Fortunate Journey Season 4
by ShaViva
Summary: "Never before have I sensed that the future of so many worlds can turn on the actions of so few". When the continuity of humanity itself is threatened John and Sabina discover it is the core of what makes them who they are that will see them triumph.
1. The place hasn’t changed at all

**Fortunate Journey Season 4**

Author: ShaViva

Rating: T, perhaps bordering on M in places

Content Warning: Adult themes, sexual situations, language, some violence here and there.

Season: 4

Main Story Summary: "Never before have I sensed that the future of so many worlds can turn on the actions of so few". When the continuity of humanity itself is threatened John and Sabina discover it is the core of what makes them who they are that will see them triumph ... together. Established ShepOCship.

Companion Story Summary: John's patience is stretched to the limit whenever missions don't go according to plan – especially those involving Sabina. Find out what he's really thinking during those times! John Sheppard 1st person perspective story.

Classifications: Drama, Romance

Pairings: John Sheppard & Original Character

Main Story Spoilers for: Plot spoilers for pretty much every episode in Season 4. BIG huge honking dialogue spoilers (more than just a few lines) for Doppelganger, Tabula Rasa, The Seer, Outcast, Midway, The Kindred Part 1 and 2, and The Last Man. Also HUGE spoilers for Season 5 Search and Rescue. Finally some minor spoilers for SG1 Season 10 Family Ties and the SG1 movie Ark of Truth.

John's POV Story Spoilers for: Plot spoilers plus BIG huge honking dialogue spoilers (more than just a few lines) for This Mortal Coil, The Kindred Part 1 and 2, and The Last Man. Also HUGE spoilers for Season 5 Search and Rescue.

Acknowledgements: I used Gateworld dot com transcripts to back up my own viewing as I worked through each episode. Anything else I reference will be acknowledged at the point it's used in the story.

Disclaimer: The Stargate characters, storylines, etc aren't mine. I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises – if I was we'd be seeing them on TV for some time to come *sighs dejectedly*. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. The original characters and plot and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2009 ShaViva

**Authors note:**

There is an inadvertent error in FJS1 that comes into play in this season. I gave Sheppard no siblings and deceased parents ... at the time there weren't any details on his back story and I didn't know of the S4 episode Outcast. Now that I do I need you all to forget what I originally wrote and just assume that John said instead that his mother died years ago and he was never close to his father or brother. I just don't think it would be believable for him to have kept that to himself all this time with Sabina and only now suddenly bring it up. Okay? Also I've been calling the place they eat the commissary but I've noticed this season that they call it the Mess Hall (did they always call it that?) so I've changed my references to call it the Mess Hall too – pretty minor but there you go. Thanks!

Timeline wise this starts in February 2007 – given they're heading off to Earth in the first chapters it seemed like a good idea to pick something for things like weather etc,. Just assume Christmas and both their birthdays happened sometime during the Elizabeth missing/new planet weeks – since I've already done stories for that I didn't want to revisit them.

There is a companion piece to the story this season, called "_The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View"_. It's a 'fill in the blanks' story in Sheppard's own words for selected times when we need to know what he was doing and him just telling Sabina all about it doesn't cut the mustard. This will be interspersed within the main story as separate chapters. I'll put the title "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" at the beginning of each chapter and label the chapters as interludes. They'll also be numbered separately from the main story so hopefully you won't get confused. Also means if you're not interested in that aspect you can just skip those chapters - although there is some good plot stuff for the end of the season you'd miss out on if you don't read them.

I'm not even gonna comment during posting on the whole keeping it canon and in character stuff for this season ... I am so far away from that by now it's not funny! I have truly taken these characters and made them my own for season 4, and had a lot of fun doing so. There is fluff and even a bit of silliness amidst all the serious stuff – not gonna apologise for it during posting though so consider this your warning. Having said that I _did_ stick to the plot lines as much as possible and I always try to keep the characters as true to the show as I can. I read every transcript and watched every episode as part of the writing process so any changes to dialogue or situation are deliberate because I needed it that way or because I preferred things the way I've done them – sometimes I comment on it in an author's note but not always. Also I had requests after season 3 for a couple of aspects to be included in season 4 which I thought very hard about ... I have such a clear mental picture for Sabina and John so if I didn't take the story quite where you were hoping it'd be because it didn't fit in with that picture.

Sorry about the super long authors note but when you write a story as big as this you feel the need to set the scene a bit ... probably too much. There are literally hundreds of hours of effort in this ... and it will take me probably half that again to post it all. So while I won't beg for reviews, if you read this and enjoy it, a little encouragement to keep going from time to time would be appreciated. I won't promise a daily post because I hate disappointing people waiting and then not getting a chapter ... but posts will definitely be happening on a regular basis.

Having said ALL that, let's get on with the story! If you recall, at the end of Season 3 they'd just held a memorial for Elizabeth and got agreement for John and Sabina to have personal leave back on Earth. Settle in ... this is gonna be a _long_ journey ...

**Chapter 1: The place hasn't changed at all**

"You packed?" John came striding into our room the night before we were due to Gate back to Earth, obviously keen to get moving. "Remember we're talking February in Colorado – it's gonna be much colder than here."

"I think I've got it covered," I replied, looking at him in concern from my position on the bed. "You realise just because you're talking to them in person, the SGC and the IOA aren't just gonna cave and go 'sure you can look for Elizabeth – here's a Puddle Jumper and a team of marines!'"

"I know the odds are slim they'll authorise anything," John said with just a hint of frustration in his voice. "We have to try though ... are you gonna forget about it if we don't?"

"No," I admitted. "And neither will you."

"Exactly," John came and sat down beside me. "Did you pack something nice?"

"Depends on what you define as nice," I looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"There's this restaurant I remember going to, just before my Mom died," John's expression was wistful as he reached up and absently brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face. "I thought we could go there."

"You never mentioned it before ... the last time we were back on Earth," I pointed out softly.

"All that talk about alternate futures ... marriage ... children," John looked at me seriously. "It got me thinking about family ... _my_ family."

"What – you want to do the whole 'meet the parents' deal?" I frowned in confusion. "I thought you weren't close to your Dad _or_ your brother."

"I'm not," John agreed. "You told me about your adoptive parents and that was hard. I've never said anything about my Mom and I should have. I _was_ close to her so I thought ..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"You thought we could go to that restaurant and you could tell me about her?" I asked carefully.

"Something like that," John's rueful smile said he knew he wasn't being exactly logical about the whole thing. "She would have liked you ... while we're on Earth I want to give you a sense of who she was."

"If she was anything like you then I don't need all that to know I would have liked her too," I rested my head against John's shoulder companionably. "But I'd love to see whatever you want to show me."

"Thanks," John put an arm around me and squeezed tightly. "Wanna catch up with Ronon and the others? We might not get a chance in the morning and the commissary should be all cleaned up by now."

"Okay," I jumped up first, holding out a hand to pull John up beside me. "Do you think it went well today?"

"It was perfect," John kept a hold of my hand and urged me towards the door. "Elizabeth would be very impressed with what you and Teyla did. I was kinda surprised you volunteered to take care of the actual arrangements like that."

"Well, you're in charge for the moment and it just seemed like something that should come from us," I said a bit defensively. "Besides, it was my idea."

"I don't disagree," John looked down at me in amusement.

"What?" I demanded, stopping and glaring up at him.

"Nothing," John replied, letting go of my hand as he kept walking. When he was a few paces away he turned back to me and added "It was just a very ... wifely thing to do."

"Oh don't start that," I practically ran to catch up to him. "You don't get to tease me with 'wife' comments – especially since we're not even engaged yet!"

"Okay," John put his arm around me and steered me down the corridor. "So once we are .... _then_ I get to tease you?"

"I haven't said yes," I looked at him sternly. "And if you keep that up, when you ask in the future I might not!"

"No wife jokes ... check," John agreed in amusement. I tried to resist glancing up at him but I couldn't. His little boy look with the humour fairly sparkling from his eyes was too much ... within moments we were both laughing as we continued up the corridor.

oOo

"Welcome back Colonel, Ms Scott," General Landry greeted us as we made our way down the ramp at the SGC.

"Thank you Sir," John replied respectfully. "The place hasn't changed at all."

"It seldom does," Landry replied with a meaningful look. "I assume you'd like to meet with me _before_ you head out?" With those words the General made it clear he was well aware of what had motivated John's request for personal leave.

"Ah ... yes Sir," John raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded, silently letting him know I'd be fine while he went off to put forward his case.

"Sabina, Doctor Jackson asked if you could go and see him when you arrive," General Landry kindly gave me somewhere to be while he was meeting with John. You might have thought I'd have issues with Landry after my time back on Earth the previous year ... to be honest I wondered myself but once confronted with being back at the SGC I was happy to discover I really had gotten past that.

"Thank you General," I smiled gratefully, turning to John and adding "I'll probably be in the commissary by the time you get done." Squeezing his hand I tried to pass on a host of messages all without words – 'good luck', 'be firm but not angry', 'I have faith in you'.

John followed the General to his office and I made my way down to Daniel's.

"Hello stranger," I stopped in his doorway, smiling at the state of his office. There was stuff everywhere ... lots of cool looking artefacts as usual and open books cluttering every space. "What are you working on?"

"Sabina!" Daniel rose from his desk with a smile and came over to greet me. "Sorry ... I meant to come down to the Gateroom."

"I can see why you might have been distracted," I excused. "This is a lot of research even for you."

"We're looking for an Ark ... from the time the Alteran's first came to this galaxy," Daniel explained with that light of academic discovery in his eyes.

"You're joking right?" I said in disbelief. "The Ark? What, of the _covenant_? What are you, Indiana Jones?"

"An ark ... not '_The'_ Ark," Daniel corrected. "According to my research the secret to destroying the armies of the Ori is supposed to be inside ... a piece of Ancient technology that can make anyone who looks into it believe the Ori aren't gods."

"Now that would be worth finding _Indiana_," I smiled when Daniel rolled his eyes at my casual tone. "So where is it?"

"That's what all the books are for," Daniel admitted. "I still don't know ... as soon as I get a lead we'll be heading out."

"Oh," I looked down at the pile of books with interest. "Can I help?"

"Pull up a chair," Daniel reached over and pushed one of his books in front of me. "Just look for any reference to an ark."

"So you're not out on SG1 missions at the moment?" I asked, sitting down beside him.

"Teal'c is visiting his son," Daniel replied. "He'll be back in a week or so. Sam's doing a short assignment at Area 51 and Vala decided to go with her – she watches too much television and actually thought it might be interesting. Mitchell's off doing training exercises with a bunch of new recruits starting soon."

"So they've left you here by yourself again?" I smiled, remembering the first time I'd met him.

"And I like it that way," Daniel said with feeling. "Not all the time of course but do you know how hard it is to concentrate on anything with the whole crew here?"

"I can imagine," I laughed, sure Daniel's team had as little patience with his love of books and anything Ancient as my team did of mine. Bending my head low I began to read in earnest, soon captivated by the contents of the book.

We sat in companionable silence for a while, each of us focussed on the Ancient text in front of us, before Daniel spoke again.

"I'm sorry about Doctor Weir," he said softly. "She was a capable leader ... and a great loss to the SGC."

"Yeah well we haven't given up hope yet," I replied without looking at him. "That's mostly what we're here for – John wasn't getting anywhere on a mission to go rescue her. He thought the ... personal approach might help."

"Ah," Daniel nodded in understanding. "The IOA aren't exactly known for their compassion."

"I know," I acknowledged what he was getting at. "Chances are we'll walk away empty handed but ... John needs this. It was a difficult decision – leaving Elizabeth behind – despite her ordering him to do so."

"I can't imagine," Daniel replied, looking across at me with a smile. "What are you going to do with the rest of your time here?"

"John wants to show me some of his favourite places," I said lightly. "Stuff we never had the chance to do before."

"Meet the parents huh?" Daniel raised an eyebrow teasingly.

"That might be amusing except I haven't got any family and John hasn't spoken to any of his for years," I replied seriously. "I've gotta admit I'm pretty curious about that but ... I don't want to push him because he hasn't even told me _why_ they don't talk."

"Sometimes there's a good reason for that," Daniel replied. "You wouldn't have heard that we had Vala's father here a month or so ago ... he tried to manipulate us just to make a profit. Plus he used Vala's connections with little regard for her feelings ... I kind of understood after that why she doesn't talk about him."

"You're right," I agreed. "So you and Vala are ... close these days?"

"Would you look at that?" Daniel ignored my question, making a big production out of looking at his watch before jumping up and pulling me out of my chair beside him. "It must be lunch time."

Laughing at his antics I let him lead me off to the Mess Hall.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 2_


	2. We won’t be giving him any chances

**Chapter 2: We won't be giving him any chances this time**

John caught up with us about halfway through lunch. I could tell immediately just from the expression on his face that he was less than impressed with how his morning had gone.

"Doctor Jackson," he greeted Daniel cordially, putting a hand on my shoulder in a silent hello. "I hope Sabina didn't give you too much trouble."

"Nice," I played along with his obvious desire to not talk about it right there and then. "I'll have you know that I was helping Daniel search for a very important Ancient artefact."

"Did you find it?" John asked curiously.

"Well ... no," I admitted, "but I was only looking for an hour or so. Daniel's been searching for it for weeks!"

"Hey - it's been lost for millennia," Daniel explained. "We were hardly going to find it in the first week."

"Do you want to stick around and help some more or get started on our holiday?" John waited for my answer like he didn't know what I'd say.

"Sorry Daniel," I said without remorse, jumping up immediately to stand beside John. "I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding your Ark without me."

"I'm sure," Daniel said wryly. "Enjoy your holiday. You too Colonel."

"We'll try," I smiled happily. "I'll catch up with you before we head back to Atlantis ... unless you're out there you know, doing your thing."

With a wave and a grin I let John lead me out of the commissary. One brief stop to get our gear later and we were out in the crisp fresh air and on our way off the mountain.

oOo

"They said no," I waited until we'd been in the car for a few minutes before speaking. I'd kept silent even when John gave himself driver duty, realising he needed the distraction.

"General Landry didn't discount that the new leader might have some power to authorise a search for Elizabeth," John shot a quick glance at me before turning his eyes back to the road. "That decision is still a couple of weeks away. Woolsey was on base today so I got to speak to him too. He stuck a big pointy needle into the whole new leader deal – said the IOA would insist on approving such a mission. His whole demeanour made it pretty clear there's little chance that'll happen, regardless of who ends up in charge."

"Oh," I waited for something inside to tell me how to feel about that but there was nothing ... just this numbness and a feeling of being in limbo. Were we doomed to have Elizabeth's unknown fate hanging over us forever? "So what now?"

"Now we wait," John said simply. "We wait for the new leader to be appointed – I can pitch a mission plan to them but we both know that probably won't fly. We'll just have to hope an opportunity comes up out on a mission for us to find out what happened to Elizabeth and if there's any way we can still save her."

"You know the more time that goes by the less likely that is right?" I stated the obvious because it still had to be acknowledged.

"I know," John agreed sadly. "It's out of our hands ... I hate that that's the case but there really is nothing we can do about it right now."

"Any idea who the new leader might be?" I asked curiously.

"Landry didn't give anything away," John admitted. "Woolsey either. Probably non-military again although the IOA seem very concerned about the possibility of the Replicators attacking Earth. Hard to say which way they'll go."

"You?" I had been reluctant to mention it but I couldn't kid myself it wasn't a possibility. John had already proven himself in leadership and had more experience with the unique challenges in the Pegasus galaxy than anyone else.

"God I hope not!" John's reaction was immediate and genuine ... my whole demeanour must have broadcast my relief that he wasn't thinking down that track because he looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Why?"

"No particular reason," I launched into a babbling explanation, "and I know it might make going after Elizabeth easier if you _were_ in charge but I don't think I'm really cut out to be the 'behind the scenes' person for someone permanently in charge of a whole city ... not that I wouldn't make the effort if they did put you in charge but I wouldn't be very good at it and I still can't believe I've gotten myself involved with someone in charge at any level since I'm practically allergic to authority figures and I was just thinking ... selfishly ... that it's be good if they _didn't_ put you in charge – but only if you don't want to be in charge because if you do I'd totally support that."

"You done?" John had listened silently, his expression still carefully blank. When I managed to keep my response to a wordless nod he continued. "I'm definitely not aspiring to be in charge but I can't guarantee it won't go that way if they can't find anyone else. Either way you won't need to do anything differently. Frankly the thought of you turning into some kind of Martha Washington figure scares the crap out of me."

I laughed weakly at the image of myself that evoked in my head. "Now you're scaring me too," I quipped. "I don't know where to even begin ... diplomacy, patience ... not to mention the wardrobe," I shuddered dramatically.

"Let's not go there," John agreed. The whole issue of Elizabeth was still there in the background but somehow the conversation had relaxed the atmosphere between us ... it had to be put in the background, there was no other choice. And so we did.

"Where are we going?" I looked curiously at the scenery passing in a blur outside my window.

"Colorado Springs Airport," John said simply.

"We're getting on a plane that you're _not_ flying?" I looked at him in amazement.

"I don't always have to be the one at the controls," John dismissed, even though we both knew most times that was exactly how he wanted it. "Besides, I checked at Petersen and they didn't have anything I can use for personal purposes on such short notice. When we get there I'll check again just in case something changes in the next half hour."

"Ah - _now_ it becomes clear," I teased. "So where are we going that needs a plane to get us there?"

"It's a surprise," John smiled at my groan of frustration. "Nothing you can say is going to drag it out of me either so you might as well enjoy the ride."

Fine," I grumbled, brain already ticking over as I tried to work out from what John had told me about his life back on Earth the most likely destination. "It's not Antarctica though is it? Because I didn't bring anything nearly warm enough for that."

"No it's not Antarctica," John said in amused exasperation. "And you won't need anything special. Now sit back and relax and let me drive."

oOo

John did all the checking in once we were at the airport, insisting that he wanted to maintain the mystery for as long as possible. Obviously as soon as the pilot did his introductory spiel presumably including the worlds 'welcome to flight blah, blah, blah direct to destination X' I'd know but until then John was determined to have his fun. He was such a kid about it that I found myself enjoying the suspense much more than I usually would.

There was a short delay until we'd get to board so we decided to spend it in the nearest bar ... John went to queue for drinks and I sat back to watch the people go by. The thing that struck me the most was the sheer _number_ of people ... I'd gotten used to our relatively small population on Atlantis and it was a bit nerve racking to see so many strangers parading past. I didn't think much of it when someone sat down at the table behind me because the place was so crowded ... until they spoke.

"Good afternoon Ms Scott," a gravelly male voice said. "No – don't turn around. I have someone close to your Colonel ... if you don't cooperate this will get ... messy and I wouldn't want that."

"What _do_ you want?" I asked, resisting the temptation to look behind me only because I was trying to catch sight of John up at the crowded bar through the mass of people in front of me ... without success.

"Why you of course," gravel voice replied in amusement. "My employer is most interested in meeting you. He asked that I invite you to visit him _personally_."

"That's a nice offer but I have to decline," I replied casually, glad he couldn't see the knots twisting in my stomach or how fast my heart was beating.

"Perhaps invite was the wrong word," this time the tone was much more menacing. "Please stand up and make your way to the door ... I'll direct you from there."

"No," I tried to sound confident but my voice shook with nerves, something I'm sure my assailant picked up on. I was in a public, crowded place – surely he wouldn't try anything violent if I refused to cooperate?

"Come now," the man leaned in closer to me, making me flinch away as he pressed something into the small of my back. I've never had a gun pointed at me like that before but I still knew straight away what it was, the cold metal of the gun barrel a promise of nothing good. "If you come with us willingly your friend won't be harmed and my employer will return you once his questions have been answered. If you fight us the outcome for _you_ is uncertain but I guarantee Colonel Sheppard won't make it out of here alive. I'm fully aware of his ... skills. We won't be giving him any chances this time."

What would you do if someone threatened the person you love like that? For me it was a no brainer, and not because I didn't trust John to be able to defend himself. But he wasn't invincible ... the place was crowded and although John was never completely off guard it would be easy for someone to get close enough to deliver a lethal blow before he could do anything about it. And I knew these guys meant business.

So I got up and walked to the door, from there following the gravelly instructions given from behind me all the way to the car park. A dark sedan sat waiting, driver already inside. Gravel voice pushed me none too gently into the back seat, getting in after me. Before I could turn to catch my first sight of him I felt a sharp sting in my upper arm ... quickly followed by the sensation of consciousness slipping away.

**Author's Note:**

Okay, I've been stressing out about this since I started writing this story - how to present my companion piece. I was thinking a completely separate story as I said in my chapter one author's note but I'm worried if it's too confusing people might read things out of order and ruin the story for themselves. My other option is to incorporate it into this story as separate chapters in the appropriate places. My main concern with that approach is that Sabina has always been the "I" behind everything (it's all from her point of view and if she's not there we don't know about it). For The Other Side of the Story John will be the "I" behind everything - switching between the two might be equally confusing!!!

I need help! If you're reviewing this chapter can you let me know what you think?

**Author's Note 2:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 1 - unless opinions sway me in the other direction._


	3. Interlude 1: She hadn’t left willingly

**Authors note:**

I've decided to go with popular opinion and put my John POV chapters into FJS4. I'll put the title "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" at the beginning of each chapter and label the chapters as interludes (thanks to hermit hideaway for that suggestion). They'll also be numbered separately from the main story. Please let me know if you get confused and I'll try to make it clearer. Okay, here we go with interlude 1 ...

oOo

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 1: My gut was telling me she hadn't left willingly**

It's taken over three years for me to need a voice in Sabina's story but this time the necessity is definitely there ... as you've probably just worked out after the whole _kidnapping_ thing!

Us taking leave back on Earth was an inspired idea if I say so myself. Sabina wouldn't admit it but she was still troubled deeply by what had happened to Elizabeth. Don't get me wrong – I wasn't exactly happy about it myself but Sabina had the added worry of what that mini NAP device had done to Oberoth and indirectly to Elizabeth. Not knowing ... maybe never knowing ... was driving her crazy and I could only hope some time away would help her deal with that.

I was frustrated after my talks with General Landry and Richard Woolsey and not just for the reasons Sabina knew about. I had another mission while on Earth, part of which necessitated having a less than comfortable chat with both men. I'd gotten part of what I wanted but the rest would have to wait for another meeting of the IOA. Man those guys were annoying ... not to mention obstructive and ... _annoying_! Needless to say I couldn't wait to get out of the mountain and start on the first real vacation either of us had had since before we'd met.

I admit keeping our destination a secret from Sabina was fun ... I'd never met anyone so divided about surprises. Part of her loved the idea of it but the rest of her, the part that always had to be in control? Hated surprises with a vengeance. But if I'd said where we were going _before_ she got on the plane Sabina would have jumped to the same conclusion you're gonna make when I say we were flying to Las Vegas.

See!

Not to get married – hell I hadn't even asked her yet and I think I've got just a little more class than that! But there was something we could do there that we couldn't do anywhere else in the USA ... well as far as I knew anyway. And that's all I'm gonna say about it.

"Sir?" I turned to look up at the airport bar tender, realising that I'd been spaced out thinking about my plans. "Can I take your order?"

"Two of whatever beer you have on tap," I turned back to glance over at our table, not immediately spotting Sabina waiting there. It was busy and even though I could see over most people's heads my view at sitting level was pretty obscured. There was no reason for it but suddenly the feeling that something wasn't right swept over me. Not waiting for the drinks I pushed my way back through the crowd, moving faster and more forcefully when our table came into view ... minus Sabina.

I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just assume she'd gone to the ladies? Because her jacket was still hanging off her chair ... and because my gut was telling me she hadn't left willingly.

"Excuse me," I interrupted the conversation at the table next to ours. "Did you see the woman sitting at this table leave?"

"She left with a guy," one of the girls said casually. "A couple of minutes ago."

"Thanks," I called over my shoulder as I strode from the room before breaking into a sprint. I took a chance on direction, sure that if someone wanted Sabina they'd be heading for the car park rather than further into the airport. Luckily we hadn't passed through security yet - I had no idea how I'd explain my mad dash through the airport it we had.

Weaving through the sparce sea of people - enough to obscure my view but thankfully not enough to slow me down - I searched desperately for some sign of Sabina.

There! Catching sight of her up ahead I put a burst of speed on trying to close the gap.

And then I was outside the airport ... just in time to see a dark sedan screaming out of the car park too far away for me to do anything.

Crap!

Grabbing my phone I put a call direct to the SGC.

"This is Lt Colonel John Sheppard. I need to speak to General Landry urgently."

"Colonel," General Landry's puzzled voice greeted me a few seconds later.

"Is the Apollo still in orbit?" I asked quickly.

"They broke orbit an hour ago," Landry replied.

"I need you to get them back asap Sir ... Sabina was just taken from the airport. We need to locate her subcutaneous transmitter ... have the Apollo beam her to safety."

"I'll contact Colonel Ellis immediately," Landry promised. "Stay put Colonel ... we'll get back to you when we know something."

"Thank you Sir," I hung up reluctantly, grinding my teeth in frustration because the Apollo had left already.

Doing nothing didn't sit well so I used the time waiting to hear from the Apollo collecting statements from everyone in the bar. The result was a not exactly consistent description of a man about Sabina's height, gravelly voice, dressed in a suit. By all other accounts he was Mr Invisible – I had hair colour anything from dark brown to blond, muscular to skinny build, and every eye colour possible. Still it was better than nothing and hopefully I wouldn't need it.

I didn't have my radio and could only imagine how they'd managed to direct a transmission from orbit to my mobile phone but about half an hour later they did.

"Colonel Sheppard," Colonel Ellis greeted me with a grim tone. Okay – that wasn't good.

"Have you located Sabina?" I tried not to broadcast how worked up I was over the turn of events even though I knew I wasn't fooling anyone.

"I'm sorry Colonel," Ellis replied. "We picked up her signal momentarily but before we could lock on to beam her up the transmission stopped."

"Can you give me her location before that?" I swallowed hard, putting a hand over my eyes and squeezing them closed tightly.

"I can do better than that," Ellis promised. "I've sent the coordinates down to you with some help ... should be arriving at your position any second now."

"Sheppard," a familiar voice drew my attention to the bar entrance.

"That help has arrived – thank you Colonel," I reported before giving my attention to the new arrivals.

"Guys?" I looked on in amazement as Rodney, Teyla _and_ Ronon walked towards me. It was strange seeing them there so suddenly, decked out in Earth clothes with expressions of concern plastered all over their faces ... in fact I struggled to recall if I'd ever seen Teyla or Ronon dressed that way before. Yeah it was strange but in a 'thank god they're here' way ... I'd never admit it to any of them of course but I felt myself relax just a little bit in relief that they were there – there'd never been anything we couldn't work out as a team.

"General Landry requested our presence," Teyla stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder, doing her silent comforting thing. "We used the Midway station to get to the SGC and then Colonel Ellis transported us here.

"I've got Sabina's last transmission point," Rodney held up his laptop, "I should be able to extrapolate a likely heading using that and her starting point here."

"Get on it," I ordered, looking away rather than facing their sympathetic expressions. Rodney sat down and began doing his thing on the laptop. Teyla sat next to him but Ronon remained standing beside me, a silent pillar of support.

The concern and sympathy, while appreciated, was something I had to force myself to ignore ... I so didn't need to tap into their emotions. I was barely hanging on to my own ... concentrating on my anger was the only way I could ignore all the rest. You know what I'm talking about – the worry over what the transmission ending might mean although I'd convinced myself they wouldn't take Sabina just to kill her. More than likely they'd cut the transmitter out of her arm, a picture I didn't want to examine in great detail since I was pretty sure they wouldn't have done it under optimal medical conditions. That was followed by the worrying fears of all the things they could do to her before we found her ... drawing on the colourful canvas of my own torture memories the resulting nightmare images were swirling through my head at dizzying speed.

"Why would someone take Sabina?" Ronon asked, drawing my gaze to his reluctantly.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Could be like Kolya – bait to get the rest of us to do something."

"It could be the Trust," Rodney offered hesitantly. "Their intel on the SGC would be good enough they'd know how unique Sabina is. Maybe they want to use that somehow."

"Thanks Rodney," I said with a glare, not missing the glare he got from Teyla too. "I was just worrying about ransoms and torture but now I can add scary medical experimentation to the list."

"I didn't ... I wasn't," Rodney stuttered. "If we're gonna find her we have to work out why she was taken ... and it wouldn't be the first time the Trust did something like this."

"You're right," I let a hint of apology enter my tone. "I'll get onto the SGC – find out if there're any Trust rumours doing the rounds right now. How soon 'till you have a heading for that signal?"

"Ah, should be a few minutes tops," Rodney promised, bending back over his laptop with a frown of concentration.

I watched him for a few seconds, feeling the headache already starting. God – this was so not the holiday I'd planned!

**Authors Note:**

Thank you to the reviewers of the last chapter who pointed out the bad guy wouldn't have been able to get a gun past security - shows you how long it's been since I've been anywhere! I added an extra line here to explain this the only way I could - that they haven't passed through security yet (thanks to blue-eyes-green for that suggested explanation). I don't know if Colorado Springs Airport has a bar outside the secure area but I'd appreciate it if we could all assume it does - thanks! Also just a note re gate travel from Atlantis to Earth via Midway - there isn't a 24 hour quarantine yet because that doesn't get instituted until after Tabula Rasa. Lastly I hope this sounds even half way like Sheppard!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 3_


	4. Not so easy now is it?

**Chapter 3: Not so easy now is it?**

It occurred to me as I slowly came back to myself that I'd never actually woken up after being drugged before. I gotta say it was nothing like I would have expected from watching numerous episodes of General Hospital. I felt dizzy, disconnected and unfortunately on the edge of embarrassing myself by vomiting. Swallowing hard I held myself still for a few moments, waiting for everything to settle, all the time wondering where I was but not really sure I actually wanted to find out.

Squinting my eyes open just a crack didn't reveal anything familiar. With a groan I forced my eyes open fully, shifting my head from side to side to check out my surroundings. Frowning in confusion I sat up slowly, surprised to find myself not even restrained. When someone grabs you right off the street you'd expect some kind of cell or equally unattractive prison right? Instead I found myself in a 'guest room' – you know, the kind of bedroom people keep ready for visitors who rarely stop over? Pristine furniture, non descript decor, all very comfortable and hotel at home.

Putting my hands down on the mattress to push myself up I discovered my next woe. My left arm was stiff and sore, like someone had been digging around in there. Considering I now had a bandage directly over the place where my subcutaneous transmitter was supposed to be, somebody probably had. John had insisted I have that transmitter inserted so that he could find me if there was ever a need – obviously he'd forgotten about thugs with big knives!

The fact that my kidnappers had known I even had a transmitter worried me ... but not as much as the fact that they'd known who I was, who John was. They had a clearly defined reason for taking me which was more than enough to have my mind swirling with unpleasant thoughts. I had no doubt it was me they wanted either ... they could equally have used the same threats to get John to go with them. So there was either some personal reason for taking me _or_ they believed someone else would pay their ransom of choice to get me back.

Finally getting myself upright I walked to the door, not expecting I'd be able to open it. But I could ... poking my head cautiously out into the hallway my confusion grew. There was no one even standing guard. Who the hell were these people and why were they so confident they didn't feel the need to restrain me? I needed to know more about where I was before I went any further.

Moving back into the room I crossed to the window to look outside.

"Oh that is _not_ good," I muttered under my breath, taking in the view with a sinking heart. I couldn't see much, just enough to know I was on some kind of ranch, probably miles from anywhere else, including a public telephone or any kind of help. How was John going to find me all the way out here?

The sun was low in the sky and we'd arrived at the airport just after lunch so I was guessing at least four hours, maybe more had gone by since they'd drugged me. Rescuing myself seemed just as likely as expecting a rescue from John - how could I find my way to anywhere when I had little information to help me? I didn't know what method of transport we'd taken to get there or even if we were in the same state anymore!

Realising I'd just have to brave whatever I might find outside that room I headed back out into the hallway again. There were other doors but I didn't bother checking any of them out. At the end of the hall were the stairs leading down to the ground floor ... and the front door.

The sight of a way out spurred me onwards. I ran down those stairs and had my hand on the door knob in seconds. Again it turned when I tried it ... this was getting more and more worrying by the second. Hoping my captors were just really, really bad at holding someone prisoner I took the opportunity presented and walked through the door, onto the porch and then down into the front yard. I no longer had my jacket and shivered slightly in the early evening breeze. I'd forgotten how cold it got at night out of the city – it was too late to go back for anything so I'd just have to hope the physical exertion of walking out of there would be enough to keep me warm.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a too familiar voice grated out. Great – Mr Gravelly Voice had decided to hang around after delivering me.

"Why is that?" I asked casually, turning to get a look at him.

He was sitting in a wide backed chair on the porch ... it _was_ almost dusk but I would have noticed him if I'd bothered to look around before dashing off the porch. Apart from that distinctive voice he was pretty non descript – a trait I'm sure came in handy in his profession – brown hair, average build, and eyes a colour I couldn't see from my position.

"Because Doctor Walker won't like it," Gravelly replied complacently.

"And I could care less what he wants," I retorted snidely. "It's been nice and all but I have to be going now." With that I turned away and started walking across the yard - I say yard but really it was just an expanse of dirt with a few shrubs on the outer edges. To be honest I had no idea where I was going ... just that it was away from that house and that guy.

Gravel Voice had silent moves to go with that non descript exterior ... I didn't hear him come up behind me until he was almost on me. Turning swiftly I faced him just in time to deflect the arm he'd reached out to grab me. He stumbled before straightening and turning back towards me.

"You don't want to do this," he said grimly.

"Oh but I think I do," I replied just as grimly, already setting myself into fighting position. I didn't have fighting sticks which would have made me feel much more confident ... but since the whole testing thing with Major Lorne I'd concentrated on improving my hand to hand skills enough to at least take this guy on.

Gravel launched a kick towards my midsection much faster than I would have expected but I was able to evade him. The next few minutes involved more of the same – him attacking and me evading as I assessed his skills and looked for a weakness. Unfortunately, apart from a slight height advantage it seemed we were pretty evenly matched.

The next kick Gravel launched caught me off guard, slamming into my side hard enough to throw me to the ground. Scrambling up quickly I spotted something in the shrubs guaranteed to give me an edge. Ducking the next attempted blow I grabbed the rake handle - minus metal bit at the end - that someone had carelessly left behind. It was too long to make an effective fighting stick and after John had admitted to hurting his leg trying to break a branch I knew I wouldn't be able to break it without assistance.

The next few moments were all about me avoiding Gravel voice's attacking moves as I searched for a way to turn one rake into two sticks. The only thing I could come up with was the old lever trick ... sprinting in a sudden change of direction straight for the porch I slammed the rake handle between two porch rails hoping they'd hold. My opponent followed me as expected, launching a swivel kick straight at me. I moved the handle at the last minute and was rewarded with the sound of splintering wood as the kick meant for my stomach slammed into the rake instead. Ripping both sticks from the railings I jumped off the porch and reset myself back in the middle of the yard.

Swinging each stick in a flowing circle of motion to get a feel for their weight I watched in amusement as Gravel voice looked on, appearing confused at the sudden turn of events. Keeping the left stick swinging I held the other in my right hand, motioning for him to attack me ... if he dared. I know – it was a pretty smart arse move straight out of the Matrix but I couldn't resist – I needed to get this guy off stride somehow, and nothing else I'd tried evoked any kind of emotion in him. Beckoning him over seemed to do the trick though – with a yell of rage he surged away from the porch and charged me.

Of course I took great delight in stepping aside at the last moment, hitting him in the arse on his way through and sending him sprawling into the dirt.

"Not so easy now is it?" I taunted him. "You should just let me go before I hurt you."

Instead of replying Gravel strode back to his seat on the porch and reached down for something underneath it.

"_Okay, mystery escalating here_," I thought as I caught sight of what he had. Fighting sticks ... and if the way he was rotating them was any indicator, he knew what to do with them.

I stood silent and still as he approached me. Rather than wait for his attack I launched one of my own, fast enough that he blocked the first few moves but couldn't block them all. I got a nice hard hit in to the thigh and another to the shoulder before he could get himself clear.

The next move was his – he swung the sticks in a series of alternating strikes. He was fast, but I was faster and easily evaded every hit ... those daily practice sessions were paying off in a way I'd never imagined they would. We took it in turns for the next few minutes – he took as many hits as he blocked from me while I continued to evade all of his. Obviously he knew about my arm wound ... for all I knew he'd been the one wielding the knife. Like any good bad guy he focused on that weakness, trying more than once to hit me there over any other target. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling the injury, but the longer the fight went on the more limber I got and the easier it was to ignore the pain. I'd even held a bit back up till then, hoping he'd tire enough that I could finish him off.

That turned out to be the right plan ... I'd never used the fighting sticks to bring someone down like that before, most bouts ending in an unbreakable hold and someone conceding. Gravel Voice wasn't going to concede though ... he just kept getting up for more, forcing me to turn brutal in an effort to get him to stay down. In the end I resorted to luring him to drop his defences below chest level ... a hit to the thigh blocked by him, and a turning hit to the knee also blocked left him open for me to ram an elbow into his gut. When he was doubled over I slammed the fighting stick across the back of his skull and was rewarded with him crashing face first into the dirt without another sound.

Panting harshly my heart skipped a beat when the next thing I heard was the sound of someone clapping. Getting control of my breathing first I turned slowly back towards the porch. He hadn't been there the whole time but it was clear he'd watched for long enough to observe most of my stick fight with Gravel Voice. Still clapping he rose from his chair and walked down the steps until he was standing in front of me.

After giving him the quick up and down glance his identity seemed obvious – pin striped expensive looking suit, polished shoes also expensive, general air of blonde polished grooming, gaudy class ring on one pinkie finger. Even his unusually vivid blue eyes looked like he'd purchased them from a high priced catalogue.

"Doctor Walker I presume," I said sarcastically.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" Interlude 2_


	5. Interlude 2: Reliable contacts?

****

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude **2: And how reliable are these contacts?

"Thank you for sending my team Sir," I spoke to General Landry via my mobile a short while later. Rodney was still tapping away, trying to get a likely heading for Sabina ... until he did there was nothing the rest of us could do except hover around him, trying not to look impatient.

"I figured you could use the backup," Landry returned. "Just keep an eye on Ronon and Teyla – we wouldn't want an intergalactic incident and neither of them is used to Earth customs."

"Of course Sir," I smiled in spite of the seriousness of the current situation, well able to imagine what sort of incident Ronon would be responsible for. "McKay's tracing the signal before it was lost, trying to extrapolate a likely heading. We need to figure out who's responsible for this ... McKay mentioned the Trust."

"This is certainly within their usual modus operandi," Landry admitted. "I'll speak with our NID contact, Agent Barrett. He'll know whether the Trust has been active lately. We should have something for you within a few hours."

"Thank you Sir," I replied gratefully.

"I understand the personal element here Colonel," Landry said seriously. "For that reason alone I know how driven you'll be to resolve this quickly. But don't forget Sabina has information that represents a significant threat to national security – the longer it takes to find her the more risk there'll be negative fallout from this. I trust you'll do what's required to see that _doesn't_ happen."

"Understood," I replied reluctantly before signing off. I stood for a moment, staring into space as I contemplated the implications. I wasn't happy with the suggestion Sabina might be put at risk to get a quick resolution ... but I guess the fact I was still on the case despite my very personal connection was something to be grateful for. Not that I would have let them take me off the case but that was a whole can of worms I was glad not to have to open.

"Is everything all right John?" Teyla put a hand on my arm to draw my attention back to her.

"General Landry just pointed out that Sabina's a walking threat to national security," I said grimly. "He didn't say it explicitly but the message was pretty clear. We've got free reign to do whatever it takes to get her back _before_ whoever's got her finds out more than they bargained for."

"I've got it," Rodney's announcement drew everyone's attention instantly.

Teyla and I moved to look over his shoulder as he explained what he'd found. "The Apollo picked up a few seconds of movement before the signal cut out. Coupled with the point of origin here and taking into account probabilities based on frequency of route the most likely destination is Denver."

"Okay, let's check out the road between here and there, see if we can pick up any clues," I motioned for the others to follow me, waiting impatiently while Rodney packed up his gear, and then leading them to the car park.

It was a confusion of motion before finally I had us all in the car and heading off down Highway 87 towards Denver.

"Why do I have to sit in the back?" Rodney complained, despite the fact that Teyla was back there with him.

"You don't want to turn your back on me McKay," Ronon advised with an amused grin.

"Yeah right," Rodney muttered. "We're on Earth Conon – this is my home turf and your Wraith killing skills aren't quite as valuable here."

"_Rodney_," I ground out impatiently. "Why don't you concentrate on letting me know when we get to the last place Sabina's signal registered?"

"Fine," Rodney muttered, bringing up the laptop readings and comparing them to our GPS numbers. Silence reigned for a few minutes until Rodney called out "We're close enough, pull over here."

The spot Rodney brought us to had my heart sinking as we all got out of the car. There was no turn off road, no structures in the distance, nothing that would suggest a reason for bringing Sabina this way.

"There's nothing here," I muttered, turning to stare back down the highway.

"There might be nothing significant about these coordinates," Rodney reminded me. "It may have taken this long from the airport for them to, you know, remove or otherwise disable Sabina's transmitter."

"So we're no closer to finding her," I concluded grimly.

"Sheppard," Ronon called me over to his position, pointing out what looked like fresh tire tracks in the dirt. "Someone parked here."

"And that's significant because?" Rodney asked sarcastically.

"Because when they were done they headed back that way," and Ronon pointed back the way we'd just come.

"So _not_ Denver then," I felt the anger rising inside as the meaning became clear. "They could be anywhere – including another state if they went back to the airport."

"Um ... I guess," Rodney said miserably.

"Okay, let's head back to the SGC," I decided abruptly.

Teyla and Ronon reacted immediately by taking their former places in the car but Rodney hesitated, waiting for me to move first.

"I shouldn't have left Sabina alone," I said angrily, kicking one of our rear tires because there was nowhere else to direct my frustration.

"You were just at the bar getting drinks," Rodney said incredulously. "Are you gonna escort her to the ladies in future?"

"I _knew_ this was a possibility," I insisted. "I should have been more on guard."

"Back in the Pegasus galaxy I'd have to agree," Rodney replied. "But here on Earth? No one even knows her – she was anonymous before she went to Atlantis and she's only been back here twice since then. Apart from your brief foray into domestic bliss Sabina's done nothing to even create a paper trail of her existence, let alone drawn attention to herself in any kind of obvious way."

"I know that Rodney," I growled, "and yet here we are with her missing and us scratching our heads because we don't even have any leads!"

"Yet," Rodney retorted. "We don't have any leads yet. Even the fact that they knew about her transmitter - enough to turn it off anyway - could end up being just the clue we need to find her."

"She went with them willingly," I couldn't help but point out something that was probably obvious to everyone.

"They threatened her with hurting you?" Rodney concluded weakly.

"Yeah – she didn't fight them because she was protecting me," I turned away, looking back down the road rather than see his expression. How did you deal with that sort of knowledge - that the person you loved had subjected themselves to who knew what kind of torture _willingly_ to keep you safe? I couldn't - I _had_ to bury it deep along with all the other worries buzzing for a place inside my conscious thoughts.

"We'll find her John," Rodney promised softly, putting a hand on my shoulder before getting into the car.

"_You hear that Sabina?_" I thought determinedly. "_Hold on because we_ will _find you._"

Taking my place in the drivers seat I got us back on the road, all the while suppressing the rest of that thought ... hopefully _before_ it's too late.

oOo

"Colonel Sheppard this is Agent Malcolm Barrett." Back at the SGC General Landry introduced me to a tall lean man wearing a suit and a serious, intent expression.

"Agent Barrett," I held out a hand for the requisite handshake, all the while wondering if ... okay _and_ praying that he'd have some good news.

"Colonel Sheppard," Barrett replied, shaking my hand with a firm confident grasp. "I've checked in with our contacts within the Trust. There were some rumours about a contract they've put out to tender for what they're calling warfare enhancements. Nothing that would suggest a kidnapping."

"And how reliable are these contacts?" I asked grimly.

"About as reliable as it gets," Barrett replied promptly, not put out that I was essentially questioning the quality of his intel. "If they'd hired someone to kidnap Ms Scott we might not have found out before hand but we'd certainly know about it by now."

"You said warfare enhancements," Rodney said curiously. "What does that mean?"

"We're still chasing it up," Barrett admitted. "At this stage all I can tell you is that it's got something to do with personnel, not equipment."

The worried glance I shared with Rodney at those words said we were both on the same wavelength. Barrett was pretty observant for a suit ... he picked up on the silent communication and immediately called us up on it.

"I take it that's not news to you?" he asked.

"Oh it's news," I denied the conclusion he'd made. I exchanged a glance with General Landry, registering his subtle shake of the head. Agent Barrett didn't know about Sabina's background and at this stage the General didn't want him to. "Let's just say there's a reason there could be a connection between that and Sabina's disappearance."

"I have the highest level clearance," Barrett complained, irritable about the obvious secrecy.

"Not this high," Landry replied in a tone that clearly suggested Barrett should drop it. "Find out what you can about that project Agent Barrett – get back to me as soon as possible ... _with_ some leads."

"Of course," Barrett agreed, looking intently in my direction before striding quickly from the room. Once he was gone I couldn't help but comment on what we were all thinking.

"I guess we know why they took Sabina now," I rubbed at the back of my neck, worried even more despite us now having something we could follow up.

"They are interested in Wraith DNA?" Teyla queried.

"Not just that," Rodney offered weakly, casting a concerned glance my way before continuing. "If they're talking enhancements for our soldiers then they need a way to artificially merge Wraith and human DNA."

"And for that they need the only person from around here who's already got both," I concluded grimly.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 4 ... not sure if there'll be a chapter tomorrow yet ... I'll do my best._


	6. I have no idea what you’re talking about

**Authors Note:**

WARNING - This is one of those bordering on M rated chapters ... some language plus a few moments of what could be considered somewhat graphic violence ...

**Chapter 4: I have no idea what you're talking about**

"Thank you for that demonstration Ms Scott," Walker said in a smooth cultured voice.

"You set that up!" I shook my head as all the pieces fell into place – the easy exit from the house, a rake just lying around for me to use, Gravel Voice having his own set of fighting sticks.

"The rumours about your abilities _are_ impressive but I always like to confirm these things for myself," Walker replied in a casual tone like we were talking about the price of milk instead of classified information he shouldn't have had access to. He turned and walked back to his chair on the porch, waving a hand to invite me to sit in Gravel Voice's chair. Deciding to play along for the moment I strode up the steps and threw myself down beside him.

"I'm not sure how ordinary martial arts skills could possibly be of interest out here," I commented nonchalantly, stretching my feet out casually in front of me, "unless you've got some recalcitrant cows you'd like me to whip into line?"

"Your ... personality quirks were also well documented," Walker said with an amused smile. "Mr Brown might have been provoked by your attempts but you can rest assured I will not be so easily led."

"Mr Brown huh?" I glanced across at Gravel Voice, still stretched out unconscious in the yard, in feigned amusement. "I'm guessing that's not his real name."

"Aren't you interested in why I brought you here?" Walker asked when I didn't say anything else.

"My only interest lies in being anywhere else," I admitted. "I'm not sure what you _think_ you've got but you've been misled ... I can't see any reason why you'd want me here. But if you let me go now I'll forget I was ever here."

"Come now Ms Scott," Walker seemed amused by my continuing act of innocence. "There's no need to be modest. If my sources are correct you could be the most unique person on this planet."

"You're joking right?" my laugh was genuine as I found myself unexpectedly entertained by this guy's smarmy Doctor Evil act.

"Oh I assure you Ms Scott," Walker's expression turned suddenly grim and ... deadly. "This is no joke ... unless you know of someone else with both Wraith DNA and multiple Ancient genes."

Crap! I struggled to keep my expression blank as I registered what he'd said. This guy was more than just well informed. He knew things only a handful of people knew – a very small handful at that. Most people at the SCG and IOA knew I had the ATA and Wraith genes but it wasn't common knowledge that there was actually more than just one Ancient gene responsible for the skills of the Ancients ... or that I had at least two of them.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said innocently.

"Of course you do, but let me spell it out for you anyway," Walker was suddenly amused again. "You arrived back on Earth through the Stargate this morning from the Pegasus galaxy – your home of the past three years. After spending only a few hours at Stargate Command you and your soon to be fiancé Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard of the United States Air force travelled by car to Colorado Springs Airport, thereby making yourself available for my employee to issue an invitation to visit here."

"Well you certainly are well informed aren't you?" I frowned, trying to compile a list in my head of all the people who had the level of knowledge he'd demonstrated. The most confusing detail was the soon to be fiancé part. To my knowledge no one but John and I knew that detail ... and maybe Rodney could work it out if he put two and two together based on other stuff he already knew. "I don't suppose you'd like to tell me who your source is?"

"I am very well connected and information is always available to those with the resources to pay for it," Walker replied, smugly evasive.

"You may think you've got yourself something valuable in me but you should know the Air Force won't negotiate for my release," I informed him in all seriousness.

"And Colonel Sheppard?" Walker raised an eyebrow at me quizzically.

"He's _career_ military!" I said incredulously. "I'm not saying he wouldn't _try_ to meet your demands but you've probably spent more already on getting information than he'd have available to bargain with. That doesn't exactly spell profit for you."

"Perhaps you don't know your fiancé as well as you think you do," Walker replied in amusement. I frowned at that – was this guy trying to imply that John had significant financial resources he'd never mentioned?

"You're mistaken," I said, trying not to let him know that what he'd said _had_ found its mark. "And he's not my fiancé – yet."

"Semantics," Walker dismissed. "It doesn't matter in any case – you're not here to earn me a ransom."

"Okay I'll bite," I gave in abruptly, shooting an intent gaze across at him. "Why am I here?"

"My company is in competition for a very lucrative contract with one of the most powerful organisations in the country," Walker revealed.

"So it _is_ all about money," I said insultingly. "And there I was hoping you had some kind of noble sentiment, like trying to save a life."

"Everything is about money Ms Scott," Walker drawled in a voice that said he was schooling me on the harsher points of life. "And you, well your unique blend of genes in any case, are the key to ensuring we get a contract that will earn us rather a lot of it."

"That doesn't sound very attractive from where I'm sitting," I admitted freely.

"My title of doctor isn't just for show Ms Scott," Walker replied. "I'm fully qualified to extract the information we need from you."

"Assuming you did this," I put a hand over the bandage on my arm, deliberately insulting him since I was pretty sure he hadn't been the one to remove my transmitter, "I've already had a sample of your ... skills. I think I'll pass."

Without pause or warning I surged from my chair and slammed an elbow into his face, breaking his nose and causing a satisfying stream of blood to appear. While he was occupied with screaming in pain I jumped off the porch and sprinted across the yard. Skirting warily past Brown, already up on his knees and moaning himself to wakefulness, I headed towards a large shed I'd noticed before. Fingers crossed there'd be some kind of vehicle inside.

Another unlocked door ... gotta love the arrogance of this guy ... and the pleasant discovery that yes there was an impressive four wheel drive parked and hopefully ready to go. The driver's door was open too but that's where my luck stopped. No ignition keys under the seat, in the glove box, or behind the sun visor. Damn! Luckily my misspent youth had included the requisite lessons from 'the bad boy' on how to hotwire a car ... if I could just remember how that went. Bending low over the steering wheel I pulled out all the wires, searching for the ones I needed and ripping them apart so I could reconnect them and hopefully start the engine. I was almost done when I heard an ominous clicking sound directly above me. I looked up reluctantly; already pretty sure I knew what I'd see.

Crap! Doctor Walker stood on the other side of the door, blood soaked tissue still held to his nose and an expression in his eyes that sent chills running down my spine. Not the good kind – the 'as soon as he's done with me I'm dead' kind. He wasn't the one responsible for that clicking sound though. That was Gravel Voice .... sorry _Mr Brown_, and another guy who was a cookie cutter version of him ... no idea where he'd been lurking. Brown distinguished himself from his copy by looking bruised, dusty, and extremely pissed - I was certainly doing a _great_ job of ensuring none of these guys went easy on me! Both men held shotguns, primed and ready to shoot me. Although at that close range any shots fired would more likely splatter me all over the inside of Walker's impressive vehicle ... not an image I needed in my head right then.

"Doctor Walker would like for you to exit the vehicle," Brown said almost pleasantly. "Doesn't matter to me if you do it – I get to hurt you if you don't cooperate and to tell you the truth I'm almost hoping you don't."

Keeping my eyes on them I slowly opened the driver's door and got out of the car. Mr Brown's cookie cutter colleague grabbed me roughly and turned me so that I was facing away from them. They then proceeded to do something else I'd seen on numerous televisions shows – pushing me harshly up against the car Mr Brown searched me for weapons, even though the bastard knew I didn't have any. And then he handcuffed me – another first I could have done without – before pulling me back around to face them.

"Mr Brown, Mr Smith, take Ms Scott back to her room," Walker ordered in a thick, nasally voice. "We'll let her sleep on it, give her time to consider her circumstances." And then he got right up in my face. "Let us be clear Ms Scott. No one knows you're here and _no one_ is coming for you. If you're hoping for a rescue from your precious Colonel think again. I have created a false trail more than sufficient to fool a military grunt – even one as deceptively intelligent as Colonel Sheppard. Having said that I _am_ prepared to treat you fairly ... if you cooperate."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you," I spat out, trying to jerk my arm out of Brown's grasp.

"You expect retaliation for this?" Walker gestured to his own face almost casually. "And well you should ... a lesson learnt now will ensure mistakes are not made in the future. Brown, Smith – see to it."

And then he walked away, leaving me alone with his grunts. My stomach clenched with fear, made only worse by the anticipatory grin on Brown's face. This was gonna be bad.

oOo

I dragged my feet and made myself as much of a dead weight as I could the whole time Brown and Smith were dragging me across the yard and back into the house. Instead of going up the stairs I knew, we went down a different set to the basement – and what a cliché that was. Yes, they actually had a cell set up down there, complete with chains on the walls and bars on the windows. I didn't get a chance to check out the whole room because Brown tied a blind fold on me as soon as we stepped inside. That was enough to send the fear ratcheting up another notch. I was still trying not to let them see they had me scared, still trying to convince myself they wouldn't do anything too dramatic because they needed me alive and presumably well enough to participate in their little experiments.

And then they switched from the handcuffs to using those wrist restraints I'd glimpsed on the wall. So now I was chained up _and_ blind ... as well as shit scared and probably doing a poor job of hiding it.

"Doctor Walker has already given me carte blanche on any punishments," Brown informed me casually, "as long as I don't do anything that spills too much of that valuable blood of yours."

"Anything you do to me will be done to you tenfold when Colonel Sheppard catches up with you," I promised, proud that my voice shook only slightly. And maybe that was a cliché too – _my boyfriend's gonna get you_ – but I totally believed it. I _had_ to believe it to brace myself for what I feared was coming.

"Ooh I'm scared," Brown laughed, his companion joining in. "I was going to gag you too but your witty little comments, not to mention the screaming you'll be doing soon are too entertaining to miss out on."

"If you bore all the ladies like this then it's no wonder you've been reduced to consorting with the likes of these guys," I taunted stupidly. "Just get on with it already!" I'd gotten into that self destruct mode – you know, where you can't believe the crap coming out of your own mouth but at the same time you can't seem to stop it.

"If you insist," Brown replied snidely. "Mr Smith, perhaps you could begin."

"Sure," Smith's voice was deeper than Browns, less gravelly, but no less frightening, especially when I realised he'd moved silently and was now standing directly in front of me. His breath wafted down the side of my neck as he leant in too close. "You know, you're attractive ... for an Air force whore." He ran a finger down the side of my neck and had me pulling desperately at the chains trying to get away from him. Grabbing my head he forced his lips down on mine in a sickening parody of kissing. Fighting the urge to gag I used the fact that my legs were still free to good purpose, going for half of the SING principle by slamming one foot down on his instep and then punching my knee up into his groin. The sounds of him groaning in pain and writhing on the floor satisfied me at a deeply primal level.

"Not entirely unexpected," Brown laughed at his colleague's condition. "Don't worry – I won't make the mistake of getting that close. Besides, you're not my type!"

"I'm crushed," I spat out.

"You've never heard the one about making more friends with honey than vinegar have you?" Brown laughed again at my futile attempts to pull free from the chains.

"I'm really picky about my friends," I replied grimly. "I kind of like it if they're not psychotic hired grunts incapable of independent thought."

"Enough," Brown said purposefully, obviously tired of humouring me. The feel of his knife slashing a long gash across my right thigh came with no warning. "That's for my head," he ground out as I struggled to contain the overwhelming urge to cry out in pain.

Another slash just below the last registered before I'd dealt with the first one. "And that's for my friend's manhood."

"What, nothing for your boss?" I got out, shifting uncomfortably at the pain but otherwise giving no outward sign that my leg was on fire. The pain was intense, the feeling of blood flowing from both wounds making me shudder weakly inside.

"If this alien DNA you possess is what makes you capable of belligerence under these circumstances I'm not surprised Doctor Walker wants to study you," Brown commented almost academically. Again there was no warning as he drew a painful line of fire across my right cheek just below the cheekbone. "The good doctor prefers a more visible reminder for his retributions," Brown revealed. "You'll see the scar every day for the rest of your life ... however short a life that might be."

This time I said nothing ... I'd either run out of smart arse remarks, or the distraction of trying not to cry like a baby made it impossible for me to think of any.

"Ah, silence at last," Brown laughed. "Mr Smith, perhaps you'd like to make the final comment before we take Ms Scott back to her room."

A fist immediately slammed into my stomach ... I wanted to curl up against the pain but of course I couldn't because I was still chained to the wall.

And then my hands were free and I dropped to the floor, struggling to regain the breath Smith's fist had forced out of me. At that point I did curl up, clutching my stomach as I tried not to vomit. That turned out to be a losing battle and some detached part of my brain wondered if one of these guys would be charged with cleaning up my mess. Before I was ready they dragged me up from the floor and back up the stairs. This time I was a real dead weight, hanging limply from their hold as they 'escorted' me to my room and threw me to the floor inside.

"There's a first aid kit in the bathroom," Brown said before the door closed quietly behind him.

Pushing the blindfold weakly up and off my head I decided it was finally okay to cry. Curling up on the floor where they'd dumped me, I did just that.

**Authors Note: **

SING – I saw this first in Miss Congeniality although I'm guessing it's a principle wider than just that movie. SING refers to the four sensitive areas of the male body. Solar plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin.

_Next Up? "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" Interlude 3 ... probably not tomorrow though ..._


	7. Interlude 3: How do you think I'm doing?

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 3: How the hell do you **_**think**_** I'm doing?!**

Waiting was never my strong suit which probably explained why I had so many reprimands on my record. Still, the frustration of waiting to go and rescue a team mate when you know the longer they leave it the harder it'll be was _nothing_ compared to what I felt while waiting for Agent Barrett to get back to us.

"Can't you just sit down for five minutes?" Rodney complained when I stalked past him on what felt like my hundredth circuit of the SGC main conference room.

"No," I replied grimly, knowing if I stopped moving I'd end up putting my fist through something ... although I was getting to the point where that was a possibility even _with_ the pacing. "What are you doing anyway?"

"Searching through all the records Walter could direct me to looking for anything Trust related that might be linked to this," Rodney reminded me. "If you'd followed Ronon and Teyla down to the gym instead of hanging around here I might have gotten a bit further."

"Too risky," I said dismissively, leaving it to Rodney to work out what that meant. Just like you shouldn't take your anger behind the wheel of a car I'd learned at an early age that you also shouldn't take it into the sparring ring either. Too easy to take it too far – injure instead of teach. Sabina would be less than impressed if I damaged someone because I was pissed off she'd been kidnapped.

"Oh," Rodney looked up at me quickly before bending back to his work. "Are you ... you know, doing okay?" he asked awkwardly.

"Sabina's missing McKay," I shot back. "How the hell do you _think_ I'm doing?!"

"I don't know!" Rodney complained. "I just thought I should say something because ... well you know why!"

"I appreciate the effort," I relented, dreading a slight grin up from somewhere over the classic pained expression Rodney was wearing.

"So ... you never said where you were going, before ...," he broke off, waving a hand vaguely in the air.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked quietly.

"_Probably not_," Rodney admitted, "but tell me anyway."

"Vegas," I admitted abruptly.

"Oh you _weren't_ gonna do the whole Elvis Chapel of Love elopement thing were you?" Rodney looked faintly sick at the idea.

"Of course not," I retorted, insulted that he'd think so. "I've got a lot more class than that!"

"Really?" Rodney looked surprised and more than a little sceptical.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Rodney," I glared at him some more. "If you think about it my reasons for taking Sabina to Vegas will come to you."

"No! You're not leaving it at that," Rodney actually took his hands off his keyboard and gave me his full attention. "What would you be doing in Vegas _apart_ from getting married?"

"Getting a legal licence inside of fifteen minutes," I revealed, hurrying into further explanation before he could throw in any more smart arse remarks. "Sabina's not the long engagement type and the frequency of our trips back here means it's pretty much now or next year to do the legal, paperwork side of things. I don't wanna wait that long. I was hoping she'd agree to sign the documents while we were here and then we could do the deed back on Atlantis sometime in the next year."

"Don't you need permission for that?" Rodney for once didn't take the obvious opportunity to get in a few digs at my expense.

"Not if we were doing it here," I explained. "Because Atlantis is classed as foreign soil it's a bit more complicated – there's usually a tonne of paperwork for American soldiers marrying foreign nationals outside of America. Sabina and I are both Americans of course but I still had to talk to General Landry and Richard Woolsey about the foreign soil part."

"_General Landry_ knows you want to marry Sabina?" Rodney looked faintly insulted now.

"He _is _my commanding officer McKay," I reminded him. "You think that's bad – try having a conversation about something that personal with Woolsey. It wasn't pretty."

"What'd they say?" Rodney asked curiously.

"Landry gave his permission without question, told me he'd get Walter to check out what paperwork I needed," I admitted. "Woolsey couldn't make a decision to save his life – he has to take it to the IOA so _they_ can give their permission for a wedding to take place on Atlantis."

"Man that's gotta suck," Rodney commented somewhat snidely. "I mean, there'll be representatives from like _four_ countries talking about your personal life. I can only imagine how _that_ conversation's gonna pan out!"

"Yeah – it does suck Rodney ... thanks for pointing that out!" I raised an eyebrow at him until he looked suitably guilty for making light of things.

"Well that's what you get for being military," he excused. "Personally the idea of having to ask anyone for permission to marry, no matter where you want to do it, sounds completely ridiculous to me."

"Then it's lucky you never joined the military isn't it," my tone made it quite clear the conversation was finished. Rodney turned back to his laptop for a few minutes before he couldn't resist asking another question.

"Are you worried she'll say no?" he rushed out.

"What, you don't think we've already talked about it?" I asked in amazement. "Who asks someone to marry them without at least having some idea of getting a positive response?"

"Good point," Rodney smiled before adding "and of course she'll say yes, right?! I mean technically you're already married anyway – at least according to Ancient custom. Not that Sabina knew she was agreein to that before you did the ceremony thing ... but still, that has to count for something right?"

"McKay," I growled, "I really don't need to be thinking about this now."

"Of course not," Rodney muttered apologetically. "Sorry."

We lapsed back into silence, my mind now engaged with worrying about Sabina _and_ reliving all the conversations I'd had with her and anyone else over the whole marriage deal. I should have known not to tell Rodney!

oOo

We were already well into the evening with no new leads to pursue when I was forced to call it a night. I sent the rest of my team to get some much needed rest, promising I would do the same even though they all knew I wouldn't. Sitting up in the darkened Mess Hall worrying about things I couldn't change was a dismal way to pass the night ... but it was all I had.

oOo

Agent Barrett finally returned to the SGC in the early hours of the following morning, carrying a stack of files and an even more confused expression. We commandeered a conference room on level 22 so that Barrett could share what he'd learned with the whole team at the same time.

"These are all the companies currently vying for that Trust contact," Barrett announced, pushing the pile across the table towards me. "Turns out warfare enhancements for personnel doesn't have anything to do with weapons or equipment, including protective gear."

"Yeah, what does it have to do with then?" Ronon asked.

"Ah ... human genetic enhancement," Barrett replied, looking at Ronon like he was suddenly wondering what kind of unnatural enhancements Ronon might have be subjected to in the past.

"And all of these companies want a slice of that?" Rodney looked at the large stack in dismay.

"The contract is worth billions," Barrett revealed. "The Trust is very keen to develop a worldwide defence should the Wraith make it to Earth. They've gone with the popular 'super solider' approach. The first company to come up with something viable will be set for life."

"So if this Trust does not have Sabina, one of these other companies may?" Teyla queried.

"It's the only lead I can offer you at this stage," Barrett wasn't making any promises we'd get anywhere.

"Then we should begin our study of each of them," Teyla announced.

"There are like fifty of these files," Rodney complained. "That's gonna take hours, if not days!"

"Then it's lucky I brought in some outside help," General Landry announced from the doorway - clearly Agent Barrett had already filled him in on his progress. Behind the General stood Daniel Jackson, Walter and two other guys I didn't recognise. "Between the nine of you, you should be able to work through those files quickly," Landry explained. Without another word he turned and left us to it.

Walter introduced us to Daniel, Lieutenant Baker and Doctor Issacs. I stood to greet our helpers gratefully, acknowledging each name as Walter said it. When I got to Daniel, I added "I appreciate the help Doctor Jackson."

"Daniel, please," Jackson replied, moving quickly into the room and sitting in the chair next to me. The others followed closely behind, each taking the file Rodney gratefully handed out. "As soon as I heard what happened I approached General Landry to see how I could help."

"As you can see we need it," I replied. It didn't surprise me Daniel would want to do something – he and Sabina hadn't spent _that_ much time together but they'd hit it off big time, having a love of all things Ancient in common to fuel every conversation between them. While that _might_ have caused a small amount of jealously the first time we'd come to Earth I was well past that point over a year later and just grateful Sabina had a friend here who wanted to help.

I didn't know the others well either, but the fact they were there was enough and I could already feel some of the tension leave the room as everyone got down to business. Taking my own file I started the long process of reading through it looking for something – I didn't know what it was and could only hope that if something _was_ there to be discovered, it would jump out at me.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 5_


	8. Mr Brown – take our guest to the labs

**Chapter 5: Mr Brown – take our guest to the labs**

Giving in to the tears, while satisfying in a girly way, wasn't going to get my cuts attended to. So after a few minutes of snivelling I dragged myself up from the floor and into the adjoining bathroom - the one I hadn't noticed when I'd been in the room that afternoon. I grimaced when I got a look at myself in the mirror. One side of my face was a mess of dirt and congealed blood overlaid with a fresher layer of the brighter red stuff. My eyes were red rimmed, my hair was a complete mess, and I was far too pale. Rather than give in to how that image said I _should_ be feeling I turned determinedly away, opening almost every cabinet before I found the elusive first aid kit.

There wasn't a lock on the door but I did have a wooden chair – probably easily broken if someone really wanted to get inside, but enough once wedged under the door knob to have me feeling comfortable treating myself.

First up was my leg ... I struggled out of my jeans, a process that almost had me vomiting again at the pain of ripping denim away from an open wound _after_ it had become partially stuck to said wound.

Parking myself on the toilet seat with my leg stretched out in front of me I opened the kit and started with the disinfectant, pouring it over the still bleeding wounds resolutely.

Oh God that really, really hurt – no one would willingly do that to themselves ... which explained the whole need for doctors! Sucking it in bravely I rummaged around until I found some of those little butterfly bandaids used when stitches aren't required. I probably _did_ need stitches but there was no way I was doing a Rambo and stitching myself up. Instead I used the strips along each cut, glad that because the knife had been so sharp the edges fused together easily. Covering the strips with some gauze and then wrapping the whole thing up with a long bandage was the best I could do. As long as I didn't jump around too much the wounds should heal with little scaring, despite what Brown had said.

Leg done I moved on to my face. I had to wash it first to see how bad it really was – eyes watering at the sting I threw handful after handful of water against my face until the run off seemed relatively clean. Once again I did the same disinfectant followed by butterfly stitches routine. As with my leg, the wound _was_ deep enough for stitches but clean enough that the alternative would do instead. A thick white gauze bandage over that one would only make me look like a freak so I left it as it was ... the stark white of the strips helping my skin look not quite so pale in contrast.

Once I'd finished first aiding myself I relaxed the control I'd been keeping over myself, shuddering as bone deep weakness immediately descended over me. I'd lost more blood that was probably good for me and hadn't eaten in more than five hours so that wasn't a surprise. Hoping Doctor Walker's form of punishment didn't include long term starvation I walked unsteadily back into the main bedroom. There was no way I was putting on those dirty blood stained jeans so the last thing I forced myself to do before resting was look for clothes. Turns out Walker was one step up from the completely heartless thug I'd thought him – a number of comfortable plain tracksuits complete with serviceable underwear were packed away in draws – all in my size which caused another major freak out on my part.

Sitting down abruptly on the edge of the bed I struggled to get control of my churning emotions ... the session with Brown and colleague had been bad enough, but the idea that Walker had planned _in advance_ to keep me there for some time was so much worse. Eyes on those clothes I sat there thinking too many negative thoughts to admit to.

"_Get it together Sabina!_" I coached myself sternly. I'd only be making myself uncomfortable not to use those clothes and it would bolster my confidence to appear unaffected by my treatment so in the end I almost gratefully changed out of my ruined clothes and into a set of theirs.

Energy reserves pretty much depleted I stretched out on the bed on my back, closing my eyes tiredly.

My minds eye flashed images at me frantically - I saw a knife glinting in the light, Brown's face enjoying the thrill of cutting me, Smith looking at me lasciviously – images straight out my imagination. The reality shots were there too – Walker's eyes filled with evil intent towards me, Brown feeling me up as he searched me for weapons, the feel of Smith breathing down my neck, the sickening taste of him forcing that kiss on me.

Snapping my eyes back open I sat up fast enough to make myself dizzy. Putting a hand over my mouth didn't stop the urge to vomit and so I ended up in the bathroom again, this time bending over the toilet instead of using it for a seat. It was pretty much dry retching since my stomach was long past empty but I still had to do a lot of it before my muscles unclenched and I began to recover some of my calm. Making my way slowly back to bed I lay down again, this time conjuring up as many happy memories of John and Atlantis as I could, clinging to them mentally to get me past the point of terror and into sleep.

oOo

Early the next morning I discovered Walker's punishment _didn't_ include depriving me of food. Strangely, after my initial difficulty sleeping I'd stayed asleep for the entire night ... exhaustion and blood loss assisted of course – not a combination that would be a popular treatment for insomnia.

I was already stirring when another henchman I'd never seen before woke me all the way up with a tray of basic breakfast fare. I wondered briefly if it was drugged in some way, considered what John might say or do in the same situation, and decided to just eat the food. They'd been very up front in their intentions so far and going the sneaky route at that stage of the game didn't make sense.

Doctor Walker gave me enough time to clean myself up and check my wounds. I'd only just gotten myself into another set of fresh clothes before an insistent pounding knock sounded on the door.

"Doctor Walker would like you to join him for coffee," Brown's voice caused nervous shivers to run down my spine, even through the closed door.

"You can do this," I muttered under my breath, steeling myself to give the appearance of being unconcerned in Brown's presence, despite what he'd done to me the day before. Opening the door with a hopefully natural smirk in place I quipped "I was gonna try out the local Starbucks but I guess instant will do."

"This way," Brown turned without even attempting conversation and led me down the stairs and across to a dining room. Walker was sitting at the head of the large dark oak table that dominated the room, reading the paper. There were six chairs available but the only one occupied was Walkers - obviously no other places had been set. I guess henchmen never dined with their bosses. It was all very surreal ... being treated like a guest in such a pleasant environment while feeling the underlying current of menace that permeated the air.

"Ah good morning Ms Scott," Walker greeted me pleasantly. "Or can I call you Sabina?"

"_No_," I said abruptly, sitting down in the adjacent chair Brown pushed me towards. Glancing at Walker quickly I couldn't help the smug smile that appeared on my face when I got a good look at his bruised and still swollen nose.

"I see a night of rest hasn't improved your disposition," Walker said in amusement.

"Yeah well having your goons play knives on me left a bad taste in my mouth," I replied, "not to mention the whole self doctoring thing."

"You appear to have done an acceptable job," Walker directed his gaze towards the cut on my face. "Perhaps you would like me to check your wounds – as I said yesterday I _am_ a fully qualified medical doctor."

"Perhaps not," I returned dismissively. "Brown mentioned coffee – I hope you can do better than freeze dried instant."

Walker exchanged a glance with Brown, presumably ordering him to get someone to fix me up, before turning back to me. "You've had a night to consider your situation. Are you feeling more cooperative this morning?"

"I don't get why you even need my cooperation," I gestured around the room and added, "not to mention the gilded cage routine. You said you needed my blood to do some tests – we both know I couldn't stop you if you decided to just take some."

"True," Walker agreed, "but we're civilised humans, not savages. You're stay with us is likely to be protracted and it would be helpful to me, not to mention safer for you if I had your agreement to do what we ask. That way we can avoid repetitions of yesterdays failed escape attempt and resultant punishment."

"You don't want to damage the goods too much," I concluded.

"Do I have your agreement?" Walker asked, looking at me with a warning clearly evident on his face. I waited as Brown returned, steaming mug in hand and set is somewhat resentfully down in front of me. He then took up position behind Walkers right shoulder – even without the humiliating stick fight it was pretty clear he was never gonna be one of those thugs you could talk around to your side.

"What are you planning on doing to me once you've got what you wanted?" I asked instead, turning my mug in a slow circle but not drinking from it. "Because the flagrant revelations on your and your hired goon's identities doesn't say you'll just let me go at the end."

"That depends entirely on your level of cooperation," Walker said evasively.

"Yeah right," I laughed harshly before shaking my head sadly. "I'm not a fool Doctor Walker and I'm thinking you and I both know exactly where this is ending. So I'm gonna have to decline your gracious offer for a pleasant experience here before you kill me. There's nothing in it for me to make things easy for you."

"What about the continuing well being of your precious Colonel Sheppard?" Walker threatened harshly. "Would you be so cavalier with that?"

"You want me to believe you can get to John?" I asked incredulously. "You seem to know a lot about us but obviously not enough if you think your hired goons would stand any chance against him – John will be on his guard and you won't get past him again."

"You underestimate the levels at which actions can be taken to get the desired effect," Walker threatened. "Did you not wonder how it was I knew of your imminent marital plans?"

"Lucky guess?" I suggested. "And not exactly out there if you know as much about us as you say you do."

"So it would surprise you to learn that Colonel Sheppard spoke to high ranking members of the SGC _and_ the IOA before you left for the airport?" Walker's smugness resurfaced as the casual look dropped off my face.

Crap, crap, crap! It didn't surprise me at all because John and I had already talked about him having to ask for permission (something that personally I thought completely ridiculous!). The timing was something I hadn't considered but then I guess John decided to take the opportunity while it was there – knowing the IOA they'd probably take months to decide so it made sense to ask now rather than when we actually wanted to do something about it. The worrying part was that Walker clearly had someone very high up giving him eyes and ears at the SGC.

"Let's cut to the chase shall we," I leant forward to get my point across. "The only thing that will be driving my behaviour is John's opinion of me when he eventually finds out everything that went on here ... _and he will_. He'd be disappointed in me if I just gave in and helped you create god only knows what. So I'm not – giving in that is."

"Very well," Doctor Walker rose from his chair abruptly; glancing back at his right hand henchman. "Mr Brown – take our guest to the labs."

"You could have at least let me drink the coffee first," I complained as Brown pulled me roughly up from the chair and dragged me away.

**Authors Note:**

Re the marriage license 'rules' I used in the last chapter (Interlude 3), I researched a few US states on Google and found the rules were different depending on which state the application was lodged in. Here in Australia you put in an application and some time later you get it approved and if that's before 28 days have passed you have to wait the rest of the 28 days to actually get married ... my understanding of US laws (driven primarily by all the highly realistic TV I've watched over the years) was that it is similar in most states, except places like Las Vegas which accept applications and approve them on the spot, with no waiting times to get married. That might not be the case any more - I'm a long way from the US and Google only goes so far, plus researching marriage laws for all 52 states would have been painful overkill. In any case I deliberately put in (as John in his POV) that as far as _he_ knew Vegas was the only place to take an application and approve it on the spot. He's a _guy_ - I think it's believeable that everything he knows about marriage laws he also learnt from watching TV and movies. So to summarise the purpose for this overly long authors note - apologies if my take on marriage licenses doesn't line up with the reality as you know it :D**.**

_Next Up? "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" Interlude 4_


	9. Interlude 4: Give me the phone

****

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

Interlude 4: Give me the phone

"_This isn't working!_" I pushed away from the table impatiently, standing and running an agitated hand through my hair. We'd been at it for hours and still had nothing ... hours during which Sabina was being subjected to ... frankly I didn't want to let my mind go there. We were only a couple of hours from the 24 hour mark, a painfully significant milestone I'd hoped we wouldn't get to.

"John," Teyla got up and put a hand on my shoulder, I'm sure not missing how tense I was.

"Sorry," I muttered, turning back to the others apologetically. I usually had better control than to let my frustrations be so apparent but after hours couped up in that room on top of no sleep the night before I was down to the thin end of the rope.

"Don't apologise," Daniel replied for everyone. "I know it's slow going but we _have_ made progress – we've ruled out more than half of these companies."

"Which still leaves twenty, any one of whom could be responsible," I pointed out grimly.

"I can narrow that done some more," Rodney promised.

"Then General Landry will authorise for teams to check out each location," Walter finished.

"And if none of them turn up anything?" I cut to the heart of my concerns - after all we really had no idea what we were looking for and could easily have eliminated the wrong company in the first five minutes.

"Then we look again," Daniel promised. "We keep looking until we find something."

"I still have my contacts actively searching for anything to point us in the right direction," Agent Barrett reminded me. "No one can keep a secret of this magnitude for long – someone _will_ talk if we offer the right incentive."

"Perhaps you should take a break," Teyla suggested to me.

"Yeah, okay," I took the hint for what it was – my irritation was distracting them and I was getting discouraged, neither of which was helpful to Sabina. Maybe some fresh air _would_ help.

oOo

Pacing around in the trees wasn't any more satisfying than pacing in the conference room had been. Throwing myself down on the ground I stretched out on my back. Looking up at the sky I tried for the first time to actively think about how Sabina would be handling this. She'd be scared but she wouldn't want her captors to know that which meant she'd probably be taking a big page out of the John Sheppard Book of Smart Arse Remarks. My girl took way too much pleasure in having someone say she was like me! I could only hope she didn't provoke a response with a too well aimed barb but hopefully these guys were professionals not so easily manipulated.

No, my main concern was what they'd do to her when she didn't cooperate – and I never doubted for a minute that she would. Sabina would do everything in her power to make things as difficult for her captors as possible. She'd see it as a matter of pride ... _my_ pride just as much as her own. And she'd get hurt as a result ... in fact if I knew her at all she'd probably already pushed it too far and been punished for resisting. It was that thought that had me so uncomfortable in my own skin I could hardly sit still.

"I'm trying to find out more but it's a closed room," an unfamiliar male voice drifted to my position through the trees.

There was a pause before the voice came again, this time with more than just a hint of exasperation. "I'm sure they don't know where she is or they'd be out _there_ instead of still here."

I sat up abruptly as the meaning of that registered.

They were talking about Sabina.

Getting quietly to my feet I crept through the trees towards the source, listening carefully for the next instalment.

"I'll do my best to find out more but I'm not making any promises ... unless you'd like to up my fee of course."

Someone had sold Sabina out for money! I felt the rage clamouring for a voice inside my head ... it was only years of surviving situations guaranteed to make even the mildest mannered person angry that gave me the control to use that rage rather than let it use me.

Silent footsteps carried me towards the informer ... "C_ome on_," I thought. "_Say something!_"

"I'm taking the risks you're paying me for," his voice sneered, much closer than before. "_Yes_ - I'll make my next report in two hours."

Okay, that conversation was clearly over. I had to sacrifice a bit of stealth for speed otherwise he'd be out of range before I could see where he went next. If it was inside the mountain I'd be set because I could just look at the sign in sheet. But if he went somewhere else first I'd never find him.

Sprinting through the trees I burst out into the car park beside the rear entrance ... the favoured place for personnel needing a quick trip outside ... just in time to catch the back of someone heading towards the check in point. Rather than alert my target and possibly give him a chance to get away I kept a reasonable distance, letting him clear the check point and head back to wherever it was he worked inside the mountain.

"Sergeant Pierce, who was the last person you signed in?" I asked the check point guard in a tone that made him sit up to attention.

"Jason Rogers Sir," Pierce replied quickly.

"Who is he?" the name wasn't familiar to me, not surprising since I was stationed in a whole other galaxy.

"Secretary to the IOA Sir," Pierce explained. "He comes in sometimes with Mr Woolsey, especially if there are a lot of meetings."

"Any idea where he was going?" I asked casually.

"No Sir," Pierce replied. "But Mr Woolsey uses a conference room on level 25 – he might have gone there."

"Thank you Sergeant."

I signed myself in before heading down to level 25, tapping the earpiece I still wore on the way.

"Ronon, grab Teyla and Rodney and meet me outside the conference room on level 25," I closed the channel without further explanation, knowing he'd follow my order without question.

I must have got the next lift after Rogers' because I spotted his back heading down the corridor only a few metres in front of me when I exited on his level. Stalking after him I barely registered the personnel passing me, giving distracted nods as I kept my eyes firmly on my target.

He disappeared into a room just up ahead, my arrival in the doorway taking place only a few seconds later.

"Ah Colonel Sheppard, any news?" Richard Woolsey looked up from the stack of papers he'd been reading and saw me standing there.

"No," I replied shortly, looking at the man now sitting across from Woolsey.

"Was there something else you wanted?" Woolsey asked in confusion.

"A word with your secretary ... in private," I slammed a fierce glance straight at Woolsey, everything in my eyes telling him to leave NOW! For once he picked up on the signals and did what he was told without the need for a big discussion.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Jason Rogers looked at me with innocent confusion once Woolsey had closed the door behind him. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"No, but you're gonna speak to me," I said grimly, walking over to his position and yanking him roughly up from the table. Slamming him up against the nearest wall I leaned into him threateningly. "You can start by telling me who you were talking to up on the surface."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rogers eyes skited away from mine, making a mockery of that statement. He knew all right and he was scared.

"Do you know how close to the edge I am?" I asked menacingly. "You don't want to push me right now."

"You don't scare me," he said bravely.

Grabbing him by the throat I squeezed hard. He was a typical office type – light on mass – which made it easy for me to lift him off the floor by his neck. "How about now?" I growled. I was close enough to see every nuance of expression in his eyes, close enough for him to read the determination and intent in mine. He believed I'd follow through on the implied threat if he didn't cooperate but still he hesitated.

"John!" Teyla's shocked voice broke into my concentrated focus.

"_What?" _I ground out, still keeping my hold around Rogers' throat.

"Oh God - he's lost it now," Rodney muttered, crowding into the doorway with the rest of my team.

"Sheppard?" Ronon rumbled, pushing past the others to stand at my shoulder. He was the only one to deduce immediately that there _was_ a valid reason for me choking the life out this guy, and so the only one to stand beside me in support.

"This guy sold Sabina out," I shot a glare at Rogers before glancing over at Ronon. "He's getting paid to pass on information about us too – presumably to warn them off if we get too close."

"Leave him with me for a few minutes," Ronon suggested with a feral grin. "He'll talk."

"O – k ... k," Rogers tried to say something.

"John, at least loosen your hold so he can speak," Teyla urged.

"Oh – right," I let go of Rogers abruptly, watching with a fair amount of pleasure as he slumped down the wall to sit gasping on the floor.

"I can't tell you anything," Rogers held a hand to his throat, voice shaking with nerves. "You know they'll kill me if they find out."

"I thought we'd already established that I'll kill you if you don't," I leant down and hauled him back up, slamming him down into the closest available chair. "Anything that happens to Sabina from this point I'm holding you personally accountable for - until you give me what I need to put a stop to this."

"Do I get a deal?" Rogers was _still_ looking out for number one.

"You get to live," I looked at him in disgust. "Be grateful for that because I'd be just as happy to feed you to the Wraith and call it a good day."

"I don't know his name," Rogers capitulated with sudden ease – thank god the bad guys _never_ stuck together. "I get a call on the phone he gave me ... he sets the time for the next call."

"Give me the phone," Rodney strode over to the guy, holding out a hand and clicking his fingers impatiently. Once he had it he hurried from the room, explaining as he went. "I'll access the phone's records; see if I can track his last call to a server. Once I've got that I should be able to trace the next call."

"How'd this guy you _say_ you don't know approach you the first time?" I demanded.

"I got an SMS asking me if I was interested in making a little money on the side," Rogers explained defensively. "I ... _may_ have sold the occasional piece of information in the past so he probably got my contact information from that."

"You're a credit to the IOA aren't you?" I shook my head distastefully. "And I thought the members of the committee were bad enough." Trying to get a lid on my emotions I paused for a few moments before turning back to Rogers.

"I want to know everything you told your contact," I said sternly. "Start talking or I'll let my friend here have a chat with you instead."

"He already knew about the girl," Rogers admitted. "Said his sources had provided him with information about her medical background that was of great interest. All he wanted from me was a heads up if either you or the girl turned up here, plus a report on anything I might overhear while you were both around."

"And what did you overhear?" I asked grimly.

"Just that you weren't staying very long," Rogers replied defensively. "He said he had someone tailing you ... asked me to keep an ear out for anything else relevant."

"What else did you pass on?" I demanded angrily.

"Woolsey asked me to arrange a special meeting of the IOA," Rogers looked up at me, checking to see if I was following.

"And you told your contact what it was for," I concluded, frowning as I realised whoever had Sabina had even more ammunition to taunt her with. It would appear this guy knew more than she did – she'd be off balance. God only knew what other background information he'd dredged up to use against us.

"Is that all?" I looked at him in disgust. This guy hadn't been solely responsible for Sabina being taken but he'd done more than his fair share as an accomplice. I could barely stand the sight of him, especially since I wasn't allowed to rough him up now he was being so cooperative.

"I was supposed to let him know if you looked like you had a lead," Rogers replied. "I couldn't get close enough to give him anything useful beyond the fact that you were all still here."

"Okay," I stood behind the guys chair and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard enough to make him cry out in pain. Leaning down close to his ear I whispered "be glad I checked my weapon in when I got here." The little whimper he let out was enough to know he'd got the message. "I find out you've lied to me or did anything else to jeopardise Sabina's rescue? I'll come back and make you regret it."

Straightening I turned away, rubbing a hand over my face as I considered what we should do next.

"What do you want to do with him now?" Ronon stood beside me, silently lending his support for whatever I might want to do.

"Put him in the brig," I said, slumping down at the table tiredly. "If that phone doesn't pan out we'll have to lean on him some more – see what we can squeeze out."

Ronon muscled Rogers out of there, leaving only Teyla and myself behind.

"Teyla, head back upstairs and fill in Doctor Jackson and the others on what's happened," I requested. "Tell them we appreciate the help and we'll let them know if we need anything else."

"Very well," Teyla agreed graciously. Rather than head out she walked over and sat down beside me. "Are you all right?" she asked in concern.

"She wouldn't cooperate would she?" I looked up at Teyla reluctantly, not wanting to see the worry I knew would be on her face.

"Sabina has a strong sense of right and wrong," Teyla replied evasively. "She will hold on until you find her John."

"Well, let's just hope we don't make her wait too much longer," I replied grimly.

"Rodney will work his usual magic," Teyla said confidently. "When the people who did this call again we will know who is responsible."

"And then we go get Sabina," I promised, "whatever it takes."

**Authors Note:**

I'm not a mobile phone expert ... in fact everything I know about tracing prior calls came from watching NCIS LOL. I hope it doesn't feel like this storyline is dragging on ... progress is coming I promise!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 6_


	10. I believe an additional dose is required

**Authors Note:**

WARNING - There is one instance of M rated swearing in this chapter so if that bothers you, you might want to skim read the first part of this.

**Chapter 6: I believe an additional dose is required**

I'd thought the height of helplessness would be being chained blindfolded to that wall in the basement.

I was wrong.

Even worse was the helplessness I felt as I lay on an examination table in Walker's lab ... on top of the humiliation of Brown 'escorting' me and then manhandling me into position it was difficult not to feel scared, and discouraged. Not that I didn't believe John was coming for me, because I did ... 100 percent. Would it be before Walker did something we couldn't take back? The negative possibilities in that were thoughts I struggled to suppress.

The room was very bright, sterile and too cold, the decor putting me very much in mind of one of those high priced private clinics. The cold of the room extended even to the metal slab I was stretched out on ... and restrained to. My wrists were strapped inside leather restraints which made me think of mental asylums and a whole host of other nightmarish images. Of course I tugged on the restraints and of course they didn't budge. I'd given up on them and on finding anything I could reach that might help and still no one arrived. I think Walker deliberately took his time turning up, making the most of my overly active imagination as I waited alone, conjuring up a stream of ever worsening visions regarding what he was going to do with me.

"Ah, I see you're ready," Walker commented jovially as he walked into the room. He'd gone the full hog on his role as mad lab doctor too – swapping his expensive jacket for a white lab coat. Brown had returned with him and somehow that just made the whole thing worse – as if having a witness really made that much difference.

"Did I mention that Colonel Sheppard will make you pay for hurting me?" I asked weakly, shivering slightly and telling myself it was just from the cold.

"Just lie back and relax," Walker advised in smarmy Doctor Evil helpfulness.

Yeah like I was really gonna do that! I didn't know what to say, where to look, how to be – the situation was so completely outside my experience I just had no basis to even attempt a contrived reaction. Looking away as Walker approached I missed the bit where he injected me with something.

"What was that?" I demanded.

"Just a little sedative," Walker excused. "This first examination will go better if I don't have to fight with you."

"You really are a slimy bastard aren't you?" I blinked deliberately, feeling myself spacing out and trying to stop it from happening.

"There's no need for language my dear," Walker spoke like he was some kind of benevolent uncle.

"Fuck ... you," I slurred.

"She really is quite remarkable," Walker commented over my head. He was swimming in and out of my vision but I was still with it enough to understand what was going on.

"How so?" Brown asked curiously.

"The shot I gave her should have been enough to fell someone twice her size in seconds and yet she still retains some measure of consciousness," Walker explained, his tone making it clear he was genuinely fascinated by the whole thing.

"Is that because of that alien DNA stuff?" Brown tried to sound like he knew what he was talking about ... stupid goon that he was.

"That is part of what we must determine," Walker replied. "For now I believe an additional dose is required."

I registered that second injection just barely ... my vision started to grey out around the edges ...

oOo

When I came back to myself I was in my cosy little guest room, tucked up in the bed. I could have believed the whole morning had been a bad dream but for the fact that I hadn't been relaxed enough to sleep _under_ the covers the night before, ending up stretched out on top of them instead. Sitting up abruptly caused a head rush and dizzy spell that had me flopping back down again. Waiting a few seconds and then taking it much slower I got myself out of bed and across to the window. The sun was still high in the sky so only two or three hours had gone by ... still, that was plenty of time for them to have done who knew what.

I wasn't sure I really _wanted_ to see evidence of what had happened while I was unconscious, but nothing unpleasant ever went away by avoiding it. Walking slowly to the bathroom I had to take a moment to prepare myself before I looked in the mirror. The guy had actually replaced my butterfly strips with stitches, and a lot neater looking than I would have expected. He really must have been thinking about keeping me there long term and that sent a sick feeling of dread rushing to the pit of my stomach. Apart from the fact I was paler than before there was nothing in my face to indicate what had happened in that lab.

Okay, easy part over – next up was the rest of me. That sick feeling returned when I realised I was wearing a different set of clothing than I'd gone in there with – oh God don't go there Sabina! I tried not to let it bother me but still found myself sitting on the floor breathing much too fast as my body shook in nervous reaction.

"Get a grip," I coached myself hoarsely. "You can do this – just get up and finish it."

Next I systematically checked the rest of myself over, looking for anything that would tell me what Walker had done. My thigh wounds had also been stitched and re-bandaged ... I glossed over thinking about that and moved on. He'd taken blood – quite a bit from the number of marks I had on the inside of each arm. I'd known he was going to do that so no surprises there.

And that was it – I wasn't carrying any further evidence of the mornings captivity – outwardly anyway. I didn't think the taking of blood would have me feeling so strange – either the sedative hadn't worn off or he'd given me something else along the way.

I'd always thought it a bit clichéd when characters in movies would rush to wash off the figurative dirt from contact with the bad guy ... after what I'd been through I couldn't get into that shower fast enough. And yeah, I did scrub much harder than warranted trying to remove the horrible imagined feeling of Walker's hands on me. The water had gone cold and I still didn't feel ready to get out – only the suddenly remembered fear that they could come back any time had me scrambling from the shower.

Fixing up my wounds with new bandages and getting myself into clean clothes didn't take long. I sat on the bed for a time, staring into space while inside my mind just wouldn't shut up. Rather than think about what I'd gone through that morning I couldn't help but focus on what Walker had said about John.

I knew with complete certainty that John and whoever else he could get from the SCG were working on finding me. I'd been gone for more than 24 hours now, enough time for John to go from pissed off to angry with deadly intent. You know what I mean – the kind of anger that had resulted in more than 60 Genii soldiers being splattered against the Stargate shield while John barely blinked.

He was good ... _more than good_. But if Walker had someone high enough, someone unexpected, then it _was_ possible they could get to John without him suspecting. It was bad enough they'd taken me because of what I was ... the idea that John could suffer too because of me, that they might be able to hurt him if I didn't cooperate, on top of all the other things I was struggling not to think about had the tears streaming beyond my ability to control them.

Turning my face into the pillow to muffle the sound I sobbed bitterly until I had nothing left. Turning over I gazed sightlessly up at the ceiling, feeling thankfully numb. After doing more crying in a day than I'd done in years I was feeling impatient with myself ... apart from the first few hours I hadn't even attempted to find a way out of there. I was being pathetic and suddenly that was just unacceptable.

It was a relief to feel my own anger surging to the surface. I'd been taken against my will, attacked with a knife, abused, and had my blood stolen away for some evil purpose. They'd scared the crap out of me and made me feel weak willed and pitiful – not to mention the fact that they'd ruined the first holiday I'd ever had with John. Somehow they were gonna have to pay for that.

oOo

Deciding to make someone pay and coming up with a way to make it happen are two different things. I checked that room over in fine detail without coming up with anything. The window was a possibility if I was really desperate – the second storey was high enough I couldn't just jump and there was no lucky pipe, trellis or anything else I could hold on to within reach for climbing down.

I hadn't actually tried the door since I'd woken up ... stupid as it turned out because it was actually open again. Taking the now familiar route down the steps I headed for the front door. This time it was locked – and not just locked. There was some kind of electronic security system in operation, an LCD screen installed by the door flashing the word "armed" accompanied by five red lights all lit up.

That couldn't be the only door in the place so I did a one eighty and headed into the house. I didn't get far though – Mr Smith from yesterday was standing guard in front of a door down the corridor. He saw me straight away and immediately spoke to someone on his radio, obviously reporting in that I was awake and on the move.

Deciding the best offence was a casual disregard for the circumstances I turned away without saying anything, installing myself in the dining room to wait for someone to find me. I had my feet up on the table and was half way through one of the apples they kept in a bowl on the table before Doctor Walker appeared in the doorway.

"I am pleased to see you suffering no ill effects from this morning Ms Scott," Walker greeted me pleasantly.

"Are you planning on telling me what you got out of your little performance?" I asked, continuing to eat the apple because once I'd taken one bite I'd realised how hungry I was.

"This morning was about collecting some baseline information," Walker surprised me by actually answering. "I took a number of measurements, completed a full scan, and of course took a number of blood samples for further analysis."

"And that's it?" I asked in disbelief. "You had to drug me into unconsciousness just for that?"

"Scans require the patient to be completely still," Walker said dismissively. "You would not have submitted willingly. Rest assured Ms Scott, I have no interest in anything of a sexual nature. Your virtue, such as it is, is safe while you remain under my roof."

"Good to know," I replied flippantly. Not having anywhere to dispose of my apple core I tossed it back in the bowl, not missing the way Walker winced in distaste. "So ... what now?"

"You are free to do as you please until your blood work comes back this afternoon," Walker offered. "You have free reign of the house but please note that all exits have been secured. Should you even touch them an alarm will alert my men – there are sufficient numbers here to restrain you with ease. Ask the kitchen staff for anything you require."

"So – back to the gilded cage approach then," I muttered under my breath, watching him leave with a heavy heart.

**Author's Note:**

__

_Next Up? "The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View" Interlude 5_


	11. Interlude 5: You’re not gonna believe it

******The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 5: You're not gonna believe this**

Everything inside me was screaming "_hurry - it's already been too long_" and still we were forced to wait for action. Rodney had managed to track Rogers' phone to a remote server. It was supposed to be completely untraceable – would have been for anyone without Rodney's experience at hacking into systems much tougher than this one. As it was Rodney had worked out a way to trace the untraceable just as soon as the next call came through.

All the players were gathered in the main conference room a few minutes before Roger's contact was due. We'd come up with a plan ... the kind that could be toppled with one false move ... and I admit I was nervous because I knew we wouldn't get a second chance if everything went pear shaped.

"I'm good to go," Rodney announced confidently, fingers poised as we waited for the phone to ring. Rogers' had agreed to cooperate after I'd promised we'd talk about a deal if everything went well. Since I fully intended to take out everyone remotely connected to Sabina's disappearance I didn't think much else would be required. And talking didn't necessarily equate with doing, something Rogers was going to find out to his detriment.

Rogers sat nervously at the conference table, biting his nails and generally convincing me relying on this guy was a disaster waiting to happen. Rodney had assured me it wouldn't matter – that he'd be able to get what he needed within seconds. I'd worked out a scenario for Rogers that should convince his boss the nervousness was natural.

The phone rang dead on the two hour mark.

"Here we go," I muttered, motioning for Rogers to pick it up like usual.

"Rogers," our guy spoke first. We had it connected to speaker phone so the rest of us could hear the other side of the conversation. Rodney tapped away in the background, already doing his thing as the rest of us sat silently listening.

"Have you managed to find out anything Jason?" a surprisingly cultured male voice enquired.

"No," Rogers said defensively. "This place is like a fortress – I can't get closer and I think they're getting suspicious."

"You are simply not trying hard enough," cultured voice admonished. "I pay you a considerable retainer for your services Jason."

"I ah ... I don't think I can do this anymore," Rogers said weakly. "They're gonna catch me and then I'll end up in prison and all the money you're paying me won't mean shit."

"But at least you'll be alive Mr Rogers," the threat in that was evident to all of us. Rogers gulped nervously, shooting an uncertain glance my way. I circled my hand in the air, motioning for him to continue as rehearsed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rogers demanded, voice shaking with real nerves. "Are you gonna send your goons after me now?"

"Your lack of imagination disappoints me," the other man replied.

"Yeah well you can't do anything because you need me – how else are you gonna get the kind of information I can provide?" Rogers turned slightly avaricious as we'd agreed.

"Now the real motives become clear," cultured voice said with amusement. "You want more money."

"I think I deserve it," Rogers whined. "This place is getting more and more risky ... I need a nice little nest egg, just in case I have to retire suddenly."

"Get me the information I need and you'll get double your normal fee," the other guy replied. "And Jason – this time, don't let me down."

"I won't," Rogers promised.

"In two hours then," cultured voice agreed, hanging up without warning.

Rogers slumped back in his chair, cringing when Ronon pinned him with the silent, threatening stare. I could see him about to speak, probably wanting to talk deal, but Ronon's hand squeezing his shoulder was an effective deterrent.

"Well?" I looked at Rodney hopefully.

"I got it," Rodney said triumphantly. "You're not gonna believe this – she's practically still in Colorado!" I looked over Rodney's shoulder as he pointed to a section of the map he had on screen. "The signal's coming from a ranch here – just outside of Shiprock, New Mexico - halfway between us and Vegas. That's about 7 hours by car but you can get us there much faster right? This is the air force after all."

"I'll speak to General Landry - take Rogers back to the Brig." I ran from the room, barrelling down the corridor and then skidding to a stop outside the General's door.

"We have a location Sir, 380 miles south east of here," I announced. "If you can hook me up with transportation we can be there inside of three hours."

"Walter, get someone from Peterson on the line," Landry ordered. Turning back to me he added another order. "Get your team on the road Colonel. I'll have something waiting at the base, along with suitable backup, when you arrive."

"Thank you Sir."

oOo

Forty five minutes later I found myself behind the controls of a HH-60G Pave Hawk, the air force's multipurpose combat search and rescue helicopter. Teyla was beside me in the co pilots chair, her face filled with a combination of apprehension and wonder because this was a lot different from being a passenger in a Puddle Jumper. Rodney had reluctantly seated himself at flight engineering, leaving the gunners spot for Ronon. We even had back up, two teams of marines in the back section ready to assist once we landed. Daniel had wanted to come too – only my request he stay in case we needed more information from Rogers and my promise that I'd have Sabina call him once we'd rescued her convinced him to stay at the SGC.

It occurred to me as I took the most direct heading that I'd never actually flown any of my team in a conventional aircraft before. Rodney had done that mad dash in the F302 when we were being chased by the Wraith virus but that was an alien enhanced inertial dampened vehicle. This was loud and ... real - you could feel the motion all the way down to your stomach. I glanced back quickly and noted that Rodney actually looked a bit green around the gills. Ronon on the other hand looked like he was having the time of his life, despite the slightly ridiculous edge the radio headphones gave him.

"You okay McKay?" I asked over the radio everyone was tuned into.

"We're doing close to 200 miles per hour in a giant tin can without inertial dampeners," Rodney retorted sarcastically. "So no, I'm not okay."

"Sabina will appreciate the sacrifice," I said softly.

"Yeah, well she better," Rodney muttered back.

"Can you get me any information on what we're heading into?" I got us back to business abruptly.

"It's a cattle ranch registered to Doctor Ethan Walker," Rodney reported. "The ranch is pretty high tech but it looks like more of a hobby than a profitable business concern. Turns out Walker owns a number of enterprises, including BioGen – a company that specialises in genetic engineering which coincidentally happens to be one of the companies in Agent Barrett's list."

"I remember that one," Ronon revealed. "They worked on another Trust project a while back. Barrett crossed them off the list because of some screw up with that. There was no mention of this Walker guy."

"That's because he's quite good at altering his paper trail to hide himself," Rodney replied. "Luckily not as good as me. Once I had Shiprock as the destination it wasn't hard to find the owner – linking that back to BioGen? Now that was hard!"

Rodney glanced at me after he'd finished patting himself on the back. "You know, without you catching Rogers red handed selling information we wouldn't have made Walker. Without the direct link to him, BioGen _doesn't_ look like a likely suspect. We'd never have come out here to look for Sabina."

"I'll thank Rogers for being a big mouth later," I promised mockingly. "Do we know anything else about Walker?"

"Just that he's a fully qualified medical doctor who specialises in genetics," Rodney admitted. "According to Barrett's contacts he's ruthless and driven – the NID didn't know about the connection between Walker and BioGen but they still had him on their watch list for Trust contracts dealing with genetics. Presumably this time Walker promised the Trust something the competition couldn't match."

"Access to Wraith enhanced human DNA," I concluded. "Listen McKay, we won't get any intel on this place before we get there so things could get a little rough. I'll understand if you want to wait it out in here."

"I'm good," Rodney countered just as I'd expected. "Besides you might need me to help you break in. This guy's the type to have a state of the art security system."

"How long will it take to reach our destination?" Teyla asked.

"Sunset ETA is seventeen fifteen hours – about twenty minutes from now," I reported. "Our ETA at Shiprock is nineteen hundred hours."

"Isn't that a kind of disadvantage for us?" Rodney asked worriedly.

"What – that it'll be dark?" I queried. "Not really – we've got forward looking infrared night vision – should help us locate enemy positions before we get on the ground."

"Do we have a plan?" Ronon asked.

"Depends on numbers," I admitted. "We'll do what we can to target specific positions from the air but in the end it's probably gonna be a run and gun approach until we can get inside."

"So pretty much business as usual then," Rodney quipped. "Except we're back on Earth and the enemy isn't Wraith ... which is an advantage because once they're down they'll stay down."

"Yeah, except for that," I agreed.

oOo

"What was the purpose of the special IOA meeting?" Teyla's question fell into the silent darkness when we were still about half an hour out from Shiprock.

"Huh?" I glanced across at her curiously before turning my gaze back to my instruments, suddenly even more grateful it was dark.

"When you were questioning Jason Rogers," Teyla clarified. "He mentioned a special meeting Mr Woolsey was calling – you seemed to already know what it was about."

"This'll be good," Rodney muttered that under his breath but it came through loud and clear over the radio. I glanced back, meeting his eyes as he looked up from his laptop in anticipation.

"Does it matter?" I asked dismissively, turning back to Teyla.

"It is clear that you do not wish to tell us," Teyla replied. "For that reason alone it _does_ matter."

"It's not like that Teyla," I protested. "It was just a ... personal matter I needed to talk to Woolsey about. Clearly he can't make even a simple decision without checking it with the IOA first!"

"A personal matter?" Rodney laughed. "That's a good way of describing it."

"_McKay_," I grumbled warningly.

"What?" Rodney protested. "It's not like you're not gonna tell them anyway!"

"Yeah but I'd prefer it is Sabina _wasn't_ the last to know!" I pointed out irritably.

"Oh - right," Rodney said weakly. "I didn't think of that."

"You were gonna ask her to marry you?" Ronon made the connection a few seconds before Teyla, probably because he'd asked me when I was getting married months ago. He'd worked it out without an actual response from me.

"Maybe ... yeah," I kept my eyes fixed firmly in front of me – didn't need them to know the others were all exchanging sympathetic looks and thinking 'Poor John' right about then.

"I am sorry," Teyla put a hand on my arm consolingly.

"Me too," I shot a quick glance at her before looking away again. "Doesn't matter – we'll rescue Sabina and then be back on track – just a couple of days behind schedule."

"Yes we will," Teyla said reassuringly, squeezing my arm before letting me go.

oOo

As soon as we got there I flew the helicopter over Walker's ranch in a wide sweep, checking the layout and getting a reading on infrared. There were about twenty signals down there, more than I would have liked but not enough to have me looking for a different plan. I decided to land right in the front yard, ordering our marine backup to be ready to make positions as soon as the doors opened. Hopefully the blatant arrival of the Marines would be intimidating enough to put most of the hired guns off trying anything stupid.

"You guys ready?" I made eye contact with each of my team, seeing what I needed in each set of eyes. We were ready. "Okay, Ronon you cover me. Teyla, wait until we've made it to the porch – we'll cover you and Rodney. McKay, stay behind Teyla – I need you to open that door. Let's do this."

**Authors Note:**

My information about the locations for everything, including distance, directions, and how long it would take to get places by car came from Google Maps (I LOVE them – you should have seen me mapping out routes and looking for interesting land marks and plausible farming locations etc – it was way cool!). The helicopter John used is hopefully appropriate for their mission – my information came from the www dot af dot mil factsheet on the HH-60G pave hawk, which said it was used often for civil search and rescue. I even went so far as to take note of its top speed and factor that into my calculations on how long it would have taken to get from the SGC to Sabina's location. The only thing I couldn't confirm was how many people you might get in the back – hence my kind of vague description of two teams of marines.

Weather information came from www dot wunderground dot com historical records. Sunset information came from www dot timeanddate dot com – again their historic records. I used them to work out when it would be dark for the helicopter flight. Arriving in the dark just appealed to me for some reason.

Hope you enjoyed the bonus two chapters in one day ... I think we all know what's coming next ... grins!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapters 7_


	12. I’m afraid this could be quite painful

**Authors Note:**

I've changed the rating of this story to M just because I keep feeling the need to put warnings at the beginning of chapters and thinking over the rest of the story I'll probably keep feeling that way ... so best to play it safe.

**Chapter 7: I'm afraid this could be quite painful**

Being left alone for so many hours was just another strange thing to add to all the other strange events of the past two days. I'd toured the whole bottom floor of the house, drawing the attention of the ten guards I'd counted on the premises but no one had approached me or spoken to me. The only time one of them had even acknowledged my presence was when I'd gotten too close to the front door. The nearest guard had just casually drawn his weapon and held it ready as he looked at me expressionlessly ... the impression being that he had orders to shoot me if I tried to escape. It was too soon ... I was a long way from being desperate enough to test out those orders so I'd found a place to retreat, although I was never out of the direct line of sight of at least one guard.

It was early evening before Brown appeared in the doorway of the library - my chosen hiding place - where I'd been pretending to read for the previous two hours.

"Don't tell me," I began reluctantly. "The blood results are in."

"Doctor Walker's waiting in the lab," Brown confirmed with a cruel smile.

I was nowhere near the point of just getting up and following along meekly – Brown knew it too because he didn't wait for me to get up. Instead he strode into the room, yanked the book out of my hands and threw it onto the table. Next thing I knew he was dragging me back down the hallway.

"Doesn't it bother you, what you're doing?" I pulled back hard on the arm he was holding, making him work for every step.

"Not particularly," Brown surprised me by replying. "From what Doctor Walker said there are enemies just waiting to get here and wipe us all out. One person suffering to make sure that doesn't happen is okay with me."

"The ends justifies the means?" I queried. "Even though that makes you just as bad as those enemies? No – actually it makes you worse because at least they've got the excuse of biological need."

Brown growled low in his throat but refrained from saying anything else, the tightening of his grip on my arm enough to broadcast his displeasure at my words. The rest of the trip to the lab was silent, as was the time it took for Brown and Walker to get me back up on that examination table, strapped in just like before.

"Your blood results were just as interesting as I'd hoped," Doctor Walker said conversationally, smiling down at me like I should be pleased about that. "Isolating the Wraith elements however was not as easy as I'd hoped."

"Maybe that's because your intel isn't as good as you think it is ... I mean, how can you be sure I even have Wraith DNA?" I tried to plant the seeds of doubt ... a long shot but maybe he'd feel the need to check his sources if I could create enough uncertainty. It wouldn't delay him much but maybe it would buy some time for John to find me.

"Oh I assure you my sources are very reliable," Walker replied, clearly amused by my attempt. "In fact I don't think you've made any friends at the IOA ... one member in particular seemed far too keen to volunteer you specifically to be a part of my bid for the Trust contract."

"You've _bought_ someone on the IOA?" the fact surprised me deeply, as did the knowledge that I was only there because someone in a position of great trust had abused that position ... for money. It was disheartening and actually a little bit hurtful to think I'd been betrayed like that.

"Everyone is available for hire if the price is right," Walker confirmed before bringing everything back to his research. "As I said, the Wraith elements were difficult to isolate ... the serum I spent the past few months developing should have assisted in locating the Wraith parts of your DNA. Unfortunately it proved less than satisfactory in a test tube, forcing me to take a more direct route."

I raised my head as much as I could, trying to see what he was doing, feeling sick because I suspected I knew what he was going to do next.

"Please don't do this," I said softly, watching as he walked towards me with a syringe all ready to go. "You have no way of knowing what that will do to me."

"I expect it will seek out Wraith elements and place markers at the DNA level ," Walker replied casually. "We'll take another sample of your blood once it's had a chance to take effect and hopefully be able to extract enough Wraith DNA to begin synthesizing." He stood over me with an expression that had panic clawing in my throat, ready to get out if only I'd give it voice. He was _enjoying_ this ... what's worse, he didn't see me as a human being – just a tool to help him win that contract. "I'm sorry my dear," he apologised with a smarmy smile. "I'm afraid this could be quite painful."

I turned my head away, resolutely focussing on the opposite wall as I felt the needle pierce my skin, delivering his serum in a painful rush of sensation. It didn't take long ... probably less than five minutes later I began to feel the effects.

At first it was just a kind of itching sensation – not on my skin, but inside where I couldn't get to it. The itching escalated into needles stabbing everywhere, making me twitch and groan despite my attempts to remain still and silent. The needles became daggers, and then the daggers fire that raged everywhere my blood flowed. I couldn't get away from it ... there was no part of me that wasn't affected. Even it that there were degrees though ... I could handle the sensations over arms and legs but inside my head, through my eyes? It was the worst pain I could imagine and it went on and on until I was screaming – not for it to stop but just because I couldn't not.

You'd think with that much pain my brain would have done me the service of just shutting me off for a while but something about having fire blood flowing through my head just made that switch unavailable. I was conscious for the whole thing, although not really aware when Walker got his precious blood samples and approached me with a new syringe.

"We have what we need for now," Walker commented to Brown. "This will neutralise the effects of the serum. After all it wouldn't do to damage our subject just yet. We may need to do this a number of times before I get what I require."

He might have injected something to turn off the first thing but it wasn't taking affect yet. I was still screaming, only peripherally aware when one of Walker's men appeared at the door, speaking to Walker in a low tone. I didn't catch what they were saying but the expression on Walker's face spoke volumes. He was majorly pissed about something - in fact he and Brown didn't even give me a second glance as they ran from the room, leaving me strapped to the table and still in agony.

I don't know how much time passed before I finally felt like I was beginning to return back to myself. It still hurt like a son of a bitch but I no longer needed to scream. That gave me mental space to start focussing on what was happening outside the room ... I could hear gunshots, automatic weapons fire and lots of shouting. And suddenly I knew.

John had found me.

Emotions swirled up inside as I began straining against my restraints. I knew that if John found me like that he'd have a meltdown and even though there was little chance I could get myself free I still had to try. By that stage I was crying in frustration, yanking at those restraints as hard as I could but they just wouldn't budge.

"_Sabina_," John stood in the doorway looking at me, his expression strangely blank and difficult to read.

"J – Jo – hn – n," I stuttered in a voice so far from my own as to be almost unrecognisable. My throat was raw from screaming, clogged up from crying and choppy because no matter how hard I tried to control it I was still twitching and shivering because of Walkers serum.

And then he was beside me, quickly undoing the restraints at my wrists and ankles before pulling me up and into his arms. I clung to him in a rigid hold, burying my head in that space beside neck and shoulder. John didn't say anything, just let me cry and shake and twitch while he anchored me.

"Sheppard," Ronon's voice came from the doorway. I looked up suddenly – I'd been so focussed on John I couldn't have told you whether he was alone or with a whole team of marines. "We've secured the ground floor but there are still men holed up on the second floor."

"Twelve," I stuttered out, meeting Ronon's eyes and hoping he'd understand the message I was trying to convey - that there were ten guards inside plus Walker and Brown.

"Six men on the second floor," Ronon revised, his expression a mix of approval and murderous rage. Whoever those six men were, they'd better hope someone other than Ronon came to apprehend them. Ronon continued when John nodded wordlessly. "Teyla questionned the ones we've captured ... none of them is Walker."

"Make sure they can't get off the second floor," John ordered. "I'll be there in a minute." Ronon nodded once, shot an unreadable glance my way, and then left us alone.

John returned all his attention back to me and I could see how torn he was. Part of him wanted to stay but the rest wanted to be out there exacting revenge on the people responsible. In the end it was the second part that was driving him the most. "I need to finish this ... can you hold on for just a little bit longer?"

Not trusting my voice I nodded an agreement. Now that he was there, now that I believed the whole nightmare was over, I found some of that core strength I'd lost during the day. Walker was still at large and although I hated to admit it to myself, that fact made me nervous - and all I wanted was for John to take care of everything so I'd stop feeling that way.

"Teyla" John radioed, giving her directions to the lab as soon a she responded. Neither of us spoke for the few minutes it took for Teyla to arrive.

Hugging me tightly for a few seconds John reluctantly pulled away. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he promised, gazing at me wordlessly for a moment before turning and running from the room.

Teyla said nothing at first, putting her P90 on the table so she could help me across to the nearest chair. Kneeling down in front of me she watched with concern for a few moments. "Are you well Sabina?"

"I don't k- know," I admitted, my voice finally almost stutter free. Not wanting to talk about that I quickly changed the subject. "How did you guys f-find me?"

"Doctor Walker had an informant inside the SGC," Teyla revealed. "Rodney was able to trace a call to this location."

"Did John -," I broke off, not sure what I wanted to ask.

"Rodney managed to bypass the security system on the front door," Teyla explained. "Our arrival from the air was quite ... loud and most of Walker's men had already retreated inside the house before Colonel Sheppard landed. We heard you screaming ... John proceeded immediately to your position, leaving Ronon and I, along with two teams of marines, to subdue Walker's forces. I believe Rodney is accessing the computer system as we speak."

"Oh," I frowned worriedly, "so John didn't confront _any_ of Walker's men?" That put a different spin on things ... I'd assumed John had already had the chance to vent some of his anger breaking in and getting to me. The fact that he hadn't sent nerves charging through me ... God, what would he do if he was the one to find Walker?

"I assume he is confronting the rest of them as we speak," Teyla confirmed my own thoughts.

"I need to get out of here," I announced suddenly, already dragging myself to my feet.

"You should rest," Teyla advised, putting a hand under my elbow to steady me when I swayed dizzily.

"I should -,"

"Ah Ms Scott," Walker's voice greeted us from the doorway. "How nice that you're still with us."

Crap! I looked up to see him standing there, shiny gun pointing right at us. Teyla's abandoned P90 sat on the table out of reach, mocking us for not being on guard as we should have.

"You surprise me," I ground out, letting my anger crowd out the nerves. "I would have thought a man like you would run away at the first gunshot."

"Ever the antagonist," Walker took a few steps into the room, keeping the gun trained on both Teyla and I. "I decided some insurance was warranted to guarantee my safe departure."

"Of course," I kept my eyes on Walker instead of the doorway where John had silently reappeared.

"Please move away from your friend," Walker ordered. "I will kill her if you don't cooperate."

"Okay," I agreed easily, closing the distance and putting myself between Teyla and the point of Walker's gun. "What now?"

"Now you come with me," Walker smiled confidently. He gestured with the gun for me to get moving. That's when I deliberately looked straight at John, knowing Walker wouldn't be able to resist turning to see what I was looking at.

He took his eyes off me for a second. I didn't give him a chance to register John's presence, using his moment of inattention to snap a high kick at his wrist that sent his gun flying. Of course I wasn't really up to that level of activity and the pain radiating all over me when I landed had me groaning weakly.

Walker was fully focussed back on me, anger pulsing off him as he used my less than stellar condition to make a grab at me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," John's voice was deadly and sure, his own weapon now pointed at the back of Walker's head. Walker froze, realising my glance behind him hadn't actually been a ruse after all.

"Colonel Sheppard I presume," he sneered mockingly. "Just in time to witness the end of your girlfriend's life but not in time to save her."

John shot a worried glance at me ... I shook my head, letting him know without words that I was okay, that Walker was just bluffing – well at least I _hoped_ he was bluffing. John's response was to press the butt of his gun harshly into Walker's head.

"Nice try," he drawled. "I'm sure your future cellmates will find you particularly entertaining."

"There is nowhere you can send me where money will not buy my release," Walker laughed smugly. "Given your own background I'm sure you can appreciate the power my resources command."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that if I were you," John retorted. I deliberately smiled a smug smile of my own, right in Walkers line of sight because surely he had no idea of how far away from his money and his thugs we could send him.

"There are other ... personal favours one can bestow with the right incentive," Walker shifted tack, sharing a conspiratory glance with me. "Something your girlfriend appreciates ... isn't that right _Sabina_?"

I felt the red haze of anger swamping me when I worked out what he meant. He was suggesting to John that I'd tried to bargain my way out of there with sexual favours. That slimy scumbag bastard! Charging forward I was brought up short when Teyla grabbed me from behind, holding me back.

"No," she said in that low commanding voice she uses. I struggled to break free but she was too strong.

The sound of John's gun cocking was loud enough to stop everything.

"I was already _this_ close to pulling the trigger," John spoke in a harsh quiet tone, snapping his fingers sharply in Walker's ear.

Walker froze, his expression suggesting he hadn't expected that response – did he _really_ believe John would be taken in by the crap he was spinning?

"The only thing stopping me was not making a mess in front of Sabina. But now? Take a look Walker," John taunted. "Sabina looks like she'd kind of enjoy the show – doesn't she?"

"You won't shoot me in cold blood in front of witnesses," Walker wasn't quite as confident now.

"What witnesses?" John laughed harshly, pushing Walker down to his knees and pressing his gun firmly to Walker's temple.

**Author's Note:**

Thank you to apishcan18 for pointing out that noise really stands out when you're somewhere deserted like Walker's ranch. I put Teyla's ref to that in this chapter to fix that oversight ... I would totally have missed it and then you'd all be there going 'how is John going to sneak up on Walker in a huge and very noisy helicopter!'

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 8_


	13. What did he do to you honey?

**Chapter 8: What did he do to you honey?**

"John?" I waited until he looked up at me, his pupils strangely dilated as he struggled to contain his desire to punish Walker in the most permanent way possible. Walker knelt there silently ... smart enough to realise that he'd become superfluous to the drama taking place around him. My eyes pleaded with John as I shook my head silently, begging him not to do something we'd struggle to explain away. John's expression turned mutinous ... he looked down at Walker again before sighing in frustration.

"Fine," he growled, raising the gun and slamming his target with the handle instead. Watching Walker slump to the ground unconscious he then looked at me again. "Don't make me regret I didn't finish that."

"Can we get out of here now?" I asked, keeping my eyes away from Walker. I'd _wanted_ him dead ... without consequences I would have stood silently and let John shoot him. Now I couldn't bear to look at him, fearing I'd be seeing a side of myself I didn't want to acknowledge.

"Ronon, are we clear?" John called for an update before answering my question.

"Looks like it," Ronon replied. "You should be good to go."

"Send two marines to the medical lab to secure a prisoner," John ordered. He held out a hand to me, waiting until I'd taken it and then drawing me close against his side. I'd been running on adrenalin since John had arrived, something I didn't realise until it abruptly left and exhaustion took it's place. I leant heavily against John, letting him take some of my weight ... not sure I could have walked out of there completely under my own steam.

Teyla had remained a silent observer for those last few minutes with Walker. Once we began moving she hurried forward, grabbing her P90 off the table and moving into position in front of us. Once at the front door John sent Teyla back to Rodney's position – probably a combination of protection in case some of Walker's men had remained undetected and to hurry him along.

I knew it was too good to be true ... the whole way through the house, out the front door, and across the floodlit front yard I'd been expecting something. I'm not sure whether anything _would_ have happened ... whether we could have just walked on by never the wiser. But the faint sound of boots scraping on concrete coupled with the squeak of a metal door drew my eyes towards the shed I'd run to the first night.

"John," I tugged his hand, urging him to stop. Making a play of stumbling dizzily I leaned closer and whispered in John's ear. "There's someone hiding in that shed to your right."

John nodded, keeping his eyes on mine as he considered what to do next. Our behaviour must have created too much suspicion though because before we could decide we were confronted.

"Stop there." _Of course_ – it was the gravelly voice of the infamous Mr Brown.

John turned with me until we were facing the shed. Brown strolled out casually, shotgun held resolutely in front of him.

"Figures you'd hide," I taunted before John could say anything. Drawing on reserves I thought I'd used up I straightened away from John, needing to confront Brown standing firmly on my own two feet. "Not so easy when your victim isn't restrained is it? I'm surprised you're still here ... surely Walker isn't paying you enough to warrant _this_ much loyalty."

"So this is your _boyfriend_?" Brown walked across to us, ignoring everything I said as he look John up and down like he wasn't what Brown had expected. "She threatened me with you, you know," he said to John like they were buddies, his whole demeanour arrogance and overconfidence. "Said you'd do to me tenfold whatever I did to her."

"Interesting," John's tone gave nothing away about what he was feeling. "What did he do to you honey?"

I smirked at the unaccustomed endearment, surprised I could find anything even remotely funny given how much I really hated that guy. In fact I discovered in that moment that I hated him so much I was prepared to be completely up front with John about his list of crimes against me. "Let's see – he drugged me, cut my check and my thigh - twice, let his buddy punch me in the gut, scared the crap out of me, and actively went along with Walker experimenting on me." I paused to let that sink in before adding the last bit. "On the other hand he turned out to be very ordinary with the fighting sticks so I did get to beat the crap out of him. That's probably worth a few points."

John moved faster than I'd ever seen before, ripping the shotgun from Brown's hands before he knew what had happened. "Let's make this fair," he smiled grimly, throwing the shotgun into the bushes.

I moved out of the way as Brown took the opportunity presented to him, swinging at John before he'd fully turned back to face him. John blocked with ease, bringing his knee up into Brown's stomach. Brown fell to his knees gasping in air, but quicker than I would have expected he surged back to his feet and went at John again. This time John grabbed his left hand, twisting the wrist up painfully. I flinched as Brown screamed in pain and rage before John tossed him callously aside again.

The glint of metal shone before I registered Brown had a blade clutched in his right hand.

"_John!_" I called out sharply. "_Knife_."

John ducked Brown's first swipe, reaching behind him for the knife he always carried at the back of his vest. Holding it so that the blade stuck out from his body John circled Brown, looking for an opening. Brown must have had a death wish because he continued to go on the attack – his second attempted knife strike was blocked by John who took the opportunity to slice Brown's thigh before he could get clear. Brown tried again and again, each time being blocked and receiving another cut across the leg for his efforts. Blood from a number of deep cuts was turning his pants a dark red black and he was starting to stagger in an uncoordinated fashion but he still kept going. It defied explanation ... that he'd stay and fight and not give up when I'd been sure he was more the type to deal or run. Did he really dislike me that much?

It was pretty clear to me that John was just playing with Brown, making him _think_ he stood a chance when really he didn't. John proved it when he suddenly grabbed Brown, jerking the other man's arm behind his back and twisting it upwards until Brown dropped his knife. John put his own knife against Brown's cheek, waiting a few moments as his opponent panted harshly, eyes wild in fear.

"Oops," John taunted grimly, deliberately cutting a long line across Brown's face.

Brown yelled in rage, trying to get free but held too tightly to be successful. John abruptly let go of his arm, watching dispassionately as Brown slammed into the dirt at his feet. Brown lurched upright again ... I'd give him points for persistence if nothing else but I really wanted him to just give it up already.

"You should learn when to stay down," John echoed my thoughts, slamming a fist into Browns stomach that sent him straight back to the ground, this time ending the battle. Brown was lying on his back in the dirt, bloodied and bruised while John stood over him having hardly broken a sweat. It _was_ frightening but in a 'God he's impressive and I'm so glad he's mine' kind of way.

John knelt down in the dirt beside Brown, grabbing his head by the hair and pulling up sharply. "This will never be over for you," he said in a low purposeful voice. "I will personally see to it that every cell mate you get for the rest of your painfully short life makes your existence a living hell. You will _never_ know another minute of peace," John promised. "And if you ever come near Sabina again ... I _will_ kill you."

Letting Brown's head drop back to the ground John stood and walked back to me. Grabbing my hand again he urged me over to the helicopter I'd noticed only on the periphery when we'd first exited the house.

"Let's go," he helped me up into the co-pilots seat, taking inordinate care to make sure I was strapped in properly, before getting himself set in the pilots seat.

"John?" The exhaustion was back and I struggled not to let it show, my voice shaking as I tried to get him to look at me.

"Not now okay," John shot me a dark gaze before looking away. Grabbing his radio he called for an update. "Ronon, Teyla – you guys ready to leave?"

"We believe that all of Doctor Walker's men have been accounted for," Teyla reported. "Rodney has completed his work on Walker's computer and we are currently heading back towards the front of the house."

"Is Sabina all right?" Rodney broke in to ask in concern.

"She will be," John promised. "Ronon, leave one team of marines to stand guard over the prisoners - there's another guy in the front yard they'll have to pick up. Have the other team patrol the perimeter. I'll radio for transport and more men to clean up this mess but for now I want to get Sabina out of here asap."

"I'm on my way," Ronon promised.

John put through his requests to the SGC, concentrating solely on what needed to be done to finish it as we waited for the others to get back.

Ronon and Teyla climbed into the helicopter, each acknowledging my presence in the front section before reluctantly taking spots in the back. Rodney wasn't so easily deterred, insistently strapping himself into the front with us despite John's pointed glare.

"Hey Rodney," I greeted him tiredly, surprised at how happy I was to see him. I'd forgotten my voice was so raw and pained until I noticed Rodney wincing as he shot a glance at me before weakly looking away.

"What'd that sick bastard do to you?" Rodney muttered, shooting a worried glance at John.

"I'm okay Rodney," I said firmly.

"We'll let the doctors be the judge of that when we get you to the hospital," John replied.

"_No_!" I swallowed hard at the pain of yelling that. Trying to calm down I tried again. "No hospital."

"_Sabina_," John looked at me sternly. "You need to be checked ... there is no way I can take you anywhere else at this point."

"I'm not going into any hospital John," I promised grimly. "You'll have to knock me out and carry me in."

"Be reasonable," John retorted irritably. "You look like hell which is a step up from how I found you when you were still screaming because of whatever that guy injected you with. We're not going anywhere else until you get medical attention."

"Sheppard," was Rodney actually protesting on my behalf? I looked at him hopefully, my spirits sinking when I saw the resolute look on his face, and the way he kept his eyes from meeting mine. "Look at her – she doesn't look like she can take much more and we all know she's not gonna do this willingly."

John turned a stubborn gaze to me, frowning when he saw the faint tremors I couldn't hide, the tears welling in my eyes. "What do you suggest then Rodney because clearly she _needs_ treatment?!"

"How about we bring the doctors to her?" Rodney offered. "It'll take a bit longer of course but in the end it might be the easier option."

"I _am_ still sitting here you know," I muttered irritably when they continued to exclude me from their conversation.

"Okay," John capitulated. "Find me a suitable landing site not too far from here."

Rodney turned back to his screen. "How about Shiprock? There's a diner we could commandeer."

"Fine," John agreed, getting back on his radio. "Stargate Command this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard requesting a patch through to General Landry, over."

I listened in disbelief as John requested an SGC doctor be included in the backup being sent to Walker's ranch – to be dropped off at Shiprock before they continued on to the ranch. He even asked for someone to contact the diner so they'd be ready to let us in when we got there. He made it sound like I wasn't up to the two hour flight back to the mountain which might not have been that much of an exaggeration.

"Tighten those straps Rodney," John ordered. "Teyla, Ronon, secure yourselves for takeoff."

It was probably really cool going for a midnight flight in that helicopter but I was too exhausted to really enjoy it. I wondered how I'd missed hearing the helicopter approach Walker's ranch but quickly suppressed the thought before it could fully form when I realised that I'd been fully engaged in screaming my head off at the time.

John actually landed right outside what I assumed was the Shiprock diner because it was the only place on the entire main street that had lights on. I'd spaced out for a bit, my gaze fixed out the front window even though I wasn't really taking in what I was seeing.

"Time to get out," John's voice was suddenly at my side. Lifting me carefully into his arms he carried me across to the door Ronon was holding open - no protests from me both because I welcomed not having to get there myself and because being carried like that was strangely comforting and made me feel protected. I didn't get much chance to look around once we were inside, just enough to register the classic 'diner' feel of the place, much like a hundred places I'd stopped at in my travels.

Teyla helped John sit me in the largest booth – he wanted me to lie down but I wasn't ready to let go that much, happy to slouch down resting my head against the back of the chair, leaning my weight against John. It was strange, sitting in that booth with John next to me, Ronon, Rodney and Teyla all sitting opposite. No one said anything but it wasn't awkward. Finally though I felt there was one thing I could say, one thing I _wanted_ to get out.

"Thank you," I looked at each of them in turn, ending with my eyes on John. "I knew you'd find a way ... find _me_ ... and ... just – _thank you_."

"Never in doubt," Rodney tried to be light hearted, an effort I appreciated immensely.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 9_


	14. How long was I asleep?

**Chapter 9: How long was I asleep?**

You don't need to hear the nitty gritty details of what happened next. Suffice to say Dr Lam turned up less than two hours later, took both John and I to task for not going back to the SGC infirmary, and then gave me a very thorough exam, all the while asking detailed questions about what I'd been through.

The rest of team Sheppard cleared the way so that could all happen with relative privacy but John stayed where he was, a constant presence I appreciated, both because him being there calmed my nerves and because Dr Lam's questions ensured there'd be less to tell him once we were done. Rodney had been right too ... doing all the required medical checks in an atmosphere so very different from Walker's hospital feel lab _did_ make it easier.

"Sabina's wounds have been well treated. There's no sign of infection and they should heal with minimal scarring," Dr Lam reported to John. "She's a little dehydrated and exhausted and I'm guessing she hasn't had much nourishment the past two days. Again a couple of days rest and care should alleviate that."

"What about the serum Sabina mentioned?" John asked worriedly.

"That concerns me just a little bit," Dr Lam admitted. "We really should have Sabina back at the SGC so we can conduct some tests but given her current level of emotional distress I'm willing to overlook that as long as she does what's required to recover outside the infirmary. I've taken blood samples – along with what Doctor McKay found on Walker's computer I should have a better idea on whether there are likely to be long term effects from the serum." When John looked disconcerted at the lack of a real diagnosis Doctor Lam put a reassuring hand on his arm. "I don't think we have anything to be worried about Colonel. The fact that Sabina has recovered so quickly from where she was when you found her suggests Walker was telling the truth about neutralising his serum. We just have to confirm that and make sure there weren't any affects he hasn't accounted for."

"Okay, thanks Doc," John stood to the side while Doctor Lam packed up her gear.

"Now remember what I said," Dr Lam looked at John and I sternly when she was ready to leave. "You follow my instructions to the letter .... and no overdoing it. Colonel - I'll expect you to ring in a report daily, at least for the next couple of days. And if there are any new symptoms I expect you back at the SGC infirmary immediately, no arguments."

"Of course," John agreed for the both of us without protest, thanking her again before escorting her back outside.

I slouched back in my seat, mind strangely blank now that all the official business had been completed. The entire ordeal with Walker hadn't been that long ... less than two days during which I'd slept _and_ eaten, although Dr Lam had been right in assuming not as much as normal. Even the after effects of knife wounds and stick fighting were familiar to me, these ones not that much worse than I'd suffered in the past. So the overwhelming exhaustion I was feeling mystified me ... the only thing I could surmise was that the serum had been the kicker - the one thing that had pushed my endurance past it's limits. I knew there were still difficult conversations ahead for John and I and I wanted to get them over with but the tiredness was pressing down on me and I found myself leaning my head back and drifting instead.

oOo

"Sabina?" my head snapped forward and I frowned at John squatting down in front of me. "Time to get you to bed."

"Where are the others?" I asked, again submitting without protest when John lifted me into his arms and carried me out of the diner.

"They've found us a place to stay - the local Holiday Inn equivalent," John replied. "That's where we're going."

Being carried like that was beyond comforting – I felt surrounded by John's warmth, his strength ... I could hear his heart beating steadily, the sound lulling me into full on drifting.

"I'm just gonna ...," I mumbled, pressing my head up under his chin. And then I finally let myself go, dropping into sleep between one breath and the next.

oOo

I knew it was a long time before I woke up again because, as consciousness slowly returned, it _felt_ like it – both timewise and because the way the room was lit made it clear the sun was again low in the sky. Hoping I'd just lost the better part of one day instead of more I raised myself up and looked around.

"Hi?" my voice came out more uncertain than I would have liked as I realised John was sitting in a chair by the window.

"Sabina," John got up and came to me, sitting on the bed and putting a hand to my forehead.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked, frowning when I realised my voice was still huskier than usual. I tried a quick swallow, happy to discover it didn't hurt anymore.

"14 hours," John replied, looking at me intently. "I woke you a couple of times but you just mumbled you were okay and went back to sleep." Seemingly happy with whatever he'd decided the state of my forehead was gonna tell him, John sat back and watched me, waiting for something.

"Is it just us?" I pulled myself fully into a sitting position, not looking at him but trying not to make it obvious that I was deliberately _not_ looking at him. Glancing around the room provided about three seconds of distraction ... it was a standard motel room with nothing to distinguish it from any other I'd ever stayed in.

"Rodney took Teyla and Ronon out to sightsee," John explained. "They should be back for dinner in an hour or so."

"I didn't think there'd be anything to see out here," I joked, making my hands busy with smoothing the sheets over my legs and tucking them in on each side.

"They wanted to give us a chance to talk uninterrupted," John brought everything out into the open with that one statement. Moving across to the bed John stretched out to sit beside me, putting an arm around me and drawing me into him. "I need you to tell me everything that wasn't in your medical report ... _anything_ that's got you worried because of what happened."

In the past I would have prevaricated, tried to get him believing the whole thing had just slid off me like water off a ducks back. Since Asuras and what happened to Elizabeth, everything we'd been through and where we'd taken our relationship, I couldn't do that anymore. Truth was, I didn't _want_ to do that this time – I wanted to tell John everything, unload it all on him so we could work out how to fix it together.

"Walker and Brown are both in custody?" I checked before beginning.

"I can't go back and beat the crap out of them again, if that's what you're asking," John retorted.

"Good," I reached for John's hand, holding it tight as I took him through all the things that had happened since we'd been separated at the airport. I didn't leave anything out – not the threats they'd made against John so I'd go without a struggle or the specific details of Brown's treatment, nor the sickening kiss and grope from Smith or the way Walker had treated me like a curious medical specimen instead of a person.

When it was done John gave me all the missing scenes from his side – how an overheard conversation had been the difference between rescue and continuing captivity. He didn't leave anything out either, including the angry threats that wouldn't be making it into anyone's reports.

"You did good," I said softly after we'd sat in silence for a few moments, not sure what else I _could_ say because he knew I'd been on the other side more times than either of us wanted to think about.

"Not really," John admitted, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. "Didn't take long for me to get beyond frustrated. I had this ... _energy_ ... but nowhere to direct it ... if we hadn't found that lead when we did I would have put my fist through something because I was that close to loosing it. And that wasn't even the worst part ... no, that was not knowing what they might be doing to you ... and filling in the blanks from my own imagination so you know how that went."

"I'm sorry," I swallowed hard, struggling with my own emotions again in the face of his.

"No," John said sternly. "It's _not_ your fault ... none of this was your fault. If you could promise that you'll never put me through something like that again I'd take it but we both know neither of us can make promises like that." John's chest rose sharply as he took in a deep calming breath - glancing up at him quickly my eyes were captured by the depth of emotion in his.

"John?" I asked worriedly.

"It's okay," John said quickly, hugging me tight as he buried his face into my hair. "Just let me hold on to you for a while."

"Okay," I whispered, leaning my head against his and closing my eyes with a sigh.

oOo

"How do you feel now?" John asked after we'd comforted each other for a while.

"Better ... detached ... a bit silly for refusing to go to the infirmary," I admitted.

"It's not surprising you wouldn't want to be in a medical environment after what Walker did to you," John excused. "It would have been easier to just override your fear but in the end I couldn't do that to you."

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I _do_ feel better now but last night? I was a lot closer to the breakdown edge than I would have admitted at the time."

"I should have stayed with you," John said abruptly.

"What, at the airport?" I asked in confusion.

"They got to you because I let down my guard," John insisted.

"They got to me because someone sold us out," I denied. "If it hadn't been then it would have been some other time. There would have been opportunity – unless you're suggesting you should have gone everywhere with me, including the ladies room."

"Rodney said the same thing," John admitted with a weak smile.

"That's because Rodney probably _is_ smarter than you," I teased.

"So _can_ we just put this behind us now?" John asked hesitantly, getting us back on topic.

I agreed with the worry behind that – _could_ we just move on from there without the need to delve into anything more than we already had? Strangely for the first time I understood why the psyche people kept harping on about talking things through. Talking to John, telling him everything left me feeling like we'd already made significant progress towards fixing it – for me anyway.

"I'm intending to do just that," I confirmed confidently.

"You know Dr Lam is gonna suggest you 'talk to someone' about this, right?" John pointed out.

"Yeah, but she can't make me do that," I replied. "If I really need to I'll talk to Kate when we're back home but right now I'd rather just keep it between the two of us. Is that okay?"

"As long as you tell me if you're struggling," John agreed after looking at me closely for a few moments. "I can't let you bury this one Sabina."

"I _won't_ but truthfully I really do feel a lot better already," I countered firmly. "I'm not promising I won't have the odd nightmare but the fact that you extracted some payback from both Walker _and_ Brown goes a long way for helping me deal with it. And I _know_ that sounds bad. The truth is, right there and then, in the heat of the moment? I wouldn't have stopped you if you could have shot Walker without it coming back to bite you. I don't really know how to feel about that."

"I don't know if I was really gonna pull that trigger," John admitted. "Maybe ... I don't know if I'm even glad you stopped me."

"You won't kill for me," I said starkly. "Especially not like that. Besides, it would have taken a mountain of paperwork to explain away."

"Do you care that it wasn't you personally who did the beating?" John asked, looking at me carefully.

"You know, I probably _should_ but strangely no, I don't care," I admitted honestly. "That goes against my whole tough girl persona but it's not like I didn't help you bring Walker down – I totally fooled him when you were sneaking up on us. I'd rather win by being smart ... especially since I wasn't really up for anything else."

"What about the other guy, Brown?" John persisted.

"He bothered me more in some respects," I admitted. "Walker was a little psycho I think but Brown was just doing it as the hired help. But seeing you beat Brown like that? It's blood thirsty again I know but that really _was_ much better than beating him myself ... you were scarily impressive by the way." Before John could comment on that I quickly changed the subject. "I'm glad we don't have anything like that to have to explain away ... and speaking of explanations, you still owe me a couple."

"Ah – okay?" John looked uncomfortable, like he already knew what I was going to say. Sitting back from him so I could see his reaction I continued.

"Before I knew what Walker had taken me for I thought it was a ransom thing," I noticed John raise an eyebrow – clearly that wasn't the beginning he'd been expecting. "When I pointed out you were career military and wouldn't even be able to cover what he'd spent on getting me Walker said I obviously didn't know you as well as I thought I did."

"That bastard really did dig deep," John responded irritably. "Don't worry – I can see why he said that but he was way off base. You already know I'm not close to my Dad or my brother ... part of that had to do with the disapproval I got over wanting to fly instead of joining the family business."

"Which is?" I asked curiously.

"They've got their fingers in lots of different pies," John admitted.

"So you were well off growing up?" I wasn't sure how I felt learning that. John was still John so I guess in the end it really didn't matter.

"Some people would think so," John agreed. "Depends on what criteria you use. Personally I couldn't wait to get out of there ... everything they have, the business and all the money? None of it has anything to do with me. I don't want any of that now any more than I did twenty years ago."

"Fair enough," I let that one go with relief. "The other thing wasn't so much what was said as how he referred to you. He called you my soon to be fiancé – said you'd spoken to the IOA about us."

"So much for _that_ secret," John muttered angrily, getting up and pacing around the bed in agitation before stopping at the window.

"John?" I looked at him worriedly.

"Sorry," John put a hand to the back of his neck, glancing at me before looking away again. "I'm not sure I can retrieve this without screwing it up even more."

"Retrieve what?" I asked in confusion.

John looked at me for a few moments – I could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. The suddenness of his next movement had me blinking in surprise. One second he was standing by the window, the next he was kneeling on the floor beside me clutching my hands in his.

"Sabina, you really have to marry me because the last three days have just confirmed what I've always known - there's no way I'll ever be happy without you." John delivered the words without rushing, his expression determined and his eyes dark with feeling.

"You're _proposing_?" I'd known he would eventually – hell I'd practically ordered him to when I told him I wanted the whole box and dice. I just never thought about how I'd _feel_ when he did. My insides had clenched – a large part of that was nerves but the rest was embarrassingly ... _intimate_. Who knew it'd be a turn on to have John kneeling on the floor declaring himself to me like that (that was definitely one aspect that _wouldn't_ be making it into future retellings!)?

It was more than that though ... it was a huge rush of love and pride ... and _fear_ because to me John was every compliment I could think of to bestow and he wanted _me. _I was so not gonna screw it up.

"I guess so," John looked a little bit lost for a moment before he regrouped. "Not how I'd planned but ... are you gonna say something?"

"I can't really think of a worthy response, apart from hell yes!" I admitted, smiling madly.

"That'll do," John sprang up from the floor, pulling me into his arms and kissing me senseless.

**Author's Note:**

Just in case you noticed I deliberately changed the rating on this back to T ... and for purely self centred reasons. I didn't realise before that the story won't appear in the general SGA fan fic list with an M rating until I couldn't find it myself. Since most of it _isn't_ M rated and I don't have many people 'alerting' it I've gone back to the T rating with chapter warnings if needed. There are too many hours in this for me not to want to present it to the widest audience possible and the previous three stories were all T rated so I'd hate for someone to miss FJS4 because they didn't know it was there.

I was a bit nervous about this chapter so I hope it came across okay :D

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 10_


	15. A Johnny Cash Ring of Fire wedding

**Authors Note:**

WARNING: This chapter contains some sexual references ... and fluff ...

**Chapter 10: A Johnny Cash Ring of Fire wedding.**

I was all for consummating our newly engaged relationship right there and then but John vetoed that, insisting it was too soon and that I needed more time to recover physically. I let it go only because I _was_ still tired and I wanted to know more about what he _had_ planned.

"I'm surprised you did this so soon," I admitted. "We really only talked about it a few weeks ago."

"We've spent enough time building up to this," John said insistently. "Besides, it's not like we can just come back to Earth any time we like and the opportunity was there right now."

"So how were you going to do the big proposal?" I asked with a cheeky grin.

"We were gonna be in Vegas instead of here," John waited for me to make the obvious conclusion in my head before laughingly continuing. "And no, not because I was planning an Elvis Chapel of Love quickie wedding!"

"I wasn't thinking that!" I denied insistently.

"You so were," John retorted. "I'm kind of insulted that no one thinks I've got more class than that."

"I _wasn't_," I insisted. "I was thinking more a Johnny Cash Ring of Fire wedding actually!"

"Funny," John smiled, amused at my quick come back.

"So what were you planning then, Mr Class?" I raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Did you know that the reason you can do a shotgun wedding in Vegas is because they can approve a marriage license in less than fifteen minutes?" John asked.

"Ah, no," I admitted. "Checking out marriage laws hasn't exactly been on my list of things to do."

"Well you can," John continued. "I was going to take you there, present you with the paperwork and ask if you would sign up for a life with me ... of course there would have been the romantic dinner and all of that as well," John shrugged as he glossed over the planning he'd done for this. "Once we have the legal stuff done we get a year to make if official – although I sincerely hope you won't want to wait that long."

"Wow," I hoped my expression looked as impressed as I was feeling. "That's pretty good."

"It would have been," John muttered, "if the IOA hadn't gotten in the way."

"Remind me again why you had to even speak to them," I demanded.

"Because Atlantis is classed as foreign soil," John explained. "We might both be US citizens but the air force may still expect a pretty hefty load of paperwork before they can approve us getting married there. General Landry made it quite clear we couldn't do anything official like that without the IOA approving it too."

"Did you have to do all this the last time you got married?" I asked curiously.

"No – don't need to if you're on US soil," John frowned before looking at me worriedly. "Does that bother you?" John had never really talked about that aspect of his past before so I could see where that question was coming from.

"That you were married before?" I asked, waiting until John nodded. "Nope," I replied earnestly. "I'm not sorry it didn't last and that you had to go though that either – selfish as that sounds. This _will_ last."

"Fair enough," John didn't take offense I'd basically said I was glad he'd had such a tough time because it meant he was free to marry me. "I think I should tell you that Rodney, Ronon and Teyla all know I was going to ask you too."

"So I really _was_ the last to know?" I shook my head at just how screwed up things had gotten.

"Pretty much," John agreed glumly. "Sorry."

"We got there in the end and that's all that matters," I excused.

oOo

"You ready to catch up with the others," John asked me once I'd showered and gotten myself looking somewhat back to normal. The Air force was ever efficient ... John and I had our luggage and instead of the helicopter we had a four wheel drive waiting for us when we were ready to leave.

"I guess," I said reluctantly. "I don't suppose you could tell them not to ask me questions about what happened?"

"They won't do that," John promised.

"Can we not tell them about the engagement either?" I asked. "I'd like to enjoy the secret for just a little while."

"I don't have a problem with that," John agreed with a grin. He was such a child sometimes – looking forward to hoarding a secret because he knew it would drive Rodney – "Mr I have to know everything!" – mad when he found out we'd kept it to ourselves.

"Let's go then," I said resolutely, moving to walk beside him. Halfway across the parking lot I stopped suddenly, pulling John to a stop beside me.

"What?" he looked at me worriedly.

"I forgot something," I said, frowning in disbelief at my omission. "At the end, when I was out of it and Walker was tormenting me verbally, he mentioned the IOA. John - he said he _owned _one of the committee members ... that I was deliberately targetted because someone on the IOA has a personal grudge against me."

John put an arm around me, rubbing his hand over my back as he pulled out his cell phone. I listened, feeling something clenched relax inside as he spoke with General Landry personally, reporting what I'd revealed and getting confirmation that the SGC would investigate immediately."

"Was there anything else?" John asked once he'd finished his call.

"Not that I can recall," I replied. "They'll find who did this?"

"Don't worry," John reassured me. "I have a feeling IOA membership is about to get shuffled."

"Thank you," I smiled gratefully, falling back into step with John as he got us heading towards dinner with his team.

oOo

"You are looking well Sabina," Teyla greeted me first when we arrived at their table in the motel restaurant. John and I sat down together, everything looking just like a dinner back on Atlantis ... apart from the unfamiliar surrounds.

"Thanks Teyla," I said, smiling as I added "it's amazing what fourteen hours of sleep will do for you. How was your day? I hope it hasn't been too boring for you."

"Not at all," Teyla reassured me. "There are many interesting aspects of this region. Isn't that right Rodney?"

"Oh ... sure, sure," Rodney smiled unconvincingly. "It's been none stop entertainment the entire day."

"You never could lie very well Rodney," I pointed out in amusement, "but I appreciate the effort none the less."

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Ronon's expression was stern ... of the three of them he was the only one not glossing over prior events.

"I'm sure," I said softly, putting a hand over where his rested on the table.

"Because I can always go back and punish those guys some more," Ronon offered, looking at me almost hopefully.

"And that would be to make _me_ feel better, right?" I asked, genuinely touched at his obvious show of concern.

"Wouldn't hurt me either," Ronon admitted, finally showing a hint of relaxed amusement.

"Well I'm good for now," I promised. "If that changes you'll be the first ... no wait, the _third_ person I call in, okay?"

John had remained silent, letting his team greet me in their own way. At that comment he actually laughed. "Yeah buddy, get in line ... if anyone gets to beat on Walker's men some more it'll be me - you had more than your fair share as I recall."

Nodding his agreement of John's 'head count', Ronon settled back in his seat ... he seemed more relaxed but I knew he'd be keeping a closer eye on me for a while - they _all_ would. Strangely I didn't mind, the thought comforting me instead of making me feel they didn't trust me to take care of myself anymore.

The ice broken with those opening remarks, dinner turned out to be more relaxing than I could have hoped for as team Sheppard settled into that routine of easy banter they'd perfected years ago. I laughed as Rodney regaled us all with the story of their sightseeing trip, replete with sarcastic remarks about the lack of anything resembling progress and his complete abhorrence for livestock of any description. It felt like any other dinner ... I felt like myself for the first time in days.

oOo

After an afternoon of difficult conversations, not to mention the excitement of getting engaged (the very thought of which still sent my heart racing) I was actually glad when it was time for bed. The night before I'd literally shut down ... so exhausted, if I dreamt I wasn't aware of it. So it really shouldn't have surprised me when I dropped into nightmare territory so quickly after John switched off the lights.

I'm not sure I even really understood what I was dreaming although the images were clear enough.

In the first Walker was standing over me laughing sadistically with dripping syringe held aloft. "This serum will guarantee your eventual death," he promised gleefully.

The scene shifted sharply.

"And now you die," John's face was a mask of grim certainty as he held the gun to Walker's temple, eager to pull the trigger. "No John ... don't do it," I cried.

And then it was me holding the gun, only this time no one stopped me and I pulled the trigger, feeling the pleasure in taking Walker's life. Blood sprayed, colouring the whole world red.

And then I was back to the injection again - I felt the pain as the serum coursed through me, searing a path of destruction over my body. I screamed in agony, fighting to get away from the fire that burned me from the inside out.

I woke up screaming and crying. John was already awake and turning on the light to help me. Bolting up from the bed I sprinted to the bathroom and vomited until the dry heaves had my stomach muscles clenched and aching. I wasn't even aware of John kneeling behind me, holding my hair back and rubbing circles on my back, until I was done. Wordlessly John helped me to the sink, watching me wash out my mouth and scrub at my face. All the time I carefully avoided my own eyes, not wanting to see the weakness and torment reflected there. I was still twitching and shivering, just like I had coming down from that drug. In the end John picked me up and carried me back to bed, tucking us both back in and pulling me up tightly against him. He'd spooned us, his front to my back, an arrangement too familiar from all the other times I'd needed his comfort in the dark.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"What if there was something in that serum?" I asked hoarsely. "Something that's killing me only we just don't know it yet?"

"You spoke to Dr Lam tonight yourself," John reminded me simply. "She seemed pretty convinced your blood work was back to normal."

"_I know_," I said harshly. Taking a moment to calm down I began again. "I know ... but Walker was so smug, so _knowing_ when he said you weren't in time to save me."

"The guy was just pulling my chain," John discounted my worries. "He wanted me to react without thinking, to make a mistake so he could save himself."

"Are you sure?" I asked worriedly. "Are you really, _really_ sure?"

"I'm sure," John promised. "But if you want to talk to Dr Lam again tomorrow, if you want to go back to the SGC for more tests, I'd be right behind you."

"No!" I clutched at the arm John had wrapped around my waist. "I don't ... I'm not ready to go back there just yet. Even just being with Ronon, Rodney and Teyla today was ... difficult to handle."

"They care about you," John offered. "They want to help."

"I care about them too," I sniffed as tears started bubbling to the surface again. It made no sense. The worst of the nightmare was over, I'd calmed down - what the hell was I crying over?

"Hey," John turned me around so he could look at me. "I _promise_ you that everything is all right. We'll get past this ... you just need some time."

"I _am_ all right," I buried my head in John's chest, muffling those words against his shirt. Snapping my head back up I shot a determined glance straight into his eyes. "You know what I need?"

"What?" John looked just a bit suspicious at my abrupt change of mood.

"Sex," I said abruptly. "Really intense and hopefully mindless sex. You know the kind I'm talking about."

"Sabina," John frowned at my demanding request, obviously still worried I wasn't physically up to it.

"That's always what they do in the movies when something traumatic happens and right about now I'm thinking I understand why," I said lightly. "I won't break."

"It's not just your physical injuries and you know it," John countered. "We can't make light of the mental impact of what you've been through!"

"Please," I kept my eyes on his, watching the thoughts whizzing through his head. I smiled when I realised he'd decided what the hell – he might as well go along with me.

"Fine," John agreed abruptly, rolling us over so he was stretched out on top of me. He carefully avoided my injured leg but otherwise treated me no differently than usual. "I'll give you some intense ...," he leant down, skipping all the usual gentle beginning kisses and moving straight into a heated devouring kiss that went on for several moments until he broke away, each of us panting harshly.

"... mindless," John trapped my eyes with his as he used his hands and his body to imprint himself upon me ... my pulse was racing out of control as I felt each touch magnified by our ATA connection, our emotional connection, and the single minded purpose he was devoting entirely to me.

"... love." I smiled at him replacing my word for his own, all the while gasping as he kissed a heated trail down my neck and onwards, wrecking havoc on my system as he aroused me despite the barrier of clothing between us

"You are such a romantic," I teased, running my hands through his hair and pulling his lips back to mine. "I love that I know that about you," I pressed up, trying to get another kiss as he held himself back just enough to get me really hot for more. "_John_ ..." I demanded, delighting in the game, enjoying the frustration of not being the one in control.

"Do you want more?" John shifted away suddenly, throwing his shirt and boxers off before moving to take care of my clothes. Then he was back, stretched out on top of me, making my awareness fuzzy around the edges because all I could focus on was him and how he was making me feel.

"Yes," I breathed out, shifting impatiently, wanting him to complete me.

"Then say it," John rocked himself against that part of me that really wanted him even closer. I knew immediately what he was asking for and it had my mind abruptly back into focus, but not in a bad way. He wanted that declaration of love, the one I so seldom gifted him with. I was the classic "me too" person, rarely taking the initiative, preferring to ride on the coat tails of his own declarations. Everything froze between us as he waited for me to speak. Raising both hands I enclosed his face, bringing his eyes to mine.

"I love you John Sheppard," I intoned feelingly. "I love your hair, your eyes, your mind, your heart. I love everything about you."

"And you say you're no good at this kind of thing," John raised an eyebrow in surprise, face flushed beyond the physical exertion. I smiled that I'd gotten to him ... I didn't need him to declare anything in return. I wanted _my_ words to be the only ones occupying his mind.

"You inspire me," I pulled his lips down to mine, getting that heated kiss I'd wanted moments before. "Now inspire me some more," I ordered, shifting my hands from his face so that I could use them to pull his lower half closer, making what I wanted next perfectly clear.

"Yes ma'am," John, ever careful of my injuries, still made it as rough and fast and heated as I needed. Again that pause once we were joined ... John leaned down, planting those gentle kisses over my face we'd skipped at the start. "I love you too Sabina Scott," he grinned teasingly before adding "going to be Sheppard."

"We haven't even talked about that part yet," I reminded him breathlessly, somewhat distracted with ... physical concerns.

"I'm sure I can convince you," John shifted back and surged forward just the once ... pausing again he smiled smugly at the glazed expression on my face. "With the right incentive."

"_John_," I seemed to have lost the power of speech at that point ... just as well because I didn't have any words beyond the feelings that were all screaming Now!

And then the teasing was over ... John led the dance and I reciprocated, neither of us holding anything back until finally John succeeded in short circuiting my mind as I'd asked.

"Thank you," I got out as soon as I'd returned to myself enough to compose a coherent thought. I wasn't in the habit of thanking him for sex but in the circumstances it seemed appropriate.

"Glad to be of service," John arranged us back into the spooned position that was so comforting to me. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

"I'm already half way there," I admitted, yawning tiredly.

"Good," John hugged me close, pressed a kiss into my hair and then fell silent. A moment later we were both asleep.

**Author's Note:**

Excuse me while I indulge my fluff loving self *grins*.

Also apologies there wasn't a chapter posted yesterday ... my babies started school today and I had lots to do to prepare for that. It was highly emotional seeing them looking so grown up and yet at the same time so small in their school uniforms ... but I got through it and I didn't even cry ... well not until I got back to the car anyway LOL. I should be able to get back to the mostly one chapter a day posting now.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 11_


	16. We’re going to Vegas

**Chapter 11: We're going to Vegas**

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked at breakfast the next morning. The diner wasn't that busy, the early morning patrons already done and out to work. Rodney, Ronon and Teyla had stuck around and I felt bad for a moment that they were in a holding pattern, and probably bored beyond description. I'd tried to get them to go back to the SGC after dinner the previous night but they were less than cooperative.

"Please no more sightseeing," Rodney begged. "I don't think I can take another day of cattle watching while trying to explain the colloquial use of language to these two without giving anything away."

"The livestock methods used here are very interesting," Teyla commented, ever the leader of her people even when a galaxy away.

"I'm guessing _you_ were wondering how many stun blasts it would take to fell a cow," I looked at Ronon teasingly.

"Something like that," Ronon agreed.

"Well if no one has anything specific planned I've got an idea," I proposed casually, looking more at John than the others.

"Let's hear it then," John frowned slightly, probably wondering whether he'd be able to go along with whatever I was going to suggest.

"We were going to Vegas right?" I waited until John nodded wordlessly before continuing. "Okay then why don't we just continue with that plan? We're only a day away by road which isn't that far. Ronon and Teyla have never been anywhere like it and I'm sure even Rodney can find something interesting to do there. You and I can do that thing we talked about - it'll be like a team vacation for all of you, with me there too."

"What thing?" Rodney as usual showed no respect for the fact that people might not always want him to know everything!

"It's personal," I said dismissively, still hoping to enjoy the secret just a bit longer. Of course that was an empty hope ... it _was_ Rodney after all.

"Did you ...?" Rodney raised an eyebrow at John expectantly. Rather than answer, John glanced at me, silently asking me how I wanted to respond.

"Did John ask me to marry him?" I asked blandly, noting how even Ronon looked suddenly more interested in the conversation. "No he didn't."

"Oh," Rodney frowned in confusion over that. John looked at me with a puzzled expression too ... I let them both stew for a few seconds before I continued.

"Did he tell me I _had_ to marry him?" I smiled when all of John's teammates looked at me expectantly, waiting for the answer. "_Absolutely_."

"You _told_ her she had to marry you?" Rodney asked John incredulously. "How do you get away with that?"

"Talent and class Rodney," John said with a superior tone, taking delight that Rodney seemed almost insulted on my behalf.

"I'm assuming you agreed?" Rodney shook his head when I nodded gleefully.

"Congratulations," Teyla said graciously, ignoring John and Rodney's banter with practiced ease.

Ronon rose and pulled John up into one of those big bear hugs he seemed so fond of. John groaned at the overly enthusiastic show of support, rubbing at his ribs when Ronon dropped him back down again. Then it was my turn – I got the equivalent toned down because Ronon would have been worried that I was still injured.

"You're good together," Ronon's voice rumbled low in my ear just before he let me go.

"We are," I agreed enthusiastically. Ronon's eyes twinkled with amusement over my giddiness as he stepped back to let Rodney say his piece.

"You should have made him work harder," Rodney gave me an awkward hug of his own, patting my back before stepping away.

"Don't worry Rodney," I smiled fondly, leaning in closer so John couldn't hear my murmur. "John was on bended knee so it's still a tale worthy of telling the grandchildren."

"Oh ... well good," Rodney nodded firmly. "So we're going to Vegas?"

"We're going to Vegas," John agreed, giving me his first truly relaxed smile since they'd rescued me.

oOo

"Is she really up to this?" Rodney tried to keep his voice down but I still overheard his whispered question to John. He and Rodney were packing things into the back of the four wheel drive and didn't notice me approaching. Of course I paused ... because I really needed to know just how worried John was about me.

"We won't get there until at least this time tomorrow," John pointed out. "That's hours of forced rest in the car - probably more than I could get Sabina to have if we weren't going. Besides Doctor Lam assured me physically she's fine. They've found nothing to be concerned about in any of Sabina's test results ... Doctor Lam didn't even see the need to keep tabs on Sabina - apart from a daily phone call she seemed fine with not seeing Sabina again personally until we get back to the SGC."

"Okay, but what about the rest ... the not physical stuff?" Rodney asked in concern.

"Sabina just needs time," John said quietly. "You've been there - you know what it's like."

"I _never_ had a crazy doctor perform his sick medical experiments on me so no I _haven't_ been there," Rodney countered. "And please don't tell me you have!"

"Look - I don't know what to tell you," John said irritably. "Clearly we all need time to recover - a trip to Vegas sounds perfect to me."

"I guess," Rodney agreed uncertainly.

"I'm not gonna go mental on you Rodney," I said, walking up behind them and making Rodney jump. "At least I don't _think_ so ... but if I do it'll be more because I'm stuck in a car with you for eight hours than anything Walker did to me."

"Be nice," John murmured in an undertone, lips twitching as he tried not to smile when Rodney humfed at the insult.

"You're right," I relented, putting a hand on Rodney's shoulder to get him looking at me. "It's kinda nice you're so concerned about my wellbeing but you don't have to be. John's right - this trip is exactly what I need to distract me until I've had the time to put it all into perspective. Okay?"

"I wasn't concerned," Rodney tried to back pedal on the damage to his 'I have no regard for anyone' image.

"Yes you were," I retorted. "It's okay - you can admit that you love me - it won't hurt you."

"Ah - _he_ might," Rodney glanced at John worriedly - John deliberately gave him a stern threatening look in return. "And I _don't_ love you ... unless you can love an annoying itch you can't scratch!"

"Nice," I laughed, deciding to let him off the hook for now. "I don't know what it is with you guys - I mean, you love your sister right? I don't see why you can't feel that way about someone you're _not_ related to. You're like the big brother I never had - annoying, superior, condescending ... but useful when required."

"So you love me too," Rodney pointed out triumphantly, glossing over all the insults I'd just included in that statement.

"I never said that," I protested. I would have said more but John finally got tired of witnessing Rodney and I snarking at each other and called a halt to it.

"You're geek brother and sister - we get it," he drawled. "Now can we get this show on the road? I'd like to get at least half way to Vegas before we have to stop for the night!"

"Fine," Rodney muttered, "but she started it!"

"Did not," I said under my breath.

"And you say _I'm_ a big kid," John threw over his shoulder as he quickly walked out of hearing range. It _was_ childish, but being that petty with Rodney did clear the atmosphere of the concern and tension he'd had been holding around me. If I'd had to put up with that for our entire road trip Rodney's concerns about me having a mental breakdown might not have been that far off mark.

oOo

I could bore you with the details of our almost nine hours on the road, broken in the middle with the time we spent sleeping in a motel over night ... but I won't. Needless to say Rodney found something to complain about at regular intervals, Ronon said little except for when he couldn't resist taunting Rodney about said complaints, and Teyla acted as the peacemaker when things started to get out of hand. I sat in the front, curled up against the window, alternating naps with listening to my iPod to drown out the sounds of the backseat conversation. John focussed ... grimly ... on driving, eyeing my IPod as if he'd like nothing better than to shut out the noice like I was.

oOo

And then we finally arrived in Vegas. When we took the highway exit and turned off into Las Vegas Boulevard I perked up, looking out the window in interest. I'd never been there before and although it was the middle of the day the place still made an impact.

"I didn't even think to ask where we were staying," I turned to John apologetically. "Did you have any trouble with that?"

"We already had a reservation," John reminded me. "They were pretty understanding on the delay, and happy to fit the others in."

"Good," I smiled excitedly. "So where _are_ we staying?"

"Here," John pulled into a wide circular driveway.

"The Stratosphere?" I laughed. "You picked this just because of the name didn't you?"

"It's a long way from the main Casino strip but since we aren't here to gamble that seemed a positive," John didn't confirm or deny his reasons. "Plus the Clerk's Office is only five minutes away."

"I like it," I agreed, already unclipping my seatbelt before John had stopped the car. "This is all right with you guys right?" I turned to look back at the others.

"I am very interested in seeing more," Teyla replied graciously. Ronon didn't say anything - I hoped that was because he didn't have anything to say rather than because he was worried about being somewhere so unfamiliar without his usual weapons.

"Maybe Rodney could show you the Casino once we're checked in," I looked at Rodney hopefully, "explain some of the games, why people come here, that kind of thing."

"There's actually a mathematical basis for all of this," Rodney was already off and running, motioning impatiently for Teyla and Ronon to follow him out of the car.

Turning back to John I added "And maybe we could go do the license thing today - if there's still time?"

"There'll be time," John promised. "Stay there," he added when I made to get out of the car. I smiled when he jumped out and strode around to my side.

"I _can_ get out of the car by myself you know," I smiled, taking the hand he offered me and letting him take some of my weight as I stepped down.

"You might be feeling better," John countered, "but you've still got two leg wounds, not to mention I don't know how many stitches. There's no reason to push things ... we're on vacation remember!"

John led the way inside the hotel and across to reception. Everything ran like clockwork and before I knew it I was throwing myself onto the large bed in our very impressive room.

"This is fantastic," I announced, jumping up quickly and walking over to the window. "How high are we anyway?"

"The towers about 1200 feet," John replied, coming over to join me. "We're pretty close to the top so I don't know - maybe a thousand feet?"

"You certainly know how to impress a girl," I turned and wrapped my arms around his middle. Tilting back to look up at him I smiled in apology. "I'm sorry you didn't get to do everything the way you wanted."

"Not your fault," John leaned down to kiss me, a light hearted intention that quickly got out of control.

When the knock sounded at the door John groaned before reluctantly removing his hands from the very exciting places he'd had them. Leaning his forehead against mine he sighed. "Rodney?"

"Rodney," I pressed another quick kiss on him before breaking away to answer the door.

"Sorry - did I interrupt something?" Rodney stood awkwardly in the hallway.

"Yes Rodney you did," I said, knowing full well what he'd assume.

"Oh - ah, I just wanted to let you know I'm taking Teyla and Ronon down to the Casino," Rodney explained quickly. "I've got my mobile ... you've got the number right? So you can call me you know ... if you need us for anything. I'll just be going now so you can get back to ... whatever it was you were doing." Waving a hand vaguely in the air he turned and walked quickly down the hall.

"Thanks Rodney," I called after him, closing the door with a laugh. "I think I actually embarrassed him."

"Not difficult," John looked at me hopefully. "I remember where we were up to if you want to come back over here."

"Sorry," I replied, giving him a hopeful look of my own. "There could be a line up at the Clerk's Office and I really want to do this today. You _did_ pack the documents we need didn't you?"

"_Yes_," John gave in without arguing - I know he was puzzled at my hurrying but I couldn't explain it to him. It wasn't that I expected something else to happen to stop us but at the same time I wanted to lock it in ... just in case!

"Then grab them and let's go," I was practically bouncing with impatience by the time we were finally on our way. "Let's walk," I proposed, grabbing John's hand and dragging him across the foyer and outside.

John smiled as I looked intently at everything along the way. "What are you doing?" he finally asked.

"Memorising everything," I replied promptly. "You know - for when our kids ask about this kind of stuff. I don't want to ever have to answer with 'I don't remember'."

John stopped suddenly, using the hand he was holding to pull me around and into him. He kissed me right there on the street as people drove by, walked by and just generally created the backdrop of detail neither of us noticed.

"What was that for?" I asked weakly when he broke away and got us walking again.

"I love you," John said simply.

"Yes but that was true five minutes ago," I frowned before my face cleared. "You _like_ it when I talk about our kids don't you?!"

"Maybe," John put an arm around my shoulder, urging me to keep moving.

oOo

And then it was done ... ridiculously quickly in the end. We sat through a short wait, filled in forms, paid over our fifty bucks, and walked away with an official looking document that said we could legally get married any time within the next year. And I couldn't have been happier.

**Author's Note:**

Thank you to Google Maps once again ... I used them extensively to get to know Vegas as much as you can when you're living half a world away and only have CSI to go on. The hotel and relative locations for the things I mentioned are all as accurate as Google Maps can make them ... I even studied pictures of everything, including the hotel itself (wouldn't mind staying there myself LOL). So, apologises if something isn't accurate but I did my best.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 12_


	17. Maybe I’m reading this wrong

**Chapter 12: Maybe I'm reading this wrong but I think we have a problem.**

"You guys are engaged right?" Rodney asked. We'd met back with the rest of Team Sheppard for dinner in the hotel restaurant appropriately named Top of the World - that aptly described both our location _and_ my mood.

"Yeah," John looked at Rodney clearly wondering why Rodney was questioning something he already knew - something he usually got very impatient about with his own staff.

"Then where's her ring?" Rodney looked at John and I expectantly.

"It is customary among my people to exchange betrothal gifts," Teyla offered.

"Sateda too," Ronon agreed. "Didn't have to be a ring though."

"Does anyone else think this is incredibly bizarre?" I asked in disbelief. "I don't know what's worse - the fact that you're all talking about it or the fact that Rodney thought of something I completely missed."

"You forgot about engagement rings?" Rodney asked incredulously.

"Getting married isn't something I've actively imagined Rodney," I said defensively. "It's not like I don't know people get engagement rings - I just never thought about getting one myself."

"You don't want a ring?" Rodney looked almost flabbergasted now.

"Not everyone does," I looked over at John pointedly. "You know, you _could_ step in any time - help me out here."

"I'm still stuck on the fact that I forgot your ring," John admitted ruefully.

"Wait a minute," I held up a hand to stop any smart arse remarks from Rodney over that. "You've actually _got_ a ring somewhere?"

"You said you wanted the whole box and dice," John reminded me. "To me that includes a ring."

"Oh," I don't know why that surprised me but it did. And then the next thought occurred to me. "So where is it then?" I hadn't forgotten we had an audience ... hopefully John would pick up on my hint that it was time to leave that audience behind.

"Upstairs," John admitted. "It was in my stuff back at the SGC - I wasn't thinking about it that first night because I didn't have it on me."

"Well, let's go have a look then," I rose suddenly, grabbing John's hand and dragging him up from the table too. "Rodney will look after everything here, won't you Rodney?" And then I dragged John away, ignoring Rodney's indignant spluttering and Teyla's amused laugh. "See you tomorrow guys," I called over my shoulder, still urging John along with me.

"You're really this keen to see your ring?" John asked in amazement once we were both in the elevator.

"No offense but God no," I laughed. "Good excuse to get out early though – as I remember it we have unfinished business."

"Ah," John smiled, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him. "Now that I understand." He leaned in and kissed me, walking me slowly backwards until he had me pressed up against the wall.

"Hm-mm," someone clearing their throat ... loudly ... brought us back to ourselves.

"Here already," I quipped with an embarrassed laugh, breaking away from John. An elderly gentleman in a very nice suit stood at the open lift doors, thankfully looking at us with amusement instead of embarrassment or censure. He and John exchanged nods before John urged me out and hurried us down the corridor.

It was easy to find our place again once we'd finally achieved some privacy. Every touch, every moment of intimacy meant more to me right then that it ever had before – because we'd signed those papers earlier in the day. And maybe because it was only just hitting me that I'd come so close to being separated from John – I wasn't going to say forever even though if Walker had been able to complete his plan it would have been.

After only been a couple of days I already felt I'd gone a long way forward in terms of my recovery. Having Team Sheppard there along with all the personal distractions with John hadn't hurt ... it was just the break my mind needed. Maybe I'd picked up more than just John's smart arse approach to stressful situations – maybe I'd picked up a bit of his coping methods too.

oOo

"Hey - I was just reading that information they gave us about marriage licenses," I called through to the bathroom where John was finishing up a shower before we retired for the night. "Maybe I'm reading this wrong but I think we have a problem."

"What's that?" John called back distractedly.

"Because we got a license here we have to get married somewhere in Nevada within the next twelve months to make it legal," I explained, getting up and moving into the bathroom doorway. "If that's true everywhere then I can't see how we could ever do anything legally on Atlantis."

"That was part of what General Landry was getting Walter to look into," John replied. "It should be possible to get a dispensation for that, as long as we get someone to register it back here once we're married."

"Oh," I frowned. "This seems a lot more complex than it needs to be."

"Sorry," John shrugged dismissively. "I know you wouldn't have chosen to be an Air force wife but that's what you're gonna be - this kind of thing is par for the course so we might as well get used to it."

"I can do that," I smiled, walking back into the bedroom with a whole host of thoughts running through my head.

oOo

For the next three days we played tourist, sometimes all five of us together but more often than not just John and I. We visited all the casinos ... not to gamble but just to experience the uniqueness of each theme. Well, Rodney gambled and was not surprisingly very good at it. After the first night he too gave it up, telling us it wasn't a challenge and that the mathematics wasn't interesting enough to hold his attention.

As with the airport I was struck by the vast numbers of people living or visiting the city. At odd moments that made me nervous, not enough that I wanted to hide myself away, just enough to know that although I'd recovered alot it would still be some time before I felt completely normal again.

John was like a kid in a candy store, wanting to try everything the hotel had to offer, including the thrill rides. Yes there were _rides_, the scariest of which was something called Insanity - appropriately as it turned out because you really had to be insane to want to strap yourself into a caged seat and hang over the side of a thousand foot tower while you were spun fast enough to experience three G's of force. I gamely went along with John and ended up feeling pale and shaky while he laughed like an idiot and said he'd had better. Big Shot was no better ... being literally shot almost two hundred feet straight up at a huge speed, over four G's of force for that one ... once I'd escaped back to solid ground I vowed I'd never pay to get the crap scared out of me again and that if John wanted to go on any more rides he'd have to rope Ronon in instead.

I had my payback though, dragging John through the international marketplace fully contained within the hotel. It wasn't the same as actually going to Paris, Hong Kong and New York of course, but I had fun ... and if watching John reluctantly letting himself be dragged from shop to shop with that sexy pout as his only protest added to that enjoyment, well I was only human. I dragged him to the Hotel show as well ... one of those look alike efforts that was totally wasted on me because I wouldn't have recognised half of the real people if they'd stopped by our table to say hello.

The one thing we _both_ agreed was awe inspiring was the observation deck ... to quote the guidebook it was the tallest free-standing tower in the whole of the united states. We could see all of Vegas stretched out around us and began a nightly ritual of spending a few minutes up there just taking in the spectacle of everything lit up with more lights than were anywhere near necessary. It wasn't as pretty or as impressive as Atlantis lit by night but it was pretty close.

oOo

On every one of those three tourist days I'd tried to convince John to take Rodney and Ronon to play golf. There were a stack of courses close by and John should have been all over the idea given his love of the game but he'd declined every time I suggested it. He said it was because he thought all that walking would still be too much for me but when I'd pointed out that he could go just with the others he'd brushed it off, telling me he was happy to wait until we could go together.

But I knew it wasn't just that. It had been _six_ full days since John had rescued me, I was physically almost back to my old self, but he still hadn't left my side for more than a few minutes at a time. So on our fourth day in Vegas I decided it was time for a little chat.

"What's on the agenda today?" I asked casually as we finished up breakfast in our room.

"Not sure," John replied, distracted with the morning paper. Looking up he added "was there something you wanted to do?"

"As a matter of fact there is," I announced. "I want you to take Rodney and Ronon to the golf course. Teyla and I are gonna go do girly stuff."

"I can ... ," John trailed off, obviously realising before he said it how stupid it would sound if he said he could come with us. Frowning he shook his head and muttered "that wasn't fair."

"I know, " I agreed, "but you can't stick to me like glue for the rest of our lives! At some point you're gonna have to trust me to go out there alone."

"I _do_ trust you!" John protested. "It's everyone else I have a problem with!"

"You know you're being just a tad ridiculous, right?" I raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, waiting until he looked away sheepishly. "I thought so."

"So I'm not exactly keen to have you galavanting around a strange city without me," John said defensively.

"How about this?" I decided to offer a compromise. "You go play golf with the boys this morning while Teyla and I shop. I promise we'll stick to the hotel and that I'll stay close to Teyla the whole time. We can meet back in the restaurant for lunch."

"Ah ...," John thought for a moment, looking like he was trying to work out a viable reason not to agree. But of course he couldn't and was forced to concede. "Fine," he grumbled.

"It _will_ be fine," I promised. "And you'll have fun with Ronon and Rodney."

John wasn't happy but he went along with the plan ... heading out in the car with Ronon and Rodney after telling Teyla repeatedly to look after me. Teyla and I shared an amused glance as the two of us stood at the hotel entrance waving them off.

oOo

I don't know about John, but Teyla and I packed a lot into our morning. A satisfying three hours later we all met up again for lunch, with me smiling as soon as I saw that John looked relaxed rather than stressed as I'd worried he would be.

"How'd it go?" I asked, eager to hear what I was sure was going to be an interesting account.

"Ronon was just as much a natural on a real course as he was on the driving range back home," John announced. I looked at him carefully – he had just a hint of that little boy peevishness around the edges. I could understand that though. Spending years learning and perfecting something only to have someone come in and do it with no training really would suck.

"What, even putting?" I asked Ronon. "I'm surprised ... given your usual approach to things."

"It's a stick and a ball," Ronon rumbled with an amused twinkle in his eye. He knew how peeved John was and he was enjoying it!

"What about you Rodney?" I looked at Rodney, just waiting for the complaints.

"I never enjoy walking through nature when we've got somewhere to go," Rodney said sarcastically. "It's even less pleasant when there's absolutely no reason for it! Why anyone would want to participate in what has to be the most frustrating sport on Earth is beyond me."

"We had to give Rodney a shot limit," John shared with me. "Otherwise we'd still be back on the 9th hole."

"Oh, very amusing," Rodney said irritably. "Maybe tomorrow we can do something I've been practising for 20 years – see how you go when the shoe's on the other foot!"

"What could we possibly do that you specialise in?" John asked curiously. "They don't have a 'build your own bomb' shop here, do they."

"I don't know," Rodney muttered, not impressed, "but I'll think of something."

"What about you?" Ronon asked, looking from me to Teyla and back again. "Did you do all that girly stuff Teyla was talking about?"

"We did," Teyla answered, exchanging a secretive smile with me.

"I'm not sure I like that look," John said worriedly, looking at me more closely.

"What, you want to hear about manicures and makeup and hair styles?" I joked.

"No, and I'm kinda surprised you did!" John retorted, grabbing at my hand and inspecting my nails curiously.

"Busted!" I pulled my hand away quickly. "We didn't do all that – only had time to check out all the shops ... and you know, buy a few things."

"Ah," John looked at me in amusement. "How many book shops do they have here?"

"Enough, smart arse," I retorted. "For that you get to carry everything upstairs."

"You got your stitches out," John commented abruptly, putting a hand to my chin and turning my face up to the light.

"Yeah," I agreed, surprised he hadn't noticed immediately. "Hotel doctor did it - said the wound was almost completely healed."

"No scar," John pointed out, examining the site more closely. I still had a faint red line but it was already looking a lot better than I'd hoped for when I'd first seen the damage.

"The doctor said with any luck it should fade completely within a few weeks," I told John with a pleased grin. "Leg wounds too."

"You got anything other than books in those bags?" John changed the subject, sensing that I didn't want to talk about the remaining evidence of what I'd been through.

"Why don't you pick them up and find out," I challenged, more than ready to head back to our room for a rest.

I had to put up with a few more teasing remarks about the weight of my bags ... once up in our room I threw myself on the bed, exhausted. We'd stayed up late the previous night and I was paying for it after my busy morning.

"I can't believe I'm so tired," I complained. "I think I could even sleep for a bit ... if you wanted to join me."

John let his actions be his answer ... in moments he had us snuggled up together on top of the covers. "Are you enjoying your vacation?" he asked softly, moving my hair aside so he could nuzzle the back of my neck.

"Yes," I mumbled, hugging his arm against me as I yawned again. And then I let the tiredness take over and dropped quickly into sleep.

oOo

"Mmm," my awareness returned with the pleasant sensation of someone kissing me. Turning over I smiled sleepily at John. "What time is it?"

"Sixteen thirty hours," John replied.

"Wow," I sat up abruptly, rubbing a hand over my face. "I guess I really _was_ tired." My stomach chose that moment to growl audibly. "And now I'm hungry," I added with a laugh. "Let's get dressed up and eat early. The others can do without us for one night."

Not waiting for an answer I jumped out of bed, grabbing one of my bags from that morning's spree.

"Did you buy actual clothes?" John looked at the bag with interest.

"I did," I agreed casually. "After you were so keen on that dress from the Tower I decided I could make a bit of an effort since the opportunity was there."

"Go on then," John waved a hand, urging me to get moving.

"If I get dressed up, you have to as well," I told him insistently. "That suit you packed for the dinner we were supposed to have at your Mother's favourite restaurant will do nicely."

Grumbling a bit, John pushed up off the bed to change while I disappeared into the bathroom for my own transformation.

Half an hour later I emerged somewhat cautiously, nervous about John's reaction.

"Holy ...," John broke off, getting up and actually walking around me as he checked out my outfit. "Ah ... wow. You look good ... I mean, really, _really ..._ good."

"Glad you approve," I self consciously tugged at the bodice of the dress, not used to having something on that felt so ... exposing. My shoulders and half of my back were left bare by the dress design – hence my feeling just a little bit self conscious. The dress was a rich shifting swirl of bronze and brown, form fitting from the halter neck down to my waist and then flowing in a swath of fabric to my ankles. The best bit was the fact that it was actually two layers – underneath solid bronze satin and on top a sheer see through fabric that added the graduation of colours. I'd even gotten shoes – bronze very high heel ones that could only be described as completely frivolous.

"You're beautiful," John announced appreciatively, "but you're missing something."

"I know I'll probably be cold but I didn't have time to get a jacket to go with this," I excused, adjusting my necklace so the vinculum sat right in the centre of my chest.

"Not a jacket," John walked up to me with a hand in one pocket. Removing it he held a box out to me. "This."

"Oh," I looked down at the box as a bemused smile made its way over my face. "Don't _you_ have to do the honours?"

"This ring belonged to my mother," John explained as he opened the box and showed me the simple white gold ring nestled inside. "It was her wedding ring and I've kept it with me since she died ... never thought I'd want to part with it for anyone – until you."

"Okay, now you're gonna make me cry," I said tearfully, hardly able to believe how moving him giving me a ring actually was. Without ceremony John pushed the ring up my finger, holding out my hand so we could both see it looking so natural there.

"Do you like it?" John asked uncertainly. "I know it's not the classic diamond or anything ..."

"I love this one more than anything else you could have given me," I said with certainty. "This one is me ... and it's you too. It's perfect."

"Good," John melted my heart even more when he pulled my ring hand to his lips and actually kissed it. Looking from my hand back to him I was rendered speechless. And then I remembered we'd been about to go out. Looking at him all sexy and commanding in his charcoal grey suit I smiled happily.

"Don't we look impressive?" I said with a giggle. "Let's go before I get more emotional and end up crying all over you."

Grabbing John's hand I urged him to the lift, pushing the button for the very top floor.

"Where are we going?" John asked curiously.

"I discovered this morning that there's a spot up here where you can eat if you arrange it in advance," I explained. "It sounded like something we should do so I signed us up – the view should be spectacular."

I took the lead once we'd got out of the lifts, guiding our steps down the silent corridor to the door at the very end.

"This is it," I announced, taking a deep breath and then pushing the door open.

There were only two other people in the room but the very layout and set up shouted out what we were really there for.

"Sabina?" John looked at me uncertainly. "Is this what I think it is?"

"If you think it's a wedding then yes," I replied nervously.

**Author's Note:**

Apologies for the delayed post on this chapter. I was all set to post last night but then I realised I had a timeline problem and I just didn't have the steam to fix it there and then. Even so it's taken me longer than expected to correct it and add in everything I thought was needed to make this chapter better. Hope it was worth the wait. Also, because it's so late I'll have to add an apology to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'll reply to you all in the morning ... it's 2am here and again I just don't have the energy left to do it tonight.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 13 ... there be fluff ahead!_


	18. This is not a quickie wedding

**Chapter 13: This is **_**not**_** a quickie wedding**

"You want to get married right now?" John asked in surprise.

"I do," I announced firmly. "We have everything we need to do this now. And the beauty of it is that the IOA doesn't get a say in it. It'll be completely legal and we can do whatever other paperwork we have to do before we go back to Atlantis." When John looked at me apparently speechless I rushed in to words again. "Look, we don't have to do this now if you had something else in mind. We can send the celebrant guy home and just enjoy the dinner I organised. I just thought ... when you said you hoped I wouldn't want to wait that long that ..."

John put a gentle hand to my mouth to halt my rambling speech. "I am ... _amazed_ that you did this by yourself," John's eyes shone with emotion. "And I'll marry you any time you want ... but ..."

"But what?" I asked worriedly, suddenly nervous that I'd messed the whole thing up.

The fear of rejection surprised me ... I knew John loved me but putting myself on the line was tougher than I'd realised it would be. Only then did I think about how I'd feel if John put this off, if he said thanks but not right now ... because I was feeling it right then. Scared, vulnerable, foundations shaken, pride in danger of being stamped into the ground. It was a struggle but I met John's gaze bravely, trying to show him I was confident that what I'd proposed was the right thing for both of us.

"But I need to make sure this really _is_ what you want," John returned insistently, his expression suddenly serious. "That you're not just doing this because of what happened with Walker."

"Why would that have anything to do with it?" I asked defensively, turning away from him.

"Sabina," John drew me back around, bending his head low so he could see my expression. "Getting married is as big a distraction as you can get!" Noticing my hurt look John squeezed my hands tightly, his expression determined. "You can't blame me for questioning your haste here ... you've gone from hardly being able to say the word 'wedding' without shuddering and describing us getting married as a long time in the future event to wanting to get married only a week after we got engaged!"

"I _know_ it seems sudden," I met his eyes intently, letting him see every expression as I tried to reassure him. "And maybe, indirectly, my experience with Walker _has_ changed my outlook but not in a negative way. This isn't about distracting myself or trying to pretend what happened didn't happen. I just ... I realised when it seemed I might not make it just how important forging a life ... a _family_ ... with you is to me. And I'm certain ... one hundred percent ... that right now is the time for us to get started. I don't want to waste any more time ... do you?"

"We haven't been wasting time," John countered, letting go of my hands and turning to look at the room ... and the setting that awaited us. He stood for a moment, thinking over what I'd said before glancing at me again. "What about our friends? Your team? You sure you want to get married without them here to witness it? We're only gonna do this once."

"They'll understand," I said simply. "Besides Teyla, Ronon and Rodney will all be here in a few minutes."

"You invited them?" John asked, surprised.

"_Of course_," I returned with a hint of impatience creeping into my voice. "I _know_ I should have asked if there was anyone else you'd want at our wedding but ... there wasn't any time and I really wanted this to be a surprise." I gave him a moment to digest than and then spoke. "So - are we getting married or what?"

"Yes," John said simply, taking my hand and pulling me into his tight embrace. We stood united like that until our attention was drawn away and we shifted to greet our guests. Team Sheppard had arrived, announcing their presence by crowding, noisily in Rodney's case, in the doorway.

"Hi guys," I greeted them, still feeling nervous. "Teyla – you look fantastic!" I smiled in delight, glad the black dress we'd picked out that morning looked as good as I'd remembered. Even Rodney and Ronon had dressed up, Rodney in a suit and Ronon in a sports jacket that actually fit quite nicely - no idea how they'd gotten that but I was sure it would be thanks to Teyla!

"This is a surprise," Rodney said with faint amusement.

"Before you say anything," I jumped in, "this is _not_ a quickie wedding so don't you dare mention Elvis or any other dead musicians!"

"I wasn't going to," Rodney protested. "I was actually going to say I was surprised you didn't just run off and do this and then tell us about it later."

"Believe me I was tempted," I smiled to take the sting from my words. "But we need witnesses – why use strangers when we've got you guys?"

"So John has agreed to these arrangements?" Teyla asked.

"I have," John spoke for himself, thankfully not mentioning the fact that I'd had to work to convince him. "I take it you helped Sabina with all this?"

"It was an enjoyable morning, made more so by the end result," Teyla excused, glancing around the room happily.

"I don't mean to rush everyone but I only hired this guy for an hour so we need to get on with it," I said, smiling weakly when the others laughed.

oOo

Minutes later John and I stood before the celebrant, Teyla, Ronan and Rodney forming a half circle behind us. It was a standard ceremony with standard, traditional words because I hadn't had time to think about tailoring anything, but it was perfect.

I'd managed to find a simple wedding band for myself, my tastes ensuring it would look good with John's mother's ring even though I hadn't seen it beforehand. I'd also decided to get a matching ring for John – I had no idea if he'd want to wear one but the whole idea of a ceremony seemed to call for it and in the end it didn't really matter if John's ring ended up in the top draw.

We exchanged our rings, each of us unable to contain our smiles at the joy of what we were doing. When the celebrant announced that John and I were husband and wife I couldn't contain the huge grin that took over my face. I threw myself into that first kiss as married people too, not caring about any etiquette associated with the tradition of it.

Breaking away I smiled up at John. "You're mine now," I told him in a low tone, well pleased with that fact.

"Back at you," John returned with a grin, leaning down to press a firm kiss to my lips.

And then it was time to get the kudos from our witnesses.

"You did good," Ronon hugged me close, giving his approval not just to the marriage but also to the way I'd gone about it

"Thank you," I squeezed him tight. Ronon moved on to the usual 'lift him off the ground' bear hug with John as I turned to Rodney expectantly.

"Congratulations ... Mrs Sheppard," Rodney grinned smugly, knowing he was the first person to refer to me like that.

"I still haven't decided about that," I murmured as Rodney hugged me quickly before stepping aside to let Teyla have her turn.

"Is it not customary here for a woman to change her name after marriage?" Teyla asked.

"I'm impressed that you know so much about Earth customs," I complimented. "These days women don't always change their names – it depends on the circumstances."

"And are you gonna change yours?" Rodney asked curiously.

"Like I said, I hadn't thought about it," I looked over at John with a raised eyebrow, remembering how he'd joked earlier about giving me the incentive.

"It's entirely up to you," he replied to my unspoken question. "I don't mind admitting that it'd be nice but I'd understand if you wanted to keep the Scott."

"I rarely even think of myself as anything other than just 'Sabina'," I said thoughtfully. "Sabina Sheppard does have a nice ring to it though, doesn't it? I guess I could get used to that." I looked at John, returning his silly pleased grin with one of my own.

"It might cause confusion on Atlantis if someone's yelling out 'Sheppard!'," Rodney quipped, making John's name sound like a reprimand.

"If they say it in that tone I'll know straight away it's John," I smiled in amusement. "He's the one always getting into trouble."

"I am sure we will all adjust once you have taken John's name," Teyla said simply, bringing my attention back to her.

"Thank you for helping with this," I told her gratefully.

"It was my pleasure," Teyla reached out and drew me down to her for an Athosian forehead embrace. Straightening she added "you made a wonderful bride."

"And you made a wonderful brides assistant," I replied. "Thank you for being our witnesses," I encompassed the three of them in that statement. "I guess we should move on to dinner."

I didn't keep any of the other wedding customs either – no bouquet to throw, no wedding cake to cut – and it was the best wedding dinner I'd ever gone to. And not just because it was my own! John and I had people there important to both of us and we'd focussed on the essentials. I'd have to make it up to Major Lorne and the others when we got back to Atlantis but I knew in the end they'd just be happy for us ... _after_ they'd finished pretending to be mad of course.

It had been a big day and despite my afternoon nap I found myself running out of steam earlier than I would have expected.

"Time to go," John announced when he caught me yawning for the third time in as many minutes. "Feel free to hang around," he told his team, putting an arm around me and guiding me towards the door.

"Bye," I called out to them, gratefully letting John support me into the corridor and all the way back to our room.

"What are you doing?" I yelped in surprise when he stopped at the door and then picked me up.

"It's tradition," he laughed, carrying me over the threshold.

"A very strange one," I mumbled, giggling when John dropped me down on the bed before throwing himself down beside me.

"Hello Mrs Sheppard," he leant over me with serious intent, pressing light kisses across my cheek.

"Hello Mr Sheppard," I replied, pushing my hands into his hair so I could make those light kisses into something with more impact.

Should I resort to cliques and tell you our first married sex really did have that extra edge because we'd made the ultimate legal commitment?

It did.

Something of that must have come through because the Ancient necklace I still wore glowed it's blue light into the darkened room right at that key moment – it hadn't done that since we'd completed the vinculum and I could only surmise that somehow it knew we'd finally lived up to the connection we'd made all those months ago.

oOo

"You got married and you didn't invite me?" Daniel tried to look affronted by that. His team were still off on individual assignments and he was still looking for that elusive Ark, a project that was clearly going to take him a long time to complete.

I could hardly believe our holiday was over and that we'd be heading back to Atlantis that afternoon. We'd returned to the SGC the day before after finishing up in Vegas and making a trip of the drive back. I'd tried to catch up with Daniel as soon as we'd arrived but he'd been out of the mountain and in the end I only had the hour before our scheduled departure to say my goodbyes.

"It was spur of the moment," I excused. "You can come to the reception thing we're having back on Atlantis – assuming General Landry approves the extra gate travel."

"Smart," Daniel said approvingly. "Holding a big party back there should divert everyone away from the fact that you got married without telling anyone."

"It was John's idea," I admitted, falling silent as Daniel looked at me. "John told me how you helped him when I was ...," I stopped, not sure what word to use, not that it mattered because Daniel knew exactly what I was talking about. "I know I didn't say much the day after when I called you ... but it wasn't because I didn't appreciate it. Thank you."

"I only wish I could have done more," Daniel excused the need of thanks. "How are you doing – really?"

"Better than I could have hoped for," I said honestly. "I have moments, flashes of memory but already I can feel it sinking into the background."

"Having the perpetrators punished, not to mention going off and getting married, would have helped," Daniel suggested.

"The break did me good," I agreed, getting reluctantly to my feet when I saw the time to depart was fast approaching. "As always these visits never seem long enough. I really hope you can come to Atlantis soon."

"Me too," Daniel stood and actually pulled me into a hug before stepping back. "Take care."

"You too," I smiled and then turned to leave. "Good luck with the Ark ... Indiana."

oOo

"Colonel," General Landry stood at the bottom of the Stargate ramp to see us off. "We should have a decision from the IOA within a few days regarding the new leadership. Until then, you remain in charge on Atlantis."

"Yes Sir," John replied with a slight grimace.

"Walter, dial the Gate," Landry called up the control room. Turning back to us he added "congratulations once again on your marriage. I'm sure that'll make your return home interesting." The faint sparkle in his eye reassured me that he really did approve the sudden turnaround from us wanting things done on Atlantis to doing them on Earth. And I'm sure the fact that Richard Woolsey had tried to find some kind of loop hole to give the IOA approval rights ... and failed, had nothing to do with it.

"I'm sure it'll cause a stir for a few days," John dismissed. "Until something more interesting comes along."

"Of course," Landry agreed. We all turned as the wormhole stabilised. "Ronon, Teyla, Doctor McKay – thank you for coming here on such short notice to assist us," he nodded to each of them in turn, and then to John and I. "Colonel Sheppard. Mrs Sheppard."

I did one of those little 'yes I am awake' jolts when he called me by my new name, all legal and everything. "Gotta get used to that," I muttered, before pasting a smile on my face. "Thank you for everything General," I said gratefully. "I hope you'll be able to make it to Atlantis for the reception – once we've organised it."

With all the pleasantries concluded and nothing further to say we all picked up our bags and walked through the Stargate.

oOo

"Welcome home Colonel," Major Lorne said respectfully, waiting near the Gateroom stairs for our return. "Colonel Caldwell is readying the Daedalus for takeoff and said he'll meet with you at fourteen hundred hours." Glancing at me he smiled. "Sabina - you look ... relaxed."

"Thank you Major," John looked at me with a mischievous grin.

"_John_," I tried to put a warning into my tone because I knew he was about to spill the beans, big time.

"Yes Mrs Sheppard?" John asked, taking delight in the open mouthed surprise that overtook Evan's face. "That's right Major – you haven't been introduced to my _wife_."

**Author's Note:**

Apologises for another delayed post ... this last part on Earth has given me no end of grief but it's done now (breathes a sigh of relief). So, were you surprised I married them off at the beginning of season four like this? Maybe not, but I hope it wasn't too predictable!!!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 14_


	19. Colonel Carter, welcome to Atlantis

****

Chapter 14: Colonel Carter, welcome to Atlantis

"You two got _married_?" Evan asked incredulously, looking from John to me and back again.

"Vegas style," Rodney quipped, pushing past us, impatient with the chit chat and keen to leave the Gateroom. "It wasn't even that bad," he called out over his shoulder before disappearing down the corridor.

"Don't listen to him Major," Teyla drew up alongside us. "It was a special event. I was pleased to be able to attend my first Earth wedding."

"What she said," Ronon rumbled, taking Teyla's arm and escorting her across the Gateroom after Rodney.

"You invited them but not your own team?" Evan's eyes narrowed and he gave me his 'I am not impressed' look.

"It was a spur of the moment thing," I retorted defensively. "I had no choice!"

"And this after you said you hadn't known each other long enough," Evan teased pointedly.

"When was that?" John asked, glancing at me curiously.

"Months ago," I dismissed. "A lot's happened since then."

"At least tell me you got photos," Evan kept up with the teasing, even though he could see I was uncomfortable.

"Ah ...," I looked at John uncertainly, vaguely recalling something about that in the arrangements I'd made. I'd vettoed the whole 'pose for photos' thing but hadn't dismissed candid shots being taken ... with the uncertainty before John's agreement to proceed _and _my overall nervousness I hadn't given it a seconds thought.

"Don't worry Major," John answered for me. "There were a few photos ... the hotel promised to send them through to the SGC. Someone will pass them on to us eventually."

"You were so into the whole thing you didn't notice someone taking photos of you?" Lorne shook his head with a fond laugh. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Yes – ha ha," I retorted irritably. "Just watch it Major or else I might decide not to invite you to the reception either."

"You're having a party?" the Major perked up immediately. "Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

oOo

The news of our marriage got around Atlantis faster than even I could have imagined. But as John had predicted, the unusual level of interest in our relationship died down just as quickly. Apart from having to put up with the traffic of people stopping by to congratulate me the first full day we were back, I was pretty much free to continue along as always.

With John in command of the entire city, including the military, team Sheppard was grounded until a new leader could be appointed. The flow on effect was that Major Lorne was fully engaged with command duties too, seconding John with the military side of things and taking as much of the load as he could. That meant team Lorne was also grounded ... part of me was keen to get back out into the field but the rest was just relieved that John had Evan helping him, since there was no way he could do everything he'd done before _as well as _Doctor Weir's job, even a scaled down version of it. Evan had loaned Lieutenants' Parker and Brown out for support duty with other off world teams but I decided to stick around the city, concentrate on documenting what I thought we'd learned about the NAP project before I consigned it to the abandoned basket.

"_Finally_," I looked up from my solitary table in the Mess Hall to see all three of my team mates converging on me.

"Hey guys!" I smiled, happy to see Colin and Alex for the first time since we'd returned. "How've you been?"

"Don't 'hey guys!' us," Alex returned indignantly, throwing himself down in the chair opposite me and glaring reproachfully.

"What?" I looked from him to Colin, watching the other man settling himself next to Alex, leaving the seat beside me for Major Lorne. "What'd I do?"

"What did she do?" Alex looked at Colin and shook his head sadly. "How about running off and getting married without having your team present?"

"Didn't Major Lorne fill you in on the specifics?" I raised an eyebrow at Evan, who was looking back at me with amused innocence. "It all happened really quick ... and I couldn't leave it for the IOA to control. Who knows how long it would have taken them to approve something happening here."

"We're your team," Colin said sternly. "First rule: the team sticks together. Second rule: members of the team don't go off getting married with another team present without said team also present." Looking back at Alex he continued. "Maybe it's our fault ... we haven't properly indoctrinated her on correct team procedure."

"Yes, John's team was present," I agreed. "And if you guys had happened to be on Earth at the time I would have invited you too."

"Come to think of it," Evan spoke for the first time since they'd all sat down, "you never explained why Teyla, Ronon and McKay joined you on Earth."

"John needed some help tracking someone down," I said evasively, not meeting his eyes. "I guess General Landry thought having the whole team there would make everything go faster."

"That's it?" Evan asked, frowning when I shrugged rather than replying. I could have told them all about Walker and my treatment at his hands but that was a can of worms I wasn't quite ready to open to the general public. "And that new scar you're sporting?"

"Huh?" I put a hand to my cheek, surprised I'd almost forgotten the mostly healed wound was there. "Oh this ... I had a slight ... run in with ... someone," I explained somewhat lamely. "So anyway, am I forgiven about the whole marriage thing?" I quickly changed the subject.

"Should we forgive her?" Alex, Colin and Evan shared a look, all of them deliberately teasing me with their silence.

"There's a party?" I offered that carrot hopefully. "You're all invited to that."

"You're forgiven," Alex let his stern mask drop, laughing at my exaggerated sigh of relief. "Seriously Sabina, congratulations."

"Thank you," I smiled across at him.

"Yeah, we're really happy for you," Colin added. "Hope Colonel Sheppard know's how lucky he is!"

"Oh he does," John's voice came from directly behind Colin. It was comical the way Parker froze, his expression panicked. Turning reluctantly he acknowledged John's presence.

"Sir," he tried to smile in the face of John's stern expression. "I ah ... I didn't mean anything by that Sir."

"Of course not Lieutenant," John let the amusement show on his face, smiling as Colin visbily relaxed. "Sorry to interrupt your conversation ... I just wanted to tell my wife not to wait up for me."

"More meetings?" I watched with concern as he drew a chair from the ajoining table next to mine and slumped into it wearily. He was tired and grumpy because he'd much rather be out there doing something that stuck in Elizabeth's office or the Conference Room talking to people all day.

"Apparently it's extremely urgent that we talk about acquiring more plant samples from M5T-899," John quipped. "Unless Doctor Parrish is gonna find me an enormous Venus fly trap that eats Wraith I can't see the point." Sending a stern glance at Lorne and the others he added "don't tell him I said that."

"Of course not Sir," Evan kept the smirk off his face with effort.

"Any news on when we're getting a new leader Sir?" Alex asked curiously.

"Unfortunately not Lieutenant," John replied, glancing at his watch with a sigh. "Duty calls," he announced, getting up reluctantly. "Sabina," he let the way he said my name be his goodbye, running a hand down my hair before turning to the others. "Gentlemen. Carry on."

I watched him walk away with a frown. Elizabeth's capture had an immediate effect on us in obvious ways ... it was only as time passed that I appreciated the not so obvious effects, the ones created by the many ways Doctor Weir had influenced the city and everyone in it.

"You knew he was there didn't you?" Colin asked weakly, drawing my attention back to the table.

Evan and I traded glances before turning back to the other two with almost identical grins. "Sure did!"

oOo

John was still hopeful the IOA would make a quick leadership decision now we were back in the city. I wanted that too to take the load off John ... but at the same time I didn't, because welcoming a new leader was the final nail in the coffin of my hopes for finding Elizabeth.

"I just spoke to Stargate Command," John announced a few days after our return. "They've decided on a new leader ... finally."

"Are you allowed to tell me who?" I asked, looking up from our bed and checking out his demeanour – did he seem happy or not? It was hard to tell which made me just a little worried.

"I can't see why not," John decided. "She'll be taking over in a couple of days."

"She?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I thought for sure they'd take the opportunity to put a man in charge – and I don't mean that as any kind of sexist remark."

"I think the IOA are very concerned about the dual threat of Wraith _and_ Replicators, both of whom have shown more than a passing interest in Earth," John explained. "They've gone with someone who's military but also expert as far as Replicator tech goes."

"Colonel Carter?" I guessed, not that difficult since I couldn't think of anyone else with that combination of skills.

"Yeah," John admitted.

"And you're not disappointed it wasn't you?" I asked curiously, pretty sure I already knew the answer but wanting to give him the chance to acknowledge it out in the open.

"Like I said before, I wasn't looking for more responsibility," John said with an easy casualness. "I watched Elizabeth grapple with the politics, the red tape _and_ the double standards for long enough to know I'd suck at that."

"You would not!" I protested. "Just because you don't _want_ to do it doesn't mean you _couldn't_, if you had to."

"Well thank you for the vote of confidence Mrs Sheppard," John smiled.

"You're welcome Mr Sheppard," I replied solemnly before ruining it by laughing. "How long do you think it'll take us to get sick of that?"

"I'm not there yet," John admitted freely.

"So what's Colonel Carter like?" I asked. "I know Daniel was on her team for all those years – he mentions her a lot but it's more the friendship stuff and how he misses her now they've kinda gone their separate ways."

"I forgot you didn't get to meet her when she was here before," John sat down on the bed, putting an arm around me as he thought about his answer. "She's very smart, capable ... got loads of experience fighting alien enemies including the Replicators. This is her first big command."

"Does this mean your role will be different now?" I suddenly worked out the ramifications of there being a higher ranked military officer than John on the base.

"I don't know," John admitted. "I'd have to say yes because it won't be like with Elizabeth where I could override decisions if I thought the situation called for it from a military standpoint. I won't be able to do that with Colonel Carter – although hopefully I won't have to _because_ she's military. Elizabeth never gave me orders or expected me to blindly follow everything she said either."

"It's a big job to run the civilian side of the city as well as the military," I said worriedly.

"We'll still have that split of duties," John explained. "It'll just be at crunch time where I'll probably notice the difference. I felt free to argue with Elizabeth – I'm not saying I won't still speak up if I think there's a need, but the chain of command is clear and in the end that will take precedence."

"It's a lot to take in," I commented. "I guess we just have to give it time?"

"Don't worry," John reassured me. "This isn't the first change of command I've lived through. Remember too this is the military we're talking about – it'll go like clockwork."

"I hope so," I replied. "I don't know how receptive people are gonna be to Colonel Carter taking over. Everybody liked Doctor Weir. That along with the decided lack of support from Earth for a mission to go find her might make the first few weeks of the transition ... awkward for the Colonel."

"I'm sure she can handle it," John reassured me again. "On a completely different topic, how're the plans coming for that party we promised everyone?"

"Um," I grimaced slightly before admitting I'd made no progress. "Are you sure we still have to do it? We're old news now so everyone's probably forgotten about it, especially once they learn we've got a new leader."

"Not likely," John laughed at my crestfallen expression. "I'm sure Teyla will help you if you're struggling."

"Fine," I muttered. "It's only the fact that you've been so busy keeping everything going here that I'm letting you off having to do something to help."

"And I appreciate that," John replied, letting himself flop back on the bed tiredly. "Colonel Carter taking over can't come soon enough because I am heartily sick of all the requests, mostly from the science staff, for things I just can't justify granting. I don't know how Elizabeth put up with that for three years! If that's not bad enough I've got a heap of reports to get ready for when Colonel Carter gets here too. Did I mention I was tired?"

"You didn't have to. You sleep – I'll let you know if someone needs you," I promised, smiling as he turned over and burrowed into the pillows with a mumbled thanks.

oOo

"Are you coming?" John stopped in at my lab on his way to the gate room.

"Mm?" I looked up from my laptop distractedly.

"Colonel Carter's about to dial in," John reminded me. "It'd be good if you could be down there with me."

"Oh, ah ... sure," I replied, shutting off my laptop reluctantly. "Although I don't really think she'd notice if I waited till later to meet her."

"You don't want to meet the Colonel?" John stopped and looked at me in surprise.

"I don't _not_ want to meet her," I admitted. "I just ... it's just ... permanent, you know? I can't help but think of Elizabeth."

"You won't be the only one," John promised. "That'll be the same no matter when we do this so ..."

"Might as well get it over with?" I asked with a faint smile.

"Exactly," John grabbed my hand and urged me down the corridor.

And then there we all were, gathered around the Stargate, up the stairs and even on the balcony – one big picture of welcoming support. I stood back with most of the staff as John stepped forward to greet our new leader, flanked closely by Rodney and Radek.

"Colonel Carter, welcome to Atlantis," John said formally.

"Thank you," Colonel Carter said with a smile. "It's nice to be here." Turning her gaze away from John she extended that smile to greet all of us, John and the others remaining at her side in a silent show of support. "Uh, I want you all to know how honoured I am to accept this appointment. I've come here fully committed to this expedition, to Atlantis, and most importantly, to each and every one of you. I look forward to working with all of you. Thank you."

That was a very clear signal that the official welcome, thankfully brief, was over. I moved to head off with the others but John motioned me over, grabbing my hand as soon as I was close enough and pulling me the rest of the way in.

"Nice speech," Rodney complimented Colonel Carter.

"Thank you. I also do weddings and award shows," the Colonel quipped. "Book early to avoid disappointment."

"Before I show you to your new digs," John began, "I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Sabina Sheppard. Sabina, this is Colonel Samantha Carter."

"Colonel Carter," I smiled and held out a hand in the standard greeting, trying to hide the nice little tingle John's use of the word 'wife' had caused. Man it was hard to get used to hearing myself introduced like that!

"Daniel told me you'd gotten married when I got back from area 51," Carter said with a genuine smile, shaking my hand in return. She had a purposeful, confident handshake that probably said a lot about her character. "Congratulations! Actually I spoke to General O'Neill just before I left – he said he _hopes_ his reception invitation doesn't go to the same address as his wedding one."

"Funny," I smiled, pleased that the General had even remembered me to Colonel Carter. "I'm still kinda working on the whole reception thing."

"Well, I'm sure everyone will look forward to it when you get there," Colonel Carter replied with another, friendly smile.

"Do you want to get settled in your quarters first?" John got things back to business.

"Yeah," Colonel Carter agreed. She and Rodney then did a little head nod, first name greeting to each other before she followed John from the Gateroom.

I couldn't help but notice Rodney doing the once over on Colonel Carter's ... assets as she walked away.

"_Rodney_," I frowned sternly, "you didn't just check out our new leader's backside did you?"

"I knew her before she was even a Colonel," Rodney tried to excuse his behaviour.

"That only makes it worse," I shook my head. "What about Katie, huh?"

"I'm a guy – we look!" Rodney said with that whine in his voice. "What – you don't think Sheppard looks?" Rodney swallowed nervously at the glare I gave him before rushing back into speech. "Besides it's not like I'd ever go beyond that!"

"Well if you know her it stands to reason Colonel Carter knows you too," I relented with a cheeky grin. "I bet she's well prepared for anything you could dish out."

"Probably," Rodney muttered miserably.

oOo

"First chance I got, I spoke with Colonel Carter about Elizabeth," John told me later that night.

"And she said no too?" I asked in resignation, not expecting anything different.

"Not exactly," John admitted. "What she did say is that if I can bring her a plan that has some chance for success, she'll consider it, which is more than we've had from the IOA since we lost Elizabeth."

"Oh," I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "So now we just have to devise a plan?"

"Easier said than done," John replied somewhat sadly. "Trying to come up with something this afternoon made me realise why the SGC and to a lesser extent the IOA said no in the first place. On paper, every plan I come up with looks like a suicide mission. After all these weeks none of us have been able to work out anything even remotely doable."

"So we really are giving up?" I asked weakly.

"_Not_ giving up," John countered insistently. "Bidding our time ... trusting that something will turn up we can use to our advantage."

"Okay," I agreed with a sigh. "I guess I can go with that."

"Me too," John gathered me close, the two of us together enough to smooth out the emotional rough edges.

****

Author's Note:

This was a bit of a nothing chapter but I had to get them back to the city and settled in ... and ready to take part in the first true Season 4 episode! Also I feel compelled to remind you all that Team Lorne is made up of Major Lorne, Lieutenant Colin Parker, Lieutenant Alex Brown, and Sabina herself. By this stage Sabina would be referring to them all by their first names ... hence the 'Colin' and 'Alex' used here.

__

Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 15


	20. He called them family

**Chapter 15: He called them family**

"Ronon and I came across some Satedan survivors on M5G-899 yesterday," Teyla told John and me at breakfast the next day. She and Ronon had gone off world following up a rumour that suggested some of Ronon's people might be there, but noone had actually expected the rumours to prove true.

"Really?" I asked in surprise. "He must have been excited!"

"More than," Teyla said with a frown. Turning to John she added "He is thinking of leaving Atlantis and joining them."

"They have a settlement?" John asked curiously. "How many survivors made it?"

"They are only three," Teyla explained. "And from all accounts, on the run from the Wraith but still they carry out irresponsible strikes in an effort to seek revenge."

"That doesn't sound good," John admitted.

"Ronon was on the run for too many years," I commented worriedly. "Surely he doesn't want to go back to that kind of life?"

"Do not underestimate the power of a shared past," Teyla advised. "These are not just people from his planet – they are his friends. He grew up with them and fought beside them for many years before the Wraith destroyed their planet. He called them family."

"I'll talk to him," John promised.

I didn't give it another thought, sure Ronon was too attached to Atlantis, too attached to the friends he'd made to just leave us behind. Even when John took his team to talk with the leader of these Satedan survivors, Tyre, about a possible joint mission I wasn't worried. And then they returned to Atlantis and I knew things were much worse than I could have expected.

oOo

"Ronon says he's leaving after this mission," John paced around his office in agitation. He'd called me down there a short time after their return already angry and it hadn't gotten better after I arrived because now I was agitated too.

"You have to tell him he can't go!" I retorted.

"I already tried to change his mind," John bit back.

"How?" I demanded, still thinking that if we only said the right words Ronon would reconsider.

"Told him the past isn't somewhere he can go back to, no matter how much he might wish otherwise," John replied, rubbing a tired and frustrated hand over his face. "Ronon wasn't listening Sabina ... I'm sorry but I don't think we're gonna influence him on this.

"Did you tell him we need him here?" I persisted.

"Yes!" John returned. "He seems to think things won't change here even if he's off with his Satedan buddies, who by the way I don't exactly trust."

"Why not?" my anger dropped by the wayside to be replaced by that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach ... the one that said things were about to get a whole lot worse. I was too used to John's instincts on things like that to discount them.

"Tyre is hiding something," John replied. "It may be nothing to do with why he's so keen to get Ronon back with them ... but _why_ is he so keen to get Ronon back with them?"

"They're friends," I pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah, but they've heard stories of a Satedan runner for years," John explained, "and yet they never looked for him - never tried to find out who it was. That doesn't make sense."

"Maybe they just assumed it wasn't anyone they knew personally," I suggested. "Only now they know it's their own friend do they want to do anything."

"Maybe," John allowed the possibility. "Anyway, Colonel Carter approved the joint mission – we head out in a few hours."

"Should I ... can I talk to Ronon?" I asked quickly. "Not that I think I can change his mind but ..."

"I already spoke to Colonel Carter and she's gonna talk to him too ... it can't hurt if you want to have a go," John agreed. "But be prepared for Ronon to be stubborn and closed off about this Sabina – he may cut you out before you can say anything."

"Thanks for the warning," I got up, turning to look at John. "I'm sorry this got dumped on you, on top of everything else. You're already under a lot of pressure."

"I've officially handed over the reigns ... along with all those files and requests," John excused with a casual wave of his hand. "I was starting to feel a bit light anyway."

Smiling at his attempted humour I turned and headed for the section of the city housing the living quarters.

oOo

Before I was ready I stood nervously outside Ronon's door, waiting for him to answer my chime.

"Not you too," he greeted me irritably, turning to stride back inside, assuming I'd follow rather than inviting me in.

"Yes - me too," I said firmly. "I might have a different perspective ... if you'll listen?"

"I'm not gonna change my mind," Ronon cautioned, picking up things and throwing them into a carry bag – that alone was a pretty clear message he wasn't open to being convinced but I persisted anyway.

"I understand what it's like to be alone in the world," I began, "to have nowhere to belong and no one waiting when you get there. Sure, not to the extent that you do, but more than the others. I get what your friends mean to you ... if I had the chance to see people that I thought were lost to me I'd jump at it too. But it's not like you to be so trusting."

"You don't know who I used to be," Ronon rumbled. "I _did_ trust Tyre, Ari, Rakai and the others. We grew up together, fought together ... it's more than just friendship. We're family!"

"Then why did they never search for you?" I asked simply, borrowing John's argument as my starting point. "You were a runner for seven years and you've been here on Atlantis for another two."

"Because they thought I was dead," Ronon replied.

"And yet Tyre had heard of Atlantis, of the runner who lives here," I pointed out. "Surely they would have wondered, even just a little bit, who that runner might be. Enough to at least explore the rumours. It wouldn't have taken much for them to find out it was you. But they didn't. You heard of three people who just sounded a _little_ like Satedans and you were there, trying to find out more."

"You don't know them so I don't expect you to trust them," Ronon evaded commenting on what I'd said. "Just wait - in time you'll see why I need to do this."

"I know John said you can't go back because the past is gone," I moved closer to Ronon, putting a hand on his arm, frowning when I realised how tensely he was holding himself. "I'm sorry for the truth of that ... and I'm scared you're gonna find out in the worst possible way just how true that is."

"I'll be fine," Ronon insisted.

"Do you promise?" I asked sadly, knowing in that moment that nothing I said was going to make a difference, just as John had warned.

"I'm not leaving for good," Ronon pointed out. "I'll visit, help out when you guys need me."

"It's not the same," I was surprised to feel the tears rising inside me as I realised the truth of that. Ronon was my big brother but in a different way than Rodney. He was the one who'd seen the worse of me and stood by silently supporting me, the one who truly seemed to understand the enormous value I placed on being on Atlantis, on being with John. "I'm sorry - you don't need me getting upset and making this harder for you." I turned to leave, thinking that I couldn't have messed up the conversation any more than I had. I tried not to let him hear that I was upset but my voice shook and I knew I hadn't been successful.

"Sabina," Ronon's voice stopped me cold.

"You said they're your family," I said thickly, quickly swiping at an escaping tear before dropping my hand back to my side. I didn't turn back to look at him, even more determined he wouldn't see me cry. "But we're you're family too and we love you as much as they ever did. They were just lucky enough to be there first." Not waiting for him to reply I hurried from the room.

I ended up back at my lab, hoping work would help take my mind off what was going to happen once Ronon and the others had completed their joint mission. It didn't, and I spent the remaining time until their mission lost in my own troubling thoughts.

oOo

"We're heading off," John stopped in to say goodbye a few minutes before they were due to depart.

"Be careful," I said, trying to put a bright face on but failing miserably.

"You spoke to Ronon," John stated, "and I'm guessing it didn't go well."

"Not especially," I admitted. "It could have gone worse - I _could_ have stayed and cried all over him at the end instead of retreating back here."

"Ah," John moved into the room and across to my side. "We'll still see him you know."

"That's what he said," I said in a voice that made it clear the statement didn't cut it for me. Getting up from my chair I paced to the window and then back to John. "Aren't you angry about this too?"

"I am," John agreed with just a hint of frustration in his voice, "but I have to respect Ronon's wishes and let him do what he feels he has to do - even if I don't agree with it. He trusts these people Sabina ... I might not see why that is yet, but I owe it to Ronon to give them the benefit of the doubt, because I _do_ trust him. Wouldn't be much of a friend if I acted otherwise."

"It's really not fair that they get to be his family just because they knew him years ago," I complained. "It's not like they're blood relations or anything. We should get to keep him because we've been there for him the past two years! And I know how childish that sounds okay."

"You don't like changes," John put an arm around me and drew me into his side.

"I don't like losing people!" I said angrily, looking down at the floor. "This is what happens - you let people get close and then they leave."

"Sabina," John put a hand under my chin and brought my eyes up to meet his gaze. "You're not losing Ronon ... or anyone else. We'll get used to this. Plus we'll make sure we keep track of Ronon just in case he needs us, okay?"

"It's _not_ okay but I know nothing's gonna change it so ...," I trailed off, sniffed a couple of times and then just let my head drop down to John's chest. He let me rest there for a few moments before I straightened up. "You have to go ... just ... be careful."

"I'm always careful," John smiled, pulling me up into a more intense than usual goodbye kiss. "See you later," he looked at me a moment longer before turning and striding away.

oOo

Of course I should have known things wouldn't go as planned. Obviously my break away from Atlantis had given me amnesia about the whole Team Sheppard easy mission turns to disaster rule. When I heard Ronon was back alone I ran down to the infirmary to find out more.

"I said I'm fine," Ronon was grumbling at one of the medical staff. Colonel Carter and Radek were already there, waiting to hear more about the status. "I tried to radio Sheppard but got no response from him, Teyla or McKay," Ronon admitted.

"And what about the Satedans?" Radek asked.

"We got separated," Ronon replied. "I'm guessing the Wraith got to them too."

"And John said this was going to be an easy one," I commented in frustration.

"Okay, we've gone from support to rescue and recovery," Carter announced. "Doctor Zelenka, ready a Jumper."

"Yes, Colonel," Radek turned to organise that.

"They'll be expecting us," Ronon warned.

"Make that two Jumpers," Carter told Radek.

"Colonel - did you have any Jumper pilots in mind?" I interjected, trying to be casual and hoping Colonel Carter wouldn't see how much I wanted to go on the mission.

"I assume you're offering your services?" Carter returned. She had a good poker face - I couldn't tell whether she thought that was a good idea or not.

"Yes I am," I agreed confidently. "I've got experience with Wraith facilities too - it's not personal. Well it _is_, but even if it wasn't I've got skills that could be very useful for getting our people out of there."

"Agreed," Colonel Carter nodded her understanding. "Go help Doctor Zelenka get ready."

"Thank you," I smiled, hurrying away before she could change her mind.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 16_


	21. I won't pretend

**Chapter 16: I won't pretend I'm not really glad you're staying**

Fifteen minutes later we were in a cloaked Jumper waiting for our decoy Jumper to lure the Darts guarding the facility away. They buzzed past the entrance, making a show of it to get the most attention. The plan worked like a charm because two Darts took off after them, leaving us clear to proceed.

"Okay, they're moving away," the pilot of the other Jumper reported in.

"Thank you, Jumper Two," Colonel Carter replied. Turning to me she gave the order. "Take us in Sabina".

"Yes, Colonel," I flew the Jumper quickly down to the facility – a massive dome like structure that had 'Wraith' stamped all over it. It was surrounded by a thick forest of tall trees that made landing close to our target entrance a challenge. Guiding the Jumper slowly down through a small clearing I brought us to a stop ... close but still a short walk to the facility itself. Creeping through the trees with little sound it took another ten minutes before we had the facility in sight.

"We'll take out the guards with grenades and then split up inside to cover more ground," Colonel Carter explained the strategy as we hid in the trees as close as we could get without detection. "Sabina, you'll stay with me, Radek you too," She gestured to the Marines, allocating them to each team as well. "Okay, let's move out."

We dashed to the entrance, hanging back as Ronon activated the exterior door. Everyone ducked low as Colonel Carter rolled a grenade down the corridor. The resulting explosion was loud and destructive, taking out several Wraith guards. Ronon and Carter then each took one direction and fired rapidly through the smoke, making sure no guards would be left standing.

Radek strode purposefully forward, no longer the nervous and timid scientist he'd been the first time I'd gone off world with him. He scanned the walls quickly, looking for something we could do to make our passage easier. The scanner beeped and he stopped, motioning Carter over.

"There's a power relay behind this wall here," he pointed to the spot directly in front of him.

Colonel Carter nodded, motioning everyone to stay back as she fired at the relay, taking out the power and hopefully causing enough confusion to occupy at least some of the Wraith. Ronon's team headed out first, quickly disappearing from sight. Radek and I followed Carter and the other two Marines.

"I've got two stationary life signs in that direction," I pointed in the opposite direction to the one Ronon had taken, looking back down at my detector before adding "One of them is John."

"I thought those scanners didn't distinguish between races," Carter commented.

"They usually don't," I admitted, somewhat embarrassed at the idea of having to admit that John's signal _felt_ different to all the other signals ... that I could always tell which was his no matter what tool I was using to do the actual life signs detecting. Instead I gave Colonel Carter a condensed explanation. "Let's just say I've got a special affinity for getting that little bit extra out of sensors when it comes to locating Colonel Sheppard and leave it at that."

"That way it is," Carter signalled for our marine escort to take point with me walking close behind them to give directions as needed.

The facility was quiet in a nerve wracking 'I'm expecting something really bad to happen' kind of way. It looked like any other Wraith made place I'd ever seen ... unfortunately it smelt the same too which was _not_ a compliment. I had yet to understand why Wraith technology had to be so squishy and ugly and could only assume it was because of the biological aspects. Regardless, being back inside Wraith territory left me feeling unsettled in an all too familiar way.

We met no resistance as I guided our team to John's position. There were guards in the corridor, easily taken down by Marine gunfire. John and Teyla walked to the doorway as soon as the way was clear.

"You all right?" Carter asked as she got Radek to open the door.

"Well, it's about time! Any longer and we would have had to save ourselves!" John quipped.

Noticing me for the first time he frowned ... I could almost see the thoughts going through his head. _Why is she here? I'm not happy about the risks. What if something happens? Oh yeah, I agreed not to be so uptight about all that. Maybe I am glad to see her._ "Hey," was all I got.

"Hey yourself," I replied with a relieved smile. "It's good to see you're okay - you too Teyla. Where's Rodney?"

"They took him away some time ago," Teyla admitted, taking the weapon John handed her. "Did Ronon manage to make it back to Atlantis?"

"He did," Carter replied.

"Where is he?" Teyla asked in concern.

"We've split up to cover more ground," Carter explained. Turning to the marines she added "Secure the entrance," before turning back to us. "Let's go."

John and Teyla led the way in the direction they'd seen Rodney taken. The corridor was deserted until we turned a corner and discovered a Wraith guard about to fire a stunner inside a room. Rather than wait to find out who he was shooting at John quickly opened fire and took him down.

"All clear," John announced.

Rushing inside the room after them I felt that familiar sense of relief rush through me when I spotted Rodney standing inside. Once again the membership of Team Sheppard had survived unscathed ... realising Ronon's plans would change the team had me quickly backpeddling in my head. No point in thinking about Ronon's imminent departure before I absolutely had to.

"All clear?!" Rodney asked John incredulously. "You could have shot me!"

The room Rodney was in was some kind of lab and I wondered what they were trying to get him to help them with ... until I spotted a Replicator floating in some kind of force field.

"Rodney, why is there a Replicator here?" I asked weakly.

"Because the Wraith know how to turn off the attack command," Rodney replied grimly. "Turns out they were the ones to turn it off before. Only this time their little virus isn't working because of the changes I made to the Replicator base code."

"And they want you to change it back," I concluded.

"Something like that," Rodney agreed. "I didn't do anything though – at least nothing they can use."

"Is that force shield secure?" I asked, watching the Replicator as I moved closer to where Rodney was still taking cover.

"It should be," Rodney glanced up at it casually, the expression on his face freezing when he got a good look at the way it was shifting and stuttering. Before he could do anything to fix it the shield disengaged and the Replicator dropped to the floor."

"Oh, no. Oh, no," Rodney muttered sickly, pulling me down to his hiding spot with urgency.

The Replicator straightened and looked around, before heading straight for where John, Teyla and Colonel Carter held their weapons ready to fire. They fired multiple rounds that had no effect, the Replicator easily fixing the damage to his chest as he continued to advance. Seeming to find us all of no interest though, the Replicator ignored us in favour of the Wraith guards running down the corridor towards us. They tried to stun him but he didn't even pause, easily disarming the Wraith before slamming them both to the ground. Continuing on with his mission to destroy the Wraith, the Replicator disappeared down the corridor.

"That was lucky," I mumbled to Rodney under my breath, both of us straightening up from our crouched positions.

"Let's go find Ronon," John suggested after doing a quick visual inspection to make sure everyone was good to go.

We continued on our way down the corridor until we began to find the gruesome evidence of the Replicator's passage in the form of dead Wraith guards. Rodney started, raising his rifle and pointing towards the shadows. John instantly did the same, everyone waiting to see what was going to happen next. When Ronon appeared a moment later weapons were lowered as everyone visibly relaxed.

Ronon had obviously been in a battle – his face was covered in blood from a number of minor wounds including a cut to the face that made it clear where at least some of that human blood had come from.

"Ronon, where are your friends?" Carter looked down the corridor Ronon had come from in confusion. Ronon however made deliberate eye contact with John, Rodney and Teyla, and me before answering, the whole time moving wearily towards the exit.

"They're right here," he said seriously. "Let's go home."

My heart sank as I realised the complete story Ronon had told with just those six words. His Satedan friends had let him down and from the wounded blankness on his face it had been much worse than any of us could have predicted. The way Rodney, John and Teyla were exchanging glances told me they at least knew some of the background behind that.

Everyone was silent as we made our way back to the Jumper. Ronon sat in the back, letting Teyla apply some first aid to his face without a sound. I sat in the co-pilot's chair, instinctively assuming John would want to fly us home, not sure if I should say something to Ronon then, or wait until we were all safely back on Atlantis.

Ronon disappeared the instant the Jumper rear hatch opened back in the city – he was in with one of the nurses getting his face looked at when the rest of us turned up for post mission checkups. Jumping up as soon as the nurse had given him the all clear it seemed Ronon wasn't even going to acknowledge us. Stepping into his path I put a hand on his arm and waited for him to look at me.

"I'm sorry Ronon," I said softly.

"I should have known," Ronon said bitterly, looking away again.

"I hate how it happened," I continued hesitantly, "but I won't pretend I'm not really glad you're staying. We _all_ are."

"Thanks," Ronon forced a small smile, meeting my eyes with a steady glance that said he really did appreciate the sentiment. Without another word Ronon turned and strode quickly from the infirmary.

"He'll be fine," John came up and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Is he gonna tell us what happened?" Rodney asked.

"When he is ready," Teyla replied sadly.

oOo

A few hours later I walked the long route to our quarters, needing the exercise and the quiet to help clear my mind. Seeing how easily things could change, and how quickly plans could be ruined only made me more grateful for everything I had. John had filled me in on Rodney's story - how he'd seen Ronon's friends betraying us and working with the Wraith. No wonder Ronon had been so emotionally wounded - the very idea that a _Satedan_ could be a Wraith worshipper was almost inconceivable ... that it had been his own friends, the people he grew up with and fought beside _was_ inconceivable ... and yet it _had_ happened. It troubled me that Ronon had gone through something difficult alone, made worse by the fact that he was determined to recover alone as well. But at least he was here where we could help by just being his friends ... and his family.

I was halfway home when I noticed a lone figure standing out on one of the larger public balconies. Recognising Colonel Carter I decided now was as good a time as any to say something I'd been thinking about since her arrival.

"Colonel Carter, do you mind if I join you?" I asked hesitantly, standing just inside the doors.

"Not at all," the Colonel replied with what seemed to be her customary friendly smile. "I was just admiring the view."

"It's certainly worth admiring," I agreed. "I just wanted to say that I appreciate you letting me go on the rescue mission. In the past sometimes I've had to argue to be included because ... ah ..."

"Because of your personal connection to Colonel Sheppard?" Carter finished. I nodded, watching with curiosity the almost knowing look that appeared on her face. "I've seen enough in the past to know that personal connections can be the difference between a mission failing and succeeding – in the positive sense."

"Oh," I thought about that for a moment. "Well I hope there's enough detail in the mission reports for you to be confident I can handle it without jeopardising anything."

"I'm sure there is," Colonel Carter said reassuringly.

"John told me what you said about a mission to rescue Doctor Weir," I changed the subject abruptly.

"Are you going to try to change my mind?" Colonel Carter asked almost curiously.

"No," I replied simply. "I wanted to say thank you for giving us some hope that if the right set of circumstances occur you won't just say no without considering it."

"As I said to Colonel Sheppard, I don't like leaving people behind," Carter explained. "If we get the chance to find out what happened to Doctor Weir without risking the city or our personnel, we'll take it."

"It must be difficult to take over a leadership because the previous occupant is missing in action," I began. "But it's also tough for us to have to accept a new leader when we still feel so unsure about what happened to the last one. I was prepared to like you _just_ because Daniel speaks highly of you and I respect him," I smiled as I admitted that, "but the way you handled Ronon wanting to leave, and the mission to rescue everyone ... well, I already have hope it won't always just be about that."

"I could say the same for you, only it was General O'Neill doing the speaking," Colonel Carter smiled back. "I understand the issues with Doctor Weir and I'll try to give everyone the time they need to adjust, but at the end of the day I'm here in charge of this city and I intend to give that the best I've got."

"If half of what Daniel's told me about SG1 is true then we're lucky to have you instead of some starched suit from the IOA," I replied.

"Ah," Carter laughed. "I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not."

"Definitely a compliment," I replied, turning to leave. I stopped, and turned back to add "Welcome to Atlantis Colonel Carter." It had to be said, no matter how reluctant I felt over letting go of my hope.

"Thank you," Carter turned back to her view of the ocean as I walked away.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 17_


	22. It was just a dream right?

**Chapter 17: It was just a dream ... right?**

It's interesting how things can continue as normal even amidst big changes ... kind of like the death of someone you rarely see. If you don't think about it too hard you can almost believe they're still there.

Being in contact with the leader of Atlantis had never been a daily occurrence for me and I found in the weeks after Colonel Carter took over that I could almost get to that stage – pretending it was Elizabeth still up in that office instead. The mission to rescue John and the others, discovering Ronon's friends had betrayed him ... my interactions with Colonel Carter during all of that had been like an aberation and I quickly went back to the routine of only reporting direct to the leader when I had to.

John let me get away with it for a couple of weeks before he called me up on it.

"You'll have to talk to her eventually," he pointed out one lunch time when I'd declined being included in a progress meeting about Rodney's work. Since my own work was part of that I _had_ attended those meetings from time to time in the past.

"Who?" I tried for puzzled confusion but knew I hadn't pulled it off when John looked at me pointedly. "I _have_ ... what about her first few days with Ronon and his buddies?"

"That doesn't count," John returned. "That was all heat of the moment, not day to day."

"I will talk to Colonel Carter," I insisted, "when I have a need."

"She's a good leader Sabina," John said softly. "The past couple of weeks have been difficult and she's copped the flack with a lot of the non military staff over Elizabeth."

"At least I haven't done that," I said a bit defensively. "No point in holding her responsible – she wasn't even here then!"

"But you haven't really welcomed her either," John replied gently. "I can understand why ... more than most people here you _do_ feel responsible for what happened to Elizabeth."

"I _did_ welcome her," I pointed out, "but now ... I don't know what to say," I admitted uncomfortably. "She outranks you, she's really smart and impressively skilled not to mention beautiful. It's a little intimidating – I'm surprised Rodney's handling it so well, given she could give him a run for his money in his own job."

"I think if you talk to her you'll see you've got more in common than you realised," John suggested. "I'm not gonna say more ... just ... can you spend some time with her, look for some common ground?"

"Not to make it easier for her," I said honestly, "but for you, sure I can do that."

"Thank you," John stood up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Want to change your mind about that meeting?"

"Not this time," I shook my head, adding when John looked a little disappointed. "I promised Radek I'd look at something for him ... I'll join in – next time."

Nodding at that, John gave me a smile and a quick wave before heading off.

I thought about it over the following days, particularly that conversation I'd had on the balcony and how Colonel Carter had seemed to empathise more than I would have suspected. John had never worked at the SGC so I decided to talk to Major Lorne, see if he could add any insight.

"You knew Colonel Carter back on Earth?" I asked him. We were walking back to the Stargate after a routine check in with an off world trading partner. Brown and Parker were walking some distance ahead and I hoped Evan would confide in me – if there was something to confide.

"Yeah," he glanced at me with a frown. "Why?"

"John asked me to look for something in common with the Colonel," I admitted awkwardly. "You know – to make accepting she's the new leader a bit easier."

"Ah," Evan nodded with an amused smile. "I can see where he was going with that."

"Are you gonna enlighten me?" I asked irritably.

"I can't say too much," Evan began seriously, "and this is all unconfirmed rumour but ... if it's true then there's a very good reason Colonel Carter would empathise with your position being on a mission with someone you love."

"She was in love with someone back at the SGC?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Who?"

"Doesn't really matter," Evan pointed out. "If she wants to share that level of detail with you she can make that decision, but it's not for me to say."

"It makes sense," I said thoughtfully. John was right – if Sam had been in a situation of having what could have seemed like conflicting priorities she _would_ understand how I felt when John needed help and I wanted to be there.

"Don't talk to anyone about this," Evan cautioned me seriously. "There are rules about this kind of thing ... she could get into a heap of trouble if the wrong people pay too much attention."

"Oh," that brought me up short. If the rumours were true then along with what Evan had just said the only conclusion I could make was that Sam's 'love' was military too.

It was hard enough without those rules and it raised my compassion for her situation along with my admiration. John had been right ... it _was_ the common ground I'd needed to see Colonel Carter as a person instead of just as a replacement for Elizabeth and I resolved to begin building some kind of relationship around it.

oOo

"What'd you do to yourself _this_ time?" I greeted John as I walked hurriedly into the infirmary a week or so later. Teyla had radioed me when they'd returned from M3X-387 because John had taken some kind of energy hit during the mission.

"Nothing," John insisted. "Just a mild shock ... hardly worth mentioning!"

"A shock that winded you _and_ knocked you to the ground," Teyla added, turning to me to explain. "Rodney believes the planet has a power source within the crystals that grow on the trees. One of them began to glow at our approach. When John touched it the power was released and the crystal stopped glowing."

"You _touched_ it?" I looked at John incredulously. "After telling me repeatedly not to touch anything without Rodney's approval?!"

"As I already told McKay, I don't know why I did that," John explained, his look of confusion giving real weight to his statement.

"Did something make you _want_ to touch it?" I asked in concern. Before John could answer Doctor Keller walked around the corner with a pleased smile on her face..

"All your scans are clear. Blood tests are normal. As far as I can tell, you're in perfect health," she reported.

"See? I told you," John said smugly to Teyla. Turning to Jennifer he added "Thanks, Doc."

"No more touching strange things," Doctor Keller ordered with a stern look.

"That's good advice," John quipped. Doctor Keller smiled again before heading back towards her office.

"I will leave you to go and get some rest," Teyla said graciously as I offered John a hand to get up off the infirmary bed.

"See you tomorrow Teyla," John replied, grabbing my hand and making me tingle as he pulled me sharply into him.

"Okay, enough of that," I laughed as John put on the puppy dog look that always seemed to serve him so well. Leaning down I kissed him quickly before breaking away. I could see him considering his next move before a huge yawn overtook him. "Time for some sleep Colonel," I announced firmly.

"I _am_ exhausted," John admitted, letting me lead him from the infirmary. "It was a long day."

"Are you sure it's just that?" I looked at him worriedly as we strolled down the corridor hand in hand.

"I'm fine," John insisted.

Even though my day had been much easier than his I must have picked up on some of his tiredness because I found myself more than ready to sleep once we were back in our quarters. Mumbling a weary goodnight once I'd done all the usual pre bed stuff I let myself fall into sleep only moments after my head hit the pillow.

oOo

I opened my eyes what seemed like only seconds later, frowning up at a ceiling that was vaguely familiar and yet not what I had expected. Attempting to sit up the strangeness factor rose sharply when I realised I couldn't move. My arms were strapped down - that's when my heart rate picked up as I glanced from side to side and worked out where I was. Back in Walker's sicko lab ... back on that cold metal examination table.

"Help!" I called out, pulling against the restraints even though I knew from experience that they wouldn't budge.

"Ah, Ms Scott," Walker's slimy voice grated over my nerves like nails on a blackboard. "Awake at last. That was some dream."

"No," I protested weakly. "This isn't real - John came and rescued me!"

"Why would I want to rescue you?" John himself strolled into view, sharing an amused smile with Walker. "You're worth much more to me like this than you ever were as a girlfriend."

"Not girlfriend! _Wife!_" I shouted. "I don't know what this is but I know what happened - you can't convince me otherwise."

"It appears that my serum has an unexpected side effect," Walker commented to John like they were partners, friends even. John walked closer, looking at me with a sad condescending expression.

"Delusions, hallucinations," John ticked off each term by flicking my face with his index finger ... hard. I flinched at each hit as he continued to speak. "Detachment from reality. Perhaps we need to try the serum again ... see if we can't perfect its performance."

"A man after my own heart," Walker laughed evilly, an enormous syringe suddenly appearing in his hand.

"The others will come for me," I insisted confidently.

"You mean us?" Rodney appeared in front of me, asking his question with a detached, academic curiosity. "Why would we do that?"

"Wouldn't want to risk valuable lives just for you," Ronon took Rodney's place between one blink and the next.

"Our team is already complete," Teyla, predictably was next. "There is no room for you between us."

"This is insane," I started crying in frustration as I tried to wake myself up from what I was sure was a dream, without success.

"Time for that injection," John's expression had everything in me freezing in panic. He looked at me with dark intent, his expression blank and yet at the same time I could see enjoyment sitting at the back of everything else.

"Don't do this," I sobbed. "John, _please_ stop this."

"No reason to," John commented, leaning in close to whisper in my ear. "You're expendable ... once we have what we need from you. A pity ... you really do incite some ... lustful urges." And then he licked the side of my face ... rather than being arousing it was sickening, making the bile rise up into my throat.

"Oh God," I swallowed hard, turning my head away, still straining to get free.

"This won't hurt a bit," John rose, back with the syringe poised. "It'll hurt _a lot_ ... each time more than the last. It's quite remarkable actually. Say goodbye Sabina."

The moment the needle tip touched my skin I felt the fire raging, consuming everything almost instantly. Screaming in pain, I struggled to get away, to break free.

"_SABINA!_" John was holding me tightly to his chest, yelling to try and wake me up.

"_Let me go!_" I yelled back, scrambling from the bed as soon as I was free and hurrying into the bathroom - all the while avoiding looking at John. As soon as I'd made it in there I deliberately mentally locked the door so he couldn't follow me, slumping to sit on the floor, shaking slightly. I knew it wasn't him in my dream but still I needed a few moments to clear my mind. Unlike other nightmares that faded as soon as they were done this one felt too real ... real enough that I was checking my arm for needle marks even though I knew there wouldn't be any.

"Sabina?" John called from the other side of the door. "You okay?"

"Um," I got up, still shaky and moved over to the mirror. "Just give me a few minutes okay."

John must have moved away and I slumped down over my arms, holding onto the sink as I continued to shiver in reaction. The quick glance I gave myself wasn't reassuring – I looked pale and my face was actually dotted with visible beads of sweat. All this, over a dream? Splashing water on my face and brushing my hair took a few minutes and yet I still felt unsettled deep inside. Knowing I couldn't avoid John any longer I concentrated on a few deep calming breaths before opening the door.

"What was all that about?" John asked as soon as I reappeared.

"Nightmare," I said simply, climbing back into the bed and turning away as I curled up on my side.

"About what happened back on Earth?" John persisted, putting a hand on my shoulder and almost certainly _not_ missing my instinctive flinch. Sighing I turned over to face him, not surprised to see the puzzled and edging on hurt look sweep over his face.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "That was just the most ... bizarre dream I've ever had."

"How so?" John sat next to me, carefully not touching me but close enough that I could have touched him if I wanted to.

"You were in it," I admitted. "Only it wasn't you ... it was like the evil twin version of you."

"Tell me what happened," John practically ordered, and I did, leaving nothing out until finally I ran out of words.

"See - bizarre," I finished, watching John's expression as he thought about it. "I don't think you'll be able to put a logical interpretation on that one."

"Probably not," John reached for me again and this time, thankfully for both of us, I didn't feel that uncontrollable urge to avoid contact. Both of us relaxed at that, John sliding back down to lie on the bed beside me and pulling me into our comforting spooned embrace.

"Sorry I flinched away from you," I said softly, holding onto the arm he had around me.

"Don't worry about it," John replied. "It was just a dream ... right?"

"Just a dream," I agreed, closing my eyes and thinking sleep.

oOo

It was no use. I'd tried to get back to sleep for what felt like hours but I just couldn't relax enough ... I felt almost afraid to sleep just in case I had another 'horrible John' dream. Slipping quietly from the bed I stood gazing down at John's sleeping form for a few moments. As usual he had his face buried in his pillow, hair sticking up messily making him look more little boy than grown man. Smiling at the picture I sneaked around the room, getting dressed and carrying my shoes out into the corridor. Perhaps a run would tire me out enough that I could finally get some sleep.

"Sabina?" I turned a corner and almost ran over Teyla coming in the opposite direction.

"Teyla!" I grabbed at her arm, stopping us both from toppling over. "Sorry! I wasn't paying attention ... didn't expect anyone to be around at this time of night."

"I missed dinner and awoke too hungry to ignore it until morning," Teyla admitted with a rueful laugh. "Why are you up so late? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," I grimaced before admitting why I was up. "I had a ... disturbing nightmare ... couldn't get back to sleep."

"Perhaps John being injured on the mission troubled you more than you would admit," Teyla suggested.

"Maybe," I agreed uncertainly. "It was pretty minor in the whole scheme of things though."

"Yes, but this is the first mission he's been injured on since the two of you were married," Teyla pointed out with a smile.

"True," I raised an eyebrow because that hadn't occurred to me. "I guess that _might_ make a difference." Realising that I actually did feel better after talking to her I smiled gratefully. "Thanks Teyla."

"You are most welcome Sabina," Teyla replied. We'd been walking side by side until we came to a junction ... Teyla headed off to her room and I walked slowly back to mine.

John was still sleeping when I slipped quietly back into the bed. Turning over to face him I lay for a time just watching him. Somewhere in the midst of that I fell asleep.

oOo

When I arrived at the commissary early the next morning I spotted Teyla sitting at a table with Rodney and Ronon on the outdoor balcony overlooking the ocean.

"Hey guys," I carried a tray over and sat down in the remaining empty seat. Silence greeted me. Looking up I frowned when I realised their conversation had stopped abruptly at my presence. "Ah ... it _is_ okay to join you right?"

"Of course Sabina," Teyla said. "I was just telling Rodney and Ronon about a dream I had last night.

"You too huh?" I said in surprise.

"You had a nightmare as well?" Rodney asked curiously.

"Yeah, early in the night," I admitted. "I bumped into Teyla trying to run myself back into tiredness. What was your dream about?"

"Many things," Teyla said evasively. "I cannot even _begin_ to tell you how bizarre it was."

"Please, you want bizarre? Let me tell you -," Rodney began.

"You know what? Don't," Ronon interrupted with a long suffering expression.

John chose that moment to arrive, bringing his tray over and pulling up another chair so he could sit beside me.

"Morning," he said, putting a hand on my leg and looking at me closely, probably trying to work out if I was all right after the previous nights little adventure.

"Morning," I returned, once again noticing the unusual behaviour of the others. Teyla was shifting uncomfortably in her chair and Rodney and Ronon were watching her much too closely. John noticed it too, a puzzled look briefly flitting over his face.

"What?" he demanded.

"Teyla had a dream about you last night," Rodney announced.

"Rodney," Teyla glared at him in annoyance.

"You never said John was in it," I frowned in confusion, feeling that sinking stomach sensation at the coincidence.

"Really?!" John looked across at me before turning back to Teyla. "What was it about?"

"Actually, it was more of a nightmare and I would rather not talk about it," Teyla said dismissively.

"Did I try to save you from a big bad monster?" John tried to joke.

"Actually, you _were_ the big bad monster," Ronon said with a slightly amused look.

"Really?" John said again, his expression telling me he hadn't missed the coincidence either.

"Like I said," Teyla stood up abruptly, "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Teyla, are you okay?" I asked in concern.

"I'm sorry," Teyla apologised. "I have a headache. I did not sleep well last night." Not waiting for any of us to make further comments she turned and walked away.

"That was odd," John commented to me. "I feel kind of responsible ... not that I can control what people dream."

"Really? You think you can't control a person's dreams?" Rodney demanded. "My father read me Moby Dick when I was seven years old. I mean, seriously, what was the man thinking? Do you have any idea how long I had nightmares about being eaten by a whale?"

Ronon glanced at the two of us before looking back to Rodney pointedly. "They haven't stopped, have they?" he asked.

"No," Rodney admitted sadly.

**Author's Note:**

Ah - Doppleganger ... gotta love it! Just a quick note re posting ... with the kids at school weekends are even busier than usual now, so I'll state up front that weekend posts are probably going to be a rarity ... that way if I do one it'll be a bonus! Thanks to everyone reading this ... hope you're enjoying it.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 18_


	23. He’s not gonna shoot me, are you Major?

**Chapter 18: He's not gonna shoot me, are you Major?**

I let the breakfast dream banter continue on around me as I thought about what Teyla _hadn't_ said. When Rodney and Ronon got up to leave I held John back, wanting to talk without the others overhearing.

"Does this seem a little too coincidental to you?" I asked worriedly.

"The dreams?" John clarified.

"Not just dreams John," I insisted. "First I have a very detailed nightmare involving you as the villain. I didn't get a chance to tell you that I couldn't sleep afterwards so I went for a run ... and bumped into Teyla. She must have gone from there to bed and had her own scary dream, again involving _you_ as the villain."

"That does sound a bit out there," John admitted. "But like I said, I'm not in control of what people dream."

"I know," I put a hand over his reassuringly, "and so does Teyla. Still, surely there's something to explain it."

"Maybe you should talk to Doctor Heightmeyer," John suggested reluctantly.

"Let's hold off for now," I decided, not wanting to make more of it than the situation warranted. "Maybe I set Teyla off telling her about my dream."

"Maybe," John agreed, less than confidently.

oOo

"Now Keller's acting strange," John complained to me, returning late to our quarters from sparring with Ronon.

"You saw Doctor Keller?" I asked curiously, pushing aside the laptop I'd been tapping away at and straightening up in the bed..

"Yeah, I got in a lucky shot," John admitted. "Cut Ronon's forehead bad enough to need stitches. Keller looked distracted ... practically glared at me when we told her what happened."

"Maybe she was just mad she had to fix Ronon up after yet another sparring incident?" I suggested.

"Maybe," John agreed, moving over to sit beside me. "But you know those instincts I get sometimes? Well, they're starting to kick in big time."

"You think she had one of these dreams too?" I asked worriedly.

"I don't _want_ to think that," John admitted with a frown, "but ... there was just something in the way she looked at me. She was ... she looked scared of me Sabina."

"_John_," I put a hand on his arm in comfort, "Jennifer _knows_ you ... she might have been scared by the experience, but she'd _never_ be scared of you personally!"

"Yeah, well you didn't see her expression when she looked at me," John refused to be reassured.

"What should we do about it then?" I demanded impatiently ... not that I was impatient with John, just with the mystery that continued to unfold negatively around him.

"Nothing," John replied grimly. "I am _not_ going in to Carter complaining that people are dreaming about me and acting strange!"

"Yeah I can see why you wouldn't want to do that," I agreed reluctantly.

"Just ... let me know if you hear anything else that's outside of normal," John asked. "We'll work out something ... if we have to."

"Okay," I replied reluctantly, unhappy with the whole situation and the fact that John was clearly uncomfortable and maybe even a little hurt over how Teyla and Jennifer were behaving towards him.

oOo

Like any situation on Atlantis, things were bound to get a lot worse before they got better. I was walking with John to the Commissary the next morning when we were literally accosted by Major Lorne – barefoot and out of uniform and behaving very strangely.

"Step away from him Sabina," Lorne said urgently, motioning with his hand for me to come to him. "He's not Colonel Sheppard."

"What are you talking about Major?" I took a step forward, stopping abruptly when he pointed his gun at John. It was a wide section of the corridor and we already had quite a few people frozen in place watching the drama unfold.

"Security detail to section 5," John tapped his earpiece and requested in a low voice, keeping his eyes watchfully on Evan the whole time and his hands fully visible.

"He's a Replicator!" Lorne yelled. "I don't know when they made the switch, I just know that's not Sheppard."

"Don't be ridiculous," I almost laughed. "You know I can detect Ancient genes right?" Lorne nodded, watching me carefully, gun still waving menacingly in front of John. "Well then I can tell you one hundred percent that this _is_ Colonel Sheppard." Proving my point I put a hand on John's arm, smiling as I registered the familiar jolt. "Yep – definitely Ancient genes present."

"Then they've found a way to replicate that too," Lorne insisted. "Now step aside! Someone get me an ARG – then I can prove it to you."

John's call to security was answered quickly, a team of Marines arriving at that moment and surrounding us, guns pointed at Major Lorne. Obviously if he made too threatening a move towards John they were going to shoot him to stop anything from happening. This was really, really bad!

"Evan -," I began, stepping forward again and trying to make a personal connection. I was taking it seriously now, quaking inside because clearly something was very wrong with my team leader.

"Sabina," John put a hand on my shoulder, cautioning me not to get too close.

"John, it's _Evan_," I pointed out incredulously. "He's not gonna shoot me, are you Major?"

"Ah," Major Lorne frowned in confusion momentarily before his face got that same resolute expression he'd been wearing the whole time. "Just let me prove it to you and no one will have to get shot."

"Just put down the gun, Major," John held his hands up in an open way, taking a step closer to Lorne himself. "Let's talk this out."

"Someone get an ARG now!" Lorne turned to the Marines pleadingly. "Shoot him with it!"

Teyla and Kate Heightmeyer arrived next, Kate looking at Evan carefully as if she could diagnose what was making him like that just with a glance.

"Major, talk to me," she invited in that soft soothing voice no one would ever consider threatening. "Tell me what's going on."

"Just do it!" Lorne insisted, starting to get aggitated. "OK, wh-wh-what's the harm? I-I-If he's human, it won't hurt him, right?"

"John, what is he talking about?" Teyla asked, keeping her eyes on Major Lorne the whole time.

"Don't talk to him!" Lorne commanded her. "Colonel Sheppard is a Replicator."

Teyla and Kate looked at John as though they were actually considering whether that could be true or not. Major Lorne was still aiming his pistol at John with a look that said he was actually scared of him.

"John's _not_ a Replicator!" I told the others insistently. "Replicators can't manufacture the presence of Ancient genes. I just checked and John definitely still has his. I tried to tell the Major that but he doesn't seem to be listening."

"Look, Lorne, I don't know what's gotten into you ..." John tried again to talk Major Lorne down.

"Me?!" Lorne asked in disbelief. "No-no-no-no-no, it's not me."

Before any of us could respond to that Colonel Carter and Doctor Keller arrived to join the sideshow we had going, Carter taking command of the situation immediately.

"Major. How 'bout you lower your weapon?" she asked in a pleasant friendly tone.

"He's a Replicator!" Lorne insisted again. When Carter looked at him in confusion Evan started to get frustrated. "What, you don't believe me?" And then he cocked his pistol. "OK, I'll shoot him, you'll see."

"No!" I stepped between John and Evan determinedly. "You won't be shooting _anyone_ because I already told you John _isn't_ a Replicator."

"Sabina!" John put a hand on my shoulder, trying to move me aside but I dug my heels in, stubbornly deciding I'd maintain my position no matter what. "Move aside!" he ordered grimly, still trying to shift me.

"_No_," I returned stubbornly. "Evan doesn't have a problem with me ... but clearly he does with _you_. I'm not gonna stand aside so he can _shoot_ you!"

John was forced to concede for the moment or subject the two of us to a public shoving match ... practically growling in my ear in frustration he kept his hands on my shoulders, squeezing firmly as he speared Evan with a fierce look.

"You shoot me, maybe I forgive you," John told Major Lorne in a low tone. "You shoot Sabina and there'll be nowhere in this galaxy or back on Earth remote enough for you to hide."

"John!' I admonished, turning to glare at him before I looked back to Major Lorne. "Evan," I tried again. "You have to trust me .... John's not a replicator ... I can prove it to you ... _without_ having to shoot anyone ... just let me help you."

Evan looked torn, frowning in confusion as what I was saying didn't jell with his own perceptions. Maybe I was getting through to him, maybe not ... the fact that he kept his gun pointed firmly in John's direction suggested the later.

"Call for an A.R.G," Colonel Carter told one of the marines. When I registered what her words were implying it brought me up short ... how could she think there was any truth to what the Major was saying?

"You're not seriously buying into this are you?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course not," Colonel Carter said quietly, "but it won't hurt John and it might help Lorne to lower his gun."

"You're one of them too," Lorne accused, obviously not liking what her comment implied. Pointing his gun at Carter too he turned towards the marines again. "Well, don't just stand there! Shoot them! Shoot both of them!"

Lorne was getting desperate now, edgy and frustrated because he couldn't get us to do what seemed to make perfect sense to him. When he turned his pistol back to John this time I was convinced he really would fire, even if he had to go through me first. Thankfully I didn't have to find out if I was right – the red glow of Ronon's stunner arced from the balcony above us, hitting Lorne squarely in the chest and dropping him to the floor.

The Marines converged on the unconscious Major Lorne, quickly taking his gun and then checking to make sure he was really out for the count. Doctor Keller had obviously already called for a med team because they arrived soon after Lorne had been stunned and were already loading him up on a gurney.

Teyla took an ARG from the returning Marine, motioning towards John and Colonel Carter but not actually pointing it at them. "I take it I don't have to shoot either of you with this?" She asked with a raised brow.

"I know it's not supposed to hurt but I'd rather not find out one way or the other," John said with just a hint of pleading in his voice.

"Of course," Teyla smiled, letting us know she really hadn't intended to use the weapon.

"This is too much of a coincidence," Doctor Keller said worriedly.

"What is?" Ronon made it down from the upper level, completing the impromptu meeting in the corridor.

"The similarity between these incidents," Keller replied. "Admittedly they were all nightmares prior to Major Lorne but the general pattern is the same. All of them featured Colonel Sheppard as a significant negative presence. And then there's the sequence this has been taking. Ronon, did you come into physical contact with Major Lorne after I stitched you up last night?"

"Ah, I guess," Ronon said uncertainly. "I bumped into him in the hallway on my way back to quarters."

"So it was Teyla first, then me, then Ronon, and now Major Lorne," Doctor Keller continued. "We've all had disturbing dreams featuring Colonel Sheppard." It was the first John or I knew about Ronon having had a nightmare too ... we hadn't spent that much time with him that day - not enough to notice if he'd treated John any differently.

"Ah, actually it was me first," I spoke up reluctantly when John raised an eyebrow, letting me know he expected me to own up to that. "I had a nightmare the night John's team came back from M3X-387. I ran into Teyla in the corridor a couple of hours later. I didn't think anything of it because it was just a nightmare ... and ah ... maybe not exactly unexpected."

"But John was not himself inside your dream?" Teyla sought to clarify what had happened.

"No," I agreed. "And the feel of the dream was very strange ... like it wasn't really a dream at all. Usually I get the sense that my subconscious is in control and I can take the dream wherever I want – this time it felt like nothing was in my control, like the whole thing was being forced on me."

"_Exactly_," Teyla agreed. "That is the feeling I had as well. I believe that is what made the dream so disturbing."

Kate Heightmeyer had been silent during the entire exchange, something I'd noticed previously that she did a lot. Maybe it was an occupational hazard – the need to observe people without influencing them.

"For now I suggest we talk with Major Lorne because his experience was different from the others," she suggested. "Ronon, how long does it take to recover from a stun blast like that?"

"I had it on the lowest setting," Ronon replied. "He could be waking up right now."

"Observation room?" Colonel Carter suggested to everyone, getting nods and sounds of ascent in reply.

John held me back as the others moved away, his hands still on my shoulders as he leaned down to speak close to my ear. "The next time I order you to step aside in a situation like that you do it, no argument."

Turning so I could look into John's eyes I smiled, watching the puzzled frown appear because my reaction wasn't what he'd expected. "There will _never_ be a time when I step aside and just watch you get shot," I said firmly. "Now ... since you're officially _stuck_ with me you'll just have to find a way to deal with that." Leaning up, I placed a quick kiss on his cheek and then turned to follow the others to the Observation Room.

I hadn't actually been specifically invited but this thing was affecting me too, not just because I'd had the first dream, but because I could see how much this was bothering John, regardless of the bland face he was putting on. No one wanted to be the evil presence in someone's dreams, made much worse by the fact that people's feelings from inside the dreams were being carried over into waking life.

In the Isolation Room, Major Lorne was sitting at a small table looking lost and then relieved as John filled him in on what had happened. Turns out he _had_ been sleepwalking, making this another nightmare just like all the others.

"And you don't remember anything?" Kate asked.

"No," Lorne said with some embarrassment. "Honestly, I haven't had a sleepwalking incident since I was, like, ten."

"It's quite common for someone suffering from somnambulism to perform complex activities in their sleep and remember nothing upon waking," Kate told us.

"And you think this has something to do with the crystal I touched?" John asked Doctor Keller uncertainly.

"That's when it seemed to start," Jennifer pointed out. "And it's you, _your_ image that's appearing in all these dreams."

"Well, I can't control that!" John let some of his frustration show.

"No, but maybe something is," Colonel Carter mused.

"What, you think someone's impersonating me in everyone's dreams?!," John shook his head in disbelief at that idea.

"Look, I've seen more than my share of alien entities that are capable of this," Colonel Carter explained. "Colonel O'Neill was once knocked unconscious by an energy being that lived in crystal form. It took on his appearance for a while."

"Yeah well I'm one hundred percent me," John quipped, "Jennifer can run a whole bunch of tests if you have any doubts."

"That won't be necessary Colonel," Carter replied. "We would have known as soon as you returned from M3X-387 if you weren't yourself."

"But what would be the _point_?" John cut to the bottom line impatiently. "What could this thing hope to gain from running around being me in everyone's dreams?"

"Maybe it's feeding on our fear," Jennifer suggested thoughtfully.

"That's actually not that big a leap," Colonel Carter replied. "It's just we don't have any proof."

"And how come I haven't had any dreams?" John asked suddenly. "I'm the one who touched the crystal."

"Because it's impersonating you - it _can't_ appear in your dreams because _you'd_ know it wasn't really you," I said weakly, realising all at once that an actual entity really was responsible. That was a scary thought because how did you combat something that you could only interact with in dreams?

"Whatever's doing this imprinted your image onto itself," Kate agreed.

"And then it transfers itself to the next person by touch," Jennifer concluded.

"OK, anyone who's had contact with Major Lorne since the incident needs to be isolated," Colonel Carter said briskly. "If this is some sort of alien influence, we have to find a way to detect it."

Her words sparked a flurry of activity - Teyla, Ronon and John going to track down people Major Lorne might have spoken to since the previous evening, Colonel Carter, Jennifer and Kate following up the tracking option. I remained standing at the glass for a moment, looking down at Major Lorne still stilling at the table looking troubled. Lifting a hand when he glanced up, I smiled and waved.

"You okay?" I asked through the intercom.

"I just held a gun on my commanding officer," Evan pointed out grimly "so I'd have to say no!"

"Wasn't your fault," I told him firmly. "John knows that. When they release you, talk to him - see for yourself."

"How's _he_ doing?" Evan asked in concern.

"Being the villan might sound like fun in a comic book, but in real life it's pretty disturbing," I went for the implied response, knowing Evan would be able to work out the implications.

"Yeah, well tell him I've got his back," Lorne returned. "Just as soon as they let me out of here."

"Thanks Evan," I smiled gratefully because with those words alone he'd made it clear he at least _wouldn't_ be treating John any differently. "I better go ... see what the plan is ... if there _is_ one." Lifting a hand to wave at Major Lorne again I turned and headed off to find John.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 19_


	24. I appreciate that Colonel

**Chapter 19: I appreciate that Colonel**

A short time later everyone gathered in the main Conference Room for another meeting to discuss what to do next. Gate travel had been restricted to necessity only and anyone already off world had been told to hang tight until we'd resolved the current problem. The biggest issue was clearly how to detect the entity. Colonel Carter decided the only way to work that out was to collect more information about the crystal ... by going back to the planet. I initially thought I'd like to go along to help but found myself roped in to talking with Doctor Heightmeyer instead. She was hoping that I'd be able to give her more insight into the entity because I was closest to John and presumably more able to talk about all those aspects of the nightmare John that were out of character. So John and the others went to M3X-387 and I found myself sitting nervously in Kate's cosy little office.

"You know I hate all this right?" I started out honestly.

"The number of times you've been in my office over the past three years was a bit of a clue," Kate said without offence.

"Oh – sorry," I said meekly. "It's not that I discount what you do ... just that it's not for me."

"I admire the level of honestly in your relationship with Colonel Sheppard," Kate replied. "It's very clear in how well you cope with situations that could end up causing many problems."

"Um ... thanks," I smiled a bit self consciously. "So how do you want to do this?"

"Just start by describing your dream," Kate suggested, "perhaps highlighting those aspects you feel were most out of character."

"It was _all_ out of character," I said. "The John in my dreams was completely different. He took delight in causing pain – both physical and emotional. His motives were completely opposite too - he said he was in it for the money, didn't see anything wrong in sacrificing one person for that reason alone. And of course he was friendly and patient and almost admiring of Doctor Walker – that's the guy who was holding me back on Earth. My John could barely stand to be in the same room with that guy."

Although I hadn't done any specific sessions with Kate regarding the kidnapping back on Earth she _had_ been informed and briefed about my case via Dr. Lam and had previously reassured me that if I needed to talk she was aware of the practical aspects of my experience.

"Which suggests the entity is seeking a particular response, using specific hooks to draw the victim in," Kate suggested.

"I got the sense I was definitely being manipulated within my dream," I agreed. "Like I said before, I knew during the whole thing it was a dream and I actively tried to end it which I usually can for a normal dream. Whatever that thing was, it was able to hold on to me until John shook me out of it. How do we fight something like that?"

"I don't know," Kate admitted. "If we can find a way to communicate with it perhaps we can try reason."

"That seems unlikely to me," I grimaced at having to recall so vividly a dream I'd hoped to just forget. "There was enjoyment there too – this thing _likes_ provoking these negative reactions from us. It's not all about need."

"Then we'll have to work out what else drives it," Kate said firmly. "Thank you for sharing your experience Sabina. I understand how difficult this is for you, more so that the others because it's not just your friend being manifest in such a negative way, it's your husband."

I actually smiled happily at her referring to John as my _husband_ ... even in the midst of all this I wasn't over the newness and just plain giddy delight of being entitled to claim that title.

"I never congratulated you on your marriage," Kate smiled, obviously working out where the silly grin had come from.

"We had more than enough of that the first couple of days back," I said with a laugh. "But thanks for the thought."

"Let me know if you think of anything else relevant to the situation," Kate got up to see me out.

"Will do," I replied. "Thanks Doctor Heightmeyer."

oOo

The teams returned to Atlantis a short while later with both active and inert specimens of the crystals in hand. John had been closed mouthed about his feelings while on M3X-387, commenting only on the planet's 'decor' being just as wierd the second time. Since he wasn't being forthcoming with information I decided to head straight to the source.

"Is this them?" I moved a bit closer to the containments chambers in Rodney's lab, curious to see what had already caused us so much trouble. Inside was what looked like simple quartz like crystal formations, one glowing softly with yellow white light. "They don't look like much."

"Yeah well we know they pack a punch when touched so keep well clear," Rodney grumbled, fully engaged in analysis mode.

"Doctor Keller was just in here," Radek offered. "Something about the crystal's output had her almost touching it without conscious thought. We think it uses this method of mesmerising to lure it's victims in."

"Just like with John," I smiled, knowing John would be happy to be off the hook about touching things he shouldn't have. "Have you worked out how to track it yet?"

"No," Rodney said irritably. "Perhaps without all the tourist traffic we could actually make some progress?"

"Sorry," I shared an amused glance with Radek before heading off to find John.

oOo

"This isn't your fault you know," I sat down next to John, leaning into his side as I turned to face the ocean he was gazing at. It was a nice evening on our balcony and it was usually very relaxing to just sit and take a few minutes of calm.

"I know," John said quietly. "Still don't like the idea of being a sociopath in everyone's heads though."

"Who would?" I quipped, happy to see John smile. "I spoke to Kate."

"Did it help?" John asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "She seemed to think it did, that she understands the motives a bit better. Funnily enough it helped me too – talking about how different the John in my dreams was from you got rid of those last lingering edge of my head nerves. Not about there being any link to you personally ... just the echo of seeing something disturbing revisiting when you least expect it."

"I wish everyone else felt the same," John admitted.

"Did Evan catch up with you?" I asked curiously.

"He did," John nodded, glancing at me with a knowing smile, "and _yes_, he made a point of telling me he's very capable of distinguishing the real me from a dream. Followed it up by honestly treating me the same as always."

"There you go then," I said easily, happy that Evan had come through and backed John up just like he'd promised.

"The worse bit for me is that you've all got a whole sequence of events 'I' was in and yet I know practically nothing about most of them," John pointed out. "I'm being looked at differently because of things 'I' did, but _I_ don't even know what they are."

"That _would_ be frustrating," I agreed, "but I don't know - do you really want to know the details? If the other dreams were anything like mine you might be better off _not_ knowing."

"If it's affecting the way people behave ... if it changes how they react to things then I need to know," John replied.

"But not tonight," I said firmly, loathe to have him setting out to grill Teyla, Ronon and the others on the specifics of the 'evil' John. "Why don't we take a walk, clear our heads?"

"Can we just stay here instead?" John asked. "I've had enough of being the centre of attention for one day."

"Of course," I agreed, leaning my head on his shoulder and returning my gaze to the ocean.

oOo

The sound of the door alarm chiming interrupted one of our rare late morning starts the next day. John jumped out of bed, pulling a t-shirt on to go with his track pants as he headed for the door.

"Colonel Carter?" John motioned for her to enter.

"Sorry to disturb you Colonel, Sabina," Carter replied. Her tone was serious and her face sad and I knew immediately we were about to get bad news. "I wanted to let you know immediately that Doctor Heightmeyer was found dead in her quarters a short while ago. It appears that she died in her sleep."

"She had one of the nightmares?" John's face was beyond blank, his tone grim as he sank down to sit on the edge of the bed. I shifted position to kneel behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder in unspoken support.

"We don't know for sure but it seems likely," Carter admitted. "This is not your fault John ... at this point we have no way of even tracking the entity, let alone mounting any defence against it."

"I brought it back here and it's using my face to torment, and now to kill," John pointed out angrily.

"Yeah, after it lured you towards it!" I jumped in to point out. "Radek said it almost did the same to Doctor Keller yesterday."

"Who found Doctor Heightmeyer?" John asked reluctantly.

"Teyla," Carter said sadly. "She had an early appointment with Kate and became worried when she didn't show up." John looked away without commenting. "We'll have to continue with the full lockdown," Colonel Carter concluded. "I'll be making a citywide announcement soon but I thought you should know as soon as possible."

"I appreciate that Colonel," John replied, moving to see Carter out. Returning to me he threw himself on top of the covers, putting a hand over his eyes.

"John?" I felt bad for a moment that I was more concerned about him than the fact that Kate Heightmeyer was dead. His pain was immediate – my need to help him also immediate. There'd be time later to contemplate the loss of Kate and what that meant for all of us.

"This whole situation is totally screwed," John ground out angrily. "The one place you might be forgiven for assuming you were safe is in your sleep. How can this thing kill like that?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Rodney will work out how to track it and then we can do something."

"Teyla will be even more uncomfortable around me now," John rolled over and buried his head in the pillow, his voice muffled as he continued. "Maybe I'll just take the day off."

"You will not," I said insistently. "This is not your -,"

"This is Colonel Carter. If I could have your attention please," the beginning of the citywide announcement interrupted me before I could finish. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you that we have lost a valuable member of the expedition today. Doctor Kate Heightmeyer meant a great deal to all of us. Her death is nothing short of tragic. I'm also sorry to have to report that the threat we face is still in our midst and until further notice, the full lockdown protocol will remain in effect. Try to remain calm. We are doing everything we can to ensure everyone's safety and to resolve this situation quickly. Thank you."

"You're right," John got up abruptly and moved towards the door. "I should probably go talk to Teyla, see if she's all right ... that is if she even _wants_ to see me." He swiped a hand over the door panel, freezing when he discovered Teyla standing on the other side.

"I was just about to come and see you ... but I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me," John said uncomfortably.

Without a word Teyla moved forward and put her arms around him and her head on his shoulder. Looking back at me uncertainly John hesitantly put his arms around her and just stood there letting her cry.

I felt a sense of relief that Teyla had come to him, knowing that such an obvious show of friendship would reassure John that the entity _hadn't_ damaged his relationships with his friends by taking on his form.

"I'm sorry about Kate," I said softly once Teyla had calmed and stepped back to look at both of us.

"I do not understand how something that isn't real can kill us," Teyla said thickly.

"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the Control Room," Colonel Carter used the intercom to patch into our room.

"Has something happened?" John asked.

"Radek managed to track the entity within the city," Carter replied.

"And?" John asked grimly.

"It's in Rodney," Carter admitted.

"Crap!" John grabbed up his uniform and disappeared into the bathroom. Two minutes later he was rushing out again. "Teyla – join us when you've had a chance to clean up. Sabina, you too if you want to – if not I'll see you later."

Teyla exchanged a worried glance with me before slowly making her way after John.

Looking at the closed door for a few seconds I finally roused myself and jumped out of bed. If I hurried I could get there _before_ John committed himself to something stupid.

**Author's Note:**

Sorry ... this is another 'nothing' chapter but I had to split it from the next chapter because it was just too long combined together. Hope you enjoyed anyway ... the conclusion to Doppleganger should follow shortly.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 20_


	25. I could really use an advantage here

**Chapter 20: I could really use an advantage here**

I got to Colonel Carter's office just in time to hear the tail end of another 'wacky' John Sheppard plan. Carter had already disappeared and Ronon and Teyla followed as soon as they saw my expression.

"You want to use a piece of Alien technology to talk to Rodney in his sleep?" I asked incredulously.

"Look what that thing did to Doctor Heightmeyer!" John said harshly. "Do you really want to give it time to do something similar to McKay? You know he can only stay awake for so long!"

"Of course not," I retorted. "But I don't want you going into this thinking you have to atone for something."

"I'm not," John insisted. "We'll ask Rodney before we proceed but I'm pretty sure he won't be keen to reveal his nightmares to anyone ... I'm guessing that in the end he'd rather it was me than someone else."

"Okay, fair enough," I agreed reluctantly. "Just ... be careful. This thing has proven it can kill from inside a dream ... and we have no idea how it accomplished that, or whether you can be affected too even if it's not your dream."

"I'm just gonna make sure Rodney knows it's not real," John insisted. "You know - stop him from doing anything stupid, give him some moral support."

"Don't underestimate how disturbing these dreams are John," I said seriously. "Nor how real ... if you really do find yourself inside Rodney's dreams, you may not have as much control over events as you're hoping."

"It has to be done," John was all seriousness too now.

Which is how I found myself standing in front of the observation window a couple of hours later. Below in the isolation room John and Rodney were already stretched out on two adjoining beds while Doctor Keller and Radek made sure the equipment was working.

"Are you sure this is safe?" I asked Colonel Carter, keeping my eyes on the scene below.

"We first encountered the technology ten years ago on a planet where the survivors of a holocaust were living entirely in a virtual world created in their minds" she explained. "Since then, we've managed to modify it for use in the V.R. training of S.G. team members. It only took some minor calibrations to tune it in to subconscious activity."

"So Sheppard is actually gonna see McKay's dreams?" Ronon asked curiously.

"Well, to be honest, the technology is untested for use in this manner," Carter admitted. "Dreams are much more random than conscious thought. It may be difficult for the system to translate what's going on in McKay's brain so that Colonel Sheppard can understand it. I'm just hoping that the two of them will be able to interact somehow."

"Yeah, they usually manage to do that ... somehow," I quipped a bit nervously.

"John will be fine," Teyla told me reassuringly.

"I hope so," I muttered, watching Rodney and John getting themselves set to start.

"We're ready if you are," Doctor Keller announced, getting the nod from both men. "Administering sedative."

Jennifer activated the drip going into Rodney's arm and he seemed to fall asleep almost immediately. Radek then turned on the device that was supposed to link John's mind to Rodney's.

"Nothing's happening here," John said with a frown.

"He's not dreaming yet," Jennifer told him. "Wait for it ...,"

A moment later John closed his eyes, giving every appearance that he was asleep too.

And that's when the frustration started. Because we had _no idea_ what was going on. Rodney was clearly having a nightmare, his body writhing and his expression tormented as he fought whatever was after him. John didn't look scared like Rodney, but he too was obviously experiencing a fair level of stress within Rodney's dream.

"This is insane," I turned away from the window for a moment. But of course I had to turn back ... as if by my watching alone I could stop anything bad from happening to John. It went on for several minutes ... time during which we were in the dark about John's progress in helping Rodney. I'd taken to pacing impatiently in front of the viewing window before any progress was made.

"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

The insistent monotonous tone of Rodney's heart monitor announced that things had gotten beyond grim.

"Oh my God," I muttered sickly, watching the drama unfold around Rodney in stunned disbelief.

Switching my glance quickly to John, I didn't know whether to be relieved or not that he showed no visible reaction to Rodney's plight. He was still asleep even though Rodney was no longer dreaming – surely that couldn't be a good thing.

Doctor Keller moved into action immediately, bringing in the defibrillator and applying the paddles to Rodney's chest. Radek meanwhile was using an airbag to breathe for Rodney, his eyes on the monitors the whole time.

"Stand clear," Jennifer told Radek.

Radek lifted the airbag clear and waited as Jennifer shocked Rodney. They both looked at the heart rate monitor as it started to emit the sound of a heartbeat. Faster than I would have believed possible Rodney opened his eyes and looked around.

"Oh, it's OK, it's OK. Just try to relax," Jennifer put a hand on his arm and reassured him.

"What's going on?" Rodney asked in confusion.

"You were in cardiac arrest," Jennifer told him.

"The entity?" Rodney looked at Radek for the answer to that question.

Radek had been checking the readings on his laptop and now he looked at Rodney with a worried expression. "It's in Colonel Sheppard."

"I'm going down there," the words were out before I had time to think. I don't know who I was directing them at, but Teyla was the one who stepped in front of me to stop my reckless flight down to the isolation room.

"It will not help John for you to put yourself in danger," Teyla said firmly.

I turned back to the observation window uncertainly, looking down with a tormented kind of frustration eating at me. There must be something I could do. John was clearly struggling within his own dreams now, his expression grim and determined.

"His heart rate is dangerously high," Doctor Keller told us.

"Can you wake him up?" Colonel Carter asked.

"I could try," Keller said uncertainly, "but in his physical state, that could make things worse."

"Yes, and the entity would still be in him," Radek added that obvious point.

While they were talking around the issue I stood silently, arms folded into myself as I willed John to come out of it on his own. Instead his heart rate jumped again before settling into a faster beat. This time I didn't announce my intention, rushing out the door and down to the isolation room before anyone could stop me.

I burst into the room just as Rodney sat up with his 'I've worked it out' expression firmly in place.

"Rodney?" I asked, ignoring the way Jennifer tried to stop me getting closer to John.

"You need to hook me up again," Rodney announced. "I know how to convince it to leave John."

"_No_," I said firmly. "Not two minutes ago you were flat lining! Tell me what to do and I'll go in instead. "

"Colonel Carter?" Jennifer looked up to the observation room for some kind of guidance on what to do next.

"You need to send someone who can convince John," I said firmly, looking up at Sam insistently. "He'll know it's me."

"Do it," Colonel Carter ordered after a short pause for thought.

"I was thinking about why the entity left me," Rodney explained as he was shifted out of the way so I could take his place with the device. "The only thing that makes sense is that Jennifer shocked me. The entity must be susceptible to electricity."

"You're suggesting we shock Colonel Sheppard?" Doctor Keller asked worriedly, hooking me up to so she could monitor me too. "That's not exactly without risk Rodney."

"I know," Rodney said weakly. "I'm not suggesting you hit him with a full charge, just enough to convince the entity we mean business – so it'll leave John and go back to its crystal."

"Okay," Jennifer looked at me expectantly. "You ready?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "Send me in."

oOo

It seemed that I closed my eyes for a second before opening them again. I appeared up the stairs looking down on the Gateroom. In front of me stood John ... and John. One was standing menacingly over the other, who was stretched out on the floor, leaning over an arm in exhaustion. I knew immediately which was which.

"Get up. Come on, John. FIGHT!" Alien John jeered.

"No," my John taunted weakly. "That's what you want."

"It's your fault Heightmeyer's dead," Alien John taunted. "Your fault McKay is dead."

"Rodney's not dead," I announced firmly as I walked down the stairs, understanding how the entity was weakening John, the dreams he must have already experienced. He was getting at my John through guilt ... trying to make him believe that somehow this really was all his fault.

It was kind of satisfying the way the alien John glared at me when he realised he no longer had the only ticket to influencing the real John. He stalked forwards, reaching out to grab me. I stepped back, and he advanced. John was trying to pull himself off the floor to help.

"_John_, fighting sticks," I called out urgently, spinning and ducking around the alien so I was now backing back towards my John again.

"What?" John asked in confusion.

"This is _your_ dream," I reminded him, keeping my eyes on the alien version. "You must have some level of control over the environment ... and I could really use an advantage here."

Instantly I feel the comforting weight of the fighting sticks in my hands. Swinging them expertly I smiled at the alien John.

"That's more like it," I announced confidently.

"You can't win," alien John said with certainty as he advanced again.

"Now that's where you're wrong," I replied, stepping away from his intended hit and slamming my sticks across his back. The thought that I was hitting someone who looked almost exactly like John didn't bother to me ... it didn't even really occur to me because the real John was right there too. "Rodney worked it out," I told my John. "He flat lined and Jennifer had to shock him. It's vulnerable to electric shock – that's why Rodney's still alive."

John was weakly standing on his feet now ... both of us looking on as electricity surged through the alien. That's when the whole thing got a bit disturbing – watching a version of John writhing in agony while blue fire travelled over his body.

"What the hell was that?" John demanded when the electricity died away.

"Sorry," I said weakly. "Jennifer had to use the defibrillator on you too ... not a full shock, just enough to get the message across."

Alien John had fallen to his knees, weakened by the electricity. My John strode towards him angrily, grabbing his shirt and lifting him up to standing again. Then he spun the alien in a wide circle, doing a couple of revolutions before he had enough momentum to hurl the alien through the wormhole that had been shimmering in the Stargate the whole time.

"Nice work," I complimented.

"Thanks," John said weakly.

"I'll see you back in the real world," I added just before my eyes closed involuntarily. When I opened them again I was back on the bed in the isolation room, John in the bed beside me.

"Hey," I greeted him with a smile.

"Hey yourself," John returned. "Thanks for the assist."

"You're welcome," I replied. "Thanks for not getting mad I took Rodney's place."

"Even I'm not unreasonable enough to give you grief over something you did in a dream," John retorted.

"Good point," I dropped my head back on the pillow, relieved to finally have gotten rid of John's impersonator.

The side effects from John's dream world were surprisingly few. Within a few minutes we were both up and back to normal, enough that John led the mission back to M3X-387 to return both crystal entities to their own planet. The day ended in the usual way and then it was time for bed.

oOo

"You asleep?" I asked in a low voice, just in case John actually had managed to fall asleep during the hour since we'd turned off the lights.

"No," John admitted, turning to face me as he thought the lights on to low. "Not tired enough."

"Me neither," I agreed. "That alien is gone and it's still ruining our sleep!"

"You did good against it," John pulled me into the circle of his arms.

"It helped that it wasn't my nightmare," I pointed out. "The setting surprised me a bit ... I was expecting somewhere back on Earth I guess."

"Things were happening here because of someone who looked like me," John explained. "The entity was trying to use those feelings of responsibility against me. He had me convinced for just a few moments that Rodney really was dead. Before he couldn't resist showing himself and I knew it was no longer Rodney's dream, that it was _me_ stuck in a dream of my own."

"What were you thinking when you realised I was there?" I asked curiously.

"It was pretty obvious up front that it wasn't part of the dream," John pointed out. "To be honest he'd kicked me around enough I was just glad to have some help. He _did_ get to me ... otherwise he wouldn't have been able to knock me down so easily."

"I'm not so sure about that," I countered. "I tried to get free in my dream but the alien seemed to have some control over what emotions I was feeling. You managed to change something minor to help me because it was focussed on your emotions, not mine."

"I'm just glad I don't have to worry about having a starring role in another nightmare," John sighed sadly, "especially given what happened to Kate."

"She knew it wasn't you," I offered that comfort, believing it to be true. "What happened to her makes it obvious it wasn't just a need to feed off our feelings - those aliens are malevolent in a way I haven't seen before."

"Which is why we aren't going anywhere near them again," John promised.

"So was Rodney's nightmare as bad as he made out?" I asked curiously. "Without telling me the specifics."

"Not really," John laughed. "He did have clowns though."

"Definitely nightmare material," I teased with a feigned shiver.

"And whales," John added.

"Still?" I asked in surprise. "I thought he'd be over that after his experience with his buddy Sam back on Lantea."

"Apparently not," John replied. "Probably because Sam wasn't really a whale."

We lapsed into silence for a while, both of us still unable to settle.

"I'm not gonna be sleeping anytime soon," John finally announced with a resigned sigh. He sat up, looking down at me with a raised brow. "Snack?"

"Why not," I agreed, letting him pull me out of bed.

A few minutes later we were sitting at a balcony table in the Mess with a nice selection of nibbles in front of us. I was laughing at something John had said when a new voice joined us.

"Couldn't sleep," Teyla explained by way of greeting.

"Us too," John gestured for her to join us.

As she was pulling out a chair to sit down Rodney appeared with his own plate of food – considerably larger than ours of course.

"Thought I'd have a little snack before I ...," he commented like it was an every night event for us to be in the Mess after midnight.

"Yeah, we couldn't sleep either," John said just as casually.

It didn't surprise me when Ronon arrived moments later, followed by Doctor Keller. We had an impromptu 'we're not sleeping' party ... a rather fitting end to what had been a disturbing few days.

**Author's Note:**

Apologies for the delayed post ... had an internet slow down which seems to affect things like uploads. Anyway, back to normal now ... just in time for Travellers ... excellent!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 21_


	26. That actually sounds like fun

**Chapter 21: That actually sounds like fun**

"There's a resupply mission heading to M58-099 tomorrow," John told me at breakfast a couple of days later. The Mess Hall was busy as usual, the low hum of conversation lending as much privacy as anyone could expect in the open environment.

"Which one is that again?" I asked curiously.

"Doctor Mackenzie's research station," John clarified. "He's studying the native tribe there. Apparently it's a tropical paradise."

"And you're telling me this because?" I raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Because _someone_ has to take the mission," John pointed out, smiling at me hopefully. "We never did the whole honeymoon thing – and no I'm _not_ counting a few days in Vegas with the rest of my team present! I just thought it might be nice ... we could do the resupply, stay overnight, maybe find a nice spot to kick back for a few hours."

"And Colonel Carter is happy for you to disappear for a couple of days when we only just got back from our last vacation?" I frowned, sure she'd have something to say about that.

"It's a _mission_," John insisted innocently, "just one with ... benefits."

"And what's my role on this mission then?" I knew there'd have to be one for John to get the okay for both of us to go.

"Jumper training," John replied. "You really don't have enough experience with space gates ... this planet's got one so it's the perfect opportunity for you to complete the advanced Jumper flight training module run by your friendly instructor - me! "

"That actually sounds like fun," I smiled, starting to feel excited about the idea. "When do we leave?"

"Leave?" Rodney turned up at that point, sitting down and looking at John curiously. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Re-supply mission to M58-099," John said casually. "Sabina's gonna do some advanced Jumper training as well."

"M58-099?" Rodney raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Isn't that the planet where the natives are very ... friendly?"

"They need supplies and I shouldn't ask the men to do something I wouldn't do myself," John said piously, trying to deny he had personal reasons for wanting to take the mission. "Things aren't as busy now I've handed over everything to Colonel Carter so I've got time right now."

"He hasn't had time to get behind since he took back some duties from Major Lorne," I joked, laughing when John sent a reproachful glare my way. "If I'm going off world tomorrow I better get organised."

I left the two of them talking, knowing Rodney would be giving John hell for using a resupply mission for his own personal gain. I didn't have a problem with that – there had to be _some_ perks from being the wife of the military leader after all!

oOo

"Okay Sabina, take us through," John ordered.

It was the end of a busy day where John had lived up to his description on what the mission would be. We'd delivered the supplies and helped Doctor Mackenzie organise them, and then headed back out in the Puddle Jumper. John had then taken me through a series of space manoeuvres, simulating things like approaching the Gate under attack and coping with various systems failures. Finally we were done and heading for the planet to join Mackenzie for dinner.

"That was cool," I commented as I put us on approach back to the settlement. Glancing at John with a smile I couldn't resist asking "so, friendly instructor ... did I pass?"

"You did ... and I knew you'd have fun," John smiled happily. "The good news is that all the official stuff is done."

Once back on the planet Doctor Mackenzie welcomed us eagerly. He'd been on M58-099 for months now, most of that time alone with only the natives for company. Even for someone whose job it was to study that sort of thing, surely the chance to talk with your own people would be almost irresistible.

Dinner was a nice mix of foreign and Atlantis based cuisine served by natives who were as friendly and frankly uninhibited as Rodney had suggested. After the tenth native girl had paraded her ... assets past John I decided enough was enough.

"Thank you for dinner Doctor," I stood up abruptly, grabbing John's hand and urging him to get up too. "It's been a long day though so we'll be retiring now." Not waiting for either of them to protest I turned and walked through the village towards the hut Mackenzie had allocated to us earlier. And no I didn't _drag_ John through the village – he tagged along all by himself. Maybe something in my tone warned him I'd had enough for one night!

"I didn't realise you were so tired," John said apologetically once we were finally alone.

"I'm not," I admitted. "I just got sick of all the nubile young things flaunting themselves at you."

"They weren't flaunting themselves at me," John protested. "They were just being really ... friendly."

"They so _were_ flaunting," I countered. "Doctor Mackenzie even commented on it earlier – that I shouldn't take offence if the natives openly disrespected that we're married. They don't understand the concept because apparently they don't even have a word you could translate to mean marriage – it's all everyone for everyone here."

"Maybe I should have chosen somewhere else for this," John admitted reluctantly.

"The opportunity was here," I reminded him. "Who knows when something even remotely similar would have come up again? Besides this place really _is_ a tropical paradise. I even like this nice little hut – it's primitive and there's no running water or power or bathroom facilities but it's got its own kind of charm."

"We'll go exploring tomorrow," John promised. "Check out the beaches, do some swimming. There should be plenty of time ... I think we can justify heading back late in the day."

"Yeah, well don't count on doing anything too early in the morning," I advised, walking towards him slowly with clear intent. Putting my hands on his chest I pushed him back until the back of his legs hit the sleeping mattress. "I've got plans for you tonight."

"Do tell," John let himself fall to the bed at my push, raising an eyebrow when I arranged myself on top of him.

"Well, I thought I'd start with this," I leaned down and kissed him with enough passion to get his complete attention. Breaking away I smiled at his expression – the one that said he was impatient for more but also wanted to see where I was going with this. "Then I was just gonna wing it."

"Always works for me," John quipped, flipping us over quickly so he could finish the kiss I'd started.

"Me too," I muttered, happy to lose myself ... and yes my momentary fit of jealously ... in the seductive power of John Sheppard.

oOo

"Man I feel relaxed," I commented from the co-pilot chair, watching lazily as John dialled the Gate so we could report that we were on our way home. "Who knew just one day on the beach would be so therapeutic?"

"Atlantis, this is Sheppard. We are on approach to the Gate," John announced, grinning over at me.

"Acknowledged," Rodney replied. "How was your little holiday?"

"It was great Rodney," I answered for both of us. "Especially once the native girls finally got the message that John was already taken."

"Tell me you didn't have women throwing themselves at you on your own honeymoon,' Rodney pleaded weakly. "That would be so like you Sheppard!"

"It _wasn't_ a honeymoon McKay - it was a _mission. _And Sabina's joking about that last part," John insisted, turning to give me a 'what did you do that for?' look. "The natives were just very friendly and open with each other."

"When's the next supply run due?" Rodney quipped. "I can feel a block of free time coming on right now."

"These missions aren't for us to satisfy our own personal urges Rodney," John said piously.

"Says the man who just took his wife on a two day jaunt for a mission that should have taken three hours," Rodney muttered snidely.

Before John could come back with another taunt the Jumper suddenly shook as though we'd impacted something.

"What the hell?" John frowned in confusion.

"What is it?" Rodney demanded.

John called up the HUD, looking for more information. "I think somebody just took a shot at us. I've got a contact. They're closin' fast."

"What is it, Wraith?" Rodney asked anxiously.

"It doesn't look like it Rodney," I answered, leaning in closer to the HUD to try and make sense of the readings. "From what I can tell, this isn't something we've come across before."

The Jumper was hit again, this time causing enough damage to affect the HUD display. It flickered off and on but we still had information about our attackers.

"Whatever they're shooting us with just shorted my systems," John announced grimly. "I can't get weapons online."

"More shots firing," I announced, watching the radar as seconds later the Jumper was hit again. This time the effect was immediate. The HUD disappeared and then all the lights inside the Jumper went out, followed closely by the engines powering down. We would have been in complete darkness, save for the light being cast over us by the still open wormhole.

"You know John, I really didn't need a live demonstration to go with the training," I quipped, smiling weakly over my nerves.

"And I wasn't planning on giving you one," John retorted grimly. "Rodney?" John tried to see if the Gate connection was still working. "McKay?" The wormhole still shimmered but there was no response. "Atlantis, this is Sheppard. Do you read?"

"This isn't good is it?" I asked as we both watched the front view screen in disbelief. Space outside the window was being replaced slowly by what looked like some kind of cargo hold ... a really huge cargo hold on what was obviously a space ship. I'd been right too - from our 'in your face' inspection the vessel _was_ of a type we'd never come across before.

Moments later we'd been completely engulfed, neither of us missing that recognisable jolt of a ship going into hyperspace.

"No," John confirmed grimly. "This is not good at all."

**Author's Note:**

Sorry - _another_ 'set the scene' chapter ... hope it had some entertaining bits! Travellers proper will be covered in the next two chapters ... and of course I had to bring Sabina into that one! There is NO way I'm leaving poor John in that Larrin woman's clutches alone ... although he may still have to suffer before he gets them both out of this LOL.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 22_


	27. Just think at me

**Chapter 22: Just think at me and I'll try to pick you up.**

"What should we do?" I looked to John for some kind of guidance ... some plan to get us out of this.

"We find a place for you to hide," John announced, jumping up and moving into the back of the Jumper. "These seats are hollow – if we rip out all the supplies you should be able to fit."

"I saw that movie too," I protested. "But this isn't the Millennium Falcon and we're not smugglers!"

"They don't know there are two of us on board," John retorted insistently, rapidly shifting the Jumper's food supplies from the in seat storage container and stacking them on top of the other seat. "We let them capture me, leaving you still free to hopefully fix communications in here and get a message back to Atlantis."

"I'm not going to fit inside that," I looked at the small space, now empty, distastefully. "Plus I don't want to leave you to the mercies of these people when we don't even know what they want with us! What if they hurt you before I get a chance to do anything?"

"They won't hurt me," John insisted. "If they wanted to kill us they wouldn't have bothered to bring the Jumper into their hangar bay."

"There's a lot of distance between not killing you and not harming you at all," I replied grimly. "I really don't – "

"No time to argue," John grabbed my arm and pulled me urgently towards my hiding spot. "Get in."

"And what if I don't want to?" I asked somewhat petulantly, digging my heels in stubbornly.

"This is one of those times when we're not husband and wife," John looked at me sternly, his eyes dark and his expression commanding. "This is one of those 'I'm in charge and you _will_ follow my orders' times. Now get in the storage box Sabina – and make it quick because they'll be here any minute and I still need to rearrange some of this gear."

"Fine," I grumbled, turning towards the now empty seat reluctantly. John put a hand on my upper arm, urging me along. "I'm going," I protested.

"Go faster!" John ordered, helping me step over the edge and watching impatiently as I folded myself into the tight space.

"This isn't as easy as it looks!" I snipped, struggling to get my legs completely inside the available space.

John knelt next to me, helping me position myself so he could close the seat lid over me. "I don't know how good the seal on this is, but there should be more than enough air for what we need. As soon as things quiet down, get out and see what you can do with the systems. Don't leave the Jumper until you hear from me."

"I'm not sure I can live up to that last part," I admitted. "What if it's been hours or worse days and you haven't made contact? How long do you think I can hang around in here not knowing what's happening to you?"

A loud clank from outside the ship announced that we were about to have company.

"Use your judgement," John relented. "But no stupid risks." Leaning down he pressed a hard almost frantic kiss on my lips.

"John - be careful!" I said urgently, as he closed the lid of the seat down over me.

It was pitch black inside the storage container. I really did feel like I imagine you would if you were locked inside a casket - except there'd be a lot more leg room than I currently had. I'd already previously discovered I didn't like being in enclosed spaces ... or restrained ... so this rather unpleasant reminder of that was less than welcome.

The seal on the seat lid was just bad enough that I could still hear everything going on inside the Jumper. The sounds of John throwing things around was muffled but obvious. There was silence for a few moments before a loud intercom system kicked in.

"Lower the rear hatch and prepare to be boarded," a stern voice commanded.

"And what if I don't want to?" John's voice sounded casual and unconcerned as he echoed my own words.

"Then we will blow the door instead, damaging your ship and perhaps yourself in the process," came the responding threat.

"Well when you put it that way," the sounds of John lowering the rear hatch were followed by the sounds of footsteps marching inside. "Hey – there's no need for the three of you to be so rough!" John's voice was protesting, but not in a way that suggested they were actually hurting him. He'd wanted me to start getting a count on the number of enemies on board.

There was scuffling, things dropping to the floor and then John's voice again, this time sounding like he was being taken from the Jumper.

"What's that guy doing with my ship – I need that for when you guys release me!"

Damn! One of the guys had been left behind. Now what was I going to do?

Footsteps retreated from the Jumper ... luckily John had found a way to tell me about the guard otherwise I would have exited my hiding spot none the wiser.

oOo

I had more luck coming my way – the guard left behind turned out not to be a guard at all, just someone to search the ship. He did a crappy job of it, shifting stuff around and making a huge racket but thankfully leaving the seats alone. His footsteps retreated audibly and after a few moments of worrying about my air running out I decided to take the risk and get out from my hiding spot. Pushing the seat up I almost fell out, scrambling quickly to my feet and taking the chance on using the manual release as John had, this time to close the rear hatch.

And then I slumped into the pilots seat, looking out the front view screen into a very large hangar bay. From what I could tell our Puddle Jumper was the only thing inside it. Sighing dejectedly, I settled in for a long wait.

The Jumper had ended up close to the internal doors ... when I realised an hour or so later that they were opening I quickly ducked below the control console. I couldn't take the risk of peeking either because the slope of the front window meant anyone looking my way would catch sight of me.

"Hey!," John's protest was just audible from inside the jumper. I so wanted to see him, make sure he was okay, but I couldn't risk it, assuming he wasn't alone.

"Sheppard, can you hear me?" A woman's voice, louder over the communications system called out.

"D'you mind telling me what you're doing?" John replied.

"Offering you a deal," the woman said in a faintly amused voice.

I felt the ship shake slightly followed quickly by more protests from John.

"This is just not right!" he shouted, his voice tinged with real dismay.

I couldn't help myself ... before I'd even thought about it I was poking my head up over the front console and looking out into the hangar bay. The sight that greeted me had me stunned ... however had captured us had John literally standing on the hanger bay force shield, the doors fully retracted from under both him and the Puddle Jumper I was sitting in. The black of space glared up at me, stars twinkling weirdly behind the shield's fluctuations.

John caught a glimpse of me watching and made a discrete motion with his hand - a clear signal for me to get back out of sight. Reluctantly I did, forced to fill in the visual with the conversation I could still hear.

"Don't worry," the woman told John lightly. "You're safe as long as the force shield doesn't malfunction, and that almost never happens."

"Why are you doing this?" John demanded.

"You wanted to know what this is all about," Larrin returned. "Look beneath you. I'm assuming you recognise the technology? It's a Lantean battleship. It's been dormant for thousands of years, and _you're_ gonna help me get it operational again."

A _Lantean_ ship? These people had an Ancient ship ... the reason for John's capture all to clear now. They needed a gene holder to operate it and us being at that space gate with our Ancient Puddle Jumper fully functional had been an advert that said 'ancient gene holder here!'

"I am?" John quipped in response to the womans statement. "Forgive me for saying this but your abandoned ship isn't looking it's best. Just having the Ancient gene isn't gonna be enough to make her fly."

"You better hope it is Sheppard," the woman said grimly, the threat implied. If John didn't help she was fully prepared to punish him ... or worse. "First up, you're going to fly us over there."

The ship shook again, this time with the closing of the hangar bay doors. Realising I only had moments to get back into my hiding spot, I scrambled quickly into the back of the Jumper, throwing myself into the storage unit and carefully lowering the seat back down just before the rear hatch opened.

"Even if I can power up the ship what makes you think I'm gonna fly you over there willingly?" John was asking as he and our captors walked into the back section.

"Because I'll have this gun to your head the whole time," a woman's voice answered.

"Yeah but if you shoot me this ship will be dead in the water," John pointed out smugly. "Plus you won't have my help with your little Ancient warship project."

"I never said I'd shoot you ... nowhere that counts anyway," the woman laughed mockingly. "Plus you've already had a taste of how persuasive Nevik and Silas can be. I assure you they'll be able to gain your cooperation while still leaving those valuable genes of yours in full working order."

"Then I guess I'll have to cooperate ... for now," John replied.

"Nevik, help Colonel Sheppard return power," the woman ordered. "Silas and I will be right here ... just to make sure he doesn't try anything stupid." I felt the weight settle on the seat above me ... crap! Suddenly being stuck in there rather than hiding voluntarily raised a whole host of additional fears and phobias.

Trying to distract myself I thought about our current situation. If I had the numbers right there were three people on board along with John and I. We didn't know the situation on the Ancient ship but for right now the odds weren't looking that bad.

It took a while – enough that the atmosphere inside my hiding space got hot and thick – not literally but that's how it felt as I tried to take in deep breaths and found only shallow ones were possible. I was starting to drift a little when the unmistakable motion of the Jumper lifting off finally registered. Minutes later we'd reached our destination. John slammed the Jumper down on the Jumper Bay floor much harder than usual, probably making sure I was aware we'd arrived.

"Sorry," he quipped unapologetically, the sounds of scuffling making me smile when I realised he'd jostled his passengers too.

"Open the door," the woman commanded angrily. The rear hatch opened and footsteps stomped from the ship. "Silas, Nevik – bring him!"

"Is it just gonna be us or do you have buddies here?" John asked. He didn't get a response of course but this time I knew I was alone and it would be safe to come out straight away.

I waited a few more moments before pushing up on the seat lid, crawling out of the space and falling weakly onto the floor. Breathing deeply for some time I felt my muscles shaking and my extremities tingling as full feeling returned. Dragging myself up onto all fours I crawled into the front section and looked cautiously up over the console into the hangar bay. John had parked the Jumper near the edge of the Bay, close to a set of stairs leading up one level to a door. There was no one around to observe my movements so I pulled myself into the pilots chair and slouched back in relief.

John still needed help though so once I was feeling semi normal again I tried to initialise the Jumper communication systems. They didn't work – no surprises there since the last hit we'd taken had shorted something before the power cut out. I wasn't Rodney or Radek to start accessing the systems directly but I might be able to pinpoint the problem with a bit of help from my laptop which luckily had more than just the standard stuff loaded.

Hooking it up I called Rodney's diagnostic program and set it to work. Five minutes later I had my answer and it wasn't a good one. One of the main control crystals had been fried beyond repair and because it was a main control I couldn't just rip something from somewhere else and swap it in. I needed a new one.

Sitting in the pilots chair I gazed sightlessly out the front window thinking about my options. And that's when it hit me. The answer was literally staring me in the face. I was on an _Ancient_ ship ... one brimming with probably dozens of exactly the crystals I needed. All I had to do was sneak out, find one, sneak back and install it. Then I could contact Atlantis and get a rescue crew on its way.

John had said use my judgement – we needed help and we couldn't get it without contacting Atlantis. And to do that we needed an operational communications system. My judgement said leave the Jumper and go find spare parts. So I did, armed with a 9mm plus ammo, a flashlight, and my laptop.

oOo

Getting out of the Jumper Bay had been easy, as had sneaking my way closer to Engineering. The ships layout was familiar from my time on the Aurora and the Orion as well as my subsequent study of their systems. The crystal I needed was most likely to be available in one of the engineering systems ... only trouble was if John was helping them then that'd be one of the places he might be doing it from.

Stopping at the edge of Engineering I peeked quickly around the corner to see if the coast was clear before rushing inside. The ship felt deserted ... from all appearances it _was_ although I knew John and his captors were somewhere on board. Had that woman brought John over here with just two guards for company? The odds were starting to swing more our way, especially since she didn't know John had back up.

Kneeling in front of the main console I pulled off the access panel and checked the inside. Lots of crystal components but none the one I wanted. Moving on to the next console I repeated the process. I was on to panel five when the ship lurched suddenly forward throwing me into the hard metal console ... painfully.

"Ow!" I put a hand to my head, pulling it back and finding a smear of blood. The ship felt like it was in motion. Pulling myself back to standing I called up the HUD and confirmed that yes we'd entered hyperspace. That put a crimp in my plan because I wouldn't be able to use the Jumper communication systems while we were in hyperspace. I really needed to talk to John but at the same time I didn't want to alert the others to my presence. And that's when I had a flash of inspiration.

I was on an _Ancient_ ship ... one with systems much like those on Atlantis, just on a smaller scale. Caritas had shown me how to use the internal communications on Atlantis for direct person to person mental communication and I'd even done a successful test with General O'Neill. Surely I'd be able to do at least as well trying to communicate with John?

Making the mental connection to the systems was easy - they were exactly the same as Atlantis. Finding John was easy too - his familiar 'feel' jumping out at me as if to say 'here I am!'.

"_John?_" I thought, focussing tight on getting through to him. "_Can you hear me?_"

There was mental silence – apart from all my own thoughts whizzing through my head of course! Then I realised even if he could hear me he might not be able to get me to hear him in return.

"_Ah ... you need to make a mental connection to the ships systems like you would on the Jumper_," I explained. "_Just think at me and I'll try to pick you up_."

"_Sabina?_" the mental response was faint but I did receive it, my face breaking into a huge smile when I recognised John's voice - even his mental one.

"_Hey! I am so glad to hear you_," I thought back happily. "_I can just barely make out what you're thinking though so you might want to yell next time. Ah ... what's your status?_"

"_I'm in control of the ship_," John announced, his mental voice brimming with satisfaction. "_For the moment anyway. The person in charge - Larrin - is bad tempered and not above using any means to get what she wants._"

"_Are you hurt?_" I asked quickly.

"_A few bruises_," John replied, admitting to only a small set of what I suspected were his full injuries. "_Where are you?_"

"_I'm in engineering looking for replacement parts for the Jumper_," I thought back. "_But now that we're in hyperspace I didn't know whether to continue with fixing the communication systems or focus on something else._"

"_You need to minimise your movements just to the key areas_," John said urgently. "_It's no accident this ship has been drifting for 10,000 years – we've got a serious radiation problem and they've only set up shield emitters to protect certain parts of ship_."

"_Engineering should be one of them_," I assured him.

"_Larrin is gonna do something to take this ship back_," John told me. "_I've tried to anticipate what but ... grab the parts you need and head back to the Jumper as soon as you can._"

"_Can't I come help you instead?_" I pleaded.

"_You're still the ace up my sleeve,"_ John announced. "_Larrin doesn't even suspect I wasn't alone. Can this communication thing work even if I'm not sitting in the captain's chair?_"

"_It'll be harder for you to make a deliberate connection_," I explained. "_But now that you know how to do it, and you know what my signal feels like inside the system you might be able to make it work. At the very least if you think something hard enough and I'm listening I should be able to pick you up._"

"_Okay_," John was silent for a minute, clearly thinking about our options. "_Fix Jumper communications first because we might need that to create an escape route,_" he decided. "_Then listen for my orders ... I'm not sure what's gonna happen next and I might need you to act quickly_."

"_All right_," I turned back to the consoles, continuing with my search for the right parts. "_Who are these people anyway?_"

"_Travellers_," John replied. "_They live on spaceships - only go to planets when they need supplies. I'm guessing they need this ship to expand their population._"

"_And they need you to operate it and initiate the systems because they don't have the gene_," I concluded.

"_Yeah which is why ... hang on a minute_," John cut off his thoughts abruptly. I looked inside the next panel, breathing out a sigh of relief when I finally found what I was looking for. Quickly rerouting the connections around the parts I wanted I pulled and pocketed them, standing as I waited to hear back from John.

"_I've gotta hand back control_," John's voice was angry and frustrated. "_She's flooding the Bridge with that lethal radiation - I have no idea whether that includes any other sections of the ship._"

"_I've got the parts and I'm on my way back to the Jumper_," I reported, finally moving again. "_Are you okay?_"

"_Larrin just turned up_," John's voice held a wince of pain. "_She's revived her goons. Ah crap - can't talk now_."

And then there was silence and I knew they were punishing John for his attempts to take over the ship. Enough that he couldn't maintain his concentration sufficiently to talk to me.

I was still cautious but I practically ran all the way back to the Jumper, tense and driven to get it fixed so I could help John. It didn't take long because it was a simple matter of replacing the burnt out crystals – hardly the most complex task on Ancient tech I'd ever done. I brought the systems on line just long enough to confirm the Jumper communications _were_ working again before powering it all down.

"_John?_" I thought. "_I hope to God you're okay. Listen the Jumper's fixed so we can call for help or even just fly out of here ... as soon as you come up with a plan._"

There was no response so I just kept thinking at him, hoping he was conscious and getting some of it.

"_I don't want to put the pressure all on you but since you've met our hosts and I haven't you're in the hot seat._"

Still no response and I was starting to get anxious and worried ... please don't let him be hurt because then it really would be all up to me to get us out of this. I'd never been in that position before and I really, _really_ didn't want to go there ... ever.

"_John?" _Still nothing._ "Okay I don't want to worry you here but I'm really starting to panic now. Enough that I'm thinking up plans of my own and you know how that usually works out ... get that impressive brain of yours into gear and think me something ... anything ... or I swear it's Sabina Plan time!_"

"_You think my brain's impressive?_" John's thought was faint and messy but I was concentrating really hard on picking him up so I did get it.

"_Oh thank God!_" I thought back happily. "_Are you ... you know, okay?_"

"_They weren't very happy with my flying skills_," John quipped, seeming to gain strength as he adapted to using the systems to talk to me. "_I'm in the Brig right now expecting another visit from our scary host lady._"

"_Have you got a plan?_" I asked hesitantly.

"_Already in place_," John thought confidently. "_I shut down navigation and propulsion and ah ... tweaked the subspace communications systems. They thought those were broken but there was just enough there for a Morse code signal. We're currently broadcasting SOS through subspace._"

"_And Atlantis will pick that up?_" I frowned. "_Even if they're not actively listening to this part of space?_"

"_They should_," John agreed. "_The long range sensors actively look for artificial patterns - this should qualify_."

"_Smart_," I complimented. "_And there I was just joking with that impressive brain comment_."

"_Nice_," John's mental voice held amusement before he got serious again. "_Someone's coming - stand by_."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 23_


	28. Again with the waiting!

**Chapter 23: Again with the waiting! **

Have I ever mentioned that I hate waiting? Three years on Atlantis hadn't cured me of that, in fact I think I'd gotten worse because now I was expected to wait in circumstances when John was in danger or worse. So I really, really hated waiting to hear back on how John's latest meeting with Larrin was going.

"_Okay, she's gone_," John's thoughts came back to me, much stronger than before. He was really getting the hang of this tapping into communications thing.

"_Did she ...,_" I began.

"_Nah – didn't lay a finger on me ... yet_," John reassured me. "_They're checking the subspace communications so it's only a matter of time before they work out what I did. Hopefully Atlantis will send a Jumper here before they work out how to turn it off._"

"_So I'm still just sitting here, doing nothing?_" I was frustrated that I'd spent the whole time hiding while John had been directly in the firing line.

"_Not nothing!_" John retorted. "_The Jumper's fixed so that gives us an extra option if Atlantis doesn't get the signal._"

"_And how will we even know that?_" I demanded.

"_I don't know_," John protested. "_I'm making this up as I go along!_"

"_Well ... Han_," I thought somewhat sarcastically. "_Could you make up a role for me that involves some actual action?_"

"_Oops, Larrin's back_," John thought back quickly. "_And she looks pissed_."

This time I felt John's pain before he disconnected from communications. That bitch had hit him ... and being John I didn't think he'd be returning the favour even though he probably could. The whole 'never hit a woman' thing really shouldn't have applied right then.

Moments later John sent me one quick blasted word of thought. "_Wraith!_"

I didn't need more because I knew what that meant. The Wraith had picked up the subspace SOS as well ... and decided to come check it out. The ship shook with weapons fire seconds later ... they were here and John was still trapped in a cell with an angry Larrin. And I was pacing around the Puddle Jumper feeling useless and impatient.

"_Okay, I've got Larrin's agreement to work together_," John thought moments later. "_I'm headed for the Weapons Control Platform. Stay where you are for now._"

"_You're trusting her?_" I asked in amazement.

"_Hell no!_" John retorted. "_Once I've destroyed the Wraith cruiser I'm gonna take back control of the ship._"

"Of course you are_,_" I muttered under my breath. "_How many hits did you let her get in? And don't pretend you tried to fight back because we both know you'd never hit a woman, even one as twisted as Larrin._"

"_Three_," John admitted reluctantly.

"_So on top of the ones you've already taken I'm guessing you're more than a little sore right now_," I said grimly. "_I am so gonna kick her arse when I get the chance._"

The ship shook again before John could respond.

"_Damn it!_" John cursed angrily. "_That last shot took out the chair_."

"_Reroute the power_," I told him urgently.

"_Do I know how to do that?_" John grumbled.

"_Yes_," I thought at him impatiently. "_Just tell me what you're gonna do and I'll help make sure you've got it right._"

John pulled off the cover on the back of the chair and thought a description of the crystals to me ... together we worked out which ones were needed for rerouting and John got down to the business of moving as quickly as possible.

"_Okay, I've got power_," John announced.

The shields had been holding for the first few hits but eventually they must have fallen because the next shot rattled things big time and even from inside the Jumper I could feel that we were listing in space. And then the shots stopped abruptly, which I hoped was good news for us.

"Sabina?" John's voice rang out into the Jumper Bay.

"John?" I spoke aloud in puzzlement.

"I've activated the ships intercom," John explained. "The Wraith ship is destroyed but we took heavy damage. The Bridge is toast which means it's now two to one odds in our favour."

"Do you want me to come to you?" I asked hopefully.

"Can you just stay put for a bit longer?" John asked. "I need to see if Larrin is still onside but I'm not hanging around here to find out."

"_Fine_," I replied impatiently.

I'd been pacing around outside the Jumper but now I threw myself down on one of the seats in the back, closing my eyes and hoping this latest 'adventure' was close to being finished.

The familiar, slimy feeling washed over my mind suddenly.

"John," I said urgently, grabbing one of the P90's and making sure it was fully loaded. "There are Wraith on board."

"Crap!" John retorted. "They must have flown a Dart out before I destroyed their ship."

"No one came through here," I said with a puzzled frown.

"That's because there's a second flight Bay," John said grimly. "I'm in the auxiliary control room - I've got Larrin locked in at the Weapons Control Platform but she's trying to blast her way out. Let me just scan the ship for life signs." There was a pause and then John continued. "Okay I'm reading four life signs in addition to ours, one close to Larrin's position."

John left the channel open so I could hear what was happening.

"Larrin, where are you going?" John quizzed her with casual curiosity.

"To check on Silas and Nevik," Larrin replied grimly.

"They're gone," John said apologetically. "I scanned the ship and picked up four life signs – none of them on the Bridge. There are Wraith on board."

"When I catch up with you ..." Larrin threatened angrily.

"Larrin - Stop!" John ordered. "I'm picking up a life sign directly in front of you."

"Silas!" Larrin said hopefully.

"There's no way he could have gotten from the Bridge down to you," John countered. There was no reply from Larrin and I could hear the angry frustration in John's voice when he spoke to me again. "I'm gonna have to go after her, see she doesn't get herself killed."

"Be careful," I said softly, knowing there was nothing I could do to change his mind. He'd want to save anyone from the Wraith, even the vicious woman who'd kidnapped us!

oOo

Again with the waiting! I was getting royally sick of the whole thing and was just about to tell John so when he contacted me.

"_Sabina_," his thoughts came through like he was whispering them even inside his own head.

"_You okay?_" I thought back.

"_Apart from being stuck in a storage cupboard with our lead kidnapper, yeah_," John replied impatiently. "_We're pinned down here so I need you to go to Auxiliary Control and shut down the consoles. I've got all three remaining Wraith fixed near our position so if you're quick you should be able to get there without risking running into one of them._"

"_On my way_," I replied, jumping up and sprinting from the Jumper Bay. Auxiliary control wasn't that far from Engineering so I already knew the way. I'd taken a scanner from the Jumper as well and used it to make sure John was right that no Wraith were anywhere near where I needed to be. In short order I'd shut down the consoles ... it didn't defeat the Wraith already on board but it did ensure they couldn't run off with the ship ... and us.

"_Done_," I thought back to John. "_Now what?_"

"_Larrin's got a plan_," John quickly filled me in on the plan to lure the remaining three Wraith towards an exterior part of the ship so John could fire a drone there.

"_That sounds a bit risky_," I frowned, thinking about how to improve our odds. "_I could take over the chair operation leaving you clear to cover Larrin – make sure all the Wraith are following her._"

"_I don't want to give away the fact that you're here_," John protested.

"_You won't have to_," I insisted. "_As far as she's concerned it'll be you in the chair_."

"_Okay – do it_," John decided. "_I'll tell you when_."

"_I'm in position_," I reported to John once I'd made it to the Weapons Control Platform. "_Nice hole in the door!_"

"_Larrin didn't make a very patient prisoner_," John thought. "_Now sit tight and wait until I tell you to fire_."

"_Yes Sir_," I thought back with a grin.

oOo

"_Now Sabina!_" John ordered mentally.

I'd been tracking the life signs and knew exactly where to fire my drones. It was satisfying to hit the target dead on and watch those life signs blink out.

Except one of them didn't. I had two life signs on that position instead of the one I'd been hoping for.

"_John - there's still one Wraith on board_," I reported grimly.

Watching the blips on the screen I saw the two signs converge and then one weaken before a third life sign – John – arrived. All three life signs were centred in the one place, too close for me to even guess what was going on. And then one of the blips moved off down the corridor. I watched as it moved to the second flight Bay ... registering the presence of the Wraith Dart moments before it left the ship.

That just left the two life signs belonging to John and Larrin. John didn't contact me to tell me the coast was clear ... so something was _still_ wrong. I didn't stop to consider whether I should go down there or not – my feet were moving before I'd even consciously thought about it.

I ran from the Chair room and through the ship towards them, only slowing down when I got close enough for them to potentially hear me. John and the woman were standing in the middle of the corridor talking as I crept slowly nearer. What I saw had my blood boiling within seconds ... of course Larrin was pretty - they always were! _And_ she was decked out in leather, complete with a skin tight bustier that left little to the imagination. But what really irked was the fact that she was standing way too close to John ... clearly trying to use her attributes for no good purpose. John saw my approach but gave nothing away in his expression.

When Larrin reached behind John, presumably going for the weapon he had stashed there I decided enough was enough.

"Step away from him," I ordered grimly, quickly traversing the remaining few steps distance and putting the point of my P90 to the back of Larrin's head. She tensed up immediately, turning slowly to see the threat.

"Hi honey - what took you so long?" John quipped with a relieved smile.

"Had to make sure that Wraith really did leave," I replied like I held a P90 to someone's head _every_ day.

"_Honey?_" Larrin demanded angrily.

"Oh – didn't I tell you my wife was on board?" John was taking too much delight in having pulled one over on Larrin.

"_No_ - you didn't," Larrin retorted grimly.

"You might want to think about doing a more thorough search when you kidnap a strange ship," I told her casually. "That was pretty sloppy for a space pirate."

"I'm not a pirate!" Larrin seemed to take offence to that one.

"And yet you took us against our will and from the looks of John's face inflicted a fair amount of physical force to get what you wanted," my tone was grim and angry now too as I pressed the muzzle into her head ... forcefully.

I wasn't all that surprised when Larrin suddenly slammed a hand up into mine, sending the P90 clattering before trying to ram her elbow into my gut. John moved as if to intercept but I was having none of that.

"_No!_" I practically snarled at him while avoiding the attempted gut punch. "This is between me and her." Turning to face Larrin in a fight ready stance I added "and let me promise you this won't be as easy with someone who actually _will_ hit back!"

What followed was I hoped a lesson for her in why it wasn't a good idea to get between a husband and his wife. Not that she'd known John had a wife who was actually on board but I didn't think she'd have done anything different if she _had_ known – apart from trying to use me as well.

Larrin was very aggressive, hitting out with fast jabs and kicks. But she was also unfocused and undisciplined which made it easy for me to counter every advance. When I sensed her frustration was at its peak I quickly disabused her of the notion that I was weak in any way, taking probably too much delight in slamming my fist into her face ... more than once. When she was down and not getting up again I knelt down beside her.

"If you _ever_ hit my husband again I won't stop there," I promised in a quiet almost pleasant voice. Standing up I looked down at her as she pulled herself slowly to her feet, visible bruises already appearing across one cheek. I shouldn't have taken delight in that ... it was petty, and yet ... I did. "You might want to reconsider using force as your first choice for contact too," I suggested helpfully.

"I _told_ her that wasn't a good way to open relations between our people," John moved over to my side, now in possession of my discarded P90. Pointing it at Larrin he motioned for her to get moving. "Our people should be here soon so for now we're all just gonna chill out and wait for them."

"You were happy to help me because you thought your ships would get here first," Larrin commented, touching a hand to her mouth and frowning when it came away bloody. I should have known something was about to happen - Larrin was too smug for someone who'd been beaten and lost the game. "You thought wrong," she quipped.

The stun blasts hit us from behind, dropping us to the floor instantly.

oOo

We woke up in the Brig, stretched out on a bunk each.

"Her ships got here first?" I asked, rubbing my face and grimacing at the stunner headache I'd acquired.

"They must have boarded just after the Wraith left," John suggested. "Bastards snuck up behind us!"

"Not exactly polite," I agreed. "I don't suppose you have _another_ plan by any chance?"

Larrin chose that moment to arrive, deactivating the force field and walking into our cell.

"I thought you'd be glad to know the hyperdrive repairs are almost complete," she said with a please smile.

"Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted," John replied with a bland expression.

"Yes, it's true I can fly the ship and navigate, but there are still dozens of systems I don't have access to – and if any of the controls went down, it would be a problem." Larrin explained.

"So finish the adaptor," John said impatiently. "You said you can reverse-engineer the systems I've already initialised."

"Well, yes, we can eventually, but it would go a lot faster if I keep you both on board," Larrin said with a distinct lack of guilt.

"You are a piece of work, you know that?" John said angrily.

"Look, I know you don't agree with my tactics, but I wasn't lying about why I need this ship. I'm doing this for my people," Larrin explained.

"You don't need both of us," John insisted. "Let Sabina take our ship back home."

"Nice try," Larrin smiled in amusement. "While you were unconscious we took the liberty of testing her blood as well. What a surprise to find she had the gene too. The work will go much faster with both of you helping us." She turned and left the cell. John tried to follow but the force field came back on behind her.

"Look, I know you think you're helping your people but you're wrong," John called after her.

"Excuse me?" Larrin raised an eyebrow in disbelief that he'd even comment on her people.

"You've been running and hiding for thousands of years," John said insistently. "You've survived – good for you – but now you're starting to see diminishing returns. One more ship – well, it'll buy you a little more time, but ultimately it's not gonna change anything. Your people are headed for a slow death."

"What other choice do we have?" Larrin demanded impatiently.

"In case you haven't heard – you will soon enough – but the Wraith are under attack," John shared that intel after a moment's pause.

"From who?" Larrin asked.

"It's a long story," John prevaricated, "but the point is, they're taking heavy damage and if they don't get wiped out, they're gonna be vulnerable. Now, your people have hyperdrives and advanced weapons and God knows what else. When the time is right, that kind of technology can tip the balance."

"Are you suggesting an alliance?" Larrin asked in amazement. "After all I've put you through?"

"Well, like you said, you did it for your people," John excused.

"And there are some things bigger than just us," I added simply.

"I may have misjudged you after all," Larrin said with a thoughtful frown. Without another word she turned and left us.

"Do you think that had an impact?" I asked hopefully.

"We'll find out soon enough," John replied. "Sorry this trip ended so badly."

"Not your fault," I sat down on the bunk, pulling John down beside me. "And just think of the story we can tell our grandkids now!"

oOo

A couple of hours later Larrin returned, lowering the force field and motioning us to follow her. The intervening time had been slow ... the only upside the fact that I'd taken the time to assure myself that none of the damage Larrin had inflicted on John was serious. He'd be sore for a couple of days but knowing him, that wouldn't even slow him down.

"I spoke to our governing council and they agree you're more valuable as possible allies," Larrin explained. "You're free to go."

"You don't want to formalise an alliance?" John asked curiously.

"It's not our way," Larrin replied. "We'll contact you if we need to draw on that in the future."

"Fine," John agreed. We arrived at the Jumper Bay and Larrin escorted us to our Jumper. "I won't say it's been a pleasure but ... perhaps we'll be able to help each other out again in the future."

"Perhaps," Larrin agreed.

John didn't waste any time once we were ready to head out, flying quickly from the ship and getting us a good distance away. A hyperspace window opened and the Travellers Ancient ship disappeared inside.

"What now?" I finally felt able to relax for the first time in a couple of days.

"Now we fly to the nearest space gate and back to Atlantis," John said confidently.

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Major Lorne. Is that you?"

"That's affirmative, Major. It's good to hear from you," John looked over at me with a grin.

"Likewise, sir! Seemed like we came pretty close to losing you there," Lorne replied. "I assume Sabina's with you?"

"We're both here Major," John shook his head ruefully, "and you don't know the half of it."

"We'll look forward to hearing the story once we make it back to Atlantis Sir," Lorne's voice held a genuine smile.

"Let's head home then," John ordered, pointing us towards the space gate ... five hours away.

"I'm just gonna stretch out back here," I said tiredly.

"I'll wake you when we get there," John promised.

oOo

"Do you think these Travellers will become true allies?" Teyla asked after John had finished recounting the entire story to his team and Major Lorne once we were cleared back on Atlantis and sitting around a large table in the Mess.

"To be honest no," John admitted. "They needed help with that ship and yet their first instinct was to take it rather than ask for it."

"Larrin was pretty damn ruthless about it too," I added, still feeling a twinge of resentment over her treatment of John. "When she wasn't trying to use her charms to get what she wanted of course."

"Oh don't tell me," Rodney said sickly. "She was hot wasn't she?"

"I didn't notice," John said insistently.

"She was," Rodney concluded. "Why is it that when I get captured it's always the Wraith? Why couldn't I just once get the sexy alien? You didn't even need it – you've already got a wife!"

"And _you've_ got a girlfriend," I reminded Rodney sternly. "Evan should be the one wanting to get kidnapped by a good looking alien."

"That's not what ... I wasn't ...," Rodney stuttered.

"Give it up McKay," John advised, "before you dig yourself a bigger hole."

"You never said anything about your honeymoon," Evan ignored my comment about his single status, changing the subject and earning our grateful looks.

"It _wasn't_ a honeymoon – it was a mission," John's lips twitched as he tried to hide a smile.

"We had a great time," I answered, not bothering to pretend I wasn't aware _everyone_ had been calling it our honeymoon the whole time we'd been gone. "I could have done without the protracted ending of course but I did get in a few hits before Larrin's ships arrived _and_ I called her a space pirate so it wasn't all bad."

"You're just charming your way across the galaxy aren't you?" Evan laughed when I looked faintly insulted by that.

"She started it," I said without remorse.

"And she's still out there," John reminded us.

"Well if there is a next time maybe she'll have learnt from this one," I concluded hopefully.

"I doubt it," John returned, "but we can hope."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 24_


	29. You’d be the first person who has

**Chapter 24: You'd be the first person who has **

"Hey," John stopped in the doorway of my lab to greet me.

"Hey yourself," I returned with a smile. "Something up?"

"Have you been anywhere near the infirmary today?" John asked.

"No," I replied with a frown, swivelling my chair to face him. "Why?"

"Doctor Keller thinks we've got some kind of disease outbreak," John admitted, walking across to my position. "The survey team came back from the mainland this morning. A few of them have symptoms, along with people who've been in the infirmary since the team got back."

"What kind of disease?" I asked in concern. "Is it serious?"

"Looks like a variant of the flu," John said simply. "Jennifer said she found bacteria she's never seen before – she's trying to track it in the Ancient database. The infirmary level's been quarantined but I was worried maybe you ...,"

"I've been here all morning," I reassured him. "I'm assuming since you're running around freely that you haven't been exposed either. What about anyone else who might have been in the infirmary today?"

"I've got a team trying to track anyone down now," John advised.

"Katie was on that survey team wasn't she?" I suddenly remembered that fact.

"Yeah, she and Rodney both tested positive," John admitted. "I wouldn't worry though – so far there's nothing to suggest this is gonna get any worse and Jennifer will work something out for the people who have been exposed."

"Oh – okay," I let John's words settle any hint of concern about Rodney. "Can I do anything to help out?"

"Just stay down here for now," John replied. "I need to check back in with Colonel Carter but I'll keep you informed. Now get back to work."

"Yes Sir," I smiled as John put a hand on my shoulder, spinning me back towards the desk as he squeezed fondly.

And then he was gone, leaving me with just the faint edge of worry ... because on Atlantis even the minor things often turned out to be anything but.

oOo

Four hours later the situation hadn't improved but it didn't seem to have gotten hugely worse either. Doctor Keller had a team conducting random blood tests throughout the city because one of the nurses who'd been in Hazmat had tested positive for the disease. There were more cases in the infirmary too, all those from the survey team plus others they'd been in contact with when they'd first returned to the city. The first symptoms were supposed to be headaches and dizziness ... what came after that was still being discovered as the initial patients fought against the illness.

It was kind of bizarre to be continuing on with normal work when in the background something potentially serious was happening but there was nothing else I could do.

Another two hours later and that changed.

"Sabina, can you come down to the Mess Hall?" John's voice over the radio was purposeful ... and worried.

"On my way," I confirmed, heading out immediately and continuing the conversation along the way. "What's the status?"

"Results from the random blood tests are in," John advised. "It's pretty likely that everyone is already infected. Jennifer is gonna do another round of blood tests to confirm that."

"Crap!" I muttered, picking up the pace to get to his position.

"That's not even the worst part," John continued. "The first patients all have a new symptom – memory loss. Jennifer said if the rate of deterioration continues it'll be only a matter of hours before they won't remember their own names."

"Double crap!" I turned the corner and strode through the doors to the Mess. "Hey," I greeted John personally, heading straight over to him. "What's the plan?"

"The infirmary's been inundated," John explained. "We need to turn this area into a makeshift ward. Help Ronon bring in some portable cots."

"Okay," I turned to do just that when John put a hand on my arm.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his expression making it clear he was hoping he wouldn't hear the answer I was gonna have to give him.

"Slight headache," I admitted. "You?"

"The same," John returned. "Maybe you should ...,"

"I'll stick close by," I broke in before he could suggest I start acting like I was sick. "But I'm fine to help out here."

"Yeah ... okay," John rubbed a hand over his forehead before meeting my gaze. We didn't need to say anything, each of us reading the worry in the other's eyes. "Jennifer will come up with something," John said confidently. "For now we just need to look after everyone, make sure they're comfortable."

"You're right," I agreed with as confident a smile as I could manage. "I'll go help Ronon."

oOo

Activity in the Mess Hall escalated – both those of us helping to set it up and the arrival of the first people transferred down from the infirmary. I'd already been there more than an hour, having switched from helping Ronon carry in cots to helping Teyla make them ready for those needing bed rest.

"How are you feeling Teyla?" I asked curiously as we moved on to the next bed.

"No different than usual," Teyla replied, shaking out a sheet and bending to tuck it around the mattress.

"No signs of headache, dizziness?" I asked in surprise.

"None," Teyla confirmed.

We glanced up as John and Ronon arrived with one of the last cots available. John put a hand to his forehead, grimacing as he leaned on the bed. I was over there beside him in moments, Teyla close behind me.

"John?" I put a hand on his shoulder.

"_I'm fine_," John insisted, moving away before I could call him up on it. Sharing a concerned glance with Teyla and Ronon I left them together and followed John across the room.

"You're _not_ fine," I said when he stopped and began a count of beds.

"It's still just a headache," John looked at me quickly before going back to his count. "I can handle it."

"Teyla's not sick," I told him.

"Not even the headache?" John raised an eyebrow in surprise. "That could mean something."

"It could," I replied. "No one tested my blood – maybe they never tested Teyla's either."

"Let's find out," John put a hand on my arm and urged me back over to where Teyla now stood by herself. "Sabina said you don't even have a headache yet," he began.

"Ronon and I were just discussing that neither of us appear affected," Teyla offered. "Ronon has gone to the infirmary to inform Doctor Keller."

"Oh ... good," John grimaced, clearly restraining himself from rubbing at his forehead again. He glanced up, shrugging when I raised an eyebrow questioning his condition. Rather than look away John kept his eyes on me, a thoughtful look appearing on his face. "Sabina, is your headache getting worse?"

"No," I admitted, surprised I hadn't really noticed that fact. "Actually I'm feeling a bit better that I was when we first started moving cots in here."

"Perhaps you have not been infected either," Teyla suggested.

"More likely you've managed to fight it off," John countered. "Go join Ronon down in the infirmary – get Jennifer to test you as well."

"If I've gotten better then maybe it's only a matter of time before everyone else does too," I offered, feeling hopeful for the first time that day. "It could just be that I only got a mild case because I spent the whole morning by myself."

"Maybe," John agreed. "Jennifer will be able to confirm that."

"Will you be okay here?" I asked, reluctant to leave him when I knew how crappy he was really feeling.

"I will stay close to John," Teyla said graciously.

Completely ignoring John's protests that he didn't need looking after, I thanked Teyla gratefully. "Be good," I told John sternly, putting my hand to his arm and waiting for him to nod an agreement before I left for the infirmary.

oOo

"Doctor Keller?" I approached hesitantly. Jennifer looked rushed, pale, uncertain ... not a facade I was used to seeing on her.

"Sabina," Jennifer turned to me with a forced smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm hoping I can do something for you," I said in reply. "I was definitely feeling the same symptoms as everyone else a couple of hours ago but now I'm actually feeling better. Is it possible I could have already gotten over it?"

"You'd be the first person who has," Jennifer looked me over with renewed interest. "Let me take some blood and run some tests."

I looked around the infirmary curiously as Jennifer prepared to take her samples. This was the place where the worst cases were still located ... and from here it looked really bad. Rodney was sitting with Katie Brown, the expression on his face a mix of his strange love/hate relationship with all things medical, confusion and maybe even hurt because Katie didn't know who he was, and fear ... for himself as much as anyone else. I knew the very idea of forgetting himself and everyone else would be abhorrent to Rodney.

"Hey," I said softly, approaching silently once Jennifer had what she needed from me.

"Sabina," Rodney tried to smile but didn't quite get there.

"How is she?" I gestured to Katie in concern.

"She doesn't remember me," Rodney said sadly, "or anyone else. Jennifer said it's likely she doesn't really know who she is anymore ... she's just too confused to describe how's she's feeling."

"I'm sorry Rodney," I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know Jennifer's working hard to find a cure for this ... Ronon and Teyla haven't had any symptoms so far so there might be something in that."

"What about you?" Rodney asked curiously.

"I had the dizziness and headache a couple of hours ago," I told him, "but now I'm actually feeling better. Jennifer just took some blood to work out why that is. How are you feeling?"

"Headache for a couple of hours now," Rodney admitted. He went to say more but Jennifer walked in from her office with a grim expression on her face that stopped our conversation cold.

"The latest random blood tests are back," she announced to everyone present. "If you're feeling well enough you're all free to go."

"What?" Rodney demanded incredulously.

"The second set of results are all positive too Rodney," Jennifer explained. "There's no point in quarantining anymore – whatever this is, its spread to the entire population. We'll be transferring everyone who can be moved down to the Mess Hall."

"Come on Rodney," I urged him up from his seat next to Katie. "You've been here for hours – let's go find John and see if they've managed to come up with anything."

Rodney followed me reluctantly from the infirmary, glancing over his shoulder at Katie as we walked away. We didn't need to search for John, all of us converging on the same spot – the stairs leading up to Colonel Carter's office.

"They let you out?" John greeted Rodney in surprise.

"The second set of random blood tests just came back – all positive," Rodney explained. "Didn't seem much point in quarantining the Infirmary any more."

"You showing any signs?" John looked at Rodney curiously.

"Headache," Rodney admitted reluctantly.

"How's _your_ headache?" I asked John, looking closely at his eyes. Even if he tried to make light of it, just seeing the more intense green – highlighted by the bloodshot red, would have been enough for me to know he was only getting worse.

"About the same," John dismissed lightly.

"Five bucks says you start losing your memories first," Rodney quipped.

"Rodney!" Both John and I looked at him in exasperation. Rodney's shrug said if there was ever a time when we needed to make light of the situation just to get through it, this would be it.

Colonel Carter was waiting for us outside her office. "All right, we've got food, water and blankets," she reported. "We don't have enough beds but we're just gonna have to make do."

"Well, we may need to think about ordering all non-essential personnel to report to the Mess Hall," Rodney suggested. "I mean, they're gonna wind up there anyway and this way we won't have people with no memories wandering the hallways."

"That's what I'm worried about," John said seriously. "I'll send Lorne and a team out, make sure those orders are followed."

Colonel Carter gestured for us to follow her inside her office. On her desk were a couple of small bottles which she picked up, handing one each to John and Rodney.

"These are from Doctor Neaves," she explained. "They're stimulants. He thinks they may slow the effects of the memory loss. It's just a stop-gap but at least it may buy us a few hours."

"Do we know what's in these, because I'm allergic ...," Rodney took out a pill and eyed it suspiciously.

"Just take it," John ordered, tossing one of the tablets into his own mouth and swallowing it dry. Rodney reluctantly complied, grimacing as he choked down his own tablet.

"Hand these out to Lorne and his men," Carter added, handing John a third bottle of tablets. "One more thing: I've ordered Doctor Zelenka to remove the Gate's main control crystal. No matter what happens, we cannot risk spreading this disease elsewhere in the galaxy or to Earth."

"What happens when we all start losing our memory?" Rodney asked glumly.

**Author's Note:**

Finally, after **four** days of trying, I've been able to log in and update the story! I WILL reply to reviews too but thought I should lock in a new chapter while I can ... just in case. If there's a long posting delay in the future, check the blog on my website (link on my author page) cause I'll let you know what's going on (as much as I know!) there. Thanks for your patience.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 25_


	30. Not before the rest of us lose ourselves

**Chapter 25: Not before the rest of us completely lose ourselves**

"Doctor Keller will come up with something before that happens," Colonel Carter tried to be positive. Giving me her undivided attention she looked at me curiously. "John was telling me your symptoms have improved."

"Yeah," I agreed. "It's been at least an hour now and the headache and dizziness have gone. I feel completely normal. Doctor Keller took some blood samples but I haven't heard anything back about why."

"If it turns out for whatever reason that you _are_ immune to this, implementing whatever solution we eventually come up with could fall to you," Colonel Carter warned.

"And that's gonna be difficult if none of you remember me," I concluded, carefully not looking at John as I said it. It was a deliberate avoidance – not of him – of the idea that somewhere in my not too distant future there would be a John Sheppard with no recollection of me, one who was going to look at me and see only a stranger. The very idea of it left me feeling shaky and nervous, like my whole world was shaped by how John saw me. It scared me to contemplate how I'd operate and deal with the world if I was no one to him.

"Did Doctor Keller give you any idea of how long she needed to test your blood?" John asked me. I glanced at him quickly before looking back at Colonel Carter, but it was more than enough for me to realise he was well aware of my fears.

"No," I replied. "Maybe I should go check, see if she's found anything?"

"Good idea," John agreed. "I'll come with you."

Not waiting for anything further from Rodney or Carter, John grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the office and down the stairs. We walked across the Gateroom in silence ... I was expecting John to say something but he didn't and I felt myself relax just a little that I wouldn't have to talk about the inherent horror of this disease just yet.

When we arrived in the infirmary Doctor Keller was standing in the middle with her arms wrapped around herself, a blank expression on her face.

"Jennifer?" I looked at her in concern.

"We just lost Gerald Baxter," Jennifer admitted sadly. "He was the most advanced patient. I was hoping that the deterioration wouldn't progress to that stage but ... we're running out of time."

"Did you find out anything from those blood tests?" I asked hopefully.

"What blood tests?" Jennifer looked at me in puzzlement, catching the concerned look John and I exchanged. Her face blanched and when she put a hand to her forehead I noticed it was shaking. "It's happening to me," she confirmed our fears. "I forgot Ronon had been down here for blood work too. I'll just ... Sabina, perhaps you could stick around while I run the tests, make sure I -,"

"Keep you company until the results come in?" I broke in; glad to have a real task that might actually help us find the answers. "I'd be happy to."

"I just need to talk to Sabina for a minute first," John told Jennifer. "Then I'll send her back in to you."

Jennifer nodded gratefully, moving across to the refrigerated unit where they usually filed and stored patient samples. John didn't let me protest, once again grabbing my hand and drawing me out into the corridor. He said nothing as he led me past several doorways before he found what he was looking for. Swiping a hand over the door control he guided me into one of the storage rooms and closed the door behind us.

"I don't think we have time for this," I quipped, trying to smile in the face of John's serious expression and failing miserably. Looking away I couldn't help the almost pleading tone in my voice. "Don't do this right now John ... please."

"I can't even begin to imagine how horrible this is gonna be when everyone forgets who they are," John ignored my attempts to bury my head in the sand. "The only thing worse is being the only person who _does_ remember."

"Teyla and Ronon are still both okay too," I pointed out. "And Jennifer will work out what this is so maybe it won't get that far."

"She will," John agreed, "but probably _not_ before the rest of us completely lose ourselves."

"Are you scared?" I asked, finding I needed to take a seat on one of the larger crates now I'd realised I _wasn't_ going to avoid the difficult conversation. "I can't think of anything worse than losing memories ... although I guess once you're there you won't know what it is you've lost so maybe it won't be that bad."

"I'm worried about you," John admitted, coming over to sit beside me. "I don't know what I'm gonna be like. I just wanted to get you alone so I could tell you something. It might _seem_ like I don't remember you but I will – deep down where it counts I _will_ know who you are. I just might do a poor job of showing you."

"Okay," I said in a small voice, fighting the sudden urge to start crying.

"Sabina?" John nudged my shoulder, bending his head down to try and get a look at my face.

"Just ...," I swallowed hard, trying to reign in my emotions, "give me a minute here."

"Look, it might not get that far," John tried to rally my positivity, putting his arm around me and squeezing tight. "I just want you to be prepared if it does."

Deep down I already knew it would ... there had been too few hours between Katie getting the first symptoms and beginning to lose her memories. If my calculations were correct John had probably another few hours at most before he'd forget everyone and everything he ever knew ... including me.

Turning suddenly I launched myself into his arms, almost knocking us both off balance as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. John grunted at the effort of keeping us both upright, bracing his legs to take my weight.

"I hate this," I mumbled into his shirt. "I almost wish I hadn't gotten better because watching you forget me is gonna be the height of cruelty."

"You getting better might be the key to the rest of us getting better too," John reminded me.

I nodded reluctantly, content at that moment to just exist within the circle of his arms. I'd always been safe there – I knew who I was there. John was patient, letting me take the time I needed – it was his radio crackling that ended our brief interlude.

"Major Lorne needs help rounding up personnel," John told me.

"You have to go," I agreed, "and so do I – Jennifer needs to finish those blood tests asap." I moved to break our circle but John held me back.

"Give me a kiss first," he ordered.

So I did. And I made it a good one, throwing everything I had into imprinting myself onto him, like somehow that would stop memories of me from being lost. When it ended and John shifted as though he were going to break our hold, it felt too much like goodbye and I couldn't bear that. So I held him back for another kiss, making this one all about passion and sex and the promise of more to come. He had me pressed up against the door and plastered all over him before I made myself bring it to an end.

"I ah," John had to take a moment to get back to reality, running his hand through his hair as he tried to calm himself down. "Nice way to ensure I'm incapable of thinking about anything other than what I'd like to be doing to you right now."

I smiled unapologetically. "Whatever works," I quipped, stepping close and smoothing my hands down his shirt as though to straighten him out. I even went as far as trying to fix the mess he'd made of his hair but gave it up as a lost cause.

"Done?" John asked with a fond and somewhat bewildered expression.

"For now," I agreed simply. "Be careful ... husband."

"You too ... wife," John smiled, leaning down to kiss me again before he turned and left the storage room. I sat back down on our crate, putting my hands over my face and letting the tears come. I gave myself a few minutes of release before pushing it all back down inside, exiting the storage room in search of Doctor Keller.

oOo

My next hour was all about sitting with Doctor Keller, making sure she didn't get distracted by something else and forget what she needed to do. Jennifer seemed to mostly be herself as she ran tests on both Ronon's and my blood. Only the fact that she was muttering reminders to herself for the next step and occasionally struggled to come up with exactly the right term to describe something advertised that she had the illness and that it was slowly getting worse.

Jennifer seemed to be wrapping her work up to a conclusion so I took the chance to find out how John was doing, the ever present worry over him buzzing continually at the back of my mind.

"Ronon – how are things going at your end?" I decided the subtle approach would work better in this case.

"We're still rounding up the stragglers," Ronon replied.

"And John?" I asked quietly.

"He's fine," Ronon reassured me.

"No memory loss?" I persisted.

"Ah ... he might have forgotten where the Mess Hall was just a minute ago," Ronon admitted. "Apart from that nothing noticeable."

"Okay, thanks Ronon," I sat back after signing off, looking up at Jennifer and realising she was watching me. "I was just -,"

"It's understandable," Jennifer said with a smile.

"Have you got anything?" I asked hopefully, gesturing back to her computer screen.

"Yes," Jennifer agreed. "I want to finish searching the database and then I'll need to meet with the others."

"Do you still want me to -," I broke off when my radio activated.

"Sabina, can you come down to my office?" John requested.

"I'm on my way," I confirmed after raising an eyebrow at Jennifer and getting her nod in agreement.

oOo

"That's a really good idea John," I complimented, glancing across at Ronon and Major Lorne to see them both nodding too. John had decided that Evan should take a photo of John and put a message on it that might help in the future if issues over who was in charge began to crop up. "What can I do?"

"I thought you should witness this too, just in case Ronon is otherwise occupied," John handed Evan the instant camera and put a bland expression on his face.

"Are you trying to scare the Major with that face?" I asked semi seriously.

Evan smirked as he lined up the shot, taking it just as John let a small smile of amusement grace his face. Lorne pulled the developing photo from the front and held it out so we could watch the image appear.

"I never realised you were so photogenic," I quipped, impressed that John actually looked pretty hot even though an instant camera photo was never as good as a digital one.

"Let's see how you turn out," John grabbed the camera from Evan and did a rapid aim and fire shot of me. Ripping out the photo he raised it above his head where I couldn't get to it.

"You two get more juvenile all the time," Ronon commented, watching in amusement as I tried to reach as high as John could, giving up when I realised I couldn't.

"You'll get rid of that if it's horrible right?" I watched John's face as he looked down at the photo, his eyes twinkling as his creation slowly took shape.

"I'm not getting rid of this," John protested.

"Let me see," I made another quick swipe, this time actually managing to get the photo away from him. I'd never been that fond of looking at myself in photos and this time was no different. I had a smile on my face and I didn't look weird or stupid and that was usually the best I could hope for.

"What do you want me to write on this Sir?" Major Lorne drew our attention back to the reason we were all there.

"Just say who I am and that I'm in command," John decided.

"Yes Sir," Evan bent over the photo, writing his message carefully.

"Keep that in your vest pocket," John instructed Evan. "Ronon, make sure he doesn't remove it. Hopefully if we need it you'll remember taking it."

"Hopefully," Evan agreed. "If that's all Sir I'll return to patrol."

"Thanks Major," John waved a hand for him to get on with it. "Take Ronon with you ... securing everyone in the one area is our top priority for now."

Evan paused at the door to give me a more intent look, his expression questioning. With a shrug and a shake of my head I told him not to ask ... that for now I was okay and there was nothing he could do. Nodding in return he motioned for Ronon to precede him out of John's office.

I sat down at John's desk, looking again at the photo he'd taken of me. Making an instant decision I grabbed a pen and started writing a message of my own.

"Hey," John protested when he noticed what I was doing. "That was mine."

"It's still yours," I said, holding out the photo for him to reclaim. "I just autographed it for you."

"_This is your wife – you love her_," John smiled as he read the words I'd written to go along with my name. "And don't you ever forget it," he ordered with all seriousness.

"Even if it seems like you have?" I asked with a trembling smile.

"_Especially_ if it seems like I have," John drew me into him, hugging me fiercely. Pulling away he carefully tucked my photo away in his top pocket. "Let's go check in with Colonel Carter – see if Keller's come up with anything yet."

oOo

When we got to Colonel Carter's office we discovered that the rest of John's team was already there, along with Doctor Keller.

"I've completed the tests on both Ronon's and Sabina's blood," Jennifer reported. "Neither of them had any traces of the bacteria that seems to be causing this. I can't say why that is for Sabina at this stage but it did lead me to something I wanted to show you," she told us. She called up an image on the view screen of a big circular object all cratered and odd looking.

"This is the bacteria that is causing our disease?" Teyla asked curiously.

"Not exactly, but it's very similar," Jennifer replied.

"And you found this in the database?" Colonel Carter confirmed.

"I stopped looking in the database," Jennifer admitted. "I knew there was a reason why Teyla and Ronon in particular showed no signs of the illness. We don't have a lot of information on the Satedans so I started looking through Doctor Beckett's records on the Athosians." She pointed to the screen and continued. "This is a blood sample taken from a ten year old boy. He was suffering from something called, um ... er ... I wrote it down ..."

"Kirsan fever?" Teyla suggested.

"Yeah, that's it," Jennifer said gratefully.

"It is a common childhood ailment throughout the galaxy," Teyla told us. "I had it when I was eight."

"I had it when I was ten," Ronon offered.

"But this cannot be the same disease," Teyla continued. "Kirsan fever does not affect adults, nor does it cause memory loss."

"Well, that may be true but the structure of the bacteria is too similar to ignore. They have to be related somehow," Jennifer insisted.

"Wait a minute," Rodney clicked his fingers several times as an explanation occurred to him. "Maybe they _are_ the same. That would explain why the sensors didn't identify it as a threat."

"How is that possible?" Teyla asked.

"Well, think about it," Rodney relied. "I mean, this planet didn't have a Stargate until we came here. Maybe when the Ancients were first scouting this place, they accidentally brought this, er ... Kirsan fever with them. It got trapped here and over the course of ten thousand years it mutated to cause the symptoms we're now experiencing."

"That would also explain why you and Ronon aren't affected," Jennifer directed her comment to Teyla. "You have antibodies built up from when you were young."

"Well, if they have the antibodies, then ..." Colonel Carter was obviously thinking about the cure coming from that direction.

"It would take months to reverse-engineer a cure," Jennifer admitted grimly. "I mean, I'm not even sure it's possible."

"What about Sabina's result?" John asked. "She had symptoms and now she doesn't. Can we use that somehow to come up with a cure?"

"At this stage I can't even confirm that Sabina _had_ the illness in the first place," Doctor Keller explained. "She may just have a natural immunity - which isn't medically unheard of. Even for things as deadly as the bubonic plague there were always cases of people who never contracted it, no matter how many times they were exposed. Sabina's headache this morning could have been simply that – a headache. I'd need to run detailed blood work to know more and to be honest that's a little beyond my current capabilities. A cure for this thing isn't going to come from that direction."

"The sap of the enchuri plant," Teyla announced. "My people have used it for generations to combat Kirsan fever. It is highly effective and not much is needed."

"Let's go get some," John stood up, all for immediate action.

"Take a Jumper," Colonel Carter approved the mission.

"Wait a minute," Ronon protested. "You've disabled the Gate, remember?"

When Colonel Carter looked confused Teyla clarified that. "You ordered Doctor Zelenka to take the control crystal. Where did he put it?" John looked at Carter worriedly before making the call.

"Zelenka, this is Sheppard. Come in."

Radek didn't reply ... which wasn't a good sign.

"Lorne, come in," John tried that angle instead.

"Yes, sir, go ahead," Evan's familiar voice came back strongly.

"You seen Zelenka?" John asked.

"As a matter of fact, I have," Lorne replied.

"Did you bring him to the Mess Hall?" John sounded hopeful.

"Uh, sorry, sir, but he gave us the slip," Lorne admitted. "Must have heard us coming. Cracked one of my people over the head with a metal rod and disappeared down a service hatch before I could get a shot off. There's no telling where he is now."

"We need to find him," Colonel Carter looked to John. "Colonel, take a team and search the area surrounding that service hatch."

John nodded, wordlessly communicating for his team to fall in. Looking at me he raised an eyebrow. "You want to come along?"

"I'd like to but shouldn't at least one of the people currently not affected by this hang around up here ... just in case?" my tone was reluctant because of course I'd much rather stick with John, even knowing Ronon and Teyla were more than capable of looking after him.

"Good idea," John approved. "You stay with Colonel Carter until you hear back from us."

Raising a hand in farewell he turned and led the rest of his team from the room.

**Author's Note:**

Hope this wasn't too Sabina emotional/angsty ... it just struck me as odd that they all knew they'd be loosing their memories but noone seemed particularly troubled by that ... personally I'd be terrified if I knew in advance that was gonna happen to me!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 26_


	31. At this point you don’t even know me!

**Chapter 26: At this point you don't even know me!**

"Change of plans," John announced as he and the rest of his team walked back into the Control Room a short time later. I'd been sitting with Colonel Carter, both of us waiting with little conversation to hear back from John and his team. "We're not gonna get that Gate crystal from Zelenka so we go to the mainland instead."

"The plant should grow in abundance here as it does everywhere else in the galaxy," Teyla confirmed.

"All right," John said confidently. "Assuming we can find the stuff, how're we gonna distribute it?"

"I'll figure something out," Rodney offered with a long suffering sigh. Not waiting for further input he turned and headed in the direction of his lab.

"I will stay with Rodney," Teyla decided, looking at Ronon intently. "Do you know what to look for?"

"It grows like a weed on Sateda," Ronon confirmed.

Teyla nodded once before following Rodney's course.

"_You're_ flying the Jumper to the mainland?" I asked John hesitantly. "Do you think that's wise?"

"I still remember how to fly," John retorted indignantly.

"Yeah – _now_," I agreed. "What about in an hour from now? Because that's how long it's gonna take to get to the mainland. Then there's the time it'll take to find what we need and fly back here."

"Go with them," Colonel Carter ordered me. "I'll coordinate efforts here to keep everyone in the Mess Hall."

Thankful that Colonel Carter had directed my inclusion on the Puddle Jumper - because it meant I hadn't had to insist on taking the pilot's chair in John's place - I jumped up quickly and followed John and Ronon up to the Jumper Bay.

No words were exchanged ... John and I came to an unspoken agreement that he was still good to fly the outward leg ... he did everything the same as always, bringing the systems on line and getting us ready to depart. Only the slight hesitation before he got us airborne gave away that John had to actively think about something that usually came without conscious thought.

"Hold on kids," he announced, taking the Jumper up through the now open roof and into the sky.

The flight was smooth and the landing precise and just as soft as always.

Ronon jumped up immediately, grabbing the sacks for the plants and his blaster and making for the open rear hatch.

"Wait a minute," John's voice was suddenly confused. "What ... where ...," he broke off without asking a real question, slumping back in the pilots chair and covering his eyes with one hand.

"Ronon, go," I said softly, moving over to John. "_Go_ ... get that plant. I'll look after John."

Ronon sprinted off without another word, leaving me to fend for both of us.

"John?" I knelt down beside his chair and put a hand on his leg. He flinched, taking his hand from his eyes and looking at me worriedly.

"I don't know who you are," he admitted in a voice that sounded uncertain ... and strange to my ears. "I don't know ... I ... why are we here?"

"You're sick," I said, keeping my tone even and gentle even though inside my stomach was clenched in tight knots and my nerves were jumping. The change had probably been gradual the whole time he'd been flying us over here but it seemed so abrupt – one minute he'd been John and the next this confused and troubled man I didn't know. "There's a plant that can help you, that can help everyone back on Atlantis. Ronon's gone to get some."

"You want to keep me here," John announced suddenly, jumping from his seat and knocking me to the floor as he moved for the rear of the jumper. "You're planning something." He looked at me with suspicion and not a speck of recognition.

"I _do_ want to keep you here," I admitted freely, trying not to take his suspicion personally. I got up and walked slowly towards him. "_Because_ you're sick and you might get yourself in trouble out there without realising it."

"How do I know _you_ didn't do something to make me like this?" John demanded harshly. "You don't seem to be sick yourself – why is that?"

"_I don't know_," I ground out, unable to keep a hint of impatience from colouring my voice. "All I know is that when Ronon gets that plant we'll distribute it and make everyone better, including you."

"I don't want to stay in here," John announced, turning as though he were going to run out the rear hatch.

I couldn't let him do that.

"Stop!" I grabbed the Wraith stunner Ronon had gotten from the armoury and pointed it straight at John. He turned slowly, frowning when he saw what I was pointing at him. "Just in case you can't remember, this won't hurt you but it _will_ knock you unconscious for a while. Don't make me use it."

"You're shaking," John drew attention to the fact that the stunner was wobbling slightly as I struggled with the idea of stunning my own husband. Sure - it wouldn't kill him but I knew from first hand experience that is still hurt like a son of a bitch.

"You don't want to do this," John said with certainty. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to work out why. "Who are you ?" he asked suddenly, piercing me with an intent glance that was John Sheppard all over.

"Look in your top pocket," I told him sadly. He made to protest. "_Just do it!_" I shouted in frustration.

Keeping his eyes on mine John patted down his shirt pockets until he felt the crinkling of paper. Reaching in he pulled out the photo and looked at it silently for several moments.

"You and I are ....," he waved a hand between the two of us, "involved?"

"Every chance we get," I quipped. "We knew you wouldn't remember so I wrote you that message."

"But it doesn't really mean anything," John said thoughtfully. "I don't know but ... I don't think I just let you tell me what to do all the time. I don't trust that other guy and I just want to check on what he's up to."

"What he's up to is saving your life," I said forcefully. "And _no_ ... you _don't_ let me tell you what to do. Usually that's because you're a lot smarter and more reasonable than you're being right now!"

"I'll be back in a few minutes," John turned to leave again.

"You _won't_," I said urgently, my tone freezing him in his tracks. "You'll forget what you went out there to do and get yourself lost ... or worse. I won't let you do that – why would I let you do that?"

"I love you," John told me in a cajoling tone, trying to win me over without really understanding what he was saying. He held up the photo as though that should be proof enough.

"You _love_ me?" I laughed grimly. "At this point you don't even know me!"

"I _do_ know you," John disagreed. "I can't remember how but ... I feel the connection."

"Then listen to me for God's sake," I said impatiently. "Just sit down and stay put for five damn minutes – give Ronon a chance to make it back here. If he'd not back by then I'll take you out there myself. Deal?"

"Deal," John capitulated suddenly, sinking down onto one of the back seats and putting his head in his hands.

"Headache still bad?" I asked worriedly, moving to sit beside him.

"My head's throbbing," John admitted freely. Curiously one of the things he'd forgotten was that he usually only admitted to pain if he could hardly walk in a straight line and even then it was vastly understated.

"I'm sorry I can't give you anything," I put an arm around him cautiously, not sure the personal contact would be welcome. He let me though, both of us sitting silently gazing out into the forest. It had still been light when we'd set out but now it was dusk – the darkness making everything seem that much more ominous ... and depressing.

The crashing through the trees announced Ronon's approach before we caught sight of him. John started to become agitated again until I reminded him that it was Ronon and we'd been expecting him. I wondered whether he even remembered the beginning of our conversation only a short while before. The fact that he was clutching that photo tightly and looking down at it every now and then as if to check the words told me short term memory was just as much an issue with this disease as long term memory.

"Did you get it?" I called out to Ronon while he was still a ways from the rear hatch.

"Yeah," Ronon held up two bulging bags, throwing them inside the jumper and looking at John curiously. "He okay?"

"You mean _apart_ from the fact that he doesn't know who anyone is?" I asked sarcastically. "Sure ... we're all just peachy here!"

"She's my wife," John announced proudly, holding up the photo for Ronon to see.

"That she is buddy," Ronon smiled when he read what I'd written. "You'll be remembering that without assistance just as soon as we get this plant back to Atlantis."

"Okay, everyone have a seat," I took the pilots chair and quickly got us into the air and headed back to Atlantis.

oOo

"That's it," I announced, parking the Jumper in the Jumper Bay.

"Come on, help me with the stuff," Ronon gestured for John to pick up one of the sacks. "We've gotta get this to Teyla right away."

"Who?" John predictably asked.

"Never mind," I took his hand and drew him down the ramp. "Let's just go with Ronon for now."

Of course that was going to be easier said than down. As soon as we got clear of the Jumper we were confronted with a group of soldiers, all aiming Wraith stunners at us.

"Hands in the air, now," Lieutenant Kemp ordered. I slowly raised mine, looking for Ronon to get them on our side.

"Listen, Lieutenant, this is medicine," Ronon tried to explain. "We need to deliver it."

"I said hands in the air," Kemp said intently. He watched dispassionately as Ronon dropped the sacks and raised his hands, glaring in anger at the soldiers who stepped closer to disarm him.

"Let's take them to the Brig," Kemp decided.

"You can't do that," I protested. "The plants in these sacks will help everyone get better."

"What the hell is going on here?" Major Lorne arrived, looking pale and sweaty and frankly a little scary with the level of hyper awakeness he seemed to be exhibiting.

"Sir, we caught these people trying to infiltrate the base," Kemp reported.

"Lorne, you've got to listen to me," Ronon insisted. "Everybody on this base is gonna die if you don't."

"And who are you?" Major Lorne demanded without any indicator we looked remotely familiar to him.

"Evan," I urged him to look at me. "I'm Sabina ... I'm on your team - you _know_ me."

"I'm sorry ma'am but I _don't_ know you," Evan replied, his tone suggesting he thought _I_ was the one with the problem. He looked at me too - gave me the once over and everything ... it was disturing how someone I'd spent so much time with over a span of years could see nothing that gave us a connection.

"You do!" I insisted a bit childishly, barely resisting the urge to stamp my foot in frustration. "If you look in your pocket you'll see - we have proof."

"What?" Evan asked in confusion.

"Just look in your vest pocket," Ronon ordered sternly.

Major Lorne reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo of John we'd given him. I watched as he read the words printed at the bottom. "_Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. He is your commanding Officer. Trust him_."

"_You_ took that photo – wrote those words – just in case it came to this," I reminded him.

"They're telling the truth," Lorne told his team as soon as he'd digested the meaning - there was no hesitation in his decision but I wasn't sure if that was because he remembered writing the words themselves or because they were enough to have in believing in _us_. He looked at John and added "This is our commanding officer."

"That's right," John said in a vague tone. "I am your commanding officer, so you should do what I say."

"Yes, sir," Lorne replied respectfully. All the soldiers put away their stunners and stepped back. "What are your orders?"

"Do what she says," John decided after a few moments of thought, pointing at me.

"Ronon, take that medicine to Teyla," I said immediately. "We'll follow along but don't wait for us."

"Gun," Ronon demanded, taking his blaster back and then bending down for the sacks of native plants. "Follow me."

oOo

I wasn't sure what to expect once we'd hooked up with Rodney, Teyla and the others so it was a huge relief to find that they'd completed the programs necessary to dispense the effects of the plant sap to everyone. Teyla took care of all of that herself, leaving Ronon and I to prepare everyone. When the plant took effect it would knock everyone out – they wouldn't wake up until the illness had run its course - so we needed to make sure they were all as comfortable as possible _before_ we administered the treatment.

It was easy to settle Rodney and his little band of rebels. In fact they all seemed relieved to have someone else in charge who gave the appearance of knowing what they were doing. John was a little more difficult, still fighting the need to give up all of his control so that someone else could look after him.

"Come on," I took his hand and led him back to the infirmary, still deserted since we'd decided to keep everyone in the Mess Hall rather than relocate them. "Time for a sleep," I announced, urging him up onto one of the beds, taking his boots off and then tucking him in tight.

"Don't," John grabbed my hand when I moved to get another blanket.

"I wasn't going anywhere," I reassured him. "Just to get more blankets and clean up in here a bit." John let my hand go slowly, keeping a solemn glance on me as I moved around the infirmary, putting to rights as much of the mess as I could. Bringing his blanket back I tucked it around him and then pulled up a chair.

"Okay?" I put a hand over his, my heart warmed at the way he turned his hand over and then held on tightly to mine.

"Don't go anywhere," he said quietly.

"I'm here for the duration," I promised him.

"Sabina," Teyla's voice came over the city intercom system. "We're releasing the medicine now. Stand by."

"Sleep tight," I pulled John's hand to my lips and pressed a kiss there. He kept his eyes on me. I could see the desire to sleep washing over him moments before he closed his eyes and relaxed.

oOo

It took John nearly twenty four hours to wake up, much longer than almost anyone else. Doctor Keller had given up on trying to get me to leave .... and on trying to convince me I shouldn't worry just because John was slower to wake than the others.

"Sabina?" John's voice called me back from the light doze I'd been drifting in. I watched hopefully as he opened his eyes and looked around. When he turned his gaze back to mine and I looked into those beautiful hazel eyes it almost brought tears to mine ... I saw recognition there. He _knew_ who I was and the relief of that was overwhelming.

"You're awake," I gave him a slightly wavering smile. "Do you know who you are?"

"Captain Han Solo," John replied seriously. "What happened?"

"Oh very funny," I shook my head at him before trying to explain the whole sequence of events that had led to him waking up in the infirmary 24 hours later. "How's your memory?"

"All there ... I guess. Maybe a bit fuzzy," John replied thoughtfully. "Of course I won't know if I'm missing anything unless someone calls me up on it."

"True," I let out a jaw splitting yawn that had John frowning.

"Did you stay here the whole time I was out of it?" he asked.

"Had to," I dismissed. "I promised you I would."

"Well I'm awake now so you can go get some sleep," John returned sternly.

"I'll just get Doctor Keller to check you out first," I replied, looking around for Jennifer.

It was only after she gave John the all clear that I truly relaxed inside, happy to head back to our quarters because Jennifer promised that John would be released from the infirmary probably while I was still catching up on my sleep.

oOo

I would have just put the whole Kirsan fever thing behind me if not for the conversation I had with Doctor Keller about a week later.

"You wanted to see me Doc?" I stood in the doorway of her office, a bit nervous because when a doctor says they want to talk to you the immediate assumption is that it can't be good.

"Thanks for coming down Sabina," Jennifer motioned for me to take a seat. "With things back to normal in the infirmary I finally had a chance to compare your blood test results with Ronon's."

"And?" I asked hesitantly.

"And we have ourselves a bit of a medical mystery," Jennifer admitted. "You have antibodies to Kirsan fever so you _did_ have a mild case of the disease. Only problem is they're not all from the outbreak we had here."

"How could you possibly know that?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Because I finally found the Ancient records on the virus," Jennifer explained. "Teyla and Ronon have antibodies only to the more modern version of the virus, the one Doctor Beckett studied. You have those too but also antibodies much more closely related to the ones described by the Ancients. That's why you suffered some of the effects of the virus initially – because your body had to adapt its defences to account for the changes in the virus over thousands of years."

"Maybe I had the original virus sometime in the last three years and we just didn't know it," I suggested weakly. "That could happen right?"

"It could," Jennifer agreed in a tone that said 'unlikely'. "I checked your medical record though and apart from that one cold which Colonel Sheppard had at the same time you haven't been sick enough to have had Kirsan fever. Clearly that cold wasn't the fever because John didn't have any defences against this latest outbreak."

"So what are you suggesting?" I asked weakly.

"To be honest I don't know," Jennifer replied. "I'll do some more research as time permits but for now it'll have to remain a mystery. I just thought you'd want to hear where we were at so far."

"Thanks for letting me know," I got up, thoughts whirling, and absentmindedly wished her a good night.

oOo

Explaining what Jennifer had told me to John in our quarters late that night left us both puzzled and in my case frustrated too. John seemed quite relaxed about it, willing to go with the 'I'd been exposed somehow' explanation that did make the most sense, no matter how unlikely it was in practice.

"It's just an antibody, Sabina" John tried to put it into perspective for me. "Don't we all have hundreds of those, most of which we'd have no idea how we got?"

"Not to an illness native to this galaxy! This isn't something I was born with John," I almost snarled angrily. "How the hell did I get antibodies if I never had Kirsan fever before this outbreak?"

"I don't know," John admitted. "All I do know is that you said Doctor Keller is following it up for you – if there's a way she'll find out why. In the mean time you need to let this go – there's nothing you personally can do."

"Maybe not," I agreed as a sudden thought occurred to me. "Did you destroy that paper Rodney gave you when he was super-gened – the one about my parents?"

"Ah," John hesitated, clearly trying to assess my mood.

"Don't worry," I smiled easily, "I'm not gonna be mad if you didn't. I clearly remember telling you to get rid of it - as in get it out of my sight. What you chose to do with it afte that was up to you."

"I kept it," John admitted. "It was too valuable to just destroy ... I couldn't help but think one day you might want to find out more."

"Yeah, well I'm not sure I do," I replied thoughtfully. "But if Jennifer can't find anything else I might have to."

"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it," John put an arm around me bracingly. I let myself be comforted by his familiar strength and reassurance ... he was right, time enough to worry about that when there was a need.

**Author's Note:**

Reader Traffic on the story has dropped off considerably since the beginning ... am I posting too much/too fast/too slow? I'd rather go with one of those explanations than the more obvious "it's just not blowing up my skirt" interpretation *winks*. Please stick with the story - there's good stuff coming up, I promise!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 27_


	32. Okay, let’s do this dance thing

**Chapter 27: Okay, let's do this dance thing**

I'd put it off as long as I could but after the trauma of the Kirsan fever outbreak I finally agreed with John that a party was just what people needed to feel normal again. And so I pulled out all the stops and with Teyla's help finally organised that 'wedding' reception we'd been promising ... complete with invitations both within Atlantis and back on Earth. As the RSVPs came in I became more and more nervous about the whole thing, until the day of the party dawned and I was so worked up I could barely hold myself still.

"What time are they getting here again?" I sat up in bed abruptly, looking down at John in the early hours of the morning.

"Mmm?" John mumbled into his pillow, still more asleep than awake.

"John!" I shook his shoulder impatiently. "When does General Landry gate in?"

"Sabina," John cracked an eye open and groaned when he saw the time. "It's 5am – can't this wait until I don't know ... _daylight_?!"

"It was your idea that we do this," I reminded him grimly, "and if a bit of sleep loss is the worst you have to suffer then count yourself lucky!"

"It's just a party," John said with a touch of exasperation. "You're taking this way too seriously."

"I told you I was no good at this," I slumped back down miserably. "I hate parties, and I've discovered over the last few days that the only thing I hate worse than parties is having to organise one."

"It'll be fine," John pulled me in close to his side with a sigh. "Besides, you're not running the whole thing yourself – that's what the catering staff is for. I'm sure you've picked nice ... stuff, so it'll all be good."

"You're sure I picked nice _stuff_?" I propped myself up on one elbow so I could look at him incredulously. "_That's_ the best you can do at propping up my confidence?"

"I'm still half asleep," John excused in amusement. "How about this?" Wrapping his arms around me he rolled us over until he had me pinned beneath him. "I love you Sabina Sheppard and I don't care whether people hate the food or find the music irritating or get annoyed with the decorations ... as long as they leave knowing that one important fact the party's a success in my eyes."

Pulling John down towards me I kissed him with abandon, my heart doubly warmed with the novelty of being a 'Sheppard' too and his view on what the party was about. John reciprocated, his reactions, his purpose making it clear he was more than awake now. Early morning intimacy was always something to keep close at heart but that day it was more than that ... shifting my focus solely to John was exactly what I needed to turn off my silly worries and relax.

I took that relaxation with me the whole day ... every time I felt myself getting nervous I'd remember what John said and end up smiling fondly instead.

It wasn't all nerves. There were people coming from Earth I was really looking forward to seeing ... the anticipation seeing me pacing the Gateroom in the early afternoon, a few minutes before the SGC was due to dial in from the Midway Station. I'd felt almost guilty that everyone we'd invited from Earth had to spend 24 hours there before they could progress to Atlantis ... under new rules courtesy of the IOA because of the Kirsan fever outbreak. It added 48 hours to every round trip back home but that was still a significant improvement on the three weeks it used to take on the Daedalus so I consoled myself that our guests would at least appreciate that.

John came down the steps to stand with me just in time to greet the first arrival, Colonel Carter joining us a moment later.

"General Landry, welcome to Atlantis," Colonel Carter stepped forward with a welcoming smile when the General was the first to appear. John stood to attention, that automatic military reaction he'd probably always have regardless of how laid back things were on Atlantis.

"Colonel Carter, Colonel Sheppard, Sabina," Landry replied, looking around with interest. "It's great to finally have an excuse to come here that the IOA couldn't object to."

"We're glad you could make it Sir," John spoke his welcome for the both of us.

"Speaking of the IOA," I drew John's attention back to the still open wormhole where the next guest was just stepping through, this one someone I hadn't actually _wanted_ to invite.

"Mr Woolsey," Colonel Carter turned towards the latest arrival. "Welcome back to Atlantis."

"It's good to be here as the official representative of the IOA," Woolsey said formally.

"Come on Richard," General Landry earned my eternal gratitude with his next words. "Why don't you show me around the city – let Colonel Sheppard and his wife greet the rest of their guests."

"Of course General," Woolsey looked pleased to have something important to do, something that carried the added kudos of demonstrating that _he'd_ been to the city before.

"We'll see you at the party Sir," John looked to his boss with gratitude of his own. We both then turned back towards the wormhole a final time, waiting for our last two guests to appear.

"General O'Neill," Colonel Carter greeted her former team leader formally, although the smile that reached all the way to her eyes made it clear she was personally glad to see him. "Daniel!" Carter grinned as Daniel swept her up in a big hug.

"Colonel," O'Neill greeted John first and then turned to me. "And Mrs Sheppard ... I must admit I was surprised when I heard you'd actually married this guy."

"He gave me an order I couldn't refuse," I quipped. "Plus you know ... he's hot, so ...,"

"And embarrassed," General O'Neill returned with obvious amusement as he watched John's face redden in reaction.

"It's good of you to come all the way out here like this Sir," John ignored the teasing, speaking respectfully.

"I'd go a lot further than this for really good wedding cake," General O'Neill replied with a faint smirk. "There _will_ be cake, right?"

"Of course General," I laughed at his teasing. "As soon as we got your RSVP I put one of the chefs on that alone – it'll be a masterpiece of cake construction the likes of which you'll probably never see again."

"See now that's only gonna end in disappointment," the General complained. "And I thought we'd agreed you were gonna call me Jack."

"I didn't want to presume," I said easily. "You know, since the city isn't under the control of the Ancients and Mr Woolsey is off showing General Landry around the base."

"Presume away," Jack waved his hand vaguely in the air.

"I think you've hogged our hosts long enough Jack," Daniel stepped up and held out a hand to John. "Colonel Sheppard." He turned to me, raising an eyebrow. "Sabina."

"Hey Indiana," I smiled at his pained expression. "Did you find your Ark yet?"

"No," Daniel stepped forward and hugged me quickly before stepping back again. "It's a work in progress."

"Let's show our guests to their quarters," Colonel Carter suggested, gesturing for Jack to walk with her. Daniel walked beside John and I, looking eagerly around.

"I can't believe I've managed to get back here without anything happening to stop me," he admitted ruefully.

"Probably because it's for something completely frivolous," I joked.

"Probably," Daniel laughed. "How'd the party planning go in the end?"

"I think we all know how much I _love_ party planning," I looked at Daniel and then at John who was holding in a smile with some difficulty. "But I've finally decided that it's _our_ party and if everyone else hates it, too bad."

"We haven't had a real party here since Christmas two years ago," John reminded me. "You could serve hotdogs and beer in a tent on the mainland and have everyone coming back for more."

"Good point," I smiled as we arrived at the room we'd assigned to Daniel. "This is you."

"Thanks guys," Daniel walked inside, looking around curiously.

"We'll just leave you to get settled," I said, "and then ... "

"You've got free run of the city," John told him. "Just don't get lost or distracted because Sabina will have my head if you don't turn up on time tonight."

"Of course," Daniel's expression made it clear that as soon as our backs were turned he'd be out there.

The room next door had been assigned to Jack ... he and Sam had already disappeared inside when we turned to leave Daniel. "Should I check in with General O'Neill?" I asked John uncertainly.

"Jack and Sam will have a lot to catch up on," Daniel answered instead. "I'd give it some time before you offer the grand tour or anything like that."

"Thanks Daniel," I kept my real thoughts to myself but my mind was spinning with the possibilities. The more I thought about it the more I realised the truth of it – if Colonel Carter _did_ have a thing for another military officer then I was almost certain I now knew who. She had good taste ... if Jack were a few years younger and you know, not a General, and if I wasn't completely in love with John I would have totally been into him myself.

oOo

John and I arrived at the party together but were separated soon after when General Landry and Richard Woolsey arrived. I'd done the cowards thing and left John to talk with them after the initial greeting. Much as I liked General Landry I was still wary around Woolsey and didn't want to give him anything he could use against me in the future. The look on John's face as I'd left had said he knew what I was doing and thought I was being just a bit silly, but he let me escape without any outward protests.

John and I had gone for the same outfits we'd worn to actually get married in ... in seemed appropriate under the circumstances, especially since everyone had been personally invited with a request to dress up. That had been _my_ idea ... not that it was something I actively focussed on, but anyone spending time in the city couldn't help but notice we had some seriously hot men stationed there ... none as hot as John of course ... but still, very nice. I'd decided to do the women of Atlantis a favour and give them both a reason to dress up _and_ the chance to admire the men in more formal attire. It made a fun beginning to see how different some people looked wearing something other than their standard Atlantis uniforms.

"Did I thank you for your help?" I asked Teyla, sitting down for a moment at Team Sheppard's table soon after the party started. Ronan had ignored my request and dressed in his usual attire but Teyla had chosen a delicate blue shirt with flared sheer sleeves and a matching skirt that accentuated her colouring. Even Rodney had made an effort, swapping his usual fleecy pullover and pants for a nice dress shirt and trousers.

"Many times," Teyla replied with a smile. "I was more than happy to assist you, particularly for such a worthwhile event."

"Yeah it kind of bothers me that people are seeing this as a morale booster instead of just a party," I admitted. "I hope it's not a complete flop."

"Oh please," Rodney said incredulously. "The standard for these things isn't exactly that high you know." Before I could respond he was getting up, his attention on the doorway. "Hey – there's Katie – I think I'll go ask her to dance."

"It's just a party," Ronon looked at me intently once Rodney was gone. "Don't make it any more than that."

"What, like a statement to the IOA and the SGC on the success of John and I being married and still stationed here together?" I asked sarcastically. "Now why would I be doing that?"

"Mr Woolsey is a reasonable man," Teyla said simply. "I know you have had concerns about him in the past but I believe he genuinely wishes the best for everyone on Atlantis."

"Yeah, according to _his_ definition of what 'best' means," I added, relenting with a sigh when Teyla looked at me pointedly. "Okay, you're right – he doesn't know me but I don't know him either."

I'd been keeping my eye on John's conversation with General Landry and Richard Woolsey and sighed when he caught my eye and wordlessly let me know he expected me to join them again.

"Duty calls guys," I said, getting up and turning to smile at Ronon and Teyla. "Enjoy the party."

"Remember that it is your party to enjoy as well," Teyla urged with a smile. Nodding wordlessly I got up and went to play 'military wife'.

oOo

The party had been in full swing for a couple of hours before I finally felt justified in labelling it a success. There was a low buzz of conversation, couples dancing while small groups of people sat together talking and laughing. John and I spent most of our time visiting each group of guests, joining in and listening as a variety of conversations were held. It seemed that holding a wedding reception made people think they could comment on practically anything – we had topics ranging from opinions on the unique challenges of marriage in the Pegasus galaxy to requests for inside information on our plans for children ... for the purpose of scooping the betting pool of all things.

"And did someone scoop the pool on the wedding?" I asked Chuck curiously.

"Elopement back on Earth was a favourite with a number of punters," Chuck admitted freely, "but when you take into account the timing there _was_ one clear winner."

"Who?" John asked with interest.

"Major Lorne," Chuck smiled at my incredulous look. "I'm not surprised you didn't see that one coming Ma'am. I was in the Control Room the day you arrived home and if I hadn't known the bets already placed I never would have suspected the Major."

"He _knew_ he had the winning bet and he still gave me a hard time for not inviting him?" I looked around the room, trying to spot Evan amidst the crowd.

"Go easy on him," John said in amusement. "Seems he knows you pretty well."

"More like he had inside information," I countered. "There really should be rules about that ...," I stopped suddenly when I realised what I was saying. "I can't believe I'm talking about the betting pool like this – especially since everyone seems to be betting on us!"

"That's a good point," John raised an eyebrow at Chuck as he continued. "What else are people betting on these days?"

"Just the usual Sir," Chuck dismissed. "Who's hooking up with whom, which team's next up to be late checking in and for what reason, stuff like that."

"I would have thought that last one wouldn't have much competition," I looked at John teasingly. "Wouldn't most people be betting on Team Sheppard?"

"You'd be surprised at the number of different reasons people come up with," Chuck didn't deny John's team was seen as most likely to run into trouble.

"Anyone betting on Major Lorne for anything?" I asked hopefully.

"There were some bets regarding him and Teyla for a while there," Chuck admitted. "Rumour has it Teyla hooked up with someone from New Athos recently so that's kinda died away now."

"Teyla's got a boyfriend?" John asked in surprise. "She never mentioned anything."

"She wouldn't!" I scoffed at the idea. "Between you and Rodney she'd never hear the end of it."

"Tough but fair," John agreed easily. "Speaking of Major Lorne, he's heading over here now."

"Sabina, Sir," Evan greeted us almost formally. "Would you mind if I asked your wife to dance Sir?"

"Not at all," John waved a hand expansively, urging me to go with it. John and I had previously agreed we'd save dancing together for the end of the party since it'd make a nice segue way into ... other activities.

"I'm not sure I should dance with you," I looked up at Evan mutinously. "Not after I just heard you made quite a profit from John and I eloping."

"I wonder where you heard that," the Major glared at Chuck who had the grace to look slightly sheepish.

"Dance with the man Sabina," I raised an eyebrow at John's cavalier attitude. "What?" he looked at me in amusement. "Would you have preferred someone else ... someone _not_ on your team to scoop the pool?"

"Good point," I stood up abruptly, deciding to let Evan off the hook. Putting a hand on the table beside John I leaned in and planted a kiss full of promise on him. "Don't go anywhere," I ordered before turning back to Major Lorne. "Okay, let's do this dance thing."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 28_


	33. It was a great party

**Authors Note:**

WARNING! This chapter contains sexual situations probably creeping up towards an M rating (although personally I think it's still a T+). It also contains FLUFF ... lots and lots of FLUFF!

**Chapter 28: It was a great party**

Evan guided me out to the dance floor to a spot nicely inconspicuous in the middle of the other dancers. I'd decided on music couples could actually dance to as opposed to music where you just jumped around in front of each other. It had been a nice idea because I thought some people might appreciate the excuse to get a bit closer but now that I was participating personally I discovered it was actually a bit awkward. Major Lorne obviously knew a bit about dancing though because he had us arranged in the appropriate posture before I could blink.

"This is ... odd," I admitted, looking down to him even more than usual because my heels added another inch on top of the height that already had me slightly taller than Evan.

"How so?" Evan guided me quite expertly within the inherent space allotted to each set of dancers on the dance floor.

"Dancing's not really my thing," I admitted. "Probably because I haven't done much of it. You on the other hand seem to be revealing hidden talents here."

"My Mom wanted us to be well rounded," Evan said with an easy smile. "I've done a couple of best man gigs over the years too so having the skill came in handy. Haven't you and Colonel Sheppard danced before?"

"Um ...," I thought hard, trying to remember if we had. "To be honest I can't recall ... which probably means no," I admitted in surprise. "I probably should have danced with him first huh?"

"Maybe," Evan said with a laugh as he led us on a loop that took us close to the edge of the dance floor.

"So who else are you planning on dancing with tonight?" I smiled hopefully, wondering if just this once he might reward me with some inside information of his own.

"Not Teyla if that's what you're asking," Evan didn't give anything away with his tone. "And before you ask, _yes_ I did know she's seeing someone from New Athos and _no_ I'm not heartbroken about it."

"She _told_ you she was seeing someone?" I was actually feeling a bit hurt about that – I thought we were friends and yet Teyla hadn't shared that piece of information with me yet.

"Of course not," Evan reproached. "But she talks about this one guy, Kanaan, an awful lot – not like anyone else she's mentioned amongst her people. Pretty obvious conclusion to be made from that." Evan looked across to me intently, raising an eyebrow as I glanced around the room with a calculated look. Spinning me quickly back to the middle of the dance floor he shook his head ruefully. "Please tell me you weren't casing the room looking for someone else to hook me up with!"

"I would never be that crass," I retorted indignantly. "I was just ... thinking about the possibilities."

"I'm happy the way I am," Evan said with complete seriousness. "You're gonna have to trust me on that."

"Okay," I agreed with a frown. "Just promise me you'll keep yourself open to whatever might come your way."

"_Fine_," Evan grumbled. "Just don't be 'manufacturing' anything for me and we'll continue to get along."

"So," I looked at him expectantly. "How much did you win?"

"Never you mind," Evan laughed at my disgruntled look, leaning away like he expected some kind of physical retaliation.

"Don't worry Major," I returned loftily. "You just keep your ill gotten profits." I tried to maintain the air of offence but spoiled it when I caught sight of the twinkle of mirth in his eyes and immediately burst out laughing. "John's right," I said once I'd calmed down. "Better you than someone else on base. You realise I'm gonna chalk this one up in the 'you owe me' column right?"

"Because I knew you well enough to know you wouldn't go in for the big planned in advance wedding?" Evan returned with a frown. "That hardly seems fair."

"Tough," I laughed again. "That's just the way it is."

We danced in silence for the rest of the song and then began our walk back to where I'd left John. "Thanks for the dance Evan," I glanced over at him with a smile.

"You're welcome," he smiled at me in return. "I don't think I ever genuinely said congratulations – not properly at least. You and Colonel Sheppard are a good match ... it's pretty obvious he makes you happy. I know what that means to you and I know you'd never take it for granted. And ah ... it's good for everyone to see the two of you so happy."

"Wow," I stopped us just short of the edge of the dance floor and turned to look at the Major. "That's incredibly sweet Evan. Thank you." Before he could move away I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, laughing when I realised he was almost blushing.

"Are you flirting with my wife Major?" John asked sternly, managing to sneak up on us unexpectedly.

"Um – no Sir," Evan said quickly, stepping back with an uncomfortable look.

"Relax Major," I shook my head at John reproachfully. "He was just joking."

"I was," John agreed in amusement. "I only came over because I decided it was time I danced with my wife ... before anyone else gets the bright idea and beats me to it."

"Let's go then," I grabbed John's hand and moved us both back onto the dance floor, raising a hand to wave at Evan before he was obscured by the other dancers. "I hope you know how to do this because I've just discovered that I have no idea."

"I've got it covered,' John promised. Sweeping me into his arms he turned us quickly in time with the music. I'd thought Major Lorne was a good dancer but John showed him up – he was graceful (in a masculine way of course!), confident and sure, and he made me feel like I was a good dancer too. I lost myself in the music and the pleasure of being with him ... hardly aware as the first song ended and another began. I had a nice little anticipatory buzz going when John abruptly stopped.

"I'm sure you won't mind if I steal your wife away," Jack O'Neill stood behind John, obviously having just tapped him on the shoulder.

"Of course not Sir," John answered respectfully, running a hand down my back before reluctantly stepping aside.

"Don't worry Colonel," Jack promised. "You can have her back soon."

"I wasn't worried Sir," John grinned before turning to look around. "I think I'll go and ask Colonel Carter if she'd like to dance ... just until you get finished here."

I smiled when Jack frowned at that, waiting until John had walked away and we'd started dancing before speaking. "Enjoying the party?"

"It's had its moments," Jack replied, still frowning. "Did he just try to manipulate me?"

"John would never do that," I said serenely. "Why? Do you have something to worry about?"

"Don't you start," Jack warned, his expression unreadable.

"Okay," I agreed in all seriousness, meeting his eyes intently. "Can I just say that Air force regulations entirely suck?"

"You could," Jack agreed, "but I'd have to point out that that in no way applies to me."

"Of course not," I nodded sagely, deciding it would be best to change the subject. "Does Air Force training include dance lessons? Because so far I've been surprised at the skill level on display here."

General O'Neill replied by spinning me around a few times ... I was smiling delightedly as I tried to work out whether that was a yes or a no response. Our dance ended a few moments later and I walked with Jack back to his table. Daniel was sitting in deep conversation with General Landry. John and I had stopped by the 'Earth' table early in the evening of course but it was still as good a place as any to take a break.

"Nice dancing Jack," General Landry teased once we'd sat down.

"You can always get out there and show us _your_ moves Hank," Jack replied complacently.

"Where's Mr Woolsey?" I asked curiously, noticing for the first time that he'd disappeared sometime since my last visit to their table.

"Said he had a headache and retired to his quarters," Daniel replied. "I think he was a little uncomfortable with the social element."

"Sabina," Jack's warning tone stopped me as soon as I opened my mouth to comment.

"What?" I asked innocently. "I was just going to say that I'd have a headache too if I had to put up with the IOA as much as he does."

"I'm sure you were," Jack agreed.

I had my back to the dance floor but I knew as soon as John and Colonel Carter returned just from the expression in Jack's eyes. "Hey," I turned to look up at John with a smile.

"Hey yourself," John slumped down into the seat next to mine with a grin. "Are we almost done here?"

"What about speeches?" Daniel asked with a tone that suggested we'd be breaking some kind of rule if we didn't have any.

"I ah ... we don't need them and I'm sure everyone will thank us for not boring them," I looked to John for support but found him looking at Daniel thoughtfully instead. "John?"

"Daniel's right," John offered. "At the very least we should thank everyone for coming."

"That sounds like you're volunteering," I quipped with a smile. "Off you go then."

"You don't get off that easily," John denied my retreat, reaching down and pulling me to my feet.

Leaning into him I whispered a cheeky rejoinder into his ear. "Maybe not now ... but I hope to later."

John's eyes shot to mine before a faintly sexy grin appearing on his face. "I'll see what I can do," he promised.

There wasn't really a good place to stand for delivering a speech so John headed over to the table where the cake I'd promised General O'Neill had just been placed. Motioning for our resident DJ to cut the music John waited until attention naturally settled on us.

"Don't worry," John quipped once silence reigned. "This isn't the start of a long round of speeches. We _do_ need to hand out a few thank you's though ... and I apologise up front if I forget anyone." John then ran through the people who'd helped us organise and run the reception, including his team and everyone visiting from Earth, finishing with a blanket thank you to everyone for coming. "I have one final personal thank you to deliver," John said, turning slightly so he was facing me. "Thank you to my wife for putting in the effort to organise this party, not an easy task even without her 'love' of parties in general." Several people chuckled at that comment. I thought that'd be it but John continued. "I also have to take this opportunity to publicly thank Sabina for putting up with me ... I'm pretty sure everyone here would appreciate how ... difficult that can be at times, particularly when things don't go according to plan. Although she has paid me back for that on more than one occasion." More laughter resulted while I blushed at the very public declaration John was making. "I appreciate the respect and support our relationship has been given by each and every one of you ... I have absolutely no doubt that I wouldn't be standing here talking to you tonight, and so well adjusted at that, were it not for Sabina."

My eyes actually misted over as John concluded his speech, rounding it off with an exuberant kiss – the bend me over his arm kind – that had everyone cheering. Pulling myself back together I held up a hand until everyone had calmed down enough to hear me.

"I know these days it's usual for both parties to say something," I began. "But after John's very articulate words the only thing that comes to mind is 'what he said' followed closely by 'back at you'," I smiled at John as I said the second one. "I don't want to bring the mood down but ... someone once said to me that it is only in remembering that we truly honour those we have lost. So I'd ask everyone to share a drink, a dance, or a story with our losses in mind ... in that way we can honour the people absent tonight who really should be here." There were smiles and nods at my words which hopefully meant everyone agreed.

"Sabina and I are going to enjoy a piece of this excellent cake and then disappear without a formal goodbye," John finished up for us. "Please stay and enjoy the party as long as you like ... those of you not on duty tomorrow morning of course."

We stepped down to good natured cheering and laughter, making our way back to our own table where desert awaited. The cake was sublime which hopefully meant I'd lived up to my promise with General O'Neill. John and I took a moment, holding up our glasses to toast.

"To Carson, Elizabeth, Kate, Caritas and the other Ancients," I said softly, clinking my glass to his.

"To Sumner, Ford, Grodin, and every lost service man," John replied, clinking his glass to mine.

We each sipped once, looking around the room and seeing other people doing the same.

"Are you ready to call it a night Mrs Sheppard?" John asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes I am Mr Sheppard," I held out a hand, letting John pull me into his side, an arm placed firmly around my shoulders.

oOo

"It was a great party," John complimented once we'd made our way back to our quarters.

"I thought so too," I sank down to sit on our bed with a relieved sigh. "Don't get me wrong, it was great and necessary and exactly what I wanted in the end but ... I'm glad it's over."

"Me too," John knelt on the floor and lifted my dress slightly so he could take off my shoes. "I've spent the whole night drinking in the sight of you in this dress and now I feel completely intoxicated." John smoothed his hands up my legs under my dress until he could span his hands around my waist. Pulling me into him sharply he pressed his face into my midsection, breathing hotly through the dress fabric until I shivered at the sensation. "Did I mention how much I love this dress?"

"Ye -es," I drew out the word until it sounded like it had multiple syllables. "I wore it just for you."

"I know," John smiled a wild sexy grin up at me, "and I _really_ appreciate it." And then he proceeded to show me how much, making good on his promise by taking me over the edge almost before I could get in a proper breath. As always, his every move spoke to me at the deepest level – in his arms I truly did feel beautiful and special beyond anything I'd ever known. I could only hope that I gave him something approximating that in return.

John paused once he'd gotten us to the point of the most intimate of connections. Looking into my eyes he practically shook with the effort of keeping himself in check. "_Sabina_ ...,"

"_Now_," I urged him, pulling him firmly down and into me. "Let go John ... give me everything."

It was hard and wild and wonderful ... and over in who knows how long ... I'd completely lost track of everything but John and the way he made me feel so I couldn't have told you if it was a minute or an hour. John never let himself lose control outside of the bedroom; he couldn't and do his job properly. I had control issues of my own of course and it occurred to me that that was part of what we gave each other. A safe place and a person we could feel completely comfortable giving up our control to.

We'd been quietly snuggling together for some time afterwards before I spoke. "Thank you ... for what you said at the party," I said softly into the darkness.

"Well, I _would_ have told everyone I love you madly if I didn't think it would have embarrassed you too much," John admitted, squeezing me tight.

"I love you too," I whispered without hesitation. Curling into John's side with a sleepy yawn, I felt at once happy and content ... and exactly where I belonged.

oOo

Our guests stayed for a few hours the next day before heading back home via Midway. I'd had a chance to catch up with Daniel a bit more ... he was close to finding the Alteran Ark and frustrated that Earth continued to grapple with the Ori with little defence against their ships. No matter when he found it, it wouldn't be soon enough to satisfy him.

When their departure time rolled around, I stood with John and watched Sam farewell her friends. It had been hard for us to accept a new leader but for the first time I appreciated how difficult it had been for her too. Coming here and leaving behind everything and everyone she was familiar with, going from being the 'senior' person who knew the entire game back to the start ... having to earn that place back again. It was a tough ask and Sam had been doing it without even a hint of complaint or stress.

Jack was the last to step through the gate, turning to glance at Sam with a serious, unreadable expression before he disappeared and the wormhole closed behind him. John had to return to duty so he took his leave with a wave thrown my way as he exited the Gateroom. I stayed with Sam as she stood for a few moments in front of the empty Stargate.

"It must be hard," I said softly.

"Mmm?" Sam looked at me with a questioning look.

"Being separated from the people you care about," I clarified simply. "Makes me realise over and over again how lucky I am to be stationed here with John."

"The team dynamic changed when we finally defeated the Goa'uld," Sam commented sadly.

"_When Jack got promoted_," I thought but didn't say aloud.

"Teal'c spends a lot of time on Jaffa council matters these days," Sam continued. "He would have been here this time if not for his responsibilities to them."

"And General O'Neill's in Washington," I offered when she fell silent. She looked at me and I looked calmly back, letting her know I was aware of her feelings in that direction, that I appreciated how difficult it must be for her ... that I _understood_. And then she smiled.

"There is that," she said it lightly, still smiling. "Thanks for turning your reception into a full scale intergalatic Atlantis event Sabina. I think everyone benefited from the chance to socialise and relax."

"You're welcome Sam," I returned with a smile of my own.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 6_


	34. Interlude 6: She’s done this before?

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude ****6: She's done this before, right?**

I'd scheduled our off world visitors a leaving time in the afternoon the day after the party, in part to give Doctor Daniel Jackson an entire morning to explore the city. So I was more than a little surprised when I turned a corner on my way to McKay's lab and spied he and Sabina in the corridor ahead, holding what looked like a clandestine meeting.

No, actually it looked more like a drug exchange, Sabina handing over a sealed envelope insistently after Daniel had handed over his package to her. They were so absorbed in whatever it was they were up to that they didn't notice me ... my curiosity had me ducking quickly back around the corner and then peering discretely back at them.

Not that I thought Sabina was getting anything illegal from Daniel – the box he'd given her looked remarkably like a shoe box – for a pair of really, really big shoes. Still, the manner of their exchange piqued my interest and I decided to follow them.

"I've really been looking forward to this," I heard Sabina exclaim as they walked down the corridor together. "You got these here just in time ... this is gonna be great!"

They hit the first transporter down the corridor ... I waited for them to get wherever they were going and then tapped the transporter screen to take me to the same destination. Saw them disappearing around a corner just as I got out. Hurrying silently I continued my pursuit, frowning when I realised where we were heading.

A while back one of the exploration teams had stumbled across an empty room – an _enormous_ empty room with a high ceiling and decorations on the walls but nothing installed inside. The women had all decided that it was supposed to be a ballroom but the Marines had quickly commandeered it and turned it into a playing field for team sports.

When I arrived in the doorway and saw it was set up for street hockey I stepped back into the corridor so I could laugh without Sabina hearing me ... I now _knew_ what was in that box and I suspected Sabina was in the middle of a scam ... harmless but likely to be very entertaining.

Strolling casually back inside I nodded to a couple of the Marines who were already geared up – rollerblades, knee, elbow and wrist guards and helmets all in place.

"Mind if I sit and watch?" I raised an eyebrow when Sabina looked up with a start.

"Ah ... of course not," she returned with a slightly guilty smile.

"You played this before?" I tried to subtly let her know I wasn't going to ruin her fun.

"A time or two," she admitted casually, smiling at me wickedly when she realised I was playing along with whatever she had planned.

"Well be careful on those things," I gestured down to the brand new roller blades she was putting on. "They look dangerous."

"See I told you," Lieutenant Parker piped up. "Maybe you should reconsider this bet?"

"Yours and Brown's entire stock of chocolate and beer if I can beat you in a shoot off?" Sabina asked incredulously. "I think even John would agree that's worth the risk."

Then she had the audacity to raise an eyebrow at me, trying to make me a part of her little scam. Because she knew that I knew it was a scam – I hadn't seen her in action but she'd told me once she'd practically lived on roller skates for years once she was out on her own.

"Right John?" she looked up at me hopefully.

"Sure," I agreed, waving a hand to the playing area expansively. "Have at it."

Sabina grinned, finished putting her blades and protective gear on and then got to her feet. Making a play at stumbling forward awkwardly she ended up falling into my chest, counting on me to wrap my arms around her to keep her upright.

"Thanks," she grinned, hugging me tightly before shifting back.

"Wow," I looked up at her in surprise. "You're pretty tall in those things!"

"Just go and sit over there ... Shorty," she ordered me off with the other spectators.

Daniel was already sitting there watching the scene with interest.

"She's done this before, right?" he asked under his breath when I sat down beside him.

"I'd guess so," I replied without looking at him.

"Ah ... this should be amusing then," Daniel chuckled, settling back comfortably in his seat.

I followed suit, turning my attention to the field. Once out on the floor Sabina took a few turns around the playing area, moving slowly at first before picking up a bit of speed. Nothing too impressive in her technique but already I could see the boys on her team looked a little worried.

"How do you want to do this?" she slid over to the middle in front of the goals where Parker and Brown were waiting.

"Five shots each," Parker proposed. "Brown will goalie for us."

"You completely impartial Brown?" Sabina asked with a teasing grin.

"Of course," Brown said, offended by the implication. Adjusting the extra guards he's put on he moved over and stood in the goal zone, waiting for them to get started.

"You go first," Parker proposed congenially.

"No, I think I'd like to see what you can do first," Sabina countered. "Besides I have to use your stick because I don't have one of my own. Wouldn't want you to accuse me of damaging it before you take your shots."

Dropping the street hockey puck to the floor Parker took off at speed, flipping it professionally back and forth in front of his blades. Turning he headed for the goal, took the shot, and scored.

"That's one to me," he said on his way past Sabina back to the start.

He did the same thing again and again. Two goals. Three goals. A miss on the fourth shot. And another goal on his last shot.

"That's four to me," he said confidently, handing his stick to Sabina. "Tough to beat."

"Nicely done," Sabina complimented, taking the stick and testing its weight and balance.

Then she took off, much more skilfully than anything she'd shown before. She mimicked Cooper's first approach, flipping that puck back and forth with ease. She took the shot and slipped it easily past Brown's defences.

"One down, four to go," she smiled on her way past Cooper.

And then she switched it up, taking the whole skill thing to another level. Next pass she was swinging the rollerblades to and fro like a skier slaloming down a mountain. I think Brown was so mesmerised by the display he didn't even notice when she scored the second goal.

For pass three she decided on a little speed skating, approaching Brown so fast he was almost cringing when she slammed to a halt and wacked the puck hard enough that it bounced off the back net and back out to her position.

"Three down, only two to go," she told Parker cheerfully.

"I think we've been scammed," Brown commented to Parker when Sabina was some distance away again.

"You _think_?" Parker retorted incredulously. He looked over at me questioningly.

"Don't look at me Son," I told him with a shrug. "I had no idea she could do that. Perhaps you should have checked ... _before_ you made that bet?"

"Yes Sir," he said miserably, turning back to watch Sabina's fourth pass.

This one turned out to be my personal favourite. Not only could Sabina skate well facing forwards but it turned out she was just as good facing backwards. She approached the net, did a neat little flip reverse move and with the puck in front of her and her eyes over her shoulder kept to the line that would set her hit the far right of the net if she kept going. When she was close enough she shifted her feet so her backwards line became a backwards circle ... at the exact right moment she let loose the puck and watched it hit the back on her way around the rear side of the net.

"Now we're even," she told Parker on her way past.

For the last shot Sabina didn't bother with the skating approach or any fancy footwork. She planted herself square in front of the goal, looked Brown in the eye and then psyched him into going left when she did a traditional hockey penalty shot straight into the top right corner.

"And that's five!" she came back to Parker with a smile but with none of the triumphant crowing you might have expected under the circumstances.

Brown made his way out of the net, ripping off guards dejectedly as he skated over to them.

"And what lesson did we learn from this gentlemen?" Sabina asked in a mild tone.

"Not to challenge you when there's chocolate involved?" Parker suggested glumly.

"No Parker," Sabina said, putting on a stern disapproving look. "Never assume ... and never underestimate your opponent. Next time you might lose more than just some chocolate and beer."

Getting up I walked over to them, putting an arm around Sabina's shoulders.

"You're not really gonna take their entire stock are you?" I asked curiously.

"Only with sacrifice do we truly learn," Sabina said piously, her eyes on Brown and Parker's miserable expressions. She couldn't hold it in though, laughing merrily at their demeanours. "I _am_ gonna take what we agreed on," she began, "but I never said anything about sharing it back with you."

"Really?" Parker asked hopefully. When she nodded he grinned happily. "Sweet!"

"So, who wants to play?" Sabina looked around at the others who'd been waiting for their little bet to be decided.

There were nods and discussion over who was playing on what team. Squeezing Sabina's shoulders I drew her attention back to me.

"Duty calls," I said in a low tone. "That was a pretty impressive display. Maybe you could show me some more of your 'moves' later ... you know, _in private_."

She blushed, glancing around quickly to see if anyone had overheard that pretty obvious innuendo. "I'll see what I can do," she replied.

"Hey Sabina, can you show me that backwards move?" someone called out.

"I have to go," she looked at me for a moment, smiled as if to say 'what the hey', and then pulled me in for a firm kiss right there in front of everyone. Without a backwards glance she was out there again, taking the spare stick someone held out to her. I watched for a few more seconds before turning and heading for the door.

"Your life must be interesting," Daniel commented as he fell into step beside me.

"You have _no_ idea," I replied with a proud grin.

**Authors Note:**

Okay - so there was no point to this chapter really - just my desire to show Sabina from John's POV ... and not during some kind of crisis or emergency. Hope you enjoyed my foray into fluff ... back to episodes with The Seer coming soon.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 29_


	35. No one’s answering the radio

**Chapter 29: No one's answering the radio**

"Where are Teyla and Jennifer going?" I asked John curiously, coming out onto the balcony above the Gateroom where he was standing just in time to see them stepping into the wormhole.

"New Athos," John said. "Tendol Festival plus Keller's gonna do some checkups. I think Teyla's got a date too because she looked dressed up."

"Kanaan," I smiled when John's eyebrows rose in surprise. "_She_ didn't tell me. In fact I don't think she'd told anyone. Major Lorne worked it out."

"He would," John replied, surprising me in turn because I'd never mentioned my suspicions in that area. "What you got planned for today?"

"It's all a bit quiet actually," I admitted with a sigh. "Not that I miss the great rush to work out some wacky Ancient device five seconds before the Wraith ... or the Replicators ... turn up to kill us, but ...,"

"It's a powerful motivator," John agreed with an amused indulgent look. "Why don't you do some more research on what was going on here when they had their outbreak of Kirsan fever – the one Jennifer found those references to? Maybe they mention other planets that had outbreaks - could explain how you got those antibodies."

"What, like a historical study?" I asked, the idea appealing to me because it was something I didn't usually concern myself with.

"Exactly," John smiled at the thoughtful look on my face. "You've got the database but who knows what else you could find in your library."

"That really is a good idea," I absentmindedly, already thinking about where to start. "I'll just ... I'll be in the library if anyone's looking for me."

"I thought you might," John was openly grinning now.

"Yeah, okay smarty," I shook my head because I knew exactly what he was grinning about. "I'm a geek – a very amusing one apparently."

"But _hot_ too," John took a step back when I mock glared at him. "I'll come pry you out of the library at dinner time."

"You do that," I had to smile as he strolled casually away. Turning my thoughts back to his idea I headed in the opposite direction.

oOo

"Sabina this is John," I looked up from the book I was reading, taking one hand from the containment chamber and tapping my earpiece.

"I'm here," I said, waiting for his response.

"Teyla and Jennifer are late getting back from New Athos and no one's answering the radio," John explained. "We're taking a Puddle Jumper to check it out."

"Okay – be careful," I appreciated that John always let me know before he did any unscheduled off world travel. It was hell to wait when there was trouble but I still preferred that approach ... better that than being caught on the back foot not even knowing Team Sheppard had gone anywhere.

"Always am," John signed off casually, not sounding concerned about Teyla or Jennifer. That was partially a ruse of course because Teyla was beyond reliable and if she hadn't answered her radio there'd be a good reason for it.

That reason became all too clear a couple of hours later when everyone was back on Atlantis. John caught up with me in the library a short time after his return and quickly filled me in on what had happened. As Teyla and Jennifer had told it the two women had been hunted by a race called the Bola Kai ... after discovering that the Athosian's had disappeared without a trace. They'd managed to scrape through, in part due to the assistance of a Genii soldier who'd later turned out to be less than trustworthy.

After giving Teyla a chance to get settled into the infirmary for the night I went down to visit her. She was lying still and silent in an infirmary bed ... alone in a way that had nothing to do with the area being deserted.

"Teyla?" I spoke softly and hesitantly, not wanting to disturb her if she was already asleep.

"Sabina," Teyla greeted me in her usual friendly fashion but I could sense the tension sitting behind everything else.

"How are you feeling?" I looked at her curiously, not really seeing any obvious reason why she would need to be in the infirmary.

"Apart from the concussion I am fine," Teyla reassured me.

"John told me what happened," I began. "If there's anything I can do to help you find the answers ...?"

"Thank you," Teyla said graciously, her eyes suddenly grimly determined. "I _will_ discover what became of my people ... and make whoever did this pay."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. "I really don't know what to say. Can we trust what this Nabel guy says? He lied to you the whole time you were with him. Maybe he lied about the Athosian's too."

"No matter," Teyla returned. "My people are gone ... finding them is all that matters now."

"You will," I said with the utmost confidence, firmly believing that to be true.

Teyla put a hand to her stomach, frowning thoughtfully.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked in sudden concern, something telling me there was more to her being in the infirmary than just a concussion.

"I will be well," Teyla promised.

"Okay ... well, I guess I'll leave you to get some rest then," I stood, glancing down at her as I reiterated "let me know if there's anything I can help you with."

"Thank you Sabina," Teyla smiled before adding a goodnight.

oOo

Seeking out Jennifer next I wasn't surprised to find her in her office .. even with the brace on her injured ankle.

"Doctor Keller," I greeted her from the doorway. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Jennifer turned to me with a smile. "It's just a simple sprain."

"John said you had a really hard time on New Athos," I left the opening there if she wanted to talk about it.

"I was completely unprepared," Jennifer said sadly. "There was nothing I could do to help Teyla. You should have seen her facing down ... _defeating_ ... three Bola Kai at once. It was incredible."

"But you came through at the end," I pointed out. "That has to count for something."

"For someone so out of their depth," Jennifer dismissed. "If I'd been better prepared we might not have been in that position in the first place."

"You're being too hard on yourself," I stated firmly. "Having said that though, if you're ever interested in learning some self defence I could help you. I'm nowhere near the class of Teyla or Ronon but it'd be a way to test the waters. If you get serious about it you could join one of Ronon's groups."

"Thank you Sabina," Jennifer replied with a grateful look. "I think I'll take you up on that ... once my ankle's all better."

"Excellent," I turned to leave, glancing back at her with one final comment. "Don't stay up too late."

oOo

It was the natural order of things that life would settle back into the Atlantis version of normal, apart from the fact that Teyla was not herself. Not in any blatant way of course, just tense beyond her usual state, quiet and more reclusive that we were used to. It was a difficult ask, to expect someone to go on unchanged after their entire race had disappeared. The Athosians were already small in number, the weight of too many losses something Teyla had carried as long as I'd known her. This was different though ... the idea that she could in fact be the _last_ Athosian something none of us had a handle on how to deal with.

Several weeks passed without any leads being discovered, despite our best efforts to search for forensic evidence or gather intel from our trading contacts. One morning Teyla and I met for our usual training session, this time the Athosian version of yoga/meditation.

"Do you believe it possible for someone to be a Seer – to know things they shouldn't know or be able to tell the future?" Teyla asked suddenly, drawing my glance to where she was sitting with her eyes closed and her hands one on each knee.

"I never really thought about it," I admitted. "Do you know of someone like that?"

"On Vedeena their leader, Davos, is believed to be a great Seer," Teyla replied.

"And you believe that?" I asked curiously.

"I would _like_ to," Teyla admitted.

"So you can find out what happened to your people," I concluded. "Are they peaceful, these Vedeenans?"

"Yes – in fact for the most part they keep to themselves," Teyla offered.

"If it were me I'd want to make use of every available means for finding the truth," I said earnestly. "Even if all the rumours _aren't_ true there has to be something factual at the heart of them. Like maybe the Vedeenans have really good intel which makes it seem like they know things they shouldn't. Either way it could prove useful."

"That was my thought as well," Teyla gave a small smile. "I will speak with Colonel Carter."

"Just," I hesitated before feeling compelled to continue. "Don't invest too much into this Teyla ... I don't really know how these things work but this guy could be exactly what you hope he is and still not be able to help. I don't think it's possible for any one person, no matter how powerful they are, to know everything about everything."

"I will be careful," Teyla promised. "Shall we continue with our meditation?"

"Of course – although to be honest I think there's little chance I can clear my mind now you've got me thinking about Seers and predicting the future."

"I am sure you will do the best you can," Teyla said, graciously amused because we both knew I _always_ struggled to clear my mind, regardless of what I had to distract me.

oOo

Teyla quickly sought and received permission from Colonel Carter for a mission to Vedeena. John and I talked at length the night before about what Teyla was hoping for and what we each believed was likely. John wasn't much on the spiritual stuff but he was willing to concede the possibility that there were things that defied explanation despite our level of scientific knowledge – and that this could be one of them.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been on such tender hooks over the outcome of one of John's missions. I'm not sure if it was the idea that he was potentially meeting someone who could foretell the future or the fact that this Davos might know something about the Athosians that had me more on edge. My tension level wasn't helped by the fact that Richard Woolsey was once again resident on Atlantis. This time it was to evaluate Colonel Carter – bad news for her but hopefully he'd be so busy with that he'd have no time to pass on the usual round of cryptic IOA messages he always seemed to have for me. I'd given up on trying to work out if he agreed with every statement he fed along the chain ... he might have been annoying but clearly he had diplomatic skills to rival even Elizabeth.

Waiting it out up in the Control Room ensured I was there when John dialled in at the scheduled time. It was always nice when the first hurdle of team Sheppard missions had been overcome. I had to wait until that evening before I got to find out what had happened with the Seer, partly because it turned out the story wasn't as simple as just what had happened on Vedeena.

"There's a Wraith out there who wants to meet with you?" I asked weakly, sitting on our balcony seat with John leaning against the railing in front of me.

"Yeah," John admitted. "There's really only one Wraith it could be and Colonel Carter confirmed the facial markings seem to be a match."

"The one who almost took your life and then gave it back," I concluded grimly. "I'm already not liking where this is going. You're not thinking you can trust him just because you saved each other's lives are you?"

"_No_," John looked at me with an expression that said I shouldn't have had to ask that. "I'm thinking we need to know what he wants and the best way to find out is to walk into their trap ... with a trap of our own."

"And you _know_ it's a trap because Rodney saw it in a vision from Davos?" If anything that part was freaking me out more than the idea of a Wraith asking for John by name.

"He seemed pretty convinced and the description we have of the rendezvous site is a dead match," John explained. "We have the upper hand here ... we should be able to apprehend the Wraith and bring him back here for questioning."

I didn't comment on that part, my expression and the way I shivered slightly more than enough to show John I was uncomfortable with the idea of bringing a Wraith to our new planet.

"Teyla didn't get to ask Davos about her people?" I asked, changing the subject abruptly before John could attempt to reassure me.

"No," John moved to sit down beside me. "Turns out Davos is sick ... really sick. I've assigned Major Lorne to escort Doctor Keller there tomorrow to see what we can do for him."

"I get to meet the seer?" I asked in surprise. "I knew we had a new mission scheduled for tomorrow but I didn't get a chance to find out what it was."

"Yes," John glanced at me curiously. "Does that bother you?"

"Of course not," I said quickly. "Just ... if he offers me a vision it's all right to decline, right?"

"He doesn't seem the type to force anything on anyone," John reassured me, standing and holding out a hand to me. "We better turn in ... it's an early start for both of us tomorrow."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 30_


	36. I have something for you

**Chapter 30: I have something for you**

Feeling apprehensive on a number of levels had me almost nervous as I waited for Chuck to dial us in to Vedeena early the next morning. Doctor Keller was standing beside me chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

"This your first mission since New Athos?" I asked Jennifer casually. She'd yet to take me up on my offer of assistance with defensive training and I'd lost track of specifically what she'd been working on since that fateful mission.

"It is that obvious?" Jennifer asked in dismay.

"Being wary isn't a bad thing," I dismissed lightly.

"But you don't get nervous before missions," Jennifer made that assumption in the spirit of being too hard on herself.

"Not usually," I admitted, "but only because I've been on so many now. Although to be honest I'm feeling a little bit nervous myself today." I smiled when Jennifer looked at me in surprise. "John's off trying to out trap the Wraith who almost killed him and we're about to meet with someone who may be able to see the future. Makes it a little hard to relax."

"Yes it does," Jennifer agreed with a grateful smile.

"Okay people," Major Lorne strode across the Gateroom just as the wormhole stabilised. "Sabina, you'll stick close to Doctor Keller while we're on Vedeena. I'll assign guard positions for everyone else once I've had a chance to assess the layout. Move out."

We were met at the Gate by a young blonde woman who introduced herself as Linara, and her two companions. Lorne made the introductions for all of us, Linara greeting us all with an open friendly smile.

"My father is especially looking forward to meeting you Doctor Keller," Linara shared as we walked through the field towards her village.

"How long has he been ill?" Jennifer asked, listening carefully and asking a number of follow up questions. Her conversation took us all the way to Davos's tent. Linara asked us to wait a moment while she checked on her father's condition, coming back with a smile as she urged us to go inside. Major Lorne nodded for me to follow Jennifer, motioning for Brown and Parker to stand guard outside the tent before joining us.

Davos wasn't outwardly what I might have expected from a great Seer. He sat on something I could only describe as a throne, made from the roots of a very large tree. He was older than most of the leaders we'd come across, blonde like his daughter, friendly of expression but very obviously ill.

"Welcome friends," Davos greeted us, waving us all closer. He looked at Jennifer first, urging her to step forward.

"Doctor Keller," he said, even though Linara hadn't introduced us yet. Maybe she'd given him the run down on all of us before letting us in the tent – or maybe he'd pulled our identities from the very air. Either way, his demeanour of knowledge was very convincing. "Thank you for coming to see me ... although I fear your journey may be wasted."

"Let me be the judge of that," Jennifer smiled, pulling her medical kit from her back and setting it on a nearby table.

"Major Lorne," Davos turned his attention to Evan. "I sense that you too are sceptical of my gifts." Lorne made to comment on that but Davos smiled good naturedly and shook his head. "No matter – perhaps when Colonel Sheppard's team has returned from their mission you will see things differently."

"Perhaps," Lorne replied easily.

"Which just leaves you ... Sabina Sheppard," I met Davos's gaze openly, curious to hear what he had to say. "I had the pleasure of meeting your mate yesterday – an intelligent and insightful man. You share many traits in common, particularly your willingness to keep an open mind."

"Well thank you for the compliments to John," I smiled proudly. "As for the rest ... I've seen too much over the past three years to discount anything as not being possible ... in some format or other."

"You wish to know more about my gift?" Davos wouldn't need to be a Seer to have noticed the burning curiosity I had about him.

"I'd be happy to listen to anything you'd like to share," I agreed.

"Well, you'll have to continue this conversation _after_ I've examined my patient," Jennifer broke in, holding up her portable scanner for Davos to see. "I'd like to use this to scan you if I may?"

"Of course," Davos was cooperation itself. I stood back a respectful distance with Evan, waiting for Jennifer to complete her examination so we could see just how bad it was.

"Interesting guy," Lorne commented under his breath.

"He had you pegged," I pointed out. "I wonder how John's team is doing."

"They'll be fine," Evan said firmly. "And if it turns out McKay's vision really does pan out just like he said then I'll reconsider my position on Davos as a Seer."

I nodded, something inside telling me that 'if' should probably be a 'when'. Time would tell.

oOo

Jennifer concluded her examine and then moved over to join us. "I need to talk to Colonel Carter."

"I'll have Brown run back and dial the Gate," Lorne lifted the tent opening and headed outside.

"It's bad?" I looked across at Davos and his daughter as I spoke.

"Probably," Jennifer agreed reluctantly. "I'd need to get him back to Atlantis to say for sure."

"It'll take the guys about ten minutes to get back to the Gate," I pointed out. "We might as well go over and talk to Davos, see if he can tell us more about how his gift works."

"You have time to talk," Davos stated when we walked back across to them.

"If you've got the energy," I agreed. "Doctor McKay told us about how you were able to show him one of your visions. Do you get to decide what you'll have visions about or is that outside your control?"

"You ask not for yourself but for your friend, Teyla Emmagen," Davos commented. "I would like to tell you I can conjure visions at will but unfortunately my gift has never worked that way. The visions appear as though having a will of their own ... I sense them hovering, sometimes over an individual or group and sometimes over a place."

"Oh," my shoulders slumped a little in disappointment. "So it's just random then?"

"Random in terms of the subjects I am offered," Davos clarified. "When a vision is there I _must_ see it and pass it on. In the past I have tried to resist this and discovered the visions most persistent until they are witnessed."

"So you don't get another vision unless you do that?" I asked in surprise. 'What if you have someone who doesn't want to share your vision?"

"Someone like you?" Davos asked with a good natured smile. "It is much rarer than you might suppose. I don't believe I have ever come across someone who genuinely had no interest in finding out about their future, even those who were initially resistant."

"How often do the visions strike?" Jennifer asked curiously.

"It varies," Davos explained. "In isolation here in our village it can be days or even weeks between visions. With the arrival of strangers they strike more frequently."

"And you've never found a way to control them," Jennifer stated with a frown. "Colonel Sheppard said when you showed Rodney that vision, it drained you. Is that always the case?"

"My father gets weaker after every episode," Linara answered sadly. "My people would not have survived without his gift and yet now it is contributing to his condition."

"If I get agreement I'd like to take you back to our home," Jennifer looked at Davos with a serious expression. "We have equipment there I can use to find out more."

"I would enjoy seeing Atlantis," Davos agreed with a twinkle in his eye.

"Doctor Keller, we have a connection back to base," Major Lorne opened the tent flap to give us that update.

"Thank you Major," Jennifer tapped her radio to make contact. "Colonel Carter, this is Doctor Keller."

"How's the patient, Doctor?" Colonel Carter replied.

"Well, from what I can tell, he seems to be suffering from a kind of lymphatic cancer," Jennifer stepped away from Davos and his daughter to report in. "There's not a lot I can do for him here."

"Have you detected any physical anomalies that might be related to his visions?" was that Richard Woolsey asking questions? Colonel Carter must have made some indication of being less than impressed he'd butted in because he actually apologised. "Sorry. Force of habit."

"I don't really have the equipment with me that's necessary to make that kind of analysis," Jennifer replied.

"All right, why don't you bring him back?" Colonel Carter suggested.

"Understood," Jennifer frowned over at me before continuing. "Um, just so we're clear - are we doing this to try and save his life, or to study him?"

"I'll have the Infirmary prepped and ready for your arrival. Carter out."

"I notice she didn't answer your question," I commented.

"No she didn't," Jennifer agreed worriedly.

oOo

A few hours later everyone was back on Atlantis, along with Davos and his daughter now safely ensconced in the infirmary under Jennifer's expert care.

John had just finished briefing Colonel Carter on his talk with the Wraith now being held in our brig. Sitting with him and the rest of team Sheppard in the Mess Hall I listened in stunned disbelief to what he and Ronon had found out.

"The Replicators are destroying human planets in an effort to wipe out the Wraith food source?" Teyla asked, grimly incredulous.

"So our Wraith prisoner claims," John replied. "He gave us a gate address – M5S-768 – said we should check it out to confirm his story."

"We've been there before," Rodney revealed. "It _was_ a thriving preindustrial society. Zelenka's preparing a MALP now so we can go check it out."

"So thousands of humans are potentially dying because I reactivated the Replicator attack command?" I struggled to keep the horrified inflection from my voice.

"One, _we_ reactivated the attack command, not just you," John returned insistently, "and two, if it turns out to be true, responsibility rests with the Replicators just as much as it does with us."

"That's a cop out!" I retorted impatiently. "We should have realised something like this could happen ... maybe we would have if we'd taken the time to fully consider all the angles instead of rushing in all guns blazing."

"Is this you saying 'I told you so'?" John's words brought to vivid memory that scene in the Puddle Jumper before we'd set out to access the Replicator core when everyone had disagreed with me.

"_Of course not_," I replied heatedly. "I'm just saying that if we'd considered what _might_ happen, if we'd thought about events in our own history, we could have anticipated this. Wiping out the enemy's food supply isn't exactly a new idea, nor is it rocket science."

"She's right," Rodney agreed. "The Replicators have shown that they'll go for the quickest way to achieve their objectives. At first that was wiping out Wraith Hive ships, but now the Wraith are fighting back. They've forced the Replicators to take a different tack."

"We must do something," Teyla intoned. "If it turns out this Wraith is telling the truth, we must protect the human planets in this galaxy. They will be defenceless against such an attack."

"I know," John replied firmly. "And _if_ it turns out to be true we will do everything we can to put a stop to it."

"The Replicators _have_ taken out lots of Wraith already," Ronon reminded us.

"I don't think the human populations will be thanking us for stopping the Wraith culling them if they only end up getting slammed by the Replicators instead," I shook my head in dismay. "They might not be food but dead is still dead."

"There's no point in speculating until we can confirm the Wraith's story," John took control of the conversation abruptly. "For now let's focus on what we get back from the MALP. They should be ready to send it through by now."

"I'll leave you guys to do that," I stood up and put a hand on John's shoulder. "I want to check in with Jennifer, see how Davos is doing."

"I will stop in to see him later as well," Teyla promised.

I tossed a casual wave towards them, turning and strolling out of the Mess Hall. My thoughts were swirling as they always did when unpleasant truths were revealed. I don't know why I was so surprised. It was just another example of how things seemed to work in Pegasus. We'd try something innovative and think we'd covered all the bases only to find when it was too late some usually obvious and predictable flaw.

"Jennifer?" I walked quietly into the infirmary, stopped a couple of steps back from where Doctor Keller was working. Davos was lying in one of the infirmary beds, his daughter at his side. "How's he doing?"

"He's stable, for now," Jennifer replied. "That's about the best we can hope for unfortunately."

"You can't cure him?" my eyes shot to Davos, only to find him already looking at me.

"He said with all his visions he was never able to see his own fate," Jennifer said sadly. "Maybe, if we'd gotten him here months ago I could have helped him. Now, all I can do is make him comfortable and manage his pain."

"Does he know?" I asked.

"Yes," Jennifer revealed. "Linara still holds hope but Davos seems resigned to letting his illness take its course."

"Can I talk to him?" I wasn't sure what I was going to say, only that the look he'd sent me called out that he wanted to talk to me.

"Of course," Jennifer led me over, reaching for her charts and looking at the monitors attached to her patient.

"Sabina," Davos greeted me like an old friend. "Linara, why don't you let Doctor Keller show you a place where you can rest?"

"But father," Linara protested.

"I will be fine in Sabina's company," Davos reassured her.

"Come on Linara," Jennifer put a hand under the young woman's elbow and gently led her towards one of the unused private rooms nearby.

"I have something for you," Davos said as soon as the other two were out of hearing.

"Please tell me it's not a vision," I winced at the idea.

"You truly are unwilling to contemplate the future?" Davos asked curiously.

"No, I'm unwilling to have it spoiled by knowing more than I should," I countered. "If you know what's going to happen, if it's set in concrete before you even do anything, then what's the point of getting up every day? Plus I don't want to see snatches of something and then spend the next few months wondering if each event is going to be what I saw."

"A unique viewpoint," Davos commented. "Most people welcome the chance to see the future with the belief that they can influence it to their advantage." His expression was easy but I could see behind that facade that he was in pain – from not sharing his vision?

"I'm not unique," I denied. "If you asked people here, a lot of them wouldn't want to know what was going to happen next."

"Perhaps," Davos agreed, shifting in his bed and drawing in a sharp breath as something inside dug in deep.

"It's going to cause you pain, isn't it?" I asked reluctantly. "Not sharing this vision with me?"

"Do not concern yourself," Davos neither confirmed nor denied my conclusion.

"Okay," I said abruptly, sitting forward in my seat. "Show me."

"You do not have to participate," Davos countered. "Doctor Keller's very manner tells me that my time is short. Whether I share this vision or not is inconsequential."

"Not to me," I retorted irritably. "I don't want to be the cause of an old man's last days being more painful than they have to be – no offence."

"You have a kind heart," Davos said with a smile. "If you are sure ...," he held out his hand, inviting me silently to take it.

I don't know if I closed my eyes or not but from one blink to the next I went from see the infirmary to seeing the Gateroom of Atlantis, only a version of it that made no sense to me. The place was full of Ancients – not Caritas or the others I'd known personally – they looked similar, wore similar clothes but they didn't have the same air of seriousness. They were relaxed, happy, with none of the urgency or grim purpose the one's I'd known had had at the end of their war with the Wraith.

My eyes were drawn to a couple standing in the Gateroom, holding each other in a tight embrace as they waited for someone to step through the open wormhole. Their expressions were at once sad and excited.

Before I could contemplate what that meant the scene changed. I didn't know where but I was definitely on Earth, sitting at a table in a darkened room with a closed file in front of me. The details on the front of the file jumped out at me.

_Sabina Scott. Adoption_.

I urged my vision self to open the file so I could find out more but instead found myself shifting scenes again.

This one was a slap in the face for obvious interpretation. It was a full military funeral. I watched myself standing at the grave site, weeping openly as a casket was lowered into the ground. I tried with all I had to wake up, to get out of seeing the rest but I couldn't, helpless to stop the emotions from churning inside me.

Was I crying on the outside too?

Of course I didn't need the tombstone to know whose funeral it was ... nor the solemn faced air force officer who handed me the elaborately folded American flag. But the words engraved for all to see burned into my brain anyway.

_Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard._

Why the hell did every vision I'd ever had, Replicator induced or otherwise, always have John dead? Was it a symptom of my greatest fear alone or something more sinister? And then suddenly I was back in the infirmary looking down on a pale and tired Davos.

"I'm sorry," he said sadly, waiting patiently for me to get myself under control.

"Your visions always come true?" I asked weakly, swiping at the real tears under my eyes.

"Always," Davos reiterated.

"I can't ...," I turned away angrily, folding my arms defensively across my chest. "_This is why I didn't want to see any visions!_ There was nothing in there to tell me when that happened ... it could be years or it could be next week. How is that helpful to me?!"

"I cannot interpret the vision, nor the reason it was shown to me," Davos explained slowly, clearly exhausted by his efforts. "Just that reason _is_ there for the recipient to discover."

"But surely with advance warning, knowing what's going to happen – it _has_ to change your actions," I insisted.

"Interpretations can be wrong, and -," Davos began to explain.

It happened quickly. Davos went from talking to convulsing in a heartbeat, his whole body arching off the infirmary bed as he shook and groaned.

"_Jennifer!_" I yelled, using all my strength to hold him down, fearful he'd fall from the bed and break something.

Jennifer ran in with two nurses close behind her, giving out orders for medications as she quickly assessed the situation. Gently moving me away from her patient she continued to treat him. There was nothing I could do but I didn't want to leave before I knew if he was alright, so I hovered outside the infirmary, waiting to hear something.

"He's stable again," Jennifer stepped out into the corridor to speak to me.

"That was my fault," I pushed away from where I'd been leaning against the wall. "He showed me a vision – I should have said no because I knew it would drain him."

"He's old and he's sick," Jennifer countered. "The convulsions had nothing to do with his gift. You didn't do anything wrong – we have no idea what suppressing a vision would do to him either."

"That's the only reason I agreed," I admitted. "He was in pain and I thought maybe it would help."

"Well he's resting now," Jennifer put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Once he's up to it I want to run some more detailed scans – see if I can work out why he has this gift. Why don't you come and see him in the morning."

"Okay," I turned away, taking a few steps before Jennifer's voice stopped me.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing that made sense," I glanced back at her to reply vaguely. "Atlantis from the past ... and myself back on Earth." Not waiting for her reaction I continued down the corridor, calling out a goodnight as I went.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 31_


	37. What do you think it means?

**Chapter 31: What do you think it means?**

"Davos gave me a vision," I spoke softly into the darkness. John and I had retired to bed after a troubling afternoon. We'd confirmed that the Wraith had been telling the truth and that it was bad. Three planets and one hundred and fifty thousand dead bad. It had been a no brainer for Colonel Carter to decide we had to find a way to switch off the attack command. That we were considering trusting John's Wraith friend to help us do that was something I didn't even want to contemplate.

"When was that?" John's voice settled into the quiet room, curious but not concerned that I hadn't mentioned it straight away.

"This afternoon," I replied. "I've been thinking about it since but most of it didn't make any sense to me. The first part looked like Atlantis except for the Lanteans running all over the place. I don't know why but it felt like the city before the Wraith were a real threat – not that I've ever seen that for myself."

"And the second bit?" John asked without commenting.

"Even stranger," I admitted. "I was on Earth in some kind of office, looking at my own adoption file."

"What was in it?" John propped himself up on one elbow and thought the lights on low so he could see my expression.

"I don't know - I only got enough to know it was about adoption," I replied, "nothing more detailed."

"Did Davos explain it?" John asked, still not commenting on what he thought.

"He said it was up to me to interpret it," I grimaced before adding "I've been trying all afternoon but I can't make heads or tails of it."

"I'm surprised you even let him show you that," John said mildly.

"Yeah well if he wasn't sick and in pain I wouldn't have," I said irritably. "I only did it because he'd already told Jennifer and me that suppressing the visions had never worked for him in the past."

"And you were worried about what would happen if you didn't let him share this one," John concluded, smiling down at me fondly.

"He's old," I excused my apparent soft heartedness. "What do you think it means?"

"No idea about the first part," John admitted. "The second bit seems pretty obvious given you were thinking about using the information Rodney gave you to find your biological parents. As for the rest, if what Davos says is true, if all his visions come to pass in some format then we're gonna find out eventually."

"That's what worries me," I muttered.

"Why?" John frowned down at me. "It's not like you saw things exploding or people shooting at us or someone dying." I couldn't stop my eyes from shifting away, something he jumped on immediately. "Or did you?"

"The vision shifted to something else at the end," I said the last bit reluctantly, having warred with myself all afternoon over whether I should tell him what I'd seen.

"To something worse?" John once again seemed to tune in on my emotions – he _knew_ I'd seen something I didn't like ... and that it was about him.

"There was nothing in there to tell me when," I deliberately didn't admit to the specifics, knowing he'd already filled in the blanks himself. "Apart from the fact that I wasn't old and grey."

"You saw me dead," John stated quietly.

I nodded wordlessly, lips quivering as I tried to hold back the sudden urge to burst into tears.

"_Sabina_," John began but I put a hand over his mouth, shaking my head emphatically.

"I _can't_ talk about this ... besides, if I have anything to say about it, it's not going to happen!" I spoke firmly, my expression telling him not to push it. Changing the subject just reinforced that I didn't want to go there. "What was it like seeing that Wraith again?"

"Very strange," John let me off the hook easily. "You know how it is, after a while it almost seems like the bad things happened to somebody else. Seeing him threw that tactic out the door."

"But you're okay?" I shifted to look at him more closely.

"I'm fine," John reassured me. "A little disturbed that I've become the 'expert' on the Wraith so everyone expects me to know whether we can believe this one or not. Carter's still considering whether we should play along ... I'm thinking his offer is genuine only because they need to turn off that directive just as much as we do."

"A hundred and fifty thousand dead," I recited sadly. "I can hardly contemplate such large numbers in any real sense. We shouldn't have turned the attack command back on – we trusted the Replicators to act as we would but they're machines, they don't care about ethics or compassion."

"Rodney was trying to blame himself as well," John drew me into his side and whispered a kiss into my hair. "I'll tell you what I told him. It was _my_ call and at the time I believed it was the _right_ one. We had a once only opportunity to make a serious dent in the Wraith as a threat to everyone – we had to take it. The important thing now is for us to fix it before any more worlds get destroyed by the Replicators."

"Agreed," I nestled my head against his chest with a sigh. "Just once it would be nice if the side effect was something in our favour, instead of something that just makes everything worse."

"That _would_ be nice," John agreed, running a hand absently through my hair. "There's nothing we can do right now ... except sleep."

"I guess," I agreed with another sigh, pushing my worries, my fears and my guilt to the back of my mind so that they were a dull buzz instead of an insistent roar. "'Night John."

"'Night Sabina."

oOo

John was called away very early the next morning to meet again with Colonel Carter and Richard Woolsey. I decided to check on our Vedeenan visitors before catching up with Rodney. It was strange ... part of me was angry with Davos for showing me what he had but the rest was actually concerned for him. I _liked_ him ... despite what he did for a living! Getting bad news in a vision didn't seem to make a difference to that.

Davos was sitting up in his bed talking with his daughter when I arrived. I approached hesitantly, looking for any signs that he wasn't keen on visitors.

"Sabina," Davos caught sight of me and smiled a friendly welcome. Smiling in return I walked the rest of the way over to them.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked in concern.

"No worse than yesterday," Davos replied complacently. "How are you?" He looked at me closely, really asking me how I was coping with the vision revelations.

"Still firmly determined this is gonna be your first incorrect vision," I said firmly.

"It is not the first time I have also hoped to be wrong," Davos offered. I nodded, appreciating how hard it must have been to show people things worse than they'd been hoping for. "I would like to see more of your wonderful city than just this room," Davos said wistfully. "Linara is worried the exercise will exhaust me."

"I'll check with Doctor Keller," I offered, glancing at Linara with a smile. "If she says okay then you can be sure it won't do any harm. She always keeps us here long after we're ready to get out."

"Thank you Sabina," Linara said gratefully. "If you hadn't turned up I believe my father would have insisted on leaving the infirmary even without permission."

"I'll be right back," I promised, turning and heading towards Jennifer's office. A few minutes later Davos had his freedom, but only to visit a nearby balcony. Linara pleaded for me to accompany him there, promising she'd go and get something to eat if she was sure he was settled.

"You know, I see more than just the glimpses of the future I have shown you," Davos offered as I walked slowly with a supporting hand under his elbow.

"That was pretty obvious too," I smiled easily, guiding him through the doors to the balcony. "You seem to have most of us pegged pretty accurately."

"You find it difficult at times, feeling you've been given your position here for reasons other than your skills," Davos said, putting his hands on the balcony railing and gazing out over the city.

"I'm just ... aware that it's unique within the expedition for a husband and wife to be posted here together," I explained. "Sometimes I feel like I need to do something to show everyone how much I appreciate that."

"Your relationship with Colonel Sheppard is very strong," Davos looked over at me with an intent expression. "Do not let the barriers you imagine get in the way of taking that wherever you want it to go."

"I, I ah ...," I couldn't believe he actually had me almost stuttering in surprise. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about," I tried to deny he had seen so clearly things I'd hardly acknowledged to myself I was even thinking.

"I speak of children, as you well know," Davos said with an amused look.

"We're a long way from home," I pointed out, "and to be honest I don't know how John would feel about me staying here if I were to get pregnant right now. I can't deny the thought has occurred to me lately, but there's so much going on with the Wraith and the Replicators ... besides I don't know if I'm even ready yet."

"There will always be dangers," Davos said sadly, "and I don't believe any expectant parent can ever truly be ready for parenthood. I would remind you now of the vision I showed you, painful as it was ... and tell you not to leave it too long. Opportunity is there ... but perhaps the window is smaller than you believe it to be."

"It's good advice for anyone, but to be honest I don't know whether to say thank you or be angry," I put a hand over his on the railing to take the sting out of that. "At the very least you've given me things to think about and I'm grateful for that."

"What has always been murky for you will become clear in time," Davos said.

"I hope so," I said with a faint laugh. "I'm sure you'd appreciate a few minutes of quiet time before Linara comes to find you, if you feel up to it?"

Nodding gratefully, Davos turned back to the view, appearing to enjoy the fresh air as well as Atlantis stretched out before him.

I had other questions I could have asked but it didn't seem the time for them. Nodding to the guard standing at the balcony door I went on to look for Rodney.

oOo

"Hi Rodney," I strolled into his lab a few minutes later. He of course was busily tapping away at his laptop as usual. "What're you working on?"

"The Replicator attack command," Rodney replied impatiently.

"We're gonna work with that Wraith?" I asked with a raised brow.

"You haven't spoken to John this morning?" Rodney commented in surprise. "Turns out the Wraith had a subspace tracking device implanted – he activated it the moment we put him in that cell. Sheppard just radioed down here to tell me a Hive ship's been detected on long range sensors." Before I could comment on that Rodney continued. "Oh it gets worse than that. Sam had a vision last night courtesy of Davos. Saw Atlantis being destroyed from space."

"Oh my God," I said involuntarily, feeling the chill sweeping over my body. Davos hadn't mentioned Sam when I'd spoken to him ... his version of patient confidentiality perhaps? In any case, the assurances of Linara, the confidence of Davos himself as he insisted that every vision he'd ever had came true in some format began to echo in my head. Some of what he'd said about windows took on a different meaning again in the face of that. "This is ... what ... is there a plan?"

"They're still talking about it," Rodney replied. "Since we found out about the Replicators wiping out human worlds I've been working on the Replicator code, trying to find a way to turn off that directive."

"Can I help?" I asked. "I mean, I don't exactly remember everything about being connected to their mainframe but something might jump out at me."

"Can't hurt," Rodney agreed, turning his laptop towards me. "You look at this one ... I'll just continue with the database."

It probably hadn't been longer than an hour before our work was interrupted by the arrival of John and Colonel Carter.

"Rodney," Sam's manner was brisk and purposeful. "We need to know if you can shut down the Replicator attack code on your own."

"I've been looking into that, and it's not very promising," Rodney reported reluctantly.

"You're the one who activated it in the first place!" John said irritably. I wanted to keep silent, knowing just from his manner that the morning had been difficult, but I couldn't let the inaccuracy of that statement go.

"Ah, actually I was the one who activated it," I said weakly. "Rodney located it within the Replicator base code and gave me cues for finding it once I was linked into their core but everything to do with turning it back on came directly from me."

"If you could find the command to switch it on then you should be able to find the one to turn it off," John insisted.

"Well, that was easy ... well, actually it was spectacularly difficult, but then everything's relative," Rodney explained with typical McKay 'my genius is never understood because no one is smart enough to appreciate it' disappointment.

"Rodney," Colonel Carter admonished.

"Look, the Replicators were originally designed and programmed to do exactly what they're doing," Rodney explained heatedly. "I mean, they were built for this. It's much harder for the Wraith to get them to stop than it was for us to get them to start again."

"But with this Wraith's help, you think you could do it?" Sam questioned.

"If he really has the original shut-down virus, yeah, I think we can," Rodney confirmed. Sam looked at John, wordlessly seeking his opinion.

"He claims he ordered the Hive ship not to give away our position unless they're attacked," John offered, which wasn't really an opinion.

"Do you believe him?" Colonel Carter persisted.

"Well, are there any other ships headed this way?" John asked expectantly.

"No," Sam replied.

"That's it. For the moment, he's telling the truth," John concluded, getting nods from Sam and Rodney because that did make sense. I could see his logic - for the time being there was nothing else we could conclude although John's expression said he was making even that minor leap of faith under sufferance.

"We should –" Colonel Carter broke off, holding a hand to her earpiece. "Of course Teyla, I'll be there in a few minutes." Turning back to us with a frown she explained. "Teyla had a vision from Davos – something about Atlantis being under attack. I'll get everyone gathered in the conference room."

I stayed where I was as Rodney jumped up and followed the Colonel. John hesitated at the door, looking back at me. "No one would mind if you joined us," he said simply.

"Is Major Lorne going to be there?" John shook his head with a frown. "Then it's definitely not my place either – unless you're after something specific to my work," I reminded him easily. "I don't mind ... as long as you don't mind filling me in later."

"I don't mind," John agreed. "Although I don't think you'd be out of place in this particular meeting – as you just pointed out, you helped reactivate the attack command."

"Call me if you need me because of that," I offered. "I'm not being stubborn here. I just ... I don't want Woolsey putting in his reports that I attend high level meetings beyond my position. Don't protest – we both know he'd do exactly that if I tag along for this meeting."

"Probably," John agreed reluctantly. "Fine – I'll fill you in later on what happens in the meeting."

"_And_ on what happened this morning," I added before he could escape. "And don't say nothing happened because I could tell from your mood that something _did_ happen."

"It _was_ nothing," John insisted. "I was just a tad ... _angry_ that our supposed Wraith friend double crossed us by calling in his Hive ship."

"What'd you do?" my tone was probably similar to that of a mother called to the school because her child had gotten into trouble _again_.

"I ah ... I _may_ have gone down to the brig to have a little chat with him," John admitted. "I didn't do anything though ... he said he needed the Hive ship to help us. The original virus is on board."

"I guess that makes sense," I mused, glancing at the computer clock I realised it had already been a few minutes since the others had left. "I'm keeping you from the meeting – you should go."

"Yeah," John looked like he wanted to say more but in the end he shrugged slightly, threw me a half hearted wave and disappeared out the door.

I didn't have anything more pressing to do so I settled down with Rodney's laptop and continued to search through the Replicator code.

**Authors Note:**

The timeline on this episode is very difficult to place so I made a decision to split events over a couple of days as that seemed to make more sense. Otherwise it's an incredibly long and eventful day! So everything up to Sam getting her vision from Davos is day 1 and the rest is day 2 ... I didn't think she'd necessarily run straight to Woolsey and John to tell them what she saw. Also there are a few scenes in this one between two people that Sabina obviously wouldn't be a part of – some of them wouldn't play out exactly as in the episode because of other changes I've made to put Sabina into the story. I trust anyone who remembers all the details will be able to adjust their thinking to account for that.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 32_


	38. There is always hope

**Chapter 32: There is always hope**

John and Rodney returned to the lab a short while later, grimly determined. Rodney motioned for me to move aside so he could call up some programs on his laptop. Stepping close to John I waited for some kind of explanation.

"Colonel Carter went down to meet with our Wraith captive," John explained. "Assuming he co-operates Rodney will get the old virus transmitted to his machine and then the Wraith will help him alter it. Carter took Woolsey with her which would ordinarily be very amusing except for the fact that Teyla's vision included me in the Control Chair about to fire drones."

"That doesn't necessarily mean anything," I countered. "There's no timeline on these visions – Davos never said they were only things that take place in the immediate future."

"You're right," John agreed with a frown that said my suggestion wasn't exactly good news, before changing the subject abruptly. "I don't want you in here when they bring the Wraith up."

"Oh," I said lamely, not sure how to react. "Why?"

"Because I don't trust him enough to give him any information about my personal life," John replied grimly. "We've already had one enemy try to use you to get to me and I'd rather not give a second one the same chances."

"Okay," I agreed abruptly. When John looked surprised at my easy capitulation, I tried to explain. "I'm only saying yes to this because I really don't _want_ to be anywhere near that Wraith either," I admitted. "I just ... I know seeing him is gonna result in a whole bunch of reruns up here," I pointed to my head with a pained frown. "I'd really rather not go back there unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Jennifer might appreciate your company for Linara," John suggested an alternative use of my time. "Teyla said Davos lapsed into unconsciousness after he gave her that vision."

"I can do that," I replied confidently. "I'm assuming you'll let me know if you need me for anything?"

"Oh I always _need_ you for something," John leaned in and whispered close to my ear.

"You can get back to me on that later too," I could feel my face reddening, all too aware that Rodney was in seeing and hearing distance. It was one thing to deliberately try to embarrass Rodney from time to time, and another to be the recipient of an unexpected remark in company.

"I will," John smirked a promise.

"Be careful," I told him seriously, turning to look at Rodney. "You too McKay – and call me if you think I can help."

Taking my leave I headed down to the infirmary again. Davos was awake but heavily medicated. Linara attended him with that soft gentle expression on her face ... and sadness in her eyes. Wordlessly joining her I smiled when she looked across at me gratefully.

We stayed in that quiet companionable space for a time before our attention was drawn to Colonel Carter's appearance.

"Hello again," she greeted Davos gently.

"Colonel. It's nice to see you, but I'm afraid I can't offer you any more insight into future events. These medicines dull my mind," Davos replied, more coherent than he might have been under the circumstances. Not that he would have seen it as a positive – being able to operate so much like his old self only gave Linara false hope that he would recover.

"That's all right," Carter said easily. "That's not why I came, although I did wanna ask you a few questions about your visions if you feel up to it."

"Of course," Davos agreed.

"Have you ever been wrong?" Colonel Carter got straight to the point.

"No," Davos was equally adept at cutting right to the heart of something.

"Knowing how events play out, you haven't been able to change the future or avoid it?" Carter persisted.

"I'm afraid not," Davos replied sadly.

"What about the culling on your planet?" Carter pointed out what seemed like a contradiction.

"I did not see a culling, merely the Wraith ships arriving, and that is exactly what happened," Davos clarified. "Doctor McKay's vision happened as he saw it, but his interpretation was incorrect."

"Pretty hard to misinterpret what I saw," Colonel Carter replied with a grimace.

"I make no judgements, but I do know it will come to pass," Davos reiterated.

"It's hard for me to accept that," Carter said earnestly. "You're telling me that the future is pre-determined but I have always believed that the future is what you make it."

"Perhaps both are true," Davos suggested, struggling to get out everything that he wanted said. "Perhaps the future is pre-determined by the character of those who shape it. One thing has been clear to me from the moment I set foot in this city ... the galaxy is at a crossroads. Never before have I sensed that the future of so many worlds can turn on the actions of so few."

"There's something I don't understand," I broke in hesitantly, wanting to ask the question I'd tried to ask the day before. "If every vision comes true as you see it and there's nothing to be done to change it then ... why have the visions in the first place?"

"Another interesting viewpoint," Davos was amused, not taking offence that I'd basically suggested his role as seer had been a waste of time. "I believe the visionary process is sophisticated enough to take account of actions initiated by prior knowledge and show the future that represents the sum total of all of them."

"So in Rodney's vision he didn't see the ambush as being successful because having knowledge of it meant they had adequate backup," I reasoned.

Davos winced in sudden pain, his face paling and his eyes listing to almost closed.

"My father needs to rest," Linara announced pleadingly. "Perhaps you can return later if you have more questions."

"Of course," Carter agreed. Putting a hand on Davos's arm she smiled warmly. "Thank you for your time."

I walked with the Colonel from the infirmary, continuing down the corridor. "Any word on that second Hive ship Colonel?" I asked.

"Less than two hours away," Colonel Carter reported. "Listen, you're not military so you can call me Sam. And before you protest I know you never addressed Doctor Weir by her first name either. I don't want to run the city that formally Sabina – plus you call General O'Neill by his first name so this shouldn't be any different."

"Okay ... Sam," I nodded at her logic. "Look ... John didn't want me in the lab with the Wraith. Do you have anywhere you'd like me to be when the Hive ships get here?"

"You can operate the Command Chair?" Sam confirmed, waiting for my nod. "Then you can be back up for John – just in case we need to send out Jumpers."

"I'd be happy to, although I hope it doesn't come to that," I said earnestly.

"Report to the Chair Room," Sam said decisively. "That way you'll be able to intervene if it becomes necessary."

"Thanks Sam," I turned and headed away from her before she could change her mind.

oOo

"We're going with the trust option," John announced as he ran into the Chair Room an hour later. "Rodney's in the process of cloaking the city so the rival Hive ship won't detect us."

"Then what?" I asked with a frown.

"Then our Wraith will reason with them and hopefully head them off before things get violent," John concluded. Throwing himself in the Chair he reclined it, activating all the systems. I sat at the main control console, ready to monitor the chair's performance once John started firing drones.

The Chair Room was isolated, enough that we had no idea on the situation the longer we sat there waiting for progress.

"C'mon, guys, what's happening?" John quizzed impatiently over the radio.

"Stand by," Rodney's voice came back promptly.

"I hate when he does that," I muttered in frustration.

"Rodney?" Sam was up in the Control Room but obviously the situation wasn't clear from up there either.

"They're still just talking," Rodney explained. He paused and then broke into 'excited but not in a good way' speech. "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a minute. We've got a problem."

"What is it?" John demanded. "What's going on?"

"Both ships just powered weapons," Rodney admitted weakly.

"That's it," John announced grimly. "Firing drones." I watched as he closed his eyes, moving his hands towards the control positions on each Chair arm.

"John, wait!" Sam said urgently. John paused, opening his eyes and looking over at me with a raised eyebrow. "Just give it a second," Sam urged.

"Are you insane?! They're gonna wipe us out!" Richard Woolsey exclaimed incredulously.

"Shut up, Woolsey," Sam ordered.

"Colonel Sheppard," Woolsey's voice was urgent and insistent. "As a ranking member of the IOA, I'm assuming command of this base. I'm _ordering_ you to launch the drones now."

"What?" I looked at John in disbelief. He still held his hands over the Chair controls, not willing to follow that order but not sure he wasn't actually obliged to.

"Belay that order!" Sam shouted immediately. "One more word out of you and I will have you removed." It was a tense situation but I couldn't help the satisfaction I felt at hearing Woolsey being put down like that ... under the circumstances he completely deserved it too.

"Hold on," Rodney broke in. "Something's happening. The hives are firing on each other!"

"Are you sure?" Sam demanded.

"Definitely!" Rodney sounded almost gleeful. "They're not pulling any punches either." The wait was excruciating, not being able to see even the level of detail they would have had up in the Control Room. Finally Rodney spoke again. "They just destroyed each other! I guess the other Wraith didn't buy their story."

"Was either ship able to get off a sub-space message?" Sam asked.

"Negative. We're good!" Rodney said happily.

"John, you can stand down," Sam confirmed that the crisis had passed.

"Gladly," John replied in relief, quickly deactivating the Chair and bringing it back to the upright position.

"So I guess Sam's vision wasn't about today's events," I offered as we began our walk back to the others.

"We can't do this," John stopped abruptly, putting a hand on my arm to get me looking at him. "We can't live every day expecting one of these visions to come true."

"You didn't see one for yourself," I retorted heatedly. "You have _no_ idea how hard it is to put them out of my mind. It's not like having a bad thought in words and then telling myself don't think like that. This was technicolour imagery burned right into my head ... complete with emotions! That's not as easy to ignore."

"This is gonna sound blunt but ...," John hesitated, looking at me as he thought over his intended words. "I'm gonna die someday. That was true yesterday, last week, and before I ever met you. You can't change it. Nobody knows when it'll happen – just that it will. So tell me, where is anything different today because Davos showed you a vision of my funeral?"

"I _know_ the reality," I agreed earnestly. "But knowing that and having it rubbed in my face are two different things. I don't like thinking about this stuff ... and I don't wanna risk the whole bad karma thing by talking about it. And before you comment I _know_ how silly that sounds, okay. Would you be comfortable if I suddenly start talking so casually about _my_ death?"

"Of course not," John replied with a grimace. "All I'm asking is for you to look on this for what it was. A vision about something we already know is gonna happen sometime. There's no point in behaving any differently because really we know nothing more than we did before you met Davos."

"I guess I can try to look at it like that," I offered thoughtfully, hesitating and then revealing the heart of my distress. "I just ... I wasn't old John and I was kind of counting on doing the geriatric thing with you. I don't want to think about all those years without you in them."

"I wouldn't give up on me just yet ... I've come back from things you could hardly imagine," John rubbed his hands up and down my arms comfortingly. "I don't know how but maybe this is another one of those times."

"I would never give up on you," I vowed intently.

"Good," John grabbed my hand, getting us both moving again.

"There is one thing that worries me though," I said hesitantly as we continued walking down the corridor.

"Just the one?" John quipped.

"We know the details of three visions from Davos," I continued, ignoring his teasing. "They had different scenes but essentially they all seemed to be about one single event."

"So?" John asked curiously.

"So how is my adoption, Atlantis from the past, and your funeral all relevant to the one event?" I queried grimly.

"Maybe they aren't," John offered. "It's not like three visions is exactly a representative sample of all the visions Davos ever had. Maybe it depended on the person he was giving the visions to."

"I guess that could be true," I nodded thoughtfully.

"You need to stop thinking about this for now," John urged. "It's just gonna drive you crazy not being able to work out the answers and for now this is a puzzle you can't solve."

"Yes and you hardly need a crazy wife running around the city," I concluded.

"And no more quizzing Davos," John added insistently.

"But -," I broke off as I caught sight of the stern look on John's face. "Okay, but I'm still going to go see him again."

"I wouldn't have thought otherwise," John pulled me into his side, hugging me close as we continued on our way.

oOo

In the end I couldn't have talked to Davos even without John's request ... I found out from Jennifer shortly afterwards that he'd passed away before the Hive fight began. Linara was upset but accepting, having known it would happen despite her hopes that Doctor Keller would be able to do something their own doctors could not. I spent some time with her that afternoon, letting her tell me stories about her father and all the people he'd helped. She left soon after, escorting her father's body back to Vedeena for a proper burial ceremony.

We managed to get rid of another one of our visitors the next day too, Richard Woolsey having completed his evaluation of Colonel Carter. I kept myself scarce, patting myself on the back for having avoided any unpleasantness this time. I wasn't sure if Woolsey's attitude towards me had changed now I was married to John instead of just living with him ... I hadn't really given him the chance to act differently. Maybe I should have but ... there was always next time.

Our final visitor was another story ... unfortunately the Wraith was going to be on Atlantis for an extended stay. I'd have to avoid Rodney's lab for the duration since the Wraith would be spending his time in the brig, the lab, or in the corridors between them. It wasn't that I was scared of him exactly, just that I hated that slimy Wraith feeling at the edge of my mind whenever a Wraith got too close and I didn't want to give him the change to comment on any aspect of my relationship with John.

I'd lost touch a little with what everyone else had been doing while Davos had been on Atlantis, most especially Teyla. So I sought her out the day after Woolsey left to see how she was doing.

"Teyla," I found her sitting on the balcony near the Mess Hall, gazing into space.

"Sabina," she turned to smile at me warmly.

"I realised I haven't spoken with you for a couple of days," I apologised, sitting across from her. "How are you?"

"I am well," Teyla returned graciously. "My time spent with Davos was not wasted. Although he was unable to give me details on where my people are, he did say that they are definitely alive."

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I'm just sorry you couldn't get anything more specific."

"I wouldn't have let this go," Teyla offered, glancing at me quickly before looking back over the ocean, "but now that I know there is hope of being reunited with my people, I will not rest until I have found them."

We stood in companionable silence before Teyla spoke again. "Jennifer told me Davos gave you a vision as well."

"A very disturbing one," I admitted, without going into the details. "There were bits in there I don't understand and other bits that seem to have only one interpretation. In the end I have to believe the future isn't already written. I can't do my job or enjoy everyday life if I think otherwise."

"There is always hope," Teyla summarised.

I nodded agreement, happy to pause to appreciate the idea of living in the moment. In the end that was all I could take from the past few days. There _was_ always hope.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 33_


	39. I manipulated his guilt and his grief

**Chapter 33: I manipulated his guilt and his grief**

"This isn't a casual visit home," John said firmly. "Besides, the SGC only authorised for Ronon and I to accompany Rodney back to Earth. There's nothing I can do about that."

"I know," I said in resignation, sitting on our bed and watching him get ready for the unexpected mission home. "I just ... I _hate_ you being a whole galaxy away. What if you need help?"

"We'll be fine," John promised, coming over to sit beside me. "And it won't be for long ... we need to find Jeanie quickly because the longer she's missing without any kind of ransom demand the more likely it is that whoever took her isn't planning on giving her back."

"Did they say whether they had any leads?" I asked.

"Agent Barrett has contacts looking into it," John revealed. "Plus they've got Jeanie's computer no one back there could hack. Rodney's hoping something on it will tell us where to start."

"Promise you won't take any stupid risks?" I turned to face John, waiting until he was looking me in the eye.

"I promise I'll only do what's necessary to get Jeanie back," John said instead. "This is Rodney ... he won't admit it but Jeanie's all he'd got and right now he's scared he's gonna lose her."

"I understand," I said unhappily. "God I hope this has nothing to do with what happened with Walker."

"There's nothing to suggest it does - unfortunately there are too many organisations who might gain something from kidnapping Jeanie," John replied, reluctantly getting to his feet. Holding out a hand he looked at me expectantly. "Are you gonna come to the Gate?"

"Yeah, but I want my goodbye kiss now," I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down sharply. He wasn't expecting that, losing his balance and mashing me into the bed as he toppled over on top of me. We were both smiling at the beginning of the kiss but quickly the mirth dropped away leaving only two people who were loath to part. It was way up there on the scale of serious and passionate goodbyes ... and then it was done, John reluctantly pulling himself away and getting back to standing.

"Shall we?" he reached a hand down for me again.

"We shall," I replied, letting him pull me up from the bed this time.

Rodney and Ronon were waiting when we got to the Gateroom, Rodney pacing with worry and anxiety clearly evident on his face.

"It's _about_ time," he greeted John impatiently, looking quickly to me with a hint of apology when he realised how that sounded. I shrugged, letting him know that under the circumstances I completely understood.

"Dial the SGC," John ordered up to the Control Room. Moments later we had a stable wormhole shimmering inside the gate ... leading straight to Earth. The stop off at Midway including requisite 24 hour quarantine had been waived given the urgency to find leads quickly ... but still, for Rodney things would feel like they were moving too slowly.

"Let's do this," Ronon's voice rumbled. He looked more than ready to go out and kick arse ... even to Earth, a place he was less than familiar with.

"Tell Zelenka not to mess with my equations while I'm gone," Rodney told me. "Jeanie and I will ...," realising what he'd said he broke off uncomfortably, his eyes darting from side to side as if he didn't know where to fix his gaze.

"You'll find her Rodney," I said confidently, stepping closer and putting a calming hand on his arm. "Smartest man in two galaxies, remember?"

Nodding wordlessly, Rodney turned and stepped into the wormhole.

"Good luck," I said softly, watching as John and Ronon followed him. John turned back just before he entered the event horizon, meeting my eyes for a moment before turning again and disappearing into the puddle. "And now we wait," I muttered under my breath, slowly making my way across the Gateroom floor.

God I hated waiting.

oOo

John had promised they'd dial in within 24 hours to let us know their progress ... of course there was nowhere else I was going to be but the Control Room when he made contact.

True to his word, just over a day after they'd left, the SGC dialled in to Atlantis via the midway station.

"John, what's the situation there?" Sam asked once the connection was established.

"Good news and bad news," John replied. "Rodney was taken a few hours into our stay but we managed to track him down through the company that makes our subcutaneous transmitters. Turns out they were behind the whole thing. We have both Jeanie and Rodney here at the SGC along with the people responsible."

"And the bad news?" Sam asked.

"Henry Wallace, the guy who started all this, injected nanites into Jeanie's system," John revealed. "His daughter Sharon was sick and he wanted to cure her – they used nanites to do that, only they were making things worse instead of better. Wallace intercepted an email on Jeanie's computer and decided she could help him fix the nanites so they'd fix his daughter."

"And did they?" I spoke for the first time since John had started talking.

"In a manner of speaking," John replied. "The nanites fixed Sharon's cancer and then went looking for other stuff to fix. Shut down the girl's heart so they could correct a defect and wiped her mind clean in the process. She has no idea of who she is, can't talk, or do any of the things she used to."

"And the same thing's gonna happen to Jeanie?" I asked worriedly.

"If we can't fix those nanites," John confirmed. "We've got about ten hours which is where Atlantis comes in."

"You want to use the Wraith," Sam looked surprised as the reason for John's call, beyond checking in, became apparent.

"He can help Rodney make the corrections faster than Rodney can do it alone," John explained. "Without him Rodney doesn't think he can do enough in time. Jeanie will end up just like Wallace's daughter if we don't fix this soon ... she'd got epilepsy – the nanites will go straight for that and shut her down in the process."

"What's stopping them from doing that now?" Sam frowned in confusion.

"Ah ... Rodney broke both of Jeanie's legs," John revealed reluctantly. "That should tell you how desperate this situation is. I'm not saying I agree with this approach ... in fact I think it's a bad idea. But ..."

"It's the only option if we want to save Mrs Miller," Sam concluded. "Okay. I'll have two marines escort the Wraith to the SGC. They'll be there in half an hour."

"Thank you Colonel," John said gratefully. "We'll check in again once they've had a chance to work on the problem."

"Be careful John," I said quickly before he could sign off.

"Always am," John quipped. "Talk to you later."

And then he was gone and I was back to waiting. This time I decided not to avoid the Wraith. I was curious to watch his demeanour, hoping something in it would tell me whether he genuinely wanted to help. Making my way down to the Gateroom I took up a position off to the side so I could watch them bring the Wraith down. Colonel Carter stood in the centre of the room, ready when moments later the Wraith arrived from the Brig, heavily chained and escorted by two marines with P90's.

"Where are you taking me?" the Wraith demanded of her.

"To a facility where Doctor McKay is working on the Replicator nanites," Sam replied without revealing he was actually going to Earth. That was a smart idea – the inside of the SGC didn't have any obvious clues regarding its location so it really could be on any planet.

"And what makes you think I will help?" the Wraith asked with a tilt of his head.

"Because you want our help with the changes Doctor McKay made to the Replicator base code," Sam returned with a knowing smile. "Which you won't get unless you fully cooperate with us."

"Of course," the Wraith turned to face the gate, looking unconcerned with his fate. I knew that was a ruse though. I'd let myself be more open to mental communication than I had for a long time. Pushing out subtlety I tried to pick up something of his mood, discovering that he was grimly determined to complete his personal mission. He was smart, calculating, and ruthless but more controlled than the other non Queen Wraith minds I'd touched in the past. Trying to sense more I jumped slightly when I realised he was looking straight at me with a puzzled frown.

"You look familiar but we have not met," he said to me in his horrible Wraith voice.

"No," I agreed without telling him who I was. Mentally I was putting up the blocks just in case something leaked out. His expression changed to one of surprise so he'd obviously felt me do that too.

"Who are you?" he asked more insistently.

"Sabina ... Sheppard," I decided abruptly to introduce myself.

"Ah," the Wraith nodded, his voice vibrating as he gave inflection to the words that made them sound foreign, different. "John Sheppard spoke of you during our time with the Genii."

"No he didn't," I denied. "He wouldn't have given you or the Genii any kind of leverage over him."

"It was not ... voluntary," the Wraith almost seemed regretful when he said that. "The pain of recovery from the feeding process is ... intense."

"That was pain _you_ caused," I accused grimly.

"At the hands of the Genii," the Wraith reminded me. "Neither of us had a choice."

"You have a choice now," I told him, watching him frown as he thought about that.

While our private little conversation had been going on Sam had ordered the gate dialled. Now there was an open wormhole ready and she was looking at me expectantly. I nodded, not having anything else relevant to say to the Wraith.

"Take him through," she ordered the marines. "Keep the restraints on him at all times."

"Yes Ma'am," they replied, each grabbing an arm and escorting the Wraith through the wormhole.

"He's weak," I told Sam once the wormhole had shut down.

"Who is?" Sam asked with a frown.

"The Wraith," I clarified. "It's been weeks since he fed – he's weak. I don't know how much longer he can go on without feeding."

"We'll just have to hope he's got enough left in him to put Rodney on the right track," Sam replied.

"Hope," I said softly. "We seem to be doing a lot of that lately."

oOo

And then just like that John and Ronon were back, Wraith prisoner and marine guards in tow. I heard the incoming wormhole alarm and ran down to the control room to greet them.

John was all business as he ordered the marines to reinstate the Wraith in the Brig. Ronon and John exchanged a glance before Ronon headed off to follow them.

"John?" I drew his attention to me.

Without a word he walked over and wrapped me up in what I would have to describe as a desperate ... and therefore worrying hug. I wrapped my arms around him in return as he silently held me, letting him squeeze as tightly as he needed. He didn't seem aware that the Gateroom wasn't exactly empty, making the whole thing all the more worrying.

"Are you ...?" I pulled back a little to look at him when he showed no signs of letting me go.

"Later," his tone was pleading, the expression in his eyes troubled ... and guilty.

"Rodney? Jeanie?" I asked for at least that much news.

"Both fine," John reassured me. "Rodney's staying a few days to escort Jeanie home, spend some time with her and Caleb and Madison."

"That's good," I squeezed John tightly before letting him draw away.

"I need to write my report on what happened," John said, moving us both in the direction of his office. "I'll see you on our balcony in a couple of hours."

"Okay," I stopped at the junction where he'd go one way and me the other, watching him walk away with a worried frown. What personal demons had he added to his load this time?

oOo

It wasn't what I'd expected. John had facilitated the Wraith feeding on a human so the Wraith could survive and fix the nanite problem. When he told me Rodney had been bound and determined to offer himself up I knew how desperate John would have been to come up with a different solution. I wasn't sure how I should feel about it but in the end it wasn't about me. It was about John and how he was feeling over what he'd arranged.

"He volunteered?" I confirmed once John had wound down his explanation of the facts.

"If you could call it that," John said grimly. "I knew how he'd react ... hell I manipulated his guilt and his grief over his daughter. Showed him pictures of Caleb and Madison ... I practically had him in tears. It was a crappy thing to do but even at his obvious guilt I didn't quit. I told Wallace Jeanie was dead because the Wraith needed to feed before he could help her – that she only needed that help because of him."

"You couldn't have manipulated him unless he'd wanted you to," I replied softly. "It sounds like he was a man desperate to save his daughter – driven to behave in a way outside his usual ethics. Did you have to work hard to make him see things your way?"

"Not really," John replied with a frown. "It didn't take much more than those photos and the promise that another innocent was gonna die because of what he did to convince him."

"What happened when you took him to the Wraith?" I asked in a low voice.

"What?" John frowned at me in surprise.

"I'm not being blood thirsty here," I assured him. "I just wanted you to tell me something about Wallace's demeanour. Did you have to force him to follow through? Was he paralysed with fear?"

"No," John was surprised again. "In fact he was pretty damn brave. Stood there without even hinting that he wanted to change his mind. Before the Wraith ... you know ... he asked me to tell Rodney and Jeanie how sorry he was."

"He wanted a way to assuage his guilt," I suggested. "A way to make it up to his daughter for not being able to save her. Maybe he saw sacrificing himself to save Jeanie as his atonement for the wrongs against Sharon. His way to make amends."

"You're making it sound like I did him a favour," John stood and turned his back to me, gazing out over the ocean.

"Your motives were good," I stood too, walking over and putting my arms around him from behind. "At the end of the day what else have any of us got?"

"You realise I had to get creative with my report right?" John turned in my arms to look down at me. "More than creative – I lied, said the Wraith broke free when I was showing Wallace the lab and got to him before I could stop it."

"You did what Wallace wanted and you saved Rodney from sacrificing himself," I pointed out. "You saved Jeanie too ... without that I don't know how Rodney would cope. We need him here ... here _and_ well. You made sure we had that."

"So you don't have a problem with me feeding a human to a Wraith?" John's face was deliberately blank but his eyes said he'd been worried about what I would think of him.

"You did what you had to," I replied firmly. "At the end of the day it's what you always do ... even at the expense of yourself. Usually that's by putting yourself in physical danger but this time it was a mental sacrifice. In a way that's harder to deal with. It doesn't change my opinion of you and I'm sure it won't change Rodney's either."

John didn't say anything in reply, just pulled me in to him again and put his head down close to mine. He'd done what was necessary but it would be hard for him to accept how far he'd been willing to go to save a friend. That was a pattern in his life, one he'd had to deal with continuously. It wasn't the first time he'd been in that position ... and I knew it wouldn't be the last. All I could do to help was be there if he needed to talk ... and love him unconditionally, demons and all.

oOo

Once everything was back to normal both John and Rodney never gave any indication that their relationship had been affected by those events on Earth. The distraction of work always helped John deal with things and this time he had the added distraction of being in charge while Sam went on a mission with her old team. Daniel had finally found his Ark and SG1 went off to unearth it. Sam was gone for two weeks and when she returned, a little battered and bruised, it was to tell us that the Ori had been defeated.

It gave us all hope ... if an enemy that formidable could be defeated then there was no reason why our enemies here in the Pegasus Galaxy couldn't be too.

**Authors Note:**

Once again there's a whole bunch of scenes happening to John that we all know about from the episode. The most obvious difference though would be that John and the others already know Agent Barrett – just a minor point for you to assume if you're remembering the actual episode. I also decided that there would be times they'd waive the quaratine on Midway ... they never mentioned it explicitly in the episode but it was obvious they at least took the Wraith straight through to Earth.

I have no idea how the Ark of Truth fits into the timeline between the end of SG1 season 10 and Sam being on Atlantis but it didn't seem from her comments to Teal'c at the beginning of SGA season 4 that they'd defeated the Ori yet and her comments to Rodney at the beginning of SGA season 5 make it clear she's about to head off for Continuum. So I made a decision to put the Ark of Truth inside season 4 here. If you know where it's supposed to go in the timeline, let me know!

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 7_


	40. Interlude 7: The woman I live with!

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 7: You know ... the woman I live with!**

"Sabina?" I awoke suddenly in the darkness, alone and confused. Thinking the lights on to full I glanced around the room in confusion. Why was I sleeping in my old quarters? My brain felt dulled beyond the usual 'I just woke up' confusion. Trying to recall what I'd done just before going to bed was difficult ... in fact the last couple of days were a bit of a blur beyond the main events.

McKay had broken the Gate, leaving my team Atlantis bound for the foreseeable future. I'd checked in at his lab to see if he'd made progress and then ... come here to sleep? Grabbing my radio headset I dialled in to a private channel and hooked it quickly around my ear.

"Sabina, this is John," I spoke quietly, waiting anxiously for a response ... in vain. "Sabina - come in?" Still nothing. What the hell was going on here?! The radio obviously wasn't working so I decided to just walk down to our quarters. I could only imagine what Sabina was thinking over my not turning up last night.

Ten minutes later I was standing in the middle of our room ... only it wasn't _our_ room at all. It looked exactly the same as the first time I'd found it – nothing of our occupation evident. No clothes, no photos, no mess.

And no Sabina.

"Sabina, this is John. If you can hear me, _please_ respond." I didn't expect a response this time, and wasn't surprised when I didn't get one. Something odd was going on here and I needed help to work out what.

"McKay this is Sheppard."

"Colonel," McKay's sleep filled grouchy voice came back immediately. "You do realise its 4am right?"

"I need your help," I told him quickly. "I can't find Sabina."

"Who?" Rodney's voice was confused as well as impatient.

"Sabina," I repeated insistently. "You know ... the woman I live with!"

"Oh I get it," Rodney laughed sarcastically. "This is some kind of practical joke right? Nice one. As if _you_ would have a live in girlfriend!"

"This isn't a joke McKay," I retorted angrily. "Are you trying to tell me you don't know who Sabina is?"

"Ah ... yes," Rodney replied, his tone all at once uncertain. "You _don't_ have a live in girlfriend Sheppard. Maybe you need to go see Doctor Keller."

"Maybe it's _you_ who needs to see the Doc," I replied impatiently.

"Okay, we'll _both_ go see Keller," Rodney suggested. "I'll meet you there."

"Fine," I closed of the channel abruptly, striding from the room without a backward glance.

oOo

An hour later the situation hadn't improved. Turns out Keller didn't know who Sabina was either. Neither did Ronon or Teyla when I called them down to the infirmary to talk about it.

"If this is all true then how come you weren't looking for this Sabina yesterday?" Rodney challenged.

"I wasn't?" I frowned trying to think back beyond the past day and still finding it difficult.

"You did not mention Sabina at all," Teyla confirmed in a gentle tone.

"So you're telling me I've suddenly started imagining a whole life with a woman named Sabina, that I fabricated this out of thin air?" I looked from Doctor Keller to Teyla, and then on to Rodney. Their expressions were similar, uncomfortable over the level of emotion I was displaying just as much as they were over my apparent creation of a different life. "This is crazy!"

"I'll run some tests," Jennifer suggested tentatively. "Maybe there's some physiological reason your memories have been altered. Some kind of bacteria or other ... pathogen."

"I didn't make Sabina up," I said quietly, sure within myself about the truth. "This is all wrong."

"We will work this out John," Teyla put a hand on my arm reassuringly.

"Run the tests," I told Keller abruptly. "When mine come back clean you can start running tests on everyone else."

"Of course Colonel," Keller agreed easily.

oOo

After an unsatisfying morning in the infirmary I was no closer to understanding why no one else could remember Sabina. Teyla had volunteered to be tested along with me and the results so far were identical. There was no physical reason I'd be conjuring a complete person out of nowhere and no reason for Teyla to have forgotten one. Regardless of what the tests showed I _knew_ Sabina existed which meant she was somewhere, alone and maybe hurt - anything to explain why she didn't answer her radio or find her way back to me.

It became clear that no one was going to go out looking for Sabina, which meant I had to convince them I'd come to my senses so I could go look for her by myself.

When Jennifer came back to us with the results from the latest tests I prepared myself to convince her I'd changed my mind about the whole thing.

"Well Colonel, I'm still finding nothing to explain these additional memories," she told me with a puzzled frown. "I can't really think of anything else to do but rerun all the tests again, see if we missed anything."

"That's okay Doc," I said with a casual smile. "The memories are starting to fade ... I don't know, maybe it was just a really vivid dream?"

"Well, perhaps if you were under a great deal of stress your mind might manifest that in unusual dream activity," Keller said uncertainly. "I would have expected you to know it wasn't real much sooner than this though."

"I _have_ been worried about the Stargate being broken," I offered up that excuse. "I don't like that we can't go off world if we need to. It's been a week but McKay still hasn't fixed it."

"All right Colonel," Jennifer said decisively. "We'll hold off on doing more tests for now. Let's see how you sleep tonight. And I expect you to report to me immediately if these false memories return or get stronger."

"Sure thing Doc," I replied easily, swinging my legs off the infirmary bed and jumping down quickly. "I think I'll go check in with McKay and Zelenka – see if they've made progress on the Gate." Not waiting for either Jennifer or Teyla to protest I turned and strolled casually from the infirmary.

Knowing I'd have to behave as they expected to avoid suspicion I headed straight for the Control Room, assuming that'd be where the two scientists were working.

"All right," I announced when I arrived. "Do we know what the problem is?"

"Yeah," Rodney said sarcastically. "The Gate's not working." Turning to look at me with a frown he continued. "Shouldn't you be in the infirmary?"

"Nothing wrong with me," I said dismissively. "Are you telling me we're no further along than we were last week when you broke the Gate?"

"I did not break it!" Rodney retorted indignantly.

"It just happened to stop working around the same time you were screwing around with it," I suggested grimly.

"I _wasn't_ screwing around with it," Rodney insisted. "I was running a streamlining programme designed to boost its operating efficiency."

"Yeah, well, good job!" I replied facetiously.

"It had nothing to do with why the Gate malfunctioned!" Rodney continued defensively. "Look, we've been able to eliminate a number of possible reasons, including my streamlining programme, and I feel confident that we're making some progress and that things will be up and running in ...,"

The sound of an impact in the distance interrupted Rodney's words.

"What was that?" Rodney asked of the room as a whole.

"An unidentified object just struck the city," one of the technicians reported.

"Well, why didn't the sensors pick it up?" Rodney demanded.

"I don't know. It came in too fast?" the technician suggested.

"I'm getting a low-level energy signature," Rodney reported, looking closely at the nearest screen.

"What could it be?" Radek asked worriedly.

"Let's find out," I suggested decisively, running quickly from the Control room with the others close at my heels.

While I resented that following up on that impact was going to stop me from looking for Sabina I knew I'd have to play along. They'd never believe I was myself otherwise and I was beginning to realise how important it was to convince everyone I _was_ fine.

The city had been hit by a probe, unidentified and not from any familiar source. Luckily no one had been injured. McKay and Zelenka took it back to Rodney's lab to work out what they could. I left to do my sweep of the city but ran into Major Lorne on my way out.

"Colonel. Do we know what it is yet?" he asked in concern.

"Looks like a probe of some kind," I offered what little we had so far.

"Any idea who sent it?" Lorne persisted.

"McKay and Zelenka'll figure it out," I dismissed.

"And in the meantime, who's working on the Gate?" Lorne asked with a worried frown.

"The Gate can wait," I told him seriously. "This is more important."

"Well, with all due respect, sir, I think they're equally important," Lorne countered. "Wouldn't it make more sense to keep Zelenka working on this mystery object and move McKay back to his Gate diagnostics? It's already been over a week now."

"Major, not being able to use the Gate is an inconvenience," I pointed out grimly. "The possibility that someone may have pinpointed our location is a threat. The threat gets the priority."

"Yes, sir," Lorne said with a blank expression. He was about to walk away when my next question stopped him.

"Major, who's usually on your team when you go off world?"

"Sir?" Lorne frowned in confusion. "Shouldn't you already know that? You assigned all the teams after all."

"Just humour me Major," I replied.

"Yes Sir," Lorne agreed. "My off world team is usually Lieutenants Brown and Parker and Private Reed. When we need science personnel we usually take Zelenka."

"Okay," I waved him off, frowning as he turned and strode off down the corridor. I don't know what I expected from asking him about his team ... I guess I was just hoping someone would realise Sabina was missing. Who'd be better for that than Lorne, her team leader?

The more I thought about it though the more Lorne's initial behaviour troubled me. Not that he wasn't capable of getting his own opinion across, but Major Lorne didn't usually do it in such a head on manner. Come to think of it, Keller's behaviour earlier in the day seemed out of character too. She'd let me leave the infirmary without an argument, even though she had no idea what or if anything was wrong with me.

Heading towards the nearest transport station I pondered that. Something was definitely wrong. Unfortunately until someone else came to the same conclusion I was on my own.

oOo

Two hours later I'd been to every one of Sabina's favourite places and found nothing. In fact I was starting to question my own sanity because I couldn't find any evidence to support my belief that I had a girlfriend named Sabina who'd lived and worked on Atlantis for more than three years. The only explanation I could come up with was that someone had removed Sabina for some sinister purpose and then set about destroying or removing every trace that she'd ever been there. Hard though it seemed to believe, somehow that included memory. Obviously they'd been unsuccessful in removing mine but I was the only one not affected.

I got back from my search for Sabina just in time for Rodney to announce that he believed the Replicators were behind the probe. The way things were going I wasn't surprised the probe self destructed before he could confirm it for sure, destroying a fair portion of Rodney's lab it the process. Interesting thing was Zelenka actively disagreeing with Rodney over what he'd seen before his laptop had been turned to toast. Sure, when the fate of an entire solar system was at stake Radek was quite capable of arguing with the best of them. But for the day to day stuff he normally wasn't quite that vocal with Rodney.

And that was finally when someone else started to feel the way I did.

"Something's not right," Rodney told me quietly in the corridor later. Waiting for a couple of scientists to walk past he continued. "That diagnostic programme should never have crashed. It's perfectly capable of handling any of the data coming from the probe. And then before we get a chance to get it up and running again, what happens? The probe gets destroyed."

"What are you suggesting?" I looked at him expectantly.

"I don't know," Rodney admitted. "I just ... it feels like someone or something is working very hard to get in my way. And yes, I know what that sounds like. Just do me a favour - keep an eye out, okay?"

"You too," I urged. If Rodney was convinced then maybe he'd help me look for Sabina despite the fact that he didn't remember her himself.

oOo

Later that evening things got a whole lot more complicated. I'd hit a road block on ideas for finding Sabina and was taking my frustrations out in a sparring session with Ronon.

"People have been acting weird lately," Ronon said abruptly, striking rapidly to my left side with his fighting stick.

"How so?" I blocked his strike with my own stick and countered with an attempt of my own

"I don't know how to explain it," Ronon blocked my strike easily. "They just, uh, haven't been themselves."

We continued circling each other, trading strike and counter strike for a few moments before he continued. "Teyla's noticed it too."

"This isn't just about what happened with me in the infirmary this morning?" I queried, dropping my guard just slightly.

"No," Ronon took the opportunity and got in a blow that slashed across my right eyebrow.

I shook my head dizzily, putting a hand to my head. Not surprisingly it came back covered with my blood.

"Ow," I looked at Ronon accusingly.

"I think you're gonna need stitches," Ronon said after looking at the wound closely. He dropped his stick and walked across to where he had a towel hanging. Tossing it to me he watched as I pressed it to the wound. "Sorry," he smiled in a way that suggested he actually wasn't that sorry at all.

"Lucky hit," I retorted, keeping the towel up to my eye as I headed for the door. "Just so you know – I'm blaming you when Keller asks how I did this."

"Whatever," Ronon shrugged. "See you later?"

"Yeah," I nodded, wincing at the pain in my eyebrow. Walking down the halls with a bloody towel to my head didn't get me as much attention as it really should have. People were obviously too used to me getting injured which was a somewhat pathetic commentary I decided not to dwell on.

Jennifer was sitting at her computer when I walked into the infirmary a few minutes later.

"What happened?" she asked in concern.

"Well, Ronon decided to knock some sense into me," I explained casually. Sitting on one of the beds I waited for her to decide how many stitches I needed.

"Well, let me take a look," she grabbed some medical gloves as she approached. I lowered the towel so she could get a good look.

"You're fine," she announced after looking at me closely.

"No stitches?" I asked in surprise.

"No. Not even a Band-Aid," Jennifer confirmed. She picked up a mirror and handed it to me. "There's nothing there."

I looked in the mirror, seeing the blood on my eyebrow. Strangely there was no wound where I'd expected to see one. "But I'm bleeding," I pointed out, wiping at the blood with the towel I still held.

"Well, not from any head wound," Jennifer insisted. "It was probably Ronon's blood."

"No. He hit me. I was bleeding." I looked at Jennifer worriedly. "Those tests you did this morning – did they include testing for iratus bug DNA?"

"Of course not," Jennifer said incredulously.

"Test me again," I insisted, lying back on the bed with my arms folded across my chest. "When I was infected with the retrovirus I was able to heal really quickly."

"I'm sure that's not the case now, since you haven't been exposed ...," Jennifer pointed out with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Maybe it's a relapse. I don't know," I looked at her worriedly.

"I seriously doubt ...," Jennifer began with a smile.

"Just run a blood test," I urged loudly, anxious the longer the idea of being reinfected remained a possibility.

"Okay," Jennifer agreed, the smile dropping from her face.

oOo

Jennifer caught up with me later, handing me a computer tablet. I looked down at it, not sure what she was drawing my attention to.

"Colonel. I got your test results back," she explained. "I'm pleased to tell you you're one hundred percent bug-free. No sign of the retrovirus in your system."

I looked down at the results and then up again, my mind racing with the implications. Wordlessly I handed the tablet back to her.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy," Jennifer commented in surprise.

"All that says is my blood's clean," I pointed out. "Doesn't explain the magical head wound."

"Well, maybe it doesn't make sense because you're refusing to consider the only possible explanation for what happened. You made a mistake." Jennifer said casually.

"Ronon wasn't bleeding," I said firmly. "I checked after I left the infirmary."

"Well, maybe the blood was already on the towel and you mistakenly transferred it to your forehead," Jennifer said with a reasonable tone.

"Ronon saw the cut. He was the one who said I needed stitches," I persisted, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "Unless he was wrong too."

"All right," Jennifer gave in. "Well, I'll run your blood work again and if I still can't find anything, we'll do another complete physical." Smiling she walked away without commenting further.

Clearly, whatever was going on, she was in on it. And unfortunately I probably wasn't the only one affected.

**Authors Note:**

Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter ... combo of sick children keeping me up all night and then being sick myself sapping all my energy. Hopefully I'll be able to post more regularly now.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 8_


	41. Interlude 8: Familiar little red dots

****

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 8: _Familiar_ little red dots.**

Hunting down Teyla and Ronon first I explained my theory on the healing thing, convincing them to take a physical test and finding that they too bled when cut but healed within seconds. Next up was Rodney – we lured him to his lab to conduct the same test. He was initially frightened such that we had to force him to let us cut him. That fear turned to worried incredulity when the cut on his hand healed as quickly as my head wound had.

"What does it mean?" he looked at each of us in turn.

"You tell me," I shot back. "All I know is things are not as they should be here and somehow Jennifer's involved."

Rodney didn't want to believe that was true, even after I'd explained to him what had happened with my forehead and how Jennifer had scanned me and tested my blood, finding nothing. Eventually he caved, hacking into the infirmary records only to find there was no record of any tests done on me, including the scans both Teyla and I had seen Jennifer do that morning.

"That's impossible," Teyla protested. "The scanner is wired directly into the computer. Results are recorded automatically."

"It doesn't mean they can't be erased," Rodney pointed out.

"All right. We need to run our own tests," I announced. "Until we figure out what's going on, we can't risk trusting anyone outside this room."

"Do you still believe your memories to have been just a dream?" Teyla asked me.

"I never believed that," I decided if I was gonna trust them I had to go all the way. "I know you guys don't remember her but at the same time I _know_ Sabina's real. Somehow they've managed to wipe all traces of her from the city and from everyone's memories."

"Except yours," Rodney pointed out sceptically.

"I've lived with her for a year Rodney," I insisted. "Who's to say that's not enough of a bond that something would remain. Clearly they tried to wipe my memory too because I believed it when you told me I never mentioned Sabina before this morning. Something must have brought it all back for me."

"We need those tests," Ronon brought us all back to the next course of action.

"We have to get to the Infirmary without anyone knowing," Teyla replied.

"I have an idea," Rodney announced. "I'll tap into the life signs detector from here. I can tell you if the coast is clear."

"Okay, Teyla and I'll head down there now," I decided. "You and Ronon stay here and let us know if we have a problem."

Teyla and I headed off down the corridor. Now I was suspicious of individual motivations it was difficult not to look at every person we passed and wonder if they were in on it too.

Unfortunately for us Rodney's brilliant plan to help us died an early death when he discovered the life sign detectors weren't working properly, only picking up four life signs anywhere in the tower. Teyla and I pressed on regardless ... if worse came to worse I'd make up a new symptom to explain our arrival if it turned out we didn't have the place to ourselves.

"All right," I announced once we'd arrived and found we _did_ have a clear run. "Let's make this quick." Ignoring the strangeness of the infirmary being completely deserted when I knew Jennifer usually kept it staffed with at least one person Teyla and I got down to business.

Arranging myself on the scanner bed I looked over at Teyla expectantly. She stood at the computer, tapping a few keys to get the scanner started. The line of light swept from my head all the way down my body and back up again, projecting a picture on the screen for Teyla to see.

When it finished she turned to me with an expression of dread that had me feeling like my blood was flowing in slow motion. "John?"

I got up off the bed and went over to take a look.

"What the hell?" I looked at the screen in sick disbelief. There was the outline of my body with thousands of little red dots twitching in every part.

_Familiar_ little red dots.

"Nanites," Teyla confirmed sickly. "This explains why we can heal so rapidly. We get injured and the nanites effect repairs."

"We'd better tell the others," I told her grimly.

"Yes," Teyla agreed, both of us turning towards the door. That's when we spotted Major Lorne standing there with two armed guards.

"That won't be necessary," he said firmly.

"What the hell's going on?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry, Colonel," Major Lorne said regretfully. "You're gonna have to come with us."

"I don't think so," I watched him carefully, reaching towards my pistol, waiting to see how he'd react.

"That won't do you any good," Lorne said, appearing almost amused.

"I'm warning you, Major. Stand down." I reiterated urgently.

"Go ahead. Shoot." Lorne dared me.

And so I did, drawing out my pistol and firing it rapidly at his right thigh. A hole appeared and then healed immediately ... in a manner that was again all too familiar.

"You see?" Lorne said with a smile.

"So you're saying that we're also Replicators?" Teyla looked at Lorne in horror.

"No," Lorne denied. "You are flesh and blood – ordinary humans in every way except that you were manufactured from the inside out by nanites, some of which remain in your system, effecting repairs as necessary."

"I'm not buying it," I retorted, even though inside I knew it could very well be true ... and it would explain everything I'd experienced over the past week.

"All that you are – your thoughts, your memories – everything was taken from the real John Sheppard and his team when their minds were probed over a year ago," Lorne explained. "I'm sorry Colonel – you're gonna have to let us escort you down to the Brig now."

oOo

"Well this is just wonderful," I said to Teyla a few minutes later, watching Lorne instruct one of the marines to stand guard before he disappeared out the door.

"You truly do not believe the Major's story?" Teyla asked me.

"I don't want to believe it," I evaded giving an answer. "You?"

"I too am reluctant to consider the truth in his words," Teyla revealed. "I am also concerned for Rodney and Ronon."

Sounds from the corridor outside drew our attention.

"I think you can forget about that part - we're about to be reunited," I stood in the middle of the cell, waiting for the rest of my team to appear.

Jennifer escorted them in, bringing with her the biggest surprise of the day so far.

Doctor Elizabeth Weir.

"Elizabeth!" Teyla exclaimed in joyful surprise. She moved to hug Elizabeth as soon as she and the rest of my team were inside the cell. Jennifer looked on with a curious expression. Catching me watching her she nodded an acknowledgement before turning to leave.

"Jennifer!" I called her back, determined to find the answers to my most pressing questions.

"You wish to know why we left Sabina out of our recreation," Jennifer said simply.

"Her not being here was what originally got me suspicious, even before that probe hit us," I explained.

"You were not supposed to remember her," Jennifer stated simply.

"Yeah, well I do," I said firmly. "Where is she?"

"Although your mind contains a copy of everything in Colonel Sheppard's mind we attempted to remove all reference to your mate," Jennifer began. "We did not have sufficient power to create a human clone version of her. Even if we had, there was insufficient detail from her scan to make creating a replica viable. Some of our numbers felt that we should just replace her with one of our own kind. I did not believe that such a replacement would fool you. It was a risk no matter what course we took."

"So you decided to get rid of her totally," I concluded, disturbed because it meant the others would probably never remember all the things about their own interactions with Sabina. The Replicators had taken Sabina out of their copies memories before transferring them over to the clones.

"Your feelings for her, the way they have circumvented even our best efforts at reprogramming, are just one of the many things we do not understand about humans," Jennifer shared with a sad smile. "Perhaps it is that as much as anything else which hinders our goals."

"I don't know whether to be grateful or angry that you didn't do to Sabina what you've done to us," I said bitterly, turning away from her angrily.

Sure, I'd been vindicated, shown not to have been going insane because I remembered someone no-one else did. But the other side of that was I still had a bucket load of feeling for someone it turned out belonged to a different me. Another Sheppard, supposedly the real one, was enjoying that position. Even if we were to return to Atlantis that wouldn't change ... and the sense of loss hit me hard.

Slumping down to the floor I leaned my back against the bars, dropping my head down to my raised knees. Everything I was feeling was an advertisement for the talent and genius of Replicator cloning ... I could have wished they hadn't done such a good job on me ... but ultimately, even with the pain and the knowledge I wasn't getting Sabina back, I wouldn't have wanted them to take those memories away.

The others let me wallow for a time, busy with the expected reunion round of hugs and exclamations of relief over Elizabeth's return. I zoned them out, letting myself embrace all the memories that seemed to be flooding my mind now I had confirmation that my relationship with Sabina had been real.

"John?" Teyla knelt on the floor next to me, putting a hesitant hand on my shoulder. I looked up reluctantly, knowing from the way she winced when she caught sight of my expression that I wasn't looking my best. "I am sorry about Sabina," Teyla said softly.

"Yeah, me too," I grated out hoarsely. Looking around her I noticed the others watching us while trying to make it look like they weren't. "I guess we need to work out what we're gonna do about this huh?"

Teyla nodded, getting up and holding out a hand to me. I let her pull me up to standing, rubbing my hands over my face while I attempted to shove everything back down into the mental box where I kept all my other torments.

"Okay, where are we at?" I asked resolutely.

Rodney caught me up on where they'd discovered Elizabeth – it made no sense that she'd been held inside the city, unless this wasn't the real Atlantis anymore than I was the real Sheppard. In fact the whole thing was just a series of unanswered questions beginning with 'where the hell are we?' and ending with 'how did Elizabeth get here?'.

Teyla filled Elizabeth in on what had been happening from our side, Elizabeth was no more keen to hear she had nanites than the rest of us had been. She insisted on performing the same test, the self inflicted cut on her palm healing rapidly before our very eyes.

"Oh my God," she said weakly.

"All right. We're all infected by nanites," Ronon stated.

"Not infected with – constructed by," Rodney corrected.

"I don't believe it," Ronon replied grimly.

"I know it's tough to swallow," Rodney acknowledged. "I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it myself, but it would explain a couple of things."

"Such as?" I asked curiously.

"Such as why the Gate's not working, for one," Rodney replied. "Look, if none of this is real, if this is all just a lab rat experiment, then it stands to reason the Gate's not real either."

"If this is not the real Atlantis, Rodney, you of all people would have noticed. The stars alone ..." Teyla pointed out.

"The whole time the Gate's been down, it has been solid overcast," Rodney interrupted her. "That's over a week now. Think about it - when was the last time any of you saw stars?"

"Then where are we?" Teyla asked.

"No idea," Rodney replied. "These aren't your usual Replicators though. If they were we'd all be dead by now."

"Are we sure this isn't all taking place in one of our heads?" I asked the question, knowing at least one of them would have thought the same. "They could be probing our minds right now."

"This is real," Elizabeth reassured us. "We need to find out what they want from us, why they've gone to so much effort." Turning to the guards she called out. "Please – you must let me speak with your leader."

To my surprise, rather than ignoring her they simply nodded, doing that Replicator thing that said they were communicating with their brethren. "We will take you now."

Elizabeth was led away and the rest of us settled in to wait for some answers. The atmosphere was tense, no one willing to speak first.

"All right, I know this is a lot for everyone to deal with, but we're just gonna have to ... suck it up and re-focus," I finally spoke.

"Re-focus on what?" Rodney asked incredulously.

"Getting the hell out of here," Ronon at least was on the same page as me.

"So we can go where? Back to Atlantis to resume our lives?" Rodney demanded sarcastically. "Oh, yeah, I forgot – they're not ours."

"Says them," Ronon said simply.

"There's no point in denying the facts," Rodney replied. "They were telling the truth. We're not who we thought we were."

"Well, I may not be the original, but you're gonna have a hard time convincing me that I'm not pretty damned close," I told him.

"Our origins do not make us any less human – not physically and certainly not mentally," Teyla gave her opinion serenely. "Not while we can think for ourselves. And in my heart there is no doubt – we must return to Atlantis."

"OK. We'll go back – take things from there," I confirmed the plan.

"Great!" Rodney said glibly. "We're all in agreement – we're gettin' out of here. Now, all we have to do is figure out how."

Leave it to Rodney to bring us all back down to Earth.

oOo

Elizabeth returned later, telling us what the Replicators had planned for us.

"They're gonna wipe our memories and then start again on another planet," she said simply. "That probe was sent by Oberoth and the other Replicators. Our friends out there tried to destroy it, but they only managed to disable it."

While we were still reacting to that RepliKeller returned to bring us even worse news. The other Replicators, Oberoth's army, had found us and seemed intent on destroying the city and everyone in it.

Everything moved quickly after that. Elizabeth had already tried the compassion equals a chance for ascension road and Jennifer seemed swayed by that. It was clear she didn't know what to do.

"Let us out," I urged.

"Your fellow Replicators are a threat to everyone in this galaxy. You said it yourself – they're destroying human worlds, killing millions of innocents," Elizabeth continued. "If you're serious about following the footsteps of your creators, you will let us go so we can stop this."

"Oberoth is too powerful," Jennifer shook her head at the idea of trying to defy him, even though they'd already done that with all they'd accomplished on their copy city.

"If this city falls and we're destroyed with it, this will be nothing more than a wasted opportunity – a failed experiment," Elizabeth said simply. "You know what that feels like."

"That's what the Ancients considered us – failed experiments," Jennifer said sadly.

"Well, now's your chance to prove 'em wrong," I reminded her.

"All we are asking is that you give us a chance to make a difference," Elizabeth concluded.

That seemed to do the trick. Amidst a city that was shaking and falling apart under attack, Jennifer released us and then led us through the Control Room towards the Jumper Bay. On the way she grabbed a flat rectangular device and handed it to me.

"Take this," she urged.

"What is it?" I looked down at the device curiously.

"It's the core drive of a ship's tracking system," Jennifer explained quickly. "With this, you should be able to pinpoint the locations and movements of every one of Oberoth's Aurora-class vessels in this galaxy. Take this to Atlantis – it will be their best chance of stopping Oberoth. Go up to the Bay – take a Jumper."

I led the others up the stairs but Elizabeth paused. "Come with us," she pleaded to Jennifer.

"I can't," Jennifer replied urgently. "Oberoth might be able to track me. I'll only be a liability." Elizabeth held out a hand to Jennifer but Jennifer shook her head, her expression stern. "Go!"

Reluctantly, knowing we had no choice, we left her behind, running up the stairs and quickly getting ourselves into the closest Jumper.

Bringing the systems on line I had us in the air and hovering cloaked over the city in minutes. Just enough time for us to have prime position to watch the fall of Atlantis. Sure, it was just a copy but to us it had been real and it was deeply disturbing to watch the central tower collapse in on itself under a hail of drones.

Once the city was destroyed I manoeuvred the Jumper into position on the Replicator ship so we could catch a ride back to the Replicator home world. I'd always wanted to do that – just like the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back! From there we'd appropriate a ship capable of hyperdrive and contact Atlantis, not directly of course, but through somewhere like New Athos.

Everyone else agreed with the plan, even more so when we got to the home world and discovered that the Replicators had rebuilt the ship yards we'd destroyed ... and then some.

I used the same trick to steal a ship as I'd used to steal a ride through hyperspace, flying the cloaked Jumper into an open Jumper Bay. I'd chosen a ship at the outermost edge of their ship building activities but we still had to wait many hours before it became deserted.

"Here goes," I told everyone, powering the engines and getting us airborne. The Replicators tried to stop us of course but the element of surprise gave us enough of a lead. Before they could fire off more than a few wayward shots I'd opened a hyperspace window and taken us out of there.

"So, New Athos?" I turned to the others for confirmation.

"My people will help us," Teyla said confidently.

"M34-227 it is," I agreed.

oOo

It took a while to get there but eventually we established orbit around New Athos and took the Puddle Jumper down to the surface. That's when we discovered that New Athos was populated not as we'd expected. Instead of the village of Teyla's people we'd been expecting we got a team of Atlantis personnel. Elizabeth urged the rest of us to hang back while she spoke to our people, because in their eyes she was missing in action, not supposedly back on Atlantis like the rest of us.

"What are you gonna ask for?" Rodney asked as she prepared to make contact.

"For your doubles to come here to meet with us," Elizabeth suggested. "Do you think they'll need more than that to trust me?"

"They'll be happy to see you," I said thoughtfully. "I think you should tell them you're not the Elizabeth they lost up front. Offer them information to help them beat the Replicators."

"Don't mention us," Rodney added. "If I know myself, that would only spook me into arguing against trusting you."

"Okay," Elizabeth turned to head off and I heard myself speaking before I could stop the words.

"Ask them to bring Sabina when they come here."

"John?" Elizabeth looked at me in concern.

"I _know_ okay," I looked down at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes. "I just ... I need to see her for myself. I need to make those memories real or they'll drive me crazy."

"I'll make it a condition," Elizabeth promised me.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 34_


	42. Just not OUR Elizabeth

**Chapter 34: Just not _our_ Elizabeth**

John and I were on our way to lunch a few weeks after his mission to Earth when John remembered he'd promised to stop in at the Control Room. Rodney wanted to do something to the Gate and had been on John's case for a couple of days trying to get him to agree to take the Gate offline for the duration of his tinkering. I stood beside John, smiling as Rodney pleaded his case.

"It's a streamlining programme designed to boost its operating efficiency," Rodney insisted. "Look, the Gate'll be offline for, what, one hour, two hours tops."

Before John could respond the Gate started a dial in sequence. The event horizon kawhooshed before settling into a stable connection.

"We expecting someone?" John asked Chuck curiously.

"No, sir, but its Major Jordan reporting in from M34-227," Chuck replied.

"You got video?" John queried.

"Yes, sir," Chuck lowered the shield over the Gate and activated the wall screen so we could all see what was happening at the other end.

"What's the situation, Major?" John asked curiously.

"Well, sir, there's someone here who would like to have a word with you," Major Jordan replied. He stepped out of the way, making room for someone else to take his place.

"Elizabeth!" all three of our voices sounded in an incredulous chorus as a familiar face filled the view screen.

"Hello, John. Rodney." Elizabeth replied with a smile. "Hello Sabina."

"What happened to you?" Rodney demanded. "How did you get away?"

"I'm not Elizabeth," she revealed. "Well, not the Elizabeth you knew. I have all of her memories and all of her thoughts – everything that makes her me. But I'm a duplicate. I was created by a faction of the Replicators as a means to attaining ascension. They duplicated everything ... the city and everyone in it to learn more about humanity."

"But you ... look and sound just like her," Rodney accused, his face slack with shock over her revelation.

For myself I wasn't sure what to feel ... my initial happiness at seeing Elizabeth apparently well frozen by her admission that she wasn't ours. It almost seemed like we all held our breath as we waited to hear what she'd say next.

"I'm sorry, Rodney, but it's true," Elizabeth said sadly. "This group managed to isolate themselves from the others in order to pursue their study in secrecy, but they were eventually discovered and destroyed."

"I ... don't know what to say," John admitted. "This is all very, uh ..."

"Strange?" Elizabeth suggested. "Yeah, I know. But we need to meet. We have some information that you can use against the Replicators."

"We?" John picked up on that one immediately.

"Myself and some others who managed to escape before the Replicators destroyed that city," Elizabeth explained. "We have something you'll find very useful but you need to come here for us to pass it on to you."

"We can do that," John looked to Rodney and was greeted with an emphatic nod.

"That's great," Elizabeth said with a relieved smile. Her eyes shifted to me before she looked again at John. "We want Sabina to join you."

"Sabina's not part of my team," John said dismissively.

"I don't mind –," I broke off when John looked at me sternly. He was suspicious of why they needed me along.

"I can't tell you more right now John," Elizabeth replied. "Just that I have someone here who wants to see her. I'm sorry but it's a condition I have to insist on before I'll hand over what we have."

"And how do I know that what you have is worth the risk?" John asked quietly.

"I was hoping you would trust that there's enough of the original Elizabeth Weir in me to enable you to trust _me_," Elizabeth said with a sad smile. "Was I wrong?"

John didn't respond immediately. He looked closely at Elizabeth and then turned to glance at me.

"We'll be there in an hour," he motioned for Chuck to cut the connection.

"Oh my God," Rodney reacted as soon as the wormhole had disengaged. "I thought that _was_ Elizabeth."

"We all did Rodney," I kept my eyes on John, waiting for his reaction. "In a way it is Elizabeth ... just not our Elizabeth. Maybe she knows what happened to the original."

"We can hope," John's expression made it clear he'd already thought of that ... the first opportunity to get a lead on Elizabeth a large part of his reason for agreeing to meet with them despite his general misgivings.

"I wonder what information they've got," Rodney continued. "And where they got it from."

"I'm more interested in who these other survivors are," John countered grimly, "and why one of them wants to see Sabina."

"The only way we'll know is to go there and find out," I said easily. "And at least we can cross one thing off the list of impending events."

"We can?" John asked, looking at me with a raised brow.

"Sam's vision of Atlantis being destroyed," I said simply. "Elizabeth said they duplicated the city ... and that the other replicators wiped them out. Sounds exactly like what Sam described."

"What do you know?" Rodney quipped. "Some good news for a change."

oOo

If we'd done a brainstorming session then maybe one of us would have suggested what we found on New Athos ... _after_ all the sane and reasonable ideas had been exhausted. Meeting up with a replicated Team Sheppard was just disturbing. Rodney and Repli-Rodney took to each other immediately which kind of surprised me given how uncomfortable Rodney had been with his AU self. Ronon was hostile, Teyla accepting.

As for John? Well I couldn't really tell what he was feeling one way or the other - beyond the fact that he didn't have any strong emotions driving him. Sadly that wasn't the case with Repli-John. His expression along with the fact that there was no Replicator version of me told me immediately why they'd wanted me along. He knew who I was, but it was more than just copies of my John's memories floating around in his head. The feelings had obviously been copied over as well. I wasn't sure what he was expecting. To be honest I wasn't sure I even wanted to speak to him. What would it accomplish after all?

Rodney and his counterpart quickly agreed on their approach to making use of the core drive from the Replicator ship tracking device. Heading out of the tent deep in discussion they left the rest of us behind, wondering what to do next.

My John watched Rodney leaving before turning back to face Elizabeth again.

"We appreciate all this, but the truth is, we came here for another reason," he said. "You were with the Replicators. What do you know about our Elizabeth, and are you willing to help us get her back?"

I didn't miss the glance Elizabeth and Repli-John exchanged before Elizabeth moved slowly across to John.

"Let's walk," she suggested gently. I moved to join them but stopped when a hand landed on my shoulder.

"I'd appreciate it if you would give me a few minutes of your time," Repli-John said just as gently.

John turned back to me with a thoughtful look on his face.

"You know yourself," Repli-John told him. "You know I wouldn't risk anyone hurting her, myself included."

"It's up to Sabina," John replied, meeting my eyes with an open expression that said he was just as comfortable with me agreeing as he was with me refusing.

I looked at Repli-John without saying anything. His face was carefully expressionless now but his eyes spoke volumes. In them was pain and grief and yet also hope. In the end I couldn't ignore that.

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly. "But just a few minutes."

And so we split up. John went for a walk with Elizabeth, both sets of Ronon and Teyla's also heading off to check out the surrounding area. That left Repli-John and me in the tent alone together.

"Well this is awkward," I said nervously, looking anywhere but at him.

"I remembered you," Repli-John spoke in a low voice. "They wiped your existence from everyone's minds. They tried to do the same thing to me but I remembered you anyway. It was hell because I was the only one who did. They had me questioning my own sanity."

"I'm sorry," I said, not really sure why.

"Not your fault," Repli-John said with a self depreciating smile. "I asked Elizabeth to make it a condition that you be here."

"I kinda worked that out for myself," I retorted, relaxing somewhat in the face of his approach.

"Everything I have up here," Repli-John pointed to his head, "it's all just copied memories. None of it really happened to me and yet I feel ... I _feel_." He turned away, putting a hand to his eyes. I saw him swallow hard and I knew suddenly how much he was struggling. In that moment I realised that no matter how he'd been created he _was_ a real person. Not my John but still a living breathing human being who was hurting, in a way because of me even though I'd had no choice in being the instrument of his suffering.

"John?" I let my tone speak for me, urging him to continue knowing I was invested in helping him if I could.

"I thought if I saw you in person I could own the memories as much as I own those feelings," Repli-John concluded. "I know, that sounds pretty stupid right? I know you belong to him and you'd never do anything to risk that. And I wouldn't erase the way I feel even if I could. I don't know what I thought I'd really achieve by getting you here."

"John?" I tapped my earpiece, waiting for my John to respond.

"Sabina?" his voice rumbled in my ear, grounding me and making me sure of what I should do.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm about to hug the Replicator you so you better speak up right now if that really bothers you," I said quickly. My gaze was locked on Repli-John and I smiled at the grin that appeared on his face.

"Ah ... all right?" John replied uncertainly. "Just ... don't kiss him okay."

"God no!" I retorted. "Are you heading back? I want to know what happened to our Elizabeth."

"We're a few minutes away," John reported. "Do me a favour? Don't ask him to tell you. I want to do that."

"Okay," I closed off the channel, my mind swirling with unpleasant thoughts. There could be only one reason why John wanted to tell me.

"You okay?" Repli-John broke into my reverie.

"Ah ...," turning my attention back to him I smiled. "I'm really sorry the Replicators did this to you." Walking slowly over to him I held out a hand, smiling again when he took it without hesitation.

No jolt ... that was the first thing that struck me as our hands met. Repli-John might have looked and sounded like my John but the lack of an ATA gene reaction from me said more than anything else that he _wasn't_ John. I don't know why but that fact made me feel even sadder for him ... like they'd taken away something inherent that any version of John _should_ have. It was all very confusing and in the end I pushed the thoughts from my mind and concentrated on treating him like a person in need of simple human comfort.

Pulling him to me I put my arms around his middle and hugged him tightly. "I wish there was something we could do to fix this."

"This is a pretty good start," Repli-John replied, his voice shaking with unshed tears.

"God this is so screwed up!" I pulled back so I could see his face. His eyes were glazed and his control at the limit, I knew it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge. I wanted to do something to bring him back but I couldn't think of anything except the lame comment I came up with. "This is nice and all but I'm not kissing you – just in case you were wondering."

"I got that from your side of that radio conversation," Repli-John laughed abruptly. "I can't believe you told him you were hugging me before you did it."

"Sure you can," I countered, pulling away and taking a step back.

"You got married?" Repli-John gestured to the rings I'd gotten so used to wearing. Even as a Replicator he didn't miss a thing.

"Yeah, couple of months ago," I said with a smile. "Eloped back on Earth."

"I bet that drove the IOA into fits," Repli-John said with an amused chuckle.

"They weren't thrilled having 'approval' power taken away from them," I agreed. The conversation dwindled to a stop, the awkward silence another testament to the fact that this really wasn't my John with whom I was never at a loss for words. "So what now?" I eventually asked.

"Now we get on with defeating the Replicators," Repli-John said decisively, already pulling everything difficult back inside.

"Good," I turned to leave the tent in search of my John.

"Sabina?" Repli-John called me back. I turned to him with a raised brow. "Thank you for this," he said simply. "It helped ... more than you could possibly know."

"You're welcome," I returned. "Should we go find John and Elizabeth?"

"I'm right behind you," Repli-John promised.

That's about the time all hell broke loose.

Teyla was on the radio shouting that the Replicators had arrived. John was ordering Rodney and I to fall back to the Gate, an order immediately rescinded when Major Jordan reported that the Replicators had the Gate locked down.

"All right, everybody fall back to the Jumper," John ordered instead. "Sabina, Rodney, did you hear me?"

"I'm already on the way," I reported back. "I've got the other John with me."

"Yeah, I heard you too," Rodney reported in next. "We're on our way."

By the time we got there the others had all gathered. Elizabeth took centre stage - clearly she and John had already come up with a plan.

"We're going to provide a distraction," she indicated herself and her team. "We use our Jumper to lure that ship away from the Gate. If you and your people are in position near the Gate you should be able to dial Atlantis before the Replicator's realise."

"No!" Rodney protested. "What happens when they catch up with you?"

"We cloak as soon as we're far enough away," Repli-John looked to Elizabeth with a subtle nod. "We've escaped one of their ships that way before."

"You could come back with us," I looked at Elizabeth pleadingly. I knew she wasn't our Elizabeth but at that point I didn't care. I just wanted to save one version of her. Deep down I guess I was thinking if I could do that then it would make up for not saving _our_ Elizabeth.

"We both know that's not as simple as it sounds," Elizabeth said kindly. "Besides, we'll all have a better chance this way."

"I don't want you doing this because you feel any less, uh ...," John trailed off, unsure what word to use.

"Human?" Elizabeth offered. "From the beginning we've been trying to convince ourselves that we're just like you. Now we've got a chance to prove it."

"Not like this," I tried again to convince her.

"We don't have time for a long discussion," Elizabeth smiled, everything about her demeanour telling us she was satisfied with her decision. "We'll do our best to give you sufficient time. Use what we gave you wisely ... defeat the Replicators and we'll call it even."

"All right," John motioned for those of us going back to the Gate to gather to him. "Let's go."

"Sabina," Repli-John called to me. "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Ah ... likewise?" I replied uncertainly, raising another smile from him. "You better fly that Jumper like the star pilot you always say you are."

"Never in doubt," Repli-John retorted with a smart arse smile. Turning serious again he added one final comment. "Take care of him."

"Never in doubt," I returned softly, starting when my John put his hand on my arm to draw my attention back to our part of the scenario. When I glanced back Repli-John and the others were gone.

"We have to go," John told me, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the path after Rodney and the rest of his team.

We ran for the Gate as quietly as we could, choosing a spot deep under cover where we could see the Replicator ships hovering. The other Jumper rose sharply from the trees, buzzing past the Replicators arrogantly before flying away low over the trees. Moments later the Replicator ships pursued, leaving the Gate unguarded.

"Now!" John shouted.

We all jumped up and sprinted for the Gate, Major Jordan getting to the DHD first and dialling home. As soon as we'd all stepped through to Atlantis John was ordering they shut the wormhole down.

"No-one else is coming," John concluded, looking at me sadly.

oOo

"Do you think they made it?' I asked John. It was late and the rest of the city slept. I had too much on my mind to settle down, questions I needed answers to. It was a balmy night and the breeze coming in from the ocean swept over the balcony refreshingly.

"It's not likely," John said honestly from his position sitting beside me. "But you never know. They might have been able to cloak before the Jumper got damaged too much."

"Tell me about Elizabeth," I requested, looking out over the ocean.

"According to the leader of the renegade group of Replicators she was killed months ago," John admitted sadly. "Oberoth tried to integrate her into the Replicator collective but she managed to retain some of her humanity. Oberoth was worried she'd corrupt other Replicators so he terminated her nanites."

"I expected it was bad news," I sighed, turning and pulling John's arm around me. Leaning my head on his chest I waited for the emotions to hit me. But they didn't. "I feel ... numb," I admitted. "I've spent so long wondering about her, worrying about what I did injecting those NAPs into her ... I don't know how to feel now. I think ...," I hesitated before continuing. "I think part of me is relieved because I know I didn't kill her with my stupid stunt. God that is so wrong, isn't it?" Jumping up I turned to lean over the balcony, feeling angry and sickened at my selfish thoughts.

"It's not wrong," John came up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "It's a natural reaction. Everyone struggles to live with uncertainty ... we needed closure even if it's not what we hoped for."

"I guess," I turned to face him again. "How are you feeling about all this?"

"Like I want to go out and hit something, really hard," he admitted. "Like I want to sit down and be weak for a moment, not have to hold everything in just to keep sane."

"We make a great pair don't we?" I smiled weakly, my lips trembling as I fought the tears that had finally arrived.

"I authorised her personal effects to be removed tomorrow," John admitted hoarsely. "I never did it before because I really believed we were gonna bring her back home."

Running out of words John pulled me into him, holding me close. That was enough to release the water works ... the tears for Elizabeth I'd held inside for months. I don't know how long we remained like that, quiet but for the sound of the ocean and my sobbing. In time my tears ran out and I leant tiredly into John, still needing his closeness.

"It was sad," I told him softly. "Repli-John holding on to those emotions even though he knew they weren't really his own."

"I got a glimpse at a picture of myself I don't ever want to see for real," John admitted. "Grief over losing you knowing you were alive and well hit him hard. I don't even want to imagine how much worse that could be."

"Is that why you didn't mind me hugging him?" I asked curiously.

"It was a small thing and if I know me, it would have helped," John excused lightly.

"How's Rodney taking all this?" I changed the subject abruptly.

"Not well," John replied. "He's buried himself in work so he doesn't have to talk about it. The good news from that is he got the tracking device working."

"How bad is it?" I looked up at John worriedly.

"About forty ships detected so far," John replied grimly.

"Crap, that _is_ bad," I said weakly. "What can we do when they have such vastly superior numbers?"

"Nothing tonight," John still had his arms around me and he tightened his hold so he could lift me off my feet. Walking us both inside he didn't stop until he'd reached the bed, letting his forward momentum propel us down to the mattress. "It's been a long, difficult day and it's late."

"I'll sleep when you do," I bargained, happy for him to settle us spooned together under the sheets.

"It's a deal," John pressed a good night kiss to the side of my neck, sighing as he rested his head beside mine.

We lay awake together for a long time but eventually we did fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 9_


	43. Interlude 9: We guarantee their safety

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 9: This way we guarantee their safety**

Meeting the real Team Sheppard didn't make us feel any less ourselves, but meeting Sabina did wonders for my peace of mind. I loved her ... those feelings just as real as they'd been _before_ I'd discovered I was a copy of the real John Sheppard. Meeting her hadn't diminished my feelings and I found myself actually happy about that, even though I knew she was lost to me. At least she was alive and well somewhere out there. I shuddered to think how my counterpart would ever handle it if Sabina were taken away permanently. Lucky for me I would never have to find out how that felt.

"You didn't tell them we had a ship in orbit?" Elizabeth questioned as I got us in position to buzz the Replicator ships.

"They wouldn't have gone for this option if they'd known," I replied casually. "This way we guarantee their safety."

"It was nice," Elizabeth said softly. "Being on a mission with you all."

"It was nice for us as well," Teyla replied graciously. "You were not gone as long for us as for the people back on Atlantis but still ... we missed you Elizabeth."

"I still say we're just as much us as they are," Ronon insisted.

"And this proves it," Teyla told him with a complacent smile.

"Get ready guys," I told them. "It's show time."

I flew the Jumper past the Stargate, showing off a bit with tight manoeuvring during a close pass. Sabina was watching somewhere down there, enough to inspire me to live up to her last comment about my piloting skills.

The Replicator ships both followed us just as planned. Lucky for the others on the ground. Sensors let us know when the Gate engaged, and then again when it shut down.

"They're through," Elizabeth commented.

"Time to get out of here," I announced, attempting to cloak. Unluckily for us the Replicators had gotten enough hits past me to damage the cloak. I tried to avoid further hits but the Jumper was damaged enough to affect manoeuvrability. Everything went downhill from there, culminating in me crash landing the Jumper into the trees.

I came to moments later, trying to raise myself from hanging over the control console to see how the others were doing. The Jumper was silent and I knew they were probably too badly damaged to recover.

We hadn't made it but Sabina and her team _had_ ... that was all that mattered to me.

The moments passed in silence ... I could feel my injuries healing gradually but it wasn't enough.

The Replicators found us, one of them just in time to see a cut on my face healing in standard nanite assisted fashion.

"Yeah. We tricked you, but don't feel so bad," I told the Replicators with a smile. "After all, we almost had ourselves convinced."

He raised his gun. I had just enough time to register the shot ... to make my last thought an image of Sabina smiling at me before ...

**Authors Note:**

While I was tempted to keep Repli-John's fate unknown I decided to go with canon on this - hence this last small chapter from Repli-John's POV. Hope you liked my version of This Mortal Coil ... Be All My Sin's Remember'd will follow soon.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 35_


	44. It’s not a long term solution

**Chapter 35: It's not a long term solution**

Now that Rodney had cracked the tracking device RepliElizabeth had given us, it provided another means for thwarting the Replicators. Over the following weeks, every off world team became very busy going to human planets in the path of Replicator ships. Before I knew it I'd already done ten missions with Team Lorne and I could see that there'd be many more with no end in sight. We needed to complete the original plan to turn off the attack directive but so far Rodney had been struggling to come up with something, even with the Wraith's continuing help.

John's team were off the next day to M9R-373; Team Lorne was scheduled to go somewhere more familiar – M7G-677, more fondly known as 'the planet with all the kids'. We hadn't checked in there for a while and Rodney was concerned about the continuing viability of their Wraith shield so we were taking Doctor Zelenka with us to remove their ZPM just in case.

"Have you noticed anything off with Teyla lately?" John asked me at dinner the night before. Usually we ate together in the Mess Hall, making ourselves available to anyone who wanted to sit with us. John had decided that we should eat alone for a change and I'd suggested a picnic on the East Pier.

"She's been different since they came back from New Athos when her people first went missing," I replied, sitting cross legged on the blanket.

"I meant health wise," John clarified. "She's been late for missions and she looks sick much of the time."

"Yeah, I did notice that," I admitted. "I'm sure it's nothing serious otherwise Jennifer wouldn't be clearing her to go off world." I had some vague suspicions as to why Teyla was unwell but it wasn't my place to raise them, especially not within the context of John's relationships within his team. "It must be difficult for her being so worried about her people all the time."

"I guess," John nodded, letting the matter drop. Handing me a fizzing soda in a fancy glass he held up his own and looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes. "Happy three month anniversary."

"Really?" I smiled in delight. "Is that why we're out here instead of in the Mess?"

"It's been a busy few weeks," John pointed out. "We haven't had a lot of time to spend together, beyond dropping into bed at the end of the day already half asleep."

"True," I agreed. Tapping my glass against his gently I smiled again. "Happy three month anniversary."

We each took the customary sip before putting the glasses aside. In unison we wordlessly gathered up the plates and cutlery and other bits and pieces and put everything back in the basket. Setting it aside John turned back to me, stretching out on his side and propping his head up on one arm.

"And are you happy Mrs Sheppard?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Deliriously Mr Sheppard," I returned just as seriously. "I don't know if that's appropriate right now because there are whole communities being wiped out, Teyla's people are still missing, we have a Wraith in the city, and we _know_ Elizabeth's gone but ... that's the way I feel." John's expression said he was pleased with my admission, and I knew he understood the mixed feelings in that. "What about you?"

"I agree with everything you said," John replied. "It's all been hard to deal with, especially everything to do with finding out Elizabeth's fate ... disappointment, anger, grief, more anger. Would have been much harder without the good stuff to balance it out."

"Exactly!" I returned. "I can't believe it's been three months already."

"Yeah," John got to his feet, holding down a hand to pull me up too. Putting his arms around me he twirled us a couple of times before setting me down again. Brushing my hair back from my face his expression was fondness and love and maybe even a bit of wonder, despite how well we knew each other. "I wasn't sure how the whole marriage thing was gonna go," he admitted. "Don't get me wrong, I was confident we'd make it work somehow but I didn't expect it to be so smooth a transition. I know that's mostly because of you." I was about to protest but John put a hand over my lips and shook his head. "Maybe I haven't actively acknowledged what you do but that doesn't mean I haven't noticed. Checking in on people when they're sick or injured. Keeping up with morale and doing the subtle heads up with Sam to help her know when there's a potential problem. Being the first one to turn up and offer help if there's a need. I can see how much everyone trusts you, military and civilian and I just ... I can't tell you how much I appreciate it ... how much I appreciate _you_."

"Wow - I can't believe you've managed to embarrass me," I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks. "When you put it like that it sounds very 'wife' behind the scenes doesn't it? Not that I set out to be that ... I just wanted to help, to have some kind of role beyond being my own little department of Wraith and Ancient research."

"Well you've certainly done that," John agreed, hugging me close. Leaning his chin on top of my head he continued. "In fact I think you've turned being the only military wife here into a position in its own right."

"All part of the service," I quipped, going up on my toes so I could nestle my face into that warm spot just under his jaw for a moment. Leaning back to look at him I tried to explain. "I know how lucky I am to be employed here, how lucky we are to be together. There are a lot of people with spouses back on Earth and it's difficult for them, even the military guys who're used to separation."

"You earned a position here long before you were my wife," John reminded me. "I hope you don't think you have to keep earning it because they're letting us both stay here."

"It's not like that," I explained. "It's more like I'd never take it for granted ... like I _need_ to do things that show the SGC, the IOA, and I guess every person who lives here too, how much I appreciate it."

"Oh," John thought for a moment before nodding. "That makes sense."

"I know I haven't mentioned it since but that whole thing with Davos made me think about a lot of things," my voice shook a bit with nervousness as I decided abruptly that the time was right to raise something with John.

"Only natural," John agreed. "Anything specific?"

"Children," I let that one word be the entire conversation, knowing John would understand all the thinking that had gone on surrounding it.

"Are you saying ...?" John looked down at me in surprise.

"That I'm ready to have children right now?" I finished his sentence lightly. "I'm not sure I'd describe it as _ready_ but ... it's something I've discovered I really want, I'm not getting any younger, and, to borrow the words of Davos, the window of opportunity may not be as wide as I'd like it to be."

"Oh," John replied somewhat lamely. I had to smile because for the first time that I could recall I'd actually succeeded in making him speechless. I knew that having children had become something important to him many months before but deep down John believed it would be a long time until I reached that same place. That he was willing to wait, to let me get there on my own, meant more to me than I could express and maybe had even helped me get there faster than I otherwise would have.

"What I'm trying to say ... to ask," I took a moment to think about my words before continuing, "John, will you give me a child? I mean not right this minute or anything, just ... could we just leave it up to fate, at least for the next few months?"

"I like the sound of that," John replied in a low tone. His eyes had that sparkly 'holding in strong emotions' shine and his expression let me know he was well aware of what a big thing it was for me, despite how casually I'd presented it.

"Good," I said, relieved to have that difficult conversation over for the time being. "Okay enough introspection," I announced, making him smile. "Give me a kiss."

"Yes Ma'am," John agreed promptly. He didn't move at first, searching my face as though he were painting himself a new picture, and ending with an intent gaze that got me all hot and bothered in seconds. Finally he leaned down, making the journey of his lips to mine slow and deliberate. I don't know how he made a kiss that added to the thousands we'd already shared into something new. But he did and I was quickly wishing we were somewhere just a little more private.

"_John_," I broke away, breathless and tingly.

"You're right," he grinned mischievously and the next thing I knew he'd swung me up into his arms and started walking back down the pier.

"John - put me down," my voice shook with giggles as he made like he couldn't hear me. "John, it's a long way between here and our room. You can't carry me all that way!"

"Sure I can," I should have known he'd take that as a challenge.

We got a lot of looks as John walked us down corridors, into transporters and then back out again. I took to hiding my face in his shoulder in embarrassment while he behaved as though he walked through Atlantis with me in his arms all the time.

"Sir," the sound of Major Lorne's voice had me groaning before I reluctantly raised my head to look at him.

"Major," John greeted him casually.

"Special occasion Sir?" Evan's lips twitched and I knew he was holding in his amusement with difficulty.

"Three month anniversary," John shared without even blinking.

"Go on, say it," I said when it looked like the Major was gonna make some kind of smart remark.

"All I was gonna say was congratulations," Evan countered. "You're all set for our mission tomorrow right?"

"Of course," I relied with a frown. "Why would you ask that now?"

"It's just that you seem to have something wrong with your legs so I thought ...,," Evan laughed as I groaned again.

"Oh very funny," I said with a straight face. "See you in the morning Major."

John got us moving again and I looked over his shoulder at Lorne's amused expression as he watched us walk away.

"Enjoy your evening Evan," I called out, making the next part deliberately suggestive. "We will be!"

I was close enough to see his face redden before he turned and strode away.

"That was mean," John admonished me, eyes filled with amusement.

"But necessary," I returned. "You know what it's like on a team ... you let anyone get the upper hand and you never hear the end of it."

"True," John agreed. Eventually we got to our room, but not before it seemed like we'd passed every single person in the city. John wasn't even breathing hard when he dropped me down on the bed.

"Very impressive display of masculine strength," I complimented.

"Oh I've got more where that came from," John replied with a suggestive look of his own.

"Show me," I let the light hearted tone of the last few minutes dissipate, wanting him with the same urgency I'd felt since the first time.

It wasn't like we hadn't connected in the intimate sense over the last few weeks ... but we hadn't taken the time to really do justice to that aspect of our relationship. Being the sole focus of John Sheppard's attention was still a turn on all on its own. He had me immersed in that other world of touching and caring and giving in an instant, for once neither of us in a hurry to get to the other side.

oOo

Our mission to M7G-677 went off without a hitch, their familiarity with Atlantis personnel making it easy for us to convince them they should relocate for a while. While Radek downloaded everything from their Ancient defence system before removing the almost depleted ZPM, Major Lorne coordinated the rest of us to get everyone Gating back to Atlantis. They were a relatively small settlement so putting them on the mainland of New Lantia seemed the most efficient course of action. Hopefully we'd be able to return them home before too long.

"Good mission?" John was waiting on the steps to the Control Room when I stepped through the gate a couple of hours later.

"Yeah," I agreed, handing off my weapon to one of the Gateroom marines. "Everyone evacuated without a fuss ... Brown was coordinating that from this end so I assume they're now safely settled on the mainland. Major Lorne is just supervising Radek's removal of the ZPM so they should be here in a half hour or so. How did your mission go?"

"M9R went okay," John offered, turning and motioning me up the steps. "The Sions agreed to head to one of their trading partners, once Teyla talked at them for a while. Unfortunately we lost Lieutenant Kemp's team and two thousand villagers this morning – Replicators got there earlier than we'd predicted."

"We can't keep doing this can we?" I asked grimly.

"It's not a long term solution," John agreed, his expression telling me how deeply he felt the loss of those men. "We can't save everyone but we have made a difference so far. It's enough to keep us going until we can switch off the directive."

"How's that coming along?" I shot a glance at John in time to see him grimace slightly. "What?"

"Rodney's been given a deadline of 10 hours ... as of a few hours ago," John revealed. "The Daedalus and the Apollo arrived while you were gone. Colonel Ellis was less than impressed with Rodney's progress."

"What happens when the ten hours are up?" I asked worriedly.

"Our ships use their Asgard plasma beam weapons to take out individual Replicator ships," John revealed. "They're aware that won't destroy the Replicator cells but they seem happy enough with the idea of inert cells floating around in space."

"How did Rodney take that?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise, imagining he'd have been less than impressed.

"He was okay all things considered," John replied. "It was pretty clear Ellis had no respect for the scientific approach – he was pretty hard on Rodney."

"This is the same Ellis who thought you should have been in charge instead of Elizabeth?" I confirmed.

"Yeah," John agreed. "Sam wasn't impressed ... dressed him down about talking to Rodney like that. It was kinda cool actually."

"Good for her," I smiled at the idea. We'd arrived at the infirmary by then so I moved over to one of the beds to wait for my post mission check.

"You've got another mission this afternoon, right?" John moved to stand beside me, waiting for my nod before continuing. "I'll be in with our visiting Colonels, working out Plan B."

"Do you think Rodney will finish before the end of the deadline?" I asked.

"In a word? No," John admitted. "I'm not saying that given enough time he _couldn't_ work out how to turn off this directive but we don't have that kind of time. We're already stretched too thin on resources and we're running out of places to relocate people."

"Will you be going with them when they head out?" I asked the question even though I was pretty sure I knew what the answer would be.

"For the first mission," John explained. "If that proves successful then Colonel Caldwell and Colonel Ellis will work out their own strategy to take out as many Replicator ships as they can."

"Sabina," Jennifer came over to do my post mission check herself.

"Hey Jennifer," I greeted her with a smile. "You must be getting sick of all these additional checks by now."

"It is a little odd seeing the same person more than once in the same day," Jennifer admitted, quickly confirming all the things on the list they usually checked.

"Unfortunately you'll be seeing me back here later too," I told her. "Got just enough time for food and then we're heading back out again."

"Well as long as we don't see you in here for anything else I can't complain," Jennifer said with a smile. "Everything checks out here so you're free to go."

"Thanks Jennifer," I hopped off the bed eagerly and moved to John's side. "See you later."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 36_


	45. Trusting them is making me nervous

**Chapter 36: Trusting them like this is making me nervous**

Rodney's ten hours expired with him still a long way from resolving his programming issues, bumping plan B into the 'implement now' slot. John headed out straight away on the Apollo with Sam on the Daedalus to take out the first Replicator target. Even though it was late both ship commanders were keen to get their first engagement over with. I guess the Replicators didn't care whether it was 9am or 11pm so neither could we.

Going to bed without John for the first time in ages made for a restless night. Finally dropping off to sleep in the early hours of the morning I was jolted awake only an hour or so later by John returning.

"You're back," I sat up to see him creeping around the room trying not to disturb me.

"Sorry," John came over to me and sat down. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Wasn't sleeping that well anyway," I admitted, putting my arms around him and leaning my head against his shoulder. "How'd it go?"

"One Replicator ship destroyed," John's tone was relief rather than triumph which seemed appropriate given what was at stake and the inherent problems with the Plan B approach.

"Good," I said simply. "Do you get to sleep now?"

"Are you taking the morning off?" John countered.

"No mission this morning," I reminded him. "I could use the sleep too."

"Okay," John got up and disappeared into the bathroom. I slumped back onto my pillow, frowning up at the ceiling. Plan B would take the pressure off all the evacuation teams – until the Replicators worked out a way to counter our strategy. I would have preferred the 'turn them off' approach instead but in the end at least we were now making a dent for our side.

By the time John reappeared I'd fallen into a semi-dozing state, enough that I was happy to snuggle into him and drop the rest of the way into sleep.

oOo

It took a week of both Earth vessels intercepting the Replicator ships and destroying them before the Replicators responded with a change of strategy. Back on Atlantis we'd been continuing with the evacuation of planets in the path of their ships, only able to do so because the numbers at risk had dropped significantly since our ships had been out there. Apollo had destroyed three Replicator ships and the Daedalus four, leaving a still ridiculously large number of ships left to be destroyed.

"I heard the Replicator ships are falling back to their home world," I said to Teyla during our yoga session the day after the Daedalus returned.

"Colonel Carter believes they are building more ships in order to move around the galaxy in larger groups," Teyla replied, sitting up and wiping at her face with a towel. She looked a little pale and tired, even with the respite in off world travel.

"Are you feeling better these days?" I asked her casually.

"The past few weeks have been very difficult," Teyla replied. "I have not been sleeping well."

"And the fact that you're pregnant wouldn't have helped," I said matter-of-factly.

"How did ...?" Teyla looked over at me in surprise.

"It wasn't that difficult Teyla," I said in exasperation. "You've been sick in the mornings, tireder than usual, and I'm sorry but you're starting to show too. Maybe I notice that more because we do these training sessions but I don't think I'd be the only one with suspicions."

"I _am_ expecting a child," Teyla admitted with a small smile.

"Congratulations," I returned softly. "I am happy for you Teyla but ... I just don't get why you haven't told John and the rest of your team."

"It is complicated," Teyla said evasively.

"What's complicated about expecting a baby?" I countered with a frown.

"Do you think John will let me remain an active member of his team?" Teyla asked me tersely.

"If you're putting the baby at risk then probably not," I replied after thinking for a moment. "Surely you don't want to do that?"

"Of course not," Teyla returned insistently. "But my people have been _missing_ for more than two months now. If I am not on an off world team then I cannot search for them."

"You don't trust everyone else to keep their eye out for leads?" I asked in surprise.

"I do," Teyla countered. "I would find it ... difficult to sit around and let others search in my place."

"I can understand that," I offered, "but it's not like you can just keep it to yourself indefinitely. You're already at the edge of everyone working it out for themselves. You need to tell John before someone else brings it to his attention."

"You are not planning on telling him yourself?" Teyla asked curiously.

"I wouldn't pass on something said in confidence," I said with a frown. "Even to John. He wouldn't expect me to."

"Of course," Teyla said apologetically. "I will tell him soon."

"Don't leave it too long," I told her in all seriousness. "John's gonna be disappointed you kept it a secret for so long ... the longer you leave it the worse that'll be."

"I know," Teyla agreed unhappily. "I wish the baby's father were here."

"Is it Kanaan?" I smiled when Teyla again looked surprised. "I heard a rumour you were seeing someone from New Athos by that name."

"You are remarkably well informed," Teyla said somewhat irritably.

"Small city, big gossip machine," I reminded her. Getting to my feet I smiled down at her. "Just hurry up and make this common knowledge, okay? You've had more than enough time to think about the problems. I think it's time you started to enjoy being pregnant. I admit I don't know anything about baby ... stuff but I'm sure someone here will be able to get us started on celebrating."

"Thank you Sabina," Teyla returned softly, putting a hand over her 'bump' as though reassuring the little life inside that she _was_ happy to be expecting it.

"Any time," I waved a farewell.

My next stop was the Ancient library ... the plan to continue my history introspective of Atlantis during the Kirsan fever outbreak. It was the first session I'd allowed myself since the Replicator situation had blown up, so my mind was quickly absorbed in thinking back over what I'd already done.

On the way up the main tower stairs I spotted John, Sam and Rodney talking in her office. Rodney was waving his arms around, clearly excited about whatever he was explaining. I couldn't tell if he had his 'I am a genius' expression on but even seeing him that animated was a welcome change from how he'd been lately.

I'd left my current book in the viewing chamber and happily settled back in to continue reading about the history of the city. And that's where John found me a couple of hours later.

"Hey," he drew my attention to where he stood in the doorway.

"Hi," I withdrew my hands from the chamber and motioned him over. "This book is really interesting ... most of the history stuff has been pretty dry 'we did this and then we did that' accounts but this one goes into explaining some of their reasoning for creating devices and what their plans were for future research."

"Anything useful right now?" John asked curiously.

"Unfortunately not," I admitted. "Most of the things I've spotted are projects we already know about."

"I'm sure you'll keep at it," John smiled when I nodded eagerly. "I wanted to tell you Teyla, Ronon and I are taking a Puddle Jumper off world. We're taking our Wraith friend too."

"That's a surprise," I replied. For an instant my conversation with Teyla flashed through my mind, including my promise not to say anything about her condition. John's mission sounded like the kind where problems could easily occur but I had to stick firmly to my word. Maybe I could have thought up some way to warn him without breaking my promise but at the end of the day I trusted that Teyla knew her own limits and would speak up before she took unacceptable risks with her baby.

"Yeah well Rodney finally came up with a plan," John explained, "and in usual McKay style it's on a mammoth scale meaning we need allies."

"Wraith allies?" I clarified with a grimace.

"At the very least," John agreed. "Rodney's plan involves manufacturing his own Replicator cells, something you might have some insight into. He's staying behind to work on that so I'll let him explain the details to you himself. You wanna walk me to the Jumper Bay?"

"Sure," I agreed, moving to close off the library systems before following him back down the stairs. "Be careful with this Wraith," I urged as we walked down the corridor. "He's more controlled than a lot of the Wraith I've come into contact with – that makes him all the more dangerous."

"We'll watch our backs," John agreed. "Don't forget, they need the destruction of the Replicators even more than we do."

"That might not be enough to stop them from betraying us if there's something in it for them," I pointed out.

"We'll be fine," John insisted. "I can't imagine anything being more important to them right now."

"I hope so," I allowed. The rest of the way was covered in silence ... when we got to the doors leading into the Jumper Bay we paused.

"See you when you get back," I glanced around, noticed that the hallways were pretty quiet, and took the opportunity to press a quick kiss to John's lips. Not that I wasn't entitled to kiss him goodbye or anything but these days I tried to respect the whole 'on duty and in command' thing. John was smiling when I pulled away, as usual too amused with my trying to look after his reputation.

"Be good," he quipped. "Don't let McKay do anything stupid."

Watching him walk away I wondered from that last comment just how wacky Rodney's plan actually was. After he'd explained it to me ten minutes later I was impressed. Rodney's 'super-dense blob' was truly inspired. It had taken him longer than usual to come up with something but it sounded to me like the wait had been more than worth it. The idea that we could take out all the Replicators in one move was compelling.

"Can I help you with making your own Replicator cells?" I asked hopefully.

"You can stick around, monitor the programming if you like," Rodney offered.

Grinning happily I took a seat at one of the consoles. We were in a special lab where Rodney had transferred the 'Replicator making' machine. Radek was also helping, although it would be clear to anyone stopping by that this was Rodney's show.

It didn't take that long to be ready to make a first attempt. Rodney pressed a few buttons on the machine and we all watched eagerly as a silvery substance not unlike liquid mercury appeared and spread to fill the table surface.

"All right," Rodney looked at the readings carefully. "Basic nanite material has been formed. Let's see if we can get them to interact". He picked up a small device designed to alter the replicator cell programming and walked to the other side of the table.

"I must say, Rodney, this is quite an ingenious idea," Radek said admiringly.

"Were you expecting anything less?" Rodney queried smugly.

"Well ...," Radek hesitated, shooting a glance at me before looking back at Rodney.

"Well what?" Rodney demanded.

"Well, you have been in a bit of a rut lately," Radek admitted that viewpoint reluctantly.

"I have not!" Rodney denied vehemently.

"Okay, well, like a dry spot, maybe," Radek offered that compromise.

"That is not true," Rodney said stiffly.

"Okay," Radek agreed uncertainly.

"It is not!" Rodney reiterated heatedly.

"Maybe it's just that this was such a big problem it just took longer to solve," I offered, not wanting Rodney to go off in a spiral of complaints instead of focusing on what he was supposed to be doing.

"That's typical," Rodney muttered under his breath, turning his attention back to the hand held unit. "Just because I couldn't fix something in less than ten hours suddenly I'm in a rut!"

"Forget I said anything Rodney," Radek wisely changed the subject. "Are we certain that these nanites will not go beyond simple cohesion?"

"Of course," Rodney said confidently. "I've disabled most of the normal protocols. It won't be able to do anything beyond form a simple block. All right, here we go." He tapped a few commands into the unit and the effect was immediate. The silvery liquid drew itself together to form a large block in the centre of the table.

"It worked! You did it, Rodney!" Radek exclaimed.

"Naturally," Rodney said even more smugly than usual given the previous tone of the conversation.

"McKay's back!" Radek quipped.

"Will you stop that?! I was never gone!" Rodney said irritably. Before he could say more the hand held unit started beeping what was clearly a warning tone. "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Wait a minute. We've got a problem. The cells aren't communicating properly."

The nicely formed block collapsed back into the formless puddle it was been before. Rodney signed before looking over at Radek.

"This could be tougher than I thought," he admitted. Radek looked about to say something. "And I don't wanna hear you say anything."

Wisely, Radek refrained from any more teasing about Rodney having been off his game.

"That device Elizabeth gave us only detects Aurora class vessels right?" I asked. Rodney paused in his tapping, glancing up from his screen with a frown. "I was just wondering if they had other classes of vessels too. Won't be an absolute victory unless we get all the Replicator cells, will it?"

"As far as we know, based on the intel the Apollo gathered before the first strike months ago, they only have the one class of vessel," Rodney replied.

"That's good," I commented. "Worrying about getting all the Replicator cells brings me to my second question."

Rodney sighed impatiently, looking up from his screen again. "What?" he demanded impatiently.

"Is there any chance the NAPs I injected into Oberoth could have an effect on Replicator cells?" I rushed on before Rodney could answer. "It's just that those NAPs were designed to disrupt communication between the host nanites and any external ones. If some of them still exist would that mean they won't behave the way you're hoping they will?"

"That's a good question," Rodney said thoughtfully. "At a guess I'd say the Oberoth you injected those NAPs into no longer exists. He would have been rendered silent too quickly to adapt, meaning his fellow Replicators would have destroyed him and created a new and improved version. The interesting thing would be if Elizabeth absorbed a small number of the NAPs before Oberoth stopped communicating."

"Why would that be interesting?" I asked worriedly.

"Because we know she survived for a time and was integrated into the collective before Oberoth destroyed her," Rodney explained. "If some of her NAP altered nanites survived and were passed along like those human traits Oberoth was so worried about then there is a chance there are some Replicators out there who may not be affected by what I'm doing."

"How likely is that?" I looked to Rodney, hoping he'd say not very.

"Extremely unlikely," Rodney returned confidently. "In fact I'd go so far as to say virtually impossible. The Replicator collective picks up differences between individual human forms very quickly. They'd have stamped out any NAP induced differences long before their numbers could get large enough to make a difference."

"That's a relief," I relaxed, smiling thankfully at Rodney. "You can get back to your programming now."

"No more annoying questions?" Rodney raised an eyebrow, pausing for another interruption. When I waved him on casually he did his usual Mmm before turning back to his work.

I would have liked to stay and help them with their project but unfortunately life on Atlantis continued even during the build up to big events like this was going to be. Team Lorne had been scheduled for a late afternoon resupply mission to one of the planets where we'd relocated a number of refugees. So after watching what seemed like a million failed attempts by Rodney to create a stable cube of Replicator cells I regretfully took my leave and went to get ready.

"Major," I greeted Evan and the others, the last one to get to the Puddle Jumper. Glancing down at my watch I added "I'm not late ... just."

"I'll give you this one," the Major motioned me into the co-pilot's chair and quickly powered up the systems. The back of the Jumper was loaded down with boxes we'd have to ferry off at the other end. Hopefully it wouldn't take that long and I'd be back before John and the others returned.

Conversation was minimal as Major Lorne did the usual pre flight and flight tasks that got us up to the open wormhole and through to the other side.

"What do you think of us forming another alliance with the Wraith?" I asked Evan as he flew us towards the refugee camp.

"That they need it as much as we do," he replied seriously. "If it helps people like the ones on this planet .... well that's just a nice side benefit for us."

"I'm not looking forward to all the missions we'll have to do to return all these people home," Brown pointed out.

"Man, that's gonna take days!" Parker returned. "I hope your _legs_ are up to it Sabina."

"I can't believe you told them about that!" I knew immediately that I was being teased and looked across at Evan accusingly as all three of them laughed

"Hey, who said it was me?" Evan denied responsibility, laughing at my frowning face. "You guys walked the entire city. I think Brown and Parker were the only ones who _didn't_ get a first hand view."

"That's okay," I smiled casually. "If the city gossip is anything to go by none of you is even seeing anyone right now." There were grumbles of protest I just talked right over. "Come to think of it, _why_ aren't you seeing anyone? You're all nice guys ... mostly ... and not unattractive. I could hook you up if you like. It's the least I can do for my team mates."

"That's all right," Parker said loudly once I'd finished. "We're good as we are."

"Well, just let me know if you change your mind," I looked away, hiding my smile with difficulty. They were all confirmed bachelors, none of them eager to give up their freedom.

oOo

Our resupply was pretty routine so a couple of hours later I was back on Atlantis, expecting that John would already be back. Of course that was silly because he _wasn't_ back, and they would soon be heading into 'late' territory.

"It's a difficult mission to judge," Sam pointed out when I went up to her office to ask if we were going to send anyone to check up on them. "The Wraith couldn't tell us how long his allies would need to deliberate before deciding whether or not to help us."

"Trusting them like this is making me nervous," I admitted weakly. "You weren't here the other times we trusted the Wraith and regretted it. In fact there hasn't been a time when we did something like this where they didn't betray us in the end."

"This is the first time they stand to gain so much from cooperation," Sam replied. "We'll give John's team a few more hours before we follow them up."

"Any progress on Rodney's side of the plan?" I asked, accepting that I wasn't going to convince her to check on Team Sheppard any earlier.

"And then some," Sam said irritably. At my look of surprise she explained. "He couldn't get the individual cells to hold cohesion because he'd taken away too much of their basic functionality. So he created a human form Replicator, reducing the programming to something incapable of replicating or changing form."

"Is that safe?" I asked worriedly.

"Rodney assures me it is," Sam replied. "You have some experience with altered nanite programming. The ones you created were incapable of acting like those we have experience with, weren't they?"

"Yeah but they were created in a completely different way," I returned. "We've seen how adaptive the programming is. In isolation this Replicator probably can't do more than Rodney programmed it for ... but in the presence of other Replicators that could change."

"Then we'll just have to make sure she can complete her part in this as quickly as possible," Sam replied.

"_She_?" I asked in surprise.

"Yes," Sam smiled with faint amusement. "I'm sure Rodney wouldn't mind if you went down there and checked out the Replicator for yourself. She's being kept in an isolated lab separated from all the city systems."

I nodded, getting up to leave.

"I'll let you know when we hear from John," Sam added before I'd taken more than a couple of steps.

"Thank you," I said, shooting a grateful smile to her before taking my leave.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 37_


	46. That must have been a sight

**Chapter 37: That must have been a sight**

I'd checked out Rodney's very pretty human form Replicator ... he insisted he'd had _nothing_ to do with her looks ... and was finishing up an exercise session in the gym late in the evening when I found out John was back. It was John himself who announced his return when he strode into the gym about two hours after I'd spoken with Sam.

"You're back," I smiled in relief. John swiped the door closed without even saying hello and then turned to me with an expression of intent seriousness.

"Did you know Teyla was pregnant?" he asked in a low, even tone. My insides lurched in reaction ... he was angry ... I'd known he would be but I hadn't made the connection that it wouldn't just be at Teyla - that it would extend to me as well.

"Yes," I went for stark honesty, getting up and moving towards him - only stopping when I was a step away. "Not because she told me though, and only for sure since this morning."

"And you _let_ me take her on such a dangerous mission?!" John glared at me angrily. "She was _stunned_ by the Wraith today! Who knows what that could do to a baby?!"

"I thought about telling you," I admitted, "but I'd promised I wouldn't because I thought Teyla should tell you herself. I urged her to do it when I spoke to her this morning because I knew you'd be upset."

"_You_ should have said something," John insisted irritably.

"I only had suspicions until today," I countered earnestly, trying not to get upset at John's continued annoyance.

"You still could have warned me!" John replied, turning away and running an agitated hand through his hair.

"Could I?" I started to get annoyed myself. "Would _you_ break a confidence like that?"

"I _needed_ to know Teyla's situation," John frowned at my question as he tried to explain his reasoning.

"Yes you did," I agreed calmly. "But not from me. Look, people tell me stuff sometimes and they have to trust that I'll listen without fearing that I'll pass on what I hear to you. I know most people just come to you or Sam when they need something but for everyone else I'm the only voice they have."

"I'm sorry - you're right," John's expression lightened suddenly as he registered what I'd said. "I guess I'm angry that Teyla's known for _two_ months and never said anything. I took her off active duty," John walked over to one of the benches and slumped down on it, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. "When I think about all the missions we've been on during that time ... all the times she could have been hurt. I _can't_ be responsible for something happening to her or the baby and clearly she hasn't been thinking about the risks."

"She wants to find her people," I sat on the floor next to him and leaned my back against his seat.

"I know that," John insisted. "We all want to find the Athosians, but putting herself at risk right now isn't the way to do it."

"I agree with your decision," I looked up at him calmly. "I know Teyla will be upset but she hasn't had the chance to appreciate what she's been given because she's been so consumed with her concern for her people. This way maybe you won't have to protect her so much because she'll want to do it for herself. It's not like you're saying she can't leave the city at all."

"Just promise me one thing," John put a hand on my shoulder, his eyes intent on mine. "If you ever suspect, if there's even just a _hint_ that you're pregnant, you tell me immediately. No waiting until you're sure, or until the timing's right, nothing like that. Okay?"

"Of course," I agreed easily. John nodded wordlessly, squeezing my shoulder firmly before dragging himself back to his feet.

"I have to fill Colonel Carter in on our mission," he explained. I was surprised he'd come to me first ... he really must have been angry with Teyla to put that ahead of the current plan. "I'll fill you in later too."

"Okay, see you in the Mess for dinner?" I asked.

"I'll find you when I can," John replied, raising a hand before heading out the door.

I watched him go, thinking about change. Things would be different for his team with Teyla inactive. I wasn't sure how they'd handle it, especially given her calming influence and her knack with the people they encountered on their missions. Only time would tell.

oOo

I didn't find out until later that night at dinner that John had come in contact with our old friend Larrin while he'd been out there, that _she_ was the reason they'd been late.

"I can't believe you neglected to mention that before!" I said irritably, keeping my voice low so the few remaining people in the Mess Hall wouldn't overhear.

"I was _distracted_," John gave that lame excuse. "Besides, it wasn't like last time. Although she did tie me up again." Seeing my incredulous expression John quickly backpedalled. "But only for a little while and she didn't have any goons this time."

"Well that makes it all better then," I said snidely. "How come she can't just say hello like a normal person?!"

"Trust isn't their strong suit," John acknowledged. "Look, we got more ships so it was worth the less than friendly reception."

"I suppose," I shook my head at where we found ourselves – allies to the Wraith _and_ the Travellers. No wonder everyone was walking around in a perpetual state of worry!

"She'll be here in a few days," John added, holding up a hand before I could make any remarks about revealing our location to another less than trustworthy person. "I _had_ to give her that in order to get those ships. Larrin won't give away our position – they don't share information with anyone, no matter what the reason."

"I hope you're right," I returned grimly.

oOo

The next few days were a welcome respite from the busy time we'd had beforehand. Now that the Replicator ships were all in the one place all the missions to move settlements weren't needed and we'd decided to hold off on returning people to their homes until we'd succeeded in destroying the Replicators.

I'd gotten John to agree that I could meet Larrin when she arrived and escort her to the Conference Room. The meeting was going to be Colonel's only, plus the Wraith and Rodney of course. I was waiting in the Gateroom when the Daedalus beamed Larrin down, and I couldn't help but smile when her face dropped as she caught sight of me.

"Mrs Sheppard," Larrin said snidely.

"Now that we're allies you can call me Sabina," I invited, not missing her look of distaste.

"We're not allies," Larrin denied. "We're just helping out this time because getting rid of these Replicators will benefit everyone."

"That's really generous," I motioned for her to follow me as I led the way up the stairs to the Conference Room.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it," Larrin returned. She might have got that disdainful facade down but I could tell from the way she was glancing around that she was impressed with what she could see. They had an Ancient ship of course but it was nothing compared to the scale of Atlantis.

"John told me what happened when you met up," my words drew her attention back to me. "Did you have to tie him up?"

"Didn't want him getting any ideas," Larrin retorted. "He wasn't exactly cooperative last time."

"Be thankful we don't operate that way," I said seriously. I don't know what she would have said in reply because we arrived at our destination. "John and the others are waiting for you," I said, motioning her through one of the gaps in the open panels. Acknowledging Sam's thanks, I threw a quick wave at John and then headed back down the stairs.

All the high level meetings were starting to get to me – even with John telling me most of what happened later. I could only imagine how much worse it was for everyone else witnessing the goings on and waiting in vain for something formal to be announced.

That's why it was such a relief to everyone when Sam made an all city announcement before our ships headed out.

"May I have your attention," Colonel Carter began. "In just a few hours the Daedalus and Apollo will be joined by seven Hive and six Traveller ships, including an Ancient Aurora class vessel. Our armada will travel to the Replicator planet to hold off the Replicator ships while Doctor McKay activates the changes to their programming which will hopefully see them all destroyed. I will be on the Daedalus. Colonel Sheppard will be operating the Ancient weapons platform on the Traveller ship. In our absence Major Lorne will be in charge of the military and Teyla all other aspects of the city. Thank you."

oOo

"Did I mention how much I hate waiting?" I asked John. Everything was set so we were taking the opportunity for some alone time in our quarters before he had to leave.

"I've lost count," John quipped, pulling me back down to lie beside him. "It'll be fine."

"I wish I was going with you," I said weakly. I'd tried to come up with a reason why I needed to be on the mission because it was essential personnel only but in the end I just didn't have anything. It was unlikely they'd need something translated and Rodney had taken the Replicator programming to a different place than where my expertise lay. "I really want to see the Replicators turn into one big blob."

"I'll take a picture," John joked, wincing when I punched his arm lightly in retaliation. "Look, I'm not denying this is a dangerous endeavour. That's why I'm not disappointed you're staying here this time, much as I know you'd rather be with me."

"It's not that I don't understand all that," I explained, sitting up next to him with crossed legs. "I know how important this is for everyone. It's big ... too big to be sitting around here wondering how it's all going. Hence my first statement – I hate waiting."

"You'll just have to be brave," John replied with a shrug. "I've only got a couple of hours until I have to head out ... I'm sure this isn't how you'd like to be spending them."

Throwing myself down on top of him was all the answer he needed. I wouldn't say that our efforts were any difference since our conversation about babies, but leaving something so enormous up to chance made me feel just a tiny bit reckless. It was quite a shift in psychology to go from doing everything possible to avoid an event to crossing my fingers hoping for it. And wasn't that an embarrassment in itself because of course Doctor Keller knew all about who had what prescriptions so I'd had to admit when I didn't go back to fill mine the reason for that.

Our two hours were up too quickly. I watched from the bed as John got dressed, deciding I'd say my goodbye there instead of in the Gateroom where he'd be beaming up from. Once they got to the first rendezvous point he'd be beamed over to Larrin's ship to travel through hyperspace to the Replicator home world.

"We'll send word as soon as it's all done," John promised. "I know it'll be hard to just go about your business here but that's what I need you to do."

"Business as usual," I agreed with a deliberate smile. "You be careful ... and make sure Larrin knows up front that she doesn't get to keep you for her ship."

"I think she already knows that," John said with a laugh. Coming over to the bed he leant down cupped my face with one hand, kissing me lightly, and then again more firmly. "I love you," he ran his thumb softly down my cheek before kissing me a third time. Retreating reluctantly he headed for the door.

"John," I called to him before he could open the door. When he turned back with a raised brow I smiled. "I love you too."

And then he was gone. I did what he said, went about my usual daily routine, knowing it would take the fleet a day to get into position, however long it took to enact the plan, and then another day to get back to Atlantis.

The waiting was intolerable but it's not like any of us had any choice. I spent more time than usual with Teyla, both of us used to being part of the action.

"Are you angry with John?" I asked her the first time I saw her after the fleet had left.

"About what?" Teyla asked serenely.

"About taking you off the team," I clarified. "From the way he described it, he wasn't exactly gracious about it. He probably never even congratulated you."

"He was angry and rightfully so," Teyla replied. "I should not have left it so long to tell them I was carrying a child. It is only in the past few days that I have come to appreciate the risks I have taken without thought to my baby."

"I can understand why you wouldn't have thought about it though," I told her. "It was unexpected news in the middle of a difficult time."

"Having this child will force many changes," Teyla admitted.

"Yeah, but some of them only in the short term," I pointed out. "I can't see why you wouldn't rejoin John's team after the baby's born – once you feel ready. He said you were off the active duty list, not off the team."

"To be honest I have no idea how I will feel when the time comes," Teyla replied.

"You should start thinking about the things you'll need for the baby," I said with a smile. "Plus on Earth it's kinda traditional to have some sort of baby party before the baby arrives. I don't know much about it though." I paused to think and then grinned. "I know – let's go see Jennifer. She should know all about it."

Jennifer proved to be a font of information about babies in general but knew nothing about baby showers. Amongst the nurses though there was plenty of experience and we soon had a plan for when we'd have the shower and an idea of what to do. Teyla seemed amused by my enthusiasm but touched as well that everyone was so excited for her.

oOo

When we received the subspace communication telling us the Replicator's had been destroyed and all our people were safe an atmosphere of relief fed down through the city. And then we all really were going about our usual routines instead of just pretending we could.

It was almost evening before the Daedalus arrived back first from the rendezvous point, quickly beaming down our people including Colonel Carter and Rodney.

Sam immediately disappeared into her office with Major Lorne and Teyla for an update on what had been happening while she'd been away. Rodney was back at work in the Control Room almost the minute after he beamed down.

"So your plan worked just as you thought it would?" I asked, sitting at the console next to him as he tapped away.

"Not exactly," Rodney admitted. "Fran worked like a charm but the mass took out the power grid before we could overload the ZPMs. Instead we had to dial up the connectivity and take advantage of the high concentration of neutronium in the planets crust. The combined mass sank all the way to the core and imploded. We didn't hang around to check but it should have destroyed the entire planet."

"So that's like ten planets you've destroyed now?" I teased.

"This time completely necessary," Rodney returned without taking offense, still glowing with the success of his genius.

"You did good," I told him simply. "Any idea when John will get here?"

"They've made orbit," Rodney replied. "The Apollo should be beaming him down any second now."

It was more like five seconds later when the glowy light of an incoming beam appeared on the balcony across from us.

"John!" I jumped up excitedly, hurrying over for a heartfelt welcome home hug. John grinned, happy to see me and pleased because he could see how happy I was he was back.

"Hey," he squeezed me hard enough to lift my feet of the ground before putting me down and turning to Rodney.

"Welcome back," Rodney said simply.

"Good to be back," John returned, keeping one arm around me. "Didn't you get back a few minutes ago yourself? What are you working on already?

"Well, you'd be surprised to hear that removing a planet from the database is actually a lot of work," Rodney explained.

"I thought you'd be pretty good at that by now," John suggested teasingly.

"You really just can't resist bringing up the fact that I once accidentally destroyed a couple of planets, can you?" Rodney asked irritably, unable to ignore John's teasing like he'd ignored mine.

"It was an entire solar system," John persisted while I struggled not to laugh openly.

Rodney shook his head, resigned to never hearing the end of that one. Glancing back at his work he waved a hand at his laptop. "You wanna do the honours?"

"No, go ahead," John replied.

"All right," Rodney looked at the big view screen where he had the Replicator planet on display. "M7R-227, you were a constant pain in the ass. It's good to see you go."

Rodney pressed the Enter key on his laptop. We all watched as on the screen the dot that had been M7R-227 beeped. The planet designation disappeared one letter at a time and then the dot flashed out of existence.

"If only it was that easy in real life," John quipped.

"Mmm. Area 51's working on it," Rodney returned. "You guys wanna get a late dinner?"

"Absolutely," John returned.

"Then you can tell me all the details that _won't_ make it into the reports," I added with a mischievous grin.

oOo

I waited until John and I were alone in our quarters before trying to find out how he really felt about the mission.

"Should we be worried that the Wraith never went to the rendezvous point?" I asked.

"I don't know," John frowned. "They had plenty of time to get clear before the explosion. Maybe our Wraith friend decided they'd had enough of being our allies."

"What about the Travellers - how'd it go on Larrin's ship?" I asked curiously, throwing myself down to sit on our bed.

"I was really only there for the battle," John replied. "Spent the whole time using the weapons platform. It was pretty crazy there before the Replicator mass got big enough to start sucking individual cells from space."

"That must have been a sight," I said, regretful that I'd missed it even more now the whole thing had been a success.

"It was," John agreed. "Larrin didn't want to give me a way for us to contact them if we need help in the future but she did agree to keep in touch. How'd it go back here?"

"Very ... very ... slowly," I said semi sarcastically. "I spent a bit of time with Teyla, planned a baby shower for a few months time. Spent a heap of hours in the Ancient library too. Found reference to something interesting I'll tell you about later."

"How's Teyla taking not being on the team for a while?" John asked reluctantly.

"Divided but I think she understands why you did it, even if she doesn't completely agree," I reassured him. "You should probably congratulate her at some stage though. She's feeling pretty uncertain about the future right now and I know she could use the reassurance."

"I'll talk to her tomorrow," John promised, walking slowly over to me. "Now I think you should welcome me home again ... more personally."

"Well, since I did miss you so much ...," I left that sentence unfinished, sliding my hands around his neck and pulling him down to me.

"I missed you too," John returned before we left coherent speech behind and threw ourselves into the most intimate of welcome backs.

A short while later I was still awake when the thought occurred to me. "You know we missed an opportunity here?" I said aloud.

"Mmm?" John murmured drowsily.

"On the Replicator planet," I clarified. "There would have been a few seconds there when space was full of deserted Aurora class vessels just waiting for someone to fly them. We should have rounded up anyone with a strong enough Ancient gene – could have beamed them over and scored ourselves an armada."

"You're right," John agreed, suddenly more awake. "We _could_ have done that ... although I don't think we have anyone apart from yourself and Major Lorne who could have pulled that off."

"So maybe not an armada," I allowed, "but even one ship would have been good."

"Missions where we split our focus in the past, tried to do too many things, always ended badly," John pointed out seriously, probably thinking mostly about the last mission to Asuras ... with Elizabeth. "So maybe it _was_ an opportunity ... but maybe it was another way the mission could have ended badly."

"True," I agreed somewhat dejectedly.

"Hey, the Replicators are gone," John pointed out. "I'll take that – lock it in – and worry about the rest another day."

"Agreed," I settled back against him in the dark, thinking about what we'd gained instead of what could have been.

**Authors Note:**

I couldn't make sense of the ending for this one on the episode. John arrives back obviously some time after Rodney having travelled on Larrin's ship and asks about the Wraith. But didn't Larrin go to the rendezvous point just like everyone else? He should have known the Wraith didn't turn up. And why was Larrin's ship so slow getting him back to Atlantis? They all managed to arrive at the Replicator planet together. Plus why would John travel all the way back on that ship when he could be beamed back to one of the Earth ships just as easily, saving Larrin a trip to Atlantis? So I changed all of that to make more sense.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 38_


	47. Well that doesn’t make any sense

**Chapter 38: Well that doesn't make any sense**

Just as Lieutenant Parker had predicted, the following few weeks were filled with off world missions to return people and supplies back where they belonged. Most of them were routine, with very few complications. There were a couple that required some additional work, like our return mission to M7G-677.

"I don't see why Radek can't go," Rodney was still complaining to John as we walked down the corridor mere minutes before we were due to gate out. Rodney had been roped into coming with my team to help them reconnect their ZPM because of the problems Radek had when he'd removed it.

"It's your turn McKay," John grinned over at me as Rodney made an impatient sound. "Besides, you already assigned Zelenka to help Lieutenant Pierce's team and they gate out later today."

"I'm sure the kids will be too happy being home to bug you much Rodney," I quipped, smiling when he rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Fine, but this better not take too long," Rodney gave in less than gracefully. "I've been trying to track the Wraith ships based on the last readings we had before we left the Replicator planet."

"With almost nothing to go on," John reminded him.

We arrived in the Gateroom before Rodney could say anything to defend himself. The gate was already active and the last of the kids who'd been staying on the mainland was about to step through.

"Sir," Major Lorne greeted us. "Doctor McKay, Sabina. You ready to head out?"

"No time like the present," Rodney replied, glancing across at me expectantly.

"See you in five hours," I told John casually, leaning up to quickly kiss his cheek.

"I'll save you a seat in the Mess for dinner," John replied, running a hand down my pony tail before motioning for me to get moving.

Glancing back with a quick grin and a wave I stepped through the wormhole.

We were greeted on the other side of the wormhole by Keras, still Eldest of his village. Rodney was keen to get straight to the ZPM and Major Lorne motioned for me to accompany him. The rest of the team proceeded into the village to help with the resupply and reorganisation of everyone back to their homes.

Rodney and I were silent as we walked through the trees to the ancient shield device. Once there Rodney carefully opened the special transport case and knelt on the floor to remove the ZPM.

"How much longer do you think the ZPM will last?" I asked curiously, moving to stand close behind Rodney so I could watch him insert the power supply into its socket.

"It's close to depleted but they should still get at least another three months, maybe longer," Rodney replied distractedly. Leaning up slightly he placed both hands on the top of the ZPM and pushed down firmly.

There was a faint clicking sound, followed by an ominous grinding sound.

"What – ." Before I could complete my question the top of the ancient device sprang open, releasing a number of objects that hurtled out at force like some sick version of a Jack in the Box. I only had time to register that something wasn't right before I felt the impact of a sharp object cutting into my shoulder, followed closely by another impact to my chest. I didn't register the journey to the ground so it seemed as though I was standing one second and stretched out looking up at the sky the next.

"Well that doesn't make any sense," Rodney dragged himself up from the device, looking keenly down at his hand held unit with a frown.

"Rod ... ney," I tried to get his attention but my voice came out much weaker than I was expecting.

"I can't believe this!" Rodney exclaimed, looking now at the top of the shield device. "Those Replicator bastards actually booby trapped this, just on the off chance the people came back!" Shaking his head, he turned to get my reaction. It was almost comical the way he looked at standing height, frowned when he didn't see me there, looking down and doing a very visible double take when he realised I'd been hit.

"Oh my God, Sabina!" Rodney dropped down beside me, scrambling in his vest for his bandages.

I could see enough of myself to know I had two thin metal stakes sticking out of me, not something he was gonna treat with a couple of bandaids.

"Get Major Lorne," I ground out, hoping he'd remember that Evan had field medic training.

"Right .... right," Rodney nodded weakly, taking out his radio as his eyes darted from my face down to my wounds and back up again. "Major Lorne this is McKay, over."

"Doctor McKay," Lorne replied. "Is there a problem?"

"You could say that," Rodney replied nervously. "The Replicators stopped in to booby trap the shield device before they left. When I inserted the ZPM it released a number of really sharp projectile weapons."

"Can you still get the shield operational?" Lorne asked, assuming that was the reason Rodney was contacting him.

"Probably," Rodney replied, "but I've got a bigger issue right now. Sabina was standing right in front of the device when it went off. She was hit ... she, ah, she wants your help."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," Lorne promised.

"He'll be here soon," Rodney looked down at me awkwardly. "I'm not sure we can wait that long though – you're losing a lot of blood here. I need to –."

"Do it," I interrupted, gasping painfully as he immediately pressed a bandage to my chest wound while carefully avoiding jostling the spike sticking out. Getting that settled Rodney did the same with the shoulder wound.

"Trust you to be standing right there," Rodney complained. "John is so gonna blame me for this one."

"Couldn't ... have known," I told him with a smile that was more a grimace than anything else. "Why?"

"Why would the Replicators booby trap the shield?" Rodney looked down, waiting for my nod before answering. "Because they worked out we were moving people around to avoid them. They knew we'd be forced to put people back eventually so they set it up to still get rid of some of their intended targets. This is a little personal though, wouldn't take out more than a few people even if we had a whole crowd gathered here."

"Not ... target," I suggested, wincing as Rodney leant in to increase the pressure he was applying. "Ow!"

"Sorry," Rodney apologised miserably. "You don't think these people were the target?"

"They knew ... we'd come to fix ... the shield," I reminded him. "They just wanted ... to cripple us ... by getting rid ... of you."

"You think _I_ was the target?" Rodney looked at me incredulously. "And you got hit instead ... I am so dead if that's true when John finds out."

"My job to protect you," I said, starting to feel woozy, like everything was moving even though I was still. "Dizzy."

"Oh God, oh God ... where's Lorne?" Rodney's voice was panicky as he grabbed his radio again. "Where are you Major?" he demanded.

"Right here," Major Lorne ran up to the device, taking in the situation with a single glance. "How are you doing Sabina?" he asked, dropping to his knees beside me.

"I have two metal ... spikes sticking out of me," I pointed out grimly. "How do you think ... I'm doing?"

"Are you cold? Feeling faint?" Evan persisted, checking each wound by carefully lifting Rodney's bandages.

"Dizzy," I admitted. "Really, really hurts."

"I know," Evan squeezed my hand reassuringly. "You'll be all right."

"Want John," I looked at Evan pleadingly, knowing that was just one step up from being a baby asking for my Mommy. It was possibly pathetic but at that point I really didn't care ... I was woozy and in pain and scared and I knew having John with me would make all of that easier to handle.

"We'll get you home soon," Evan promised, getting a blanket from his pack and tucking it around me. Standing up he walked over to where Rodney was hovering. "Sounds like we don't have to worry about shock at this stage," Evan told him, "but we need to get Sabina to the Gate as soon as possible. She's already lost a worrying amount of blood."

"I can ... hear you," I complained, drawing Evan's attention back to me.

"Listen," he began reluctantly. "You know we can't risk removing these spikes so I'm gonna pack each wound as tight as I can and then we'll stretcher you out of here."

"That sounds like ... it's gonna hurt," I mock complained. "Maybe you should ... call for Doctor Keller ... before ... you move me."

"We could do it like that," Evan agreed, "but we're an hour away from the Gate which makes it a two hour turn around. I'm not sure we've got that kind of time without getting the bleeding under control."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly, tensing myself in preparation for the pain.

Evan had me pale and shaking before he judged the wounds sufficiently packed to allow transport. He and Rodney rigged up a field stretcher from logs and some of the things in their packs and they somehow managed to get me on it without causing excessive amounts of pain.

"Let's head to the Gate," Evan announced confidently, motioning for Rodney to pick up his end and start walking.

I think I spaced out a bit here and there as they walked me through that forest on their makeshift stretcher. It felt like the pain wasn't as bad as when I'd first been hit ... surely that couldn't be a good thing.

"We're here," Major Lorne drew my attention to him with those quiet words. "Parker, dial the gate," Evan ordered as he and Rodney carefully lowered me to the ground.

Lieutenant Parker darted a quick glance my way before rapidly dialling the correct sequence. The DHD seemed to light up as usual but the same ominous grinding noise began as soon as the last symbol was dialled.

"_Everybody down!_" Rodney yelled suddenly, dropping to the ground beside me and attempting to use himself to provide cover for me. Rather than lethal metal spikes this time the DHD spat out a arc of hot sparks before exploding in a loud assault of sound. Rodney waited for the dust to settle before slowly sitting up. "Oh God," he muttered sickly, eyes fixed on the spot where the DHD sat.

"I'm guessing ... you can't fix that," I quipped weakly, my eyes glued to the same spot where instead of the DHD there was now an electronic stump topped with twisted components still leaking smoke.

"Atlantis will dial in when we don't return on time," Major Lorne reminded us confidently. "We should be able to communicate even with the DHD destroyed. They'll send someone to pick us up."

"What about Sabina?" Rodney demanded.

"We can keep her comfortable until then," Lorne said easily.

"But you said before that we didn't have time for Jennifer to make the two hour round trip," Rodney protested to Lorne urgently.

"That was when I thought we had other options," Lorne returned pointedly, his expression exasperated that Rodney wasn't getting it. Obviously my medical situation was less than ideal but Evan was still trying to reassure me that I'd be fine until help arrived.

"It's okay ... Rodney," I spoke up from my position on the ground. "Do we have ... shelter nearby?" I added, feeling exposed and uncomfortable just lying on the ground near the Stargate.

"I'll go scout out a good spot," Lorne proposed, turning towards the forest. "Parker, you're with me. I trust you can look after Sabina until we get back?" Evan looked at Rodney until he nodded his assent, he and Parker then disappearing into the trees.

"They booby trapped ... the DHD too?" I asked Rodney once we were alone, watching him pace impatiently in front of the decimated device.

"And then some," Rodney returned miserably. "We'll have to find another DHD to replace this one because there is no way I can fix it."

"If shield device ... didn't kill you, this ... was the next best ... thing?" I asked.

"Who knows what the Replicators real motivation was," Rodney said impatiently.

"They were ... right to ... target ... you," I pointed out.

"Right? How?" Rodney looked at me with a puzzled frown.

"Was your ... idea that ... wiped them ... out," I reminded him. "Wouldn't have ... done that with ... out you."

"I guess," Rodney shifted uncomfortably. "Lucky for us we didn't come back here before now."

"How far away ... is the nearest Gate?" I shifted to ease the ache in my shoulder, moaning as the movement pulled on my shoulder painfully.

"Can you just not move?" Rodney requested sickly.

"How far?" I asked again, ignoring Rodney's request as I tried to find a spot that was less painful.

"Doesn't really matter," Rodney replied. "Sheppard will send through Doctor Keller to tend to you before he'll allow them to move you anywhere."

"He'll be grumpy ... about the mess ... you got me into," I _wanted_ to think about when John would arrive but at the same time I didn't because with the destruction of the DHD I knew that was gonna be a lot further away than it had been five minutes ago.

"_I_ got you in?" Rodney retorted. "I didn't tell you to stand right in front of the device!"

"Didn't pick up ... it was booby trapped ... either," I reminded him in amusement.

"So I'm having a bad day!" Rodney complained. "So – "

"I've found a spot," Evan reported as he strode back into the clearing. "McKay, help me carry Sabina."

The two men lifted me as before and began walking, Evan taking the forward position and Rodney the rear. A few minutes later the trees began thinning and the incline steepened. Another few minutes and Major Lorne was leading the way into a small cave not far from the base of a large hill formation. Lieutenant Parker had been standing at the entrance but Lorne sent him back to the Gate to await contact from Atlantis. Lieutenant Brown was still in the village meaning our team was now split three ways, a fact I knew wouldn't be sitting well with the Major.

"Is this it?" Rodney looked at the small and enclosed space in dismay.

"It's not the Hilton but it'll do," Evan returned, spreading a blanket on the stone floor before helping me up gently from the stretcher and from there into a lying down position. "How are you doing?" he squatted down beside me, keenly observing my expression.

"I'd much prefer it ... if I wasn't a Replicator ... pin cushion ... but I guess I'm doing ... okay," I returned in the same horribly choppy and breathless voice I'd been using since I'd been hit. The voice that made it impossible to pretend things weren't as serious as they were. "How long ... until we can expect ... Atlantis to call in?"

"Still three hours," Evan looked at his watch before glancing back at me regretfully. "Do you need any pain killers?"

"Don't want any," I carefully avoided commenting on how much pain I was actually in.

"That's not what I asked," Evan said firmly. "You know the drill – on a scale of one to ten, where are you sitting right now?"

"Know that's a ... stupid test ... right?" I complained. Lorne just looked at me, waiting patiently for an answer. "Maybe six."

"Really?" Rodney looked at me sceptically. "Because that looks really painful."

"Is," I agreed with a grimace. "All ... relative. Compared to Walker's ... drug this is ... mild."

"Walker's drug?" Evan asked curiously.

"The guy who kidnapped Sabina back on Earth," Rodney returned thoughtlessly, glancing across at Lorne casually until he registered Evan's less than impressed expression. "Wait – she didn't tell you about that?"

"No she didn't," Evan returned grimly. "All we were told was that Colonel Sheppard needed some specialised help to explain why the rest of his team went to join him. When your team got back we were pretty much straight into preparing for Colonel Carter's arrival."

"Long ... not very interesting ... story," I excused myself.

"I've got time right now and I'm sure there's more to it than you're letting on," Evan insisted, looking at me expectantly.

"Fine!" I grumbled. "Rodney ... can tell you most ... of it."

Filling Major Lorne in on the full sequence of events back on Earth took a while. True to my word I let Rodney do the talking ... my dizziness hadn't improved and my shoulder ached right down to the bone. As for my chest ... well I hardly wanted to consider that, struggling to ignore the fact that my breathing was getting more and more shallow and now gurgled faintly in an ominous 'I've probably done something to a lung' kind of way.

"So Walker injected you with his own home made Wraith DNA extracting drug?" Evan asked when the story was nearing its end.

"Yeah," I agreed weakly. "Felt like blood ... on fire. Couldn't get outside ... own skin for ... relief. No ... unconsciousness ... either."

"And that would be your ten," Evan concluded.

"Don't ... know," I returned. "Maybe ... something out there ... hurts worse ... hope never ... find out what." Evan nodded, looking down at me with a bland expression that just made me feel guilty. "Should have ... told you."

"Yes you should have," Evan agreed. "What if we ran into a situation off world that set off bad reminders for you? I need to know about things that affect my ability to look after you during our missions."

"Sorry," I shifted uncomfortably, stifling the urge to cry out at the pain.

"I'm giving you some of the morphine," Evan announced abruptly, not missing my reaction to even that slight movement.

"Save ... it," I pleaded when he made a move towards his pack. "Only have ... couple of doses. Might need them ... could get bad ... if have to wait ... longer ... for John."

"Okay," Evan agreed reluctantly, "but you tell me if things get any worse."

Nodding gratefully, I closed my eyes and let myself drift.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 39_


	48. Sir, we have an incoming wormhole

**Chapter 39: ****Sir, we have an incoming wormhole**

"Sabina!" Rodney's urgent voice startled me back to reality.

"What?" I grumbled in a low voice. "Can't a girl ... rest?!"

"Not until we get contact from Atlantis," Rodney practically ordered. "You need to stay awake until then so you can tell us how you're doing."

"Tired," I complained, "sore ... dizzy. Sleep ... welcome escape ... right now."

"Not an option," Evan sided with Rodney.

"Then you guys ... have to ... help ... keep me awake," I told them seriously. "Everything's a little ... spacey."

"Are you up to talking?" Rodney asked.

"Maybe," I replied uncertainly. "Feeling a little ... breathless for a while ... stake might have ... done something to ... a lung on the way through."

"And you're just telling us now?" Rodney demanded irritably.

"Said ... _might_," I retorted. "Don't really know ... but ... struggling beyond ... shallow breaths." Rodney made to comment again so I headed him off. "What do you want ... to talk about?"

"As a matter of fact there is something I've wanted to know for going on a year now," Rodney replied slyly. Turning to Major Lorne he explained. "Remember the first time we came across Lucius Luvin?" Evan nodded with a look composed chiefly of distaste and embarrassment. "The only reason John and Sabina weren't affected is because they had that cold ... the one they got on a supposedly tropical planet."

"John's ... birthday trip," I said reminiscently. "Want to know ... how that happened?"

"It'll satisfy my curiosity _and_ keep you distracted until Atlantis calls in," Rodney replied complacently.

"'kay," I agreed after thinking for a few moments about how to summarise things truthfully without going into details. "John got the cold ... because was forced to ... sit in wet clothes ... for a few hours."

"Why was he forced and by who?" Rodney wasn't put off by my very brief explanation.

"Didn't know it before we ... got there ... people in that village had very ... different views about ... things," I capitulated, deciding there was no harm in telling the story. "One ... about men ... women travelling alone ... if not joined."

"They were offended?" Major Lorne asked in surprise.

"No," I returned. "Happy we let slip ... weren't formally linked. Had ... ritual for unattached men ... women. Anyone could ... claim them if ...satisfied ... few requirements. More than one women ... wanted John. Had competition."

"What requirements did you have to satisfy?" Rodney asked curiously.

"John had to show ... was worthy," I revealed. "Had to strip ... to underwear ... then swim across ... huge lake ... island in middle. John waited ... there hours ... for winner to be ... determined. Too long ... no shelter ... wet ... clothes. Made him ... sick."

"And what did you have to do?" Evan asked with an amused smile.

"Tried to ... explain ... misunderstanding ... John not free agent," I explained. "Didn't believe me ... said ceremony announced ... had to be completed. Needed ... formal proof ... we were joined. Didn't have ... it. Had to compete for ... John with anyone ... interested."

"You competed to win John?" Rodney couldn't help himself and laughed at the thought. "I bet that went down well!"

"John didn't get to see ... on the island ... waiting to be rescued," I reminded them.

"You haven't told us specifically what you had to do," Lorne pointed out. "Did you have to defeat the challengers in a fight?"

"Ah ... not exactly," I admitted, shifting in embarrassment. I'd kept myself pretty still while I'd been telling the story, to the point I'd believed I'd reached a kind of equilibrium on my injuries. I'd gotten used to the level of pain and the mild sensation of dizzy floating consciousness and worked out how deep a breath I could take without causing myself additional pain. That minor movement disabused me of that notion, sharp pain shooting through my chest and causing little spots to appear in my vision.

"Sabina!" Rodney's urgent voice brought me back to myself. Looking over at him weakly I tried to smile reassuringly in the face of his obvious panic.

"Sorry," I groaned out. "Shouldn't ... have moved."

"I need to check your wounds," Evan knelt beside me, trying to assess how I was doing without disturbing his previous first aid efforts. He shot a glance at Rodney that pretty clearly broadcast he was less than happy with what he'd seen.

"Still ... bleeding?" I asked weakly.

"You're doing okay," Evan replied evasively. "You didn't finish your story ... if it wasn't fighting what did you have to do?"

"Series of challenges ... had to prove .. could look after John better ... than anyone else ... competing," I tried to focus on immersing myself in the memory of something that had been uncomfortable and embarrassing at the time but in hindsight was actually pretty funny. "Protecting him ... was one. Showed them ... stick fighting and the ... gun stuff ... made that one easy to win."

"What else?" Rodney asked, trying to convince me he was interested in the story more than the fact that I was in danger of bleeding out before someone from Atlantis called in to check on us.

"Four aspects ... protection, physical ... stuff, emotional ... wellbeing, and ah ... future generations," I rushed out the last two, hoping they wouldn't ask for details but knowing in the spirit of distracting me they would.

"Did they make you cook something?" Rodney asked with a teasing smirk.

"Basic survival ... training stuff," I told him, "you know – find food ... make fire ... set up camp. John ... made me do that ... first three months on Atlantis. The other women were ... better but I didn't ... disgrace myself."

"How did they judge how strong your children would be?" Evan asked curiously. "It's not like they'd be able to tell who'd be genetically compatible."

"Panel of male judges," I said briskly. "No ... specifics. Just think ... Miss Universe ... be close enough."

"Did you win that one?" Rodney looked at me expectantly.

"They were ... really attractive ... and _young_," I explained reluctantly. "Lucky they took ... John into account ... height and ... physical strength made me the best ... match."

"So you needed to win the emotion challenge to win the whole thing?" Evan asked.

"Something ... like that," I confirmed. "Each challenger had to ... decide how they'd ask for John ... to join with them. Went to island ... recite to John ... in front of ... everyone."

"You had to propose to John in front of a bunch of strangers?" Evan looked at me in surprise, for the first time sympathetic instead of amused by my story.

"I suppose ... I did," I agreed with a raised brow. "Didn't see it that way ... but I did treat it ... seriously. Made it sincere. Maybe they couldn't have enforced ... a match for John without his cooperation but ... there might have been ... some penalty for not ... abiding by the result. Couldn't risk them ... hurting John because I ... didn't take it seriously. Didn't find out until after ... John was only judge. Could have said anything ... and still come out ahead."

"So you won and they let you leave," Rodney summarised thoughtfully. "This all happened after your birthday right?"

"Wondered how ... long it'd take you to ... make the connection," I replied in confirmation. "John ... laughed his arse off ... when he found out ... about the vinculum."

"Am I missing part of the story here?" Evan looked from Rodney to me and then back again.

"Didn't Sabina tell you she and Sheppard have been married for over a year according to Ancient custom?" Rodney asked slyly.

"No she didn't," Evan looked at me reproachfully.

"That necklace Sheppard gave her was like signing a marriage license for the Ancients," Rodney explained. "If they'd known that before their little trip to the tropical paradise they wouldn't have had to do the challenge at all."

"Not gonna feel ... guilty over a ... 10,000 year old ... obsolete custom," I retorted at Evan's faintly disgruntled expression, wincing when even that tiny hint of heated emotion send pain lancing through me. "God ... how much ... longer?"

"Still at least an hour," Rodney admitted after consulting his watch.

"Morphine," Evan announced, approaching me with the syringe ready to go. "And this time I'm not taking no for an answer."

"That stuff always ... makes me ... loopy," I complained childishly, glaring at him as the sting of the injection registered.

"I'd rather that than having to put up with your pale martyr act," Evan rebuked.

"Because whether ... I take pain relief ... or not ... is all about ... you," I retorted, my voice still choppy and breathless. The effect of the morphine was immediate ... adding more distortion to my already wobbly view of the world. "Not sure how much ... longer can stay ... awake," I added apologetically.

"Just stick with us Sabina," Evan's voice had that order tone that usually had me obeying before I'd fully registered any associated thoughts.

"You gotta stay awake," Rodney urged. "Just think how much more peeved Sheppard's gonna be if he gets here and finds you sleeping."

"Trying," I got out, trying not to get upset at the mention of John's name because he wasn't there and wouldn't be for a while yet.

"Tell me how you're feeling now," Evan said seriously. "Give me the highlights."

"Still ... dizzy," I began my list of current ails. "Sick. Short ... breath. Thirsty."

"Is that bad?" Rodney asked when Evan sat back with a frown.

"It's not good," Evan admitted. "I can't say for sure but shock would account for most of those symptoms."

"Which means we need to get her back to Atlantis urgently," Rodney summarised. "So – no different than five minutes ago."

"I might ... be ... dizzy, but I ... can still ... hear," I reminded them. "Your turn ... talk ... distract me."

"You've spent a lot of time in the Ancient library lately," Rodney tried a new topic. "Find anything interesting"

"Mostly ... history," I admitted. "Did find a cool ... room the ... other ... day."

"What makes it cool?" Evan asked curiously.

"Have to tell ... John first," I smiled weakly when Rodney groaned impatiently. "It's not ... weapon ... or puzzle ... like in the past."

"You don't always have to tell your husband everything before you tell the rest of us you know," Rodney pointed out sarcastically.

"Don't care ... if _you're_ ... grumpy," I forced out, blinking rapidly as everything started to feel like it was slipping away from me. Suddenly I felt cold ... right down to the core ... enough that I began shivering violently. The involuntary movement jostled my wounds ... I couldn't help but moan with a pain that even Evan's prior dose of morphine couldn't dull.

"Sabina?" Evan picked up on my changed status immediately, putting his fingers to my wrist quickly to take my pulse.

"John? Is ... he here?" I was struggling now ... to keep myself conscious, not to give into the confusion and fear sweeping over me.

"Her blood pressures dropping," Evan told Rodney. "We need to –" he paused, holding up a hand as his radio sprang to life.

"Sir, we have an incoming wormhole," Parker reported.

"Atlantis?" Rodney looked at his watch with a frown. "It's too early."

"Wraith!" Parker's urgent voice issued the warning, his tone a harsh whisper in the quiet of the cave.

"Could this day get any worse?" Rodney complained while manfully raising his weapon to ready position.

"How many?" Lorne demanded over the radio.

"Just one dart," Parker replied. Funny how we'd gone from one Wraith being almost too much to handle to thinking a Dart wasn't anything to really worry about.

"Did they see you?" Evan moved to the cave opening, P90 trained down the path leading in.

"I don't think so," Parker returned. "I'm hiding in the trees a few metres south of the gate. I'm sorry Sir, they're headed in your direction."

"The Replicators must have had some kind of subspace signal attached to the shield," Rodney spoke in sick horror, his eyes trained on me. "The Wraith picked it up and now they know someone's here ... someone capable of activating the device."

"Which means they won't be going anywhere anytime soon," Evan concluded.

"This is bad," Rodney panicked, his movements jittery as he paced in the tight space. "This is really, really bad. That booby trap on the shield affected its operation – it's not working. The Wraith are free to pretty much go where they want!"

"Contact with Atlantis is still more than half an hour away," Evan pointed out, "plus we have no way to warn them before they send someone through."

"What if they find the cave?" Rodney looked worried. "We can't move Sabina ... we're sitting ducks."

"Need to ... leave ... me," I urged, my voice almost too weak for them to hear. "Now ... so can ... flank them. Only one ... Dart."

"If you're suggesting we abandon you here as bait so we can attack them from behind you're even more nuts than Sheppard!" Rodney retorted grimly. "You'd have no way to defend yourself if they get past us!"

"Rodney's right," Evan said firmly. "We need to think of another way to disable that Dart. And we need to do it fast."

"That's it!," Rodney might as well have had a light bulb over his head, the fact he had an idea was so obvious. "We need to _capture_ that Dart."

"Ah ... why?" Evan frowned in confusion.

"Because it can save Sabina," Rodney said impatiently.

"Can't ... fly ... it," I pointed out weakly.

"I know we can't," Rodney retorted. "But we don't need to. All we need to do is get them to scoop you up _before_ we take them down. Of course we're gonna have to be careful how we do that last part so we don't damage their beaming systems."

"Cle ... ver," I complimented as understanding of his plan dawned on me.

"You think storing Sabina in their materialiser will give us the time we need to wait for contact with Atlantis," Evan concluded incredulously.

"It's worth a shot," Rodney confirmed. "And it has the added benefit of taking care of the Wraith too."

"We have no idea what that will do to her!" Evan bit out grimly. "She's not exactly at full strength McKay."

"And the longer we wait the worse she'd gonna get," Rodney retorted. "We both know she may not have time to wait for Atlantis to get here!"

"That's not a definite," Evan countered. "But we do know getting rematerialised takes a lot out of a person. You _know_ that from personal experience. How the hell will we explain to Colonel Sheppard the risks we took if this goes badly?"

"He'd tell us to save her no matter what," Rodney said firmly.

"Guys," I called out with a groan. When they both looked at me as though they'd forgotten I was even there I had the insane urge to laugh. "Do ... it."

"You're agreeing to being dematerialised?" Evan asked in surprise.

"Good ... plan," I told him firmly. "Not ... gonna make ... it ... other ... wise."

"Don't do that!" Evan ordered. "You _don't_ get to talk like that."

"Sorry. Rod ... ney," I called out. "Tell ... John ... no re ... grets."

"You can tell him yourself when this works," Rodney said confidently. When I looked at him pleadingly he capitulated, rolling his eyes impatiently. "_Fine_ ... on the very slight chance that this _doesn't_ work, which is extremely remote because it will, I'll pass on your message. Okay?"

"Thank ... you," I relaxed back gratefully. "Go ... now."

"First we have to get you out into the open," Rodney looked to Evan for his agreement, even though I'd already said I wanted them to proceed.

"One of us will have to stay with her," Evan pointed out. "They won't scoop someone up if they're lying on the ground obviously injured."

"You're right," Rodney frowned, thinking out the logistics of his plan.

"It'll have to be me," Evan added. "We need you to get us out of the materialiser once Atlantis gets here."

"Then who takes out the Dart?" Rodney looked at Evan with dawning horror. "No, no, no. You do _not_ want to put something that crucial down to my aim!"

"You can do this McKay," Evan stated confidently. "You know exactly where to target and if you do it the second after they've scooped us up they'll still be close to the ground. Should minimise damage to the Dart when it crashes. The Wraith will be disorientated – you just need to get in there quick and make sure he stays down."

"You're right, this really is a bad plan," Rodney complained weakly, letting himself be dragged along in the wake of Evan's push for action.

Quickly grabbing an end of my stretcher each they walked out of the cave and into the open. We moved a short distance before I was once again down on the ground.

"There," Evan pointed to an outcrop of rocks that would keep Rodney close enough but provide cover from the Dart spotting him. "Now remember ... this is just like target practise and you've done plenty of that. Keep it steady and controlled and you'll do fine."

"Be ... lieve ... in ... you," I added my vote of confidence.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Rodney muttered miserably, running for his position with P90 poised and hunkering down quickly.

Evan squatted beside me with a hesitant expression. "You realise you're gonna have to be standing for this one?" he asked in concern.

"Is ... o ... kay," I got out, trying with the expression in my eyes to tell him I was fine with the course of events.

"Right," Evan looked at me resolutely for a second before carefully shifting an arm under my shoulders. I think we both groaned as he pulled me upright and from there quickly to my feet.

There was a buzzing in my ears and dark spots in my vision but I _was_ standing ... just barely and with most of my weight being held up by Evan.

"Okay?" he asked softly.

"Not ... real ... ly," I admitted painfully. "Hope ... they do ... this ... quick."

"Me too," Evan muttered under his breath.

I don't know how long I could have stood there waiting for action but luckily I didn't have to find out. The unmistakable sound of a Wraith Dart whining towards us came less than a minute later. I had just enough time to ponder the bizarre nature of the world that I'd seek out something that usually spelled disaster before the beam passed over us.

**Author's Note:**

Apologies for the cliff hangers guys ... kinda ... well, not really LOL. The story wanted to be this way - honest! I'll try to post the next chapter tomorrow if I can.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story - John's POV: Chapter 10_


	49. Interlude 10: The Wraith captured her?

****

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude **10: You let the Wraith capture her?

When Major Lorne didn't dial in at the expected time for a routine mission to M7G-677 I couldn't help but think 'here we go again'. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination but it seemed that lately Sabina was the one getting into trouble while I was left to react.

"Dial it up," I ordered ten minutes after they'd missed their check in.

"Yes Sir," Chuck punched the symbols quickly but still the time it took to establish a stable wormhole seemed to drag out more than usual.

"Major Lorne this is Colonel Sheppard. Do you read?"

"Oh thank God!" Rodney's vehement relief echoed through the Control Room.

"What's your situation McKay?" I asked quickly.

"About as bad as it can get," Rodney retorted. "The DHD is destroyed beyond fixing so we can't dial out and the Wraith decided to pay us a visit." While we were all trying to absorb that Rodney continued. "That's not the worst of it John."

The fact that he'd called me by my first name reverberated through me ominously.

Something had happened to Sabina.

I didn't hesitate, moving into emergency mode with too much familiarity before Rodney had even given the details.

"We'll be right there," I promised, turning towards the stairs down to the Gateroom. "Organise a medical team," I told Chuck. The temptation was there to question Rodney because the connection was still open but getting to them had to be my first priority and I focussed everything on that.

"Colonel?" Sam appeared from her office before I'd taken more than a couple of steps.

"Lorne's team ran into trouble," I reported rapidly. "I need to ..." I waved a hand towards the Stargate.

"Of course, go," Sam urged. Tapping her earpiece she checked in with the infirmary. "Doctor Keller, how long until your team is ready?"

"We'll be there in a minute," Jennifer's voice wobbled like she was short of breath. When she ran into the Gateroom less than a minute later the reason became obvious. She'd decided to take this one herself. "Doctor McKay, what are we looking at regarding specialised equipment?"

"Ah ...," Rodney's voice shook slightly, "I don't know ... Sabina has puncture wounds and ... and ... there's a slight chance you might need to resuscitate although hopefully it won't come to that."

Puncture wounds ... that sounded bad, as did the resuscitation comment but not as bad as I'd feared. Although the nervousness in Rodney's voice made it clear he wasn't telling us everything.

"Understood," Jennifer tapped her earpiece and ordered someone to bring down a crash cart too.

They'd still need a couple of minutes to get organised so I stepped through the gate instead of waiting for Keller and her team. Lieutenant Parker was standing guard on the other side when I arrived.

"Status?" I asked quickly.

"Doctor McKay is located about ten minutes walk that way," Parker pointed to a path that led up towards the hills.

"Where's Major Lorne?" I frowned in surprise.

"Ah ... I think Doctor McKay should explain Sir," Parker replied evasively.

"Point Doctor Keller in the right direction when she gets here," I ordered. "McKay?" I radioed impatiently, already walking in the direction Parker had indicated.

"You're here," Rodney stated the obvious, _never_ a good sign.

"Yeah, and I'm heading to your position now," I replied. "What's going on? Where's Major Lorne?"

"He's ah ... indisposed at the moment," Rodney reported evasively.

"And Sabina?" I'd avoided asking until then, pretty sure I wasn't gonna like the answer.

"It wasn't my fault," Rodney stated up front, launching into an explanation before I could comment on that. "The Replicators booby trapped the shield device with explosive metal spikes. I'm sorry John ... Sabina took one in the shoulder and another in the chest. She'd already lost a lot of blood when the Wraith showed up ... I had to do something so I ah ... _we_ decided to let the Wraith scoop her and Lorne up in the materialiser."

"_You let the Wraith capture her?_" I grated out grimly, picking up the pace so I was practically sprinting up the path.

"We couldn't wait!" Rodney protested. "She was ... it was bad and I couldn't think of anything else! Major Lorne picked a spot where I could take cover and shoot down the Dart before it could get away. He had to stay with her so they'd be an attractive target for the Wraith."

"And did you?" I asked impatiently.

"Did I what?" Rodney asked in confusion.

"Did you shoot down the Dart McKay?" I spoke each word with slow precision, like I was talking to a less than intelligent child, which given the stupidity of Rodney's latest plan wasn't that far from the truth.

"Of course," Rodney retorted. "I'm with the crashed Dart now ... the materialiser is showing two life signs all in good order."

"I'll be there in a minute," I replied. "Keller should be a few minutes behind me."

It actually took less than a minute to get to the clearing ... the sight that greeted me had my insides clenching with dread. The Dart looked surprisingly good for a crashed ship, its hull mostly undamaged apart from the scrapes gouged out of the bottom and up the sides ... and the layer of dirt and grass covering the front of it. Rodney was bent over the back where he'd ripped off the covering to get to the guts. Lieutenant Brown stood guard close by, his face carefully blank as he watched my approach.

"McKay," I stopped abruptly a few steps away, not sure what I could do. It wasn't like the situation I'd found Sabina in this time was something I could fix in the usual manner – couldn't shoot at it, outwit it, or just generally smart arse my way out of it. And that wasn't even the worst of it. No, that would be the fact that I couldn't talk to Sabina, couldn't find out how she was really doing, couldn't get her input on how she wanted to fix this.

For the first time that I could recall her fate was entirely in my hands ... the tough, life threatening decisions, if there were any, would be mine to make. Don't get me wrong, I was fine with that and I knew Sabina trusted me implicitly to have her best interests at heart as well as to not let them do anything she was opposed to. I _was_ fine with it ... I just preferred having Sabina's input and for the first time I truly appreciated how much I _liked_ it that way.

"John," Rodney looked beyond relieved to see me ... clearly being the one to make decisions about Sabina's fate was something he couldn't wait to hand over to me.

"You've really outdone yourself this time haven't you," I looked at him grimly before turning my eyes back to the crashed Dart. "What the hell were you _thinking_ using the Wraith like this? Just when I think I can trust you to live up to that genius tag you're so fond of reminding me about you do something so stupid I wonder how you have brains enough to walk and talk at the same time." Rodney opened his mouth as if to defend himself but I was on a roll so I just kept talking. "Did it occur to you that you might not have been able to shoot this thing down? What were you going to do then, huh?! And why the hell did Lorne agree to go along with this? I might have to rethink the whole second in command thing if this is a sample of his intelligence under pressure. What if ...,"

My tirade was interrupted by the sounds of rustling in the trees followed quickly by the arrival of Doctor Keller with Lieutenant Parker in tow carrying her supplies. Another nurse from the infirmary brought up the rear. The expressions on their faces made it obvious they'd heard at least part of my shouting one sided rant at Rodney.

"Colonel, Doctor McKay," Jennifer greeted us with her usual professional tone, looking around the clearing curiously. "Where's my patient?"

"In there," Rodney pointed reluctantly to the Dart.

"You dematerialised Sabina when she was injured?" Jennifer looked at Rodney in horror. "What were you thinking? You know how that can affect even a healthy person!"

"I already had that conversation Doc," I told her, just in case she hadn't heard the whole thing on her way up the path.

"_I had no choice_," Rodney stood up, crossing his arms resolutely as he prepared to defend his actions. "Sabina was badly injured ... we agreed the Dart was the only choice or ... she wasn't gonna make it long enough to wait for Atlantis to contact us." Rodney looked at me pleadingly as he added "she agreed to this John ... in fact she insisted. If I hadn't come up with this plan she was determined to use herself as bait to lure the Wraith to the surface so Lorne and I could flank him."

"Was she?" I shook my head grimly, not really surprised Sabina would act that way.

"Before we can rematerialise them I need more information about Sabina's injuries," Jennifer insisted. "You mentioned a puncture wound?"

"Ah, two actually," Rodney admitted. "She took a metal spike to the shoulder about here, and another to the chest here," he gestured to the corresponding locations on himself as he explained. "Lorne packed the wounds but she was still losing blood ... plus she was having trouble breathing deeply and she was making a kind of gurgling sound so she might have some sort of lung damage too."

Oh God. That sounded bad ... _really_ bad. Everything felt kind of frozen as I silently stood there listening to Rodney's responses.

"Did Lorne check for signs of shock?" Jennifer queried.

"Yeah," Rodney nodded. "She was fine to start with but just before the Wraith showed up he thought she might be showing signs – she said she was feeling dizzy and sick and ah ... thirsty, she said she was thirsty."

"Hypovolemic shock," Jennifer commented. "Not unexpected given the obvious level of blood loss. How did she seem just before you materialised her? Was she lucid, aware of what was going on around her?"

"Surprisingly yes," Rodney replied, "but she was drifting a bit at the end there. She was in a lot of pain too ... Lorne gave her morphine but it didn't seem to be doing much for her."

"Sabina let Evan give her pain medication?" I heard my own voice speaking but everything felt like it was coming from a great distance, background sounds drowned out by the sudden thumping of my own heart in my ears. I didn't make an active choice to sit down ... I _had_ to because my muscles felt weakened by the anxiety clawing its way over my entire body. Leaning back against the nearest tree I concentrated solely on controlling the panic.

"Colonel?" Jennifer knelt down beside me in concern.

"She hates pain medication," I commented in a low tone, looking up at Jennifer in time to see the understanding dawning in her eyes. If Sabina had willingly taken morphine then it was a given that she was in bad shape ... really, really bad shape.

"We'll fix this," Jennifer said reassuringly. "For now she and Major Lorne are both fine and the good news is that her condition can't deteriorate while she's in the materialiser. We have time to work out the best approach and prepare to treat her the instant she's out of there."

I nodded wordlessly, rubbing hands over my face to shake myself out of it before getting back to my feet. Glancing at the others I grimaced to find myself the focus of all their attention.

"I'm really sorry John," Rodney said miserably. "I should have worked out sooner that the Replicators messed with the shield device."

"You couldn't have known," I acknowledged, everything in my tone letting him know I'd gotten over my earlier anger at his actions. From what I'd just heard he'd saved Sabina's life ... well, given Jennifer the opportunity to save it anyway. That was a battle we still had before us ... don't go there John!

"How do we get them out of there Rodney?" I asked instead.

"I've accessed the subroutine to rematerialise them," Rodney was all purpose now I'd let him off the hook, so to speak. "All I have to do is activate it as soon as Jennifer's got everything set up."

"No," Jennifer held up a hand sternly. "Sabina's condition is likely to be too unstable for me to be able to treat her effectively out here. We need to do it back on Atlantis."

"The Dart won't exactly fit through the Gate you know," Rodney pointed out sarcastically.

"Then you'll have to use that renowned genius to make the parts of it we need fit," Jennifer said firmly.

"Oh easy for you to say!" Rodney retorted incredulously. "Do you have any idea of the level of effort required to dismantle a Dart and then put it back together? Don't even answer that because you couldn't possibly or you wouldn't be asking me to do it so cavalierly!"

"We need to give Sabina the best chance possible which means being back in the infirmary," Jennifer said softly, looking across at me before pinning Rodney with her pleading gaze. "You can do this Rodney."

"I can," Rodney agreed abruptly. "But if I'm gonna do it quickly I need help."

oOo

A tense five hours later we were finally back on Atlantis, the bits of the Dart needed to operate the rematerialiser all put back together like some bizarre jigsaw puzzle. Rodney and Radek had commandeered a small team of workers on M7G-677 ... the buzz of activity around them like some choreographed geek dance. Ronon had come through with Rodney's requested equipment to provide guard duty ... I suspect moral support for me was his major motive, not that he would admit it. I'd spent the whole time pacing around impatiently, trying not to think of all the things I couldn't help but think about. It was like when someone tells you not to look down – of course you're going to just as soon as the words get spoken!

It was hell ... my own private, personal hell.

The only thing that had changed back on Atlantis was the location of my pacing. I knew Sabina could survive indefinitely inside the materialiser so we weren't in a rush to get her and Lorne out. But for myself the slow pace and all the talking about every endless scenario was driving me insane, to the point I had to take a breather or risk hitting something ... or someone.

"Where're you headed?" Ronon fell into step beside me as I strode quickly from the room.

"Nowhere ... anywhere," I returned impatiently, taking random turns and corridors until I felt sufficiently removed from the general population to relax a little. Spying a small balcony just ahead I headed towards it, leaning out against the railing and taking deep, even breaths as soon as I was outside.

"You okay?" Ronon asked from beside me.

"No," I returned shortly. "Rodney must have been desperate to come up with such a crazy solution ... you know he only gets that way when he thinks he's about to die ... or someone else is."

"Keller will fix her," Ronon said with confidence.

"If she survives the rematerialising," I pointed out. God, what was I doing being so pessimistic? The look I was getting from Ronon made it clear he was thinking the same thing. "You're right," I nodded even though Ronon hadn't actually said anything verbally. "Rodney will get Sabina out of the materialiser and then Jennifer will patch her up. It's all the waiting – it's driving me nuts."

"Now you know how Sabina's felt every time it was you lying in the infirmary too out of it to reassure her," Ronon replied.

"That's it," I admitted. "I never realised before today how much I've relied on her always being there to talk to me. Not that she hasn't been unconscious before but not like this, not for so long when I wasn't sure she'd be okay."

"She will be okay John," Ronon reiterated firmly.

"She better be," I didn't need to tell him how I'd be if she wasn't.

Turning back to the ocean we settled into a companionable silence ... that was the good thing about Ronon – he never felt the need to fill up the silences with meaningless chatter.

"Colonel Sheppard," I straightened abruptly when Jennifer's voice issued over the radio.

"Go ahead."

"Rodney says we're as ready as we're gonna be," Jennifer reported. "I assume you want to be here?"

"I'll be right there," I looked over at Ronon after signing off. "You coming too?"

Nodding, Ronon fell into step beside me again, letting me maintain the silence which was a good thing since I had no idea what I'd say should he ask me how I was feeling.

Relieved.

Hopeful.

Nervous.

If I was honest I'd have to add reluctant to that list too ... while she was inside the materialiser Sabina was okay. Outside of it there was no going back should anything go wrong ... part of me wanted to delay the conclusion even though I knew more time wouldn't change it.

Jennifer greeted me with a nod when Ronon and I returned.

"Okay Rodney," she motioned for him to activate the rematerialiser. A clear space had been set up surrounded by medical personnel and equipment. Choosing a spot close by but not in the way I crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

Rodney typed in his commands and the familiar beam shot out of the Wraith device, sweeping from ceiling to floor. It dissipated, depositing its contents in the room. Major Lorne, arm around Sabina who was leaning on him in such a way that I knew she hadn't been able to stand without his aide. Everything was frozen for a second and then Major Lorne reacted, looking around quickly and visibly relaxing when he realised he was back on Atlantis surrounded by every medical advantage needed.

"Sir," he greeted me even as he helped a medic get Sabina on the waiting gurney.

"Major," I replied distractedly, moving closer so I could see Sabina.

When I did all I could think was 'oh God'.

She was too pale and too still ... I think I was actually shaking as I watched Jennifer's controlled movements, praying like hell that Sabina was alive because she sure as hell didn't look it. My eyes were drawn to her wounds, two vicious looking metal spikes sticking out of shoulder and chest, surrounded by so much blood soaked fabric I wondered how she could have still been conscious when the Dart scooped them up.

"She's pale and cold," Jennifer commented as she began assessing Sabina's condition. She attached the blood pressure band and quickly got a reading. "Blood pressure is low too. She's probably already suffering the mid stages of hypovolemic shock. Bronwyn – blood transfusion. She's O neg so we don't need to match after we've used the emergency supplies. Let's start replacing some of what she's lost. Lucy, get her on a 7 percent hypertonic saline drip solution. Once you've got that set up administer alginate and Hextend. If we can increase her arteriole blood flow we should be able to maximise the efficiency of the drip and the transfusion."

Both nurses moved into action, swiftly carrying out Jennifer's orders. I watched, helpless to do anything but hover, probably looking stern and unforgiving rather than what I was feeling – panicked and frankly scared because this was all a lot more serious and confronting than anything I'd experienced before.

Jennifer hooked up a heart monitor next and the sound of Sabina's heartbeat filled the room. I couldn't help the relieved smile that appeared on my face, even though it was much more rapid than I'd been expecting given the circumstances.

"I need to check her wounds," Jennifer carefully lifting the packing from around Sabina's chest wound first. Sabina moaned softly, a pained frown appearing briefly. I leant forward, hoping to see her awake but she remained unconscious.

"She's still bleeding here - we need to establish haemostasis stat," Jennifer turned to one of the nurses. "Bronwyn, start her on r seven."

Things progressed at the same frenetic pace for a few minutes without any visible effect. And then the heart monitor broadcast the change in Sabina's condition, shifting from its worryingly fast rhythm into one long and ominous beep.

"Sabina!" I moved forward instinctively, putting a hand over hers and frantically searching for some sign that she was still there.

"Colonel, move!" Jennifer ordered, pushing me aside so she could begin CPR. One of the nurses shifted the crash cart into position and quickly started it charging for operation while another removed Sabina's oxygen mask and began forcing air into her lungs with the oxygen bag.

"Clear," Jennifer ordered when the machine was ready, placing the paddles on Sabina's chest herself.

Was this how Sabina had felt when she'd watched them shock me with a defibrillator? The sight of her body arching painfully before slumping back to the bed was sickening.

It was worth it though, that one shock enough to get her heart back into action, this time with a rhythm that sounded a little closer to normal.

"She's back," Jennifer removed the paddles and used the stethoscope to listen to Sabina's heart.

"Doc?" My voice croaked as I asked for some kind of update.

"She's holding her own John," Jennifer replied, fitting the oxygen mask back over Sabina's face, "but she's lost a lot of blood. We need to get her to the infirmary asap for another transfusion and then we can get her under the scanner - assess how much damage those spikes have done. Once we start fixing things she'll be able to make use of all the fluids we're pumping into her. I'll let you know as soon as we know more."

Everything was a swirl of activity as Jennifer and part of her team wheeled Sabina away, followed by the rest of them carrying all the medical paraphernalia. The science team followed suit, leaving only Ronon, Rodney and Major Lorne behind.

Staring stupidly at the spot where they'd been I jumped when Rodney put a hesitant hand on my shoulder.

"She'll be all right," he said softly. Major Lorne moved to stand next to Rodney, adding his own nod of agreement.

"I'm really sorry Sir," Lorne began before I cut him off.

"Rodney told me the details Major," I said. "There wasn't anything you could have done to prevent this and it sounds like using the Wraith gave us the time we need to save Sabina."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne replied, his whole demeanour still broadcasting how tense and worried he was. Not just because he'd always take responsibility for any person under his command getting hurt, but also because he and Sabina had forged a strong friendship in the years since she'd joined his team.

"I need to ...," I gestured to the doorway and the direction the medical team had gone. I knew I wouldn't be able to see her, probably not for hours, but I couldn't be anywhere else.

"I'll go with you," Ronon had been silent during the whole thing. Now he moved to stand beside me again, as ever the solid support that never demanded any kind of response in return.

"We'll all go," Rodney announced, motioning for me to get moving.

**Authors Note:**

I'm not a doctor so apologies if my emergency care dialogue and treatment is off. I did research it all of course - my information on treating for blood loss came from an article titled "Treatment For Severe Blood Loss: Less Is More" released in ScienceDaily (May 13, 2008) on www dot sciencedaily dot com. r seven (rVIIa) refers to Recombinant factor VIIa, a universal agent to reverse or prevent haemostatic failure – from the Critical Care forum on ccforum dot com. Some of the things I used aren't approved/standard treatments but I liked the sound of them and decided on Atlantis they'd have up to the minute information on the best methods. Other haemostasis information and details on medical shock came from Wikipedia. Re the O neg comment and emergency supplies, in Australia anyway all ambulances only carry O neg blood because it takes too long to type match and O neg is the universal doner so every person can be transfused with minimal risk. I know this because I'm O neg and was told when I went to donate blood. The only thing I couldn't really confirm was whether they'd use the defibrillator in this type of situation - so apologies if that's off.

Oh and just an aside to anyone who remembers season five (don't read this if you haven't seen season 5) - I wrote this and did all the research before Identity - so imagine my amusement when Radek suffered pretty much exactly the same situation I'd put Sabina into. I didn't look at that scene too closely as there was no way I was changing this after I'd worked so hard researching and writing it.

Also apologies to my loyal reviewers for no replies tonight - I'll get to them but thought you'd prefer a chapter instead.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 40_


	50. I really didn’t know what hit me

**Chapter 40: ****I really didn't know what hit me**

The only good thing about spending the rest of that mission in a Wraith materialiser was that I didn't have to be there when John walked through the Gate.

Atlantis dialled in on schedule, by which time Rodney had successfully shot down the Dart, killed the Wraith and then hooked up his laptop to confirm that the two life signs stored inside the buffer where both undamaged. I heard from Lieutenant Parker later that he was there at the Gate when John came through with Doctor Keller a few minutes behind. Rodney had only given them the bare bones of what had happened when they'd dialled in so John hadn't known about the Wraith Dart plan until he was halfway up the hill towards us. The way my teammate told it he could hear John yelling at Rodney from halfway up the hill for thinking up such an asinine plan, following that up with less than complimentary suggestions about the inadequacies of both Rodney's and Evan's mental capacity.

Parker said Doctor Keller had interrupted John's tirade when they'd all arrived in the clearing. When she'd questioned Rodney on the specifics of my condition, what he'd conveyed had been enough to apparently send all the blood rushing out of John's face to the point he'd actually had to sit on the ground before he fell down.

Doctor Keller had been worried enough about my status and the unknown effect the materialiser might have had that she'd insisted the Dart had to be brought back to Atlantis before they could risk rematerialising us.

Of course I knew none of that until much later, my first recallable aware moments taking place in the familiar atmosphere of the infirmary.

"John?" I forced my eyelids open the moment awareness returned, knowing that he was nearby.

"Hey," John tried to smile but couldn't pull it off, raw emotions shimmering too close to the surface.

"It worked!" I acknowledged, squeezing the hand John had clasped around mine weakly. "I'm back."

"You are," John said seriously. "But it was touch and go. I thought for a while that ...," he broke off, swallowing hard as he let me read the rest in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said miserably, tears suddenly welling up as I realised just how bad it had been from his side.

"It was nothing you did," John told me simply. "Just another one of those 'wrong place at the wrong time' moments."

"I really have to stop doing that," I quipped with a watery smile.

"It would certainly make my life easier," John agreed more easily. I could already see something inside him relaxing as we spoke ... those first moments of waking when you finally believed the person you loved really was all right pushing everything back into the normal more rapidly than you would have thought possible beforehand.

"Is Evan all right?" I asked. "And the others? Rodney, Parker, Brown. Did they all make it okay?"

"Rodney proved all the hours I've put into improving his aim weren't wasted," John explained. "He got the Dart in the first pass _and_ took out its Wraith pilot. All the rest of us had to do was work out how to get it through the Gate without risking the materialiser power supply. Radek brought a whole team of geeks through to help with that."

"I guess Rodney's previous experience with Laura would have finally come in handy for something," I smiled ruefully.

"I did hear comments to that effect," John agreed, reaching out and smoothing a strand of hair beside my face as he waited for my next question.

"How long?" I asked, knowing it was pointless avoiding the information.

"You don't remember it but you _have_ been awake here and there," John commented. "It's been three days since we got you out of the Dart," he added grimly. "Three long, confusing days, most of it where I didn't know if you would come out of this in one piece or not. It was bad Sabina. Keller said one of the spikes affected your lungs and that you were lucky to even be breathing so many hours after the fact. She had to operate to fix your shoulder too – there was damage to the tendon you only made worse when you stood up."

"Oh," I looked up at him mutely, not sure how I felt about so many things taking place without my awareness. "But I am gonna fully recover right?" I finally asked uncertainly.

"Yeah but it won't be next week," John replied, concern etched on his face. "You're gonna be out of commission for at least a month and you'll have to do some rehabilitation for your shoulder. But you'll be back to normal before you know it ... something that looked less than likely when they first brought you out of that Dart."

"I'm sorry," I said again, my mood dropping into the despondent when I realised I wasn't getting out of this one as easily as in the past. "It all just happened so fast ... I really didn't know what hit me."

"Rodney went back," John revealed. "Fixed the shield so at least they're protected while we keep a look out for a new DHD. He told me what you thought ... that the Replicators were after him specifically."

"It was the only thing that made any sense," I explained. "Of course they would have known what we were doing. They had no idea how we were tracking their ships but they know how brilliant Rodney is with their code. They would have just assumed if they got rid of him we wouldn't be able to track them anymore."

"It does make sense," John agreed.

"You didn't get mad at him did you?" I asked with a stern look.

"Of course I did," John shrugged at the open admission. "But I apologised later and he said he was kinda glad I went off at him ... meant he could stop feeling guilty for letting you get hurt."

"He didn't _let_ me get hurt," I protested, wincing at the pain in my chest reminding me I wasn't actually recovered even though I felt surprising alert.

"Well, for whatever reason you're looking at another week in the infirmary," John held up a hand when I made to complain. "No I'm not going to talk Jennifer out of that. You've only just woken up properly and you're still weak. You'll stay until she says you can come home. Sam won't be clearing you for active duty either until Keller says you're up to it."

"I never understood the attitude you're giving out," I took the opportunity to get my own view in. "After all, I'm the one hurt and in pain here. You should be nice to me and give me whatever I need to feel better."

"Nice try," John said with a genuine laugh. "You'll stay here like a good girl and I don't want to hear another word about it. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have plenty of visitors to help with the boredom."

"Now I know I really _am_ out of the woods," I quipped, "otherwise you'd be much more sympathetic."

"Like you always are when I'm injured and stuck in here," John pointed out. "Payback is a bitch, isn't it?"

"Well after this performance I'm gonna be even less inclined to smuggle stuff in for you in the future," I told him glibly.

"Whatever makes you happy dear," John quipped in return. I had to laugh, just as he'd intended with his smarmy endearment.

"God, don't make me laugh," I put a hand to my chest in protest. "That actually does still hurt."

"I nearly lost you," John was suddenly all seriousness again, his teasing of the last few minutes gone as if it had never happened.

"I know," I agreed easily, "but you didn't and in the end that's really all that counts."

Wordlessly John nodded once before leaning in and carefully resting his cheek against mine. I felt the faint brush of his lips at my temple before he abruptly stood up. "I need some air," he announced in a strangled voice that didn't sound like his own.

"John?" I frowned as he turned his back to me.

"I'll be back," John promised, rapidly striding from the room without a backward glance.

"Give him time," Jennifer approached silently, her words indicating she'd witnessed at least some of my talk with John.

"What?" I asked in confusion, still looking to where John had gone.

"It's been a difficult few days," Jennifer explained, her words drawing my attention back to her. "Your condition was critical when we brought you in ... John hardly slept the first 48 hours and even after we had everything under control he didn't relax. He just needs some time to get his equilibrium back."

"Oh," I raised an eyebrow at the explanation. Should I be concerned that John was suffering but clearly didn't think I could help?

"He'll be fine," Jennifer promised, "and back in here giving you grief before you're ready. You'll be fine too ... with time and effort."

"Thanks Jennifer," I said gratefully.

"You're welcome," Jennifer smiled gently before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I'd only been awake a short time but already the brief conversations had used up my energy. Against my will I felt my eyes closing and sleep overtake me.

oOo

"I have to go on a mission," John was back at the infirmary an hour later, nothing apparent to indicate he was anything other than his usual self. I must have been drifting on the edges of waking because I snapped to alertness as soon as he walked in.

"Okay," I looked at him closely before continuing. "You okay?"

"Better than," John said sincerely, "now I know you'll be fully recovered soon. Look, I'm sorry about before ... it was just ... I'm just really, _really _glad you're okay."

"I understand," I conceded, shifting carefully so I could raise the bed up a little. "The relief can be overwhelming sometimes ... believe me _I_ know! So, what's the mission?"

"We've been keeping an eye on a Wraith hive ship for the past day," John revealed. "The sub-space tracking device our Wraith friend used has been broadcasting from the same position in the middle of an empty region of space. Could be a distress call or something else. In any case it's an hour away from the nearest Stargate by Jumper so we're gonna go check it out."

"It could be some kind of trap too," I pointed out.

"Yeah I know," John agreed. "That's why I'm taking Lorne and the rest of your team with me."

"This is an odd kind of coincidence," I raised an eyebrow as the thought occurred to me. "You've got Teyla temporarily grounded from your team and now I'm grounded from Evan's."

"Yeah, well the reason for yours is obvious but I'm fully expecting a few choice words from Teyla when she hears we're heading off without her," John admitted.

"You haven't spoken to her yet?" I asked in surprise.

"I've been kind of busy," John said defensively. "She understands that. They've all been here you know, sitting with you – keeping me company."

"Oh," I hadn't thought about that, only having been awake for the two brief conversations with John so far ... that I remembered anyway.

"Lorne said he'd stop by before we head out," John offered. "Rodney would be here already if he wasn't keeping an eye on the Hive ship to make sure it doesn't move before we can get there."

"Well since I've only been awake a few minutes I won't take it personally," I quipped.

"I'll be here as soon as we get back," John promised intently, his reluctance to leave evident. Was he still feeling so insecure about my condition that he was worried about being away?

"You don't have to worry about me," I said earnestly. "I really am better ... well, not jumping out of bed better obviously but I'm okay now."

"I know that," John said somewhat defensively, "but it's my job to worry about you ... you've given me too much practice lately so I've gotten really good at it."

"You have," I agreed apologetically. I smiled when he glanced at his watch discretely. "I saw that – if you have to go, go. Jennifer will look after me while you're gone."

"Okay," John leant down and kissed me gently, still with that 'she might break' attitude I'd have to do something about when I wasn't feeling so weak. He walked away quickly, pausing at the door to throw me a wave before disappearing from sight.

oOo

"Rodney," I caught sight of him hovering almost out of sight a few minutes later. "What're you doing out there?"

"I ah ... I didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping," Rodney said awkwardly.

"I'm awake," I gestured for him to sit down, frowning when he perched on the edge of his chair.

"So Jennifer says you'll be back to normal in a few weeks," Rodney commented after a short, uncomfortable silence.

"Yes," I dismissed, turning my attention back to him. "Are you okay because you're broadcasting a lot of nervousness, even for you?"

"I'm just really sorry you're lying there," Rodney admitted weakly. "I should have seen that booby trap and then the whole Wraith materialiser plan? It was a –,"

"A successful plan," I interrupted firmly. "You've got nothing to feel guilty for Rodney. You saved my life because you gave me time – time I wouldn't have had if I'd had to wait for Atlantis to contact us."

"Oh," Rodney seemed surprised by my heartfelt praise of his actions.

"I hear your shooting skills were pretty impressive too," I tried for a lighter tone.

"I can't believe I made that shot," Rodney admitted. "It was nerve racking – I mean I'm used to the life and death pressure but I usually get to resolve it with brains, not weapons!"

"Well you did good," I insisted, looking at him intently. "Thank you Rodney."

"You're ah ... you're welcome," Rodney replied with a pleased smile. "I gotta head out with the others so ah ... just concentrate on getting better."

"Be careful out there," I said softly, watching him leave with a fond smile.

oOo

"Hey," I opened the eyes I hadn't realised I'd closed to see Major Lorne standing by my bed probably only a few minutes later.

"Hey," I smiled at him happily. "Good to see you alive and you know ... all there. Don't you have a mission to go on?"

"I've got time," Evan replied. "You had us _all_ worried you know."

"I heard," I told him. "Been awake a couple of times today ... enough to even remember what they tell me this time."

"That's good. I just wanted to stop in before we head out," Evan explained. "Just in case you were wondering where everyone was. Parker and Brown wanted to come too but Jennifer restricted visitors to one at a time for now. They said to say they're glad you're awake and they'll be around later to help you fight off the boredom."

"Sounds good," I agreed. "You be careful out there ... and watch John's back okay?"

"Always do," Evan quipped. He turned to leave, stopping with his back to me for a few seconds before facing me again. "I'm really glad you made it through this," he said with eyes full of more emotion than I'd ever seen from him before. "There aren't that many people I'd count as true friends ... I couldn't afford to lose one of them."

Before I could say anything in reply he'd spun around and quickly strode from the room, leaving me sitting there feeling shaky but overall touched ... and appreciated. It would have been nice if Evan could have declared me a true friend _before_ I'd become a Replicator pin cushion but in the end I guess you had to take these things where you could get them.

Jennifer came by to check on me shortly afterwards, scolding me for lying there thinking instead of sleeping like I was supposed to. When I commented that I'd done nothing but sleep for days and that my head was too full she responded by giving me something that had me nodding off before I could protest.

**Author's Note:**

So sorry people! I went away for a week and came back so tired I've been crashing on the couch every night instead of posting ... thank you for your patience. Hope the wait was worth it. I have no idea how long it would take to recover from such injuries as Sabina sustained so forgive me if I'm way off.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 41_


	51. Yes I named him

**Chapter 41: ****Yes I named him**

My next visitor was Teyla and I could see after only a few moments of conversation that something was troubling her.

"Sabina," she greeted me with her usual grace as she took the seat next to my bed.

"Teyla, how are you feeling?" I asked, hoping everything was all right with her pregnancy. She was about four months along, now with a baby bump visible no matter what she was wearing and that radiance they say all pregnant women exhibit that I'd never noticed before her.

"I am well," Teyla replied firmly. "The sickness is long gone as has the need for additional sleep ... in fact I am feeling just a strong as I always do."

"Ah ... okay," I looked at her in concern, not used to such a vehement response from her. "Is something bothering you?"

"The mission," Teyla admitted reluctantly. "I asked Colonel Sheppard to be included and he refused."

"Did he say why?" I carefully didn't comment on whether I thought John had made the right call or not.

"He believes that my desire to continue off world missions has more to do with finding my people, with finding Kanaan, than it does with continuing to work now that I am expecting a child," Teyla revealed.

"And what do you think?" I looked at her curiously, wondering what she'd admit to.

"Perhaps there is some truth in his opinion," Teyla said with a sigh. "But Athosian women in general do remain very active throughout their pregnancies. It would not be unusual for us to use the ring of the Ancestors even in the days leading up to giving birth."

"I don't think John's concerns stem from the risks of Gate travel," I said mildly. "Going on a trading mission to people you know is just a little different from heading out to what could be a Wraith trap, don't you think?"

"The risk of contact with the Wraith was always there," Teyla reminded me of the cloud her people had always lived under.

"Still ... this is a lot different," I insisted. "I'm not defending John's actions here because he could have talked to you about everything instead of just ordering you be taken off the active duty list. But if you'd asked for my opinion I would have agreed with the sentiment. Going out seeking the Wraith is dangerous at the best of times and I can't believe you'd willingly put your child at risk like that."

"Of course not," Teyla insisted. "But not every mission will carry that same risk." Before I could say more Teyla leant forward and put a hand on my arm apologetically. "I should not be burdening you with my concerns."

"You're _not_ burdening me," I returned insistently. "I know it's hard to see the emotion behind some of John's actions at times but ... your friendship is very important to him Teyla. _You're _important to him."

"I know Sabina," Teyla smiled at my attempts to reassure her. "Do not be concerned ... John and I will resolve these issues in time and our friendship be as it was." Changing the subject she looked at me closely before continuing. "You are looking much better than the last time I sat with you. It is good to see you doing so well."

"Sorry I can't remember your last visit," I said with a self deprecating smile. "Apart from today the whole thing is just a little fuzzy."

"You do not recall what happened before you awoke?" Teyla asked in surprise.

"Everything up to the point the Wraith beam swept over us is crystal clear," I explained. "It's whatever's been happening since then that's not all there – I might have had moments of consciousness but it's all a blank to me."

"Perhaps that is for the best," Teyla said with a smile.

"I guess," I agreed reluctantly. "Tell me what else has been going on around here the past couple of days."

Teyla stayed with me chatting amicably until we heard that John had returned to Atlantis ahead of schedule and alone. Teyla headed up to the control room to find out more without having to ask John directly – a blatant avoidance strategy I didn't call her up on. I sat back and waited for John to stop by and tell me what was going on.

It didn't take long ... he must have gone straight from reporting in with Sam to the infirmary with no stops in between to get to me so fast.

"You look good," John greeted me with a pleased smile, putting a hand behind my head so he could raise me up for a kiss hello.

"And you look somewhat pained," I said when he sat back and looked at me. "How come you're back so early and where's Rodney and the others?"

"The Hive ship was completely deserted," John explained. "It's damaged – they had a battle with another Hive ship, reason unknown. Needs a good cleaning too – don't ask why – but with a little bit of work it looks like we've scored ourselves a new ship."

"This is just typical!" the frustration kicked in immediately as I worked out all the implications at lightning speed. "You pick _now_ – when I'm out of action big time – to find a Wraith ship? I could have flown it _and_ helped fix it but instead I'm stuck here!"

"I knew you were gonna react like this which is why I came back instead of sending Lorne," John replied, putting a hand over mine and squeezing firmly. "I know you want to be the one to do this but there is no way you can so you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"You'll have to ask Teyla," I commented, frowning in concern. "Is that such a good idea? It takes a lot out of you to control Wraith technology ... what does Jennifer say?"

"Yes I'll be asking Teyla and no it's probably not a good idea but we don't have another one," John returned. "I haven't had a chance to ask Jennifer for an opinion yet and I'm not sure I want to, given she has nothing to go on."

"I'm gonna feel so guilty if this has any kind of negative impact on Teyla," I warned him. "Plus I think she's still mad at you for not letting her go on the mission in the first place. Asking her to do this is gonna hurt just a little."

"I know that too," John sighed reluctantly before getting up again. "No point in putting it off. Listen ... we might be out there a while. I don't know how long it'll take to get the ship flight worthy enough to make it back here. Just ... do what Keller says, okay?"

"Of course I will," I promised. "Please be careful."

"Always am," John bent and kissed me once, leaning his forehead against mine with a sigh before reluctantly straightening again. "I'll make this a quick as I can," he promised, nodding to a returning Jennifer on his way out.

"He's heading out again already?" Jennifer asked in surprise.

"After he talks to Teyla," I replied. "Do you think there's likely to be a problem if Teyla operates Wraith technology while she's pregnant?"

"Ah ... I don't have anything concrete to back this up but I'd guess no," Jennifer replied thoughtfully. "The neural aspect of Wraith technology is based on a similar concept to Ancient technology. You couldn't have lived here in the past without making use of the ATA gene and I haven't seen any evidence to suggest they restricted pregnant women in any way."

"That makes sense," I said in relief.

"Is Teyla going somewhere with Wraith technology?" Jennifer asked curiously.

"They found an abandoned Hive ship," I revealed. "Rodney and the others are back there getting it ready to fly. I'm stuck here and the only other person who can operate it is Teyla."

"Yes you _are_ stuck here," Jennifer said sternly. "And I think it's about time you had another rest. Don't forget this is your first day back from unconsciousness.

"Fine," I shifted back down in the bed with a sigh. "Only this time don't give me the drugs okay – they make me loopy and I can rest without them."

"See that you do or I'll come back with the big needle," Jennifer returned with a smile. "If you're good I'll move you to a private room first thing tomorrow."

Lying back with my eyes to the ceiling I thought about John talking with Teyla, about them all being on a Hive ship for who knew how long. Somewhere in the midst of those thoughts I drifted into sleep.

oOo

The next day passed without contact from John's team ... we were half way through the following day before I got word that they had returned. Impatient to see him I had my legs half out of bed to go find him when John finally arrived at the doorway of my private room.

"Where do you think you're going?" he scolded. "Back into bed!"

"You're okay," I let him fuss with tucking me back in as I cast a glance over him, happy to find no new injuries. "What happened? Where's the Hive ship?"

"Good to see the gossip machine is working nicely," John quipped. "We crashed the ship into a Wraith facility we stumbled across in their database ... huge Wraith cloning facility which explains how they were able to win the war with the Ancients through sheer force of numbers. Todd stayed back at the Replicator home world and picked up three ZPM's – enough to power the facility for the first time in 10,000 years. We had no choice but to use the Hive ship as a bomb before they could produce a new mega army. Todd escaped or got captured, we don't know which."

"Todd?" I queried with a frown.

"Our Wraith friend," John explained.

"Todd?" I said again, looking at him expectantly.

"Yes I named him," John admitted. "I knew a Todd in college – he was very pale."

"Well it's a step up from calling him 'our Wraith friend'," I commented. "I never liked that."

John sat down then and gave me a run down on the entire mission, including the fact that Teyla had baby enhanced Wraith tech control and that she'd taken over the mind of the Queen with apparent ease to rescue them.

"It's lucky I wasn't there then," I admitted thoughtfully. "I don't know if I could have done that as easily even under the best of circumstances, meaning ..."

"Meaning Rodney would have been Wraith food already," John finished. "The whole thing was a little creepy. Lucky for Teyla I shot the Queen just in time. Teyla said just a moments hesitation and that Queen would have killed her baby."

"Oh my God," I exclaimed in horrified disbelief. "They can do that?"

"Apparently," John agreed. "Teyla was pretty upset but Jennifer's already checked her out and everything is fine. She was lucky ... this time."

"Sounds like you were all lucky," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well the end result is Teyla said she understands why I took her off the team now," John concluded. "Not the way I would have chosen to get to that position but I'll take it. We agreed I would have the final say on what missions she goes on and in return she gets some chances to be out there gathering intel on her people."

"I can't believe we missed out on yet another chance to acquire new technology," I added. "Anyone would think there's some kind of conspiracy to prevent us from advancing too much."

"Maybe," John allowed, humouring me. He was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "It's a boy."

"Teyla's having a boy?" I smiled at the idea, knowing how pleased she would be. "I thought she didn't want to find that out until the birth."

"_He_ told her," John revealed.

"Okay now I'm officially freaked out," I said incredulously. "I can't see how that's possible! Not that I think Teyla would mislead us or anything."

"She seemed pretty certain," John replied, "so I think we have to take it at face value. Enough of that - tell me how you're doing."

I settled back, happy to humour him.

**Author's Note:**

And now we see part of the reason I had to injure Sabina ... I really wanted Teyla to be the one to fly that Wraith ship but there's no way Sabina would have allowed it ... unless she _couldn't_ do it herself! We're getting close to Outcast now - one of my favourites. Hope you're all still enjoying this VERY long story ... there is still LOTS to go!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 42_


	52. If you can respond now would be the time

**Chapter 42: If you can respond, now would be the time**

It took another three weeks but finally I was cleared for light duty ... which basically meant John and Sam agreed I could start spending a few hours each day in the Ancient library. After a week or so of that hopefully they'd clear me for full duty ... not that I cared that much. I'd been out of action for a whole month already and being able to do anything other than sit around 'recovering' had me almost dizzy with anticipation.

As soon as I sat down at the viewing chamber and spotted the book I'd left inside I remembered that interesting titbit of information I'd found just before everything went to hell. I'd meant to tell John about it but in all the confusion of getting injured I'd completely forgotten. Rereading the passage that had caught my interest I nodded at the confirmation of what I'd originally deduced. The passage was referring to a room on Atlantis where it was possible to gain access to their transformed ancestors.

To me that could only mean one thing ... Ascended Ancients.

The passage referred to the room as having many purposes, describing it as a place of 'experiential learning and wisdom'. Again I didn't think it was much of a stretch to work out that meant the Hologram Room.

It was an easy walk from the Library down there and I couldn't see the harm in just taking a quick look before I told John about it. In all likelihood it would turn out to be nothing anyway ... if they could have spoken with their ancestors then surely they'd have been able to convince them to help save Atlantis from the Wraith?

Closing down the viewing chamber again I stood slowly and made my way towards the doors. Before I could get there an alarm started blaring out and the doors slammed shut.

"What the?" I muttered under my breath, standing next to the control panel and swiping my hand over it to no effect. "John?" I tapped my earpiece to make contact. "I'm here in the library and the doors just locked." There was no reply, no static, nothing to indicate my words had been transmitted anywhere. "John, are you reading me?"

Okay, so the radios weren't working either ... the alarm had been a familiar sounding one. When I thought back I realised it was the same one I'd heard way back in our first year when the nanovirus had made its original appearance – the quarantine lockdown. The city had detected some kind of biological threat and sealed off sections of the city to protect everyone. For some reason communications had also been affected.

Moving back to the viewing chamber I accessed the control console located beside it ... normally it was just for book cataloguing and searching but it was a fully functional console so I'd be able to tap into the main systems and find out what was going on.

Bringing up a map of the city the scope of the lockdown revealed had me sitting up worriedly. This wasn't some little isolated incident I'd been caught up in. In fact the city had categorised it as a level five quarantine. I didn't know the specifics of how a biological threat qualified for the various ratings but I was pretty sure level five was very serious because it looked like the whole city had been affected. Wishing I'd been somewhere with other people around I sat back and considered my options. No radios meant no one could communicate to coordinate any kind of response. Everyone would assume that Rodney and the rest of the science and medical teams would be responding but they'd be cut off too. Even with full access to everything they needed they might not be able to resolve whatever had caused the lockdown and return the city to normal status.

What to do? It'd be handy if I could find out what the specific threat had been so I could work out if there was anything I could do from my position. I was on one of the top floors in the South Tower which was still part of the central complex but a long way from the Control Room if all the doors between here and there were locked. It was unlikely I'd be able to do much but I still thought it worth checking things out.

After a few minutes of digging I was no more enlightened even though I had a better idea of the situation. There had been ionising radiation detected in the atmosphere above Atlantis earlier in the day and it seemed to have affected the systems. That meant there probably wasn't even an outbreak although I couldn't confirm it one hundred percent.

Someone in the Control Room would have already worked all that out ... the only problem was that if Rodney himself wasn't there and he didn't have access to a computer no one would be able to shut off the lockdown and reset the systems because they wouldn't have Rodney's password. Although ... a vague recollection of a conversation with John floated up from my memory. He'd mentioned Rodney telling him his password because he'd been complaining about a staff member who continually had to have theirs reset when they kept forgetting it. Rodney had been showing off his memory system by explaining his own password which John said was a series of key years in scientific history plus a tongue in cheek reference to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Rodney wouldn't think so but I knew John would remember ... if it was anything to do with numbers he had scarily good recall.

Not knowing what was going on was actually pretty stressful. I spent the next half hour waiting anxiously for the lockdown to be switched off. When it wasn't I could only think that the people needed to shut it down were too cut off ... which included John. He'd been planning to play a few games of computer golf with Rodney that morning so in all likelihood he was in Rodney's lab – surely they'd be able to fix things from there. Unless the quarantine was real and something was wrong with them.

"Don't go there," I urged myself aloud, actively turning my thoughts away from that disturbing direction.

Should I try to do something more than just sit and dig around in the computer? That was the question ... and I didn't have an answer so I turned back to the computer and looked for anything that would tell me what was happening elsewhere in the city.

That's when I discovered that the beacon was broadcasting a 'stay away' disease alert through subspace. Crap! We'd have Hive ships descending on us if someone didn't switch that off.

And then I froze as the thought _finally_ occurred to me.

Just because the usual communications were down didn't mean I couldn't communicate – with John at least! Cursing the fact that I hadn't done it as soon as I realised the main system was offline ... had all that blood I'd lost weeks before scrambled my brain too? ... I put my hands on the console hand pads and linked myself in mentally. Using the sensor system to find John amongst all the other signals being detected, I locked on to him and tried to make contact.

"_John?_" I thought as strongly as I could. I waited a few seconds before continuing. "_John ... I know you may not be able to respond and I don't know if you're near a computer or anything but the subspace beacon is broadcasting a disease warning. Someone has to switch if off ... I hope you can remember Rodney's password because you'll need it to get access ... plus it has to be someone in the Control Room who shuts it off. I might be able to give them the password via you but that relies on you being able to give it to me mentally so ... if you can respond, now would be the time._"

Waiting a few more seconds without getting anything back I had to give it up as probably a lost cause. Things had been different on Larrin's ship – John had been sitting in the control chair when I'd initially made contact mentally and reusing what I'd shown him even when he wasn't had been difficult but he'd done it because it was all fresh in his mind. That had been months ago and we hadn't practiced since then so I could hardly expect him to be able to do the same thing here. Atlantis was a lot bigger too – that shouldn't make a difference but for an untrained person the scope of everything available if you just let yourself be open to the whole city would be overwhelming. Even if John managed to get that far he'd probably struggle to find me amidst the vastness that was Atlantis.

We were more than an hour into the lockdown when I decided to do a general check of life signs, see if anyone was located close by – I hadn't done it before because I knew I wouldn't be able to get to them. Now that I'd been stuck in the library by myself for so long I was thinking it would be reassuring to know I wasn't the only person in the South Tower.

Calling up the map of Atlantis I requested life signs and watched as little yellow circles appeared dotting across the whole city. Naturally I looked more closely at the main tower first ... and spotted one little yellow dot appearing to move from one floor to the next up the tower. Since I knew that was impossible from the inside it left only one possible explanation.

Someone was climbing up the outside of the tower.

There was only one person I knew with both the skill and the gutsy stupidity to think they could pull it off. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.

"Talk about crazy, stupid, ... _crazy_ stunts!" I complained aloud. I wanted to get back on the mental communication channel and blast him but that would hardly be helpful given his current position. Instead I was forced to watch helplessly as the dot that was my reckless husband made steady progress up the tower, arriving a few minutes later on the main level and joining the other dots inside the control room. Sinking back to my chair in relief I promised myself I'd have a few choice words to say to him when I saw him next!

Looking at the rest of the life signs map I noticed a dot on the same level as me but one tower over. The only reason it drew my attention was because Atlantis had put a red circle around it. Zooming in on that section I drew a sharp breath at what the map was apparently telling me. It looked like the dot was on top of one of the quarantine bulkheads ... the only way that could have happened was if someone had been unable to get out of the way when they'd slammed into place. The red circle must be some kind of signal to alert us to a weakness in the quarantine lockdown.

They were too close for me not to want to help ... only trouble was I was still stuck inside the Library. Frantically I tried to think of something ... anything that would help.

The retractable walkways! There were walkways that could be extended between the main towers - we never kept ours up but I vividly recalled the sight of Asuras retracting theirs in preparation for flying their city. I was on the top floor so there should be a walkway I could activate to connect me to the next tower.

Hurriedly putting my hands on the console I called up the program and tried to get the walkway to extend. With the lockdown in place a simple request didn't cut it so I went in deeper and tried to communicate with the city on a more personal level. Caritas had said I'd be surprised at what I could do if I opened myself to the city and I relied on the promise in that to do what I needed. It wasn't actual words but somehow I explained what was needed and that the risks to anyone else were minimal because the walkway would be outside and I'd only have access to that one room on the other side. I wasn't up to full strength so I was shaking with the mental effort required, throwing everything into pleading with the city to do what I wanted.

Finally I got confirmation and heard the welcome sound of mechanical movement outside the closest external door which swung open a second later, revealing a walkway leading to the next tower. Just in time too because the computer in the Library suddenly shut down at the same time that the self destruct sequence began.

"Great!" I yelled, running out the door and across to the other tower as fast as I could.

The door on the other side was open too and I rushed into what turned out to be a small storage room used by the kitchen staff.

"Help?" a tearful voice called out from the doorway. Shifting around the shelves I spotted Private Amanda Jones, one of the air force personnel permanently assigned to the kitchen, lying on the floor. One leg was trapped under the bulkhead door along with a large metal storage container that was crushed to half its usual height. Without that Amanda's leg would have been amputated by the bulkhead and with the rest of her on the storage room side she would have bled to death before anyone had gotten to her.

"Amanda," I dropped down beside her with a reassuring smile, hardly noticing when the self destruct alarm switched off because my focus was entirely on the situation in front of me.

"Oh Sabina - thank God!" Amanda looked up, her face tear streaked and pale with pain. "I tried to get free but I couldn't get my foot clear."

The sound of metal groaning was too loud in that little room and we both glanced worriedly at the door.

"That's been happening the whole time," Amanda admitted weakly. "Every time it does I feel the door pressing down on my leg a little harder."

"The storage box is being flattened by the pressure?" I asked worriedly, frowning when she nodded unhappily. "Okay, let me see if I can find something to use as a lever so you can pull yourself clear."

Looking around I quickly worked out the only thing useful was the shelves themselves. It took me a few minutes to dismantle one enough to make in manoeuvrable, the sounds of that box steadily being crushed urging me on.

"Okay, let's try this," I announced, going over to wedge one end under the door. "As soon as you feel the pressure ease try and pull your leg clear. Ready?"

"Yes," Amanda said nervously, raising herself onto her elbows and getting ready to pull herself clear.

"Three, two, one," I counted down before leaning my entire weight on my end of the lever. "Come on," I grunted out, straining to apply all my strength to the task.

"It's working!" Amanda exclaimed. "Just a little more ..."

Working even harder I could feel the pressure all the way through to my face and I'm sure I was red and a little scary as I practically growled at the effort.

"Yes!" Amanda cried, shifting herself clear of the door. Quickly kicking the box out from under the door I dropped the lever and slumped down on the floor next to her, breathing hard. "Thank you," Amanda said tearfully. "I really thought I was going to die trapped under that door. I don't know how you found me but I can't tell you how grateful I am you did."

"I was in the Library in the next Tower – checked the life signs just to see who else was about," I told her, still recovering from the exertion. Four weeks away from my usual routine had taken a lot off my fitness level. Along with the physical therapy I was already doing on my shoulder having to build myself back to full fitness really sucked. Not that I'd actively complain about it of course – didn't mean I had to like it though.

"Well that was really lucky for me," Amanda said with a smile.

"I should check your leg," I shifted to kneel down beside her, raising her trouser leg after getting a nod of permission from her. Her lower leg was swollen and badly bruised but there was no sign of bleeding which was good. "I know this probably hurts a lot but it looks like you've been really lucky – I don't think it's broken although the bruising it pretty bad. We'll get Doctor Keller to check you out as soon as we get out of here."

"Wasn't that the self destruct alarm just before you got here?" Amanda reminded me.

"Yeah, but they've switched it off now," I said casually, not telling her they could do that without actually deactivating the device. "Look, there's nowhere else we can go for now so we might as well sit back and relax."

"I guess," Amanda leant her head back against the wall and sighed tiredly.

"Got any chocolate in here?" I asked hopefully after a few moments of silence.

"Top shelf over there," Amanda said with a laugh. "I think you've earned a life time pass for chocolate whenever you want it!"

"Cool!" I shared a big grin with her as I reached up for a couple of bars. Sitting back down and offering her one I added "don't tell John though ... he's not above using chocolate as a Rodney McKay management tool which would seriously deplete your stores."

"Of course," Amanda replied in amusement.

**Author's Note:**

I have no idea how heavy those doors that slammed down during Quarantine would actually be, not how much downward pressure they'd exert ... in all likelihood the 'storage container stuck and holding the door open' premise I used in this chapter is unrealistic BUT still ... haven't you always wondered what would happen if someone didn't get out of the way fast enough? On the show those doors appeared to activate pretty rapidly and usually with little warning. So I decided to play with that idea a bit here ... ah, the beauty of fan fiction! My take on Quarantine will conclude in the next chapter ... then it's Harmony and Outcast in the chapters that follow.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 43_


	53. I saw your climb up the tower

**Chapter 43:**** I saw your climb up the tower**

Having Amanda for company made the waiting more bearable – it was probably another half an hour before my radio finally crackled to life simultaneous with the door shooting upwards and ending our captivity.

"Sabina, are you okay?" John's voice sent relief coursing through me.

"Yes," I replied quickly. "What about you?"

"Of course," he said casually. "Stay there - I'm only a minute away from the Library now."

"Ah, I'm not exactly in the Library anymore," I admitted reluctantly ... not that John would mind I'd come over to help Amanda. When he realised how hard I'd had to exert myself though ... well, that would be a different story.

"What?" John demanded. "The place was locked down – where the hell are you?"

"Long story," I looked at Amanda with a shrug. "When you get to the library look out the external door."

Getting up I went to my side of the doorway and waited for John to appear, motioning him over when he did.

"This wasn't here before," John announced when he got close enough.

"I _made_ it happen," I said proudly. "Cool huh?"

"Ah I guess," John said with a confused expression. "Why didn't you just stay in the Library?"

"Because there was someone over here who needed help," I explained, grabbing his hand and drawing him fully into the room. "Amanda was caught by surprise when the bulkhead lowered – got her leg stuck under the door and was lucky enough one of the storage containers she was moving got stuck under there too. It wasn't that far away so I ah ... convinced the city to let me come over here."

"You _convinced_ the city?" John raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"It likes me, remember?" I dismissed casually, not wanting to go into details with Amanda as a witness.

"Okay," John turned to Amanda questioningly. "How you doing there Jones?"

"Better since your wife arrived Sir," Amanda replied.

"She tends to have that affect on everyone," John quipped, shooting a teasing glance my way before he refocused on Amanda. "Well, let's get someone down here to check out that leg," he turned away and made radio contact with the control room, requesting a team come up to collect Private Jones.

I noticed immediately when he spotted the lever I'd used and worked out how I'd actually gotten Amanda free. "You levered the door up?" John asked quietly.

"I had to," I insisted defensively. "That storage box wasn't going to hold much longer – she could have lost her leg!"

"And you're still recovering from a serious chest wound!" John retorted irritably. "Did you even think about that?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I'm fine though, see?" I raised my arms out from my sides and swung them back and forth, wincing as muscles pulled uncomfortably. Seeing John's knowing look I quickly lowered my arms again and shrugged. "Okay so maybe I might have put a little more strain on myself that I should have but I really am okay."

"We'll let Jennifer be the judge of that," John used a tone that made it clear there was no point in arguing. "I'll take you there myself."

"Okay, but not until the medics get here," I insisted, acquiescing good naturedly.

We stayed until help arrived and I knew Amanda was being taken care of ... only then did I let John draw me away.

John escorted me purposefully to the infirmary where Jennifer examined me, checking both wound sites and frowning when I couldn't help but groan a little as she tested my muscles much as I'd tested them myself.

"Let's get you under the scanner," she decided thoughtfully.

I'd been in that scanner too many times over the past weeks but lay still without protest while the blue lights flashed over me. Jennifer left us alone for a few minutes to go over the results.

"I saw your climb up the tower," I told John while we waited.

"Huh?" John looked at me in surprise.

"I was checking life signs," I explained. "That's how I found Amanda. Before that though I saw one lone dot moving up the outside of the tower – that _was_ you right?"

"It was the only way I could get up to the Control Room," John pointed out. "I'd already spotted the subspace beacon when you made contact – I tried for a few minutes to give you Rodney's password but when you didn't reply I knew it hadn't worked and I didn't think there was time for me to keep trying so I came up with a different plan."

"Yeah well at the time all I was thinking was how crazy you are and how I was gonna blast you as soon as I saw you," I admitted ruefully. "Funny thing is I don't feel like doing that anymore."

"We both did what we thought was necessary," John acknowledged in understanding.

"Sometimes the necessary comes over as insane," I added. "I don't even want to _think_ about the risks you took today and I'm glad I didn't have to watch you do that climb in person."

"But I was _good_," John said smugly, obviously still very pleased with himself. "Very Spider Man. And you should have seen Lorne's face when I turned up in the Control Room. Of course I also set off the self destruct by breaching the quarantine but we had to shut off that beacon."

"How _did_ you shut it off?" I asked curiously. John was about to answer but he didn't get the chance.

"Well Sabina," Jennifer returned with a pleased smile. "You did strain a couple of muscles but you haven't done any damage around either wound site. You'll have to ease up on your recovery program so it's set you back a few days but you're good to go."

"Thanks Doc," John spoke for both of us, grabbing my hand and helping me off the examination bed.

"You too tired to get something to eat?" John asked as we walked down the corridor.

"I _am_ a bit tired but it's been a pretty lonely day," I told him. "I wouldn't mind some busy time in the Mess with everyone else."

We took our usual spot and were joined soon after by Teyla and Ronon and then by Radek.

I listened with delight as the story of Radek's heroics were relived, pleased to see him in the spotlight for a change. Teyla had been stuck in Rodney's lab the whole time and Ronon in the infirmary with Jennifer so they were hearing the story for the first time too.

"You crawled the entire way there in those tiny vents?" Teyla asked him incredulously.

"I'm surprised he even fit in there," Ronon commented.

"Oh, he fit, all right," John said with a smile. "There's plenty of room."

"Well, not plenty," Radek disagreed, enjoying his moments of heroic fame.

"You should have seen him," John talked it up. "He looked like one of those little hamsters in one of those ..."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," Radek interrupted. "Listen, the important thing is I was able to make it and shut off the power in time."

"Hey, d'you hear?" Ronon turned to Teyla with an amused smirk. "McKay thought it was a real outbreak. He even started getting sick! Thought he was, um ..."

"_Interesting_," I thought, watching as Ronon stopped talking, his expression almost uncomfortable as he took his feet off the chair beside him. The reason became apparent when Jennifer arrived at our table with a smile.

"Hey, uh ...," It was the first time I could recall Ronon actually wanting to say something but not having the words.

"Hi," Jennifer smiled at everyone. "Mind if I join you?"

"Sure, go ahead," John invited.

Jennifer glanced at Ronon with an unreadable expression before sitting down next to him. Ronon looked uncomfortable, even more so when he noticed we were all watching him curiously.

"What?" he demanded belligerently.

"Nothin'," John glanced at me with an amused look. We were bothing thinking the same things. Ronon had a thing for Jennifer? Closely followed by - what had they gotten up to stuck in the infirmary together for so many hours?

More subtle Ronon ribbing probably would have continued but Colonel Carters' approach put an end to it.

"Well, it's been several hours now and there's no indication that anyone out there's picked up our alert beacon," she announced with a relieved smile. "I think we're in the clear."

"Well, we should keep an eye out, just in case," John advised.

"Great work, Radek," Sam complimented, patting him on the shoulder. "Everyone on this base owes you a debt of gratitude."

"Oh, thank you," Radek smiled up at her, equal parts admiration and pleasure at her attention.

"McKay would love this," John turned to me with a grin.

"Probably not," I agreed with a smile. "But it's about time someone else got the chance to show what they can do ... and it's about time Rodney got a break from always having to be the one to come up with the last minute solution."

"Yeah it certainly was different," John agreed, putting his arm around me and pulling me into his side.

oOo

Later that night when we were stretched out together, tired but not sleeping, I remembered what I'd found out about the Hologram room. For the second time something had distracted me from sharing it and I really wanted to tell John before anything else could happen.

"I found something interesting in the library," I said softly into the darkness, my head resting on John's shoulder. "Well actually I found it before M7G-677 but I never had a chance to tell you ... I forgot all about it until this morning."

"What'd you find?" John asked curiously.

"The suggestion that the Ancients had a way to talk to their ancestors," I revealed.

"_Ascended_ ancestors?" John leaned up on an elbow and looked at me in surprise.

"If I'm reading it right, yeah," I confirmed. "It was another function of the Hologram Room – at least I think it was. Of course it probably never worked – otherwise they would have asked for help instead of abandoning the city like they did."

"Maybe they _did_ ask for help," John suggested grimly. "The Ascended aren't exactly known for their compassion."

"I was gonna go try it out just before the quarantine happened," I admitted. "Even though I don't think anything will eventuate."

"It sounds harmless enough ... might as well give it a go," John agreed after considering the risks for a moment. "What would you say if an Ascended Ancient actually responded?"

"Now there's a scary thought," I joked. "God, I don't know! Maybe I should prepare something before I try it. No sense looking like an idiot for someone with an eternal memory!"

"Ask around, see if anyone has any burning issues only an Ascended could answer," John suggested casually.

"I might do that," I yawned widely, snuggling into John tiredly. "It was strange Rodney didn't turn up for dinner tonight."

"He had something going on this morning," John replied cryptically. "I'm guessing the quarantine had an adverse effect."

"By something I'm guessing you mean you can't tell me," I said, my curiosity roused.

"He'll tell you himself if he wants to," John returned. He yawned, running a hand almost absentmindedly down the arm I had rested over his chest until his hand covered mine.

"I guess I'll stop in on him in the morning then," I decided, getting a sleepy nod from John in reply.

oOo

"Hey Rodney," I walked into his lab early the next morning, still keen to check up on him.

"Sabina," Rodney greeted me with no obvious signs that anything was wrong.

"We missed you at the Mess last night," I commented, taking a seat across from him. "Everything okay?"

"Um ...," Rodney frowned for a moment. I watched him thinking before his shoulders slumped and he looked across at me dejectedly. "How'd you know John was the right person for you?"

"I didn't at first," I admitted, not letting my surprise at his choice of subject show. "Well, no I guess I _did_ know but I didn't want to admit it to myself."

"Yeah but _how_ did you know?" Rodney persisted.

"Ah ...," I thought for a moment, searching for something to explain what wasn't really explainable. "Because from day one he accepted everything about me – both good and bad," I offered. "Because he loves the real me ... I know I can be a pain sometimes but I don't think he ever sees me that way." I stopped, thinking some more before offering a blanket summary statement that explained it as best I could.

"Because I can be myself with him."

"You can be yourself," Rodney repeated sadly, nodding like he'd expected something like that.

"Is this about you and Katie?" I asked hesitantly.

"I almost asked her to marry me yesterday," Rodney admitted.

I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You did?"

"I was _going_ to but then the quarantine happened and I ah, I wasn't at my best and ... well, we just didn't work well together under pressure like I thought we should – nothing like you and John do. In the end I had to tell her I wasn't ready to take that step – that I needed time to work on improving myself. I showed every one of my most annoying flaws yesterday – she deserves better than that."

"_Rodney_," I admonished. "You can't go into a relationship resolved to hide parts of yourself like you have with Katie," I told him firmly. "You have to give her the chance to love _all_ of you, not just the bits you think are worthy."

"Yeah well I don't think that will be happening any time soon," Rodney said weakly. "She said she wasn't ready either but ..."

"You think she was just saying that to let you off the hook," I concluded.

"I don't know ... but I'm pretty sure our relationship won't recover from this," Rodney was being negative but under the circumstances I couldn't blame him.

"Just give it time," I told him gently. "You never know how things could turn out."

"I guess," Rodney agreed reluctantly. "How'd it go for you during the quarantine?"

Respecting his desire to change the subject I told him my story plus as much as I knew of everything else that had happened on what had turned out to be a long and unusual day.

**Authors Note:**

Yay me! Chapters posted two days in a row! And I may be able to do another one tomorrow as well :D

I loved the episode Quarantine but found it difficult to write because I only had Sabina's POV to tell the story from ... so these past two chapters don't feel as exciting and interesting as the show but hopefully still do it some justice. I deliberately changed the timing of when John would have needed Rodney's password to after he discovered the subspace beacon was broadcasting – because it didn't make sense they could see what was locked down and all the life signs and practically everything else _without_ Rodney's password but not that a subspace beacon was broadcasting. Why? I could understand not being able to mess with things set off by the quarantine so needing a password to turn off the beacon, but not just to see what each system was doing.

And yes I am aware Sheppard references Batman in the episode but seriously, climbing up a tower like that is totally Spider Man! And how good was that? One of my fav John Sheppard moments *big grin*.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 44 ... it's Harmony! I know what you're thinking? How WILL she handle the little brat?! LOL_


	54. Don’t you think it’s time?

**Chapter 44: Don't you think it's time?**

As soon as Jennifer cleared me to begin working myself back to complete fitness I resolved to do it as quickly as possible. Of course I wanted to get back to full duty but I also wanted John to stop treating me like a delicate piece of glass too. At first it had comforted me but as I improved I began to see it as John no longer relaxed and comfortable in my presence, almost scared that something would happen to me. I'm not sure he even realised he was doing it and I didn't want to confront him verbally because the image of how upset he'd been when I'd regained consciousness was still too vivid in my mind. No, I decided the best way to convince him I was back to my old self was to prove it.

Teyla had conceded soon after her pregnancy had really started to show that she couldn't lead sparring sessions anymore which meant my choices to get back to speed there were John, Ronon or Major Lorne. John was out of the question because I'd already asked him a few times and he'd put me off with a vague promise that he'd help me when I was 'better'. Ronon knew more about coming back from injury than Evan so I decided to try him first ... finding him practising alone in the gym seemed like a good sign.

"Can I interrupt?" I asked him from the doorway.

"Sure," he held the fighting stick he'd been swinging in both hands behind his back, using it to stretch his shoulders and back.

"I was wondering if you'd have some time to spar with me," I began. "Just beginner level to start with ... maybe once a day?"

"Jennifer cleared you?" Ronon asked.

"Of course," I agreed easily. "You know I usually train with Teyla but obviously that's not an option right now so it was either you or John and he's being a bit ... stubborn in noticing that I'm pretty much back to normal now."

"And you want to show him with sparring?" Ronon deduced.

"Something like that," I admitted. "So will you help?"

"Okay," Ronon agreed easily. "When do you want to start?"

"How about right now?" I suggested hopefully.

Ronon lobbed the fighting stick to me with a grin, nodding approvingly when I caught it easily.

oOo

I worked hard over the next two weeks to get back up to speed physically, pushing myself enough that Jennifer admonished me more than once not to rush my recovery.

John had relented on one front, not commenting the first morning I'd rejoined him for our morning run or any other morning after that. Along with a daily session with Ronon it wasn't long before I could stop pretending not to be tired at the end of the day. Even though John could see I was fit again he still seemed to be holding back with me ... in _all_ areas. So I took matters into my own hands, issuing him an invitation to meet me in the gym one evening six weeks after my injury.

I'd been pacing the sparring room for a few minutes before he finally showed up with a puzzled look, holding up the note I'd left him.

"I got your invitation," he held up the paper curiously. "Kind of a strange place for dinner isn't it?"

"I wanted to show you something first," I said resolutely. Walking to my bag I removed two sets of fighting sticks. Approaching him silently I held out his set, waiting for him to react.

"You want to spar?" he looked from the sticks in my hand to my eyes with a blank expression.

"Don't you think it's time?" I asked gently. "You don't seem to have noticed that I'm all better now ... I couldn't think of any other way to show you."

"You've been practising," John deduced. "Who with?"

"Ronon," I admitted. "And before you get annoyed remember that I asked you first. You seemed to be waiting for some kind of announcement from on high that I was up to it and I got tired of waiting."

"You don't have to spar with me to prove yourself," John took his sticks and turned back to where I'd left my bag. "I jog with you every morning – I've noticed you're back to giving me a run for my money."

"Being fit enough to exercise is different from being fit enough to do my job off world," I pointed out, When he went to put his sticks away I slotted one of my sticks underneath, locking my arm so even if he pushed it he wouldn't be able to finish. "Don't," I said firmly.

"What do you want from me?" John asked with an impatient frown. "You're better – I believe you."

"Then prove it," I said heatedly, grabbing his sticks and pushing them into his chest. "We used to spar all the time – this shouldn't be any different. Or are you worried I'm gonna beat you? I _have_ had two weeks of special one on one training with Ronon after all."

"I think I'm safe," John said with a laugh. "You're not going to dare me into this."

"Fine, then how about a wager?" I suggested in exasperation. I'd been standing close but I took a step forward and pressed every part of me that I could against him. "We spar ... if I can hold my own I win and you start treating me like a real person again instead of like I'm gonna break any second."

"I don't do that!" John said in surprise.

"Yeah, you do," I disagreed. "I understand why but ... I'm about to be cleared to go off world and I can't do that knowing you're still so worried about me. Take the wager – let me prove you don't have to worry anymore."

"And if I win?" John asked curiously. "What happens then?"

"I won't go back to full duty until you're ready," I offered reluctantly.

"Wow," John's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You must be feeling confident."

"Ronon thinks I can take you," I said with a teasing grin.

"Let's find out," John gave in suddenly, unzipping his jacket and throwing it on the bench. Grabbing his sticks he swung them a few times as he walked back to the centre of the room.

He let me take the lead, still underestimating me. I punished him for it, using a new frontal attacking sequence Ronon had taught me. John was fast, dodging quickly as he shifted his sticks to block mine but I still managed to get one stick past his guard.

"Ouch!" John danced back, putting a hand to his shoulder and rubbing it with a pained expression.

"I'll kiss it better later," I promised unrepentantly, raising my sticks and waiting for him to attack.

We settled into a familiar dance of advance and defence, neither of us gaining any ground on the other. John was grinning after about ten minutes and I knew I'd won, regardless of the final outcome. At last he'd remembered what it was like to do this, how well matched we were and how much sheer pleasure there was in pitting ourselves against each other.

"Are you ready to concede?" I asked him smugly, breathing just a little harder than usual.

"No way," John rushed forward suddenly, locking sticks as he shifted us both towards one end of the room. Leaning in with me pinned between him and the wall he grinned again. "How about you?"

"I'm not beaten yet," I promised, pressing myself fully against him and going up on tiptoes. Ignoring the sticks pressing into my chest I kissed him, putting as much heat into it as I could. I felt his attention shift, felt him lower his guard. Grinning against his lips I pushed forward and then rotated until I had his back against the wall instead.

"Fighting dirty huh?" John looked down at me in amusement. "Two can play at that game."

He wrenched the sticks from my hands abruptly and threw them to the floor. His followed a second later and then his hands were in my hair pulling me up to his lips before I could blink.

Finally! My insides leapt with excitement as I received the first roughly passionate kiss followed quickly by another. This was what had been missing since I'd recovered enough to be engaged in intimate activities – John letting go of that formidable control and just existing with me in the moment.

"Is this ...?" Breaking away John looked at me with concern.

"God yes!" I pulled him back to me impatiently. "Don't stop. Just, you know – lock the door first!"

"Yes Ma'am," John glanced at the doors with an intent expression.

Then he took me at my word, getting us naked and sweaty and meshed together in every sense with that same rough passion. Once we'd travelled the familiar path and made it to the other side I lay slumped contentedly against him, thinking that _now_ my world really was back to the way it should be.

oOo

"Feel like a trading mission to see Flora and Mardola?" Rodney asked John hopefully at breakfast the next morning.

"We had a late night," John offered, looking at me with a secretive twinkle in his eye. "I'll pass. Take Lorne – he always enjoys catching up with Flora."

"Fine but remember what you're missing out on," Rodney returned. "They always treat us like royalty."

"I've got plenty here to keep me entertained," John said complacently. "Go, enjoy yourself. But don't mess up our trading agreements!"

"As if I would!" Rodney protested irritably. "I'll see you when we get back. Sabina."

Nodding a goodbye to both of us Rodney headed off to find Major Lorne.

"I take it he's given up on Katie then," I commented quietly.

"Or she gave up on him," John replied. "Rodney said things have been very strained and he's not sure what to make of it. I guess it's easier for him to think about someone new than to try and work out what Katie's thinking."

"Maybe she really isn't the right one for him then," I concluded. "Wouldn't he be happy being himself instead of hiding his 'Rodney' traits – if he was with the right person I mean?"

"I'd hope so," John agreed.

"I really thought Katie did appreciate Rodney for who he is," I offered with a puzzled frown. "I don't think he was as different around her as he seems to think."

"Maybe Rodney can't see that right now," John suggested. As I nodded thoughtfully, he looked at me expectantly. "What do you have planned for today?"

"Rodney gave me a couple of Ancient devices from the lab you found a few missions ago," I replied. "He wants me to see if I can find them in the database, work out what they do. It's a pretty simple task but a good way to get back into the ATA side of things. I mean, I did do that thing with the extending walkway and convincing Atlantis to let me out but I could still do with the practice. I feel like it's been month instead of weeks since I did anything real like that."

"Never hurts," John returned. "You know, you never explained exactly how you managed to do that."

"That's because I'm not really sure," I replied with a frown. "I just kind of let myself be open to the systems, imagined that the walkway wouldn't be a risk because the quarantine at that bulkhead had already been compromised and then thought lots of pleading thoughts at the city to let me go over there."

"And it did," John concluded before redirecting the conversation. "You're not planning on trying out the Hologram room?"

"Still haven't worked out what I'd say if I actually do make contact with an Ascended Ancient," I shrugged casually. "It's not like we need something like that right now. Anyway, speaking of practice we should probably find time to do some. There've been a couple of times now where directly accessing the Ancient systems for mental communication came in handy. We should work on strengthening your ability to respond so we can get the most out of it."

"Yeah, okay," John agreed thoughtfully. "Not today though. Sam's been at me to finish my midyear staff evaluations. With Rodney off world I might actually be able to make some progress."

"No marking everyone the same?" I reminisced fondly.

"Ah ... not this time," John smiled with just a hint of sadness, both of us thinking of Elizabeth and how annoyed she'd gotten when John had given everyone excellent and above average ratings last year.

"All right, well I'll leave you to it," I rose, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips. "See you at lunch."

oOo

Major Lorne radioed in a couple of hours after he and Rodney had left to request an extension on their mission. The royal princesses had asked for their help with a quest and Evan hadn't seen any reason to refuse. They'd be back sometime the following day which meant my triumphant return to off world duty was delayed for another day.

The following night I joined John and the others, including Major Lorne for dinner just in time to hear Rodney recounting the highlights from their mission. He'd actually managed to win over the thirteen year old Princess Manipulative Brat (his words) aka Harmony with his bravery. He did admit that all he'd done was accidently protect Harmony from a Genii attack and then restore their Ancient mini drone device to operation. Apparently Harmony had been very impressed and started making noises about alliances and securing the royal line. Rodney couldn't wait to get out of there after that.

When I asked Evan what impression he'd made he looked across at Rodney with resignation, letting him field the question.

"The Princess had a _major_ crush to start with, no pun intended," Rodney took delight in sharing. "It all went downhill at the end though when Evan activated their drone device, including reinitialising the royal pendant that proves who's next in line for the throne. Harmony was pissed at him after that – threatened to hang him for treason. It was actually rather amusing."

"So you've said," Lorne returned tiredly, "a _number_ of times. What are the chances of you forgetting about this one?"

"You're kidding right?!" Rodney chortled. "The geek actually got the girl ... admittedly a thirteen year old brat, but it still counts."

"You're not exactly a geek these days Rodney," I pointed out. "No coke bottle glasses _or_ protractor and pens in your top pocket. You carry a gun! Maybe it's not that the geeks won the day but that you've switched sides."

"Don't even think like that!" Rodney retorted, giving every appearance of being offended I'd tagged him a goon instead of a geek. Everyone else must have thought it was funny because his reaction just made them all laugh harder.

"Thanks," Evan muttered to me when the laughter had died down a little.

"You're welcome," I smiled, happy to have completed some successful Rodney teasing _and_ that John had dodged a difficult mission for a change.

**Authors Note:**

I know what you're thinking ...what a cop out!!! I _know_ ... I hated to have that little Princess being mean to Lorne but ... I hated it even more that she was so mean to Sheppard in the actual episode. That was my opinion anyway - I know they were trying to give Rodney a chance to shine but I never thought John did enough at the end to warrant such a 180 from Harmony. I mean look at him - he's an adolescent girls dream Prince!!! Plus John wouldn't have gone there anyway - in the episode he and Rodney only visited because they thought those princesses were hot. With Sabina in the picture John just wouldn't do that ... this was the only way I could come up with to redress those issues.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 45 ... FINALLY - the beginning of Outcast!_


	55. Regimen ex preteritus

**Chapter 45: Regimen ex preteritus**

Even though I had no real idea on what to use contact with an Ascended Ancient for I couldn't get the Hologram Room out of my head. The idea of it - wondering if what I'd read in the Ancient library was even true - was eating at me to the point of obvious distraction.

"Just go try it out for God's sake," John exclaimed after another breakfast conversation where I'd been saying something and just trailed off without finishing, my mind engaged in 'what if?'.

"Try what?" I asked distractedly ... if an actual ascended ancient _did_ appear, would it be someone familiar like perhaps Morgan Le Fay herself?

"The Hologram Room," John said firmly, his tone sharpening my focus back on him. "I know you don't think it'll work but the wondering about it is driving you ... _and me_ crazy. Just go try out what it said in that book – answer the question so we can move on to something else!"

"Fine," I muttered, getting up right there and then. "There's no need to get grumpy you know. I'll go do it right now!"

"Good luck," John offered in amusement.

"I'll let you know how it goes," I put my arms around his chest from behind, pressed a kiss to his cheek and then headed off.

Once in the Hologram Room I looked around a bit nervously. If this was a place to communicate with Ascended Ancients did that mean they were watching it somehow?

Stepping up to the dais I put my hands on the control console and waited for the hologram to appear.

"Please state the nature of your enquiry," the image of Morgan LeFay intoned.

"I seek guidance from the ancestors," I replied. "Could you maybe send one down here for a chat?"

"Your query is not recognised," the hologram replied blandly.

Okay, so a straight request wasn't the way ... either that or it wouldn't work no matter how I asked the question. What else could I try ... I thought for a moment and then had another idea.

"Ah ... ego quaeso regimen ex preteritus," I spoke the words as I'd read them in the text. Literally they translated as 'I ask for guidance from the past'. The hologram didn't respond this time, at least not verbally. Instead I felt a tingling in my hands where I had them resting on the console.

Looking down I frowned at the blue light glowing brightly enough to illuminate the bones in my hands ... when the tingly, clinging feeling followed quickly after, flashbacks to the fountain on Aprost had panic clawing at my insides. I quickly pulled my hands from the console but it didn't shut off the new light display.

"You know what?" I announced loudly to the silent hologram. "I think I've changed my mind ... I don't need guidance after all so if you could just cancel that request I'd really appreciate it."

Nothing happened, the hologram standing frozen and unyielding in front of me.

"_Please_," I called out insistently. "I don't want to do this!"

"_And yet guidance is sorely needed if you are to fulfil your purpose_," the voice came from inside my head as well as from all around me, my ears reverberating at the deep ringing tones.

"My _purpose_?" I asked aloud incredulously.

"_The purpose for which you were created, that brought you to the city from so far away_," came the reply. "_Do you not wish to know more about your origins?_"

"If I want to know more this isn't the method I'd choose," I replied angrily. "Who am I speaking to anyway? Is this a part of the hologram program because I think a little reprogramming might be in order."

"_The hologram program merely acts as a conduit_," my unknown conversant replied. "_I am nativitas, commissio, originis ... the reason you are here._"

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked grimly, that nervous butterfly feeling fluttering up from my stomach pinning me in place without me even attempting to just leave.

"_You will have to work that out for yourself_," came the reply. "_I will respect your wishes ... for now._"

The presence inside my head disappeared along with the lights and the original hologram, leaving me standing alone in the darkened room.

"Okay, that didn't go how I expected," I muttered, rubbing hands across my forehead as I tried to think. "John?" I tapped my radio, hoping he'd be available.

"Sabina?" John replied instantly. "You okay?"

"Have you got a minute?" I asked hopefully. "I could really use you up here in the Hologram Room."

"I'm on my way," John promised.

I spent the few minutes wait pacing around, getting myself more worked up and more confused.

"Finally," I jumped on John the instant he arrived, dragging him over to the dais so I could show him what I'd seen. Calling up the hologram program I gave my request before she could even speak. "Please replay everything that happened since I first stepped into the room this morning."

We both watched as the Hologram disappeared and then reappeared again, asking for the nature of my enquiry. She then stood there for a few minutes completely silent and still before winking out of existence again.

"_No_," I said insistently. "Replay what the other part of the hologram said to me."

"There is no record of any other interaction during the time frame you specified," the hologram replied.

"What? That's impossible," I protested. "There must be something there."

"This program experienced a processing glitch and was frozen for approximately 3 minutes," the hologram reported. "The glitch was rectified and the program returned to active status."

"I heard something," I gave up on the easy replay option, my expression pleading for John to believe me. "It wasn't a physical representation and I don't know if it had anything to do with Ascended Ancients or if it was just a part of the hologram program."

"What did it say?" John asked calmly.

"That I needed to know more about my 'purpose'," I admitted with a puzzled frown. "John – she made it sound like there was a reason - something I'm supposed to do - that explains why I ended up here on Atlantis. When I tried to find out who she was she spouted off a few Ancient words and then said she was the reason I was here. What do you think that means?"

"I don't know but let's not panic just yet," John replied. "What were the Ancient words?"

"Ah – nativitas, commissio and originis," I recited. "The first word means birth. The second one could mean perpetration or execution but it also means action. The last one, originis is like the source or the beginning but it can also mean ancestor."

"Does make for some interesting interpretations doesn't it?" John commented without any obvious worry in his tone. "Did you try to get the hologram to reappear?"

"I thought I'd wait for you to get here," I admitted.

"Okay, well give it a try now," John instructed, stepping back to give me space at the dais.

Hesitantly I put my hands on the console again and said the words "ego quaeso regimen ex preteritus."

Nothing happened.

"Try it again in English," John suggested.

"I seek guidance from the past," I said firmly, looking down at my hands in anticipation. Again nothing. "It's not gonna work," I announced grimly. "Great – now I'll look like a complete nut job when the others find out about this."

"I don't think we should tell them," John countered. "It's not clear where the message came from but it wouldn't be a bad guess to assume it was meant specifically for you. Maybe it's because I'm here now that it's not reconnecting you or maybe you only get the one shot at it ... in either case I can't see the point in having Rodney down here poking around in the systems when we both know he won't find anything."

"I guess not," I agreed hesitantly. "Are we allowed to keep stuff like that to ourselves?"

"This from the girl who kept a Wraith killing machine _and_ her own nanite production line a secret from everyone," John pointed out teasingly. "Don't worry about it – I think Carter will understand why you didn't offer this one up should it prove relevant in the future. Come on, I'll walk you back to your lab."

"I don't mind telling you this is all freaking me out a bit," I admitted once we were in my lab with the door closed. "First that thing with Jennifer and the Pegasus virus antibodies and now the hologram program suggesting I'm here for a reason? Doesn't that worry you a little?"

"Maybe," John admitted in return. "I don't know what we can do about it though ... apart from you going back to the hologram room in a few days and trying to get back that connection so you can ask more questions. Let's wait for that before we decide on a course of action here."

"You're right," I agreed. "I need more answers before I can figure this out. Thanks John."

"All part of the service," John quipped with a pleased smile.

"Well come over here and get your reward kiss," I ordered with a smile of my own. "That's part of _my_ service."

"Yes ma'am," John gave me a mock salute that had us both laughing.

oOo

John and I were on our way to breakfast a few mornings later when Colonel Carter caught up with us just before we entered the transporter.

"Colonel," she called out. John stopped, pulling me around with him so we'd be facing Sam. "I was just coming to see you. Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," John shared a puzzled look with me, Sam's concerned demeanour sending out the red flags.

"I received a message from Stargate Command," she said, looking at John intently. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Okay," John tensed but otherwise gave no reaction.

"Your father suffered a heart attack last night," Sam announced compassionately.

My eyes shot to John immediately, and I could feel my insides plummet as he looked at Sam with a dazed expression, poised for the rest.

"I'm sorry, John, but he passed away," Sam finished sadly.

John said nothing, his face wiped of all expression and his eyes stony. Not sure what to do myself I stepped closer and put my hand gently into his. He squeezed tightly for a moment and then held on, waiting to hear what Sam would say next.

"Your brother got the message through to the SGC via your old unit commander at Peterson," Sam explained. "You have plenty of time to get to the wake, even with the 24 hour quarantine on Midway, so I've cleared you and Sabina to take as much time back on Earth as you need."

"Thanks Sam," I spoke for both of us when the silence extended beyond what was comfortable for any of us.

"Ah, yeah," John cleared his throat and swallowed hard before speaking. "Thanks Colonel."

"Let me know it there's anything else I can do," Sam replied, giving us both a sympathetic look before turning and leaving us standing in the corridor.

"Let's go," I pulled on John's hand, dragging him around and back towards our quarters. John didn't protest, letting me guide him, obviously distracted by his thoughts.

Once we were inside John dropped down to the bed, lying fully stretched with a hand over his eyes.

"It sucks to lose a parent," I sat next to him, drawing my legs up to so I could face him. "I'm guessing that applies even if you weren't close and haven't spoken to them for a long time. Maybe even more so."

"You're not gonna do the 'so sorry for your loss' speech?" John asked in surprise, taking the hand away so he could make eye contact.

"I never understood why people say that," I replied, happy to let John distract himself with more general conversation. "That's one of the things I remember from when my adoptive parents were killed. Everyone was telling me how sorry they were and all I could think was that it was hardly their fault unless they thought they could have done something to make it different. In the end I decided that what they were really saying was that they felt sorry _for_ me – and I didn't want their pity."

"I never thought about it like that," John nodded in understanding.

"I do feel for you though," I said softly. "I can take a stab at some of what you're thinking right now. You might not have recent memories to dwell on but I bet a few from before things got so screwed up are doing the rounds in your head, along with the 'should I regret anything?' conversation you'd be having with yourself. Maybe you're even kicking yourself you didn't try to fix things but you thought you had all the time in the world."

John looked at me in mute disbelief so at least some of what I'd said must have been accurate.

"Oh, and I'm forgetting the parts that make you feel really selfish," I added. "Wishing that you didn't have to put yourself through a funeral you could easily do without plus in your case dread because you'll have to confront a whole bunch of people you didn't like under the best of circumstances and pretend you're happy to see them. I'm guessing you're almost hoping right now for an urgent mission that means you can legitimately get out of it."

"I never realised I was quite so transparent," John muttered, putting his arm back over his eyes so I couldn't see his expression.

"You're not," I said bluntly. Shifting to lie down beside him I insinuated myself into his space and reached up to draw his arm down around me. "Everything I said could just as easily describe my own feelings," I offered softly, laying my head on his chest with a sigh. "I wish I'd pushed you to tell me about your family, told you that I really wanted to meet your Dad even though I understood you had issues. Then I'd have some memories of my own rather than a big load of regret that I never got to meet him, even if it was only to confirm that you were right to cut him out of your life."

"I'm sorry," John said in a low tone tightening his arm around me.

"I don't want you to be sorry about that," I countered. "I could have asked you to tell me what happened with your Dad ages ago but I didn't because I didn't think it was my place. Only now am I thinking that it actually was ... if I'd had the nerve to take it. That's where the selfish thoughts come in because if I'm honest part of the reason for not pushing it was because I let nerves get the better of me."

"Nerves?" John shifted to look down at me in surprise. "You?"

"Of course me," I said somewhat irritably. "I think it's only natural that I worried your family wouldn't like me or that they'd secretly be thinking that Nancy was a much better match for you."

"Sabina," John protested with a half laugh. "That's just ridiculous. No one would think like that!"

"You'd be surprised," I muttered before continuing with what I'd wanted to get across. "I can't deny that I felt nervous, or that I still do thinking about going back to Earth with you for this."

"You don't have to come with me," John offered.

"I know," I agreed, "but I want to just the same. I'd never let you do something like this alone anyway so don't bother saying anything else."

"It will be difficult," John admitted, "and I _am_ thinking an urgent mission would be a convenient out but ... I still have family and ... I guess I do need the whole 'closure' thing with my Dad."

"It'll help," I agreed simply. Turning so it was me leaning over him I leant down and kissed him gently, hoping he'd get the compassion and understanding and support I was offering without putting it into words. Breaking away I sat up again and slapped his leg in a 'get moving' gesture. "We should pack," I said, getting up to pull out a bag for us.

We'd packed most of what we needed before the door chime interrupted us. John went to answer it while I continued with the last few items.

"Hey," Rodney greeted John awkwardly. "I, uh, heard what happened. I'm very sorry."

"Thanks," John motioned for Rodney to come in, moving back to the bed and handing me more things to pack.

"You okay?" Rodney asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," John insisted.

"You know, I requested to go back with you, but the Ancient device at M7G-677 is still malfunctioning," Rodney offered.

"I thought you went back and fixed it," I commented with a frown.

"It was only a temporary patch," Rodney admitted. "I thought it'd hold for longer than this but it didn't."

"So you're off to spend more time with the kids," John commented.

"Yeah," Rodney grimaced at the thought.

"Well, that should be fun for you," John quipped.

"Yeah, well, believe me, I'd get out of it if I could, but without the E.M. field they're an easy target for the Wraith," Rodney pointed out. "I guess it's just bad timing."

"Hey, don't worry about it," John insisted. "Sabina and I will be fine doing this together."

"I'll look after him," I told Rodney with a smile.

Rodney stood awkwardly looking from John to me and back again before he spoke again. "If you wanna ... you know ... talk or ...," he offered uncertainly.

"Rodney. I'm fine," John insisted again. I almost scoffed aloud at that because everyone in that room knew John _wasn't_ fine – he didn't want to talk about it with Rodney and I could understand that – he was still working out how to feel about it himself and it was too soon to attempt to describe that to anyone else.

"Right," Rodney nodded, hesitated again as though about to say something else. In the end he gave up with an uncomfortable cough, turning and leaving the room without another word.

"I'm gonna have to put up with a lot of that, aren't I?" John commented grimly.

"More than you could ever want," I confirmed. "They all mean well ... they just want you to know they care about you."

"I guess," John looked around the room once before picking up our bag in one hand and holding out his other hand to me. "Time to go."

We walked all the way to the Gateroom like that, standing silent as the dialling sequence began. A moment before the wormhole was established Ronon walked over to stand beside us, bag in hand.

"Where are you goin'?" John looked at him in surprise.

"With you," Ronon's tone shouted 'don't even think about arguing.'

The kawhoosh shot out from the Stargate before settling into its usual shimmery puddle. Ronon didn't even wait for a response, walking resolutely through the event horizon.

John looked at me with a raised brow.

"I guess he doesn't think I'm enough protection for you," I shrugged philosophically. "I won't take that personally."

"Or maybe he thinks you need support too," John suggested.

"Maybe," I agreed tugging on John's hand to get us moving. We walked through the Stargate together.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 46_


	56. That wasn’t as bad as I expected

**Chapter 46: That wasn't as bad as I expected**

The twenty four hours on Midway passed too slowly, John and I both conscious of the delay in getting him where he needed to be and how it would seem to his brother that it took so long for us to get there. Which raised a question I hadn't even thought to ask before.

"Do they know about me?" I asked John. We were pretty much smack in the middle of the designated night time hours although neither of us was sleeping. The rooms on Midway were tiny and the beds tinier still but I'd insisted on sharing with John anyway. He hadn't protested the exceptionally close quarters when I'd spooned myself into him - my back to his chest - and pulled his arms around me, so I'd decided he was happy for the comfort.

"Um ... are you gonna be annoyed if I say no?" John asked reluctantly, his breath wafting through my hair and giving me a nice tingly feeling.

"Well that answers my question," I said in amusement. "I'm not annoyed – I was just wondering how you were going to handle it if you hadn't told anyone you got married again."

"I _intended_ to tell them," John excused with a pained expression, "just ... when the time seemed right."

"It's okay," I hugged his arms into me reassuringly. "If it makes it any easier you don't even have to go down that road. I wouldn't mind ... now hardly seems like the right time for that kind of news."

"I'll introduce you as my wife," John said firmly. "I haven't spoken to Dave in years – he probably won't even be surprised."

"Okay," I agreed, not sure he was right about that.

Silence reigned for a while before John spoke again.

"I was thinking about what you said," he said in a low tone, "about questioning whether I have any regrets. You know I left to join the air force against my father's wishes ... he had a different future mapped out for me before I'd even finished high school and no matter how hard I tried to get through to him, to explain what I wanted, he just wouldn't listen. He thought he knew what was best for me. We didn't fall out completely over that though. That happened after my Mom ... died."

I was so close to him it seemed I could feel his emotions too – the grief over his mother still so fresh that it had John swallowing back tears.

"You don't have to tell me this now," I said softly, feeling the sadness welling for him because of parental experiences that weren't what they should have been.

"She was sick but he didn't tell me until it was too late for me to get back," John continued like I hadn't even spoken. "Nancy knew but we were already having problems – she was pissed at all the secrets, at the way I'd have to just leave with no notice and no explanation. She said she _tried_ to reach me but ... it felt like payback, like punishment because I was never open with her. I was so angry ... with her, with my father, with everything. I guess my Dad was too because he didn't take kindly to me railing over not getting to say goodbye to Mom – said my air force career had always been the most important thing to me and that I should just go away and concentrate on that. He had Dave to run the business and look after everything ... he didn't need me. So I did ... I left and I never went back, never contacted him again."

"You think that was what he really wanted?" I asked when he didn't say any more.

"I've believed it for the past six years," John said simply. "I thought I was doing exactly what he wanted. Should I be regretting that I went along with it without protesting? I don't know."

"Is that when you split up with Nancy too?" I asked, thinking that was a lot of emotional stress in a very short space of time.

"We limped along for another year or so," John admitted, "but I was hardly there and everything only got worse. In the end I came home from a mission to an empty house and a set of divorce papers. Can't argue with that – not that I wanted to by that stage. Last time I spoke to her was just before I left for Antarctica – she always got on really well with my Dad and I knew she still saw him from time to time so I asked her to keep an eye on him, get in contact with me if there was something I should know."

"You still cared even though you thought he'd forced you to leave," I pointed out gently, seeing clearly that if he'd felt enough to set that up then he was hurting a lot more than he was letting on.

"Dumb huh?" John tried to sound casual but the slight quaver in his voice gave him away.

"Never," I said firmly, pulling his arms even tighter around me and squeezing hard.

John nestled his head in close to mine, letting out his breath in a rush and then inhailing deeply to replace it. We did the calm, even breathing thing together in the silence until sleep came to claim us.

oOo

From Midway we arrived on Earth and from there took a flight to Richmond, Kentucky. John hired a car and drove us to a large property a few miles from the city. It was beautiful, green and picturesque, with a tree lined drive leading to a huge ranch style house complete with large stables and actual horses. It was a lot bigger than I'd been expecting even with the impression I'd gotten via Walker on the Sheppard family capacity to pay out a kidnapping demand.

"This is it?" I asked nervously when John pulled up behind a train of other upmarket cars.

"This is it," John agreed, looking across at Ronon who'd been taking it all in from his position in the back seat. "You ready to experience more of our weird planet?"

"Lead the way," Ronon replied.

John pulled on his suit jacket to straighten it out before holding out a hand to me. I was wearing a simple black dress which now seemed too simple in comparison to the apparel I'd already spied on men and women alike. We walked towards the house slowly, part of the crowd milling around the property.

"Lot of people," Ronon commented.

"Yeah," John agreed, looking around without seeming like he recognised anyone. "The old man was pretty well connected."

I knew immediately when John saw someone he _did_ know – he straightened and held on to my hand just that little bit tighter as a man in a suit came down the steps and walked towards us.

"John," the man greeted him simply.

"Dave," John replied in the same even tone. _This_ was his brother? I looked closer but I couldn't really see the resemblance. I knew John looked like his mother and guessed Dave must take after his father.

"I wasn't sure you were gonna make it," Dave commented, holding out his hand. John let go of mine to complete the handshake. "It's good to see you," Dave continued. "I contacted your unit commander at Peterson but sometimes those messages don't seem to reach you."

"Well, I came as soon as I heard," John explained.

Dave nodded and an awkward silence threatened to descend. Then Dave looked at Ronon and I with a curious expression.

"Ah ... sorry ... this is Ronon," John started with the easy introduction first. "Ronon - this is Dave, my brother."

Dave held out his hand, waiting until Ronon had shaken it in a way that made it obvious he wasn't accustomed to the hand shake greeting - at least to me anyway.

"Yeah. Nice to meet you," Ronon said awkwardly.

"Pleasure," Dave returned. "You work with John in the Air Force?

"He's a civilian contractor," John explained dismissively.

"Right," Dave looked at Ronon with a hint of disbelief. "And you are?" he turned his gaze to me with a raised eyebrow.

"_Sorry_," John grabbed my hand again and drew me forward. "This is Sabina. Sabina Sheppard ... my wife."

"You got _married_?" Dave seemed more than a little shocked by that news.

"Yeah, earlier this year," John agreed simply.

"And of course you didn't bother to tell anyone!" Dave turned away, gazing out over the lawn at the milling crowd, his shoulders tense with anger. I wanted to jump to John's defence ... explain the circumstances ... but it didn't seem apppropriate. And besides, what _could_ we say that wouldn't sound contrived and needlessly cryptic because of secrets that couldn't be revealed?

"Would you _really_ have been interested?" John returned, angry himself. "Dad made his wishes pretty damn clear Dave!"

"You've been gone a long time John," Dave turned back and looked at John sadly.

"Well, it's too late to do anything different now," John pointed out. "And Sabina wasn't a part of that."

"You're right - my apologies," Dave recovered quickly, turning to me graciously. "It _is_ nice to meet you Sabina," he held out a hand and I stepped forward to shake it quickly before shifting back beside John. "I regret that it couldn't have been under happier circumstances."

"It's nice to meet you too," I replied as sincerely as I could. "I know this must be a difficult time for you."

"Yes," Dave agreed. "Anyway, John, I think we should probably talk."

"Yeah," John agreed reluctantly.

"I'll catch up with you later," Dave promised before turning and walking back across the lawn.

"That wasn't as bad as I expected," I said as soon as he was out of ear shot. I don't know why I'd been nervous ... Dave hardly even saw me, all his attention focussed on his brother and the history between them.

"Dave is nothing if not civilised and controlled," John said a bit snidely. "We should ...," he trailed off with a gesture to the stairs and the house they led to.

oOo

We'd been at the house about half an hour without John seeing anyone else he knew. The only difficult part had been when I'd accompanied John to stand before his father's closed coffin in one of the rooms leading off to the courtyard. There were flowers and a large picture of Patrick Sheppard proudly displayed. I looked at that photo closely, trying to deduce something of the man in the image of him left behind. All I could conclude was that I'd been right ... John looked nothing like his father.

I remained quietly by John's side as he stood there contemplating that coffin. I don't know what was going through his head but at the very least he'd have closure from the point of view of believing his father was really gone. It was a confronting image – I wasn't sure why it was customary to display the dead like that because it seemed to create the wrong lasting image in ones head. Surely you'd want to be left with a happier picture in mind, rather than that dismal and depressing canvas?

"Let's go and find Ronon," John announced, giving the coffin one final glance before turning resolutely away.

"You okay?" I asked as we made our way back across the lawn. I spotted Ronon at the catering table loading up a plate so we moved off out of the way to wait for him.

"I don't know," John admitted. "He's been gone to me for years so I shouldn't feel any different right?"

"The possibility for reconciliation was always there," I pointed out gently. "Now it's not – that's a big difference you need to give yourself time to get used to. And he _was_ your father John ... no matter how things stood between you at the end that's a place in your heart no one else can ever fill."

"Yeah," John agreed roughly. He might have said more but for Ronon's approach and interruption.

"Lots of food over there," Ronon joined us, talking around a full mouth.

"I'm good," John said with an amused look at Ronon's overflowing plate.

"This the house you were raised in?" Ronon asked curiously.

"One of them," John agreed. "It's nice but ... I couldn't wait to get out of here."

"Why?" Ronon looked at John with interest.

"He had everything planned out for me since I was about fourteen," John tried to explain. "I couldn't get him to see that I wanted something different. We just ... we could never get around that."

"So what do we do now?" Ronon looked around at the milling crowd.

"Mostly people sit around, drink ... eat – some more than others," John looked down at Ronon's plate in amusement. "Mostly they talk. They don't know what to say, but they talk."

"Dave seems to be handling it well," I nodded over to where John's brother was laughing with a group of businessmen.

"That's what he does – he handles things," John replied complacently.

"How come you never mentioned him to the rest of us?" Ronon asked, working out that I at least had known John had a brother back on Earth.

"It's complicated," John returned evasively.

"You don't know any of these people?" I asked curiously.

"Haven't been here in more than ten years," John replied simply. "Even then I was never interested in all the wining and dining." John looked like he'd been about to say something else but then he froze, his face a mix of dread and disbelief. I followed the direction of his eyes and saw a woman in a simple black dress approaching us.

"Great," John muttered under his breath.

"Who is it?" I asked in concern.

"Nancy," John looked at me apologetically. Turning to Ronon he explained. "I told you I'd been married before, right?"

"Yeah, why?" Ronon asked expectantly.

"My ex-wife is here," John announced. "She's on her way over." Grabbing my hand again John turned resolutely to face her.

"Hi, John," Nancy said casually. She was average height, maybe a couple of years younger than John and pretty – damn it!

"Nancy," John returned the greeting just as casually. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Nancy moved a step closer as though she'd been about to hug John, saw the way he was holding onto me and stopped, offering her hand instead. John took it reluctantly, shaking her hand quickly before letting go.

"I'm very sorry," Nancy said sincerely, stepping back and looking at Ronon and I.

"Ah Nancy, Ronon. Ronon, Nancy," John made that introduction first, waiting while they did a hand shake, nice to meet you greeting. "And this is Sabina ... Sheppard." He let Nancy make her own conclusions from that.

"You got married again?" Nancy asked weakly, her surprise cutting off any kind of courtesy greeting directly to me.

"Ah yeah," John agreed. "Earlier this year. I probably should have ...," he trailed off with a vague wave of his hand.

"You never told your Dad either?" Nancy queried, the look on her face saying she wasn't surprised. She probably thought it was John and his secrets again and I really wished I could have disabused her of that notion ... if not for the whole national security thing. It was one of those times when keeping the secret was _so_ difficult ... having information that would put Nancy and her assumptions about John's life in their place but not being able to use it. It was frustrating but ... giving Nancy the benefit of the doubt I listened without comment to their conversation.

"I meant to," John said a bit defensively, "the next time we got leave."

"You're in the air force too?" Nancy looked at me in surprise.

"No," I replied openly. "I'm a civilian stationed at the same base where John works."

"Oh, of course," Nancy nodded, still looking a bit dazed that John's circumstances were not what she'd obviously assumed they'd be. "And what do you do there?"

"A variety of things," I replied evasively. "Research mostly ... translating, that kind of thing."

"How long're you here?" John changed the subject before Nancy could ask more questions.

"Just for today," Nancy replied. "I have to be in Washington tomorrow, so ..."

"Still with Homeland Security?" John queried. That had me raising an eyebrow – I hadn't known John's ex had such close ties to the Stargate program. It wasn't inconceivable that if she got high enough up the ladder she'd eventually find out what John had been doing the past three and a half years. Part of me actually wanted that just for the impact it would have ... and of course because it would prove her views about John to be as wrong as they could possibly be! It was petty but to my mind completely understandable ... even though without Nancy being the way she'd been with John they might never had ended up as ex spouses ... which would have left me ... nowhere.

"Yeah. I just got promoted. I'm a director now," Nancy explained with just a hint of self pride.

"Oh, congratulations," John returned awkwardly. I could see him scrambling around mentally, trying to come up with something else to say. "How's – how's Greg?" he finally asked.

"Grant," Nancy corrected simply.

"_Nice one John_" I thought, "_forgetting the ex-wife's new husband's name!_" There was no cliché in that, right?!

"Grant," John repeated apologetically. Ronon must have found the cliché amusing too because he moved out of hearing range, focusing on his plate rather than on what John was doing. I wasn't sure I shouldn't have made myself scarce too ... when I made to pull my hand away from John's he clamped down tightly, answering that question for me. He didn't want to be standing there talking to Nancy alone, even though I had nothing to add to the conversation.

"He would have come, but he's trying a case in Phoenix," Nancy explained her husband's absence. "You know, your dad was always very good to me."

"Yeah well I was pretty convinced for a while there that he liked you more than me," John quipped. "Certainly approved of you more. He didn't blame you for not settling me down."

"You seem pretty settled now," Nancy commented.

"I am," John agreed with conviction.

"I'm happy for you," Nancy said with a smile. "It's good to see you again, John. Take care of yourself." Looking at me she smiled again. "It was a pleasure to meet you Sabina."

"You too Nancy," I smiled back, relieved the awkward conversation looked to be over.

"It's nice to meet you," Nancy called over to Ronon.

"Oh, it's nice to meet you," Ronon repeated awkwardly.

And that was it – Nancy turned and walked away.

"Drink?" I looked at John with understanding.

"God yes," John agreed fervently. "Come on buddy – let's go find the bar."

oOo

We walked into the bar and across to the counter but before we could ask for anything a young woman approached us.

"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard?" she asked.

"Yes," John looked across at her without expression.

"My name is Ava Dixon," she introduced herself. Looking at Ronon and I she continued. "I know that you're Sabina Sheppard and you must be Ronon.

"Do I know you?" John asked with a frown."

"No, we've never met, but you knew the man I used to work for – Henry Wallace," Ava threw that familiar name down expectantly.

"Doesn't ring a bell," John lied with a shrug.

"Look, I realise you have to keep up appearances in public, but I don't have time to play games," Ava leaned in close and spoke quietly. "Henry Wallace was the man who kidnapped your colleague, Doctor Rodney McKay, and forced him to work on a highly illegal research project involving alien technology ..."

Before she could continue John reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her in closer. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"We need to talk, but not here," Ava insisted.

"Okay, then where?" John let her go, crossing his arms and looking at her grimly.

"There's a coffee shop in town we could use," Ava suggested.

"Fine, we'll take you there," John motioned for Ronon and I to precede him out the door. We walked across the garden towards where John had parked the car. There were still a number of people standing around outside, including John's brother. When he spotted Dave, John stopped with a sigh, handing over his keys to me.

"I should speak to him," John announced. "Take her to the car."

Nodding reluctantly I followed Ronon and Ava, glancing back to see John and Dave talking. It didn't take long – when John got to the car he looked troubled and somewhat annoyed too.

"You okay?" I asked softly, watching him start the car and pull out of the drive.

"You mean apart from the fact that Dave thinks I came back because of the money?" John laughed grimly. "Kinda funny given what happened the last time we were back here, don't you think?"

"He doesn't know you anymore if he thinks that," I said firmly.

"Six years doesn't change the core of a person," John refused to let his brother off the hook.

"He's angry too," I pointed out gently. "He seems too ... civilised to just blast you with a few curses ... maybe his comment was driven by that more than what he knows or doesn't know about you."

"Maybe," John conceded reluctantly. Looking in the rear view mirror he made eye contact with Ava. "Where's this coffee shop?"

With Ava directing we journeyed into Richmond and to an out of the way cafe on a quiet city street. It was late and all the lights from restaurants and clubs glittered in the dusk darkness. We all sat at a table and waited for Ava to speak.

"I would have come to you sooner, but you were a hard man to find," Ava began.

"All right, you've got our attention," John returned. "What's this all about?"

What it was about was not what any of us had expected. Ava had been working with a Doctor Richard Poole indirectly for Devlin Medical Technologies – you guessed it, on nanite based research. And not at the individual nanite level like Henry Wallace's work. No, they'd been working on creating a human form Replicator, not one that could self replicate but that hardly made it right. Ava had believed the research to be authorised because Poole had been like a father to her until the day he'd come to the lab and tried to shut the whole thing down, including the Replicator.

"He killed to escape," Ava explained. "If he's threatened, he could kill again. You have to do something."

"You're telling me there's a Replicator loose on Earth?" John stared at her grimly.

"That's right," Ava confirmed.

"How long?" Ronon asked.

"Well, he escaped three weeks ago," Ava admitted. "We've been working on a way to track him, but so far had no success. He could be anywhere by now."

"We should be able to speed that up," John pulled out his cell phone and dialled the SGC. "First we need to pick up Poole."

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 47_


	57. I could review the file for you

**Chapter 47: I suppose I could review the file for you**

Up on the Apollo it was all action as John and Ronon prepared to storm Stanton Research and grab Ava's mentor and all the data files about the Replicator. They didn't even change, just went back down there in the same clothes they'd worn for the wake. There wasn't really anything for me to do except watch and wait for them to get back.

It didn't take long ... only minutes after they'd beamed down to the research facility they were back with a reluctant and protesting Richard Poole in custody.

"What now?" I asked John, standing just inside the doorway of the area where he, Ronon and Ava were meeting.

"Now we get Poole to give us the codes to unlock his data files so we can track the Replicator," John announced.

"You think he'll do that voluntarily?" I queried sceptically.

"Probably not," John admitted, "which is why the SGC recalled Doctor Lee from vacation."

"Poor him," I commented, feeling genuinely sorry for Bill. When it looked like John was going to return to discussions with Ava I put a hand on his arm to hold him back. "Listen, there's nothing I can do to help with this search, right?"

"Not really. I could get them to beam you back to the hotel," John offered. "I don't know how long it'll take us to finish this so you might be waiting a while."

"I could use the time to do a little digging of my own," I suggested, looking at him almost pleadingly. "Who knows when I'm gonna get another chance to be back here like this."

"You want to go check out that address Rodney gave you?" John offered.

"You brought the note with you?" I asked in surprise, only continuing when he nodded his assent. "I don't think I'm ready for that but ... I _could_ use the time to look into my adoption records. We've got the hire car," I pointed out. "I could drive to Washington and be back before you have a chance to miss me."

"It's an eight hour drive from Richmond to Washington," John pointed out. "I'll get the Apollo to beam you closer in the morning."

"What, car and all?" I asked in surprise.

"Size matters not," John quipped his Yoda impersonation with a grin. "I'll go speak to Colonel Ellis."

"Thanks John," I hugged him quickly and then let him go.

"Go get some sleep," John urged. "I'll be with you in an hour or so."

Knowing he'd convince the Colonel to help me out I rushed off to the quarters we'd been assigned to organise my gear, mind churning so much it was hard to get to sleep. John eventually arrived and finally, with his arms around me close in the darkness, did I let my mind rest, hoping my presence was doing the same for him.

I hadn't forgotten what we were there for ... my concern over John and how he was handling his grief ever present. But he was completely focused on the Replicator problem, maybe using it to distract himself or just as likely purposefully pushing it to the background so he could do his job. I had to respect that so for the moment I let everything else settle into the background too, to be dealt with again once the current concerns were resolved.

oOo

The Apollo beamed me down to the hotel first the next morning so I could pick up the rest of our things - we'd spent only the time it took to register there before heading to the funeral the previous day and no time since then so it was no wonder the clerk at the desk gave me a strange look when I checked us out.

John and Ronon were also heading out that morning to search for the Replicator in the square of buildings and warehouses that Doctor Lee had identified as it's location. Sitting in the rental car a few miles out from the hotel I waited for them to beam me across three states in the blink of an eye, without anyone bearing witness. It was a little freaky I'll admit but also kind of cool to be sitting in the driver's seat in Kentucky one second and then be in Washington D.C. the next. Grinning to myself I put the car into gear and pulled out onto the road, heading into the city.

My first stop would be to check out the legal firm that had handled my adoption. If I could find out what I needed without having to resort to Rodney's note – meaning a possible confrontation with people I wasn't sure I even wanted to meet – then all the better.

An hour later I arrived at the law offices where Roger Scott had practiced law twenty years before. Scott and Sloan Associates. It was still there, a fact that thrilled me on the most basic level. Roger would have been happy to see the firm he'd help create still going strong three decades later.

Walking into reception I looked around curiously, hoping it would seem familiar. Of course after so long the place had probably gone through more than one revamp and looked modern and nothing like I remembered. Noticing a plaque on the wall near the door I moved over to have a quick look, delaying that moment when I'd have to start explaining what I was doing there.

"_In remembrance of Roger John Scott, co founder and friend_." It was dated just a few months after the accident. I stood for a moment just staring at the words, memories bubbling to the surface along with a sheen of tears.

'Sabina?" a male voice asked hesitantly from behind me.

Quickly wiping my eyes I turned around with a forced smile that turned instantly genuine when I realised who'd called my name. He was in his late fifties with the requisite greying hair and slight paunch but his blue eyes still twinkled as I remembered them.

"Mr Sloan," I took the hand he held out and shook it firmly. "I can't believe you recognised me after so long!"

"There's still enough of that little girl in you, the one who used to treat this office like her own personal play house," Jason Sloan returned fondly. "I'm sorry I lost track of you after the accident."

"It's okay," I dismissed lightly.

"It's not," Jason replied firmly. "I don't know if they ever told you but I tried to get them to release you into my custody. At the time a single male with no child rearing experience was low down on the list of suitable foster parents."

"They didn't tell me," I admitted sadly. "I'm sorry I never kept in touch Mr Sloan. It was ... tough the first few years. I ah ... this place held a lot of memories I couldn't handle at the time."

"Please, call me Jason," he invited, looking at me with a curious expression. "What brings you back here now?"

"I was hoping you'd be able to help me with something," I explained.

"Come back to my office," Jason invited, putting a hand under my arm to guide me down the corridor.

"This place has changed so much," I commented, looking around his office with interest. Noticing the family portrait picture on his desk I smiled. "You finally settled down?"

"You still remember how your Dad used to tease me about that?" Jason asked in surprise.

"Of course," I smiled. "That along with all the other things you used to rib each other about."

"He was a great friend," Jason said softly. "The best I'll ever have."

"I appreciate the plaque," I smiled a bit tearfully. "I know he would have too, especially after all this time."

"You don't forget friends like Roger," Jason said simply. "Now tell me, what can I help you with?"

"I need to see my adoption record," I launched straight in without laying any ground work.

"If you're looking to find your natural parents I'm not sure the file will help," Jason replied. "I handled the details for your parents and while I can't remember the specifics I know an extensive search was done before the adoption went through. They didn't find much – certainly not enough to chase your biological parents up for legal action."

"Can I look at the file?" I asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Sabina," Jason said apologetically. "The adoption was registered here which means the only way for you to gain access is through a court order."

"But there weren't any birth parents around to insist on a closed adoption," I said incredulously. "Who are we protecting?"

"There might not be specifics but something in that file could lead you to them just the same," Jason explained.

"They abandoned _me_!" I said, starting to feel angry, "and they're the ones that get the protection? How is that fair?"

"It's not," Jason said simply. "But it _is_ the law and I can't go against that. I'm sorry."

"Could you look at it then?" I persisted. "All I want to know is if there's anything in the file worth following up. If there is I can do the whole court order thing."

"I suppose I could review the file for you," Jason agreed thoughtfully. "That far back the files would probably be buried deep in basement storage but I can get someone to go down there, search it out ... I should have something for you within a couple of days. Where are you staying?"

"I haven't picked anywhere yet," I replied without thinking, getting a frown when he realised my first stop had been his office. "I'll check in with you tomorrow and let you know where you can contact me."

"We have a spare room," Jason began before I held up a hand.

"That's very generous but I 'm not planning on staying that long," I said evasively, hardly able to tell him that actually I already had a room up on an orbiting space ship.

"Will you at least be stopping by the cemetery?" Jason raised an eyebrow when I grimaced at the thought.

"I should, I know," I acknowledged, standing and moving over to look out his window. "They're not there though ... I used to go when the first foster parents let me but ... it was hard enough to hold on to their images in my head without putting those headstones in there as well."

"They loved you, you know," Jason came over and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I know," I agreed.

"They were so happy when you came along and gave them a chance to be parents," Jason continued. "Without you they would never have experienced that. Gwen was just as giddy as any mother when they were preparing to bring you home from the hospital. They never regretted making a place for you into their lives."

"Thank you," I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the view so I wouldn't have to look at him and let him see that even after all this time thoughts of Gwen and Roger could still bring me to tears. He let me compose myself in companionable silence, understanding without me needing to say anything.

Sighing softly I turned to him with a grateful smile. "I should let you get back to work." Stopping by his desk I carefully wrote down the cell phone numbers of both the phones John and I had appropriated, hoping I wouldn't have to wait too long to hear back from him.

"It was wonderful to see you Sabina," Jason reached out to hold my hands, one in each of his. "I always wondered how you'd turned out, if you were okay."

"I wasn't for a long time," I admitted. Pulling my left hand free I held it up so he could see my ring finger. "I am now ... finally found somewhere I belong and someone to belong with."

"That's great!" Jason smiled proudly. "You never said what you do ... what does your husband do?"

"He's a Lieutenant Colonel," I smiled at the look of surprise on Jason's face. "Air force fly boy," I added with grin. "He's stationed somewhere very remote but I managed to get a civilian post there – doing research and translating plus a bit of computer work. The only down side is we don't get to the States very often."

"Well that's just great," Jason said again. "I hope if you're out this way on your next visit you'll bring your husband in to say hello."

"John's busy with work or he'd be here now," I explained. "I can't promise I'll be out this way any time soon but sure, if we find ourselves near here we'll stop by."

"In the meantime I'll let you know if I find anything that would make a court order worthwhile," Jason promised, turning to escort me from his office.

Five minutes later I stood out on the pavement, looking up at that building and wondering if there really was anything in my file worth looking at. If I were to believe the vision Davos had given me then I would get to see it as some stage although the circumstances for getting to that point weren't clear from what I'd seen.

Pulling out my cell phone I dialled the SGC and asked to speak to Walter.

"Mrs Sheppard ma'am," Walter greeted me with his usual brisk manner.

"Hi Walter," I greeted him in return. "I was wondering if you could check something out for me. I might need a court order to get access to my own birth records. Is that something the air force can expedite?"

"I'll need to look into it," Walter advised. "I can call you back when I have something?"

"That would be great," I said thankfully. "In the mean time can you patch a call through to Colonel Sheppard?"

"Of course," Walter replied. "Stand by."

"Sabina," John's voice came through strongly a few seconds later.

"Hey, how's it going up there?" I asked.

"Slowly," John admitted. "It takes time to evacuate five city blocks without alerting the target but we're almost set to head out. How are things at your end?"

"Adoption records are sealed here," I reported. "Can't access mine without a court order. Walter's checking to see if the air force could put a rush on one. I saw my Dad's old law partner ... brought back a lot of memories."

"You okay?" John asked in concern.

"I guess," I replied. "You?"

"Welcoming the distraction," John admitted. "I'll have to go back and speak to Dave but a little bit of distance after that last conversation won't have done either of us any harm."

"_We'll_ go back and speak to him together," I corrected. "I should be done here in a day or so."

"You still want to pursue this, even though it's proving more difficult than you expected?" John queried.

"Can you truly know where you're going if you don't know where you've come from?" I countered. "I used to think I couldn't which is why I drifted from thing to thing with no purpose. You _know_ I feel differently now – I'm only following this up because I have a bad feeling there's more to this than a standard closed adoption."

"Sure you don't want that address Rodney gave you?" John asked curiously.

"Not yet," I replied. "I know it could turn out to be the easy way but ... what are the chances the same people will be there after thirty years? And if they are, I don't think I'm ready to meet them. I just want the information without having to get all personal about it."

"Fair enough," John agreed. "If you end up with that last resort – I'll go with you."

"Thanks," I smiled fondly, wishing I was up there so I could thank him more personally. "I'll call again when I've made some progress here."

"Likewise," John promised. "Take care of yourself."

"You too!" I signed off, knowing I probably had a goofy grin on my face but not caring if anyone saw.

oOo

With nothing else to do but wait for call backs from Jason and Walter I spent the rest of the day driving around doing a kind of memory lane tour. To be honest nothing really looked that familiar except for the school I'd gone to which seemed to have been frozen in some kind of time warp.

In the hour before twilight I found myself at the cemetery. I spent the time until night fell sitting in a chair across from Gwen and Roger's graves, thinking about life and how different mine could have been if they hadn't been killed. Would I have suffered from such a restless soul, travelled from place to place so frequently? Probably not. It was more likely that I would have settled on some kind of path, studied hard to please them, and be married with kids and living in the suburbs by now. For certain I wouldn't have made that journey to the Pegasus galaxy and John's side. While I regretted their deaths I couldn't regret that ... the string of events that led me there were necessary, no matter how much they'd hurt at the time.

Shivering at the sudden cold I realised I'd been there too long ... it was dark and I had no place to stay so I put in a call to the SCG and five minutes later was beamed back to the Apollo.

"How'd it go today?" I asked John as soon as I'd located him in the ships Mess.

"Not good," John admitted, looking at me closely and then wisely deciding not to comment on how late it was. "Poole tricked us to get to his Replicator without an escort – a costly mistake because the Replicator decided to eliminate him. So now we don't have him and we don't have his codes. Worse than that he must have told it how we were tracking it because that method isn't working anymore. We searched every building twice but didn't find him. In the end I had to ask Nancy for anything she could find out about project Archetype - that's what Poole was calling it."

"You were in Washington too?" I asked in surprise.

"Only for a few minutes," John pointed out. "The Apollo beamed me in and back out again before anyone else knew I was there."

"Is she going to help?" I looked at him curiously.

"Doesn't look like it," John admitted. "She used the opportunity to point out that she no longer had to put up with my secrets."

"Oh," I grimaced at how that would have felt from John's point of view. "That was ... harsh." After the meeting yesterday I'd felt almost benevolent towards John's ex-wife ... not so much now he'd revealed her ungracious behaviour. She hadn't needed to say that ... she could have just told him she was unable to help and left it at that ... particularly given the fact that she _knew_ John was still dealing with his grief.

"I guess," John agreed with a shrug, clearly not wanting to put too much thought into anything Nancy had said.

"So what now?" I queried.

"Bill's still working on the encryption code," John replied. 'Hopefully there'll be something in those files that can help. How did your afternoon go?"

"It didn't," I admitted. "No one's got back to me yet so I spent the time wandering around looking for anything familiar. There wasn't much. I'll head back down tomorrow, maybe check in with my Dad's old partner again and see if he's got anything."

"You look tired," John commented in concern.

"You don't look exactly well rested yourself pal," I replied smartly. "Are you done for the day?"

"I guess," John watched as I stood and held a hand out to him. "Bed time?" he queried with a raised brow.

"Definitely," I returned. "And I don't know about you but I could really use a hug about now."

"That I can accommodate," John promised, putting an arm around me and squeezing fondly.

**Authors Note:**

Working out what happens when in this episode was a nightmare so I made a few executive decisions – one of which being that the scene at the end of their first search for the Replicator and then the following scene where John asks Nancy for information both took place on the same day (Nancy does say two John Sheppard encounters in two days which does support that). It is dusk at the location the Replicator disappeared from and still light in Washington so I'll just assume that was due to shifting time zones – given the Apollo could beam them anywhere instantly.

Thank you to _BlondieChemGirl _and _apishcan18_ for pointing out that Washington State and Washington DC are a LONG way from each other! I plead Australianness as my excuse for this error and have dutifully gone through the chapter correcting it. Washington is Washington DC since I don't think Sabina would add DC to it every time she says it. Also Sheppard's line to Nancy in the previous chapter "Still with Homeland Security? - comes direct from the episode. In the episode in their second encounter Nancy says "You want me to use my security clearance to get you classified information?" on Project Archetype. So although Homeworld Security is the fictional department that deals with the sort of thing covered by this episode I can only conclude that they meant for Nancy to have high enough clearance in general through her role at Homeland Security to get access to the information needed. Thanks to _apishcan18_ again for asking about this.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 48_


	58. You’ll have to come with us

**Chapter 48: You'll have to come with us**

Walter got back to me the next morning when I was sitting in a cafe a few blocks away from my Dad's old office finishing a late breakfast. John had rushed off early in the morning to continue his quest to find the Replicator, leaving me clear to be beamed back down to the surface to hopefully continue mine.

I'd begun by searching the internet for more information on court orders - what I found didn't reassure me because it seemed even with a court order I still might not get access to everything that was in my file. I was at the point of glaring uselessly at my laptop screen in annoyance over my lack of progress when my phone rang.

"Mrs Sheppard," Walter greeted me briskly. "I have some information for you on that court order."

"What did you find out?" I asked hopefully, glancing quickly around the mostly empty restaurant.

"Not a great deal ma'am," Walter admitted. "Court orders for release of records like the ones you want can take anywhere from four to twelve weeks to make it through the system. The air force does have the power to expedite petitions through the courts but usually that's reserved for top level importance, things affecting national security and such."

"Oh," I nodded to myself – not really a surprise. Still, it couldn't hurt to ask. "Is General Landry around?"

"I'll put you through ma'am," Walter replied in a tone that said he'd already anticipated my request.

"Thanks for your help Walter," I said before he transferred me. I waited a few seconds listening to the canned hold music while tapping my foot nervously against my chair.

"Mrs Sheppard," General Landry greeted me pleasantly.

"General Landry, thank you for speaking with me," I began. "I'm not sure if Walter filled you in or not but I was looking to get a court order to open my adoption records. He tells me it's usually a significant wait – I'll be back home long before it's likely to make it to court. Walter mentioned the air force expediting some requests if they're seen as important enough?"

"And you'd like for us to do that in this case," General Landry concluded. "Forgive me for being blunt but you must have had plenty of opportunity over the years to gain access to those records. Why now?"

"I never cared before," I admitted honestly. "Things have happened back home recently that make me think my origins might be a little more important than I've always thought. But I won't know unless I can look at those records."

"Unless you can be a little more specific I don't see that as compelling enough to warrant air force intervention," the General returned in a reasonable tone. "Have you got anything more than vague suspicions?"

"Ah," I thought quickly, wondering if I should tell him what I'd heard in the hologram room. No – John's words about keeping it to ourselves echoed loudly in my head and I decided to respect that. "I'm sorry General, at this stage it really is just a vague feeling. I understand that you can't act on that alone."

"I'm sorry Sabina," General Landry said understandingly. "I can see that this is important to you right now ... if you still want to pursue the court order give the details to Walter. He can progress it in your absence and let you know when the decision is made."

"I appreciate that, thank you General," I signed off feeling more than discouraged. I understood the air force wouldn't see my own little case as being nationally relevant – of course it wasn't! Still it left me with the sense that things were conspiring against me ... a feeling that made me all the more determined to get around them.

Realising I needed to talk to John again, see if he had any other ideas I called Walter back and got him to patch me through to John's cell.

"You have reached the voice mail of Colonel John Sheppard. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Great! I resisted the urge to groan aloud at yet another road block. Leaving a short message that said little more than hello I shoved the phone back in my pocket and sat back, thinking. What now?

I knew I should have just let it drop, bitten the bullet and gotten the address Rodney had given me but I couldn't get that damn Davos vision out of my head. I _had_ seen my file – seen myself looking at it. There had to be a way.

And that's when it hit me ... if I had the guts to do it I _could_ take a peek at my records without the time lag and the whole official route through the courts. Luckily I had my laptop but I needed a couple of other tools before I could execute my plan so I headed out to find the nearest electrical store.

oOo

An hour before close of business I strolled into the offices of Scott and Sloan Associates, walking confidently to the lifts with a friendly smile to the receptionist. She smiled back, obviously recognising me from the previous morning. She didn't question my presence just as I'd assumed, my personal connection to Jason would have been pretty clear from what she'd witnessed the previous morning. She just assumed I was there to see Jason again and let me through without a word.

Inside the lifts I punched the button for the basement, not surprised when it didn't work – of course you'd need special access to get down there. Picking the lowest floor I _could_ get to I rode the lift down, plans bubbling away in my head.

There were a couple of offices down there plus a large law library, luckily all deserted late in the day. And a storage cupboard just the right size for me to hide in through closing time. Settling myself on the floor I sat back for a long uncomfortable wait.

oOo

Waiting until 7:30pm was torture but I daren't move any earlier than that, remembering lawyers were notorious for working late – or at least Roger had been. Groaning as my muscles protested I dragged myself out of the cupboard and quickly across to the door. Looking out into the corridor I relaxed at the deserted feel of the place.

Before I went any further I tried again to get John on his cell without success ... either he was still up on the Apollo or more likely he was involved in something that required communications silence so he'd switched off the phone. At the back of my mind was the vague worry that something had gone wrong because surely by now he'd be wondering where I was but I pushed it into the background for later.

Heading straight for the lifts I called the lift down to me. Once inside rather than push a button I quickly pried off the lift covering and attached some leads from my laptop to the operating controls inside. Crossing my fingers I ran one of the old programs I'd created when I'd been an ethical hacker, hoping it would still prove effective in bypassing the floor control systems.

A few seconds later I was grinning at my success – I now had access to all the floors in the building and only had to push the one I wanted. With any luck they'd be like every other company I'd come across when I'd been in the hacking business, believing that stopping someone from getting to specific floors was all the security they needed.

The basement was dark and creepy, like a maze with its rows and rows of shelves. They had a catalogue system near the door to help find specific files easily but rather than hack into that I shone my torch at the nearest shelf to see what kind of ordering system they were using. Alphabetic by month and year.

Walking slowing down each row of shelves I made my way steadily back in time until I hit the relevant year ... 1974, more specifically December 1974.

Running my finger over the labels on each box I located the 'S' one and pulled it slowly from the shelf, carrying it over to the single desk in the middle of the room. Sitting down I opened the lid. Inside it was just like a filing cabinet draw, with individual files inside, complete with labels. 'Scott' jumped out at me and I felt a sudden apprehension that I was so close to finding out ... well it could be something but it could also be nothing at all.

I opened the file and skimmed through the first page – details about the adoption that I already knew.

Then there was the post adoption birth certificate Gwen and Roger had registered for. There should have been an original birth certificate too but I could understand why there wasn't ... if you were going to abandon your baby at a hospital it stood to reason you wouldn't bother registering that baby's birth first.

It was the next and final sheet that had me sitting up and paying attention. It was the police report on the search they'd done to find my birth mother. What was interesting about it was the comments from the attending officer when they'd marked the file as unsolved.

"This baby might as well have appeared out of nowhere for all the evidence we have to explain where she came from," he'd written. "There were no fingerprints or any other kind of identifying markings on the baby's things or in the room where she was left. The door was locked from the inside ... no windows and no evidence that the lock had been picked or otherwise tampered with. The baby's cries alerted staff to her presence and it took them more than ten minutes to locate the key to what was a little used storage room. Surveillance footage from the surrounding security camera's showed no one entering or leaving that room during the window when the baby must have been left there. Fingerprint analysis against the police, military and FBI databases did not reveal any leads on either parent. With so little to go on we have no choice but to abandon the investigation."

Appeared out of nowhere? That had an ominous ring to it, especially in light of what I'd heard in the Hologram room. It would have been nice if they'd done some kind of DNA search too but that kind of thing didn't come into forensics until the mid to late eighties.

Click.

My eyes shot to the door as it opened, revealing the night security guard doing his rounds.

Crap!

It would have been comic to an observer the way our eyes met in surprise ... the delay before we each reacted.

"Hands up!" the guard ordered, pulling his gun and aiming it straight at me.

"This is ... I can explain," I stood slowly with my hands hovering at head height.

"Tell it to the cops," the guard dismissed ... clearly I wasn't going to be talking him over to my side. "This way." Motioning with his gun he urged me from the room and into the lift, keeping his weapon trained on me the whole time.

On the ground floor he moved to the security desk and called the police.

"Can I at least call someone too?" I asked hopefully.

"Quiet!" the guard ordered grimly. "I'm not letting you touch anything else until the cops get here."

In less time than I'd have imagined two police officers appeared at the doors and were let in by the guard.

"This is her," the guard gestured to me almost proudly. "Caught her down in the basement vandalising some old files when I was doing my first nightly rounds."

"Hey I wasn't vandalising them!" I retorted indignantly.

"What _were_ you doing?" police officer one asked mildly.

"I was ... ah ... I was reading them," I admitted reluctantly. "But it was just the one file and it was about me so really I can't see what the harm is."

"You broke into the building and accessed restricted information," police officer two returned.

"Actually I didn't break in either," I pointed out. "I was in the building before closing and I just didn't leave when everyone else did."

"What's your name?" police officer one requested.

"Sabina," I said slowly. "Sabina Sheppard."

"Well Ms Sheppard," police officer one announced. "You'll have to come with us down to the station."

"Are you gonna charge me?" I cringed at the thought, wondering what John was gonna say when he found out about the mess I'd gotten myself in to.

"We'll need to contact the owners," police officer two replied.

More great news ... now I'd have the disapproval of Jason Sloan to add to what I'd be copping from John. Great going Sabina!

oOo

Let me just say straight up that all my previous thoughts about Earth jails turned out to be completely accurate. If I had a choice I'd be choosing an Ancient jail cell for all my future incarcerations.

It was cold and grey and frankly very worrying to be pacing around in that tiny cell waiting for something to happen. Finally a different police officer arrived and said I could make a call if I wanted. He led me out into a processing area and pointed to the phone. The two policemen I was familiar with were there also, one of them filling in some kind of form while the other stood waiting.

Rather than waste a call on John's cell when he probably wouldn't answer I decided to go through the SGC, crossing my fingers that doing so wasn't going to get me in even more trouble.

"This is Sabina Sheppard," I said casually to the person on phone duty – it was late and contrary to popular belief Walter did actually leave the SGC each night. "Can you patch me through to Colonel Sheppard please?" I noted the way my words caught everyone's attention but there was nothing I could do about it.

"Colonel Sheppard is here on base at the moment," the Sergeant advised. "I'll see if I can locate him ... stand by."

Smiling awkwardly at my audience I tapped a foot impatiently waiting for John to answer.

"Sabina?" John greeted me with a mix of concern and irritation. "I've been trying to call you for hours! Where the hell are you?"

"Ah ... don't get mad okay?" I began, my voice quavering as I braced for his reaction.

"Where are you?" John asked again sternly.

"Washington seventh district precinct," I admitted weakly. "I was ah ... I was arrested for um trespassing and um ... other things."

"What?!" John's voice echoed loudly in my ear and I winced at the anger that came through nice and clearly. "You're in jail?"

"Yes," I confirmed, "and I'd really appreciate it if you could come down here and bail me out."

"I'll be there in five," John hung up abruptly, leaving me staring at the handset mutely.

"My husband," I said to the watching officers awkwardly. "He's on his way."

"Colonel?" police officer one asked curiously.

"Air force," I admitted. "Needless to say he's less than impressed with me right now."

"We called Jason Sloan," the other officer advised. "He's also on his way. It'll be up to him whether formal charges are laid but he said he would like to speak with you first. We'll take you to the interview room now so you can wait for him."

"Thanks," I said, trying to smile but failing to stop the faint quiver as I realised the full depths of how badly I'd screwed up this time.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 49_


	59. This is all sounding pretty farfetched

**Chapter 49: This is all sounding pretty farfetched**

John got there first and somehow managed to talk his way into speaking with me privately. I felt the usual leap of connection when a police officer escorted him into the room and closed the door behind him. John was dressed casually ... jeans, black shirt with the collar open just a little and the usual heavy boots. His expression however was anything but casual ... the door had barely closed before John was demanding an explanation from me.

Looking more at the table top than at him I rushed through the basic highlights of my days activities, culminating in getting caught where I wasn't supposed to be. John was silent the entire time ... until I'd run out of words and sat braced for his reaction.

"I can't believe you broke in!" John said angrily, pacing back and forth in front of the table I was sitting at. "How is it possible for us to be on Earth and yet you still get yourself into trouble?"

"I didn't break in! And besides I had to act now," I said defensively. "I tried to contact you more than once but you weren't there! The SGC couldn't help either – what was I supposed to do? Let the one chance we'll probably ever have to find out the truth just slip through my fingers?"

"You could have waited for the court order," John pointed out grimly. "Sure it would have taken time but it would have been better than this!"

"I thought I could get in, read the file and get out with no one being the wiser," I admitted. "It's the kind of thing I used to do legally all the time when I was doing that hacking job. It was only my file so I couldn't see the harm in it."

"Yeah well now you can," John replied angrily. "If we can't convince your Dad's old partner to let this drop you're in a boat load of trouble here. The kind the air force can't help you out of. I can make bail but it's not a given they'll let you leave the States before this comes to trial. This is really serious Sabina."

"I know and I'm sorry," I said weakly, feeling close to tears for the first time at John's obvious disappointment. "I just ... I felt like I had to see the file right now, like it was something that couldn't wait. I knew it was wrong but I just ... I had to do it."

John stood for a moment, I was sure considering both what I'd said and what I'd told him of Davros's vision all those months ago.

"I'm not condoning what you did but I understand the motivation," John finally said in a more reasonable tone.

"Well perhaps you could explain it to me then," Jason Sloan said from the doorway.

"Mr Sloan," I got up and then just stood there, not sure what I should do next. John solved that for me, striding over to Jason and holding out a hand.

"John Sheppard," he introduced himself briskly.

"Jason Sloan," Jason shook John's hand with a bemused expression. "When I spoke to Sabina yesterday morning I didn't think I'd be meeting you like this."

"It's less than ideal," John agreed. "Look, I understand that you're angry right now and you have every right to be, but I'd ask you to sit down with us, give Sabina the chance to explain, to apologise, before you decide on a course of action."

"I can do that," Jason took one of the seats across from me and waited expectantly. I glanced at John, receiving his nod and his gesture urging me to begin.

"I'm really sorry Jason," I started out with the apology first. "I know you're probably really disappointed with me right now and I deserve it. I don't know if I can even explain to you why I did this, why I couldn't just wait for the court order, but I'll try."

Jason nodded, willing to continue listening.

"It's been on my mind a lot lately," I explained, "because I found ... something when I was researching another topic as part of my work. Something that made me doubt everything I thought I knew about where I come from. Not about Gwen and Roger – before that. When you said I couldn't look at the file I asked the air force for help but they couldn't speed things up for me and see the thing is, I can't – _we_ can't – hang around here for weeks waiting for a court appearance and it might be a year before we get leave to come back. I did some research this morning and it sounded like if I wasn't there personally there wasn't much chance they'd rule in favour of opening my file. And even if they did they'd probably confidentialise all the detail out of it which would kind of defeat the purpose. I didn't know what else to do so I ..." I trailed off miserably.

"So you decided to take matters into your own hands," Jason concluded expressionlessly.

"Yes," I agreed weakly. "I really am sorry. If it's any consolation I used to do something similar legally a while back, looking for weaknesses in security, especially computer security."

"It appears there are some weaknesses in my systems," Jason commented with a tiny hint of amusement that gave me hope for the first time.

"We're prepared to make whatever reparation you feel is appropriate," John announced. "Given what Sabina told you about the nature of my posting I would be very grateful if we could settle this amongst ourselves, without you pressing formal charges that could keep her here in the States without me."

"I knew you'd come and see me one day," Jason looked to me with a strange, unreadable expression. "It was something Gwen said when I was working on the adoption papers."

"What did she say?" I was puzzled at the sudden turn in the conversation.

"There was a woman at the hospital," Jason revealed. "She was some kind of social worker Gwen got friendly with the first few days you were there. Gwen must have spoken about how she and Roger had tried so hard to have a child of their own and how fate must have had a different path in mind for them. Gwen was explaining to me why she was so keen to adopt you and she said fate can bring gifts from further away than can be imagined. She said you were special and that she and Roger had been charged with the task of guiding you and looking after you ... and of loving you in the absence of those who would have gladly done the job."

"What does that mean?" I asked with a frown.

"I asked Gwen that and she admitted she didn't really understand it beyond her belief she'd been chosen to be your Mother," Jason explained. "It was part of the reason Gwen settled on you as the only baby she wanted to adopt. She was adamant about it ... said you needed them."

"You know what's in my file don't you?" I commented quietly. "What it says in the police report?"

"I looked at it late yesterday morning," Jason admitted. "None of this makes sense to me but the fact that you were so driven to find the answers on top of what Gwen said to me ...," he trailed off before continuing with a shrug. "This is outside my league. I won't be pressing charges and I don't expect you to make any kind of amends for this ... apart from maybe advising on some improvements to our systems?"

"I can do that," I smiled in relief. "Thank you Jason ... you have no idea how much this means to me."

"You can thank me by promising not to do anything so foolhardy again," Jason returned in a more disapproving father tone.

"You have my word," I vowed seriously.

"I appreciate your understanding," John refrained from questioning either of us further, focussing on the task of getting us out of there as soon as possible. "Sabina will send through those suggestions before we leave."

"I won't say I'm happy about the setting but I _am_ glad I got the chance to meet you," Jason told John approvingly. As the two men stood up and shook hands again it occurred to me that what I was seeing was a strangely distorted echo of what it would have been like to introduce John to my Dad - to Roger.

When Jason turned to leave I couldn't just leave it like that. "Wait," I said urgently, rushing to him as he turned back from the door.

He opened his arms just in time to receive my hug, squeezing me back without hesitation.

"I should have kept in touch," I whispered sadly against his shoulder.

"I should have tried to find you," Jason returned in a voice thick with emotion. "I let you down ... let Roger and Gwen down too."

"It's okay," I stepped back so he could see the certainty in my eyes. "It had to be this way ... and I'm happy now, more than I ever could have been."

"It was good to see you," Jason reached out and ruffled my hair much as he had when I was a child.

"You too," I ducked away with a laugh. "Thanks again for understanding."

Nodding simply Jason turned, nodded to John too, and then quietly left.

"Nice guy," John commented into the silence.

"Yeah," I agreed roughly. "Reminds me of my Dad ... I guess I blocked that out too, huh?"

Saying nothing John pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, not commenting on my tears or the way I clung to him too tightly.

oOo

It was a simple matter after that to extricate ourselves from the police station with nothing more than a stern warning from my arresting officers to watch my step in future.

"Where to now?" I asked, looking around for some indication of how John had gotten there, beyond the obvious beam in close by.

"The replicator issue got resolved," John informed me. "I'll tell you about that later. Ronon's heading back to Atlantis but I told him we still had business to take care of."

"Back to Richmond?" I queried.

"We need to make one stop first," John took my hand and led me around the corner where our rental car stood waiting. "I drove it over from the law office," John explained, opening the passenger door and holding it open for me.

I watched curiously as he got in the driver's side and competently got us moving. The whole thing at the station had taken hours and light was already beginning to appear over the horizon. Still I couldn't see where we could possibly be going so early in the morning. Without consulting a map John pulled out and drove towards our destination, taking left and right turns purposefully over Anacostia River and past Capitol Hill. Fifteen minutes later we were pulling up outside a familiar gate.

"This is the cemetery," I said in surprise. "I appreciate the thought but I already stopped by yesterday."

"We're not here for that," John said simply. Getting out of the car he came around and took my hand, guiding me out of the car. Wordlessly he walked us over to the main gate, stopping and pulling a familiar and now slightly worn piece of paper from his pocket. "Read the address off this," he urged seriously.

Unfolding the paper I read what Rodney had written over a year ago.

"Lot 180-181 Lincoln Circle, 2219 Lincoln Road NE Washington DC," I read aloud.

"Now read that plaque," John pointed to the right of the gate.

"Glenwood Cemetery, 2219 Lincoln Road," I read in surprise. "Rodney gave me a bogus address?"

"I don't think so," John disagreed. "When I looked up the address to drive you out here and realised it was a cemetery I did some digging. This place has been here since 1854 ... and I don't think it's a coincidence they've got Angels and Archangels guarding the entrance."

"You think this has something to do with what I was told in the Hologram Room?" I asked worriedly.

"I think we should check out who's buried in Lot 180 and 181," John replied, taking my hand and urging me to walk with him.

John looked at the map of the layout they had displayed inside the gate while I glanced around with new eyes. "This way," John drew my attention back to him, pointing off to our right.

We walked silently through the cemetery, early morning dew glistening on the grass. The route we took wasn't familiar until we turned onto the circle.

"My parents are buried somewhere along here," I offered quietly.

"Show me," John invited. Nodding I took the lead, looking at each head stone until I found the ones I wanted.

"Here," I pointed down to the graves of Gwen and Roger Scott.

"Sabina," John squatted down and shifted the flowers I'd placed on Gwen's tombstone the day before. They'd been obscuring the lot number ... when John took his hand away I looked down reluctantly.

"Lot 180," we both said together.

"I don't get it," I turned away, looking out across the grass on the other side of the circle. "Why would Rodney give me the address of my adoptive parents grave sites?"

"What did he say to you when he gave you that paper?" John asked, putting a hand on my shoulder bracingly.

"Ah ... let me think," I put a hand to my forehead, frowning as I tried to remember. "He said those were the names of my birth parents and the address where they lived when I was born. Except clearly that's not the case, is it? Unless Rodney was trying to suggest Gwen and Roger were my biological parents which I know they weren't."

"You never looked at this did you?" John queried gently.

"No," I said insistently. "I told you at the time that I didn't want to know – for good reason as it turns out!"

"Look at the names," John handed me the paper again. Taking it with a sigh I read the rest of what was on there.

"Cato and Levana," I recited softly.

"Not exactly common Earth names are they?" John pointed out.

"No they're not," I agreed. "You know these are Latin names right? Cato meaning wise and Levana meaning rising sun. We could find lots of repetitions of them in the Ancient database, more than you'd find here."

"Sabina is a Latin name too," John persisted.

"Yeah but it derives from history here on Earth," I protested the direction he was taking this. "Look, I know what you think this is all suggesting ... you think that somehow my parents were Ancients, that they brought me to Earth for some reason and that they chose Gwen and Roger to take care of me because for some reason they couldn't."

"Rodney could only get from your mind what was shown to you at the time," John put an arm around me and drew me into his side. Strolling back around the circle towards the gate he gave me time to think about that.

"You think somehow they knew what was going to happen to Gwen and Roger – that they planted the knowledge in my head," I stopped and looked at him in distress. "Was I supposed to know they were gonna die and do something to stop it?"

"You were _ten_," John took my hand and got us moving again, "so no, I don't think that. I think the only thing we can make out of this is that your parents were Ancients and that they knew Gwen and Roger's eventual fate but chose them for you anyway."

"Ancients who came here when they abandoned Atlantis?" I frowned as I tried to work out the logistics to make that possible. "How'd they survive for so long?"

"Maybe they were Ascended and chose to return to this plane of existence to have you," John suggested.

"This is all sounding pretty farfetched," I commented with an incredulous laugh. "Definitely falls within the bucket of topics never to discuss with anyone else!"

"There're a lot of holes," John agreed. "When we get back home you'll have to try the Hologram Room again. Maybe now you have something concrete to ask about you'll be able to re-establish contact with the Ascended you spoke to last time."

"You really think it was an Ascended Ancient I spoke to?" I waited as John opened my car door before running around to his side.

"I didn't before but now I'm not so sure," John admitted, starting up the car and pulling back out into the street.

"I'm not sure I want to know any more," I admitted. "The picture I'm getting isn't exactly reassuring me."

"We'll figure it out," John promised.

Pulling into a deserted side street he placed a call to the Apollo. Moments later we were on the road a few miles out from Richmond. John resolutely drove us towards his family home.

oOo

Dave was visibly surprised when he answered the door to our knock a short time later.

John said nothing, just looked at his brother with an uncertain expression. Dave nodded, motioning us forward.

"Come in," he invited, exchanging a small smile with John.

The house was well appointed but it had atmosphere that said 'family home' too ... it wasn't just a magazine showcase. Dave showed us to a small sitting room and called the housekeeper for coffee to be brought up.

"Did you resolve that work thing?" he asked to make conversation.

"Yeah," John replied, taking a seat on the couch and drawing me down beside him. "Sorry I had to leave so suddenly."

"You've made a career out of it," Dave said without censure. "I know it caused problems for you in the past but never with me. That was one thing I did understand."

"Just not the rest of it," John commented somewhat bitterly.

"What did you expect John?" Dave said in exasperation. "When you left here you cut the whole family off – not just Dad. You lumped me into the same basket with him, you never checked to see whether I agreed, never asked me for support."

"Would you have given it?" John asked, spearing Dave with the first direct look since we'd arrived.

"As a matter of fact yes I would have," Dave replied firmly. "I couldn't see why you couldn't do what you wanted – it's not like you were running off to join the circus. The air force was a respected career – qualifying to be a pilot wouldn't have been easy. Dad should have seen that and been as proud of you as Mom and I were."

"You were proud?" John reacted with surprise.

"Of course!" Dave shook his head sadly. "Mom was too. But you and Dad were so stubborn – neither of you would listen, you were so convinced only you could be right."

The arrival of the housekeeper halted the conversation. We received our coffees in silence, John waiting until she'd left again before continuing.

"I'm sorry," he offered quietly. "I really did think making myself scarce was what Dad wanted, especially after what happened at Mom's funeral."

"Like I said at the wake it wasn't," Dave insisted. "Dad regretted that he'd pushed you away ... he just didn't know how to make the first move."

"I wish I'd known," John said sadly. "I haven't been around much the past few years but I would have made the effort. Now it's too late."

"Not for us," Dave pointed out hopefully. "I'm sorry I made that comment about the money. I don't really think that's the reason you're here ... I was angry that _now_ you turn up, when Dad's gone."

I'd been sitting beside John on the sofa, quietly listening to the brothers talk, watching Dave's expression closely. Everything about him spoke of sincerity ... it would have been hard to make that apology and I was convinced Dave had done so because it was the right thing ... he _wanted_ to make things right with John. Perhaps they were more alike that first impressions had suggested, something that had me truly relaxing as I realised John still had family to care about him back on Earth.

"I don't know what Dad said in his will but I'm really not interested in any of it," John insisted. "You do whatever you need to do for the good of the business and your family. We have everything we need – you don't have to worry about that."

"He did leave the business and most of the property to me," Dave admitted. "But he set up a trust for any children you might have ... I guess he was hopeful one day you'd settle down. If that doesn't eventuate the trust proceeds will go to a charity of your choice."

"Ah," John frowned at the unexpected olive branch from his father. "That's ... more than I expected. And ah ... maybe he understood me more than he ever let on."

"Maybe he did," Dave agreed. "He would have been pleased you remarried. He always said all you needed was the right woman to ground you."

"I'd never want to do that," I spoke for the first time, frowning at the suggestion that John should ever be tied down like that. "Being a pilot is a part of John."

"The right woman," John smiled as he acknowledged the intent of Dave's previous comment, making me blush in embarrassment.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about right now?" Dave asked.

"It's been a tough week," John admitted. "I _would_ like to know more about how Dad was the last few years but ... it's too soon."

"Next time," Dave promised, getting up purposefully. "For now, how about a tour around the place? We've made a few improvements since you left."

"That'd be great," John raised an eyebrow at me questioningly, smiling when he got an emphatic nod in return.

"You have horses?" I asked eagerly as Dave led the way out to the back of the house.

"A few," Dave smiled in amusement. "Would you like to see them first?"

"Yes please," I smiled enthusiastically.

"Sabina's very fond of anything that can go really fast," John shared with Dave in amusement.

"That explains why she hooked up with you," Dave quipped back with a grin.

"You have _no_ idea," I smiled wickedly, letting Dave draw his own conclusions from that. If only we could tell him about Puddle Jumpers and F302's and all the other wonders of the Pegasus galaxy. Of course then we'd have to tell him about the Wraith so perhaps not knowing wasn't such a bad thing after all.

oOo

After a pleasant couple of days at John's family home we returned to the SCG for our journey back to Atlantis. John was relaxed, in some ways more so than I'd ever seen him. Reconnecting with his brother had settled something inside, despite his continuing grief over remaining forever unreconciled with his father.

Family issues – our own origins – had been the central focus of the previous days ... in my case leaving behind more questions than I'd had when I arrived. I had filled John in on the contents of my adoption file leaving him with just as many questions as I had. I could only hope something back on Atlantis would help us answer them.

**Authors Note:**

And so ends Outcast ... sighs. Great episode - hope I did it justice.

Trying to work out specifically where John is from on Earth was next to impossible – they don't mention anything in the episode or anywhere else that I could find. John is described as a Southern gentleman on some of the Scifi sites which narrows it down a little. On Outcast there aren't really any obvious clues either. The house John grew up in seems to have a largish stable so maybe they raised horses, there aren't guests running around with cowboys hats so it's probably not Texas, the cafe Ava takes them too seems to be somewhere with a larger city feel but it doesn't look like Louisiana. In the end I just decided to put the house just outside of Richmond Kentucky – southern enough but hopefully also with no really obvious characteristics missing from Outcast. Best I can do from here in Australia with no personal experience of the USA - Googling such a vague set of clues didn't help much.

I tried to be accurate with the legal side of Sabina wanting to find out more about her real parents – the adoption law details for Washington came from apps dot leg dot wa dot gov. I don't know if the air force could expedite something like court orders but for the purposes of the story I went with no they wouldn't. And I don't know how realistic the whole police side of this was ... I get my information on that from watching legal shows on TV so ...

I chose the location of the cemetery from google maps and tried to be accurate in referring to it as much as possible without having seen it in person. The only thing I couldn't confirm is how they number their lots and whether they really do have an address plaque at the gate. I also accessed www dot glenwoodcemetery dot net to find out more about it, including using their map of the entire layout.

Re the names I chose for Rodney's note, Cato 'The wise one' and Levana 'The rising sun' both came from babynamenetwork dot com.

And lastly I think in reality if there was such a ship as the Apollo and it had beaming technology they would hardly use it to suit the whims of John and Sabina as I have written here. For the sake of moving the story along though I decided to give them (and the readers) the favour of quick travel rather than have to write all the travelling they would have done without the Apollo.

Happy Mother's Day guys ... if you're a Mum hope your little ones showered you with cuddles and love.

Sorry - forgot one last final thing ... got a review after chpt 57 on whether I will write a season 5 that I coudn't reply to. In answer here, to be honest I haven't decided yet. Huge mammoth ginormous effort writing a story as big as this ... and I need a season spanning arc storyline which I don't currently have any ideas for so .... I'll think about it.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 50_


	60. They’re a part of who you are

**Chapter 50: They're a part of who you are**

"How was it?" I looked up from the report I was reading to see Major Lorne standing just inside the doorway of my lab. Since the whole infirmary friendship scene where Evan had perhaps shown more emotion than he was comfortable with we hadn't had a chance to spent much time together. It had taken time for me to get back to mission strength and circumstances since then had precluded me from going off world. John and I had been back on Atlantis just over a day and I would have eventually sought out my team leader if he hadn't caught up with me first.

"Evan," I replied with a smile, motioning for him to come in. "It was ... interesting," I replied to his first question.

"You met Colonel Sheppard's family?" Evan asked, using the bench as a seat and swinging his legs casually.

"His brother," I agreed, sure John wouldn't mind me telling his 2IC that little detail. "Man you should have seen the stables Evan ... they had horses - _beautiful_ horses. Not that we were there for that ... the family stuff ... it was difficult." I frowned, reminded again of the entire mess of uncertainty I now felt over my own family history.

"You okay?" Evan asked in concern, picking up on some of that.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I ah ... I did some digging about my birth parents while I was there. Ended up with more questions than answers. It's just got me feeling ... unsettled."

"I can understand that," Evan sympathised. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"Thanks," I smiled at the offer before turning serious as I considered how much to tell him. I _did_ want an opinion from someone outside the situation. "I'm not sure there's anything _to_ talk about right now ... I just ... I have a horrible feeling that certain things I've always believed are going to turn out not to be true. If that happens, how will I know myself anymore?"

"You mean how will John know you," Evan corrected, quickly seeing to the heart of my concerns. "I can't speak for him but I can't imagine there's ever be anything about you that would have _me_ seeing you as anything other than yourself. Everyone who knows you would say the same."

"One day you're going to make someone very happy Evan," I smiled at his usual faintly embarrassed blush over receiving a compliment. "Are you sure you don't want me to scope out a nice girl for you?"

"I'm sure," Evan grinned teasingly, "but I'll let you know if I ever change my mind."

"You do that," I returned. Glancing at my watch I raised an eyebrow expectantly. "Lunch time?"

"Why not," Evan jumped down from the bench and waited while I shut down my laptop. "Let's grab Brown and Parker on our way there."

"Good idea," I agreed. "A team lunch is just what I need!"

oOo

A few days later John was scheduled for an offworld mission while I'd scheduled myself some much needed time to do some research ... some _historic_ research. I'd been avoiding the subject since our return and John had been letting me. Neither of us did well being pushed into action or conversation ... something we'd learned very early on in our relationship.

Calling up the personnel files for those known to have lived in the city I began by trying to find records on Ascended Ancients - it was a long shot but maybe some detail would jump out at me - something I could use to verify that I had in fact spoken to an actual Ascended Ancient in the hologram room. If not that, then anything on whether the whole idea of using the hologram room like that was even possible. I quickly became immersed in my work, not expecting any interruptions for hours.

"Hey," I looked up to see John standing in the door way of my lab, smiling in a way that suggested he'd tried to get my attention more than once.

"You're back from M5V-801 already?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah," John walked inside and glanced down at my screen. "They had a ridiculous list of demands before they'll agree to move their settlement. Not exactly my area of expertise so Colonel Carter's heading back there this afternoon with Jennifer and Rodney. What you working on?"

"Before I go back to the Hologram room I wanted to see if I could find anything more in the main database," I admitted.

"Any luck?" John asked curiously.

"Not really," I replied despondently. "If the whole 'talk with an Ascended being' thing is real then they treated it like a big secret. Apart from that one book I haven't found any other references."

"Well it looks like you could use a break," John commented, putting his hands on my shoulders and massaging them lightly.

"That isn't hurting," I sighed as he increased the pressure enough to have an involuntary groan escaping me.

"You're pretty tense here," John spun me around, frowning down at me in concern.

"Aren't you the least bit concerned about what we discovered back on Earth?" I asked impatiently.

"I know you are," John returned lighly. "Look - you know you're gonna have to just go try the hologram again, right?" he raised an eyebrow when I shrugged dismissively. "But not today obviously. So – coffee?"

"Definitely," I let John pull me up from my seat.

He distracted me with amusing comments about Jennifer and Rodney's one upmanship over who's problems were more pressing. It was a welcome respite but all too soon John had to get back to work. I sat for a time, looking around the Mess as I let my thoughts drift.

"Daydreaming?" Ronon threw himself down into the seat across from me.

"Procrastinating," I admitted.

"Something you're avoiding?" Ronon questioned curiously.

"Kind of," I replied. "Have you ever had a situation where you could find out something but you didn't want to because you knew you wouldn't like the answer?"

"Not really," Ronon admitted. "It's not the Satedan way to avoid anything. What don't you want to find out?"

"Just stuff about my parents," I said vaguely.

"They're a part of who you are," Ronon offered. "Good or bad, you can't change that, whether you know the details or not."

"You're right," I nodded at the truth of that.

"So go do it," Ronon waved a hand, being just as vague as I'd been.

"I will," I said firmly, getting up with a smile. "Thanks Ronon."

Tapping my radio as I walked away I made contact with John.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I changed my mind," I said quickly. "I'm heading to the Hologram Room now."

"Check in with me in half an hour," John ordered.

"Okay," I appreciated that precaution, just in case things when south and I needed help.

My footsteps slowed as I got close but I pushed on anyway. The Hologram room was silent and unassuming and yet I imagined I could sense a less than benevolent presence. Stepping up to the dais I put my hands on the console and said the words.

"Ego quaeso regimen ex preteritus."

"You have returned," the voice echoed through the room strongly. This time a shimmering ball appeared in the centre of the room where the familiar hologram image should have been. It swirled and shifted before coalescing into someone I'd never seen before. She was tall and slender with a long flowing river of dark hair. Her face, her entire bearing was regal and composed as she looked at me with bright blue eyes. She wore the standard dress of the Lanteans, although in her case there were decorative touches at collar and sleeve edges that gave the outfit an air of importance.

"I suppose," I agreed uncertainly. "I still have questions, starting with who are you?"

"Diamantia," she intoned simply.

"And you're Ascended?" I continued. "You're not just another form of hologram?"

"I am here," Diamantia replied. "Ask your questions."

"Back on Earth I found evidence that suggests my parents were Lanteans," I began. "I wanted to know how that could be."

"Are you truly ready to hear the answers?" Diamantia asked forebodingly. "Once I begin there is no turning back. You must agree to do what I ask so that you may fulfil the purpose for which you were created."

"I'm not going to agree to something before I know all the details," I retorted. "If you won't tell me what I need to know I'll just find another way."

"There is no other way," Diamantia countered. "You will not find the answers you seek without me, and I will not give them to you without your agreement."

"Fine, then I guess this conversation is over," I announced grimly, taking my hands off the console and heading for the door. "If you change my mind you know where to find me."

"Stop!" Diamantia ordered. "I cannot let you leave now ... the opportunity to converse in this direct manner may not come again. You must listen to me!"

"I don't have to do any such thing," I returned, swiping my hand over the door control decisively. When it didn't open I raised an eyebrow at her mockingly. "A bit childish don't you think?"

"You force me to it with your equally childish behaviour," Diamantia said blandly. "Will you listen?"

"No," I tapped my earpiece defiantly. "John, do you read?" There was nothing, not even static. "John, come in?"

"He cannot hear you," Diamantia said in amusement. "No one will hear you until you do as I have requested."

"If it was a request then I might have considered it," I pointed out. "Instead you manipulate and mislead ... and take delight in keeping us humans in the dark."

"It is the way it must be," Diamantia said complacently.

"Not in my world," I retorted angrily. "Now let me out!" I beat at the door with my fists in frustration.

"Not like this," Diamantia replied firmly.

"John!" I tapped the earpiece again even though it hadn't worked last time. Trying a different tack I turned back to the console and accessed communications the old Ancient way, quickly searching for John. There! "_John, I need help up here_," I thought at him strongly. "_The hologram room won't let me out_."

John's reply was faint but I got it. "_We're on our way_."

"Impressive," Diamantia commented admiringly. "I suspect the city has not seen gene powers as strong as yours in close to ten thousand years."

"John's are just as strong," I countered.

"Perhaps on the surface," Diamantia agreed, "but that has more to do with what you are willing to embrace about yourself than it does inherent skills you each possess."

"Look, I'm tired of all the cryptic crap," I said hotly. "If you have something to tell me for god's sake just spit it out!"

"Very well," Diamantia gave in suddenly. "Your gene skills are more consistent with the Lanteans who left here ten thousand years ago," she began. "You have antibodies to a virus that hasn't been seen in that format for the same amount of time. And there is no record of your birth or your very existence on Earth before you magically appeared at the hospital where Gwen Scott worked. What picture does that paint for you?"

"You're saying I'm the person that I am because I have some kind of direct link back to ten thousand year old Lanteans?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm saying that you _are_ one of those ten thousand year old Lanteans," Diamantia countered.

"Don't be ridiculous," I laughed at the idea. "How'd I get there then? I thought it was impossible to travel to the future."

"What was your future is my past," Diamantia replied. "_I_ brought you here because the entire galaxy needs you to be exactly what you are, right now in this place and time. None of that would have survived if I'd left it to genetic chance as you have always believed."

"Wouldn't that break the basic code of the Ascended?" I mocked. "You're not exactly big on action – or as you call it _interfering_."

"The space of both time and distance were sufficient to ensure my interference was not noted," Diamantia explained.

"What, so you just walked into the city and stole a baby?" I asked incredulously.

"There was an outbreak of Kirsan fever, worse than they had ever seen before," Diamantia said serenely. "So bad that it affected some of the adults and most of the children including a few of the babies ... one of them being you. You were one of several children with the mix of genes I required but the only one sick enough to be in the infirmary and therefore vulnerable. Everyone was tired, distressed, confused ... I used that confusion to take you and bring you forward to this time. I chose the hospital to take care of you, lingered to give you the fever treatment while they believed it was their care that was helping you. And I chose Gwen for you ... I watched her during the weeks you were in the hospital, spoke to her in the guise of a social worker – I knew she was the one to take you in."

"Did you know she and Roger were going to be killed ten years later?" I demanded bitterly.

"There were many events required to bring you to Atlantis," Diamantia said evasively. "I arranged for the placement most likely to result in the required outcome because I could not stay to shape your future."

"You're saying I needed to have adoptive parents who died when I was ten in order to end up on Atlantis?" I scoffed in disbelief. "Because if you are I have to say that is seriously disturbing!"

"I gave them something they would not have experienced otherwise," Diamantia pointed out.

"And it ended up killing them," I returned grimly. "I'm not sure they would have thought I was worth it!"

"Their fate was sealed regardless of your presence," Diamantia told me firmly. "Even your friend Doctor McKay perceived the truth of that when he attempted to extract details about your origins while close to Ascension. It would not have mattered if your parents had never adopted you ... except those ten years would not have been as rewarding for them."

"I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been picking up a birthday cake that day if not for me," I insisted on keeping that portion of blame I'd always held inside.

"Believe what you will," Diamantia intoned, "but know that what was done was necessary. Your task is still before you and you _must_ be ready to act."

"What task?" I asked. "And how come you can be here now telling me all this? Aren't you worried the others will come and punish you?"

"The space of years still protects me," Diamantia excused my question lightly.

"This isn't your present either?" I asked with a sinking feeling. "You're from somewhere still in our future?"

"I am," Diamantia agreed. "In my future you lived your life in the Atlantis of the past ... you were never here in this time, never a part of the expedition from Earth. I have altered that timeline and brought you here solely for the purpose I spoke of."

The banging on the door was an abrupt distraction. John had arrived!

Frowning impatiently, Diamantia turned back to me. "My time here is short and I will not be able to return before ... you must be there!"

"Where?" I demanded.

"One of your companions will be taken by the Wraith," Diamantia predicted. "You must be with them when it happens or every human in this galaxy will suffer. It was just a small change ... to put the solution inside of you. When the time comes, do not hide yourself!"

Her form shimmered even as John forced the door open a few inches.

"Tell no one!" her voice echoed again.

"Wait!" I called out but Diamantia was gone.

"Sabina!" John called from the doorway. Rushing over I swiped a hand at the controls, not surprised to find that this time they opened easily. "What happened – are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I glanced at the marines he'd brought with him before smiling casually. "The door controls were jammed – you must have fixed them when you forced that section open."

"Okay," John frowned but let me get away with the public lie.

"It was all a bit tiring though," I told him meaningfully.

"You should probably lie down then," John got the message, turning to his marines with a shrug. "Return to your posts. I'll escort my wife to our quarters."

"Yes Sir," they turned as one and strode back down the corridor.

"What was that all about?" John asked as I rushed us in the opposite direction, keeping a brisk pace until we were safely inside our room.

"Oh, just an Ascended Ancient from some time in our future who says she stole me from Atlantis ten thousand years ago because apparently I have to be here right now to stop all the humans in the entire galaxy from suffering!" I got the whole thing out in one breath.

"An Ascended Ancient kidnapped you from Atlantis?" John questioned uncertainly.

"It makes a sick kind of sense," I paced back and forth in agitation. "She said it was a Kirsan fever outbreak, a bad one. She used that to sneak in, grab me, and then sneak out again. It would explain the antibodies plus how I appeared in a locked room inside a hospital without someone leaving any trace of evidence."

"We could confirm it," John suggested hesitantly.

"I could look myself up on the database," I acknowledged that I'd already thought of that. "She didn't give me a name."

"You have their names," John reminded me. "That and the Kirsan fever thing should be enough."

"I'll go look it up now," I agreed. I'd taken a couple of steps before the urge to say something overcame my good sense. "You'll still love me right? If it turns out I'm an alien instead of being human like you?"

"What?" John laughed before he realised I was deadly serious. Moving over to me he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me firmly. "I will love you because no matter what happened in the past you're still you and you're still mine." Moving his hands from my face he put them in the small of my back and pulled me in sharply. "Not to mention the fact that you're still hot – and everyone knows that making it with the hot alien chick is seriously cool!" He kissed me again quickly before I pushed him away with a laugh.

"Can you take this seriously for just a minute?" I said with impatient amusement.

"I'm taking it as seriously as it needs to be," John insisted. "You're you – no matter who your parents were, where you were born, or when. Find out the rest and then we can put this away where it belongs."

"Okay," I agreed meekly, standing there just looking at him instead of moving like he expected.

"What?" he demanded when I said nothing.

"You really are one in a million John Sheppard," I said softly, pulling his head down to instigate a kiss of my own. "I can see now just how much luck was involved in my being here with you ... if I had the choice I'd go twice that far for the privilege." Leaving John standing there bemused I turned and headed back to my lab, smiling when he caught up to me a few moments later.

oOo

"It's all true," I turned away from the computer screen and looked at John with a blank expression. "Cato and Levana lived here in the city at the beginning of the Wraith war. They had a daughter, Carus, who mysteriously vanished from the infirmary during a severe outbreak of Kirsan fever. She was never found."

"That's you – Carus?" John asked gently.

"I guess so," I agreed, my voice thick with emotion. "It's one of the words they used for beloved."

"It's nice," John drew me to him and held me while I cried ... for the parents who'd lost a child and never known what had happened to her, and for the child who'd always believed her parents had abandoned her because she wasn't worthy of their love.

We sat like that for a time until other emotions began to override my grief.

"How could she have done this?" I asked John, wiping at my tears impatiently. "How could Diamantia have justified doing something so extreme?"

"She must believe it's necessary," John replied.

"You've suddenly got a lot of faith in the motives of an Ascended," I commented grimly.

"I'd thank her if I could speak to her," John admitted without remorse. "She brought you here ... to me ... for whatever reason nothing can change that. It's out of her hands now ... it's for us to decide whether we play along or not."

"You're right," I realised. "She can talk about her motives until the cows come home but it's just that – talk. She can't make me do whatever it is she set me up to do."

"I'd say not otherwise she wouldn't have been so keen for your willing agreement," John pointed out.

"Do we have to tell the others?" I asked despondently. "On the one hand it's almost a relief to know that all those things we thought were so unique about me can be explained by knowing I was born on Atlantis thousands of years ago. But on the other hand having everyone know I'm not human is just a freak out I'd like to avoid for as long as possible."

"We can wait until you've had a chance to get used to this," John agreed, "but eventually we'll have to let Colonel Carter know."

"Great," I muttered snidely. "The SGC will inform the IOA and the next thing you know I'll be the subject of experiments at Area 51!"

"That won't happen," John insisted with conviction.

"Do you promise?" I asked worriedly.

"I promise," John replied, squeezing my hands firmly as he made that commitment.

"Okay, then let's just forget about the whole thing for now," I suggested. "I never asked you how things went for Rodney and the others on M5V-801."

"Colonel Carter has a broken leg," John offered. "Apparently she, Jennifer and Rodney fell down a big hole and she broke it trying to climb out."

"Are they all okay?" I asked in concern.

"Rodney cut his hands up pretty bad," John admitted. "He's fine though – so's Jennifer. Sam will be getting around on crutches for a few weeks but she's fine too."

"Wow, Rodney and the woman of his obsessions almost alone in the dark," I said in amusement. "I bet _that_ was a conversation worth listening in on."

"I don't know about that but he and _Jennifer_ were seen having drinks just after they got out of the infirmary," John added fuel to my speculations.

"Really?" I smiled, knowing John was just trying to distract me with the latest gossip. Call me shallow but ... it was working. I was happy to occupy my brain with thoughts about how best to begin teasing Rodney over his latest 'love' interest!

**Authors Note:**

Diamantia from the Latin word Diamanta which means 'Adamant, like a diamond', from babynamenetwork dot net.

Apologies for not getting to review replies before posting ... I thought you'd all rather a new chapter but I will be replying as soon as I can get to it and in the mean time I'll say thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 51_


	61. You’ll still have to play the game

**Chapter 51: You'll still have to play the game**

"Time's up," John announced a week later. He'd called me up to his office and when he shut the door after me I knew it wasn't good news.

"Huh?" I frowned in confusion, sitting in the seat in front of his desk. John propped a hip on the desk next to me, watching me closely as he explained.

"They finally got somewhere on that investigation into how Walker knew so much about the SGC and in particular you," John explained. "Turns out one of the IOA committee members was involved as well."

"And?" I asked, knowing telling me that hadn't been why John wanted to speak to me.

"The IOA now have new membership," he revealed grimly. "The new guy is insisting on interviewing all the as he termed it 'aliens'. He's already locked Teyla and Ronon in for visits back to the SGC over the next few days." John rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. "I wanted to give you as much time as you needed to accept things but if we don't tell Colonel Carter that you were born here instead of back on Earth before the IOA start these interviews ..."

"It'll look really bad," I concluded glumly, getting up reluctantly. "Okay, I'll go tell her now."

"What about everyone else?" John asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him.

"God, I don't know," I leant my head against his chest wearily. "I guess I'll fill Major Lorne and the rest of my team in once I've spoken to Sam. You can tell Rodney and the others ... if you don't mind."

"They won't think any differently of you," John squeezed me tightly.

"I know," I sighed before adding, "but it's just another thing isn't it?"

"Well actually it's more like the thing that _explains_ all the other things," John pointed out.

"Can I use that eloquent explanation with Sam?" I joked, looking up at him with a forced smile.

"It's not copyrighted – yet," John grinned smugly. "Listen, I could come with you, help you explain it to Sam."

"I appreciate the offer," I felt a genuine smile bubbling to the surface, "but I think it'll go over better if I'm not clinging to your hand like a child."

"Probably," John agreed, giving me a pat on the back before releasing me. "Off you go then ... you'll be fine."

oOo

"Uh, Sam?" I stood at her office door uncertainly. "Have you got a minute?"

"Sure Sabina," Sam smiled. "Come in."

"Okay," I sat down across from her, obviously apprehensive, trying to work out how best to begin.

"You _can_ talk to me you know," Sam said gently. "I don't bite."

"I know," I acknowledged, "I'm just not sure how to start. Ah ... so when the Ancients took back Atlantis last year the leader, Helia, was very interested in my background, especially the gene power's I'd inherited. I spent a lot of time talking with her second, Caritas, about the Lantean genes as well as the Wraith ones and about how the anti replicator protein was matched to the Wraith DNA so I'd get that protection if the nanite virus was reintroduced. Caritas and Helia were both amazed that the link had survived through ten thousand years, but they put it down to the success of their genetic design. Only it turns out there's another explanation for all of that." I stopped for a second to work myself up for the punch line. "During the years when the Lanteans were heavily involved in the war with the Wraith there was a severe outbreak of Kirsan fever ... it affected babies and children alike, even some of the adults. In the confusion a baby was stolen from the infirmary and never heard of again. I ah ... I've pretty much confirmed that I am that baby."

"_What?_" Sam sat forward abruptly, looking at me with an expression I hoped didn't mean she thought I was crazy. "How? Why?"

"I don't know the why yet," I admitted. "I stumbled across a reference in the Ancient library for using the Hologram Room to make contact with an Ascended Ancient – to ask for guidance. I tried it out not really expecting it to work and eventually found myself talking to someone called Diamantia – she said she removed me from the past because I need to be here now, that all the humans in the galaxy will suffer if I don't fulfil my purpose."

"I don't suppose she told you what that purpose was?" Sam commented grimly.

"Ah – not really, no," I replied apologetically.

"I'm not discounting what you've told me," Sam said thoughtfully, "but for you to have travelled to the future goes against everything we believe about the nature of time itself."

"Diamantia explained that too," I responded. "She said that my future is her past ... in fact she said that our present is her past too. That's the reason the other Ascendeds haven't cottoned on to her interference – because of the separation of place and time as she put it."

"But surely if your origins are Lantean instead of Earth we would have discovered it before now?" Sam asked. "Didn't Doctor Becket do a full DNA analysis for you when you first came to Atlantis?"

"Not as far as I know," I offered. "He tested the sectors where the ATA gene resides and of course found that I had it – I think that's when he found the anti replicator protein too , and then later he matched up the Wraith DNA based on Teyla's DNA. He must have found a few things of interest because he spoke to Doctor Lam back at the SGC about me but it was mainly to do with the ATA/Wraith gene link. I haven't actually spent that much time in the infirmary, apart from my one stint recently. I'm not sure I've ever had anything done that would have made a Doctor suspicious – Lantean and human physiology _is_ pretty similar, especially on the surface. Doctor Beckett didn't know Chia was an Ancient until Rodney tricked her into revealing herself."

"That does make sense," Sam agreed. "How long have you known about this?"

"Since we came back from Earth," I admitted a bit guiltily. "John wanted me to tell you but he didn't think a little time to get used to the idea would hurt anyone. To be honest I still don't know what to make of this ... the only reason I'm telling you now is because of this new IOA push to interview all the aliens. Not that I consider myself an alien – I was raised on Earth and something that happened so long ago isn't going to change who I am. I just didn't want this to come back and hurt John, or you, if we weren't up front before the IOA gets started."

"I appreciate you coming forward like this Sabina," Sam replied. "Leave it with me for now ... I'll inform the SGC and the IOA and I'll let you know if they want to speak to you personally."

"Thanks Sam," I got up feeling much lighter than I had when I'd sat down, relieved to have the conversation out of the way.

"You'll let me know as soon as you learn any more about this purpose Diamantia spoke of," Sam instructed firmly.

"Of course," I agreed. "Although to be honest I don't know how I'm going to find out any more than I already know. I've got nothing to go on and Diamantia said she couldn't speak to me again before whatever's gonna happen happens."

"She didn't give you any clues on the timing?" Sam asked curiously.

"Nothing obvious to me," I replied. I felt a pang of guilt at deliberately keeping Diamantia's comment about a companion being taken by the Wraith to myself. I wasn't doing that because she'd told me to – I was doing it because I had no way of knowing who that companion was likely to be. John wouldn't be able to prevent that from happening but he could ground me so I couldn't be with them. I wasn't sure I believed what Diamantia said about my purpose but if it happened the way she'd said and my being there helped save one of our own then I had to make sure I had the opportunity.

"Okay," Sam nodded. "I'll let you know what the response is from Earth."

Thanking Sam again I hurried from her office, keen to catch up with John.

oOo

John was conducting a training session by the time I got done so I couldn't see him until dinner ... and then it would be a team Sheppard affair. In the interim I tracked down Major Lorne and the rest of my team, keen to get it over with now I'd been forced to reveal what I'd learned about myself. Rather than search the city looking for them I radioed everyone individually and asked them to meet me in one of the smaller, rarely used, conference rooms.

They were all sitting around the table waiting for me when I rushed in deliberately a few minutes late.

"Guys," I said, sitting down and attempting a casual smile. I was nervous ... not because I really thought I'd get a less than favourable response but because I wasn't ready to be 'an Ancient' and after I'd told them there'd be no going back.

"Sabina?" Evan looked at me in concern, easily picking up on my nervousness.

"I ah ... I'm just going to blurt this out," I announced. "You guys all know that I was adopted right?" Parker and Brown both nodded without saying anything. "Okay, well, I was actually abandoned at birth and I never knew my birth parents. When John and I were on Earth recently I did some digging to see if I could find out about them – there were reasons for that but they're not really important right now. Anyway, I ah ... I managed to find my adoption record and it was ... vague." Realising that I was rambling and not doing a very good job of explaining the background I paused to regroup.

Looking at Evan I started again. "Remember that discovery I mentioned when we were waiting for Atlantis to contact us ... on M7G-677? The one I said I had to tell John about first?"

"I had other concerns at the time," Evan reminded me the situation had been a lot direr than I was making it sound. "But sure – I remember something like that being said."

"Well, the discovery was a way to talk to Ascended Ancients through the hologram room," I revealed. "I tried it and I actually spoke to one. She said things that made me question my origins and then after we got back from Earth I spoke to her again. This is where it gets really interesting. Diamantia ... that's her name ... she ah ... she said she stole me from my birth parents and took me to Earth and gave me to the Scott's."

"Stole you from where?" Evan frowned in confusion.

"From here ... from Atlantis," I replied. "Only it wasn't now ... it was 10,000 years ago."

There was silence for a moment before Parker decided to comment.

"That makes you really, really old, doesn't it?" he said with a straight face, making me laugh in spite of the situation.

"I hadn't really thought about it like that but I guess in a way it does," I returned. "Thanks for pointing that out."

"You're welcome," Parker grinned. "You know how I like to be helpful."

"So you've got an Ancient name then?" Brown queried after another moments pause.

"You're not calling me anything other than Sabina," I shot him a warning glance, "so there's really no point in telling you what my birth name was."

"Tell us anyway," Lorne practically ordered.

"I'm _not_ telling you," I returned stubbornly.

"We'll just find out some other way," Parker pointed out.

"No you won't," I shot back. "And you can't tell anyone else about this yet," I almost pleaded. "I ah ... I know it'll get out eventually but I'm not ready to be a curiosity just yet."

"You were worried about how we'd take this weren't you?" Evan asked, his expression bland.

"No!" I returned instantly. "I trust you guys so _no_ ... but once I start admitting to being someone born on Atlantis 10,000 years ago it's real ... and it has to change things. I don't know how yet but accepting that this is all true changes me ... I'm not who I thought I was anymore."

"You are to us," Parker said simply.

"Yeah," Brown seconded that quickly. "I don't care where you were born."

"Thank you," I smiled at each of my team mates gratefully. "Look ... I'll get used to this eventually. I just wanted you guys to know first because Colonel Carter has to report what I've told you to the SGC and the IOA ... their new membership is making some kind of push to evaluate the 'aliens'. God forbid they label me as one but it could happen."

"We won't let them take you anywhere," Brown promised.

"I'm not sure any of us will get the choice," I admitted. Not liking the downturn in the mood I smiled gamely. "So anyway, that's the news and ah ... thanks for listening."

Parker and Brown got up, each slapping my shoulder companionably as they walked out, talking about some football game they'd got on DVD in the last shipment from Earth. Evan loitered, waiting until they'd disappeared before speaking.

"This was what you were worried about?" he asked.

"Yeah," I agreed. "You were right though ... John laughed when I admitted I was worried it might change things."

"It won't," Evan reaffirmed. "Not with the people who count."

"I know," I smiled, all at once feeling more comfortable with my situation. I didn't have to accept everything right there and then and I didn't have to let it change how I looked at the world. What I did have to do was work out how to use it ... how to make something out of events contrived without my free will. How to make my birth parent's unwitting sacrifice have meaning.

"What happened to your parents?" Evan asked, "your birth parents?" It was something John and I had skirted around so far and Evan's question forced me to think about it right there and then.

"I found them in the Ancient database, but ...," I shook my head sadly. "I don't know Evan. They were in there ... _I_ was in there but ... there were no personal details. They lost a baby that was never found ... that's all I know."

"I'm sure they missed you," Evan said softly.

"Well I hope not too much," I replied, causing him to frown. "Who wants to know that not being there made someone miserable for the rest of their lives?" I asked, trying to explain. "I'd much rather believe they grieved for a time and then went on with their lives ... just like I've had to. I mean - they would have gotten over it eventually, right?"

"No," Lorne returned, understanding immediately what I was alluding to. "I'm pretty sure you never get over the loss of a child. But did they learn to live with it? Did they find happiness in other areas of their lives? I think so."

"I think so too," I replied.

oOo

With my own team successfully 'in the know' all that remained was for me to find out how John's team had taken the news.

"Hey Sabina," Rodney greeted me smartly when I arrived at their table for dinner, "or should we be calling you Carus now?"

"Not if you want me to respond," I retorted, sliding into the seat next to John with a raised brow. "You told them the name thing too?"

"I filled them in on your latest discovery," John confirmed. "Rodney's not really going to start calling you Carus," he pinned Rodney with a warning look, wordlessly demanding Rodney agree.

"Ah ... no, no I'm not," Rodney gulped and looked both nervous and apologetic all at the same time.

"Having origins in the Pegasus galaxy is another thing we can share in common," Teyla offered graciously. "I am saddened for the parents you never knew ... I believe they would have been proud of what you've accomplished without them to guide you."

"Thanks Teyla," I smiled gratefully.

"Always knew you were too good to be a mere human," Ronon quipped, directly a teasing grin John's way.

"I wouldn't put it like that," I retorted, "but in a way I'm kind of relieved there's a much simpler reason for all that weird DNA and blood stuff."

"You call kidnapping and time travel to the future simple?" Rodney asked incredulously.

"It's a neat explanation," I persisted before trying to change the subject. "I know this is big news but can we just go back to me being Sabina Sheppard now?"

"For now," Teyla agreed. "But I fear you will not be able to bury your true origins forever."

"I'm going to give it a damn good try," I returned, deliberately ignoring the concerned look John was giving me. Telling his team and mine and resolving to accept it, to make something of it was one thing ... having the whole city talking about it was something else entirely and I was so not ready to go there.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Rodney had that teasing look on his face, this time directed at John.

"No Rodney," John retorted with exaggerated patience. "What does it mean?"

"You actually did end up with the hot alien!" Rodney laughed when everyone groaned at his poor jest.

"I think I'll take that as a compliment," I decided with a rueful laugh. "Anyway, if you believe all of this then this is _my_ home turf."

"So?" Rodney looked at me in confusion.

"So you really should be saying it the other way – that _I _ended up with the hot alien," I pointed out with a mischievous look at John.

"All right," John said firmly as the others laughed again. "Can we change the subject now, please?"

The others let me off the hook and dinner returned to its usual pattern.

oOo

Of course it wasn't going to be as easy as that. The day before Teyla was due on Earth for her IOA interview I received what could only be classed as an order for an interview of my own. It was going to be Teyla first, then me and then Ronon.

"I can't believe they're doing this," I'd rushed straight down to John's office as soon as Sam had let me know and was pacing around because I had too much nervous energy inside to sit down. "They're treating me like I'm not even from Earth. It's insulting!"

"I'll speak to Colonel Carter," John promised grimly, just as annoyed as I was.

"She won't be able to stop this interview thing," I said despondently.

"No," John agreed, "but she can speak with General O'Neill, make sure the IOA can't revoke your placement here or reassign you somewhere else. Then it's just a case of you humouring them."

"God I didn't even think of that!" I exclaimed. "Is that a risk for Teyla and Ronon as well?"

"Only in an official capacity," John clarified. "It's not like the IOA can order us not to be friends anymore."

"Can you speak to Sam straight away?" I looked at him pleadingly. "We need to make sure I'm safe because I really don't think I can go back to Earth unless I've got some kind of promise."

"I won't let them keep you there," John made a promise of his own. "In any case, if they try something like that on the basis that you're Lantean then you can equally claim the Pegasus galaxy as your home for exactly the same reason. It'd be pretty stupid on their part to push that line."

"You're right," that thought actually did cheer me up a little, not that I wanted to claim another galaxy as my home if it meant I'd have to give up ties to Earth.

"I'll talk to Carter," John promised again.

oOo

Teyla took her almost seven month pregnant self through the Stargate to the midway station the next day. As if it wasn't enough to waste time going to Earth in the first place, first we'd have to waste 24 hours in quarantine, and then another 24 hours on the way back. I went about my usual routine for the four days Teyla was away, getting more and more apprehensive the closer it got to her return, because her return would signal my departure.

I was in the Control Room when she dialled in from Midway, and waited impatiently to speak with her while she filled Sam and John in on her visit.

"Teyla," I called when she walked from Sam's office a few minutes later.

"Sabina," Teyla greeted me with a smile.

"How'd it go?" I asked hopefully.

"It was an interesting experience," Teyla replied diplomatically. "The new IOA member, Mr Coolidge, was just as Sam cautioned he would be. I believe that I was able to convince him of my continuing importance on Atlantis, although he appeared to be distracted by the fact that I am pregnant."

"Great," I muttered sarcastically. "A male chauvinist – that's gonna work in my favour - _not_."

"You will do fine," Teyla insisted. "In fact I have something that should ease your mind considerably."

"What is it?" I asked with a puzzled frown.

"A note from General O'Neill," Teyla reached into a pocket and pulled out a sealed envelope. "General Landry assured me this would see you much happier to go along with the IOA's agenda."

"Thanks Teyla," I took the note and opened it straight away, smiling as soon as I'd got the gist of what it contained.

"_Sabina_," Jack had written. "_Consider this your get out of jail free card. You can pass go but don't expect the IOA to be handing out anything anywhere near as useful as $200. Give me a call when you get done – we'll have cake. Jack._"

"It is good news?" Teyla looked at me curiously.

"I was worried they'd revoke my position here," I admitted with a self depreciating shrug. "General O'Neill has given me his assurance that won't happen. So yeah, it's good news."

"When do you depart?" Teyla asked.

"An hour," I said unenthusiastically. "Just enough time for me to say goodbye to John and grab my gear. I'll catch up with you when I get back – we can compare notes."

"Of course," Teyla agreed. "I believe John is attempting to get your attention."

"What?" glancing over my shoulder I smiled when I saw John standing outside Sam's office waving at me. "See you later," I called to Teyla as I headed over to John. "Time to say goodbye?" I asked glumly.

"Come on," John urged. "I'll carry your bag."

It was just an excuse of course, John helping me with my gear so we could go back to our quarters for a private goodbye.

"General O'Neill came through with that guarantee," I told John once we were behind closed doors. "That's one less thing I have to worry about."

"You'll still have to play the game," John reminded me. "Just answer their questions as briefly as you can – don't give them anything they haven't asked for."

"You already told me this," I said, amused in a warm and fuzzy way at his 'take care of me' approach. "I think you can find a better use for my time."

"I'm sure I can," John smiled, pulling me into him and then dipping me low to the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing as I clung to him tightly.

"Making sure you have something to think about during your interview," John said innocently, kissing me lightly as he pulled me up again. He spun me away from him before bringing me back in against his chest sharply.

"This will certainly do the trick," I agreed, keeping my arm strong around him. "They might think I'm insane though it I spend the whole time grinning to myself."

"I'm sure you'll be able to control yourself," John quipped before letting the humour drop from his face. He looked down at me, his eyes dark and serious. "Don't let them make you feel less than you are," he ordered. Before I could think of a response he was kissing me purposefully, making me feel like I was his whole world. He had me lost in those feelings to the point that I groaned and tried to keep him with me when he made to pull away.

"Not yet," I pleaded.

"We don't have time for everything I'd like to be doing right now," John ran his hands down my back, aligning us in all the right places just in case I was in doubt as to his meaning. "Everything I _will_ be doing just as soon as you get back."

"I'll hold you to that," I promised. "I won't care what you're doing at the time ... it could be very embarrassing for you."

"I'll make myself available," John promised in return.

Wordlessly I gathered up my bag and took John's hand, letting him lead me from our room and all the way to the Gateroom.

Throwing him a confident wave and a 'see you later' I stepped through the wormhole.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 52_


	62. Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Ronon first?

**Chapter 52: Shouldn't we say goodbye to Ronon first?**

The IOA didn't waste any time. I'd no sooner arrived at the SGC after my 24 hours on Midway than I found myself in a conference room at a table full of IOA members. I was severely outnumbered and wondered at their obvious attempt to intimidate as they began without even introducing themselves.

"Thank you for joining us Mrs Sheppard," one of the men took control immediately. "_Mr Coolidge I presume,_" I thought in amusement. "If we could begin with you explaining the fact that you aren't in fact from Earth but rather from Atlantis?"

"Since I've spent twenty eight of my thirty two years on Earth I think I can still claim being _from_ here," I began pointedly. "As for explaining the fact that I was born on Atlantis I can't – all of my memories begin here. All I can tell you is what Colonel Carter put in her report. An Ascended Ancient admitted recently that she took me from Atlantis some time during their war with the Wraith – for reasons she failed to go in to."

"Surely she offered some kind of justification for such a radical action?" Mr Coolidge scoffed in disbelief.

"If you'd ever met an Ancient, Ascended or not, you'd understand that justification isn't exactly their strong suit," I said smoothly. "There are enough examples of that for my current situation not to be a surprise."

"Do you feel differently about your commitment to Earth now?" one of the other members asked blandly.

"I'm married to an air force Colonel," I reminded them. "And I've spent the last four years helping him protect this planet from the Wraith. I don't think you can get much more committed than that."

"Do you consider yourself Lantean instead of human?" Mr Coolidge persisted.

"Human doesn't have to mean just people from Earth," I pointed out. "By definition it also means having human form or attributes – and I definitely have those." Before they could ask me another lame question I pressed on. "Look, I don't know what it is to be anything other than what I am. The few Lanteans I _have_ met didn't exactly inspire me to want to be just like them. I don't see myself as being any different than I was before I spoke to Diamantia and I'd fully expect that no one else would either."

"And Colonel Sheppard agrees with this," someone asked.

"Of course," I said confidently. "He thought I was being just a tad silly to worry that others might treat me differently because of something that happened so long ago. The few people who already know have proved him right so far." A subtle push for them to put aside their petty line of questioning but hopefully it would do the trick.

"Perhaps you would like to refresh yourself before we begin again," one of them offered, meaning they wanted to talk _about_ me for a while before deciding what questions to ask next.

"That _would_ be nice," I agreed graciously.

oOo

That first meeting was probably the most disturbing of the many I endured over the next day and a half. Surprisingly the whole kidnapping incident on Earth was never mentioned ... perhaps because Mr Coolidge himself wouldn't be sitting in his cushy IOA seat but for Walker and his plot to use me.

It was the only thing I had to be grateful for though. They'd obviously worked through every Atlantis report that I'd had some part in and proceeded to question my thinking and my motives for all of them. It took too long and it was needlessly boring and monotonous but I played along just as John had requested and I got through it relatively unscathed. All the while I was reminding myself that General O'Neill had promised my safe return to Atlantis and recalling at inappropriate times John's promise to finish what he'd started just before my departure.

Finally I was done and Mr Coolidge was informing me they'd send through any recommendations concerning my role to Colonel Carter.

"_I'll look forward to that_," I thought snidely.

When a knock sounded at the door while Coolidge was still doing his self importance routine I looked up disinterestedly, until I saw a familiar face.

"General O'Neill," Coolidge greeted Jack almost respectfully. "I had no idea you were visiting the SGC today."

"Just checking up on my empire Bob," Jack quipped in return. "I was hoping you were finished so I could steal Sabina away. They're serving chocolate cake in the Mess," he shared with me, "and you know how much I like chocolate."

"We _had_ just concluded our meetings," Coolidge replied congenially – not an expression he'd shown the whole time I'd been there and frankly, not a good look for him.

"Good," Jack grinned. "Shall we?" he looked at me expectantly.

"I could use some cake," I followed him casually; waiting until he'd closed the door behind us before showing him how happy I was to see him. "Thank you," I said fervently. "After two days of ... _that_ I've used up what little patience I ever possessed."

"From what I hear you did good," Jack said seriously.

"Yeah well having that free pass from you helped my attitude no end," I replied gratefully. "I really appreciate that by the way."

"If I can't pull a few strings, flex a few muscles, then there's no point in being The Man," Jack refused to take as much credit as he deserved for helping me. "I wasn't joking about the cake though."

"You came all the way from Washington to have cake?" I asked in amusement.

"They don't make it right up there," Jack complained.

"Or maybe it's just that you still miss being around here," I suggested gently.

"There is that," Jack agreed. "I hear your super powers aren't that super after all."

"If you mean I'm just a kidnap victim instead of a genetic marvel then you heard correctly," I played along, knowing Sam would have given him the full story as soon as she'd heard it.

"And how do you feel about that?" Jack asked.

"It's nice to give up the genetic freak label," I tried to explain where I was at, "but it would have been better if it hadn't come with dire predictions about galactic suffering and some higher 'purpose'."

"That's one of the first things I teach," Jack joked. "There's always a catch when you're _not_ fishing."

"Sounds like a fun class,' I replied in amusement. "Where do I sign up?"

oOo

Cake eaten, more thanks handed out, and farewells given, I travelled back to Midway and from there 24 hours later back to Atlantis.

"Honey I'm home," I quipped as I walked up to a waiting John.

"And it's about time," John hugged me quickly before grabbing my hand and leading me away.

"Is that Teal'c?" I asked in surprise, watching a tall dark man following Ronon into the Gateroom where Sam stood waiting.

"Yeah, Colonel Carter asked him to come and coach Ronon before his interview," John explained.

"Damn," I muttered. "He must have left the SGC while they had me locked up in that conference room so I didn't get to meet him ... again! Didn't get to see anyone other than General O'Neill back on Earth either. They were all off on various missions."

"Well it wasn't exactly a social visit," John reminded me, urging me to keep walking. "Now as I recall I made you a promise before you left."

"Shouldn't we say goodbye to Ronon first?" I glanced over my shoulder at where the two men still waited.

"Already done before you got here," John didn't even pause in his stride. "I said good luck from you too."

"That was nice of you," I smiled, letting myself be swept away on the wave of his enthusiasm. "I missed you," I said once we were tucked away in our quarters.

"You can tell me all about it later," John replied. "I'm off duty and lucky for you I remember exactly where we were up to before you left." And then he launched us straight from 'hello how are you' into passion before I had time to draw breath. As far as welcome homes went it was right up there with the best of them.

oOo

It was already dark when John and I headed up to the Control Room so I could check in with Sam and update her on my interview. Rodney had called John up there as well ... both he and Sam discussing something when we arrived.

"What's goin' on?" John asked Rodney curiously. Sam was standing looking at the screen over Rodney's shoulder.

"Intergalactic Bridge is down," Rodney announced.

"How'd that happen?" John asked with a frown.

"I don't know," Rodney admitted. "We're sending the daily status reports to the SGC and we can't connect to Midway."

"Some kind of malfunction, either in one of the Gates or the call-forwarding macro," Sam added.

"It's probably just a glitch – a simple software hiccup," Rodney dismissed lightly.

"Hiccup?" John looked at Rodney expectantly.

"We hope," Sam seemed to be treating it just a little more seriously than Rodney was.

"Ronon and Teal'c!" John said abruptly.

"The malfunction occurred several minutes after they went through," Rodney explained without concern. "I'm sure they made it to Midway."

"But we can't be absolutely certain," Sam discounted, earning an indignant look from Rodney.

"Those Gates are in space," John pointed out grimly. "If they walked through, then ..." he trailed off at that unpleasant thought.

"No-no-no-no-no," Rodney protested impatiently. "Look, the glitch occurred at M4F-788. That is a planetary Gate at the edge of the Pegasus galaxy which means – worst case scenario – they stepped through the puddle and they found themselves stranded on an uninhabited planet."

"Stranded," John repeated. "More time together – just what they need!"

"All indications are they made it all the way to Midway but we can check that by dialling M4F-788 independently," Rodney explained, quickly punching the seven symbols.

The gate ran through the sequence but didn't lock, earning a frown from Rodney. He tried again without success and began muttering to himself under his breath as he tapped away furiously at the console.

"Rodney?" John demanded.

"_Working_," Rodney shot back, concentrating on his screens.

A few minutes later, still frowning Rodney sat back. "There's nothing wrong with the dialling sequence or anything else at our end ... let's try dialling 788 again."

The gate did its thing, this time not stopping until the kawhoosh announced a connection.

"We've got a lock," Sam confirmed.

"Finally," John said in relief.

"Yeah. It seems someone was dialling out from 788," Rodney explained. "It was preventing us from dialling in until now."

"Ronon and Teal'c?" John questioned.

"I doubt it," Rodney denied. "Look, even if the malfunction spat them out on the planet, the only logical address they would dial was back to Atlantis, which, as we know, they didn't."

"Could they be there but not be able to get a lock?" I asked Rodney hopefully.

"Ronon, Teal'c, are you there?" Sam activated the comms after Rodney's shrug indicated that as possible. There was no reply so Sam tried again. "Ronon, Teal'c, this is Colonel Carter. Please respond."

"I'm telling you – they made it to the Midway Station before the malfunction," Rodney insisted when there was still no response. "I'm sure of it."

"Wait a minute," John asked with a puzzled frown. "Didn't you say 788 is uninhabited?"

"It is," Rodney agreed.

"All right – if it's not Ronon and Teal'c, then who dialled out?" John pointed out that glaring inconsistency.

"Ah ... good point," Rodney responded, looking to Sam in concern.

"Get a MALP ready," Sam ordered. "Let's find out."

I stood with John and Sam on the balcony overlooking the Stargate, watching the Techs getting the MALP ready. Rodney was poised at his console, waiting for his screens to show something as the MALP travelled slowly through the open wormhole.

"MALP is through," he announced. "Receiving telemetry. Visual coming in now."

We all looked at the wall screen as the video feed came through, showing a sandy desert like planet with a rocky outcrop a short distance away.

"See? No Ronon, no Teal'c," Rodney pointed out.

"Pan left," Sam ordered.

The camera moved slowly, giving us a view of the DHD – it had cables trailing from it that certainly weren't Earth based.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked Rodney with a sense of foreboding.

"That's Wraith tech," Rodney confirmed. "It's hooked up to the DHD."

"Pan right," Sam instructed grimly.

This time we got a rocky ridge with something dark on top that wasn't quite visible until the camera tilted up and that darkness was revealed as a Wraith cruiser.

"Oh crap!" John uttered the words with a grim expression.

Before we could react further a Wraith guard walked into view with stunner aimed at the MALP. It wasn't surprising when he fired and the screen went blank.

"We lost the feed," Rodney said unnecessarily.

"Yeah, not to mention the MALP," John retorted sarcastically. "Shut down the Gate."

"Is it possible for them to have hijacked the Intergalactic Bridge?" Sam questioned Rodney.

"This is a hell of a lot more than a "hiccup"!" John looked at Rodney irritably.

"No-no-no-no, it's impossible!" Rodney insisted. "I mean, first they'd have to know about the Bridge and even if they did, there's too many security barriers in place. Look, encryption I used on the call-forwarding macros would take them years to try to ..."

"What if they knew the passwords?" John interrupted impatiently.

"How?" Rodney demanded. I could see where John was going though ... our Wraith 'friend', the infamous Todd!

"We just had a Wraith on base, Rodney, working with you, side by side, on your computers," John pointed out.

"You mean Todd?" Rodney looked at John with dawning understanding. "He was our ally! Look, even if he wanted, there's no way he could hack into my system ..." Rodney trailed off as the doubts began to surface. "Could he?"

"You saw the tech hooked up to the DHD," John insisted. "What else could they be up to?"

"All right, listen, we have to get to Midway," Sam said decisively. "The Daedalus is back on Earth. Is there another way we can get there?"

"Well, connect to the Bridge via another Gate in Pegasus," Rodney suggested.

"Then we have to find one that's close to the outer edge," Sam concluded. Rodney brought up the star map with M4F-788 and its surroundings displayed.

"There's M6R-125," he pointed to a nearby dot. "We could connect to the Bridge through that, but I'd need to reconfigure the macro."

"OK, get on it," Sam ordered. "Colonel, prepare a strike force."

Rodney turned back to his console, already beginning to alter his program. John nodded to Sam and then to me before getting on his radio as he strode from the room.

"Did you want to fill me in on your interview?" Sam looked at me approachably. "It'll be at least a few minutes before they're ready to go."

"Okay," I followed Sam and gave her a quick rundown, ending by passing on Jack's regards.

"General O'Neill was there?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Yeah," I smiled fondly. "He said it was for the cake – they don't make it right in Washington apparently – but I think he was just making sure the IOA couldn't go around him. Thanks for speaking to him about me by the way."

"No problem," Sam said simply. "You're done?" she looked up and asked when Rodney appeared in her doorway.

"We're good to go," Rodney announced, urging Sam to follow him back to the Control Room. John was already there and I shot him a quick smile before turning back to Rodney.

"We're re-directed," Rodney explained, pointing to the star map. "We gate from Atlantis to M6R-125. We insert this crystal with the Bridge macros into the DHD., dial the first Gate in the void and we're back on track all the way to Midway."

"Is your strike force ready?" Sam asked John.

"As soon as McKay gears up, we're ready to go," John announced.

"Well, I'm not ...," Rodney began before sighing in resignation. "All right, I'm gearing up."

The brief wait for Rodney to go get his gear gave me just enough time to talk to John. I didn't bother to ask if I could go along, knowing there was no way to justify my inclusion that would satisfy Sam, let alone John.

"Be careful," I said to him in a low tone, walking with him down the steps to the Gateroom floor where a large contingent of Atlantis soldiers stood ready. It wasn't like John hadn't gone out on dangerous missions before but I'd never gotten complacent or learned to take for granted that he'd make it back okay. Every such leaving was therefore a strange mix of trying to be positive along with masking the desire for a fervent goodbye spurred on by unnameable fears.

"It'll be fine," John said confidently. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Make sure you are," I ordered briskly, earning a small smile in return.

"Colonel Sheppard," Sam drew our attention just as the Stargate kawhooshed a connection to M6R-125. "Let's make sure they can't use Midway to get to Earth. Then Rodney, establish contact with Earth and inform them of the situation."

There was no time for further goodbyes. I had to be content with a small smile and wave as John urged his team through the gate.

"Waiting again," I said to Sam once the Stargate sat silent again. "You know I hate that right?"

"I can't say I'm all that fond of it myself," Sam replied with a sigh. "Especially since I'm still more used to being on the team heading out rather than staying behind like this."

"We'll hear something back soon enough," I tried to be jovial but Sam saw right through me.

"You've covered a bit of ground today," she commented. "Why don't you go get some rest? I'll let you know as soon as they report."

"Okay," I hadn't slept well the whole time back on Earth so I nodded my thanks almost happily. I wasn't exactly relaxed but if I'd known it would be two weeks before I'd hear word of John I wouldn't have gone off for a nap with even that level of ease.

**Authors Note:**

While I love the whole Midway episode the sight of a Wraith with fingers over an Earth keyboard in the classic QWERTY formation had me cringing and brought back the same 'This is ridiculous' thoughts as for "Michael". Maybe Todd after weeks on Atlantis would have learnt to use our technology but to pass that on to other Wraith? I know it's just a show but I would have preferred seeing the Wraith using some kind of Wraith/Earth interface like Rodney created in The Lost Boys than just sitting at the keyboard doing 60 words per minute. But that's just me.

As usual these days I am pushed for time ... thank you to those reviewing the last chapter - rest assured I will be replying soon. Rather than hold off this chapter until I could get to that though I decided to post it right now before I take my weary self off to bed. Wow - we're getting to the business end of Season 4 now!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 53_


	63. You volunteered us for a mission?

**Chapter 53: You volunteered us for a mission?**

I returned to the Control Room two hours later, only to discover that every effort to dial in to Midway had proven useless, even though Rodney should have fixed things with his redirect crystal. Either the Pegasus Gate on Midway was in use or somehow it had been disabled so that we couldn't dial in. I was concerned but not worried ... it wasn't unusual for things to take longer than expected to fix, even for the great Rodney McKay.

Having nothing constructive to do left us waiting for _them_ to send word to _us_, either directly or via Earth. That approach took us another couple of hours into the night with no news ... that's when my worry began to escalate.

At that point Sam decided the use of ZPM power was worth it and dialled Earth directly. The fact that I'd been pacing around the Control Room since I'd returned, getting more and more agitated with every minute that passed without word had nothing to do with that ... although perhaps there was a slight smidgeon of taking pity on me in her decision.

"Stargate Command this is Atlantis," Sam announced once the connection was established. "What's your status?"

"It's good to hear from you," General Landry said with evident relief. "We feared Midway had been destroyed when we didn't hear back immediately."

"We're not using the Intergalactic Bridge Sir," Sam admitted with a concerned look around the Control Room. "We sent through a strike force, led by Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay, a couple of hours after the malfunction occurred. When we didn't hear anything from Midway and we couldn't establish a lock I decided a direct dial in was warranted. What happened Sir?"

"The Wraith sent through a stun device to the SGC," General Landry reported. "Knocked us all unconscious and sent the whole facility into lockdown. A number of Wraith managed to make it through ... who knows what they could have done if Ronon and Teal'c hadn't come through after them. As it stands, all the Wraith are accounted for with minimal injury on our side."

"That's a relief Sir," Sam replied. "Ronon and Teal'c had no idea what was happening on Midway?"

"No," General Landry said seriously. "We've tried to contact them also with no success. The Daedalus is on its way there but it'll be two weeks before they arrive even pushing the hyperdrive engines. At the very least we have to assume the gate bridge has been damaged – with any luck Doctor McKay is working on fixing it as we speak and we'll hear from them before the Daedalus gets there."

"Let's hope so Sir," Sam responded as positively as she could manage. "We'll check in a week from now. Atlantis out." Motioning for Chuck to cut the connection she turned to Teyla and I with a frown. "Not the news we were hoping for," she commented grimly.

"We could take a Jumper out there," I proposed hopefully. "Gate to the last Stargate in the network and then sublight the rest of the way."

"You're still looking at more than a week's travel," Sam pointed out. "You won't get there much before the Daedalus and if things are worse than just a disabled Gate it won't be soon enough to help them."

"We should still try," I argued. "I'm happy to spend the time and what's the harm? The Wraith would be long gone now their doorway to Earth isn't working anymore."

"Unless they're still there trying to fix it," Sam said reluctantly. "I don't want to think that's the case any more than you do because it means we've lost our people but I have to consider the possibility."

"We can go in cloaked, check it out first," I persisted. "And if they manage to fix things while we're en route you can get them to leave us a message of some kind so we'll know what happened when we get there." Sensing that Sam was weakening I resorted to pleading. "Please let me do this."

Sam thought for a moment, focussing on me with an assessing look as she worked through the pros and cons. "Okay," she agreed finally. "Major Lorne can lead the mission. Load up the Jumper with enough supplies to get you there and back, just in case."

"Thank you," I felt my spirits lift now I was doing something to help find John and the others.

oOo

Major Lorne found me while I was checking existing supplies in Jumper two.

"You volunteered us for a mission," he commented from the open hatch.

"Do you mind?" I asked, thinking that maybe he was annoyed I hadn't spoken to him first.

"Of course not," Evan replied with a frown. "I'm just ... concerned about what we might find. Are you sure you want to be along for that? I'll still be leading the mission even if you want to sit this one out."

"I appreciate the offer but the sooner I know the better," I replied firmly. "I've been running all the possibilities through my head – I need the distraction, need to do _something_."

"All right," Evan agreed simply. "Make sure we've got enough to see us there and back. Add in a return trip with a maximum load just in case we ..." he trailed off without saying it.

"_When_ we find survivors," I finished it for him with a confident nod. "I'll see to it."

oOo

And then we were away, having committed ourselves to a long and tedious trip with an uncertain conclusion.

Nothing of note happened during the journey ... in fact the four of us deliberately _didn't_ talk about the reason we were out there. We could have been going to a barn dance for all the evident attention we gave to the mission objective. On the surface anyway ... I didn't know about my team mates, but every spare watt of _my_ mental energy was going into alternating between praying we'd find John, Rodney and the others alive and trying desperately not to think about it at all.

Almost two weeks later we arrived at the location of the Midway Station.

Only it wasn't there anymore. Instead we found enough floating debris, spread out over a vast area, to account for it's whereabouts. Given two weeks of inertial movement from the point of origin it told a grim story about the fate of the station.

"There was an explosion," Evan confirmed, checking the readings on the sensors. "Could have been the self destruct though – it would have been the easy way to make sure the Wraith couldn't keep sending more troops through."

"Then where is everyone?" I couldn't help the quiver in my voice. Parker and Brown both made as if the view screens in their seats behind pilot and copilot were the most interesting things in the entire galaxy, leaving Evan to look after me.

"I'll start scanning sector by sector," Evan tried to reassure me. "If they used the Jumper as an escape pod it might take a while to locate them."

"We all know there were too many of our people on that station to fit in one Puddle Jumper," I said, despairing of finding John alive and well. "I ah ...," I took a shuddering breath, trying to reign in my emotions. "I need to ...," I gestured vaguely to the back section, quickly making my way there and slamming the bulk head closed behind me.

And then I just let go, sobbing violently for John, convinced that this time I wasn't going to get that lucky reprieve. I don't know how long I checked out for but I was staring fixedly at the wall opposite me when Evan reopened the bulkhead.

"Sabina," he said gently. "We just picked up an incoming ship on long range sensors. It's the Daedalus – they'll be here in half an hour."

"Anything on the scans?" I asked blankly, carefully not making eye contact. "Communications?"

"Not so far," Evan replied. "We've still got a bit of ground to cover. It'll go faster with the Daedalus here – their equipment is much stronger than the Puddle Jumper's. We'll keep going until they get here and then we'll dock, fill them in on the sectors we've already searched."

"Okay," I turned away, resuming my examination of ... nothing.

"Don't give up," Evan said softly before leaving me to my solitude.

The Daedalus arrived and Major Lorne flew us into the F302 bay. Ronon was waiting when we opened the back hatch.

"Have you guys picked up any signs of Sheppard or the others?" Evan asked him as soon as we stepped out of the Jumper.

"We will," Ronon looked at me when he made that promise and I tried to borrow something from his conviction.

"It's good to see you're okay," I told him in a low tone, letting him pull me in for a comforting hug.

"They're out there," Ronon assured me.

I couldn't respond, just nodded quickly, and then followed the others to the Bridge.

oOo

An hour later the Daedalus finally found something. It was Midway's Puddle Jumper but when Colonel Caldwell called them on the radio there was no response.

"Bring it into the 302 Bay," Caldwell ordered.

I kept up with Ronon's long strides as we both rushed down there. I couldn't think why John wouldn't have answered the Daedalus' hail but finding something was still better than nothing at all.

Ronon hit the external hatch controls and we both stepped back, waiting to see what we'd find inside. It only took a micro second for me to realise that John wasn't amongst the people inside the back section.

"Rodney!" I pushed past the other occupants, grabbing his shirt front and demanding information impatiently. "Where's John?"

"Forward section," Rodney turned and hit the button to open the bulkhead. Everything inside me leapt when I saw John slumped in the pilot's seat. He'd swivelled the chair so he could use it and the seat behind as a make shift recliner. He was actually sleeping, headphones over his ears!

"Oh God," I leant against the wall unsteadily. "I thought ...," I trailed off with a desperate look at Rodney.

"He lasted about a day," Rodney explained. "Sealed himself in there."

Wordlessly I pushed away from the wall and hugged Rodney quickly, letting him go just as quickly hoping he'd know I was glad to see him alive too.

"Wh-where are we?" Bill Lee asked in disbelief.

"Daedalus 302 Bay," Ronon replied. "We saw you, we scooped you up; we're heading back to Atlantis."

"Thank God!" Peter Kavanagh exclaimed. It was petty but I couldn't help but think if that guy had survived and John hadn't there would have been no justice in the world. It was already clear from the small numbers present that we'd lost a number of people on Midway, most of those on the teams John had chosen for the mission.

"Midway was destroyed," Rodney told us.

"Yeah, we saw," Ronon glanced in at John and then back to me. "No wonder he didn't hear the radio call - you gonna wake him up?"

"What?" I realised I'd just been staring at John and blushed in embarrassment. "Of course I'm going to wake him up!"

Moving forward I stopped by John's chair and contemplated how best to do that. "Look away gentlemen," I joked before straddling John's legs and leaning down lightly on his chest.

John shot to wakefulness as soon as he felt my weight, dropping his feet to the floor. His eyes locked with mine and in that instant he pieced together everything he needed to work out how I could be there. He said nothing, just ripped his headphones off and then threaded his fingers through the back of my hair, pulling me into him and kissing me urgently.

I kissed him back, not even caring if Ronon and Rodney were still there or not.

"God I missed you," John pulled back to look at me intently. "I would have anyway but two weeks stuck in a Jumper with those guys? I swear if I hadn't locked myself in here I would have taken a stunner to the lot of them ... repeatedly."

"Even Rodney?" I quipped, grinning because I was just so damn happy to be sitting there in his lap looking at his beard roughened face.

"Okay, maybe not Rodney," John allowed. "Not that I'm not very happy to see you but, how'd you get here?"

"Gated as close as we could and then did almost two weeks of my own in Jumper Two with Lorne and the others," I explained simply. Remembering how I'd felt only an hour before my lips quivered and I could feel tears welling into my eyes. "We didn't know what had happened to you ... then we got here and there was no trace of you. Oh John, I really thought ...," I swallowed hard, looking at him miserably.

"I'm sorry," John settled me into his arms so my head was resting on his chest. "But it wasn't by choice. The Wraith booby trapped the Gate – when we shut it down to stop them sending through more reinforcements it triggered the self destruct. Rodney couldn't shut it off in time so we were forced to abandon the station."

"You survived," I affirmed gratefully. I hugged him tightly for a time before reluctantly stirring myself. "I'm sure you want to get out of here and Colonel Caldwell probably wants an update too."

"Duty calls," John acknowledged, helping me off his lap and then standing up beside me. "Let's get it done then so we can have a proper reunion."

"Now you're talking!" I grinned, desperate feelings forgotten for the time being.

oOo

Of course Ronon passed his interview with the IOA based solely on the impressive performance he'd given in ridding the SGC of Wraith. Teyla and I passed as well, both of us agreeing that Ronon had gotten off easily in the whole scheme of things.

It wasn't until we we'd been back on Atlantis for a couple of weeks that I found out just how close I'd come to losing John. We were sitting in the Mess at dinner and Rodney was ribbing John about something that had happened that day.

"Well at least you didn't make me vent the atmosphere this time," Rodney returned one of John's comments jokingly.

"When did he do that?" I asked curiously.

"Didn't he tell you?" Rodney asked, suddenly serious. "On Midway when the Wraith were about to overrun us. John ordered me to vent the air even though he wasn't at the Puddle Jumper. I seriously thought I'd killed him. I don't know how he did it but somehow he managed to get himself into one of the spacesuits before he completely ran out of oxygen."

"Something you _forgot_ to tell me?" I raised an eyebrow at John in annoyed disbelief.

"I was just too happy seeing you again," John tried to go the charming, flatterer path.

"You are in big trouble mister," I got up, held out a hand to him imperiously and ordered "on your feet soldier."

"Yes Ma'am," John kept a straight face with difficultly, more than amused by my attempt at being stern and commanding. "Sorry guys," he said to his team, grabbing my hand and assisting me in pulling him from his chair. "Looks like we're leaving now."

"Have fun," Ronon smirked.

oOo

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about that," I said in all seriousness, moving to gaze out the window once we were back in our room.

"You were already too upset thinking I'd died when the station blew up," John came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Resting his chin on top of my head he sighed. "I couldn't make it any worse by telling you all the details."

"I get that," I turned into him and looked up with a frown. "But what about after? We were on the Daedalus for almost two weeks!"

"I suppose I wanted to avoid just this reaction," John admitted honestly. "I didn't have any choice you know and I didn't make the decision to give that order to Rodney lightly. Thinking of how you'd find a way to make me pay if I didn't make it spurned me to push myself when I thought I couldn't go any further."

"You wouldn't be the man I love if you'd done anything different," I acknowledged, sighing as I added, "although you do make that role very difficult at times."

"No more than you these days," John pointed out. "So, what's my punishment for leaving out some of the details?"

"Well ...," I smiled as I insinuated my hands under his shirt and ran them up his back. "You could show me some of the upside of being Mrs Sheppard."

"You mean this?" John wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me easily. I felt the muscles rippling in his back as he turned and carried me over to our bed, gently settling me to sit on the edge. Kneeling down before me he unlaced and removed each of my boots in turn.

"This is a good start," I murmured, running my hands through the scruffy hair I loved so much. Leaning into my caresses John rested his forehead against my stomach for a moment before grinning up at me.

"Got any other orders?" he joked.

"Give me everything you've got," I locked eyes with his deeply, ignoring the joke as I demanded what I wanted.

"Sabina," John made my name a solemn caress, rising up to kiss me deeply. I reciprocated with the intensity of emotion bubbling away inside me. There was nothing really different about that night compared with any of the others we'd shared together. And yet I couldn't deny the heightened connection ... the zing of compatible Lantean genes feeding backwards and forwards between the two of us along with the unexplainable edge that was just the inherent chemistry of 'John and Sabina' together.

I didn't register the logistical moves to get us from fully clothed to naked ... John was a master at that part of the journey, never breaking the mood with the practicalities. But I jolted when it was just us, skin to skin from head to toe.

"John," I moaned as he shifted against me, making everything fuzzy around the edges so that I could focus only on him.

He pulled out all the stops, getting me so worked up with desire that I was desperate and pleading with him to finish it before he'd even made the two of us into one. When that moment came I didn't try to stop the emotional tears from marking tracks across my face. That I could do that, be overcome with emotion and feel comfortable revealing it, showed how far I'd come from the Sabina who'd shared similar moments with John that first time three years before.

I felt the release in every part of myself, felt him at the very core of me. He was murmuring endearments and telling me how much he loved me during his own release ... it was intense and beautiful, the same and yet different as well.

"Wow," I was boneless and relaxed beyond belief when I came back down to Earth in the aftermath. "Where did that come from?"

"I have no idea," John said languidly, "but give me an hour or so and I'll see if I can stage a repeat performance."

"An hour huh?" I smiled, pressing a kiss to his chest before resting my head against his shoulder. "Ambitious."

"You asked for everything," John reminded me. "If you can still move in the morning then I haven't delivered."

"Now you're just bragging," I laughed outright, wanting nothing more than to gather him up and hold him close forever.

"We'll see," John spoiled that one by yawning tiredly. We were both still smiling as we settled down to sleep.

**Authors Note:**

I spent some time considering whether the Midway Puddle Jumper would have some kind of distress beacon to alert rescuers to its position in space. Ronon says they 'saw' the Jumper which sounds to me like they didn't ... I decided to take that angle because it made for a better reunion sequence, even though really an escape pod should have had both a beacon and a proximity alarm so they'd get rescued easier _and_ know when their rescuers were close by!

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 54_


	64. You can’t let her do this

**Chapter 54: You can't let her do this**

"Did you see Teyla today?" John asked me the next evening. We had the entertainment room to ourselves and were ensconced together on the couch watching a movie.

"No," I looked at him in concern. "Everything all right?"

"As far as I know," John replied. "Rodney just mentioned she was distracted at lunch, that she'd had a dream about Kanaan begging for help, only she called it a vision."

"What do _you_ think?" I asked curiously.

"That it's been six months since the Athosian's were taken and the closer it gets to her due date the greater her desperation to find them," John said reluctantly. "I don't want to tell her to give up on her people but the trail's been cold for too long – not that I think she'd listen anyway."

"Since Davos told her they were alive but shrouded in mystery she's believed she'll find them," I commented with a shake of my head. "Maybe she would have accepted this by now if not for that".

"Yeah well on top of the current epidemic I could do without the additional complication," John admitted.

"How bad is it?" I'd already heard that the planet Team Sheppard had visited that day had been affected by the same illness we'd recently found on other planets but I hadn't had a chance to catch up with Jennifer on the specifics.

"Keller estimates deaths to the order of 200,000 galaxy wide," John replied starkly.

"God, that many?" That familiar 'this is bad, should I panic now or later?' feeling swept over me.

"I know," John ran a hand down my arm as if he'd sensed that panicky wave and was trying to sooth it away. "Jennifer's working on a cure but it won't come soon enough for some of the planets we deal with."

"And we can't even warn them," I commented frustratedly, "because the next outbreak is impossible to predict."

"We just have to be patient and help out as best we can," John concluded.

Settling back against the couch together I made a mental note to myself to talk to both Jennifer and Teyla the next day.

oOo

Teyla made that easy for me by turning up at our door early enough the next morning that John and I were both still there.

"May I speak with you?" she asked John hopefully.

"Sure, come in," John stood aside and motioned her in. "Is something wrong?"

"I had another vision last night," Teyla said urgently. "Kanaan held out the pendant I gave him before they were taken and begged me to come and find him. I _know _you are sceptical John but this was not a dream."

"Why is the pendant significant?" I asked Teyla curiously.

"He held it out as a clue for their location," Teyla explained. "I purchased it from an artisan in the village of Croya. I believe he was asking me to go there, that somewhere in the village are the clues to finding him."

"Don't you think it's unlikely they'd have anything to do with the disappearance of your people?" John pointed out reasonably.

"Croya is a peaceful settlement," Teyla agreed. "Still I believe the clues _are_ there."

"If this is a vision, if it's Kanaan really making contact, then why doesn't he just tell you where he is?" John asked practically. "Why the cryptic puzzle?"

"I do not know," Teyla said impatiently. "All I know is that I _must _go to Croya and speak to the artisan. I cannot rest unless I have pursued every angle, no matter how unlikely."

"I can understand that," John agreed with the sentiment. "Let me speak to Colonel Carter. All the off world teams are busy providing assistance because of this sickness so we'll have to be quick but I should be able to convince her."

"Thank you John," Teyla said in relief. "I will wait to hear Samantha's decision." Sending a smile my way, Teyla turned and took her leave, her gait slow and careful.

"Should she be going off world so late in her pregnancy?" I asked worriedly. "Seven and a half months is still a long way from full term but she's not exactly her usual mobile self."

"I'll check out the planet first, make sure it's safe," John promised. "I should do that now ... speak to Colonel Carter before she gets too busy with other stuff."

"Okay," I nodded, "but can you let me know what she says, whether you're going or not?"

John agreed readily, finishing the usual morning get ready activities quickly so he could get moving. Coming over to where I was still stretched out on the bed he kissed me goodbye.

"You staying in bed all day?" he queried semi seriously.

"I'm up," I held out a hand for him to help me, taking the opportunity to hug him before I released him. "Go talk to Sam – I'll catch up with you later."

"Later," John agreed, ruffling my hair before dancing out of reach. Throwing a wave to me at the door he disappeared down the corridor.

oOo

"Sabina," John's voice issued from my radio a few hours later. He'd already radioed me once that morning to tell me he was taking Teyla to Croya and I assumed this was the follow up call to tell me how they went.

"Any luck with Teyla's vision?" I asked hopefully.

"No and I'm not calling about that," John replied briskly. "Jennifer's located the source of the sickness. It's not natural – it's a variant of the Hoffan virus Beckett helped create. Someone is deliberately distributing it randomly throughout the galaxy, probably in the food and water supply. Colonel Carter wants us to go to Hoff, see if we can find out how they got a hold of it."

"Wasn't Hoff destroyed by the Wraith ages ago?" I couldn't see what Sam hoped to find in the wreckage.

"Yes and it's unlikely we'll find anything in what's left," John agreed. "But we have to make sure of that before we try a different angle."

"Of course," I nodded even though John couldn't see me. "Okay, well I guess I'll see you at dinner instead of lunch. Be careful."

"Always am," John returned with the smile evident in his voice.

oOo

"Sabina," it was Major Lorne's voice over the radio this time.

"I'm here," I replied, eyes still on the text I'd been reading. Ever since I'd discovered my true origins I'd been spending the odd hour here and there searching the database for any personal records on Cato and Levana (even in my head I couldn't bring myself to call them my parents).

"Gear up," Lorne ordered. "We're taking Teyla to M2S-181."

"Wasn't she there just this morning with John's team?" I frowned in surprise.

"Yeah but she needs to go back again," Evan explained. "Get your gear and meet us in the Gateroom asap."

"On my way," I was already shutting off my laptop as I spoke.

Ten minutes later I walked into the Gateroom where everyone else was already gathered, just as the wormhole stabilised.

"Sorry," I muttered even though I couldn't have gotten there any quicker.

"Head out," Lorne ordered, taking a position next to Teyla. I quickly hurried into position on her other side and kept pace as we all stepped through the Gate.

"Did you see anything different this time?" I asked Teyla about her vision as we walked slowly towards the village.

"It was much the same as the others," Teyla explained, "except I was definitely awake. I am sure that this is where I need to be, that Kanaan leads me here for a reason."

"I hope you're right," I said easily, genuinely wanting her to have some good news about her people after so long.

"As do I," Teyla returned, returning to her silent thoughts for the rest of the journey. Teyla wasn't sure what to look for specifically so once in the village we just meandered amongst the stalls, hoping something would jump out at us. Lorne and I walked with Teyla through the busy market with Brown and Parker following closely behind.

"Hmm! Kind of reminds me of the flea markets they used to have back home," he commented conversationally. "Every Sunday, stroll down to the Bay area, find pretty much anything you wanted." He looked at some of the wares on display ruefully. "And a lot of things you didn't."

Teyla had stopped listening though, all her attention on a stall nearby where the merchant was holding up a black pendant to a customer.

"What is it?" Lorne queried, looking from the stall back to Teyla.

Teyla didn't reply ... well not verbally anyway. Instead she reached for the small knife she carried at her belt and walked purposefully forward.

"Teyla?" Evan called again but she ignored him completely. Motioning for me to follow he trailed after her.

"Leave," Teyla almost growled at the customer, her tone stern and her expression glaring.

After a quick glance at the knife she was holding the man high tailed it out of there without a backward glance. Before I could blink Teyla had grabbed the merchant's hand and had her knife pressed to his throat.

"I will ask you once and you will answer me truthfully," she threatened grimly. "Where did you get this pendant?"

"From a trader," the merchant said nervously. "If you like it that much, it's yours with my blessings."

Teyla pulled the knife away from the man's throat, snatching the pendant from his hand and looking at it with a strange mix of anger and despair.

"Is that the pendant?" I asked.

"It is," Teyla agreed. "It belonged to Kanaan." Looking at the merchant again she continued with her questions. "What else did you acquire from this trader?"

The merchant reached back for a small wooden box, setting it on the table in front of Teyla wordlessly. She opened it and began riffling through the contents.

"You know, I don't wanna be difficult here," the merchant was obviously feeling more relaxed now Teyla didn't have a knife at his throat, "but I acquired that merchandise for a price and, while I really don't mind gifting you with an item, from a purely business standpoint, it really doesn't make sense for me to part with my ..."

"This necklace belonged to Balera," she held up the item, talking over the merchant as though he weren't even there. "It was a gift from her parents to mark her coming of age." Holding up a ring she continued. "And this ring belonged to Halling."

"The trader you say you got these things from: when's the last time you saw him?" Lorne asked the merchant, who could see which way this was going to go for him now it seemed his goods were at best stolen property.

"Several days ago, but he comes through here quite regularly," the merchant offered. "In fact, it's more than likely he may pay me a visit today. It would be my pleasure to make the proper introductions."

"Yes it will," Lorne agreed companionably. "My friends here are gonna wait down the walkway. I'll be over at that stall," he pointed to a spot close enough he could keep watch without being too visible. "When our man makes an appearance signal me without making it obvious. We'll do the rest."

"Of course," the merchant agreed. "I assume you'll be taking these items with you ... perhaps we can talk about compensation since I am helping you to apprehend the culprit."

"We can talk later, _after _we have what we need," Lorne countered, making it clear if we weren't successful the merchant would be getting nothing.

Nodding with an air of resigned disappointment the merchant went about his business. Lorne set Teyla and I up on opposing escape routes so that one of us would be able to stop the trader if he tried to run before Lorne could grab him.

I kept a low profile, close enough to the stall that I could see Evan as well at the merchant but not close enough to hear anything. I saw the trader arrive, saw the merchant signal Evan and watched as he approached casually.

"Get ready Teyla," I whispered into the radio.

"Acknowledged."

I could have hoped that the trader ran in my direction but instead when he bolted he headed straight for Teyla. Happily she'd armed herself with a really big stick and she used if very effectively to render him unconscious with just one hit.

Parker and Brown had been busy finding us a room we could use for interrogating our trader friend. Lorne tied the guy to a chair himself, secure enough there was no way he was getting out. We could have waited until he regained consciousness naturally but we didn't have that kind of time, plus I think Evan took a perverse delight in throwing a bucket of cold water on the guy.

He woke up spluttering and coughing, disorientated in the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Wake up!" Evan ordered. I handed him the wooden box so he could show it to the trader. "Look, we need to know where you got this merchandise."

"I do trade so much, it's often hard to keep track of it all," the trader prevaricated.

"Oh yeah?" Evan said in disbelief. "Well, according to the merchant you do business with here, the stuff you've been bringing in lately has been a hell of a lot nicer than your usual crap."

"He said that?" the guy was confident enough to appear insulted by that.

"Yeah. He said that." Lorne reiterated, not impressed with the act.

"Well, there's no accounting for taste," he shook his head sadly. "I can't give up my sources – they're trade secrets."

"I don't give a damn about your trade secrets," Lorne said impatiently. "We wanna know where you got this stuff."

"And if I don't tell you, what are you gonna do?" the trader asked scornfully. "I recognise those uniforms; I've heard the stories. People from Atlantis – do-gooders of the galaxy. You wouldn't hurt me."

"I wear no uniform," Teyla stepped out of the shadows, approaching the trader and smiling unpleasantly.

"A pregnant woman!" he laughed and I could almost hear him chanting 'ooh I'm so scared'. "Very intimidating."

Teyla lifted her trusty branch and put the end of it gently against his chest, pushing hard enough to topple him and the chair over backwards.

"I will inform the villagers that you are a Wraith-worshipper and let them mete out their own justice," she announced almost casually. Looking at us she motioned that we should get moving. "Let's go."

Playing along we all turned and made for the door.

"Wait. Wait!" the trader was suddenly much more interested in dealing. Teyla stopped and looked down at him expectantly. "I got it at an off world dumping ground," he admitted in a rush.

"Dumping ground?" Lorne queried. "For what?"

"Corpses, mostly," the guy said it like the idea of rifling dead bodies for valuables wasn't as disgusting as it sounded. "Loose ends that need to be disappeared."

Teyla got a horrified look on her face as the possible implications registered.

"Occasionally they may still have some valuables on 'em, and valuables they obviously have no use for," the trader continued when none of us reacted.

"This merchandise – you removed it from the dead?" Lorne tried to clarify we understood the guy correctly.

"No – not that merchandise," the trader explained. "The last time I was back at the planet, I spotted what I thought was a fresh grave – a potential new opportunity. But when I dug it up, instead of finding a body, I found a box containing those items. I suppose somebody was just trying to get rid of 'em. It was odd to me at first, but I wasn't just about to ..."

"You will take us to this world," Teyla interrupted to order sternly. "You will show us where you found them."

"Of course," the trader replied suddenly all too helpful. "Whatever you say."

"Get him up," Lorne directed Parker and Brown, who responded by taking an arm each. They untied the guy and, keeping a hand on him, followed Evan, Teyla and I out of the room towards the path leading to the Stargate.

Lorne took the lead and after putting a hand on Teyla's arm reassuringly I quickened my pace so I could walk beside him.

"You can't let her do this," I uttered in a near whisper. "It's too dangerous."

"Try telling _her_ that," Evan whispered his reply, glancing back to Teyla quickly before looking forward again. "She's still got that stick you know!"

"And John will have your head if you let her go and something happens," I retorted harshly.

"I know," Evan looked pained as he realised he really was between a rock and a hard place.

"You don't want Teyla to get hurt," I reminded him of those feelings he'd always held for her, reminded him they should be just as much about protecting her as they were about giving her what she wanted.

"You're right," Lorne agreed reluctantly. "I'll speak to her."

Dropping the pace until we were walking with Teyla again Lorne began. "First thing we do when we get to the Gate is radio back to Atlantis," he told her, "let 'em know where we're going, OK?" He waited until she nodded before broaching the more difficult subject. "Listen, Teyla, I know you're looking for answers to what happened to your people, but I'm thinking maybe it's better if you let us check it out, okay?"

"Major ...," Teyla tried to protest.

"Look, just let us scout ahead, all right?" Evan interrupted before she could get going.

It never occurred to me that this might be the day a 'companion' was taken by the Wraith ... until we heard that familiar whining sound coming from the sky some distance away.

"What is that?" Evan looked up, his expression going hard when he worked it out. "Dart!" he yelled.

We ran down the path as the Dart came into view between us and the Gate. I saw the transporter beam activate and sweep the ground in front of us, saw the trader grab Teyla's arm and hold her in its path.

The choice was easy ... in fact there was no choice at all. Instinctively I threw myself sideways, grabbing Teyla's other arm just as the beam swept over us.

**Authors Note:**

Wow ... we're moving into the endgame already? That went fast! And hey, I bet you all guessed Sabina was going with Teyla, didn't you? LOL Still plenty of story left!

One other thing - it took almost a _year_ for Sam to invite Teyla to call her Sam? Not in my little world ... all the civilians would call her Sam I think.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 11_


	65. Interlude 11: Guilty of what?

****

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

Interlude 11: The question was, guilty of what?

I couldn't recall a day when I'd been through the Gate so many times. First to M2S-181 so that Teyla could pursue her vision ... without success. Then on to Hoff where we discovered that someone had deliberately removed everything to do with their anti-Wraith inoculation. Picking up yet again the subspace signal from the 'thorn in my side' Wraith I'd dubbed Todd had us leaving almost immediately. That's where we worked out that the Wraith themselves weren't responsible for distribution of the Hoffan drug, that they'd been dying indiscriminately across every faction until they'd worked out their food supply was contaminated. Todd believed he knew the culprit and in exchange wanted access to what we knew of the drug so he could counter it with an antidote available only to his allies.

Once the Wraith were out of the picture as the perpetrators we didn't need Todd to tell us who had become suspect number one.

Michael.

I could have hoped that he died along with all the other converted Wraith Sabina had hit with the telepathic expansion device but I guess that was always too good to be true.

Even with Todd's bargaining chip removed he still argued for our research, making it clear he believed he could counteract it faster than us which would be in our interests too because it could help us save our own species from being inoculated too.

It was another 'let's work together' offer that had me cringing as every instinct I possessed yelled DON'T DO IT!

Unfortunately it wasn't up to me so, back on Atlantis without giving Todd an answer, I listened as Rodney gave his reasons for going along with Todd's request. It _did_make sense – even if they weaponised the Hoffan drug it wouldn't be smart to use it against humans. What would they feed on? The only thing they _could_ do was use it as another way to fight amongst themselves.

"So, when you put it that way, giving them our research could be a good thing," I commented once Rodney had concluded, getting a shrug of agreement in return.

At that moment the Stargate began a dial in sequence and I had my first active thought of Sabina since I'd told her we were on the way to Hoff, a kind of 'I wonder what she's up to?' internal conversation.

"Incoming wormhole," Chuck announced.

Colonel Carter seemed unusually interested in the arrivals, leaving her office and heading for the stairs down to the Gateroom, so I tagged alone. When I saw it was the military part of Lorne's team I felt it – that first shiver of instinct inside that said trouble was coming.

Lorne walked towards Carter, his whole demeanour shouting out 'I'm guilty!' ... the question was, guilty of what?

"Major, where's Teyla?" Carter asked in concern, which was bad enough until she added her next question. "Where's Sabina?"

Reluctantly Lorne lifted his head and met Carter's eyes. "I'm sorry Ma'am," he said regretfully. "We were following a lead on the Athosians but it turned out to be a trap. On approach to the Gate a lone Dart appeared – I saw our informant deliberately step into the beam with Teyla in tow." Glancing at me for the first time he visibly winced at my expression. "I'm sorry Sir – Sabina threw herself in with Teyla before I could stop her."

"She _willingly_ stepped into the beam?" I asked flatly.

"Yes Sir," Lorne agreed. "Like I said Sir, it was clear when the Dart appeared that it was a trap to capture Teyla. I believe Sabina knew that too – she was the closest, the only one of us in a position to be any kind of help to Teyla." Meeting my eyes squarely, Evan continued. "I'm really sorry Sir ... I should have stopped her."

"I'm sure you did what you could," I excused Lorne of any guilt, knowing how compelled Sabina would have been to stay close to Teyla, no matter the circumstances. Turning I looked at Colonel Carter grimly. "We need a decision on Todd's offer. If this is part of the same plan he might have intel we can use to track them."

"You think _Michael_ did this?" Rodney asked weakly.

"Who else?" I tried not to let my impatience or my anger show but it was difficult. "But we need to act quickly before the trail goes cold."

"Rodney, load up a tablet with just enough information on the Hoffan drug to get Todd started," Carter ordered decisively. "We'll offer him the rest in exchange for information on Michael, including whether he's responsible for taking Teyla and Sabina."

"Thank you Colonel," I said gratefully. The worry was there, bubbling to close to the surface .... focusing on Todd and what he could tell us was the only way I could ignore it for a time. If Todd couldn't help us ... "_Don't go there John_," I thought firmly.

"John, come up to my office while Rodney's doing that," Carter invited casually, turning and expecting me to follow. Once inside she turned to me in concern. "We can't afford to make this personal," she warned me. "I understand you want to find Teyla and Sabina as quickly as possible but we have a bigger mission here too – those 200,000 humans who _will_ perish if we don't stop the distribution of this drug."

"The two motives aren't mutually exclusive," I argued. "If Michael's behind this then progressing one should help us with the other."

"And if he isn't behind this?" Carter asked quietly.

"He is," I insisted, sure to my gut that I was right.

"Very well," Carter nodded once, "go see Todd, find out what you can."

"Thank you Colonel," I said again, making my exit quickly before she could change her mind.

oOo

When we got to the derelict cruiser there were Wraith guards shifting the dead bodies we'd seen before. Todd appeared just as I was aiming my weapon in preparation for taking them down.

"Ah, don't mind them," Todd dismissed in his creepy 'jovial' Wraith voice. "They're just here to help with the clean-up."

I motioned for Rodney and Ronon to lower their weapons and stepped aside for the guards to drag the body away.

"I assume you've agreed to my terms," Todd commented casually.

"Not exactly," I admitted.

"You do not wish to know who is responsible for these unfortunate events?" Todd queried in surprise.

"We already know – at least, we have a pretty good guess," Rodney supplied.

"We call him Michael. Don't ask why," I continued. "He used to be a Wraith. Now he's a ... I'm not sure what the hell he is."

"I know the one of whom you speak, and I believe you are correct," Todd revealed.

"Confirmation without us giving you anything," I acknowledged. "That's very generous."

"Obviously there's more you want from me, or you would not have come," Todd said complacently.

"Maybe we just came to kill you," Ronon suggested, his feral grin firmly in place.

"Did you?!" Todd returned without fear.

"Unfortunately, no," I let him off the hook on that score, sending a glance Ronon's way that said 'tone it down'.

"Well, there's always next time," Todd seemed amused at the thought.

"Two of our people – Teyla and Sabina – were taken by a Dart today," Rodney explained at my urging.

"Your ... mate?" Todd pinned me with a sharply interested look. I must have looked surprised that he knew that detail because he added "I met her during my most recent stay on Atlantis."

"My wife," I confirmed, my voice tight with a host of emotions I wouldn't have been able to name individually.

"I am sorry John Sheppard," Todd did seem genuinely regretful as he made the comment. "Under normal circumstances they would have already become a meal for their captors."

"This was no culling," Rodney looked at me in concern as he disagreed with Todd's assessment of Sabina and Teyla's circumstances. "Teyla was targeted. Someone set a trap."

"And you suspect this ... what do you call him? Michael?" Todd concluded.

"Well, if not, the timing's a hell of a coincidence," I returned impatiently. Todd acknowledged the logic of that so I went on to what I wanted from him. "I need you to tap your intel sources, find something useful."

"This tablet," Rodney reached around for the computer he had strapped to his back, "has the address of an off world relay station. If you leave a message for us, we'll get it. It also has our research on the Hoffan drug."

Todd took the tablet and immediately activated it with apparent ease. Teaching him about Earth based technology had been another one of those 'not a good idea in hindsight' mistakes we'd made lately.

"Just enough to whet your appetite," I pointed out. "You find something we can use, we'll give you the rest."

"Well, I'll see what I can do," Todd smiled one of those unpleasant toothy Wraith grins that had us glaring back at him in annoyance.

There was nothing else we could do but wait for him to find us something ... no choice left but to return home with our figurative fingers crossed.

oOo

"Colonel?" I turned to see Major Lorne striding quickly down the corridor to catch up with me. We'd been back in the city only a few minutes so he hadn't wasted any time.

"Major," I acknowledged, slowing so that he call fall into step beside me.

"Have you got a minute Sir?" Evan asked. I glanced at him, noting the blank expression on his face that didn't match the misery in his eyes. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he felt compelled to tell me but I knew Sabina would have my head if I didn't give him the chance.

"Sure," I replied, changing direction and leading the way to the nearest balcony.

"My team ... _I _need to be a part of any mission to rescue Sabina and Teyla ... Sir," Lorne rushed out quickly, thankfully skipping repeating the apologies he'd already uttered in the Gateroom.

"You don't think I'd assign you?" I asked curiously.

"I'm not sure I deserve the chance to help make this right Sir," Evan admitted grimly. "I should have realised it was a trap ... us finding that guy so easily after your team found nothing only hours before. Him agreeing to show us where he found that necklace. It had _set up_ written all over it and I should have seen that."

"Easy to think so in hindsight Major," I said lightly, leaning on the balcony with my back to the ocean. "Was Teyla suspicious? Or Sabina?"

Lorne winced when I spoke Sabina's name. "No," he admitted. "Not that they mentioned anyway. I can't believe I let her get taken in a culling beam again," Evan looked down at the ground for a moment before meeting my eyes again. "It all happened so fast."

"It usually does," I returned wryly, "and Sabina has a mind of her own ... a _strong_ mind. You wouldn't have stopped her even if you'd had prior warning."

"No Sir," Lorne replied, relaxing just a little, although his eyes still showed how upset he was. I knew he and Sabina had formed a strong friendship - it was inevitable with team mates, particularly those who'd been through what Evan and Sabina had together. So I found myself in the odd position of feeling the need to reassure him ... most of that was because to do otherwise would disappoint my wife ... not a position I wanted to be in at any time, but especially not right then.

"We'll get them back," I said it with firm surety. "Request accepted Major ... when we hear from Todd, you and your team will be included in the mission."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne said gratefully.

Nodding, I turned and left him standing on the balcony. It was hard to control my own emotions, even harder to allow for the emotions of others, to allow that others had a claim on Sabina's affections too and would therefore be feeling some of what I was feeling. Having nothing else to do, I went in search of what was left of my team.

oOo

A short while later I sat with Ronon and Rodney in the Mess Hall, watching Rodney shoving food in his mouth like he'd been starved for a week.

"How can you eat right now?" Ronon asked with a hint of distaste in his voice, even though Rodney's capacity to think of his stomach even during a crisis was well documented.

"Kidding?" Rodney talked through a full mouth. "It's the first decent meal I've had all day. Besides, we're not gonna help Teyla or Sabina at all starving ourselves. I'm just trying to keep my strength up. I suggest you two do the same."

My face went blank at the mention of Sabina's name ... the worry and anger a constant presence not quite at the back of my mind.

"Hey," Ronon looked at me in concern. "We'll find them."

"This sitting around waiting is driving me nuts," I ground out. "I've gotta do _something_."

I looked up and saw Sam approaching our table ... something had happened.

"Colonel," she greeted me.

I was standing before I registered the movement ... bracing myself as I waited for her next words.

"Looks like Todd came through for you," she continued.

"He did?!" Rodney asked incredulously.

"We just got a message from the relay station," Sam explained. "Apparently there's a rumour going around amongst certain Wraith-worshippers about our people being held captive. We've got the coordinates."

"All right," I was all business as I quickly worked out what we'd need. "I want to take Lorne and his team."

"Agreed," Sam replied. "You'll gate to the nearest planet where the Daedalus is en route to pick you up."

"Let's go," I urged, not waiting for Ronon and Rodney to get up before I was striding from the Mess Hall.

oOo

Arriving on the Bridge of the Daedalus I watched as we approached the target coordinates, dropping out of hyperspace near a small planet. We moved to stand in front of the view screen, my incomplete team and Lorne's forming a circle ready for beaming down. I knew I was imagining it but it seemed I could almost see the gaps where Teyla and Sabina should have been standing.

"We've already scanned the surface," Caldwell reported. "We were unable to get a lock on Teyla's subcutaneous transmitter. Sabina's either."

"Well, there's no surprise there," Rodney commented. "I'm sure Michael got rid of those."

"Guess we'll have to do things the hard way," I added grimly.

"Good. Let's do it." Ronon was as eager for action as I was.

The transporter beam swept us up and deposited us in the only building on the planet's surface. Doing a quick check of our surroundings revealed no immediate threats so I turned to Lorne with orders.

"All right. Stay in touch."

"Yes, sir," Lorne looked at Parker and Brown. "Let's move out."

They went one way as we went the other, beginning a search of the facility. We came across nothing as we walked down corridors until we came to a junction with a closed door.

I opened it and stepped inside with Rodney beside me.

A sudden stun blast slammed into the wall between Rodney and I – a couple of inches left or right and it would have hit one of us in the head. We each dived for cover as Ronon leapt across the corridor and fired his blaster in the same direction as the shot.

Taking position I opened fire where the guard had been. The shooter leaned out from around the corner, getting off a couple of shots before ducking back again.

'Not Wraith', my brain catalogued that detail as I continued to fire. Ronon twirled his blaster so it was facing backwards, bent his arm around the corner and shot blind. We heard the shooter cry out, saw him stumble back from cover. I fired rapidly until the man fell to the floor, no longer a threat.

Distant fire announced that Lorne and his team had also run into resistance. Moving cautiously forward we passed the man I'd just shot, not dead and trying to drag himself away across the floor.

"Sheppard, this is Daedalus," Caldwell's voice issued over the radio. "We've been engaged by a Wraith cruiser."

"How's it going?" I queried.

"We're more than holding our own," Caldwell replied. "Just thought you might want to pick up the pace."

The injured man was still trying to get away and it suddenly occurred to me that he could be useful.

"Who's your boss?" I demanded, standing over him.

He didn't reply. Kicking him over onto his back I squatted beside him and put my pistol to his chest. He was in pain but I didn't let that concern me ... just stared menacingly with the pistol threatening his quick demise if he didn't cooperate.

"You're too early," he groaned out.

"And what the hell does that mean?" I retorted angrily.

"We're expecting him back," the guard replied. "He's on his way with important prisoners."

Crap! He was talking about Teyla and Sabina! The possibility that they were on the Wraith cruiser slammed into me and I activated my headset urgently.

"This is Sheppard. Come in. Daedalus, do you read?"

"Sheppard, this is Daedalus," Caldwell replied.

"Do not destroy the enemy ship. I repeat: do not destroy the enemy ship. Sabina and Teyla may be on board." They didn't acknowledge my message so I tried again. "Did you hear me? Sabina may be on board."

"We heard you," Caldwell finally replied.

Leaving the injured guard behind, we waited to hear their progress as we continued towards Lorne's position, where gun fire was still echoing. We could see a guard had them pinned down – Ronon ran forward and gunned the guy down from our flanking position. Lorne peered out at the abrupt cease fire and relaxed when he saw it was us.

"Bad news, Sheppard," Caldwell reported in grimly. "The Cruiser made the jump to hyperspace. It's gone."

DAMN IT!

Now Michael would be all the more cautious, aware that we had intel enough to get to him, closer and faster than he would have expected. Resisting the urge to put my fist through the nearest wall at being so close without success I waited for Major Lorne and his team to walk towards us.

"Any sign of them, sir?" Lorne asked hopefully.

"They're not here," I ground out blankly.

"Are you sure?" Evan asked in surprise. "That guard was protecting something."

We turned and looked at the closed door – he was right, something had to be behind it for such a level of resistance. The door was bolted and locked – making sure everyone was well clear I fired a single shot at the lock, blowing it out. Rodney turned back to the door and quickly pulled back the bolt.

Stepping clear Rodney gave me the room I needed to kick the door open. As one Ronon, Rodney and I stepped into the doorway with weapons ready.

What we found inside was so completely unexpected, so impossible on the surface that it had us frozen in stunned disbelief.

A man sat on a bunk inside the room, dressed in grey.

I watched his face shift into an expression of relief ... his _familiar_ face.

"Finally. It's about bloody time!" Carson Beckett exclaimed, standing up. "What took you so long?"

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 55_


	66. I can always use another test subject

**Chapter 55: I can always use another ... test subject.**

I woke up on the floor in a Wraith cell ... alone. Scrambling up I rushed to the door, craning my head to see if there were other occupied cells nearby. Putting a hand to my arm I registered the sore spot covered over by a bandage with grim humour. What was the point of having a subcutaneous transmitter if every bad guy in both galaxies knew about it?!

"Teyla?" I whispered harshly, and then again more loudly when she didn't respond.

"She cannot hear you," the words announced my visitor before his face came into view.

"Michael?" I could feel my mouth drop open at the surprise. He _was_ Michael but not exactly as I remembered. He looked human and Wraith in a mix that seemed different from the last time I'd seen him ... and he looked something else, some other indefinable genetic ingredient that changed him from Wraith into something else.

"Sabina Scott," Michael replied blandly, "or should I call you Mrs John Sheppard?"

"Ah ... I don't mind either," I replied, my mind distracted by the realisation that Teyla had already revealed information to Michael in the short time we'd been captive.

"Don't blame Teyla," Michael stepped closer and looked at me with clinical detachment. "She revealed your connections to save your life ... I was determined to take my revenge for what happened on M8G-352 by having you put to death, a fact I shared with Teyla when she questioned your whereabouts. I believe it will be that much more satisfying to use you to bait Colonel Sheppard instead."

"So I'm just a bargaining chip?" I asked weakly.

"For now," Michael agreed. "Give me trouble and I may decide to revise that assessment. I can always use another ... test subject."

"Is Teyla all right?" my question halted him just as he turned his back on my cell.

"I would not harm her," Michael admonished, giving me a sense that he was insulted I'd think otherwise – hello, captive on a hive ship doesn't exactly spell tropical vacation! "She carries inside her a child of utmost importance to me. For this I set the trap that brought you both here."

"You want her baby?" I looked at him in horror.

"He is necessary to complete my plan," Michael revealed.

"Let me guess," I couldn't help the sarcasm that fairly dripped from my voice, "galactic domination. It just never gets old does it?"

"I will rid this galaxy of both its human vermin and the scourge of the Wraith," Michael preached righteously. "Those strong enough to survive will join my ranks and become my army."

"It was you," I realised the full magnitude of his plan. "_You_ distributed the Hoffan protein on all those planets. You've killed _thousands_ of people already!"

"It was necessary," Michael said dismissively, turning to leave. He took a few steps before glancing back over his shoulder at me. "Remember ... I am what _your_ people made me."

"We make ourselves," I said sadly. He paused for a moment with his back to me before continuing on his way.

Taking a seat on the floor I leaned against the wall tiredly, thinking about my options. Michael believed I was worth keeping only because I was John's wife ... I'd never had much to do with him prior to being captured so he didn't know about my own Wraith connections. That was my advantage, the fact that I had skills Michael was unaware of – it was just a matter of working out how best to use that.

oOo

My first thought was to try to communicate with Teyla using the Wraith telepathic ability we both shared to a degree. The only trouble with that was it'd been a while since I'd tried it and I wasn't confident I could hone in on just Teyla unless she knew I was trying to make a connection. If I ended up dragging in even one of the Wraith on board it'd be all over so I decided to reserve that option as a last resort.

That really only left escape. Since any time was as good as another from what I could work out I didn't bother waiting, focussing my attention at the door controls and forcing my way into the Wraith neural network. It was a buzz of Wraith commands, conversations, systems traffic all zinging at speed so one little command to open a door wouldn't register enough to cause suspicion.

"That's more like it," I whispered, grinning as the door webbing contracted open silently.

Creeping from my cell I made my way down the corridor, listening for the guards but not surprised when I didn't see any. The Wraith were notoriously arrogant about their captives, even with those instances when we'd escaped in the past to warn them they should be otherwise.

I suspected we were on a Wraith cruiser, not as big as a full Hive ship but it was still unlikely I'd just stumble across Teyla by wandering around. I needed to access the controls, see if I could find her that way. Peering around the next corner I spotted a guard in the corridor ahead.

"Great!" I muttered, ducking back out of sight. The Cruiser schematic I recalled from my study of the Wraith database (before it had self destructed) said there was an access console down that corridor. Could I take a single Wraith guard with the element of surprise on my side? Peeking quickly around the corner again I saw the guard with his back to me. Turning back I glanced around, looking for anything big enough that I could expect the Wraith to go down when I hit him over the head with it. Being a Wraith ship of course there was nothing. Reaching a hand down inside my boot I felt for the knife I always kept there.

Yes – thank God the Wraith never searched their food for concealed weapons!

So I was armed ... it improved my position a little but I wasn't John. There was no way I could sneak up behind someone, even a Wraith, and stab them in the back or worse yet slit their throat. But I had to do something.

Checking that the Wraith Guard hadn't moved I tried to work out an approach with a better than even chance of success.

"No guts, no glory," I muttered under my breath, taking a few quick breaths before easing my way out into the corridor. I was holding my breath as I took each careful step closer to my target. What I didn't factor in was the other guard who appeared in the corridor ahead of me.

Giving one of those Wraith growls he raised his stun riffle and fired it. Luck was with me though because I had just enough time to anticipate his move _and_ I was close enough to the first guard to grab him quickly. He took multiple stun blasts in my place and would have fallen had I not braced myself against the wall, groaning at his weight as I raised his stun rifle and fired back in quick bursts.

Less than a minute later I stood there panting, one stunned Wraith guard at my feet and the other stretched out in the corridor a few feet away. That's when I took the time to look closely at my victims. They weren't the usual Wraith sentries with masked faces – in fact they didn't look like Wraith much at all. They were hybrids, like Michael only with more human and less Wraith characteristics. That explained why it had taken so many shots to bring them down – they'd been enhanced by Michael's genetic manipulations.

It wasn't over though ... I had to work out what to do with the two of them so they couldn't raise the alarm. I needed to be able to move about the ship as freely as possible which would be difficult with additional patrols out looking for me. Even on a Cruiser they had the chambers used to store their victims between capture and feeding ... I was pretty sure I'd seen one back close to the cell I'd awoken in. It was a risk to hang around but I decided it was worth it as I dragged first one and then the other guard to the chambers and muscled each of them into place. A quick stabbing thought to the controls and both guards were preserved in cocoons until someone noticed and released them.

Back to business, this time armed with two stun rifles I headed towards the auxiliary control console that had been my original destination. This time I made it without coming across any other guards. Propping both rifles up next to the console I put my hands in place and brought up the internal security schematics. They didn't have a "Teyla is being held here' flashing sign but there _was_ an occupied holding cell on the next level which looked promising. It took a few minutes for me to be confident that I'd memorised the shortest route there, including the positions of sentry posts along the way.

Shouldering one rifle and carrying the other poised in front of me, I headed to what I hoped was Teyla's position. With no further run ins I made good time.

"Teyla?" I approached the cell hopefully, looking in all directions before I moved across to the doorway.

"Sabina!" Teyla surged to the front of the cell.

"You're okay," I checked her over quickly, seeing nothing to indicate she'd been mistreated.

"I am well," Teyla replied calmly.

"Stand back and I'll get you out of there," I moved across to the door controls, getting ready to activate them.

"Do not!" Teyla protested. "I cannot leave."

"What?" I looked at her incredulously.

"Kanaan is here – I saw him," Teyla insisted intently. "I cannot leave without him and the others of my people forced to serve Michael."

"We can come back and rescue them later," I protested. "Bring a team and a heap of weapons."

"You go," Teyla urged. "Get back to Atlantis and tell them where I am."

"That plan has so many flaws I don't even know where to begin," I retorted grimly. "The worst of which is that I have no idea where we are apart from the fact that we're travelling through hyperspace which means the ship won't be wherever _here_ is by the time I get back!"

"With one of us free the odds of everyone being rescued increases," Teyla argued.

"I won't leave you here alone like this, and I don't mean just because you're almost eight months pregnant although that's certainly a motivator right now," I argued back heatedly. "Michael is crazy Teyla! Did you see – he's eliminated his need to feed on humans, taken away what could be seen as a vulnerability – what's next? I can't begin to imagine John's reaction if I come back without you and have to admit I _chose_ to leave you behind ... not to mention what Ronon or Rodney would say. But I wouldn't do it anyway, even if I could be assured they'd believe I'd done the right thing, not when Michael is so unpredictable."

"It is my choice to stay," Teyla said resolutely. "You cannot go against my wishes."

"Oh but I think I can," I replied sarcastically, activating the controls to retract the webbing. Walking in I held up my stolen weapon. "This stun rifle says I can break you out of here and drag you to a Dart unconscious if I have to. You've been stunned recently so we know it won't hurt the baby. I'm hoping you won't make me do that."

"Sabina, please," Teyla looked at me pleadingly, her eyes filling with tears.

"Isn't the safety of your baby more important than anything else?" I questioned earnestly.

"Michael will not hurt me or the baby," Teyla insisted.

"For now," I agreed grimly. "He told me your baby is key to his plans, but we have no way of knowing _how_ ... did he tell you why he wants your son?"

"Just that he had great plans for him," Teyla admitted. "He took them Sabina. Michael took my people but I still do not know where they are ... only that he is using them to create his army."

"I can have us in a Dart before Michael even suspects," I promised. "Now that we know it was Michael we can revisit our allies, find new leads ...Teyla?"

"He is ... changed," Teyla said sadly.

"Who?"

"Kanaan," she explained. "Michael has altered him, made him a hybrid of human and Wraith DNA. When Michael brought Kanaan to see me he didn't even know me at first. But I saw _something_ Sabina, in his eyes. He mouthed the words fed to him by Michael but there was torment ... and _hope_ in his eyes. I cannot abandon him."

"Fine!" I turned away, exasperated at her stubbornness, suddenly appreciating John's position when I'd been stubborn like that in the past. "So how do we save him and the others?"

"We bide our time," Teyla replied firmly. "We wait for an opportunity to act ... and we trust that Atlantis will come for us."

"Listen, you know how much faith I have in John," I returned, "but this is a tough ask. They don't know where we are or who took us. It's a big galaxy ... it could be a while before they find us and we don't have that kind of time," I looked pointedly at her large bump.

"We can revert to your plan if my due date draws near," Teyla pointed out.

"So what?" I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I just go back to my cell and play along?"

"If you do not they will search this ship until they find you," Teyla insisted. "Michael will not hurt you now he knows of your importance to Colonel Sheppard."

"Maybe not," I conceded, still thinking. "You've got heightened Wraith skills at the moment right?"

"I have not tested them recently but I was able to access the damaged Hive ship controls with ease," Teyla agreed.

"Do you think you could talk to me telepathically, without alerting the other Wraith?" I asked, revealing why I'd wanted to know about her Wraith abilities.

"We will need a way to communicate," Teyla nodded her understanding. "I will try."

"Okay, wait a while, give me a chance to get back to my cell," I looked at her for a moment, torn with the horrible sense that I was about to make a colossal mistake. "If I don't hear from you I _will_ be coming back and getting you out of here, no arguments."

"It _will_ work Sabina. Do not worry – I will be fine," Teyla promised, sensing my continuing reluctance.

"You better be," I said it sternly but then ruined my tough girl facade by hugging her quickly before hurrying from the cell, pausing to reactivate the web closure. "Try the telepathic link in a few minutes," I reiterated before turning and running back down the corridor.

It galled to retreat like that, to wilfully reimprison myself in that Wraith cell but I didn't see that I had a choice. I could have dragged Teyla off, sure – and then she'd never have forgiven me. As it was, a part of me was already dreading my return to Atlantis because I knew Major Lorne would have told John I jumped into the beam after Teyla. When I had to admit I had the chance to escape but didn't, his anger was only going to be worse. But I also dreaded the reaction I'd get if I couldn't save Teyla ... she was as a sister to John and he'd be devastated to lose her. I couldn't do that to him, couldn't bear to think of the damage it would cause to both of us. Somehow I had to make this work.

oOo

The change in motion let me know that we'd exited hyperspace just as I returned to my cell. Almost immediately the ship was shaking from what could only be weapons fire. We were under attack.

My heart leapt at the thought that perhaps John and the others had found us already. Of course if it really was them and they were there for us it was unlikely they'd be firing away so indiscriminately and my hopes settled back into what was more realistic – that the Cruiser was under attack from a rival Hive.

The battle was brief, our damage minor enough not to be apparent from inside the ship, and then motion returned to the characteristic hyperspace feel.

"_Sabina?_" Teyla's voice echoed in my head, familiar but much stronger and more tightly focussed than I recalled from the last time we'd communicated that way.

"_Teyla,_" I sent my thought back to her. "_It works!_"

"_Of course,_" Teyla agreed. "_You are back in your cell?_"

"_Yeah_," I said glumly. "_Did you feel that shaking before? The ship was under attack but it looks like we escaped before they could do much damage._"

"_You believe it was Atlantis?_" Teyla queried.

"_I'd like to_," I admitted, "_but it's more likely it was one of Michael's rivals._"

"_I wonder where Michael is taking us?_" Teyla thought.

"_If he runs true to form it'll be one of his little outposts,_" I returned. "_Like that place you guys found with those monster hybrids, although hopefully there won't be more of them._"

"_He will keep us separated_," Teyla said worriedly. "_He will not risk any attempts for us to collaborate._"

"_I know_," I sighed, thinking it through. "_It's gonna make opportunities to do what you wanted, to rescue everyone, more difficult to manufacture but at least we – ._"

"_Michael approaches_," Teyla interrupted urgently. "_Do nothing!_" she added before slamming closed our connection.

I waited but Teyla didn't get back to me ... pacing my cell worriedly, I fervently hoped her silence was because Michael was still talking to her and not for any of the other grimmer reasons I could come up with.

A short while later the Cruiser was out of hyperspace again ... moments after that the ship shuddered and came to a rest, the kind you'd only get on land.

Wherever it was Michael was taking us, we had arrived.

**Author's Note:**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY happybear 2005 .... have a wonderful day. Thanks for being a loyal and consistent supporter.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 12_


	67. Intrlde 12: Death isnt what it used 2 be

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude ****12: Death isn't what it used to be!**

We took him back to Atlantis, the Carson who'd apparently returned from the dead. Doctor Keller and the others descended on him in hazmat suits and began to run their tests, leaving us to fill Colonel Carter in on the mission. It gnawed at me to admit how close we'd come to Sabina and Teyla, how we could have rescued them if we'd just gotten there a few hours later than we did. Especially since we were back to square one ... with no new leads to pursue.

"How is this possible?" I asked Rodney as we stood with Ronon an hour later, watching Carson in the isolation room below.

"Do you want me to make you a list of all the ways he could be here?" Rodney asked sarcastically. "It's surprisingly long – death isn't what it used to be!"

"It's weird," Ronon grumbled his succinct complaint.

Down in the Isolation Room Jennifer was conducting test after test on Carson, who was cooperating in an understanding Carson Beckett like manner. Ronon was right – it _was_ weird.

"You sure he's not a Replicator?" I checked with Rodney again.

"No, the scans would have picked it up right away," Rodney insisted.

"Well he can't be the Carson we knew so who the hell is he?" I demanded irritably.

"I don't know!" Rodney protested the view that he'd always have the answer on hand. "Look, I'm as freaked out about this as you are!"

"You don't really think it's him, do you?" I asked incredulously.

"No!" Rodney shot back immediately before hesitating and admitting he had considered the possibility. "Well, I mean ... maybe. Look, so we've ruled out advanced robotics but like I said that still leaves us a half a dozen possible other explanations."

"Like?" Ronon questioned.

"Well, like alternate timeline, parallel universe, cloning – you know, take your pick," Rodney gave us the main highlights from that list he'd mentioned.

Jennifer entered the observation room quietly, removing her Hazmat helmet before updating us on what she'd found. "Well, we've completed the preliminary exam."

"And?" Rodney looked at her impatiently.

"Every test we've run confirms it," Jennifer said simply. "That man down there is Doctor Carson Beckett."

"Who's gonna tell him," I looked from Jennifer to Rodney pointedly.

"What?" Rodney swallowed convulsively as he immediately got my drift. "Oh no, no, no. I'm not telling him we weren't looking for him because the real Carson Beckett is dead!"

"You were his best friend Rodney," I put the emotional pressure on without remorse, mind focussed solely on using what could be our only chance to help find Sabina and Teyla. "He'll take it better coming from you," I insisted. "We need information and he was Michael's captive for who knows how long. I need to know everything he can tell us and I need to know it right now. We don't have time for you to ease your way into this."

"Great," Rodney muttered grimly. "Don't break it to him gently. Anything else?"

"Just ... don't be too harsh but you know, get it done," I ordered briskly.

"Fine," Rodney squared his shoulders like he was about to face the lion's den or go into battle. I watched him enter the Isolation Room and begin talking before I left them to their relative privacy.

oOo

The next couple of days were just frustration stacked upon frustration as we searched for news of Sabina and Teyla, including getting back to Todd to see if he knew anything else that could help us.

Another trip to his ship proved useless when he insisted he'd given us everything he had.

"Do you think he's telling the truth?" Rodney asked as we made our way back to the Stargate empty-handed.

"Lying bastard knew more," I returned angrily. "He's just gonna wait until he thinks he can exchange it for something from us."

"I could go back, lean on him a bit," Ronon offered hopefully.

"We'll keep that one in reserve buddy," I slapped his shoulder in appreciation. "Let's get back to Atlantis. I need to talk to Colonel Carter about using whatever Carson can give us."

oOo

"You spoke to your Wraith contact?" Sam asked when I reported to her office as soon as I got back.

"He claims he's given us everything he knows about Michael, but I assume he's lying," I reported. "Until we can come up with something that he can use, he's not much good to us."

"So we need to find our intel somewhere else," Sam concluded.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," I didn't have to say more, she got where I was heading.

"You mean Beckett," she said simply.

"He has been inside Michael's operation and he may know something," I pointed out.

"Or he could have been planted there for us to find," Sam countered. "Look, for all we know, this whole thing could be a set-up."

"Well, sure. Anything's possible," I said impatiently.

"John, the Carson Beckett you knew was killed," Sam said gently. "You were there – you all were. I'm sorry to say it, but you need to remember that."

"I _know_ that," I returned forcefully, getting up and pacing away from her desk. "I'm not looking at him as my friend returned from the dead! I'm looking at him as a valuable source of information on the whereabouts of my wife and my team mate! Set-up or not he knows something and he's enough Carson to want to help."

"I understand your impatience," Sam responded in that same gentle tone.

"Do you?" I demanded harshly, letting just a little of the intense emotion I'd been feeling the past few days break out. "You _know_ how desperate I am to find anything ... just _one_ thing we can use to take the next step? Because from where I'm standing right now we have _nothing_ ... and that's not a position I can accept graciously." Turning away I concentrated on getting myself under control, reigning everything back into its box with difficulty.

"John," Sam got up and put a hand on my shoulder companionably. I didn't miss the way she frowned when she realised how tense I was – obviously I'd been doing a bang up job convincing everyone I was more relaxed than I actually was. "John," she said again. "We'll find her, find them both. But you have to be patient. I'm not saying we won't use what Carson can tell us, just that we have to be cautious and not take anything at face value."

"Of course," I nodded once, seeing the wisdom in that. Seeing that for now there was nothing more I could add I turned to leave. Pausing at the door I didn't look at her, just offered up the one thing that had been gnawing at me constantly. "We've all assumed that Michael won't hurt Teyla because he wants her for something, enough to go to so much trouble to lure her in. What no-one's saying, what's been eating away at me every damn second since this started is that the same isn't true for Sabina. She's a stowaway and there's nothing in it for him to keep her alive. You don't know Michael, you don't know what he's capable of. Unless Sabina gives him something she's as good as dead ... the longer this goes on the more likely it is she'll be forced to go down that road, and we both know what that means."

Not waiting for Sam to respond I strode quickly away, down the steps and across the Gateroom floor. The gym wasn't my usual haunt but punching something always seemed to help Sabina so I was willing to give it a try.

The other occupants quickly left me to my solitude as I went at the punching bag with single minded purpose, imagining Michael that close to Sabina and then trying to wipe the image away as forcefully as I could.

"You gonna do that all night?" Ronon stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest.

"Unless you want to volunteer your services, yeah," I returned, not even breaking stride.

"You know Sabina does this all the time, right?" Ronon took a step inside, letting the door close behind him.

"I might have heard something like that," I stopped suddenly and turned to face Ronon. "If you've got something to say just say it – I can take it."

"I got nothing," Ronon shrugged. "Just wanted to remind you that your wife is uncommonly resourceful ... she's got skills I don't even understand and she's on a Wraith ship where she could use some of them."

"I know that," I turned away and grabbed my towel, rubbing it over my face tiredly.

"Do you?" Ronon returned. "Because you don't seem to be taking it into account. Sabina's not some helpless captive – you taught her well and you're gonna have to trust that she'll work something out."

"Oh I'm taking it into account," I let him see my frustration ... and my fear. "I've gone way beyond that. You know she won't leave Teyla even if she gets an opportunity – right now she'll be working out how to save her ... and taking stupid risks because she'll rate Teyla and the baby as being more important than she is."

"You're right," Ronon agreed, his expression letting me know he understood. "And Teyla's not in any condition to help much."

"Hence my impatience and general crabbiness," I glanced over at Ronon gratefully. "I appreciate what you said though, and the faith in Sabina."

"She earned it," Ronon said simply. "Listen, Rodney said he had something. He wanted me to find you – since he couldn't raise you on the radio."

"I turned it off," I admitted, grabbing it from the bench where I'd thrown it and hooking it back over my ear. "Rodney, you got something?"

"Finally!" Rodney exclaimed irritably. "Jennifer worked it out – about Carson – he's a clone."

"That _was_ on your list," I reminded him, not sure how I should feel about it.

"He's still Carson," Rodney insisted. "He's got all the memories, all the experiences of the real Carson Beckett ... and he knows things about Michael we could use. I think we should talk to Sam."

"Agreed – I'll meet you at her office," I signed off, grabbed my gear and after a quick nod to Ronon, rushed out the door.

oOo

"Carson's got information we can use," Rodney began. "I think we should listen to him."

"We're talking about someone who was – for all intents and purposes – manufactured by one of the most dangerous individuals we've ever come across," Sam pointed out. "Fundamentally, he's not that different from those hybrids, and I doubt very much we'd be arguing about whether we can trust them."

"Yeah, but there's no denying the fact that he's no ordinary clone," Rodney argued. "I mean, somehow Michael has managed to reproduce his memories, his thought processes and his personality. I spent some time with him, and I'm telling you, he-he's Carson!"

"It doesn't necessary mean it's safe to act on any information he might give us," Sam insisted. "Look, he may genuinely believe that he's helping us and still be playing right into Michael's hands."

"She's got a point, Rodney," I had to concede. "What exactly is he offering?"

"He knows the layout of at least four facilities that Michael has on different planets," Rodney revealed. "Apparently he likes to move around a lot, stay one step ahead of the Wraith."

"What about Gate addresses?" I persisted.

"Well, they blindfolded him every time they moved him, so he couldn't see the DHD, although he did catch a glimpse of an address dialled by one of Michael's mercenaries," Rodney looked at me hopefully. "It could be a place to start."

"Okay," Sam decided after thinking about it. "Take a team of marines and go check it out, see if the information is good. Take Carson with you."

"I'll go get him," Rodney offered, leaving me to get everyone else moving.

Shortly after we'd geared up and were headed through the Gate. I'd had to suffer an awkward conversation in the locker room with Carson first, covering Ronon's less than welcoming demeanour and how we'd already endured an apparent 'return from the dead' experience with Elizabeth that hadn't ended well.

It was early evening when we arrived on yet another off world planet. Carson believed the man we were looking for was most likely to be at the village tavern so that was our first stop. Conversations died the instant we entered the room and I swear the temperature dropped several degrees our welcome was so chilly.

"Hmm, just in time for happy hour!" I quipped looking around casually. Conversation picked up again and I focussed my attention on the barkeeper. "I was hoping maybe you could help us. We're looking for a friend of ours who's been known to stop in now and then."

"You've come to the wrong place," the barkeeper tried to dismiss us abruptly.

"We haven't even told you what he looks like," Rodney protested.

"You misunderstand me," the barkeeper explained flatly. "No-one here cares what he looks like. You've come to the wrong place if you're looking for information."

Deciding some bribery might be in order I leaned in and lowered my tone. "Look, I know you're trying to keep up appearances here for your friends, but I think we can make it worth your while."

All I got for my efforts was a very unpleasant smile as the guy flipped me off in the verbal sense. "I think it would be best if you turn around and be on your way."

"Gun!" Ronon yelled suddenly, diving for the bar. Ducking down I heard the distinctive sound of an automatic firing rounds from the upper balcony.

Whoever was up there was shooting at us with our own weaponry!

The barkeeper paid for his intractable nature, the first hail of bullets ripping into his chest and taking him down, Ronon and I both rolling over the top of the bar beside his dead body, using the bar for cover.

"That's P-90 fire!" I called out to the others, just in case they'd missed it.

Now I had cover I fired up at the balcony, frustrated because the guy had position to keep us pinned down. Until his clip ran out. Then it was all over, Ronon standing up with a roar and taking the guy down with a single shot from his blaster. Hit him dead centre in the chest ... in slow motion he teetered on the edge of balance before toppling over the balcony and crashing to the floor below.

Carson was there in an instant, just like the original one would have been, checking him over professionally.

"Is he dead?" Rodney asked weakly.

"No, but we need to get him back to Atlantis as soon as possible." Carson replied briskly.

"Get our guys back from the Gate," I instructed Ronon. "We'll stretcher him out of here."

oOo

Jennifer's team responded promptly when we returned, injured assailant in tow. The surprising thing was when she recognised him as Nabel, the guy she's already saved once before on New Athos when Teyla's people had first gone missing.

It was touch and go but they managed to stabilise him, enough that Jennifer was confident he'd survive.

Rodney, Ronon and I met up with Sam in her office to debrief ... she was less than impressed at how quickly the mission had turned sour and couldn't help but point out the obvious.

"It was Doctor Beckett's idea to go there," she reminded us.

"Well, if we hadn't have gone, we wouldn't have captured one of Michael's operatives," I pointed out, making it clear I thought the risks had been well worth it.

"You also wouldn't have been nearly killed in an ambush," Sam retorted incredulous that I'd smooth it over so casually.

"It wasn't that bad," Ronon said simply. Sam looked at him pointedly and he added "It was one guy."

"Firing at you with one of our own weapons!" Sam said impatiently.

"He was Michael's spy in the Athosian village!" Rodney exclaimed. "Look, he got the P-90 from the weapons cache we left there."

"It doesn't change the fact that you were led into an ambush, intentionally or not," Sam insisted. She might have said more but we were spared having to defend Carson's involvement when Jennifer contacted us over the tannoy.

"Colonel Carter, this is Doctor Keller. You'd better come down to the Infirmary. There's a problem with Doctor Beckett."

"Oh, what now," Rodney muttered, casting a worried glance my way as he jumped up and followed Sam out of the office.

When we got there it was pretty clear the situation was serious. Carson was lying in a bed with an oxygen mask over his unconscious face.

"He was assisting me with the surgery and he just keeled over with no warning," Jennifer explained. "After he collapsed, I did a scan and found evidence of necrosis in several of his internal organs. His cells aren't renewing fast enough to sustain tissue function."

"Any idea why?" Sam asked, her eyes on Carson.

"I can only assume it's a complication due to the fact he's a clone," Jennifer proposed. "I've given him a course of treatment to try to stimulate cell growth but it's a bit like trying to find a cure for old age."

"What are you saying?" I looked from Carson to Jennifer, pretty sure none of us were gonna like the answer.

"On the outside he looks fine, but on the inside ... well, he's – he's dying," Jennifer revealed sadly.

"You can fix it though," Rodney looked to Jennifer pleadingly, "right?"

"I'm not sure," Jennifer evaded giving the answer I could see in her eyes. She _couldn't_ fix it and we were going to lose Carson all over again just like we had Elizabeth. On top of all the emotions I was already holding in I felt like the additional knowledge was suffocating the oxygen from the room.

"I need some air," I announced to no one in particular, not waiting for a response before I strode away.

Standing on the nearest balcony helped me breathe better but it didn't resolve any of the issues, didn't get me any closer to finding Sabina and Teyla so I gave it up after only a few minutes. Nabel was out of surgery and potentially available for questioning – there was no reason I couldn't pursue that, see if I could get another lead to follow ... with Sam's permission.

"Regardless of how he got here, Nabel is a source we can't ignore," I spoke from Sam's doorway, drawing her eyes to mine. "I should go question him," I looked at her expectantly. "This isn't a coincidence – he was there when the Athosian's disappeared and now he turns up again. He knows where they are – maybe he knows where Teyla and Sabina are too."

"Tomorrow," Sam shook her head when I made to protest the wait. "No John. It's been a long day and it's late – too late for you to Gate anywhere else today. You can talk to Nabel in the morning."

Nodding reluctantly, I acknowledged that the wait was necessary, no matter how much it killed me to suffer any kind of delay. Hours later Atlantis was silent and dark as everyone slept ... everyone except me that is. I sat on the balcony in our room and tried not to think about all the ways Michael could hurt Sabina. It was a long night.

oOo

At first light I was pacing the infirmary, waiting for Nabel to regain consciousness. In the end it proved too easy to convince him to give Michael's location up – just the promise of a new life an entire galaxy away. Not only did he give us the gate address but he assured us both Teyla and Sabina would be there. Sam gave the go for us to proceed with all haste.

There was some debate over whether Carson should come along, given his deteriorating condition and the fact he and Jennifer had spent the entire previous evening trying to recreate the magic juice Michael had been feeding him for two years to keep what was currently happening from happening ... without success. His knowledge of the layout was too valuable, his desire to help too strong for me to deny him.

We gated to Michael's planet and Carson immediately motioned us forward in one direction.

"I'm reading a bunch of life signs up ahead," Rodney reported, eyes on his portable scanner.

"Maybe it's the Athosians," Ronon suggested.

"Yeah? Maybe it's a herd of those Frankensteins," Rodney suggested less positively.

The place was huge ... it was gonna take time and I was suddenly glad I'd let Carson come along.

"Doctor?" I looked at him for further direction.

"It's this way, I think," he sounded less certain than I would have liked and I frowned at Rodney worriedly.

"Carson," Rodney urged him for a more definite answer.

"No, no. I'm certain," Carson nodded more confidently. "It's this way."

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 56_


	68. He’s not quite right in the head

**Chapter 56: He's not quite right in the head, if you catch my drift.**

"_Teyla?_" I tried to make a connection of my own but got only static for my efforts ... a deliberate kind of static from someone holding up a block. I smiled in relief – Teyla was all right but in Wraith company and so unavailable to my call.

I waited ... and waited, and then waited some more but I didn't hear back from Teyla and I couldn't make contact with her either. It was unnerving because it began to feel like I was the only person on the Cruiser. Had Michael forgotten I was there? Should I be taking advantage of that somehow? What would John do in my position? That only led me to thoughts that weren't helpful since there was no way John would have stayed on the ship just because Teyla asked him to. If this turned out badly I had a sick feeling that was the turning point - that place I'd made my crucial mistake.

"Don't think like that," I urged myself. "You have no way of knowing _what_ John would do if he were here." God, I so wished he was there ... well, not there as in captured too, but there as in guns blazing, plan of attack in place, no need for me to figure anything out myself.

The temptation to escape as I had before was overwhelming, the only thing stopping me was the possible consequences to Teyla if I got caught. Eventually I lapsed into a restless sleep, curled up on the hard floor with my hand clenched around the handle of my knife.

I was awoken some time later when two 'human' guards approached my cell door and opened it silently, each taking an arm and escorting me from the room.

"You guys don't have to follow Michael's orders you know," I tried. "In fact I'd recommend you don't - he's not quite right in the head, if you catch my drift."

"We follow his cause willingly," one of the guards said blandly. "He will rid the galaxy of the Wraith and make it ours."

"You've bought into the propaganda," I persisted, pulling on my arm as they dragged me down the corridor. "But did you know that making the galaxy yours includes murdering thousands of innocent humans ... humans just like you used to be?"

"If not for Michael they would all be food for the Wraith," the other guard said complacently.

I wasn't going to get through to them so I gave it up as a lost cause. Their reaction wasn't encouraging from the point of view of achieving some kind of mass rescue as Teyla hoped ... if I'd had _that_ intel before I let Teyla talk me into waiting we could have been out of there already. It wasn't about laying low anymore and letting Teyla do her thing on Kanaan ... I no longer believed that strategy was going to work so I needed to come up with a new one.

Deciding there was no point in playing along with the change in prison venture I took the opportunity presented to me when we walked past the spot where I'd stashed one of my 'borrowed' stun rifles. Doing the classic pretend to stumble trick I grabbed the rifle and slammed the butt into one guards stomach, ducking around him and quickly stunning the other one. They both faltered but weren't down so I fired again, and then again until they were both sprawled out on the floor.

Continuing with my 'put them in storage' plan since there was no point in giving away just what I was capable of if I were caught, I was finally free to exit the ship and check out the situation on whatever planet we were on. I'd added to my weaponry too, now sporting a M60 pistol from our very own stores, probably via the weapons cache on New Athos.

The Cruiser was parked at the edge of a city crumbling in ruin from Wraith attacks. I didn't know for sure but it felt abandoned, lifeless. It was certainly depressing ... I couldn't help but watch the shadows apprehensively, jumping at the sounds of small creatures shifting in the dirt.

There were faint footprints just evident on the path in front of me and I followed them cautiously all the way to a group of buildings, where I lost the trail. Having no other choice I started with the first building and began my search for Teyla.

oOo

Creeping around wasn't really my strong suit but I applied myself to the task, doing a lot of duck and peek around corner manoeuvres as I systematically made my way through each level of each building.

It took longer than I wanted and I was long past the point of frustration before I heard distant voices on the walkway above me and the sounds of gunfire from nearby. Sprinting forward I searched for some sign of Teyla.

There! Two hybrids had Teyla corralled between them as they walked her along.

I was about to call out when another figure appeared behind them. He shot four times, killing the first hybrid, and then twice more to take out the second.

From my vantage point I could see and hear everything, see Teyla turn and gasp in shock at the identity of her rescuer.

"Carson!"

"I know. I'm the last person you expected to see." I felt a leap of something inside, happiness maybe along with panicked disbelief as Carson spoke with his much missed accent ringing true. Teyla was obviously panicked too because she stepped back when he approached her.

"It's all right. I'm here to help you," Carson tried to reassure her.

"It's not possible," Teyla protested.

"I'm sorry – I don't have time to explain" Carson insisted. "Colonel Sheppard and the others are waiting back at the lab. We have to go – now."

John was here! Oh God, I so wanted to leave right there and then, find the lab and give up all my burdens for John to take care of. I was turning to do just that when Teyla's words hit me.

"I can't," she cried.

I _knew_ what was coming ... the same protests she'd thrown at me, the reason we were still in this mess. Her belief that her Kanaan still existed somewhere within the hybrid version we were forced to deal with. In a way I couldn't blame her – in the same circumstances I'd never give up on John, no matter how changed he appeared on the outside. Flashes of his brush with the retrovirus appeared in my head as if to urge me to cut Teyla some slack.

"Teyla!" Carson grabbed a hold of her wrist and tried to pull her along with him.

"Kanaan, the father of my son – he is still here," Teyla explained. "I am not leaving without him."

"There's no time," Carson protested. He tried again to tug her away ... I saw the third figure approach, had one brief second to decide if I should call out a warning and then it was too late. Michael was there in front of them.

Creeping silently under them I made my way around and to the same stairs Michael must have used. Taking each one with deliberate slowness I could just make out what they were saying, even though I'd lost sight of them.

"Quite correct," Michael agreed with Carson. "You should have run when you had the chance, but you let your feelings get in the way."

"Stay back. I'm warning you," Carson's voice shook as he faced Michael bravely.

"Shoot him, Carson," Teyla's voice was full of savageness as she urged him to take action. "Shoot him now!"

"He doesn't want to shoot me," Michael shared casually. "Or, to be more precise, he'd like nothing more but – like all of my creations – he is open to my influence."

I was at their level now, able to see Carson snarl as his hands shook, as he tried to make the shot but couldn't.

"Carson," Teyla pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Teyla," Carson said in anguish, all of his focus on her and Michael such that he didn't see me approach.

"He might not want to shoot you but you won't get the same consideration from me," I pressed the muzzle of my pistol to Michael's temple and cocked the trigger. My voice had been quiet but my words stopped everything dead.

"Ah, Mrs Sheppard," Michael acknowledged conversationally. "You were supposed to have been transferred to our holding cell here but I see you've managed to elude my guards."

"I'm like that sometimes," I looked across at Carson in confusion. "How can you be here? You died on Atlantis two years ago."

"I cloned him myself, after your failed attempt to destroy me along with the other human Wraith," Michael boasted, answering before Carson could. "His work has been invaluable in advancing my plans for the galaxy."

"Clone or not, it's good to see you," I told Carson softly, ignoring Michael's words.

"This is all very touching but I'm a little pressed for time," Michael directed the full force of his attention on Carson. "Shoot her," he ordered grimly, looking from Carson to me and then back again.

"I've got a gun to your head," I reminded him, not really thinking Carson would actually hurt me. "I can still get a shot off, one your Wraith healing abilities won't be able to fix."

I should have realised that he wouldn't just cave to my demands, that he'd attempt something, but I didn't - off balanced by Carson's presence and my fear for Teyla ... by the fact that I was so close to seeing John again.

"I do not believe you would risk the life of your friend," Michael countered, reaching forward suddenly and grabbing Teyla close to his chest. We were like some sick conga line, with Michael sandwiched between us as Carson looked on helplessly. Putting his hand around Teyla's throat Michael squeezed hard enough to have her gasping for breath. "If you shoot me now my dead hand will contract around her neck and strangle the life from her before you can save her.

"Sabina," Teyla forced out pleadingly.

"Shoot her," Michael ordered Carson again.

I lowered my weapon reluctantly, knowing I couldn't shoot Michael with even a small risk to Teyla and the baby. "Don't listen to him Carson," I urged.

"You cannot resist the force of my mind," Michael had everything focussed on Carson. "Kill her ... NOW!"

Carson's hands shook violently as he raised the gun towards me against his will.

"I'm sorry lass," the tears gleamed in his eyes, his hand shaking as his finger slowly squeezed the trigger.

The gunshot echoed loudly in the open space. I flinched hard at the impact in my right shoulder, had a hand pressed to the wound even as I fell to the ground.

"You let me down Doctor," Michael glanced down at me with a frown. "But wounded will do for now."

"You're a sick .... bastard," I ground out painfully, lifting myself up onto my good elbow.

"Perhaps," Michael raised an eyebrow in mild interest at the insult. "But you are still alive to be of use to me again in the future." Reaching down he pulled me to my feet, ignoring my wound and the pained yell I couldn't hold in. Then he was grabbing my gun and pointing it at my heart purposefully. "I _won't_ miss."

Turning back to Carson he shook his head in pretended concern. "You don't look well, Doctor. You should have stayed with me. I'd give you an injection, but I don't have any with me. Anyway, you've served your purpose."

Redirecting his aim of my pistol to point at Carson instead, he squeezed the trigger, getting an empty click instead of the kill shot he'd been after. Throwing it away in disgust he pulled out a stun pistol instead and shot Carson without hesitation.

Teyla and I watched helplessly as Carson gave a pained groan and then crumpled to the ground unconscious.

"Time to go," Michael urged us both forward impatiently. Kanaan intercepted us at the end of the corridor. "Take her," he pushed me forward, dragging Teyla and expecting Kanaan to follow along. "We must get to the ship."

Things got a little fuzzy there for a while, what with the whole gunshot wound and loosing blood and such. I must have been close to the edge because I spent an inordinate amount of time as Michael hurried us along trying to recall if I'd ever been shot before, giggling because for some reason doing a mental inventory of my past injuries struck me as particularly funny.

"Shut her up," Michael ordered when we were again in his Cruiser and about to take off.

I felt the prick of the syringe in counterpoint to the motion of the Cruiser leaving the surface and then it was lights out Sabina.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 13_


	69. Interlude 13: I shot her!

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude ****13: I shot her**

Carson led us through the complex without us finding any resistance, until we turned a corner and were greeted with P-90 gun fire from two mercenaries guarding an open doorway. Diving for cover I glanced around at Carson.

"I'm tired of getting shot at with our own guns," I grated out irritably.

"I'm generally not fond of it regardless of the weapon," Carson replied.

I ducked low, firing a rapid burst that took down one of the guards. Ronon blasted the other and the coast was clear. Proceeding cautiously we moved slowly into the room.

"Hello! Is anyone there?" The voice issued from further inside the room. "You must help us!"

"D'you hear that?" Ronon looked at me with a raised brow.

"Is that _Halling_?" Rodney queried incredulously.

Moving quicker we headed towards the source. "Halling?" I called out when we were close enough to see a locked door ahead.

"Colonel! Through here!" Halling shouted, prompting us to run towards him. "Colonel Sheppard. It is very good to see you."

"Likewise, my friend," I smiled at him through the bars before stepping back so Ronon could shove the door open.

"Are you all right?" Carson rushed forward in concern, with good cause. They were bruised and looked half starved ... and more than half way to beaten.

"We're fine – those of us that are left," Halling replied. "Teyla said you would come."

"Where is she?" I'd already done a survey of their group and knew that both Teyla and Sabina were absent.

"Michael has taken her," Halling revealed urgently. "You must go after her."

"What about Sabina," I asked quickly. "Did you see Sabina?"

"I am sorry Colonel," Halling said compassionately. "Michael brought only Teyla to see us. There was little time to speak of anything before he came for her."

"Oh, okay," I felt blank for a moment and unsure what to make of that. Shaking myself back to the present I looked up at Halling. "Take your people. We'll meet you in a little while."

"It doesn't mean anything you know," Rodney ran beside me as we followed Carson towards the central lab.

"What doesn't?" I shot a glance at Rodney before looking forward again.

"That Halling hasn't seen Sabina," Rodney clarified. "Michael wouldn't see it as a way to coerce her – he was using them to torment Teyla."

I said nothing, just nodded once and then picked up the speed a little.

Carson looked exhausted by the time we ran into the lab – a creepy vault of a room with racks upon racks of shadowy outlines obscured behind thick plastic.

"My God," Carson intoned, looking around with a horrified expression. Moving over to the nearest platform he reached in and felt for a pulse. "They're dead," he confirmed.

There was a table in the centre of the room that gave us all an ominous feeling, looking too much like the Wraith version of an obstetrician's set up. An empty syringe completed the picture and I had to caution Rodney not to think the worst.

There was no sign of Sabina ... "_but it doesn't mean anything_," I told myself firmly.

We didn't get the chance to search far beyond that lab ... more enemy fire converged on our position, this time Wraith stunner blasts from the upper level. We took cover as the ones responsible ran down the stairs for cover of their own. Upstairs they were replaced with more guys with P-90's dividing our attention.

"I don't mean to rush this, but I'm picking up an energy reading," Rodney called out urgently. "Someone's firing up the ship!"

We fired in tandem, trying to flush the enemy out. In the background I heard Rodney calling out for Carson but I couldn't take attention away from the fight long enough to see why. I had to focus on getting rid of these guys – they were standing between me and the chance of finding Sabina and Teyla.

Rodney managed to take out the upstairs mercenary but the downstairs ones were proving stubborn and I could almost hear the clock ticking on stopping the Cruiser from taking off. We needed something else – glancing quickly out of my cover position I spotted just the thing.

"Take a look," I said to Ronon. "East wall. Those things look like gas containers?"

"Yeah," Ronon agreed. "Worth a shot."

"You take the tanks, I'll pin them down with cover fire," I instructed. As one we surged up out of hiding, executing the plan with precision until the roaring gas had knocked the mercenaries off their feet. Before they could get back up Ronon and I had finished them off.

Looking for Rodney I demanded an update. "Where's Beckett?"

"This way," Rodney pointed forwards. We ran through the complex until we reached a section with a second level walkway. I saw him immediately, Carson lying unconscious with two felled hybrid guards nearby.

Ronon and I took care of disarming them while Rodney ran to Carson, shaking him awake.

"What happened?" Carson was at first disorientated.

"You ran off – that's what happened," Rodney explained irritably.

"Teyla," Carson looked at me, "Sabina."

"Did you see them?" I demanded.

"Oh, no," Carson looked at me in horror, not the expression I needed to see right then.

Before I could quiz him though, the roar of an engine resounded from outside the building, loud enough that it seemed to shake the whole structure.

"What the hell is that?" Ronon demanded.

"It's the ship!" Rodney returned grimly.

I had Ronon stay to help Carson down while Rodney and I pursued the ship. A rapid descent down a flight of stairs and through an external door and we were just in time to see Michael's cruiser lift up into the sky.

"_Damn it!_" I yelled, slamming my clenched fist against the doorframe before leaning my forehead against the wall with a pained groan. I felt the disappointment like a physical pain, like an elastic band clenched around my chest.

I had to get out of there.

Shrugging off Rodney's hesitant hand on my shoulder, I surged out the door and down towards the trees.

Kicking at tree stumps wasn't satisfying and I'm pretty sure only made me look ridiculous but it did ease the pressure in my chest a little. Slumping down against a tree trunk I stared blankly into the forest, wondering what the hell I should do next.

"How're you doing lad?" Carson's footfalls announced his presence before he sat down next to me.

"Wishing I had a set of golf clubs so I could beat the crap out of something," I returned with grim humour. "How're you doing?"

"I came to apologise," Carson ignored my enquiry about his health. "Michael had a way of getting me to do things even when I'd resolved I wouldn't cooperate. I thought it was just a combination of the drugs he was feeding me and the fears because he held Atlantis as a threat over my head every single day. Only it wasn't ... he did something to me. I had the gun pointed right at him, had the clear shot but I couldn't do it. I could hear his voice in my head telling me not to shoot ... I wanted to but ... I didn't."

"It's not your fault," I excused lightly.

"There's more Colonel," Carson said despondently. "I saw Sabina too. She'd managed to get free and snuck up behind Michael – put a gun to his head as calm as you please. You'd have been proud if you could have seen her face down Michael like that."

"So why isn't she still here then?" I knew this was the bit that had put that horrified look on Carson's face and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out why.

"I shot her," Carson said it forcefully, his face screwed up with misery. "Michael's voice was in my head, demanding over and over. Shoot her. Kill her. I tried to resist but he wouldn't stop, like a knife twisting in my head. I couldn't help myself. I had to obey."

"How bad?" I asked starkly.

"Shoulder wound, right side, mostly ... _hopefully_ a flesh wound," Carson admitted. "My hand was shaking so much and I never was that good a shot."

"She's gonna be steamed," I looked over at him with a forced smile. "Same shoulder she took a Replicator spike in a couple of months back."

"I am so sorry Colonel," Carson said again, looking like he was about to cry. I couldn't hold him responsible ... he was as much a victim as anyone.

"Not your fault," I said again. "We wouldn't have been here at all without your help." We sat for a few minutes in silence before I roused myself to action, opening a channel so I could get things moving. "Ronon, round up all the prisoners – we'll take them back to Atlantis for questioning. I'm heading back to search that place from top to bottom – maybe there's a clue in there somewhere."

oOo

There wasn't, and no trace of Teyla or Sabina either, forcing me to return to Atlantis empty handed again. I could barely contain the frustration I felt at being so close to Sabina but having the chance to rescue her slip through my fingers. It had taken too long to take out Michael's forces, his hybrids proving smarter and more resilient than I would have imagined ... something else that worried me. How many of those things did Michael have under his command? How many were on the ship with Sabina and Teyla?

"We have made progress," Colonel Carter insisted later when I stopped in at her office to find out how the Athosian's were doing.

"Not that I'm unhappy seeing Halling and the others again," I returned, expression grim, "but it's not exactly a consolation Colonel ... the longer this goes on the ...," I broke off, unable to say it.

"I know this is difficult John but at this point I think we can assume that Michael will keep them _both_ alive," Sam offered.

"He wanted Carson to kill her!" I shot back, the stark reality of that making my voice choppy and harsh.

"I'm not so sure that's really what Michael wanted," Sam suggested. "He's worked with Carson for two years ... he knows what Beckett is capable of. More than likely Michael just wanted Carson to know that he could control him ... could still force him to do his bidding even without being a captive."

"Mind games?" I suggested, frowning as I tried to convince myself that was all it had been. Believing otherwise would only have me imagining Sabina at the whim of every hybrid Michael controlled, living on the edge every second of every day. I couldn't do that day in day out and focus on getting her back so I did my best to buy into Sam's belief.

oOo

As if the situation with Sabina wasn't bad enough, another difficult situation awaited us a few hours after our return. Carson was sinking too fast to find the formula he needed and he'd agreed to Jennifer's stasis pod idea. Rodney was distraught to lose his friend for the second time but doing a surprisingly good job of hiding it, even with Carson's self diagnosis that entry into that pod was probably a one way deal.

It was difficult to stand there and watch him say goodbye, although I guess on the plus side this time he actually was getting the chance to do that. When he stopped in front of me, hand outstretched I shook it firmly.

"Don't you worry, Doc," I reassured him. "We're gonna have you out of there in no time."

"Colonel. You bring her home, now, you understand?" he urged intently. "You bring them both home."

"Count on it," I promised, earning a nod from him in return.

The others said their goodbyes too and then there was nothing left but for Carson to step inside the chamber.

"I want you all to know that seeing you again these last few days – it was all worth it, no matter what happens," he looked at us all with a smile.

On agreement with Rodney that this wasn't goodbye, he raised a hand. "See you all later."

It was disturbing to see the stasis field sweep over Carson, leaving behind his frozen figure, and it felt like that goodbye Rodney had been so determined not to say. Leaving the room mutely I walked aimlessly until I ended up on the East Pier. It was easy to picture Sabina there, sitting on the edge with her legs dangling over the side.

Sitting down beside her spot I looked out over the ocean and thought. Carson was in a stasis pod and we had multiple prisoners to interrogate but nothing concrete to pursue. It felt like we were settling in for the long haul, like the urgency of the past week had run out and we'd given up on finding Sabina and Teyla quickly.

My soul felt heavy as I acknowledged that it could be weeks before I was reunited with my wife ... although I promised myself that it would happen – I _would_ see her again.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 57_


	70. You share more in common

**Chapter 57: You share more in common than I would have guessed**

"Ouch," I moaned, coming back to consciousness slowly. The first thing I noticed was that my shoulder hurt like hell.

Then everything came back to me in a rush ... Carson somehow alive, pointing a gun at me; Michael with his hand around Teyla's throat ... and worst of all the fact that John and the others had _been_ there but I hadn't managed a way to get to them.

I was feeling so sorry for myself, I could actually feel tears welling in my eyes ... God, talk about pathetic!

"Suck it up Sabina," I urged myself in disgust.

Raising myself up from the floor on my elbows I craned my head to look ... Michael _had_ put me back in my cell but he'd also taken the trouble to treat my bullet wound, if the bandage was any indicator. So clearly he still had plans for me.

"_Sabina?_" The whisper inside my head had me lurching to my feet unsteadily, putting a hand on the wall until the head rush of dizziness had passed.

"_Teyla!_" I thought back. "_Are you okay?_"

"_Thank the Ancestors!_" Teyla's mental tone was heavy with relief. "_I have been trying for hours to contact you._"

"_Sorry_," I replied. "_I was ... occupied being unconscious. Michael patched me up though so I'm good to go._"

"_We are in hyperspace_," Teyla informed me, "_and I have been unable to get through to Kanaan, although there have been moments I was sure he would help us. Back on the planet he would have freed me, had Michael not returned too soon._"

"_You have to give up on that_!" I meant to make that gentle but my frustration and anger must have leaked through.

"_You should have escaped while you had the chance_," Teyla said dismissively.

"_I didn't mean that the way it sounded_," I thought apologetically. "_I just ... I have to get you out of this Teyla. You said it yourself, Michael wants your baby and it's pretty clear there isn't anything he wouldn't do to achieve his objective._"

"_It is the gift ... the Wraith DNA_," Teyla explained. "_Both Kanaan and I have it, and so does our son. Michael believes him to be genetically unique._"

"_And he wants that for his hybrids_," I concluded.

"_He has not hurt me_," Teyla reassured me. "_He injected me with something but he said it was to help the baby. I felt nothing ... no different than before the injection. I believe he will continue to treat me well for the good of my child._"

"_You'll tell me the instant that changes_," I ordered sternly. "_No arguments._"

"_You sound like John_," Teyla said in amusement. "_Be assured, I will inform you if my circumstances change._"

"_What happened?_" I asked in a more reasonable mental tone. "_I was here on the Cruiser for hours before they finally came for me._"

"_I saw them_," Teyla's tone was tearful but also happy. "_My people – Halling and some of the others. They were on that planet Sabina._"

"_Which means that John and the others have already rescued them_," I smiled for the first time in days. At least something good had come from our ordeal.

"_Yes_," Teyla agreed somewhat sadly. "_I was relieved to see them but ... their numbers were much depleted._"

"_Michael?_" I asked gently.

"_He took them and he experimented on them ... and he killed them or worse converted them into his hybrids_," Teyla confirmed. Her tone turned harsh as she continued. "O_ne day I _will_ make him pay for what he has done._"

"_I'm sorry Teyla_," I said softly, not sure what else I could say to comfort her. "_Just ... concentrate on winning over Kanaan. But don't do anything to provoke Michael._"

It wasn't much but I didn't have anything else ... despite the hours I spent trying to come up with a new plan.

oOo

That's the way things were for the next week, Teyla bearing the brunt of all Michael's attention while I was ignored in my cell, only seeing others when one of the hybrids brought me food. I used those visits as my marker of time passing, taking us ever closer to Teyla's due date.

She was true to her word, letting me know after each session with Michael that she was okay, showing me flashes of his visits and the way he was monitoring her unborn son.

It was all disturbing at the deepest level and I couldn't help but worry about the strain on Teyla and wonder how much more she could take before she broke. Every time he visited, every time he made her feel like nothing more than a vessel for his sadistic purposes, I heard the pain and despair in her mental voice.

"_Have you made any progress with Kanaan?_" I asked after one such session.

"_Michael lets Kanaan escort me to and from my cell_," Teyla admitted. "_He knows how much it tortures me to see Kanaan like this._"

"_Are you getting through to him?_" I persisted.

"_At times_," Teyla replied. "_But then Michael returns and I am back to square one._"

"_The mental control Michael programmed into all his hybrids_," I acknowledged grimly. "_We need to do something about that._"

"_I am stronger with my pregnancy but nowhere near enough to oppose Michael openly_," Teyla said worriedly.

"_I wouldn't want you to do that anyway_," I denied, thinking hard. "_I'll come up with something._"

"_He talks continually of my son's future_," Teyla admitted. "_Of how he will use what he is to shape the future. He means to take my child from me ... and I am not a part of his plans._"

"_I won't let that happen_," I promised.

oOo

It took me about two days to get desperate enough to have an idea, and another four days before I'd convinced Teyla there was no other choice. I had to divert Michael's attention away from her, give her a chance to recover some of her emotional strength. Give her more time to win Kanaan over without Michael always around to enforce his mental controls and undo any progress she was making. The only way to do that was to give him something else he'd hopefully decide was even more interesting.

Me.

Not the me he thought he had ... Mrs John Sheppard, bargaining chip and possible test subject for his hybrid treatments ... something I was sure he'd eventually get to once he got sick of feeding me.

No, I was thinking the only thing that would divert his interests was if he knew everything ... that I was a full Lantean, with multiple gene skills. That I had Wraith DNA too and Wraith skills I'd been able to use in ways even Teyla hadn't managed before her pregnancy.

It was thinking about Diamantia's words that had given me the idea. Not that I believed her when she'd said there was something about me that could save all the humans in the galaxy. But she had urged me not to hide what I was ... perhaps it _was_ as simple as revealing secrets I'd become so accustomed to holding tight to.

"_Very well_," Teyla finally agreed reluctantly. "_I will reveal your true nature to Michael._"

"_You'll need to make it look like he's forced it out of you_," I pointed out insistently. "_Otherwise he won't believe you; he'll think you're just trying to divert him._"

"_That is in fact what we are doing_," Teyla returned.

"_Yeah, but with something true_," I countered. "_Once he takes the bait I fully intend to show him that._"

"_You will be careful_," Teyla said sternly. "_John will not forgive me should something happen to you because of this attempt to spare me._"

"_Back at you_," I grinned before adding, "_You know you sounded like someone's mother just then._" She didn't say anything but I felt her sadness and buried down beneath everything else her fear that she wouldn't get to be a mother to her son. "_I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry Teyla. But I know this will work,_" I said confidently. "_If you can win Kanaan over then the next time we land he might help us escape._"

"_It is the only plan we have and so we will make it work_," Teyla agreed.

Neither of us said it but with all the jumping into and out of hyperspace along with the very short stints at each of Michael's outposts we'd given up on the idea of Atlantis finding us in time. If we were going to get out of this then it would be up to us.

oOo

I didn't hear what Teyla said to Michael, didn't see what she let slip to out me as a Wraith gene carrier but I knew almost immediately that she had been successful.

"_You_ have the gift!" Michael strode into my cell and got right up into my face angrily.

"What gift?" I asked innocently, putting on a puzzled expression as I tried not to flinch away from him.

"There is no point in lying to me," Michael smiled triumphantly. "Teyla did well to hide the knowledge from me for so long but I took it directly from her mind. You share more in common than I would have guessed."

"She wouldn't have ...," I began grimly, getting into the spirit of my role.

"I can assure you that she did, despite her struggles to keep your secret," Michael interrupted. "Now all that remains is for me to see how adept you are at making use of it."

I knew what he was going to do next ... I'd been preparing the whole time he was standing there congratulating himself on finding out my secret.

His mental strike hit hard but bounced harmlessly off the noise I was projecting... my own little version of sticking my fingers in my ears and chanting 'I'm not listening ... I'm not listening'.

"You have some skill," he acknowledged in surprise, breaking off his attack.

"You're not the first Wraith I've had a conversation with," I smiled casually. "Although in the past it was Queens so this is a bit of a step down for me."

"You think to provoke me," Michael laughed almost as if he was delighted with the prospect.

"Not really, but I have to get my entertainment somehow," I pushed out forcefully with my own mind, seeking to make a connection with him. He wasn't expecting that – in his arrogance he'd assumed there was no one who was a match for him. I saw glimpses of his thoughts before he blocked me ... the future as he imagined it devoid of both Wraith and humans alike, filled only with his own sick and twisted army. A host of thousands, all created in his own image.

"That's a part of it isn't it?" I said intently. "You're different ... we _made_ you different and the Wraith spurned you for it. You're just a lonely hybrid who doesn't want to be the only one!"

"Are you not just a hybrid too?" Michael snarled angrily. "Do your own people truly accept you despite your differences? And Colonel Sheppard – did he know what you were before he got involved with you?"

"If you're trying to suggest that I deceived John, that he wants to get out now he knows the truth about me you couldn't be more wrong," I smiled complacently.

"I have seen inside Teyla's head," Michael countered. "I know the Gift sets you apart ... they trust you but they are wary."

"Maybe the Athosian's feel that way but it's not the same for my people," I retorted. "Of course it helps that Teyla and I aren't out there killing thousands of innocent people! Maybe if you'd tried to work with us instead of twisting the entire galaxy to suit your purposes you wouldn't be so pathetic."

"You did not want to work with me," Michael denied grimly. "You only wanted to force me into your own image ... can you really stand there and claim your retrovirus is any different than my own alterations?!"

"I never said I agreed with that," I said quietly. "But was what you had with us so much worse than where you are now?"

"I grow tired of this," Michael tried again to gain control of my mind but again I blocked him out.

"That's not all I can do," I knew the mental thing wasn't enough – if I was going to divert him from Teyla I'd have to give a full demonstration.

Flicking a glance at the open doorway I accessed the ships neural network and commanded the webbing to close.

"How did you ...?" Michael glanced at the controls. I kept a firm hold, feeling him trying to reopen them but getting nowhere as I held them closed. "Impossible!"

"I've flown a Hive ship," I began the list of skills I knew would tip the balance. "Stood up against more than one Queen, bested one in physical and mental combat."

I paused to let him digest that before making the check mate move.

"I've killed with a single thought."

I saw his eyes widen as the implications registered. "Yeah, that's right," I bit out. "It was me, that day on that planet we abandoned you and the other converted Wraith on. I used an Ancient device we stumbled across so I could take out as many of you as possible sure, but it was _my_ thought that killed them, _my_ control of the Hive weapons that destroyed your camp."

"You?" He looked shell shocked for a moment but I knew it was coming, the moment when his disbelief turned into calculation. "This is ... interesting."

And there it was.

I could practically see the wheels turning in his head as the possibilities registered and overrode his anger.

"Release the door controls," Michael commanded. "Release them or I _will_ hurt your friend."

"You won't hurt her and risk the baby," I countered. "Despite what you might think I can do for you, you still need her."

"There are many ways to hurt," Michael approached me slowly, running a finger down my cheek assessingly. "Many that will preserve Teyla as a vessel for the life she carries."

"Well, since you put it that way," I leaned away from him, raising an eyebrow, silently letting him know I wasn't doing anything until he'd gotten out of my face. Laughing mockingly he stepped back and waved a hand towards the door.

I let the controls go, watched the webbing contract again, knowing that my easy run was at an end. It would be all downhill from there.

oOo

It wasn't that bad to start with ... Michael took a perverse pleasure in strapping me onto his examination table and hooking me up to his devices but all he did the first couple of sessions was take readings and lots of blood samples.

Of course I had the past to contend with, flashes of Walker and my treatment back on Earth making me shake inside. I held to everything tightly to give the outward appearance of being relaxed because Michael would jump on anything that looked like a weakness, and exploit it for his own purposes. It was hard to start with but as the days and sessions with Michael passed I began to feel numb ... was it really possible to get used to something like that or had I just buried it so deep I couldn't access it anymore?

Michael was still keeping tabs on Teyla's condition, but not every day like before. Teyla had made some progress with Kanaan as a result, and had got him to admit that Michael was spending a lot of time by himself, presumably analysing my DNA and working out how he could use it.

There was a moral dilemma in that I hadn't considered prior to coming up with the plan ... the fact that for all intents and purposes I was helping Michael make his army stronger. That hardly sat well with what Diamantia had said about me – that I would help stop human suffering in the galaxy.

"_You cannot hold yourself responsible for what Michael perpetuates_," Teyla advised during one of our daily mental check-ins. Luckily for us Michael hadn't made the connection between my obvious mental strengths and Teyla having the gift too. Maybe he thought she wouldn't be strong enough – she'd kept a secret the fact that her pregnancy had enhanced those abilities. "_Just as you would not hold John responsible for what the Wraith have done since he awoke them._"

"_Of course not_," I dismissed. "_Still, helping someone so dangerous as an individual is a little different than waking a familiar enemy. I'm helping Michael create something he might not have done otherwise. John did something that only sped up the timetable – the Wraith would have come eventually without his interference._"

"_There is no assurance your DNA will help Michael_," Teyla pointed out. "_Kanaan let it slip today that Michael is becoming frustrated ... perhaps because he is unable to do what he was hoping._"

"_I don't know whether that's a good thing or not_," I admitted glumly. "_From a purely personal view I don't want him getting too frustrated because then he'll come after me._"

"_Do not give up hope_," Teyla urged. "_Atlantis _is_ looking for us and we have many allies. Someone will have seen us and get word to them._"

"_They'll be playing catch up_," I shook my head at the thought, knowing how much that was gonna piss John off. "_Michael's changing locations too quickly._"

"_I must go_," Teyla broke in quickly. "_Kanaan comes._"

Sighing at the usual interrupted conversation I sat back against the wall of my cell dejectedly. My plan was working, Michael was distracted and leaving Teyla alone. But it had been almost two weeks and I was missing John so badly it was like a constant ache I couldn't ignore. A girl had to be strong in the Pegasus galaxy but she should also know when to all right to let out a little emotion.

Now seemed like as good a time as any so I put my head on my raised knees and had a good cry.

**Authors Note:**

Timing wise there seemed to be a gap from the end of The Kindred Part 2 to the beginning of the next episode where Atlantis followed up leads from allies and then John is missing for twelve days during The Last Man ... Teyla must have been close to eight months pregnant when the Kindred begins so I guessed about a month goes by before the beginning of Search and Rescue.

PS - Sorry I haven't replied to reviews from the last chapter - I WILL - but it's _really_ late and I guessed you'd all rather another chapter than have me delay until I'm awake enough to do everything.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 14 ... and the beginning of The Last Man ... FINALLY!_


	71. Interlude 14: What the hell r you doing?

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 1****4: What the hell are you doing?!**

What followed was possibly the most frustrating two weeks of my life. We had every off world team out there listening for any hint of Michael, or any rumours about prisoners from Atlantis. I personally visited every one of our established allies and trading partners within the first week, asking them to keep their ears open and let us know if they heard anything, no matter how minor it sounded.

When I wasn't off world following up on leads I was back on Atlantis projecting vibes that said 'approach at your own risk'. Only Colonel Carter, Lorne and my team ignored them. I was poor company on a mammoth scale ... I had nothing to say unless it was about the search for Sabina and Teyla – what we'd already done, what we were going to do next.

No one tried to placate me, to tell me not to worry and that everything would be all right ... for which I was beyond grateful. I didn't want pity or positive attitudes in my face ... all I wanted was Sabina and since that didn't look like happening any time soon I just didn't want to talk about that stuff.

I was wound so tight it wasn't a surprise I'd overreact when someone said the wrong thing. It was one of the Gateroom techs and his throw away comment about something completely trivial that set me off.

"I wonder who'll give the Lieutenant a run for his money now that Sabina's gone," I overheard the comment on the last couple of steps up to the Control Room. "She was the best street hockey player we had on our team."

I had the guy backed up against the wall before he could blink, one forearm pressing into his throat while I held him up by his shirt.

"_She's not gone_," I growled angrily, "and she's _still_ the best player on your team."

"Yes ... Sir," he choked out.

"John!" Rodney rushed up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder and pulling back sharply. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"This guy was talking like Sabina's not coming back," I glanced at Rodney irritably before glaring back at my captive.

"Let him go," Rodney urged.

"I hear you talked about Sabina like that again, I'll come back and make you regret it," I threatened, pushing forward with my arm to get the message across before releasing him.

I was out the door and heading back down the stairs while that guy was still crumpling down to the floor ... and I didn't feel guilty. I was pissed off with all the delays, with the lack of real leads, with the fact that everything was going too slowly because no one had as much of a stake in this as I did. And I didn't much care who knew about it.

"John, wait up!" Rodney ran to catch up with me, already panting at the exertion.

"Not now McKay," I ordered without missing a stride.

"Yes now!" Rodney insisted. "John!"

"What?!" I stopped suddenly, turning to see him skidding to a halt in front of me.

"What was that back there?" Rodney gestured behind him towards the Control Room.

"What do you think it was?" I threw up my hands, turned away and then back again. "What the hell do any of you expect? Do you think this is easy ... waiting days ... hell _weeks_ to find out if my wife is even still alive? I'm this close," I held up two fingers with no space between them, "this close Rodney to punching my fist through something – every minute of every goddamn day!"

"I know it's not easy," Rodney grimaced. "And okay, maybe I don't really understand what you're going through but you can't just go around assaulting the staff for one admittedly stupid comment!"

"I can't do this Rodney," I said quietly, my anger disappearing abruptly. "I can't keep going out there, keeping up the facade that I'm handling this if everyone is back here already treating Sabina like she's not coming back."

"No one thinks that!" Rodney protested. I looked at him pointedly, silently reminding him of the comment I'd walked in on. "Okay," he allowed, "maybe one or two people _are_ thinking in that direction but not the ones who count. Not me."

"I appreciate that Rodney," I relented somewhat. "I do but ... something better break soon ... or I will."

"John," Rodney looked at me worriedly but I just shook my head.

"It's okay," I tried for the classic John Sheppard easy going smile. "Listen, I gotta go admit to Carter that I roughed up one of the Techs. If I still have a job I'll talk to you later."

Leaving him standing in the corridor I reversed direction yet again and strode up the steps to Carter's office.

"Colonel," I waited in the door for her to respond.

"I was just about to call you up here," Sam looked at me pointedly, her expression grim.

"You already heard what happened," I had the grace to look ashamed.

"Yes," Sam shook her head. "What were you thinking John?"

"I wasn't," I admitted. "I just ... he said something ... about Sabina. I reacted before I thought about it. I'm sorry."

"Well, you're lucky he doesn't want to press charges," Sam said sternly. "Said he deserved it."

"No he didn't," I couldn't put the blame on anyone but myself.

"No," Sam agreed simply.

"I'll talk to him," I promised. "Apologise, try to come up with something to make amends."

"Yes you will," Sam got up from her side of the desk and lent against it. It was a shift that said she wasn't Colonel Carter, my commanding officer for the moment, but Sam, a concerned friend. "John, do I need to do something here? I can put you on leave, assign you somewhere else ... just tell me what you need."

"I need my wife back," I forced the words out around the sudden thickness residing in my throat, "but in the absence of that I need to be working towards finding something that will lead us to her. Please Sam - just let me do my job. I'll make sure nothing like this happens again."

"Okay," Sam nodded, putting a hand on my arm before returning to her seat. "What progress did you make today?"

"Not much," I admitted. "Got a message from one of our Genii contacts. I'm meeting him on M4S-587 tomorrow morning."

"Let me know how it goes," Sam's tone made it clear that was the end of the conversation. Nodding gratefully I high tailed it out of there.

oOo

"Colonel?" I turned from my inspection of the ocean to see Major Lorne standing in the doorway, a hesitant expression on his face. It was well after midnight and I'd believed I was the only one awake in the city, apart from those on duty in the Gateroom.

I'd been thinking about what I'd done ... how close I'd come to losing it completely. Rodney had tried to talk to me again once I'd returned from Sam's office ... and then sent Ronon to have a go as well when I stubbornly refused to cooperate. Ronon understood though, said he would have done the same in my place. It was a short conversation.

"Major," I replied, looking back to the sea. "What're you doing up this late?"

"Couldn't sleep Sir," Lorne admitted, walking onto the balcony and taking up a position next to me. Silence reigned for a few minutes before he spoke again. "I heard what happened in the Control Room."

"You and everyone else in the city," I said casually.

"I just wanted to tell you Sir that I ... the guys and I haven't given up on Sabina," Lorne spoke firmly, his gaze direct. "We _won't_ give up Sir, no matter how long it takes to bring her and Teyla back."

"I know. Don't worry about me Major," I added.

"Sabina will have my head if I let you do something stupid ... Sir," Lorne pointed out, the faint hint of a smile on his face.

"Too late for that," I admitted. "I don't suppose I can convince you to keep my little lapse to yourself?"

"Wouldn't do any good Sir," Lorne chuckled. "Unless you intend to swear the whole city to secrecy."

"That's always an option," I shrugged, leaning my forearms against the railing and peering down to the levels below.

"We _are_ going to find her Sir," Lorne tried to reassure me, and maybe himself too. I hadn't missed the fact that he'd been striding around the city in almost as bad a mood as my own since the day Teyla and Sabina had been taken but for the first time I actively considered why.

"You're not blaming yourself still?" I shot him a glance, frowning when he looked away. "You are! Evan," my rare use of his first name had his eyes shooting to mine. "Michael set a very careful trap ... he used what he knows of Teyla and there's no way anyone was going to change what happened. Not you ... and not me."

"Easy to believe that in my head Sir," Lorne replied in a low tone. "A little harder to believe it in my heart.

"You know," I said lightly, "you can call me John off duty ... it's a little ridiculous to be Siring me when, aside from me, you're my wife's best friend and more than a little in love with her."

Lorne swallowed abruptly, coughing more than once before he got his surprise back under control. "I'm not 'in love' with Sabina Sir ... ah John," he corrected when I raised an eyebrow at him. "I mean, I ah ... of course I _love_ her – but like you love a friend who knows you too well to ...," stopping, he took a deep breath and then looked at me directly. "I admire Sabina a great deal and you know, if I were lucky enough to meet someone like her I wouldn't hesitate."

"I'm surprised she hasn't tried to match you up with someone already," I said, amused.

Should I have worried about the closeness that existed between Sabina and Evan? Would Sabina worry about that same closeness existing between Teyla and I? I didn't think so ... both of us treated all the members of our team as family ... and by extension I knew that Sabina considered Teyla, Ronon and Rodney to be her family too. I'd do that a grave disservice if I didn't look at her team mates in the same light.

Besides, Evan Lorne had been my 2IC for almost three years. He was a good man ... a good _friend_ ... I wouldn't have chosen him to look after Sabina out in the field if I hadn't believed I could trust him with her. That had put him in a difficult position at times ... I knew it wasn't easy to balance treating Sabina like she was just another team mate with feeling that he'd answer to me on a personal level whenever anything went wrong. I probably should have told him I understood that a long time ago.

"She's made some noises," Evan admitted, smiling fondly. "So far I've managed to head her off."

"Or maybe she hasn't found someone she considers good enough for you," I returned. "Don't be thinking you're safe there Evan ... she's sneaky." Slapping his shoulder fondly I turned back to the ocean again. "You should get some sleep – we're heading out early in the morning.

"Yes Sir," he replied, leaving the railing and heading for the doors. "John?" I turned again, seeing him standing in the doorway with a concerned expression. "You gonna be alright?"

"For now," I agreed, not saying the words we both knew would come next ... that if we didn't find Sabina I wouldn't be.

Nodding, Evan turned and left me to my solitude. It was strange but after that conversation I did feel a little better.

oOo

Our Genii contact had insisted on meeting with me alone at the local tavern ... leaving Major Lorne and his team waiting at the Gate on M4S-587 I headed through the trees towards the village, lost in my thoughts.

A few minutes later I walked through the doors of the village local. The tavern was deserted that early in the day ... finding a seat with a good vantage point on both the exits and the windows I sat down to wait, stretching my legs out in front of me.

oOo

An hour past the scheduled time and the guy hadn't still shown up. Calling it a bust I got up and walked back to the Gate ... not really that surprising given the lead had been Genii and relations always bordered on the weird and unreliable.

"So, how'd it go, sir?" Lorne asked hopefully when I appeared through the trees.

"The Genii contact didn't show up," I reported.

"Can't say I'm surprised," Lorne admitted.

"What are you saying, Major?" I said sarcastically. "The Genii can't be trusted?!"

"They did try and kill Doctor McKay and I ... not to mention Harmony," Lorne reminded me.

"True, true – and normally that's the kind of thing I'd take personally, but Ladon claims he didn't order the hit," I offered ruefully. "He's trying to get on our good side."

"You really think they know anything about where Michael took Teyla and Sabina?" Lorne took it all back to the serious.

"Well, they get solid intel," I returned with a grimace. "Every lead, no matter how thin – remember?"

"Yeah," Lorne nodded, looking at me for orders. "So what do you wanna do?"

Walking over to the DHD I dialled Atlantis. "Well, I'm gonna go ahead. You stay behind for a few hours; tell me if he shows up."

"Will do," Lorne stepped back with a nod.

The kawhoosh shot out, settling into a stable wormhole. I walked through as usual ... and out into Atlantis. And that's when things took a sharp turn into the bizarre.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 15_


	72. Interlude 15: He was old geriatric old

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude ****15: He was old ... geriatric old**

The Gateroom was deserted ... there were no lights, no signs of activity and no people. It felt deserted, strange ... and very hot.

"Somebody turn up the heat?" I called out, looking around. "Hello?" I called out again when nobody answered. Deciding to check things out a bit further I walked towards the stairs to the Control Room, looking around to see if I could spot anyone. "If this is a surprise party, it's not my birthday," I quipped uncertainly, feeling the anxiety beginning to bubble under the surface.

Something was wrong, hugely wrong ... a fact made obvious by the dark and deserted Control Room I walked into at the top of the stairs. Frowning in confusion I activated my headset.

"This is Sheppard. Anyone read?"

There was no reply.

"I repeat, this is Sheppard. Anyone on this channel?"

Still nothing. What the hell was going on here? Spotting the doors leading to the outside balcony I decided to check on the external situation. Only trouble was the door didn't open automatically like it should have when I approached. Pushing it open manually took more effort that I would have expected, the reason becoming clear when I looked outside.

The light was strange, too red, and a wave of heat hit me as soon as I stepped outside. Where there should have been ocean there was only sand, as far into the distance as I could see, miles and miles of desert sand. Moving to the edge of the balcony I looked down in disbelief. The lower levels of the city were half buried in sand ... it was inconceivable. What could have happened since I'd left that morning to explain this? And where _was_ everyone?

What the hell was I gonna do to fix this one?

Heading back inside I tried to access each of the consoles in the Control Room but very clearly there was no power.

"All right. This isn't good," I muttered when nothing worked. "The most elaborate practical joke of all time, or I'm in serious trouble here."

I didn't expect a response but I got one ... of a sort. My radio came to life with a mix of static and what sounded like a voice, garbled and indistinct. I tapped my headset immediately.

"This is Sheppard. Anyone on this frequency?"

There was another burst of static and then a familiar voice replied.

"Sheppard? Is that really you?"

"_McKay_," I felt the relief sweeping over me. Thank God I wasn't alone after all. I didn't know what had happened but at least Rodney was still alive and hopefully working on the problem.

"I can't believe it! It actually worked!" Rodney replied incredulously.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded impatiently. "What the hell's going on here?"

"I imagine you're a little confused right now," Rodney commented. "God! For you, like, what, five minutes has passed?"

"Rodney!" I retorted irritably, not sure what he meant but impatient to find out.

"Look, I need you to describe exactly what you're seeing," Rodney instructed in a businesslike tone. "Where are you?"

"I'm in the Control Room," I replied. "It's deserted."

"I know – is there any power?" Rodney continued. That didn't reassure me – if he was working on fixing whatever had caused all this, wouldn't he already know about the power?

"No," I looked towards the balcony again, remembering the rest of it. "Everything's dead – and, oh yeah, did I tell you the ocean's gone?"

"Sorry, what?" Rodney was confused – finally something I could help with.

"The big blue thing out the window," I explained. "It's gone. It's – it's – it's a desert – and it's about a hundred and twenty degrees in here."

"Oh, jeez, the planet must have undergone some serious climate changes," Rodney exclaimed.

"If you don't start giving me some answers pretty soon here ...," I let the implied threat stand unspoken at the end of that.

"OK, look, I understand this is hard for you," Rodney replied. "Just do me a favour and go to the Hologram Room."

"Why?" I frowned, even more confused. The city was in serious trouble and he wanted me in the Hologram Room? How was that going to help?

"Just do it. Please," Rodney begged.

Shaking my head I switched on the light on my P-90, setting out at jogging pace. It was a long trip down the back stairs and long dark corridor before I finally arrived at the Hologram Room, a bit puffed out and eager for answers. I'll admit I was more than a little disappointed that Rodney wasn't there.

"All right. I'm here," I announced to the dark and empty room.

"Well, activate the hologram projector," Rodney said like that should have been obvious.

"There's no power," I reminded him.

"It's connected to an independent power source," Rodney revealed. "Don't worry – it will work."

Stepping up to the console I waved my hand over it uncertainly, not really expecting anything to happen.

"Hey there," Rodney's voice from directly behind me had me spinning around in surprise.

Did I say bizarre? At the sight of my friend I moved that along to beyond impossible. It was Rodney, but it wasn't, at least not the one I'd left on Atlantis that morning. He was old ... geriatric old, complete with wrinkles, grey hair and an old man wardrobe topped off by of all things an old brown cardigan.

He was smiling a welcome and I was thinking Crap!, even as I acknowledged his presence. "Rodney!"

"God, it's good to see you again," Rodney said, still smiling.

"You're a hologram!" I couldn't help but point out, even though stating the obvious was usually more his gig.

"No!" Rodney retorted, taking his hands from his pockets to stare at them in pretend disbelief before laughing at his own joke. "Of course! I tapped into the city's internal sensors, so I've got eyes and ears – so to speak. You look good."

"You look, uh ...," I touched my fingers to his chest, watching them sink right through him in sick fascination, "... different."

"That's 'cause you remember me the way I was," Rodney said simply.

"What, you mean earlier _today_?" I retorted irritably.

"Ah, it's funny, you know?" Rodney commented self depreciatingly. "I spent the last twenty five years of my life trying to figure out how to make this work, and I never once thought what I was gonna say to you when you got here."

"You can start by telling me what the hell's going on here!" I insisted, on the edge of anger ... at a hologram for god's sake.

"Ah. Right, right," Rodney acknowledged my demand. "OK. Um, remember that mission report? SG-1 stepped through the Gate. Their wormhole accidentally intersected with a solar flare and they were sent back to 1969."

"Uh, well, vaguely," I admitted.

"Well, something similar has just happened to you," Rodney announced.

"I was sent back in time?" I looked at Rodney for confirmation. Sent back in time wasn't so bad right? SG1 had made it through that and presumably Rodney knew how they'd done it so I was set.

"Uh, no. In fact, you were sent forward into the future," Rodney explained.

The future ... just like Sabina. I guess that proved beyond doubt that future travel really was possible, even without the intervention of an Ascended being.

"How far into the future?" I asked worriedly. Given the level of change around the place and the fact that Rodney was really, _really_ old I braced myself for an answer around the fifty year mark.

"Huh, an interesting question – and one that was not easy to figure out," Rodney shifted into classic smug McKay lecture mode. "I had to determine the exact characteristics of the solar flare in question ...,"

"Rodney!" I interrupted irritably – I didn't have time for one of his long winded explanations.

"Forty eight thousand years, give or take," Rodney cut to the chase abruptly.

Maybe I should have let him explain just a little ... the magnitude of that number had my head spinning. "This is a practical joke." God, please tell me this is a joke!

"No, I'm afraid not," Rodney admitted sadly. "Freak accident. Sorry."

"You're telling me I just travelled forty eight thousand years into the future in ten seconds?" I tried to clarify what couldn't possibly be true, no matter what he said. He was a hologram, not the real Rodney McKay which meant he could be wrong. He _had_ to be wrong.

"I know – it is kind of cool when you think about it, isn't it?" Rodney misunderstood my reaction completely.

"Surfing a thirty foot wave in Waimei is cool," I returned, feeling myself getting worked up. "Getting married in Vegas was cool." I was all the way into anger now. "This is not cool!"

"All right, calm down," Rodney insisted, looking at me worriedly.

And that's when it hit me ... the entirety of what being so far into the future meant. Focussing all of that on him I began. "If I'm in the future, that means you're, uh ...," I trailed off, unwilling to put it into words.

"Dead," Rodney completed, not having any trouble with the concept. "Dead and buried and turned to dust a long, long time ago, along with everyone you ever knew."

"_Don't give it to me gently Rodney_," I thought sickly. "_Just hit me right between the eyes_."

"There's no way of knowing what the state of human civilisation is; whether it even still exists," Rodney continued to lay down the entire horrible truth. "I mean, we've obviously abandoned the city."

"Obviously!" I looked at him incredulously.

"There's not enough power for you to gate back to Earth, and without a MALP, going anywhere else would be far too risky," Rodney didn't react to my mood. "It is entirely possible that you are the last human being alive."

The last human alive? That was possibly the saddest thing I'd ever heard. My mind was reeling ... that was the only explanation for why it took me so long to realise something important. The holographic Rodney was the creation of _my_ Rodney ... who'd lived a fair portion of his life beyond the right now ... and who'd hopefully transferred some kind of accounting of that life to the version standing before me.

"_Sabina_," I asked urgently. "Did we find Sabina?"

"In a manner of speaking," holographic Rodney replied evasively.

"In _what_ manner of speaking?" I demanded impatiently.

"In a manner you're not going to be happy hearing," old Rodney admitted, everything in his manner sending dread streaming through me. And suddenly I didn't want to know ... I wanted to hold on to my hopes that everything had worked out ... at least for a little while longer.

"You're not doing a very good job of cheering me up here," I pointed out weakly.

"Oh, consider yourself lucky, young man," Rodney said mildly. "While I was figuring out this plan, I had no way of knowing whether the city would even survive this long."

"What – what plan?" Now _that_ sounded more like the Rodney I knew ... and it gave me something to focus on.

"I took advantage of some progress in hologram technology to create this simulation," He chuckled at the idea – obviously that was a story in itself. "I'm able to move anywhere inside the city. I'm fully interactive, and I'm designed to mimic the exact response and appearance of the great Doctor Rodney McKay."

"Couldn't use anyone else, huh?" I quipped – that was so like Rodney, although I had to admit I'd be freaking out by now if it had been a stranger rather than Rodney's familiar form.

"Funny," Rodney chuckled again. "I'm linked to the city's main systems, but I have an independent core drive which is sealed in the foundation of one of the outer buildings – along with a Mark Twelve naqahdah generator and a couple of other key components. It's kind of like a, um, well, what do you say – like a time capsule, so to speak."

"It's really nice to have company," I acknowledged half sincerely, "but if what you're saying is true, what good does it do me?"

"Oh, trust me, I wouldn't go to all this trouble just so we could have a chat," Rodney retorted. "No, no – I'm here to bring you back." He turned and started to leave the room and then noticed I wasn't following. "Come on," he urged.

Bewildered by his strange behaviour I followed none the less. Now that I had a self contained hologram accompanying me the lights came on to light our way, switching off behind us.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously.

"Stasis chamber," he revealed.

"Why?" I demanded ... hoping he was going to say to get someone out of there who could help me but suspecting it wouldn't be that easy.

"To buy some time," Rodney said evasively.

"Well, that really explains everything!" I complained sarcastically, tired of all the mystery.

"Theoretically, we can send you back exactly the way you got here, using the Gate, the right address and a solar flare," Rodney covered the basics of what I recalled from that SG1 file. "The only problem is, we're waiting for something very specific – a prominence with exactly the right shape, size, characteristics and relative position in space so that it will interact with the wormhole in exactly the right manner and send you back exactly the right amount of time."

"And that doesn't happen every day," I concluded.

"Exactly," Rodney confirmed.

"How long are we talking about?" The image of Carson frozen in one of those things was fresh in my mind ... in an unpleasant 'I don't want that to be me' kind of way.

"Oh, seven, eight hundred years," he estimated casually. "A thousand, tops."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," I stopped abruptly and held up a hand in protest. "_That's_ your plan? I'm forty eight thousand years into the future and you wanna put me on ice for another thousand?"

"Tops," Rodney reiterated as if that would reassure me. It didn't and I had nothing to say ... just stood there staring at him in disbelief. "We need to be precise. If I don't get you back within two months of the moment you left, then ... it'll be too late."

"_Too late for what?_" I thought, not sure I wanted to find out if there was something worse than being hurled 48,000 years into the future.

**Authors Note:**

I'm fully aware that this chapter has more than my usual level of dialogue from the show, interspersed with my own lines. No other way to do it since all of that explanation was crucial for the rest of the episode and there was no reason for me to rewrite it. The story will branch out somewhat in the next couple of chapters. And of course there is no Sabina ... this is outside of time as far as Sabina is concerned and rest assured we'll return to her and Teyla once I've played out the Last Man scenario.

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 16_


	73. Interlude 16: Don’t give up John

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 16: Don't give up John**

"Too late?" I looked at him with dawning suspicion, compelled to demand more information. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Rodney sighed, the hint of memories that didn't seem to be a comfort to him floating over his face. "Things didn't exactly go well for us after your disappearance," he admitted. "Once I figured out what happened to you, I realised there was nothing we could do. The Air Force pronounced you K.I.A. – gave you a very nice military funeral back on Earth. Obviously the casket was empty but you know, it's the thought that counts. From there ... well, from there things went from bad to worse."

And then I listened silently as Rodney began to explain what had happened in my absence. We hadn't found Teyla before she's gone into labour ... she had the baby and then Michael killed her, taking her son away and using him for his own sick purposes.

I could see the image all too clearly - Teyla lifeless and alone, stretched out on the floor of one of Michael's hideouts. It wasn't possible for me to comment right then, not with the grief trying to fight its way out of my chest ... Rodney hadn't mentioned Sabina yet and after the news about Teyla I didn't have the guts to ask. In fact I had to do a repeat litany in my head, over and over – "_it's not real, it hasn't happened yet_" just to assure myself there was still something I could do about this because the alterative wasn't something I could even contemplate.

"I'm so sorry Rodney," I said sadly ... he was a hologram but it was easy to forget that, to think of him as the real Rodney McKay, the one who'd lived through it. Better that than having to acknowledge that at this point in time it didn't really matter how any of them had died ... they were all long gone.

"It's not your fault," Rodney responded to my quiet air of guilt as we made our way towards the Stasis pods.

"I should have been there," I stated simply.

"And you will be – and knowing the address where we eventually found Teyla, you will be able to get there much quicker," the extent of Rodney's plan became clear with that one statement. "You'll save Teyla, save the baby, change the fate of the galaxy."

"That's what this is all about?" I asked grimly. "Saving Teyla and the baby?"

"It was the turning point," Rodney explained. "It was the key to everything. Once Michael had that baby, he was able to complete his research and perfect the hybrids. After that, well, he really kicked things into gear."

Turns out Teyla not making it wasn't the worst of the story. Rodney believed that Michael had used what he'd gotten from her son to make his hybrids unbeatable. But Michael didn't just rely on that – the Wraith had vastly superior numbers so he stepped up the distribution of the Hoffan drug first until the point when the Wraith food supply was beyond repair. He waited until they were weakened by in fighting to bring them to their knees – and wipe out every queen in the galaxy. And then he went back amongst the humans who'd survived the Hoffan sickness and picked the strongest to become his hybrid army. The rest he slaughtered like we'd slaughter a herd of contaminated cattle. Because that's all the remaining humans were to him – cattle that no longer had a buyer – useless and unwanted.

Rodney was convinced that if I went back and saved Teyla, then Michael wouldn't be able to perfect his hybrids and the rest of that future wouldn't happen either. Could one baby really be as important at all that? Michael had already created hybrids before Teyla's son even existed which made me sceptical but I kept that opinion to myself.

"You haven't asked me what happened to Sabina yet?" Rodney commented as we continued towards the stasis chambers. "The real Rodney was sure that'd be the first thing you'd want to know."

"Not yet," I tried to go for casual but it came out more as desperate, and had Rodney looking at me in concern. "I just ... it's too much Rodney. Just give me some time okay."

"Got plenty of that," Rodney quipped with a smile, leading me around the next corner. We'd have been at the chambers five, ten minutes later if not for the next act of bad luck that descended on me. A corridor blocked off by sand – the corridor we needed to go down.

"Or maybe not," Rodney commented weakly. "That could be a problem."

"No, no, that's not a problem," I insisted. "We'll just find another way around." Holo-Rodney flickered in and out a few times and he didn't respond. "Rodney?"

"There is no other way around," he'd obviously just gone and checked. "The sand has penetrated the lower levels."

"Forty eight thousand years into the future, you've still got a knack for stating the obvious," I quipped. "All right, what do we do?"

"I don't know," Rodney admitted.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" I demanded. He was a computer program – if he didn't know then who the hell would?

"Well, I wasn't programmed for this variable!" he protested indignantly.

"You said you had twenty five years to work on this plan!" I looked at him pointedly.

"Well, McKay did – and he brilliantly anticipated a lot of potential problems," holo-Rodney clarified, unable to resist an opportunity for self congratulations – all too reminiscent of the real Rodney. "It's just that, well, this wasn't one of them."

"All right," I took over decisively, already heading back up the corridor. "We go up two levels, turn right, there's an outer door. It's only a quarter of a mile across the plaza."

"You can't do that," Rodney denied my idea had merit.

"Why not?" I demanded impatiently.

"Not only is it extremely hot out there, but for the last half an hour the barometric pressure has been dropping and the wind speeds have increased significantly," Rodney gave me the weather report worriedly.

"A storm's coming?" I questioned.

"A sandstorm," Rodney countered. "Ever been in one of those?"

"As a matter of fact, I have," I said a bit smugly but come on – Afghanistan? Surely he'd remember that after M1B-129 and the whole 'I can't believe you shot me' debacle!

"Oh. Oh, then, then you know what that means," Rodney floundered before recovering.

"It's not like we have a lot of options here," I pointed out.

Not waiting for Rodney's agreement I turned and headed back the way we'd come. I was tired and hungry and just plain grumpy by the time we'd made it to the part of the outer corridor I was after. Standing at the door I listened to the wind howling outside.

"Sounds pretty nasty out there," I commented reluctantly.

"The winds are gusting over fifty miles an hour and increasing," Rodney explained. "Look, the visibility's basically zero. You can't go out there! You're just gonna have to wait it out."

"For how long?" I asked impatiently.

"Well I don't know. Maybe a couple of hours," Rodney suggested. Not the answer I needed ... shaking my head wearily I decided the floor looked pretty attractive right then and sat down with my back against the wall.

"Are you hungry?" Rodney asked. "Do you have any food?"

I'd gone on the mission that morning alone which meant I hadn't stuffed my pockets full of power bars like I usually did when Rodney was along – an action I was regretting right then. Still, no point in admitting that, so I just shook my head in response to his questions.

"Oh. Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter anyways," he commented. "We'll just wait for the storm to blow over and have you out of here in no time at all." Thinking some more about that he smiled awkwardly. "Well, you'll actually be here for seven hundred years but you know what I mean."

"What happened next?" I asked abruptly. "After we found Teyla, after Michael had the Wraith in disarray? There's no way we would have rolled over and let Michael take over the whole galaxy."

Of course we hadn't. Rodney told me how Sam had singlehandedly commandeered a new Earth ship, taking it on daring strike and retreat missions to wipe out Michael's fleet. How she'd been making a serious dent in his defences until he'd set a trap with false intel, surrounded her and disabled the Phoenix. She'd used it to ram one of the Hive ships, setting up a chain reaction that took out all three. And become another empty casket at Arlington.

It bothered me, hearing about Sam sacrificing herself like that ... not with that same rush of personal emotion I'd felt over Teyla because she wasn't an integral part of my life like Sabina and my team. Still I liked her, admired her guts and determination, respected her leadership. An empty casket at Arlington was hardly the end she'd earned after all her years of service.

Even though he was just a hologram the recounting of so much tragedy seemed too much for Rodney. Pleading the need to check systems he disappeared, leaving me alone with only the howling wind for company.

oOo

"Where the hell have you been?" I demanded angrily when he returned too many hours later.

"I was inputting our new solar flare requirements into the long-range sensors," Rodney reported with a strange expression. "And I found out what happened to the ocean."

"Well, are you gonna tell me or are you gonna keep it a secret?" I asked when he didn't immediately reveal the details.

"The sun in this system is dying. It's running out of fuel," he waited for me to react ... was there some implication I wasn't getting here?

"Wouldn't that make it colder?" I tried.

"No. As it consumes the heavier elements, it begins to expand. It's basically turning into a red giant."

"OK, so mystery solved," I acknowledged. "Let's move on."

"No, no. You don't get it," he insisted, sounding more like himself – the doom and gloom version anyway. "This isn't some kind of cyclical climate change. This is – this is a one-way ticket. This planet is going to get hotter and hotter. Eventually the atmosphere is gonna burn off."

"All right," I accepted the prognosis. "How long before that happens?"

"It's impossible to say, but my best estimate is under five hundred years," Rodney looked at me as if to say 'now do you get the problem?'

"But you said I'd be in stasis for at least seven hundred," I played along, pointing out the obvious inconsistency with his estimate.

"Right. So the moment you step out of the stasis chamber, you'll be killed."

"Rodney, you've gotta think of something!" I insisted, looking at him expectantly.

"I am trying. It's like I said ..." he trailed off miserably.

"You didn't anticipate the variable," I finished. "I get it." Thinking quickly gave me a number of questions related to the first idea that came to me. "All right: can the Mark Twelve power the shields?"

"Theoretically, but there'd never be enough power left over to maintain my systems, the long-range sensors, the stasis chamber," Rodney said in dismay.

"The city has solar-powered generators, right?" I looked hopeful, the idea taking full shape in my head.

"Yes, which would come in very handy if we were trying to power a couple of electric golf carts," he retorted sarcastically.

"See, you're still thinking like the old McKay," I pointed out smugly. "_Still sound like him too_," I added internally.

"I can't really help that!" Rodney protested. "Look, what are you saying?"

"The sun's going red giant, right?" I confirmed. "Increased solar energy. The worse it gets, the more power we'll have."

"Oh my God. That could work!" holo-Rodney said in amazement. "We use the shields to protect the atmosphere."

"Exactly," I smiled as he looked at me with new eyes.

"You're a lot smarter than I ever appreciated aren't you?" Rodney commented almost sadly.

"It's all relative," I countered with a fond grin. "In the shadow of the great Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay I was average."

"Mensa," Rodney muttered after a moment's pause, accessing the files my Rodney had made available to help him.

"Even as a hologram forty eight thousand years in the future he didn't forget that?" I shook my head in amazement. Diversion aside I knew the time to act had come ... pulling out my scarf I prepared to head out into the sandstorm.

"Listen, we wouldn't be able to power the shield indefinitely, but it would buy us a hundred years or so," Rodney was still stuck on assessing the plan.

"That's gonna have to do for now," I looked at him purposefully as I prepared to use the scarf as a mask. "Open up the door."

"What about the storm?" Rodney reminded me.

"It's been going on for seven hours," I pointed out. "For all we know, it could go on for days."

"It'll be dark soon," Rodney tried again to dissuade me.

"All the more reason to get going," I said simply. "All I've gotta do is walk in a straight line."

"You won't be able to see two steps in front of you!" holo-Rodney pointed out the problem with my strategy, his tone incredulous.

"I never said I thought it would be easy," I acknowledged, rolling my sleeves down to cover as much of my arms and hands as possible. "Look, I haven't eaten. I was hungry on my way back to Atlantis. The longer we wait, the weaker I get." Pulling the scarf I'd tied around my neck up to cover my nose and mouth put an end to the conversation more effectively than anything else I could have said.

"All right," Rodney gave up abruptly. "Look, I can't go outside, but I can stay in contact with you over the radio."

Sunglasses on I walked to the door ... Rodney opened it and I almost had to step back, the wind howled billowing sand into the city. Holding my hands up to protect my face I steeled myself and then resolutely headed out into the storm, just making out the words Rodney called out behind me.

"It's like you said: keep walking in a straight line," he urged. "When you hit the building on the other side, feel your way to the door. I'll be waiting for you there!"

Only a few steps away from the door and I was totally blind in a swirling mess of abrasive red sand, wind trying to push me back. Inside Atlantis it had been hot but outside the heat was staggering ... I could feel the sweat gathering and the strength draining out of me. If this took too long I was in serious trouble.

"Sheppard. Sheppard, can you hear me?" Rodney's voice echoed strongly in my ear.

"Yeah, I hear you," I ground out.

"How're you doing?" Rodney asked nervously.

"_How'm I doing?_" I thought incredulously. "_How the hell did he think I was doing, out here in a sandstorm in the scorching heat?_" "Never better!" I retorted aloud.

I'm sure I made an almost comic picture, the way I was bent horizontal against the invisible force of the wind, stumbling and having to push for every step. The first time I fell to my knees it was a struggle to drag myself back up again ... and I knew there'd be more, that each time I went down it'd be harder to get up.

I needed something, a distraction. "Rodney!"

"Yeah, I'm still here," Rodney answered immediately.

"Tell me about Ronon." I still wasn't ready to hear about Sabina – wasn't sure I could handle whatever had happened to Ronon either, but I had to start somewhere.

"What, now?!" Rodney reacted in surprise.

"Yes, now," I said firmly. "Talk to me, Rodney."

"Right. Uh, well, after what happened to you and then Teyla, I guess he didn't feel comfortable on the base anymore," Rodney began. "He left, went out to fight in his own way."

That sounded like Ronon, as did the rest of it. Recruiting his own strike force, training them, convincing Sam to give him weapons and supplies. I wasn't surprised by the conclusion either – sending his men back to the Gate and then staying behind to take out one of Michael's hybrid making labs was completely in character. Ronon would have pushed and pushed at Michael until he'd have no choice but to take him down – at least Ronon had been able to choose his own ending.

It saddened me that he hadn't gone on to old age but he was a warrior – he would have wanted to go out fighting. Sharing that end with Todd the Wraith probably wouldn't have been his first choice but I could see how human and Wraith would have had to unite against a common foe. After all, that was how we'd become allies with Todd in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Rodney said sadly. "I wish some of these stories had happier endings."

So did I. Didn't give me much hope that Sabina had made something of her life after I'd disappeared. My mind wanted to spiral into speculation on how Sabina would have reacted - what she would have been compelled to do ... assuming she'd been in any condition _to_ do something ... "_Don't go there John!_" I ordered myself.

I'd continued my stumbling progress during his recitation even though I wasn't sure anymore if I was even heading in the right direction. And I admit it, I was pretty close to just falling down and giving it up as a lost cause. And then I saw her ... standing there a few steps in front of me.

"Sabina?" I croaked out, stumbling towards her.

"Don't give up John," I heard her easily even though the wind should have carried her words away from me. And then she turned and walked away.

"Sabina!" I yelled it this time, quickening my pace to catch up to her. "Wait!"

Rodney's words in my ear were a distance annoyance I could ignore. "Sheppard? Sheppard? Are you still with me?"

Sabina was getting away from me ... I had to hurry or see her disappear into the storm.

"Sheppard?" Rodney called to me again.

"You're almost there," Sabina was in front of me suddenly. "Just another step." She held out her hand to me and waited.

Reaching out for her my hand hit something solid instead. The door I'd been heading for! It slid open and I staggered inside, crashing to the floor face first. I registered the door closing and Rodney's panicked demands for a response.

"Your biosignature's barely registering! Sheppard!"

I don't know if that vision of Sabina had been real or not ... what I did know in the moments before I let exhaustion take me away was that I wouldn't have made it without her.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 17_


	74. Interlude 17: You're the hologram system

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 17: You **_**are**_** the hologram system right?**

Waking up was painful ... my skull hammered out an ache caused by too many hours without food and water, compounded by having the energy sapped out of me by the storm.

Groaning, I lifted my head carefully and looked up. There was Rodney, squatting beside me with a worried expression that immediately cleared to relief when he saw I was awake.

"There you go," he urged gently. "You can do it."

I realised how weak I'd gotten when it was an effort to roll over ... lying on my back I pulled down the scarf that was still on my face. "Hullo, Rodney," I greeted him simply.

"Yeah, I'm still here," Rodney quipped. "Look, I'd help you up but I'm – I'm, um ...." he gestured vaguely to his holographic body.

The help would have been welcomed but like he said, he wasn't exactly solid enough to provide that service. My head didn't like the change to sitting position any more than the rest of me but I got there, leaning dizzily against the wall, waiting for things to shift back into focus

"How long was I out?" I asked curiously.

"All night!" Rodney exclaimed. "You don't look so good. Maybe we should get you to the stasis chamber as soon as possible."

"Agreed," I said wearily, sighing before slowing pulling myself to my feet. I began to feel a little better as we made our way the short distance down the corridor to the Stasis Room.

"I've already prepped the solar panels," Rodney announced as we walked in. "You're good to go."

"Wait," I stood before the pod, not ready to become a John Sheppard Popsicle just yet. There were still things I needed to know. "You know, you never told me what happened to you – I mean, in the past," I started with the easy one first.

"Oh, you don't wanna hear about that," Rodney protested.

"Well, why not? Obviously you survived," I pointed out. Surely that meant his story at least would have some happiness in it.

"Only 'cause I quit," he admitted.

"Quit what?" I asked in surprise.

"Atlantis, Stargate Command – the whole thing," he said expansively.

"That doesn't sound like you," I frowned at the incongruity with what I'd known of my friend. From what I'd heard already the others had met their fates much as I would have predicted ... but not Rodney?

"Yeah, well, we were under new management," he excused lightly.

"_Of course they were_," I thought bitterly, listening incredulously as Rodney began to tell his own tale. The IOA had replaced Samantha Carter with Richard Woolsey? During the height of a major military situation? I could already see which way this was going ... of course they pulled back on helping the natives, contracted everything back to Atlantis and protection of the only gateway back to Earth.

Bastards.

Keller couldn't take it, couldn't sit by and watch people suffer and die when she could have helped, or at least eased their suffering a little. She'd had to resign – that wasn't the surprising thing. No, what _was_ surprising was that Rodney McKay had already fallen for her and followed her back to Earth, quitting his job along with anything that had ever driven him in the process.

They should have had that happy ending back home but it wasn't to be. Jennifer had been exposed to the Hoffan drug too many times ... only a year back on Earth she developed complications and they found themselves back at the SGC.

There wasn't a cure. I could imagine how that tormented Rodney, how desperate he would have been to come up with a way to save her. That's when he came up with the idea to change the timeline – starting with getting me back to Atlantis soon enough to save Teyla. He devoted twenty five years to the task before he finally worked out how to make it happen.

Luckily for all of us Major Lorne had stuck with the Stargate program and was by then a General in charge of the whole place.

"I don't think he ever forgave himself for what happened," Rodney said. "Not the whole time he fought Michael's forces while everything here was turning to crap ... not when they recalled everyone back to Earth and locked out the Atlantis gate address. When I showed up at the SGC with my plan Evan didn't even question me ... just told me to bring you back so we could fix it. The rest you know."

"Yeah. I guess I've had a tough day, but you've had a tough twenty five years," I tried to lighten the mood, earning a brief smile from Rodney in return.

"Twenty six actually," he countered. "It took me another year here on the base to set everything up, get this program working so I'd be ready when you turned up.

"Thank you Rodney," I said it feelingly, wanting at least some version of him to realise how much his sacrifice had been appreciated. "This, everything you've done ... you've taken genius to a whole new level."

"He would have liked that," holo-Rodney commented fondly.

Story concluded Rodney moved over to the controls and waved a hand over one, releasing a draw full of crystal controls.

"Here," he instructed. "Take the first crystal. I've loaded all the intel we got on Michael after your disappearance, including the address where we found Teyla."

I took the crystal, clutching it in my hand for a moment before carefully putting it in my top pocket.

"The place where we found her – it was a warehouse beside two tall towers," Rodney offered. "Surrounded by three large circular buildings. The room where Teyla was held was near the middle of the warehouse, ground floor three corners in. Should help you recognise it when you get there."

"Okay," I said grimly. I hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Tell me."

"You mean about Sabina?" He looked at me with questioning, waiting until I'd nodded before continuing. "She escaped," he began with something I hadn't been expecting. "Hours before Teyla had the baby she convinced Sabina the only way was for her to make it back to Atlantis and bring help. That way they could give us everything they'd learnt about Michael too."

"But it didn't help," I commented with a frown.

"We were too late," Rodney confirmed. "She was devastated John ... broken inside because she believed Teyla's death was directly on her. She'd been holding it together the first few days after we found Teyla – when we still didn't know what had happened to you. When I worked it out, told her just how far away from us you were, that there was no way we could get you back she went all quiet, shut everything down deep inside. She wasn't the same after that." Rodney sighed sadly, glancing at me reluctantly before he went on with the story.

"The funeral back on Earth ... we buried your empty casket at Arlington. God, the expression on her face when they handed her that folded flag! She walked away John ... after the funeral, she just turned around and walked away and she didn't come back."

"You let her go it alone?" I asked, angry at the thought that somehow Sabina has been abandoned when she'd needed her friends the most.

"Of course not!" holo-Rodney returned. "She and Lorne practically came to blows at your service because he _wouldn't_ let her shut everyone out. But you know Sabina ... she was so determined ... and she took us all by surprise, leaving so suddenly. Evan searched for her ... God knows for how long, but she did too good a job of staying hidden ... at the time Jennifer and I cut ties with the SGC Lorne still hadn't found her."

"So you don't know what happened to her after that?" I asked in a low tone.

"Ah," Rodney hesitated, clearly thinking about whether he should respond. "Okay, I did hear one thing ... about seven and a half months later." I raised an eyebrow at the specific way he'd described the timing. "She was pregnant John ... must have happened just before Michael took them. She didn't know ... I'm pretty sure she walked away from Arlington not knowing."

"She had a baby?" my voice shook ... I felt frozen inside.

"_Your_ baby," Rodney said insistently. "Your son ... she called him John, came back to the SGC for the birth because of the whole Wraith and Lantean gene thing. Jennifer and I were still off trying to live normal lives – by the time I heard and tried to get in touch she was gone again. I don't know where anyone else from Atlantis was at the time ... just that Sabina and the baby stayed at the SGC only briefly and then she disappeared again."

"He was okay? They were both okay?" I asked worriedly.

"From what Doctor Lam said, yeah they were – whatever Michael did to her while she was his captive had no effect on your son," Rodney reassured me. "I didn't hear anything about her for years ... when I ran into the first major snag trying to work out how to get you back I searched for her myself because I thought she'd be able to help."

"Did you find her?" I suspected the answer but had to ask the question anyway.

"Not exactly," Rodney admitted. "She left Earth John ... picked a random gate address when John junior was about five. From what I could work out Sabina picked her time carefully - Lorne and the rest of her team were off world and I guess there wasn't anyone else there at the time to argue with her. The SGC checked for me but so many years later there was no trace of her on that planet ... they didn't know where she'd gone – no one did."

"That's it?" I felt blank inside, devastated that my disappearance had led to so much suffering. The story hadn't been anything like I'd expected because Sabina being pregnant wasn't something I could have anticipated.

And then the full meaning hit me in a burst.

_Sabina was pregnant_ ... right now in my time, the time I was hopefully heading back to. She was pregnant and completely unaware of it. I didn't know what to think, what to feel ... it was too much and all I wanted was to see her because I knew she'd rip away the static in my head and make everything clear again.

"Are you ready to do this?" Rodney let me be for a few moments before speaking gently ... like he thought I might crack if he was too loud.

"You _are_ the hologram system right?" I asked weakly as an idea occurred to me. Perhaps Diamantia could help ... tell me what happened to Sabina after she'd disappeared from Earth.

"I suppose," Rodney agreed with a puzzled frown at the abrupt change in topic.

"Then ... ah ... Ego quaeso ... um ... regimen ex ... ah ex preteritus!" I bent my head low and drew the words from my memory, hoping they'd work for me like they had for Sabina even though I wasn't actually standing in the Hologram Room.

"Hello John," I looked up in startled confusion. Rodney was gone and in his place was someone I wasn't expecting to see.

"_Sabina?_"

She smiled sadly, taking a few steps closer until she could have reached out and touched me.

"That was you, out there in the storm?" I knew it had to be, whether she'd own up to it or not. "You're really here?"

"It's me," she confirmed, "although not quite the way you left me."

"Ah ... no," I surged forward unsteadily, the weeks of separation making the sight of her enough to have me almost mute with emotion. Holding out a shaking hand I looked at her pleadingly, desperate for something ... anything to make her real.

"Oh John," Sabina stepped forward and enfolded me in her embrace ... she was _there_, physically and in every other way that counted.

"God I missed you," I muttered into her hair as I clutched her tightly, revelling in how she clung to me in return.

"_You_ missed me?" she pulled away and looked at me incredulously. "Try waiting forty eight thousand years for someone to turn up and then tell me about missing them!"

"I'm sorry," I apologised even though it was hardly my fault this had happened.

"You have no idea what I had to go through to get here," Sabina looked sad for a moment, before her expression smoothed and she smiled teasingly. "I said more than once that I'd never give up on you, no matter the circumstances. You just had to find a way to push that to the limit, didn't you?"

"You ah ... how?" I asked, unable to conceive of the level of patience and commitment that had taken for her to be standing there before me. I felt ... humbled ... and so much in love with her right then that I struggled to contain everything I was feeling.

"It wasn't easy," Sabina admitted. "Rodney told you what happened as far as he knew... now I'll tell you the rest."

Drawing me over to the wall she urged me to sit down, sitting down herself and crossing her legs underneath her. She was wearing one of those robes like I remembered from the Sanctuary ... and she looked good, really, _really_ good.

"Rodney told you I was pregnant when you disappeared," she began, putting a hand over mine and squeezing firmly. "I didn't know John ... the whole time with Michael and then back on Earth when everything was going so wrong I never suspected. I guess that was my one piece of luck ... that Ryan survived despite the poor treatment I endured during the first three months."

"Ryan?" I asked, confused because Rodney had said she'd named him John.

"Yeah – John Ryan Sheppard," Sabina expanded it out for me. "I was gonna call him John but ... it was really hard without you. The pleasure and the torment of looking at him and seeing you, hearing your name every day. So I used his middle name instead. I tried to make a go of it on Earth but I couldn't get past the fact that you weren't gone, that you'd arrive here and be all alone with no way of finding out what happened. I didn't know about Rodney's plan and I just ... I couldn't let it go. So I went to the SGC, asked General Landry if I could go off world. He took pity on me, said it was the least they could do. As soon as Ryan and I arrived at the planet I chose, I dialled another address, and then another after that until I was sure they wouldn't be able to trace me."

"Why?" I asked in dismay. "Why would you isolate yourself from everything? You had friends there who could have helped you. Rodney said Evan searched for you ... for years! That you deliberately avoided him and everyone else ... why?"

"Because I had a plan of my own," Sabina stated, "and I didn't want to hear any of them telling me it was too far out there, that it wouldn't work. I couldn't allow any hint of doubt to enter my mind or it wouldn't have worked."

"Ascension," in a rush it all made sense to me. "You actively sought out a way to Ascend."

"Made the decision before Ryan was even born," Sabina admitted. "It wasn't the life I would have chosen for him but I couldn't leave him behind on Earth ... he'd inherited pretty much every genetic trait from both of us and I was scared the IOA would find a way to use him. I researched it for months before we left, spoke to Daniel and got every reference to every planet he'd ever seen linked to Ascension. We moved from planet to planet following those leads at first and then others that I came across. Eventually I found a place similar to the Sanctuary but without the time dilation field. Ryan and I settled there and I spent the rest of my life 'letting go of my burdens'. Eventually I did it – I ascended. It wasn't quite what I'd expected but it did give me a way to be with you again. All I had to do was wait another forty seven thousand nine hundred and fifty years, give or take a few years."

"And Ryan?" I asked curiously.

"He missed having a father, having you in his life and the first few years were tough for him," she admitted. "Over time the atmosphere of the place calmed him and he came to love the sanctuary," she reassured me. "Settled with a lovely girl there ... and eventually they both ascended too."

"There's one thing I don't understand," I admitted. "If you ascended why didn't you just go back to the point before I stepped through that wormhole and tell me not to? We know time travel isn't beyond the capabilities of an Ascended being."

"Because you were lost to everyone," she tried to explain. "That had been my original intention but you were trapped in an instant of time ... even with all my ascended powers I couldn't reach you, no matter how hard I tried. I soon discovered that while Ascension might be a ticket to still being around 48 thousand years later it didn't grant me omnipotence or unlimited powers. There were boundaries I couldn't cross, and not because of the Ascended rules. Diamantia was right in that – my goals were so expansive the others never picked up on them. Me talking to you now isn't of interest to them because I'm not here to change anything ... just to make sure you didn't end up alone. Rodney's the one who'll fix this and they can't – they won't – interfere with that."

"Wow," I looked across at her in amazement. "I can't believe this ... I don't know what to say."

"Rodney devoted just as much of his life to the same thing," she pointed out. "He'll get you back there, back to the me I was then. And none of this will have happened."

"And you're okay with that?" I asked hesitantly.

"More than okay," she assured me with a smile. "I'll give up the past forty eight thousand years if it means I get to have the fifty or so I was hoping for with you."

"All right," I got up and dusted off my pants, holding out my hands to her. "I'm ready to do this."

She let me pull her up and into my arms, holding on to me tightly. I just stood there, breathing her in, letting her presence fill the space that had been empty since Michael had whisked her away. I don't know how she was doing it because she was Ascended but she felt like Sabina to me, exactly the same as before.

"I have to go," she murmured sadly, leaning back to look into my eyes. "You need Rodney to complete this and he can't come back until I exit from the hologram system."

"I'll see you soon," I promised, kissing her with everything I had in me. She was smiling when I pulled back ... running her hands up my chest and into my hair she leaned up to kiss me again and then stepped away.

"Be careful what you share when you get back," she warned seriously. "The strategic stuff, the things we hope to avoid sure. But everything else has to stay here in this future."

"You want me to keep a secret this big from you?" I asked in surprise.

"This really is me John," Sabina said with a smile, "and yes, I'm giving you permission to keep everything you've learned about the me of this future to yourself. Well obviously you can tell me about the pregnancy because that's a given, but the rest is no longer important. God forbid you should influence the new future in a way we can't predict because you shared something you shouldn't have."

"Fair enough, but I'm telling you about that military funeral," I countered decisively. "There is no way I'm letting you live on tender hooks for years waiting for that vision to come true when it already has."

"Now that I _would_ appreciate," Sabina agreed. Reaching up she drew my head down to hers, rested her cheek against mine for a few seconds before sighing and letting me go. "See you later John," she grinned, raised a hand in a careless wave and then was gone. She'd left me with a parting gift though ... my headache and the weariness that had been sitting heavy on me were gone. Her contribution to making sure I had enough left to get back through the gate to Atlantis.

"What was that?" holo-Rodney came back abruptly, frowning in confusion.

"Nothing – just a glitch," I dismissed lightly. "Let's get this done."

Rodney checked the controls, pressed a few buttons and then looked at me. "Okay - we're ready." The stasis pod came to life at Rodney's command ... I didn't hesitate, just stepped inside and turned to face him.

"Now, if this works, I'll be waiting right here when you come out,' Rodney promised. "I may not have much time to get you through the Gate, but I think we can manage it."

"And if it doesn't work?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Well, you won't feel a thing, but basically you just ... won't wake up," Rodney admitted awkwardly.

"Right," I shrugged – it wasn't like I had a choice after all. Thinking quickly I came up with one final question. "Anything else you want to tell me about the future? Sports results, stuff like that?"

"I was never really much of a sports fan," Rodney reminded me.

"Had to ask," I looked at him closely, saw the hint of amusement in his expression, and felt marginally better.

"Good luck, John," he said earnestly.

I nodded, waiting silently for what was coming next. I felt the chill creeping up over me from back to front. And some time in the middle I went to sleep.

oOo

Rodney was standing in front of the stasis pod when I awoke.

"Quickly," he urged. "Power reserves are dangerously low!"

I didn't have time to think, just react in a sprint from the Stasis Room, up the corridor to the door leading outside. Thankfully with the shield in play there was no sandstorm to grapple with, no oppressive heat to force my way through. Still running hard I made quick time across what used to be the plaza and back inside, up steps, down corridors until I burst out into the Gateroom.

The Stargate was already in motion, lights flashing around the outside as the chevrons locked in the address for Atlantis ... I wasn't sure how it was possible to make a call to yourself but Rodney assured me it would work.

"Shield collapse is imminent," Rodney yelled just as the wormhole kawhooshed. I hit the event horizon at a run ...

**Authors Note:**

Look at that! A new chapter two days in a row! Apologies for not getting to review replies ... will do that before the next chapter. And I know what you're all thinking ... FINALLY!

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 18_


	75. Interlude 18: Can we go now?

**The Other Side of the Story: John's POV**

**Interlude 18: Can we go now?**

_"Shield collapse is imminent," Rodney yelled just as the wormhole kawhooshed. I hit the event horizon at a run ..._

... that continued three seconds later on my exit back into the Gateroom of Atlantis.

Skidding to a halt I noticed the Marines immediately, rifles all trained on me and held my hands out appropriately. "Whoa!"

"John!" Sam exclaimed as she and Rodney made their way down from the Control Room, obviously surprised to see me.

"Colonel!" I grinned, looking around the Gateroom at everyone and everything just as it should be. "It worked! It worked. Rodney, you're a genius."

"Okay," Rodney agreed uncertainly, not above accepting the compliment even though he had no idea what I was talking about.

"John, what happened?" Sam asked.

"How much time has gone by?" I demanded.

"You've been missing for twelve days," Sam revealed.

"And Sabina – is she here?" I could see them all thinking 'he'd lost it now if he doesn't remember his wife is missing.'

"No John," Sam replied gently. "We still haven't found her or Teyla."

"Okay," I looked away, thinking aloud. "Twelve days, twelve days. She's not here yet so Teyla won't have had her baby either." Looking back at Sam I acknowledged they all thought I was a little crazy. "Look, I know this sounds kinda weird, but we're on the clock."

"John, what are you talking about?" Sam asked, confused.

"I know where Sabina is," I announced boldly ... not strictly true but I was counting on Sabina being with Teyla. There was no way I was allowing any doubt to creep in that the data crystal holo-Rodney had given me would lead to Teyla without Sabina being there too.

Of course that's when they started treating me like I wasn't John Sheppard at all.

"Let's get you to Doctor Keller, have her check you out," Sam suggested in a carefully reasonable tone.

"Oh, don't do this," I protested. "I'm not a Replicator or a clone."

"Then where have you been for the past twelve days?" Rodney demanded impatiently.

"Okay, this isn't gonna help convince you I'm not crazy, but here goes," I launched into an explanation without pause. "I dialled Atlantis from M4S-587, stepped through as usual only I ended up in the future ... forty eight thousand years into the future. Rodney, you created a hologram program to be there when I arrived and to look for a specific kind of solar flare that could send me back here. I was in stasis for seven hundred years before one occurred, enough time that the shields were failing because the sun had gone red giant. But I made it through ... with this," I held up the data crystal. "Your hologram said it contains details of the location of the planet where they found Teyla in that future plus everything else we need to know to help defeat Michael. We find Teyla, we find Sabina. But we have to hurry because if Teyla has that baby before we get there then she's dead, and pretty much the rest of us along with her."

I was almost panting at the end of what was probably the longest spiel I'd ever delivered.

"The Stargate sent you forty eight thousand years into the future?" Rodney zeroed in on that being the most unbelievable part of my story.

"_Yes!_" I thrust hands through my hair in frustration, raining sand down on the floor around me. "Go and see for yourself – you can do that right?"

"Rodney, go check the Gate logs," Sam asked thoughtfully. "John, infirmary first and then Isolation Room One ... we'll talk again there."

Almost growling in frustration, I manfully tried to reign in my impatience. It was obvious nothing I was gonna say would convince Sam to just believe me ... I would have to work through the entire procedure before I'd have any chance to get out and find Teyla ... and hopefully Sabina too.

"Fine - but let's make this quick," I turned and strode rapidly from the room, leaving them staring after me.

oOo

Jennifer gave me the full works on medical tests and then released me to the Isolation Room. She was gracious about it, even commented on how glad she was to see me, but I was still consumed with that same frustration and impatience. For the whole two weeks prior to that wormhole going off course I'd had nothing concrete to follow up. Now I did and protocol was getting in the way of me acting on it and all I could do was pace around angrily, knowing they were watching me from up in the observation room.

When Sam came into the room I jumped right in before she had a chance to say anything.

"We don't have time for this."

"John, there are procedures we have to follow," Sam said reasonably. "You know that."

"I am not a clone," I bit back insistently. "Is that what you're worried about?"

"No, your medical came back clean, telomeres and all, but there are other things we need to discuss," Sam explained. "I mean, you have to admit: this is a pretty wild story, even for this place."

"But that's my whole point!" I said, throwing my hands up irritably. "How could I make this up?"

"Sam," Rodney's voice came through over the tannoy loud and clear. "Believe it or not, I found it. It was in the sensor log. It's a solar flare capable of interfering with the wormhole from M4S-587 at exactly the moment that Lorne says he dialled."

"Well, why didn't the Gate's failsafe prevent the wormhole from locking?" Sam asked.

"Umm, well, we've had a number of glitches since we, uh, last updated the operating system," Rodney admitted with an awkward uncomfortable edge to his voice.

"Oh, that's what you call a "glitch," huh?!" I retorted incredulously.

"Yes, well, you should know that, uh, I'll be giving Zelenka a stern talking to," Rodney replied.

"Can we go now?" I looked at Sam hopefully.

"First you'll need to give me the highlights on what you found out from the future," Sam replied. "Just anything of strategic or tactical importance so we can hopefully avoid anything unpleasant this time around."

"Sure," I agreed, spending as little time as possible filling her in on Michael's plans and how he managed to achieve them in the future – making it pretty clear heading out to save Teyla and Sabina was of urgent importance.

"Okay John – I'll fill the others in. Go get cleaned up, then grab your gear," Sam finally ordered. "I'll have Lorne and two teams of Marines ready in the Gateroom when you get there."

"Thanks Colonel," I jumped up and almost ran from the room.

Back in the quarters I shared with Sabina I hardly took a moment to look around and be glad I was home ... rushing through the first shower I'd had in seven hundred years (yeah, poor joke but sometimes you just have to go there) I ran back into the Gateroom less than ten minutes later.

"Colonel, good to have you back," Lorne greeted me with a relieved smile.

"Good to be back Major," I replied, looking over the group of Marines going with us. "Where's the rest of your team?"

"We were following up a lead off world," Lorne explained. "Colonel Carter radioed in that you'd returned and ordered me back here. I left the others behind to continue with the mission ... you know, just in case ...," he trailed off awkwardly.

"In case it turns out I really have lost it this time?" I smiled to let him know I wasn't offended. "Don't worry about it Evan ... if I was in your place and got handed such an absurd story I'd have my doubts too."

"So you were really in the future?" Lorne commented curiously. "How was it?"

"Very, very grim," I shared that news with a hard look. "Believe me when I say it's not a place any of us want to end up ... those that survive."

"Oh," Lorne looked away, uncomfortable with my intensity, probably wishing he hadn't asked that question.

The Stargate was already being dialled by the time Ronon and Rodney appeared.

"Sheppard," Ronon greeted me casually, like it hadn't been almost two weeks since he'd seen me, but I could tell he was happy I was back.

"Hey buddy," I replied. "Ready to go get Teyla and Sabina back?"

"Past ready," Ronon grinned evilly and I suddenly wondered about the last two weeks from his perspective. Should make a note to myself to ask him about it once this was all over.

"Look, um, I know you've already been debriefed about future events – all the things we were hoping to avoid – but there's just one more thing I need to know," Rodney rushed out the question in a low voice.

"What?" I asked, hoping to put him off.

"Did I still have hair?" Rodney asked with a hopeful look.

"No," I looked away as I answered. I know it was mean but come on – seven hundred years in stasis – he so deserved that little dig and I'd come clean ... after he'd had time to stew over it. Teasing Rodney made everything feel just that little bit normal ... and I _needed_ that feeling ... needed to take the edge of the anticipatory nerves jangling around inside of me. It was time to focus on what had to be done ... time to go get Sabina and Teyla. And this time _nothing_ was going to stand in my way.

Running a glance over everyone and seeing they were ready to head out I gave the order. "Let's go!"

oOo

The gate address holo-Rodney had given me led to a planet with buildings and towers to match his description. The place was huge ... we'd have to split up to cover the ground quickly.

"Lorne, take McKay, search that way," I ordered, motioning for one of the teams of Marines to go with them. "Ronon, you and the others will be with me. Search every room – let me know if you find anything. Move out."

We headed into a warehouse beside the two tallest towers in search of the room where Teyla would be found. There were no signs of current occupation, although clearly someone had been living there since the place had been abandoned. When we came to the first junction I motioned for the Marines to go one way while Ronon and I continued alone. It was slow going, searching every corridor and corner for something familiar before moving on. After we'd been going for a few minutes I contacted Rodney to see how they were doing.

"Rodney, you got anything?"

"Hold on," Rodney replied. A few moments passed and then he was back. "Yeah. Yeah, I've got some kind of a data terminal. Let me see if I can power it up and hack in."

Ronon and I opened the next door and walked inside ... it looked familiar but not in the way it would if I'd ever been there before. No, I was pretty sure I'd found the right place.

"This is it," I told Ronon confidently. "This is where they found Teyla."

"How do you know?" Ronon looked around, not seeing anything to confirm what I knew to be true.

"'Cause he described it to me," I said simply.

Ronon acted immediately, racing to the next doorway with a growl, blaster aimed and ready. I followed more cautiously, motioning for us to go in together.

There was nothing there, no sign of Teyla ... should I be thankful for that? No sign of Michael either. The room had been set up though, into some kind of Wraith birthing room, complete with a knife presumably for cutting the cord.

"McKay, we've got something," I radioed to report.

"What is it?" Rodney sounded somewhat distracted as he replied.

"Michael's twisted version of a maternity ward," I revealed, looking at what could only be intended as an incubator. "I think we're too early, though, but he's gonna bring her here to have the baby."

"Hold on. I'm in," Rodney announced excitedly. "Woah! Jackpot!"

"What've you got?" I queried hopefully.

"I've got everything!" Rodney's tone made it clear he really couldn't believe his luck. "I've got Gate addresses, I've got sub-space communication codes. I've even got his research into the hybrids! He's history!"

Before I had the chance to get excited about that he was speaking again, only this time it was doom and gloom Rodney. "No-no. No-no-no-no-no. What happened?"

Then next thing we heard was the sound of an explosion in the distance, followed quickly by Lorne yelling into his radio.

"Colonel, it's a booby trap!" The building started to shake as if to add weight to that conclusion. "We've gotta get out of here now!"

A large metal beam fell from the roof in front of us, barely missing us. "So much for future knowledge!" I ground out ... the advantage I'd gained from holo-Rodney gone in the first few minutes by events even he couldn't have predicted.

We ran from the room, ducking quickly as more of the ceiling fell in.

"This way," Ronon yelled, pointing towards the centre of the building.

I followed, keeping track of him through an increasing rain of dust and debris. Everything was groaning and shaking and then the whole building was collapsing. The noise was incredible and there was nowhere to hide ... I could see the walls collapsing in around us, tightening the space with which we had to move. I knew what was coming but there was nothing I could do for myself or for Ronon. When the collapse got to us Ronon and I ducked low and waited to get slammed. I saw the beam heading straight for me but I couldn't avoid it completely. It was gonna hit hard ... I had about three seconds to pray that somehow I'd get out of this - get another chance to save Sabina ... and then it was lights out John.

**Authors Note:**

Yes, I deliberately sent the rest of Lorne's team somewhere else early on because it seemed in the episode that only Lorne, Rodney, John and Ronon survived the bomb and building collapse and I didn't want to kill Parker and Brown off. I don't use them much but I like them! One more John POV chapter before we get back to finding out how Sabina is doing. Oh, and there are only five or six chapters left now ... we're zooming towards the finish line here!

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 19 ... _


	76. Interlude 19: Don’t protest

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 19: Don't protest until you hear me out**

"John?" Sabina's voice drew my attention and I turned to smile across at her. We were sitting on our balcony back on Atlantis, both of us gazing out across the ocean at the end of a long day.

"I'm here," I reached out and drew her hand onto my knee. "This is nice."

"Yes," Sabina agreed with a smile. "We should enjoy the peace and quiet while we can. Evan was telling me his nephews are great boys but noisy like you wouldn't believe."

"We'll handle it," I assured her.

"At least we'll have the chance to do this together," Sabina acknowledged. "When I think about what would have happened if you hadn't been there to rescue us ... I don't think I ever thanked you enough for that."

"When I rescued you?" I asked, suddenly confused.

"From Michael silly," Sabina put her other hand on my chest and pushed lightly. When she took her hand away it was covered in blood. As one we looked down to see a dark red swathe of colour spreading rapidly across my t-shirt.

"John?" Sabina looked at her blood stained hand and then back to me in horror.

"I don't remember," I whispered. "I don't remember rescuing you."

"That's because you didn't," Aiden Ford stepped out of the ocean in front on me, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me pityingly. "Just like you never rescued _me_."

"Or me," Elizabeth Weir stepped up beside Aiden. "In fact you've been making a bit of a habit out of getting your friends captured and then leaving them out there, haven't you John?"

I couldn't speak, doubling up as the pain in my stomach escalated. My vision wavered and shifted back into focus, back into reality.

I was awake, in the collapsed remains of a large building. As I took stock of my situation I registered the heavy metal beam lying at an angle across my chest. The full weight of it wasn't resting on me directly but it might as well have been for the way its position had me effectively pinned to the ground. That wasn't the worst of it – my right arm was trapped under something heavy, there was intense pain in my right side I didn't even _want_ to identify further, and I could almost feel the debris hanging over my head only a few feet above me.

"Sheppard!" Ronon called out. "Hey, buddy."

"Where are we?" I asked, still disoriented.

"Michael's compound," Ronon reminded me. "It collapsed on us."

Everything came back to me in a rush ... Teyla and Sabina! Had we completely ruined our chances of finding them because we'd gotten here too soon? Why hadn't holo-Rodney been able to give me a better estimate on when the hell I should turn up?!

Trying to shift myself even just a little bit just set off a whole host of pain, the most pressing of which was the agony radiating from my side. I suspected if I could actually shift enough to have a look I'd see _something_ embedded there that really didn't belong.

Ronon put a steadying hand on my shoulder. "Hey."

"I think I ...," I trailed off, hoping that Ronon would pick up what I was trying to say, namely 'get whatever that is the hell out of me!'.

"Yeah. Hold on," Ronon urged. "Let me take a look." I could feel him shifting around beside me but I didn't pay any attention until he did something to my side that had me crying out at the agony.

"What the hell was that?!" I demanded weakly when the pain had settled to a more manageable level.

"Just a little scrape - no big deal," Ronon dismissed without giving me the detail ... translated that probably meant something much larger than was healthy. I held in the urge to verbalise the pain again when he started field dressing the wound, focussing instead on what we needed to do to get out of there.

"What about the others?" I asked hopefully.

"I don't know," Ronon replied. "We got separated."

"Try 'em on the radio," I urged, grateful when he finally finished messing around with the bandages.

I heard the static immediately ... and knew we weren't going to get any assistance from the others. I refused to even think that might be because they hadn't survived. Worry over McKay, Lorne ... all the good men I'd led on the mission wouldn't help the situation. Dredging deep I searched for some 'John Sheppard' positivity. "Radios probably got damaged," I said lightly.

"Probably," Ronon agreed.

"Listen, the Daedalus left Atlantis on its way here hours ago," I reminded Ronon. "We just have to hang on until they get here."

"We should try to get closer to the surface," Ronon proposed.

"I'm all for that plan but I don't think I'm going anywhere," I nodded down to the beam still blocking any hope I had of sitting up, let along getting out of there.

"Then we'll just have to move it," Ronon assessed the beam before moving in and wrapping his arms around the middle. "Ready?"

I nodded, watching as he strained with every muscle to shift it ... without success.

"Both of us?" I looked at him for some indicator he thought it worth a try.

"Tell me when," Ronon shifted position slightly, poised and ready.

"Okay, one, two, three," I counted it off. On three we both pushed as hard as we could, with me studiously ignoring the rising pain elsewhere in my body and the fact that I was probably doing further damage with the attempt to get free.

The beam lifted a little but it was just too badly wedged into place and we couldn't move it.

"Oh, this thing ain't moving," I said weakly, giving it up as a lost cause.

It had been a while since I'd woken up ... trying not to worry about our people wasn't getting me anywhere. Kind of like someone telling you not to look down and feeling compelled to do it ... the more I tried not to think about it the more I did. "Wonder what happened to the others," I eventually said.

"I don't know," Ronon shifted to sit beside me. "It happened pretty quick. I don't think many people made it out."

"So stupid! Of course the building was booby-trapped. I should have seen that coming," I was angry at myself for not using what I knew about Michael – not just the Michael we'd confronted but the one who kept multiple compounds operating throughout the galaxy because he was that paranoid about being stopped before his work was finished.

"Yeah, well, none of us did," Ronon pointed out. "Everyone knew what we were getting into. We all knew how dangerous it was, so don't beat yourself up about it."

"You need to start thinking about how to crawl your way out of here," I said in a low, serious tone.

"No way," Ronon dismissed the idea without even thinking about it.

"I'm serious. You just keep moving up, keep moving the debris, work your way to the surface."

"I'm not leaving you behind, Sheppard," Ronon stated firmly.

"Come on. I'm not trying to be a hero here," I tried a different approach. "It's a selfish thing."

Rather than answer verbally Ronon shifted around to my right side and muscled a big metal canister off my arm. I tried not to groan as blood rushed back into my hand, carrying a swarm of angry pins and needles with it. Opening and closing my hand a few times I turned back to Ronon.

"I need you to dig a hole so that the rescuers can come down and get me," I continued with the same 'you'll be helping me more if you leave' argument.

Ronon just ignored me again, turning his attention back to the metal beam. Shifting my head so I could look at it better I realised there was a lot of rubble at the bottom end. The rubble was stopping Ronon from lifting it off me but it was also holding the beam stable enough that I could breathe normally and not get crushed under the weight. Ronon started shifting some of the pieces that seemed most likely to be holding the whole thing down.

"That's the wrong way, chief," I pointed at irritably, finally forcing a response from Ronon.

"If we get this beam off you, we get you free, we dig ourselves out together," Ronon offered. "Deal?"

"You ain't gonna listen to me one way or the other, are you?" it wasn't really a question because we both knew he had no intention of doing what I'd asked.

"Great, deal," Ronon confirmed nonchalantly and went back to shifting rubble.

He spent a long time trying to clear the bottom end of the beam before insisting that we try to lift it again. Despite all Ronon's work though we couldn't lift it enough to get me out, even though we tried more than once.

Ronon was relentless and determined, pushing me on despite my injuries.

After a few attempts I was drifting in a world between fully conscious and about to check out ... probably a combination of the blood I knew I'd been losing steadily since Ronon had messed with the wound in my right side and the fact that I'd used a lot of reserves trying to shift that stupid beam.

"Hey," Ronon's voice brought me back to reality abruptly. "Come on, one more try."

I couldn't help the groan that escaped at that – tempted to tell him to leave just so I'd get a damn break! "Feeling pretty weak, buddy," it galled me to admit that I didn't have another attempt in me.

"You're not quitting on me yet, are you?" Ronon asked lightly.

"No," I denied before honesty forced me to revise my answer. "Uh, well, I was thinking about it ... I could really do with a nap right about now."

"That wasn't part of our deal," Ronon insisted.

Sleeping wasn't part of our deal? Since when? "You keep adding things to this deal of ours," I complained.

"All right," Ronon got back into position for another go at the beam even though he knew I wouldn't be contributing much. "Ready? One, two, three."

As with every other attempt the beam lifted a little but not enough. And it occurred to me that perhaps there was another tact I could take to convince him to leave.

"Ronon," I said intently. "You need to get out of here."

"Would you leave me if I was stuck under there?" Ronon asked.

"Yes," I lied without remorse.

"You would not," Ronon retorted.

"I need you to do something for me buddy," I said, letting some of the desperation I was feeling leak into my voice. "I need you to get out of here. NO! Don't protest until you hear me out," I winced as the shout pulled something painful inside. Ronon looked at me silently, waiting for the rest with arms folded across his chest. "Sabina," I said softly. "I need you to help Sabina ... the Daedalus will arrive and get me out of here eventually but it may not be soon enough for her and Teyla. It's up to you to save them now."

I don't know what Ronon would have said in reply because a noise from above drew our attention away from the conversation.

"You hear that?" he looked at me hopefully. "Sounds like digging."

"Yeah," I listened hard, registering faint sounds of tools moving against rock. "I hear it! I hear it!"

"Hey!" Ronon yelled. "Hey, we're down here!"

"We're coming for you!" an unfamiliar voice called down to us. "Just stay calm!"

"And you were gonna quit!" Ronon looked down at me with a grin.

oOo

Our rescuers had been at it a while before I began to feel suspicion stirring inside. Something wasn't right ... the lack of any familiar voices, conversation just slightly off what it should have been given the situation. I don't know what it was but it had me thinking about confirming their identities without tipping them off.

"Stay calm! We're almost there," the same voice called out.

"I'm gonna stop making fun of combat engineers as of today, I promise," I called up through the ceiling. "Harris up there with you?"

"Yes, he's here," the man replied. "Don't worry, we'll have you out soon."

And there it was ... more fuel for my suspicions ... Harris was a member of Atlantis sure but he shouldn't be up there.

Ronon frowned, knowing something was wrong too. "I thought Harris was on leave until next month," he commented too quietly for our so called rescuers to hear.

I nodded, thinking there was a slight chance they _might_ have recalled Harris ... I needed something to confirm it without doubt.

"If we get out of here, beer's on me, boys," I made it jovial and friendly. "What do you like, uh, Duff Beer or Oprah Ale?"

The main guy hesitated over his choice of nonexistent beers before settling on one. "Duff," came the reply.

"Well, they don't watch The Simpsons or drink beer," I whispered to Ronon grimly.

"Michael's hybrids?" Ronon suggested. "I bet he was tipped off when the building blew." Shifting quietly he positioned himself behind my head and picked up his blaster.

"I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted you to leave so you could save Sabina and Teyla!" I bit out angrily. "You should have gotten out of here when you had the chance!"

"Yeah, whatever," Ronon didn't seem all that intimidated with my bad mood.

The only option was to stand and defend and for that I needed a weapon ... the only one I had was buried in my holster and I couldn't shift enough to get to it.

"I can't reach my gun," I said, still somewhat irritable.

Ronon reached under the beam and pulled the pistol from its holster, cocking it before handing it over. "How do you wanna play this?"

It wasn't really a choice but still I paused for a moment, hoping for something to occur to me. When nothing did I gave the reply Ronon was expecting. "Shoot until we can't shoot anymore."

"All right," Ronon agreed with a smile.

We both looked up at the ceiling, cement dust raining down harder to advertise the fact that Michael's men were close. Glancing across at Ronon I thought for a moment and then spoke.

"You'll find Sabina - make sure she's okay, look after her ... if I don't make it out of this and you do?"

"Sheppard," Ronon protested the turn in the conversation, glancing over at me before looking up again.

"I need to know you'll do this Ronon," I said quietly. "Please."

It wasn't that I was discourteous but being in command, being the man I was meant the word 'please' didn't grace my speech very often. When it did people usually paid attention and Ronon was no different. Spearing me with an intent gaze he nodded wordlessly.

"Thanks," I settled back again, turning my attention back to the battle we were about to face. "Been a pleasure," I couldn't help adding.

"Same," Ronon returned.

We were ready when the ceiling was ripped away revealing two of Michael's hybrids, one of whom was taking aim with a Wraith stunner. They wanted us alive but I didn't feel much like accommodating them. We didn't get to fire a single shot though ... bright white light assailed my eyes and when it cleared Ronon and I were in the infirmary on the Daedalus.

oOo

"It's about time," Ronon growled, grabbing my arm and helping me over to the nearest bed. The ship shook a couple of times in a familiar way – Wraith weapons fire. Colonel Caldwell would have had to lower the shields to beam us up and whoever was out there was taking the opportunity to get in a few shots.

Jennifer pulled Ronon away so she could get her first look at me and I saw her wince in dismay.

"What have you done to yourself this time Colonel?" she muttered, carefully raising my shirt so she could assess the wound in my side. I tried not to flinch but couldn't help a pained grimace as she probed the site for whatever reason it was doctors always did that. "I thought we'd lost you there," Jennifer commented lightly.

"Yeah, well, for a second I thought we'd lost me too," I admitted. "It's gonna be okay though, right?"

"Yeah," Jennifer's words were a welcome relief. "You need some serious work but you should, you know, live to fight another day and all that."

"So, what's going on?" I asked for an update. "We're under attack?"

"Yeah. We had to lower the shields to beam you up here," Jennifer admitted. "It's Michael's ship John ... they disabled the hyperdrive but ..."

"We couldn't properly defend or attack without risking Sabina and Teyla," I concluded.

"Listen, I'm sure McKay and Colonel Carter will be able to work something out," Keller reacted to my grim mood by trying to reassure me.

"McKay's alive?" I felt my spirits lift – Ronon and I had carefully refrained from commenting on his chances the whole time we'd been trapped but deep down I hadn't held out much hope, despite my inner attempts to be positive.

"Yeah," Jennifer smiled briefly before turning serious again. "Yeah, he and Lorne were the only two to make it out of the rubble."

Just the four of us out of two teams? My heart dropped ... had my impatience alone caused the deaths of four good Marines? Would it have mattered when we'd turned up there?

Shaking off those dismal thoughts I actively regrouped. Despite our losses things were looking up ... well, relative to the past couple of weeks anyway. Rodney was okay and I wouldn't have to tell Sabina I'd gotten her team leader and friend killled.

But more than that, Sabina was the closest she'd been for the past four weeks. I had to act ... before it all slipped through my fingers again.

"Patch me up," I ordered. "I need to get back out there."

"What?" Jennifer looked taken aback. "No-no-no. Look, you will be fine but you're far from it now. You've lost a lot of blood. You need surgery and a transfusion. I mean, this can't wait."

"Look, Doc, Michael's here," I started with the obvious. "That means Sabina and Teyla are probably on the ship. I'm too close to sit here and do _nothing_."

"You're not gonna be sitting around doing nothing," Jennifer insisted. "You're gonna be laying here in surgery."

"Look, there's gotta be ...," I tried to sit up to make it more convincing.

Crap! It was harder than I thought. Slumping back to the bed two seconds later didn't exactly lend weight to the argument that I was good to go. Fixing her with an intent look I continued to pursue some kind of solution that would have me up and about. "There's gotta be a quick fix."

"No!" Jennifer protested again.

"I just need a few hours," I went for whatever I could get ... temporary was fine – I'd take it and be grateful.

"I'm sorry," Jennifer said sadly. "I can't."

She turned to walk away and I couldn't let it go. I was reaching out to grab her arm before I realised it, gripping tightly enough to transmit some of the emotional stress I was under.

"Michael is up there with my _wife_," I gritted out in a near whisper. "My wife Jennifer, and my teammate. I can't let that go!" I hesitated for a second, and decided Sabina would forgive me under the circumstances. "You don't know everything ... I didn't mention it when I was telling Colonel Carter what happened in the future." I glanced around, lowering my voice even more before continuing. "She's pregnant Jennifer."

"What?" Jennifer looked surprised. "I mean, I knew you guys were trying but she never said anything."

"That's because she doesn't know herself," I explained in low tones. "_I_ only know because Rodney's hologram told me what happened to her after I disappeared and it included a baby. The only way that's possible is if she'd pregnant right now."

"I understand your concern John," Jennifer looked at me, clearly torn between what she knew was right from an emotional sense and what was right medically. "But Sabina wouldn't want you out there risking further injury. If she were here she'd have you tied down to that bed to stop you and you know it."

"But she's _not_ here!" I said forcefully, clamping a hand over my side at the painful reminder that I really shouldn't be shouting. "She's not here Jennifer and that's the problem. I can't ...," swallowing emotionally I had to stop before continuing. "She can't be this close and have us fail again. And Teyla and her son? I had a taste of the future where Michael takes that baby and it was bad Jennifer ... bad for all of us. Rodney used his image for the hologram because pretty much everyone else was gone."

"John," Jennifer looked tortured and I knew I nearly had her.

"I can save her, save everyone ... but only with your help," I deliberately put the pressure on. "I've had a chance to rescue a team mate before, and it slipped through my hands. I am not letting that happen again."

"Okay," Jennifer gave in suddenly. Grabbing supplies with one hand she turned back to me and cut my shirt away from the wound. She looked angry but she was helping me so I didn't call her up on it. I sat there stoically as she administered pain relief direct to the site before putting in some temporary stitches and then bandaging everything up tightly. "I've stabilised the wound, given you a couple of things to help with the pain and get your body making the most of your decreased blood volume. It should hold you for a couple of hours," she explained grimly. "But I want you back here the minute this is over ... sooner if the bleeding starts up again."

"Thanks Jennifer," I put a hand on her shoulder and waited until she made eye contact.

"As soon as you're done," she said again before turning and walking away.

"Was that really necessary?" I turned to see Ronon sitting on the next bed looking at me reproachfully.

"You know it was," I dismissed lightly, taking the replacement shirt one of the nurses offered me and putting it on very carefully.

"You don't trust the rest of us to do the job so you go out there so weak you can barely stand straight," Ronon countered grimly.

"I trust you," I denied his interpretation of my recent actions. "Listen, if this goes badly and I'm not there I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what if. What if I'd been there, would it have made a difference? I'd rather live with the consequences of doing it this way."

"No matter who you hurt in the process?" Ronon questioned sadly.

"I didn't hurt Jennifer," I denied heatedly. "You and I both know if she hadn't wanted to be convinced she wouldn't have done this – no matter what I said.

"And she'll have to live with it if you don't make it because she sent you out there like that," he gestured to my bowed posture and the hand I was still holding gingerly at my side.

"I'll be fine," I insisted. "Are you going with me to talk with Colonel Carter or not?"

Wordlessly he got up and fell into step beside me. I might have damaged my relationship with Jennifer by pushing so hard but I had what I needed. And I had the beginnings of an idea to float past Colonel Carter and Rodney ... just as soon as I found them.

"What do you think Michael will do if we launch an attack?" I asked Ronon as we walked.

"Standard procedure is to launch their Darts," Ronon replied.

"Which means they have to open their Bay doors," I glanced at Ronon to see him smiling ... he knew what I had planned and if nothing else, he approved of that.

oOo

Stopping a Marine heading down the corridor in the opposite direction I quickly found out that Rodney and Sam were in the Asgard Core Room. Walking with Ronon trailing silently along behind me I got there just in time to hear the tail end of Sam's suggestion.

"We could launch a 302 attack."

"That's what I was thinking," I said as I stopped in the doorway.

"Colonel!" Sam frowned in surprise. "Doctor Keller said you were out of commission."

"She revised her diagnosis," I gave that explanation without a shred of guilt but I couldn't help but put a hand to my side where the mass of pain that was still radiating from inside. I didn't miss Ronon's disapproving look nor the concern on both Sam and Rodney's faces but I chose to ignore it rather than acknowledge it and get into something I couldn't finish.

"Look, we may have an idea," I revealed.

"Maybe a way to get Teyla and Sabina back," Ronon concluded.

We explained the rest and in short order had won Rodney and Sam over, enough that Sam was willing to take the plan to Colonel Caldwell right there and then.

oOo

"We need to take out the Cruiser's main weapons," Sam pointed out. "The easiest way for us to do that right now is launch an attack with 302s."

"I wouldn't exactly call that "easy"," Caldwell replied. "They'll just send out Darts to intercept them."

"That's what we're counting on," Ronon revealed.

"In order to launch the Darts, they'll have to open the Bay doors," Rodney explained. "If we have a cloaked Jumper in place, a small team should be able to sneak onto the Cruiser undetected."

"We find Sabina and Teyla, bust them out and blast our way home," I gave the conclusion confidently.

"As a rule, I like to keep daring rescues down to one a day," Caldwell quipped with a negative shake of the head.

"Look, the shields are already down to twenty percent," Sam persisted. "It's just a matter of time before they fail completely." Caldwell still looked dubious. "They're over there, Steven, counting on us. I won't take "no" for an answer."

"All right," he gave in reluctantly. "Take a cloaked Jumper. Radio us when you're in position."

Ronon and Rodney left as soon as the words were out of Caldwell's mouth. I paused, waiting for Sam to acknowledge the Daedalus commander before falling into step beside her.

Jennifer's medications had kicked in but they couldn't completely mask the discomfort ... it felt easier to walk if I held my hand against my side but of course walking that way raised the suspicions for Sam again.

"John, what really happened in the Infirmary?" she asked.

"Nothing," I insisted.

"You're beyond pale and you're sweating even though its bloody cold in here," Sam pointed out succinctly. "You should sit this one out John."

"I'm fine," I looked her in the eye with every cell of determination I had in me. "I don't need to sit this one out."

Sam seized my arm and pulled me to a stop, scepticism written all over her face. "So you're telling me if I go down there right now and talk to Jennifer, she'll tell me that you're fit for duty?"

"I'm just trying to do a job," I evaded a direct answer.

"So am I, and part of my job is determining whether or not you're gonna be a liability on this mission," Sam didn't pull any punches with that one. A plea to the emotions wouldn't help me win her over ... the only defence I had was to go on the offensive.

"Colonel, I have more respect for you than any commanding officer I've ever had, but I'm getting on that Jumper, end of story. I'll surrender for court martial when I'm done."

I didn't wait for a response, just walked away knowing I was gonna pay for it later but not really caring. Nothing was more important to me right then but getting Sabina and Teyla back.

**Authors Note:**

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 58_


	77. John said over his dead body

**Chapter 58: John said to tell you over his dead body.**

Time crawled on the Hive ship, day after day spent sitting around in my cell with nothing to do. If Michael had deliberately set out to torture me he couldn't have come up with a better way ... under normal circumstances I would have been tearing my hair out but with the added pressure thinking about what was going on back in Atlantis brought it had me feeling close to the edge every second of every day.

My sessions with Michael had gotten a lot more disturbing too – that was the only time everything sped up, in the minutes before the next session was due to begin. I hated the lab with a vengeance – the Wraith decor, the machines surrounding the examination table, and the table itself. I really, really hated that table, being strapped down every time with metal clamps at wrists and ankles. It reminded me too much of Walker's ranch ... and it worried me that as the days went by images from then and now were becoming confused inside my mind.

"How's Teyla?" I began the latest session the way I did all of them.

"Her child is well ... it will not be long before he arrives," Michael's answers were always about the baby despite my poor attempts to remind him that Teyla was important too ... every time I asked her directly how she was doing she would always reassure me that she was fine.

"Have you ever delivered a baby before?" that was a new question that had him glancing directly at me intently. "It's just that there can be complications sometimes ... you need to be prepared."

"I have taken every precaution necessary," Michael assured me smugly ... I'd gotten pretty good at tuning in to the fringes of his thoughts without him noticing and he let something slip then. He had a place set up somewhere ... I saw grey buildings and a room full of equipment before his thoughts turned to focus on me. "Shall we begin?"

He had developed a technique for hooking his test subjects into the neural network both so that he could control them during the transformation process but also so that he could directly test the specific characteristics he was after. I wasn't a test subject ... yet, but using that technique on me seemed to be how he was targeting specific genetic aspects ... the ones he wanted for his hybrids. In essence I think he was trawling through my entire genetic code looking for things he could add ... with the aid of his altered neural network.

Mentally it was beyond uncomfortable ... the flashes of sound and vision he used to confuse while he did his work. I had tried to find a way around all that when he'd first hooked me up but quickly realised I wouldn't be able to, not easily anyway. Given enough time I could probably come up with a way to counteract his neural noise but I hadn't gotten there yet.

The worst thing was that switching the machine off and unhooking me didn't switch it off in my head. Back in my cell sometimes it would be hours before I could calm my thoughts enough to hold a controlled conversation with Teyla. After three or fours days I had a constant headache pounding behind my eyes that also made it difficult to sleep.

The session ended like all the others, Michael switching everything off, glaring at me in frustration like I was deliberately stopping him from finding what he wanted. He'd storm out of the lab and a hybrid would turn up immediately after to take me back to my cell. My cell that was always guarded because Michael knew I could open the door any time I wanted and he didn't trust that his threats to Teyla's health would be enough to keep me from exercising that.

This time I struggled hard to get everything back under control so I could tell Teyla what I found.

"_It was not as bad today?_" she asked hopefully after I'd made the connection. I knew she was worried because every day it took me longer and longer to check in with her.

"_About the same_," I replied dismissively. She didn't need to hear the specifics of what Michael was doing to me. "_I must have found it easier to shut it all off because I found something out today. Michael has what looked like a maternity ward set up on a planet somewhere. I don't know when but eventually that's where we'll be going._"

"_Does that help us?_" Teyla queried.

"_I'm not sure_," I admitted. "_It means maybe we'll have an opportunity to get away ... assuming the planet has a Stargate and it will because Michael's too paranoid for it not to. We haven't been off this ship in nearly two weeks and I was beginning to worry Michael was waiting until you had the baby here before doing anything. So it's something."_

"_It is_," Teyla agreed, trying to be positive.

"_Listen, I need you to agree to something_," I began, letting her feel my concern for her and her son. "_If we get to the stage where you think you're close to going into labour you have to let me know. I want you to agree that if that happens you'll give up on Kanaan and the others ... only for the moment ... and let me get you out of here the way I intended when we first arrived._"

"_What about your guards?_" Teyla knew things would be more difficult now.

"_I'll think of something if I know I have your agreement_," I insisted.

"_I will agree to this but only if you agree to something in return_," Teyla proposed. "_On the planet, if you get a chance to get to the Stargate you'll take it whether I am with you or not. You will go back to Atlantis and bring back help._"

"_Teyla_," I protested emotionally. "_I don't think I can leave you behind like that ... what if I didn't make it back in time?_"

"_It is the only way I will agree to leave Kanaan and the others here on the ship_," Teyla insisted. "_Are we in agreement?_"

Doing the mental equivalent of a frustrated growl I eventually gave in. "_Deal_."

oOo

The next day Michael was even grimmer than usual and I couldn't resist digging at him over it.

"Something not going to plan?" I asked hopefully. When he remained silent I persisted. "Come on, this place is beyond boring – the least you could do is provide a little entertainment."

"Quiet," Michael ordered grimly. I tapped his thoughts quickly, picked up a hint of what had him so steamed up.

Just like the day before, once back in my cell I got on to Teyla as quickly as I could.

"_He's angry_," I told her almost happily. "_Something happened and he had to change course and it's really got him worked up. I think we might be going to that planet I told you about yesterday a little earlier than he intended._"

"_And this is good?_" Teyla asked.

"_This is very good_," I confirmed. "_If means we'll be in the one place for longer because he won't bother moving us again before you deliver. That means more time to get out under our own steam through the Stargate or for John and the others to catch up with us!_"

"_I will try harder with Kanaan_," Teyla promised.

oOo

"_Michael says the baby will arrive soon_," Teyla reported later that day. "_There was an alarm of some kind and he left me with Kanaan. He is scared that if he helps me Michael will kill him and the others but ... I believe if it comes down to a choice between harming our child and risking Michael's wrath he will help us._"

"_That's good enough for me_," I got up decisively. "_I'll be there as soon as I can_."

"_I am not in my cell_," Teyla put a spanner in the works with that one. "_I am in the lab Michael uses to check on the baby's progress._"

"_Any idea where that is?_" I asked hopefully.

"_I am afraid not_," Teyla replied unhappily. "_Only that it is not on the same level and that we passed many doors on our way here._"

"_Okay_," I readjusted my plans and added in a trip to auxiliary controls. "_Just hang in there Teyla._"

Closing the connection I paced back and forth thinking about my options. I had two guards outside to get around before I could get to Teyla. When the idea occurred to me I decided just to go with it.

SCREAM!

I clutched at my head dramatically and screamed like there was no tomorrow, until my throat felt raw. Interspersing that with moans and producing some pretty credible tears I threw myself into the pretence completely, hardly paying attention to see if it was working yet.

When the webbing over the door retracted I didn't react, just kept screaming and clutching at my head like I was in extreme agony. It wasn't that hard to be convincing ... all I had to do was tap into my memory of Walker's serum and I was there.

"Stop!" one of my hybrid guards grabbed at my arm and tried to pull it away from my face.

I let instinct take over ... his weapon was in my hand less than a second later and I used it without hesitation. He went down with a loud groan, drawing the other guard into the room. He got off a shot that grazed my arm but my aim was true. One shot had him stumbling forward and the next stretched out on the floor.

"I can't believe that worked!" I said aloud, surprised that using such a tired cliché to trick the guards had actually been so effective. Clearly the Wraith would have to start watching Earth TV to get a handle on _all_ our defensive techniques!

Running from the room I headed in the same direction I had last time, the closest place to check the systems and see where Teyla was.

I was halfway there when the ship's motion changed ... we were out of hyperspace. Realising that time might be shorter than I'd been counting on I dispensed with the stealthy way I'd been checking corners and just ran. Lucky for me there weren't any guards and I made it to the console a few minutes later.

As before there wasn't a map with a flashing path leading to the lab where Teyla was being held. Michael had four different labs on the ship – I knew where the one he'd used for me was and one was too far from Teyla's cell to be likely so I ruled both of them out. That just left two possibilities, either of which could be the right one. Wishing Rodney and his enhanced laptop were there to narrow that down to one I looked at each, trying to see something that would help me decide.

There wasn't, so choosing one at random I ran out of the room again.

This time I had to take more time than I liked to check the way before me – I was travelling down unfamiliar corridors now and had no sense of whether guards would be posted along the way. The schematics did have that kind of information but memorising all positions for both locations with the massive headache I was still sporting was a bit beyond my current capabilities.

I had to change course twice and hide in an empty room to avoid guards but eventually I made it to the first lab. There were no guards and I knew immediately it wasn't the right one.

"_How're you doing Teyla?_" I stopped for a minute to make contact.

"_I am ...,_" I heard the pain in her voice, waited with her through the contraction.

"_You're in labour,_" I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach ... we'd run out of time. "_Hang on ... just ... hang on. I'm on my way_." Clearly I had no idea how to comfort a pregnant woman in labour on a scary alien ship.

Feeling a huge sense of urgency now I changed direction and headed for the second lab location I'd gotten off the control console. I was thrown against the wall when the first hit shook the ship. We were under attack! "Please let that be one of ours," I prayed in a low tone.

Straightening with a push off the wall I kept running. More shots impacted against the ships shields ... the fact that Michael wasn't sending the ship straight back into hyperspace had me ever hopeful the damage was severe enough to have us disabled. Of course they could fix the ship pretty quickly but with any luck we'd be stuck there just long enough for me to get Teyla and then get away.

I was only halfway there when Teyla made contact with me.

"_Sabina!_" her voice was excited and joyful and for a moment I thought she'd had the baby already, until she spoke again, sending me a mental picture to go along with the words. "_John is here! John, Rodney and Ronon._"

"_John's here?_" I could hardly believe it, that flash of John in Teyla's lab, face pale and worried. "_With you?_"

"_Yes!_" Teyla's happy tone shifted into the painful one as the next contraction hit.

"_Don't wait for me_," I told her firmly. "_Tell them to get you off the ship. I'll head for the Dart Bay ... I can take a Dart and be right behind you._"

"_John said to tell you over his dead body_," Teyla replied after a short pause.

"_You can't have that baby here_," I insisted. "_We need –,_"

"_Rodney says the Wraith hyperdrive is almost repaired,_" Teyla interrupted. "_Stand by._"

I kept moving towards her position, not willing to change course for the Dart Bay until I'd heard back from her. I wished I could speak to John directly but this wasn't an Ancient ship I could tap into and without a radio there was nothing I could do ... despite how badly I wished otherwise. Knowing John was close by was a distraction ... to the hold I had on my emotions, to the resolve I needed to keep going even though I wanted to just sit in a corner somewhere and wait for John to come and get me. Being patient was easier when I'd known he was far away ... now that he was so close it was almost impossible.

God, I couldn't wait to see him!

A few moments later Teyla spoke again.

"_John and Ronon have gone to destroy the drive,"_ she reported_. "Rodney will help me with the baby. John insisted you stay in your current position. He will come to you when they are done_."

"_There's no time for that!" _I shot back, thinking quickly before deciding on my next course of action._ "Wait a few minutes and then get Rodney to radio John that I've gone to the Dart Bay."_

"_Sabina,"_ Teyla put a warning in her tone but I ignored it, convinced that my way was right.

"_Please Teyla, just do it,_" I requested intently. "_Unless you want me there with you instead?_"

"_I would like nothing more_," Teyla got out through another contraction, "_but I do not believe you can get here fast enough. The baby is coming._"

I wanted to stay with her but the focus she needed for childbirth was too great for her to keep up the mental link ... without her willingly sitting there at the other end of the connection the risk of the other Wraith getting wind of our conversation was too great for me to force it by myself.

Making the Dart Bay my next objective I deliberately took a path that would lead me right past the lab where Michael had been investigating my DNA. There was something else I had to do first.

The place was deserted ... Michael would have diverted his forces between the Darts and repairs. Running full speed down the corridor, into the transporter and then down the next corridor I skidded to a halt just inside the doorway.

Raising the weapon I'd appropriated I was all set to destroy his machines, his computers and every scrap of information he'd stolen from me along with it.

If not for the glowing appearance of a familiar face.

Diamantia.

"What?" I frowned in confusion, dropping the arm I had holding the weapon without thinking.

"You cannot destroy Michael's work," Diamantia begged urgently. "Everything I have worked for, thousands of years of struggle and effort will be for nothing if you do."

"He'll use what he got from me to improve his hybrids!" I pointed out grimly, raising my weapon again.

"Yes," Diamantia agreed, "and it doing so will engineer his own demise.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded impatiently.

"You were one of a number of babies the Lanteans engineered to have the Wraith gene," Diamantia explained. "But once I chose you and removed you from the city, brought you here, I altered your DNA again. It was just a subtle adjustment required to create a genetic time bomb ... Michael will not find it. He will incorporate it into the design for his hybrids thinking to strengthen them but it will backfire on him. He will not be able to control them ... genetic transformations will degrade ... links between individual sequences will break. If he lives long enough it will be to watch his own facade dissolve away, reducing him to nothing."

"I'm a time bomb?" I asked in dismay.

"Only to Michael and those he would seek to create in his own image," Diamantia insisted. "In the path of time I originally lived through there was no one to oppose Michael ... he sought to be as God, imprinting his twisted view of life onto everything. By the time he was done there was little of humanity left behind. Our people lived in hiding ... my life's goal beyond Ascension was the study of genetics along with every scrap of history about Michael's work. I knew I had to create a weapon subtle enough to defeat him before he even knew it existed."

"Me," I acknowledged.

"The beauty of it was that you did not need to be anything but yourself," Diamantia said with a smile. "Your compassion for your friends, your strong will, the way you would put their safety first. I counted on them forcing you to reveal yourself to Michael. I knew he would not be able to resist the allure of your genetic uniqueness. And so the information required to bring about his end is now contained in that device." She gestured towards the machines in the lab imperiously. "Be assured Sabina ... he will not be able to use what he learns from you for anything else."

"Okay," I dropped my arm again. "This is the end of it? There isn't some other hidden secret agenda that's gonna come out and bite me in the future?"

"You know the truth of your origins," Diamantia replied compassionately. "I am sorry for the pain I caused your parents and you but believe me when I say there was no other way ... I spent many, many thousands of years developing this plan."

"I guess I can understand," I allowed reluctantly. "Even though I hate the fact you used me against my will."

"But there have been benefits to you being here in this time," Diamantia looked at me with a sly, almost teasing smile.

"Is that the trade off?" I smiled in return. "John and the happily ever after?"

"Perhaps it was meant to be," Diamantia replied. "Perhaps something guided me to choose you."

"That's a nice thought," I agreed, amused by the idea.

Diamantia frowned suddenly, looking at me with concern. "You must hurry now ... the others are already on their way to the Dart Bay."

"Okay," I turned but her final words held me in place for a moment.

"I will not see you again Sabina," she said gently. "Thank you for what you have done ... for what you are. I wish you well."

"You too," I replied in a low tone.

**Author's Note:**

_Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 20_


	78. Interlude 20:And being stubborn as usual

**The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View**

**Interlude 20: And being stubborn as usual**

A short time later I was in the cloaked jumper, sitting in the pilot's seat with Rodney in the co-pilot position beside me and Ronon standing behind him as usual.

"You know, Ronon and I could probably handle this," Rodney said awkwardly. "Maybe you should stay with the Jumper."

I didn't answer, just drilled him with a scowl that had him wilting almost immediately.

"Or not," he concluded.

"Daedalus, we're in position," I reported over the comms.

"Confirmed," Caldwell replied.

"302s are approaching," Rodney had his eyes glued to the sensor screen as moments later the action began. "Cue the Darts."

Michael lived up to what was standard protocol by responding with a wave of eight Darts. The open Bay doors began to close as soon as the last Dart was clear ... I was gonna have to hurry to get there in time.

"It's closing," Rodney said worriedly.

"I see that," I acknowledged, controlling the Jumper on its approach.

"It's closing quickly," Rodney repeated.

"I got it," I insisted irritably, sending the Jumper surging forward towards the closing doors. I got there just in time – with a spot of flying reminiscent of the Millennium Falcon in the Empire Strikes Back I'd turned us sideways and flown us straight into the Dart Bay.

"Daedalus, we're in," I reported as Ronon slapped a congratulatory hand across my shoulder.

Once we'd parked the Jumper Rodney again tried to convince me to sit it out ... let he and Ronon do the hard work. Clearly I was looking a lot less than my best if McKay was willing to take a leading role.

"I'll be fine Rodney," I told him quietly, meeting his eyes and letting him see the determination in mine. This wasn't one I could sit out.

With a nod, Rodney acknowledged my silent command, grabbing his gear and following me from the Jumper.

oOo

"All right," Rodney announced once we'd snuck our way to one of the control units. "This won't take more than a couple of seconds." Laptop patched in moments later and he was looking for information. "That's ... troubling," he commented worriedly.

"What?" Ronon asked.

"Michael's a lot further ahead with his repairs than I would have thought," Rodney revealed. "Hyperdrive's almost back online. We've gotta make this quick."

"What do you mean, "quick"?" I demanded.

"Well, like, fifteen minutes," Rodney retorted nervously. "It's not a lot of time."

"No, that's not a lot of time," I agreed sarcastically. "_Look for Sabina and Teyla!_"

"Right," Rodney replied quickly. "Right-right-right." Turning back to his screen he worked for a few moments. "They're not together," he looked at me worriedly. "Teyla's close by – just down that corridor a ways. Sabina's further away – different level and a lot closer to the Bridge."

Crap! For a moment I was frozen, knowing what I should do but unable to make myself get us underway.

"Sheppard," Ronon called to me insistently.

"I'm here," I told them irritably. "I'm thinking!"

"Well hurry up!" Rodney replied impatiently.

"Okay," I said, frustrated and just a little bitter. "Teyla's closer so we get to her first. Once we're there Ronon and I will head further in and pick up Sabina."

"All right," Rodney led the way out, thought better of taking point and motioned for me to take point.

The lack of resistance had me wondering just how many hybrids Michael had at his disposal ... we'd gotten almost to Teyla's position before we ran into trouble.

A single hybrid approaching us with stunner drawn - I didn't hesitate in dispatching him quickly, even though at the back of my mind I knew he was a victim probably not in control of his actions - just like Carson had been. I couldn't save everyone, no matter how much that gauled to admit ... my first priority had to be saving Sabina and Teyla. I'd worry about the rest later.

"John?" the welcome sound of Teyla's voice calling to me from inside the room spurred us to action.

"Gonna get you out of here!" I called back, waiting for Rodney to bust open the door.

"Not a moment too soon!" Teyla called out.

Door open, we all rushed into the room and quickly to Teyla's side.

"You OK?" I knelt beside her ... she was pale and shaky and there was only one explanation I could think of for that, given she didn't seem wounded in any way.

"It's my baby," Teyla's announcement confirmed my suspicions. "I have been having contractions for over an hour now. They are very close. My baby is coming."

Ronon reached out and helped Teyla sit down, gasping for breath.

"We need to get you back to the Daedalus," I decided. "Ronon and Rodney will help you. I'll go get Sabina and we'll meet you at the Jumper."

"John, wait," Teyla groaned at the end of her contraction, holding out a hand to stop me from leaving.

"What is it?" My heart dropped for a moment ... was she about to give me bad news?

"I can talk to Sabina," Teyla surprised us all with that one. "We have been using our Wraith abilities to communicate since we were captured."

I pushed up from the floor painfully, putting a hand to my injured side. Glancing discretely at said hand a moment later I wasn't surprised to find it covered in blood. Technically I should have reported that to Keller ... since I couldn't I decided not to mention it to anyone. "Okay, tell her we're here," I ordered, waiting impatiently for the reply. I was so close now ... _so_ close, and nothing was going to get in my way.

"She is happy you have come but said to tell you all not to wait for her," Teyla revealed a moment later. "She was on her way here but will head instead for the Dart Bay alone."

"Over my dead body!" I returned angrily. "Tell her to stay right where she is!"

"Uh, say, friends?" Rodney drew everyone's attention to him. "We have a small issue here."

"Oh, what now?" I demanded irritably.

"Looks like Michael's got his hyperdrive back online," Rodney reported. "It's powering up."

"Can you shut it down?" I waited for the answer even though I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"Well, not from this little thing," Rodney said weakly. "Look, the drive room is just down the corridor. You slap a C4 charge on that thing, it should certainly shut it down."

"Where?" I demanded.

"Here. I have a map." He typed a few commands and then handed it to me.

"This other dot – that's Sabina?" I asked quickly.

"It's where they were holding her," Rodney clarified. "She might be some distance away but it gives you the direction."

"Thanks," I looked at him gratefully, getting a wordless nod in return.

"Sabina is well John," Teyla tried to reassure me.

"I ah ... I know," I returned. "I just ...," I couldn't admit that I wouldn't really believe it until I'd seen her for myself. "Look, tell her I'll come find her as soon as I can, okay." She nodded, her face shifting into that expression I'd seen before that said she was communicating mentally.

"All right. Ronon, you're with me," I said briskly, heading for the door.

Ronon murmured a few words of encouragement to Teyla before ordering Rodney to take care of her and following me from the room.

"Sounds like Sabina's okay," Ronon commented as we ran down the corridor following Rodney's map.

"Yeah," I agreed, acknowledging that the tight knot of dread in my stomach had eased as Teyla had relayed her comments back to us. "And being stubborn as usual."

"You wouldn't have her any other way," Ronon pointed out ... I couldn't argue with that so I said nothing.

At the hyperdrive room it was Ronon who shot down the first two hybrid guards, leaving the last one for me.

"It's almost powered up," Ronon reported after looking at the generator's status.

"Give me your C4," I ordered, taking it and ducking underneath the generator. Reaching up plant the charges wasn't a good idea if the sharp pain in my side was any indicator ... I tried but couldn't avoid the groan or the need to double up against the agony. Those pain meds hadn't lasted as long as I'd been hoping for.

"Here," Ronon said impatiently. "Give it to me."

"I got it," I insisted, straightening up for another attempt.

"Give it to me," Ronon demanded irritably. "You don't have to do everything." Snatching the C4 block right out of my hand he reached up and easily attached it to the generator, positioned the detonator and then stepped back. "All right. On to Sabina?"

"Yeah," I turned ... stopping when my radio crackled to life.

"Ah Sheppard," Rodney's voice sounded stressed and nervous. "Change of plans."

"What Rodney?" I demanded impatiently. "We've already planted the charge and were about to detonate."

"Not that," Rodney countered. "Teyla just let me know Sabina's gone to the Dart Bay. There's no point following that map I gave you – she won't be there."

"Great," I shouldn't have been surprised ... two months without her had obviously dulled my 'she'll do her own thing no matter what I say' detector. "We'll head back to you – help you get Teyla to the Jumper."

Ronon and I ran down the corridor to what I judged a safe distance before we stopped to set off the C4.

"Let's hope we're far enough away," I commented, detonator in hand.

"Yeah, we'll see," Ronon seemed less than troubled that we might not be.

"Fire in the hole," I announced before flipping the switch.

The resulting explosion was satisfying, especially as I imagined Michael's face when he realised he wasn't fixing that one quickly. Of course now he'd know we were on board, meaning we were probably about to be inundated with hybrids if we didn't move fast.

"Back to Teyla," I announced, leading the way.

The scene we walked back into struck a chord with me for a number of reasons. Teyla sitting there with her baby wrapped in Rodney's jacket, delighted smile on her face.

My friend so happy ... safe with her baby in hand.

Being so close to seeing Sabina again after too long.

Visions of a similar future for us once we'd gotten off the ship.

"Wow!" That one word was the best I could do at expressing everything I was feeling.

"I caught it!" Rodney was buzzing with excitement. "Didn't hit the floor or anything!"

"He did a wonderful job," Teyla agreed, smiling up at us with tears shining in her eyes.

"That's good. That's ... you did good, Rodney," I said a bit lamely ... but hell, what did you say to someone who'd just helped deliver a baby on a Wraith cruiser? "All right, we gotta get you out of here," I told Teyla.

"Ronon, you may need to help me," Teyla cradled the baby protectively against her as Ronon lifted her without obvious effort.

We must have made a surreal picture as we traversed the distance to where we'd left the Puddle Jumper. Rodney, twitchy with nerves as he tried to look everywhere at once, sure a hybrid was about to jump us. Purposeful and silent Ronon effortlessly craddling Teyla and her baby in his arms as he strode forward confidently. Teyla - so strong, despite the fact that she'd just given birth after a month as Michael's captive. And me ... I didn't even want to think about how I looked right then. I could only hope the constant pain, the fear that everything was going to fall into a hole before I got to Sabina, didn't show on my face.

Back at the Dart Bay my first concern was that Sabina wasn't there yet. And while that _should_ have been my most pressing concern, it took a back seat when I discovered the Jumper was gone ... unbelievable as it was, it became clear after a few moments of searching and confirming that we were in the right spot that someone had stolen it.

"Oh, this is not good," I forced out grimly.

"I told you you should have stayed here!" Rodney retorted irritably.

"Was never gonna happen," I returned, knowing I would have traded a hundred Puddle Jumpers to get Sabina back. "I don't suppose there's any chance one of us could operate a Dart?" I looked at the ones closest to us in speculation.

"Ah – no," Rodney replied in a tone that said he was gearing up for some kind of scientific spiel. "The interface I wrote for Ford's Dart was complex – there's no way I could rig up anything like that and there's not enough time to teach you all the commands you'd need to understand without it. Teyla has no experience with Darts so while she might be able to get the Dart systems on line she wouldn't be able to control them."

"We need Sabina," Ronon said simply.

We did indeed. Looking at Teyla I raised an eyebrow wordlessly. She got that look on her face again that meant she was tapping into her Wraith skills.

"She is still ten minutes from the Bay," Teyla reported after a few moments of conversation.

"Still?" I frowned. "What the hell has she been doing all this time?!"

"She suggested we find a place to wait," Teyla didn't pay any attention to my mood, for which I was grateful.

"This will be the first place the hybrids will look for us," Rodney agreed.

"Okay, this way," I gestured for everyone to follow me down the corridor. We hadn't gone far when we came face to face with a hybrid aiming a stun pistol at us. Rodney and I responded by raising our own weapons.

"Don't shoot!" Teyla begged. "Ronon, put me down." Ronon gently lowered her to the ground. "It is all right, John," she told me. "This is Kanaan. He is the father."

I had no choice but to stand there and trust that she knew what she was doing as she approached Kanaan with her baby in her arms. Kanaan ignored the rest of us completely as he put away his weapon and let Teyla show him his son for the first time. When he put a gentle hand on the child I knew she'd been right to trust him.

"This is our chance," she told him softly. "These are the friends I told you of. They can help you get back to your old self, but first you have to help us. Sabina - my friend - in on her way to the Dart Bay ... do you know which way she would go?"

"Yes," Kanaan nodded. "Follow me."

"No offence, Teyla," Ronon still held his weapon ready to use. "I don't trust this guy."

"He has tried to save me before," Teyla explained. "I trust him."

I could go along with that ... with a few minor adjustments of course. "Give me your weapon," I ordered simply. Kanaan handed it over without protest which won a few more points with me. "Okay – which way?"

Having Kanaan on our side was the edge we'd needed. When we rounded a corner and saw Sabina up ahead facing down two hybrids. They held their positions as we walked towards them - one quick order from Kanaan had them both standing down without a protest.

I stood frozen in place, for once losing touch with my surroundings and the movements of my team. My focus was entirely on Sabina, my eyes cataloguing everything as she walked slowly towards me. When she got closer I could see the signs of our time apart ... in the dark shadows under her eyes, the paleness of her skin ... the troubled expression on her face that even her joyful smile couldn't entirely mask. Grimly I added them to the tally I was keeping ... all the things I owed Michael that one day I _would_ collect on.

And then she was there in front on me ... in _touching_ distance. Somehow I closed the space between us. Without a word I pulled her into my arms and just hung on tight, burying my head in her hair.

We still had to get off the ship but at that point I didn't care. Sabina was back ... and I was whole again.

**The End ... of the companion story anyway!**

**Authors Note:**

Not sure I'm entirely happy with this chapter but after mucking around with it for a couple of days it's as good as it's gonna get. Only two, three chapters max left ... thanks for sticking with this very LONG story.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 59_


	79. You’re really here!

**Chapter 59: You're really here!**

I couldn't have described my feelings as I watched Diamantia disappear. On the surface I knew what it meant ... what I was, what I'd been stolen and altered to be, had been used to deal Michael a killing blow some time in the future. But how to feel about it? How to see myself now the full truth had been revealed? That left me dazed and uncertain.

"_Sabina_," Teyla's voice in my head brought me abruptly back to the present. "_What is your status?_"

"_I'm about half way to the Dart Bay_," I reported as I left the lab. "_How about you?_"

"_My baby is here_," I felt the smile, her joy, and couldn't contain the grin on my own face.

"_That's fantastic_," I replied. "_Are you okay?_"

"_I am well_," Teyla reassured me.

"_And the baby?_" it was difficult not to worry - a baby on a Wraith cruiser was just wrong on so many levels.

"_He is perfect_," Teyla's mental voice was awash with awe and love. "_Ronon is helping me but there is a problem. The Jumper has been stolen. John wishes to know how far away you are._"

"_You're in the Dart Bay?_" I questioned, waiting for her affirmative before continuing. "_Okay, it'll probably take me another five to ten minutes to get there if I don't run into resistance. You might want to find a place to hide until I can find you._"

"_I will let John know_," Teyla promised. "_Be careful_," she added before closing off the connection.

I shouldn't have made that comment about resistance ... it was just asking for trouble, which I found about three corridors later.

"Stop!" I turned slowly, hands held high as two hybrid guards approached, weapons trained on me.

"This ship isn't going anywhere," I tried for the logical approach. "There's a big battleship out there right now just waiting to destroy us. Why don't you win yourself some points and let me go. I'll put in a good word for you."

"Michael will reward us for your capture," one of them replied.

"If I know Michael he's already thinking about how to get out of here himself," I laughed mockingly. "Do you really think he'll take you with him, look after you? He _used_ you ... if you let me go I can get help for you, maybe get you switched back into whoever you used to be."

"We do not take orders from you," the second guard reached for my arm, pulling me roughly towards him.

With the two of them crowding me in the narrow corridor I didn't like my chances. I'd have to play along and hope for an opening to appear ... not liking the odds of that happening anytime soon I prepared to let Teyla know they'd have to find another way off the ship.

And that's when I saw them ... down the other end of the corridor came Kanaan with Teyla close beside him. And following them were John, Rodney and Ronon.

Knowing John was on the ship and seeing him in person were two different things. Tears blurred my vision as I stood watching their approach, waiting silently to see what would happen next. My hybrid captors did nothing as Kanaan approached, keeping quiet but continuing to hold onto me.

"Release her," Kanaan ordered when he was still a few feet away.

They let me go without a word, stepping back respectfully as Kanaan strode towards them.

My eyes were locked to John's ... nothing else penetrated my notice apart from the emotion I saw in his. His joy and relief ... his obvious love had my feet moving without my conscious effort as I walked slowly towards him.

And then I was in his arms and he was holding me so tightly and it was the best feeling in the galaxy ... hell, in two galaxies.

"Oh God," I muttered, pulling back. Putting a hand on either side of his head I urged him to look at me. "You're really here!"

"Sorry it took us so long," John smiled weakly.

"None of that matters now," I laughed through my tears, pulling him down to me and kissing him enthusiastically. He got into the spirit of it too and I completely forgot the still dire circumstances as well as our audience. It was only when I leaned into John, running my hands up his back and holding him closer that I realised something was wrong.

He groaned and it wasn't an 'I wish we were alone so I could take this somewhere intimate' groan. No, this was a classic John Sheppard "I'm in pain and manfully trying to hide it" groan.

"John," I pulled away abruptly, taking a step back so I could get a good look at him. He was deathly pale and sweating, the cuts on his face a vivid red. How had I not noticed that immediately? "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," he replied casually, an act ruined when he looked away.

"Don't lie to me," I retorted grimly. "The 'I'm fine' routine might work with everyone else but I can see right through you. How bad is it?"

"I'm okay to get back to the Daedalus," he put a hand to his side, grimacing at the resulting pain. Looking down at his hand and seeing the blood – both fresh and old - had the worry replacing all my other emotions. I didn't wait for permission, just pulled his shirt up so I could see how bad it was. Frowning again I looked at the bandages wrapped tightly around his stomach.

"Teyla never mentioned a fight," I looked at him suspiciously. "When did that happen?"

"Before," John gestured vaguely.

"Ronon?" I looked up at him expectantly, knowing John wasn't going to confess to anything specific.

"Back on the planet," Ronon admitted with an apologetic shrug for John. "Jennifer patched him up."

"You shouldn't even be here!" I said angrily. When he made to offer some kind of excuse I interrupted before he could get a word out. "No, don't say anything. We need to get you and Teyla and her son back to the Daedalus asap. I'm assuming a Dart is still our only option?"

"My people can fly you to safety," Kanaan offered.

"There are other Athosian's on board?" I asked curiously.

"A few," Kanaan agreed.

"You need to round them up then," John advised. "Once we're clear our people will destroy this ship."

"I will need time," Kanaan looked at Teyla worriedly.

"I can fly the Dart," I reassured him. "You grab your people and head for the Bay. I'll just beam everyone up and then fly us clear. It has to be me or the F302's will attack – the Daedalus won't believe it's us unless one of us is there to talk to them."

"Very well," Kanaan shared a wordless gaze with Teyla before hurrying away.

"This is all very touching," Rodney had been unusually patient but had obviously reached his limit, "but there'll be plenty of time for reunions back on Atlantis. So what do you say we get out of here?"

"Yes, I'm glad to see you too Rodney," I said, his familiar impatience having me smiling despite our circumstances and John's injury.

"Uh -," Rodney stopped for a moment and then looked at me. Was that real emotion I saw in his eyes? "Good to have you back Sabina," he said simply.

"Good to be back," I returned casually, like I'd been out shopping instead of held prisoner by the Wrath for a month.

"Time to go," Ronon's tone was serious but I could see the hint of a smile playing across his face too. I really wanted to find out how they'd all been doing while I'd been away but had to resist the temptation to ask - there'd be time for all that later.

"Good idea," John grabbed my hand and pulled me into motion.

He'd obviously gotten to me under his own steam but he looked so pale and weary that I felt the need to help him in some way. Ducking under his arm I positioned myself so that I was supporting some of his weight as we walked.

And he let me ... smiling down at me mutely he let me help him all the way to the Dart Bay.

After some debate about the merits of beaming a newborn baby into storage we all agreed it wasn't a good idea. That left me sitting in the cockpit of a Wraith Dart with a baby nestled in my lap while John and the others huddled in a close group waiting for me to collect them. It seemed like too long as I sat in that Dart with my eyes locked to John's, waiting, but eventually Kanaan ran in with a few others in tow, joining the group. I got the Dart into motion, all my previous experience coming back without conscious effort.

It was surreal ... to have gone from captive to leading the escape from the ship ... surreal in the best possible way.

Moments later I had everyone on board and was heading from the Dart Bay and out into space.

_Finally_ Teyla and I were free!

Spotting the Daedalus I immediately began broadcasting a message on the radio Rodney had given me, telling them not to destroy us and giving the authentication code John had made me memorise.

"I repeat, this is Sabina Sheppard ... giving Colonel John Sheppard's authentication code Bravo Delta Charlie Alpha Niner. Daedalus, please come in."

"Authenticated ... under the circumstances," Colonel Caldwell replied. "Sabina, where's Sheppard and the others?"

"I have everyone beamed into storage," I reported. "The Jumper went missing and this was our only option."

"Do you have Teyla with you?" Caldwell asked.

"Yes, and the baby," I smiled down at her son, currently sleeping peacefully in my lap.

"You beamed a baby into Wraith storage?!" Caldwell asked incredulously.

"Of course not," I replied, insulted that he'd think that. "I've got him right here in my lap. There's nothing left to save on that Cruiser so any time you want to take it out is good for me."

"Copy that," Caldwell acknowledged.

It was a thing of beauty, watching the Daedalus sweep towards the Cruiser with Asgard beam shooting out the front. I felt a savage pleasure when Michael's ship flew apart, pieces whizzing off in every direction. With any luck Michael had been on it when it blew. I know - unlikely given history and what I knew of him. In fact I was pretty sure I knew exactly who'd taken our Puddle Jumper but was pushing it to the back of my mind. Time enough later to blame myself for giving Michael another tool in his campaign to take over the galaxy. Diamantia hadn't said anything about exactly when that time bomb would go off and I was pretty sure there'd be suffering and death for too many people before it happened ... and that I'd spend a lot of time trying to convince myself it wasn't my fault.

"Sabina, why don't you head down to the planet, beam everyone out and land that Dart?" Colonel Caldwell suggested, interrupting my grim thoughts. "I'm pretty sure you can dial up that Stargate now. I'll beam Doctor Keller down to take care of Teyla and the baby."

"Now _that_ is something I can get behind," I smiled, looking down at Teyla's son fondly. "Isn't that right little guy? I bet you're pretty keen to get back to Mommy."

The baby didn't reply, just yawned and snuggled down to continue his sleep.

oOo

Following Colonel Caldwell's advice I flew the Dart down to the planet, doing a sweep around the Stargate so I could find the best spot. Depositing my cargo I landed the Dart a safe distance away and proceeded on foot back to the others, Teyla's baby still sleeping in my arms.

Doctor Keller was already tending to John when I got to them a few minutes later. She had stretchers for both John and Teyla and a few medics helping her secure them for gate travel.

"Here he is," I carried the baby carefully to Teyla and deposited him into her waiting arms.

"Thank you Sabina," she said gratefully, holding him close. "Not just for this but for everything you did on that ship."

"There is no need for thanks between friends," I intoned wisely, smiling when she recognised her own words being repeated back to her. "Pretty sure it was you who said that to me about a year ago."

"Yes," Teyla smiled graciously, cradling her baby with a cheek to his. "And yet in this case I feel the need."

"You can thank me by letting me babysit that little guy from time to time," I suggested with a grin.

"We would both like that very much," Teyla agreed, looking lovingly down at her son again.

"See you back on Atlantis," I moved aside to let the medics wheel her away. Turning to John's stretcher I watched for a moment, trying to judge the urgency of Jennifer's movements as she tended to him.

"How bad is it?" I drew Jennifer's attention to me, putting a hand on John's shoulder to announce my arrival.

"He needed surgery and a transfusion hours ago," Jennifer admitted with a guilty glance my way. "It doesn't look like he's done any further damage but I need to scan him to make sure."

"But he'll be okay?" I persisted, still concerned because John was so pale and obviously in a great deal of pain that he was doing an uncharacteristically poor job of hiding.

"He should make a complete recovery," Jennifer reassured me. "I'm sorry Sabina ... I never should have allowed him off the Daedalus."

"I'm sure he made it very difficult for you to say no," I let her off lightly, fully aware of how persuasive John could be when he wanted something.

"_He_ is lying right here you know," John complained the lack of attention he was getting.

"Sorry," I smiled down at him, reaching a hand out to smooth back his hair. "I'd be happier about going home if you weren't lying on that stretcher."

"I can walk through the Stargate if it'll make you feel better," John offered, half rising from his prone position with an involuntary wince.

"What? No!" Jennifer reacted promptly, pushing him back down with an impatient sigh. "I swear you're the worst patient I've ever had. Carson had notes you know ... _reams_ of notes devoted just to handling you."

"Carson!" I exclaimed suddenly. "I forgot - I saw him! How the hell is that even possible?"

"Clone," John said succinctly. "Don't get too excited Sabina ... we had to put him in stasis because Michael had him on some kind of drug. Without it he was gonna die."

"I'm working on a treatment," Jennifer added before I could react. "It'll just take time."

"Oh," I frowned, not sure how I should feel about that. Realising there were four weeks' worth of Atlantis stories for me to hear about that couldn't be covered in five minutes I pushed my curiosity to the background, focusing again on John.

"Ready to go home now?" he asked seriously.

"Hell yes," I took his hand, walking slowly alongside the stretcher, through the wormhole and back to Atlantis.

**Author's Note:**

I don't think in reality that Caldwell would have accepted John's authentication code from anyone other than John but ... well, Sabina wouldn't have one of her own so I went with him bending the rules given the circumstances. One chapter - maybe two - to go.

Also apologises for any confusion - I refered to a two month absence in the last John POV chapter which was wrong (has been corrected). See my chapter 70 note where I worked out that time wise Sabina and Teyla were missing for about 4 weeks.

_Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 60_


	80. How many made it out?

**Chapter 60: ****How many made it out?**

I stayed with John once we were in the infirmary, waiting for Jennifer to prep everything for his surgery. I'd already checked and been dismayed to hear it would take a few hours and that John would be out of action for at least a couple of weeks. It really was both the highs and the lows all at the same time – the joy of being with John offset by the fact that he was seriously injured, despite his attempts to gloss over it.

"I'm still angry that you attempted a rescue mission in your condition," I told John disapprovingly.

"Attempt?!" John retorted indignantly. "The last time I checked, I succeeded."

"We can debate who rescued who later," I told him sagely, trying not to smile.

Teyla, in the bed beside John's with her son in her arms, laughed at that.

"How's the kid?" John asked her.

"Doctor Keller says he's perfectly healthy," she reported, smiling down at the baby. "I say he's perfectly _everything_."

"That's great," John glanced across at me with a look that said he was thinking about more than just the surface of his words. "That's great."

"A part of me still cannot believe that we are finally home, that my son is here," Teyla admitted, "even though we never gave up hope that you would come for us."

"I wasn't even sure _how _you'd find us," I admitted, "just that I knew you would."

"You'd do the same for me," John said with such certainty. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. The look he was giving me said there was a story there somewhere ... one I was determined to hear just as soon as he was up to it.

More would have been said but Jennifer walked in then, dressed for surgery.

"All right," she announced. "You ready, Colonel?"

"Ready?" John replied. "From my understanding, I'm not doing anything."

"Well, that's right," Jennifer agreed. "You just have to lay still and let me play with your insides."

She'd been smiling at her own joke but John's less than impressed straight-face had the smile fading quickly. "Sorry," she apologised weakly. "Um, let's go."

John turned to Teyla before they could start wheeling him away. "What are you gonna name the kid?"

'Well, if it's all right with you," she glanced at me and added, "all right with both of you, I was thinking of Torren John Scott, after my father and after the two of you."

"Really?!" John and I said in unison.

John looked touched and pleased by that. I felt a surge of pride for him along with a healthy dose of emotion at her suggestion. That she would use a name I'd given up to take John's ... the surname of parents I liked to think had partly made me what I was ... it meant a lot.

"Without the two of you I fear the future for my son would have been much different," Teyla explained simply.

"Thank you Teyla," I said softly, my vision somewhat hazy through a sheen of tears.

"I - _we _- would be very honoured," John responded with a smile, squeezing my hand firmly.

"Very well!" Teyla smiled down at her son. "Torren John Scott Emmagan," she said softly.

"I'll be here while you're in surgery," I promised John as the medics started to wheel his bed away.

"Yes you will," Jennifer said sternly. "Don't think I haven't noticed you're carrying some injuries of your own. I've already asked Doctor Cole to check you ... that should keep you occupied until John's in recovery."

"Lucky me," I muttered, ignoring John's amusement over my childish reaction.

"Be nice to the doctors Sabina," John called out as they wheeled him from the room.

"I'm always nice," I looked across to Teyla with a frown. "Aren't I?"

oOo

After an exhaustive check-up Doctor Cole returned to let me know she was admitting me ... just for a few hours.

"You're dehydrated and exhausted," she announced, "and I'm concerned about this headache you say you've had for days. I can replace your fluids much easier with a saline drip and it'll give you a chance to get some rest."

"Okay," I didn't argue, almost happy to have a reason for staying there when I'd had every intention of doing that anyway. "Doctor Cole?" I called her back before she could walk away to get my stay organised.

"Do you need something else?" she asked, returning to my side with a worried expression.

"No," I said quickly. I was in one part of the infirmary where examinations took place ... it was pretty quiet there considering the events of the day and I couldn't help but wonder. "I just ... it's been pretty hectic since I landed that Dart and I ah ... I was wondering about everyone else on that mission, the one where John was injured. I didn't want to ask before but maybe you could fill me in?"

"We suffered losses," Doctor Cole admitted. "Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne led two teams of marines to -,"

"Is Evan all right?" I broke in quickly. "And my team - Alex and Colin – are they okay?"

"As far as I know Lieutenants Parker and Brown weren't on the mission," Cole replied. "Doctor Keller said the building had been booby trapped – that it exploded with everyone still inside. Major Lorne was with Doctor McKay during the collapse. Apart from a broken leg he was very lucky. In fact, they should be transferring him down from the Daedalus as soon as it returns."

"How many made it out?" I asked, beyond relieved that everyone closest to me was safe but still dreading to hear the answer.

"Lieutenant Edison, Major Lorne, Doctor McKay," Doctor Cole said sadly, "plus Colonel Sheppard and Ronon. They searched for other life signs but there weren't any."

"Uh -," I swallowed hard, doing the sums in my head as I tried to control my emotions. Two teams meant four, maybe more, good soldiers who weren't coming home ... because of me.

"It's not your fault," Doctor Cole said softly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I'll send one of the nurses to admit you and set up that drip. Try and get some rest Sabina," she added, before leaving me to my thoughts.

Intellectually I knew it wasn't my fault those men had died. I wasn't the one who'd set out to capture Teyla and I hadn't destroyed that building. Michael did that - _he _was to blame. It made sense in my head but in my heart all I could think about was the families who'd now be getting news that their sons, their husbands, their father's weren't coming home. And it was all I could do not to break down and cry.

I submitted willingly as one of the nurses settled me into a corner bed and hooked me up to the drip. Closing my eyes I let my mind drift ... glad for the respite from company for a while. It wasn't avoidance as such ... but being in the infirmary delayed for a while all the reunion scenes I knew I'd be in for. Not that I didn't want to see my team, or catch up properly with Ronon and Rodney. I just didn't feel like I'd had a proper reunion with John yet and I wouldn't feel comfortable being back until I did.

Of course being in the infirmary didn't stop everyone from catching up with me.

"Sabina," Sam drew my attention away from my thoughts with her arrival late in the afternoon.

"Hey Sam," I smiled a genuine welcome.

"Doctor Cole says you've come through this surprisingly well," Sam commented.

"Michael didn't want to break his new toy," I said somewhat bitterly. "But don't worry – I have it on good authority he won't be able to use what he got from me for anything other than his own destruction."

"Ah ... okay," Sam said uncertainly. "Is there anything I need to know right now?"

"Not really," I replied. "Even assuming Michael made it out of that Cruiser before it was destroyed, I can't see him being capable of hitting back at us any time soon."

"All right then," Sam nodded. "Once you're out of here you'll have to brief me on the details."

"Of course," I agreed. "So ... how bad was it?"

Sam didn't pretend not to know what I was talking about. "About as bad as you're imagining," she admitted, "but he got through it. John has a story of his own to tell when he's feeling up to it."

"Yeah, I got that," I acknowledged. "Thanks for letting him do what he needed to do," I added softly. "I know I blasted him for going on a mission in his condition but ... it would have hurt him even more if he'd been forced to stay behind."

"I know," Sam agreed simply. "Listen, I've been called back to Earth for an SG-1 thing, plus the IOA want to do another evaluation. I'll schedule a briefing with you when I return."

"Thanks Sam," I smiled as she got up to leave. "Tell Daniel ... _and_ Jack I said hello."

"I will," Sam said in amusement.

oOo

Jennifer was smiling when she returned from John's surgery a few hours later, everything I needed to know written on her face. Sighing in relief I relaxed back in bed tiredly. They'd removed Teyla to a private room so she and Torren could get acquainted without an audience and it was quiet and peaceful in the main area.

I must have dozed for a bit because it only seemed like minutes later that one of the nurses was shaking me awake and telling me John was back in the infirmary if I wanted to sit with him. I'd finished with the treatments Doctor Cole had prescribed and they'd removed the drip so I got myself up and headed over to John's bed. These days no one bothered to try and get me to leave ... too many stubborn stands and sneak backs after dark had dimmed the drive of even the most stringent of nurses so I knew I wouldn't be bothered.

Taking a seat by John's bed I took his hand and settled in to wait for him to wake up. It was a familiar feeling being in the darkened infirmary alone ... even given the circumstances, a part of me welcomed that. All part of the process of coming home ... of _feeling_ like I was home.

The sound of someone approaching got my attention an hour or so later. Glancing quickly at John and seeing that he was still sleeping peacefully I turned towards the door, a grin taking over when I saw who it was.

"Evan!" I jumped up and rushed over, almost skidding to a stop in front of him once I'd gotten a good look at his condition. "Geeze, you look like hell," I muttered, registering the cuts on his too pale face along with the heavy cast on his leg. The sound I'd heard was the crutches he needed to get around ... the ones he was leaning on more than just a little. He was dressed in casual clothes but it looked more like he should still be an inmate of the infirmary. "Should you even be up and about?"

"Probably not," he admitted. Shifting around me he moved to the nearest bed and propped the crutches up beside him before turning and leaning back against it, taking some of the weight off his feet. And then he just looked at me, his expression unreadable.

"Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly, closing the distance and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"It is now," he said simply. He glanced over to John's bed before looking at me. "There's just one thing I have to do." And then he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me and dropping his head to rest against my shoulder. He hugged me so tight that I could do nothing but return the embrace. It was a strange moment in many respects ... Evan and I _were_ close but hugging wasn't a routine part of our friendship. In fact, apart from that one dance I couldn't recall another instance where we'd gotten that close – a fact that had quite the impact on my thoughts.

I should have realised how responsible he'd feel for what had happened to me and to Teyla ... how he'd probably been blaming himself all the weeks we'd been gone ... but I hadn't and suddenly I felt like the worst kind of friend for not considering his feelings.

"It wasn't your fault," I said softly. "And both Teyla and I really _are_ okay."

Squeezing me one final time before letting go, Evan looked away, rubbing a hand over his eyes before looking back to me. His eyes looked too blue and not as happy as I would have expected. "Evan?" I asked with a frown, not sure exactly what I was questioning.

"Don't ever do that again," he ordered, his voice just a little rough.

"What? Throw myself into a culling beam? Get captured by the Wraith?" I listed the possibilities a little flippantly, not liking seeing the usually unflappable Major Lorne visibly upset. "Disappear for a month?"

"All of the above," he said more in his usual voice. "You have to stop throwing yourself into danger like that Sabina. Next time you might not be so lucky."

"I had to do it Evan," I insisted, urging him to sit on the infirmary bed and then hopping up beside him. "Would you have preferred me to let Teyla go through all of that alone?"

"Of course not," he shot back. "But ... you have a knack for getting yourself into trouble and one day ...," he stopped, shooting me a quick glance before looking away. "You worry me Sabina. One day you'll do something like this and ... you won't come back. It won't matter whether it's on my watch or not - I'll still feel responsible because I've let personal feelings get in the way of being a proper commanding officer. If I had done that maybe you wouldn't be in such a hurry to land in the thick of trouble."

"That is such crap Evan Lorne," I retorted firmly. "You think John put me on your team so you could turn me into Miss Obedience? He chose you because he knew more than anything else I needed to feel like I was part of something ... part of a team. He knew I needed someone other than him who'd care about me. And he _knew_ you'd be all that for me ... I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."

"Maybe that's true," Evan allowed, for once not trying to step around a discussion about 'feelings' like he usually did. "Only makes me feel more responsible when something happens to you ... so maybe you could do me a favour and stop trying to be the hero."

"Believe me when I say I am all done with heroic acts," I told him. Nudging his shoulder teasingly, I smiled. "So ... is this your way of telling me you really do care about me?"

"I swore I'd never admit this because it'll just give you more ammunition to wheedle whatever you want out of me," Evan shifted a little to face me. "But after the past month ...," he took a breath and then looked me in the eye. "You're a friend Sabina ... a _close _friend. But it's more than that ... out here you're the nearest thing I have to family."

I was speechless for a moment. The way he ducked his head as though embarrassed ... how uncomfortable he was but he'd still forced himself to make the effort ... that all had me grinning with delight. "I love you too Evan," I said cheerfully, putting an arm around his shoulders and squeezing tight. "Does this mean I can go little sister on you?" I asked teasingly. "Screen all your dates, ask you nosy questions about where you're going and with whom, stuff like that?"

"No it doesn't," finally there was amusement in his eyes as he mock glared at me. "It means you have to start behaving yourself ... because I'm not above siding with John if it means stopping you from doing something crazy."

"Ha!" I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm taking back that whole sister thing if that's how you're gonna behave."

He chuckled but didn't say anything. I let the moment settle as I thought back over what he's said and realised that one thing stood out to me. Evan had called John by his first name - something he rarely did even when it was the two of us discussing something unrelated to work. I could only surmise that John had leaned on Evan for support, even just a little, over the past month. They'd probably had more than one personal conversation and it made me happy to see Evan finally relaxing enough to trust in the friendship he'd always had with my husband.

"So ... did John do anything crazy while I was gone?" I asked curiously.

"Ah ... you should probably talk to him about that," Evan avoided a direct answer. Looking at me intently he continued. "It was hard for him Sabina but ... well, you should be proud because he kept it together, did his job ... and he got you and Teyla home."

"Thank you Evan," I said softly.

"I didn't do that much," he shook his head. "And nowhere near enough."

"You supported John when he needed it," I was sure of that. He shifted slightly and I didn't miss the grimace of pain on his face, the way he paled just a little. "I'm really sorry you got hurt."

"I'll be back in action before you know it," Evan dismissed lightly.

I nodded wordlessly. As I looked at his battered facade ... hyper aware of John looking even worse in the bed close by and with thoughts of those marines who wouldn't be going home ... that feeling of being close to the edge returned. On top of everything else I was trying to handle - the truth about myself, fear of what Michael would do with what he'd stolen from me before whatever was going to happen happened - it was too much. I hadn't cried since that day in the Wraith cell but I couldn't hold it in any more.

"_I'm sorry_," I sobbed as tears rolled down my face in streams and my breath hitched audibly. Jumping up from the bed the only thought I had was getting out of there, finding somewhere to curl up and let it out. I had to get my balance back before John woke up because there was no way I was putting everything I was feeling right then on him when he was injured and still hurting from our time apart.

"Don't," Evan grabbed my arm before I could get away. Pulling me around to face him he grabbed both my hands and held on tight. "None of this is your fault Sabina," he said firmly. "And everyone who went on that mission _wanted _to be there."

"Wasn't it?" my voice was hoarse as I looked at him miserably. "You said it yourself ... I've got a knack for getting into trouble. Maybe it would have been better if Diamantia had chosen someone else to be her little science experiment."

"Do you think John feels that way?" Evan looked at me intently.

"He wouldn't know any different," I shot back, tugging on my hands in a silent plea for him to let me go. "And who's to say John's life wouldn't have been better without me around to mess things up?!"

"_Sabina_," Evan gave me his classic Lorne exasperated face as he kept me there. "_He'd_ say it! So would I. You're a pain in the ass - you make being a team CO more challenging than anyone I've ever commanded ... but I wouldn't have it any other way. Life has been a hell of a lot more interesting since you forced your way onto my team."

"Hey, I didn't _force _myself on your team," I shot back, finally managing to pull a hand away to wipe my eyes.

"Of course not," Evan smirked as he watched me closely. "So - enough of this silliness okay? You're here because this is where you're meant to be."

"Okay," I sniffed, wiping at the tears that were still coming despite my attempts to calm myself down. "Just ... just give me a moment here."

"Sure," Evan said lightly. "You know ... another thing little sisters get is a shoulder to cry on."

"Really?" I asked tearfully.

"Yep," tugging on the hand he still held, Evan pulled me into his side. I rested my head against his shoulder as invited as he just let me cry ... no questions asked, no need to explain ... and consequently no guilt or embarrassment.

I don't know how much time passed before I finally felt calm again. I pulled away, swiping at my eyes with a self deprecating laugh. "Now I'm the one who probably looks like hell," I joked.

"Well ... I didn't want to say anything but now that you mention it ...," Evan trailed off with a smirk.

"And there I was about to say you're gonna make some lucky girl very happy one day," I retorted, smacking his shoulder lightly.

"Don't -," he began.

"Major Lorne!" Jennifer strode into the infirmary, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him pointedly. "What did Doctor Barker tell you before they released you from the Daedalus infirmary to beam down here?"

"Ah," Evan had such a guilty look on his face it was almost comical.

"I knew it!" I shook my head at him, hovering between teasing and being genuinely concerned for his wellbeing. "I _knew_ you should have been somewhere resting."

"I had some things to take care of first," Evan didn't apologise, just looked at Jennifer without remorse. "There was no way I was resting until I'd seen for myself that Sabina was okay."

"Well, you've seen her now so off you go," Jennifer urged, picking up his crutches and holding them out expectantly. "And straight to your quarters Major or I'll revoke your get out of the infirmary free card and admit you myself."

"I'm going," Evan grinned at me on his way past. He was almost at the door before I called out to him.

"Hey Evan?" he stopped to look back at me. "Thanks for stopping by, and for ...," I waved a hand vaguely, "you know, everything."

"Any time," Evan promised, his expression serious.

"Let's see how our patient is doing," Jennifer's words drew my attention back to her and when I glanced up again moments later Evan had disappeared.

Jennifer did the usual night time checks and pronounced John as doing very well.

"I don't suppose I can convince you to go rest in your quarters," she said lightly.

"I'll rest here," I replied with a faint smile.

She nodded, hanging John's chart in the usual spot before wishing me good night.

Back at John's bedside I held onto his hand tightly, leaning forward so I could rest my forehead against his uninjured side. Seconds later I was asleep.

**Authors Note:**

So, I decided to expand things a little - the result being an extra chapter before the big finish. I don't know how many marines would have been on those teams, not how long it takes before you can walk around on crutches after breaking your leg. Guesses made on that and lots of other things too to expedite the story. Apologies for not replying to the last chapter reviews ... will do that when its not 3:12AM ... before the next post.

_Finally, next up? The LAST chapter!_


	81. I think I’d know if I were pregnant John

**Chapter 61: I think I'd know if I were pregnant John**

"Sabina," John's quiet call along with the hand caressing my hair drew me from sleep some time later.

Frowning because I didn't know where I was for a moment I sat up in my chair, wincing at the pain in my neck. Looking around the infirmary I saw it was still night - although probably shifting into the early hours of morning.

"You should have gone to bed," John admonished, drawing my attention back to him.

He was awake! My spirits lifted as I took in his rumpled appearance. God he looked good - even in his current, less than 100 percent condition!

"I've grown fond of the infirmary vigil crick in the neck," I quipped in return, running my eyes over him assessingly. "You look much better."

"Feeling it too," John said simply. "What about you - you're really okay?" he looked at me in concern as he raised himself to a semi sitting position in the bed. "Carson said he shot you."

"He did," I agreed, putting a hand to that shoulder instinctively. "Not that he had a choice. Michael patched me up, pretty good from what Doctor Cole said. Apart from a lingering headache I'm in surprisingly good shape – and that's a direct quote from the Doc herself."

"That's ...," John's eyes shimmered in the dimly lit infirmary, "that's a relief."

"You were worried," I began, knowing we'd have to confront our separation so we could move past it and get on with being happy together again.

"I'm not sure worried quite cuts it Sabina," John ground out. "The first day maybe, but after that I went past worried into distressed, tormented, scared beyond belief eventually bordering on crazy."

"I'm sorry," I offered miserably. "I'd say it wasn't my fault but I know Evan told you I threw myself into that beam after Teyla. I didn't have a choice though ... I knew I could save her and there was no one else close enough."

"What made you so sure you could help Teyla?" John asked in a low tone.

After my conversation with Evan I wanted John to understand that I hadn't just thrown myself into danger without thinking about the consequences - to him and to everything we had together. As usual that meant I had to reveal that I'd kept something back ... not with any clear purpose although it might look that way to him at first.

"Ah ... because Diamantia pretty much said I could," I admitted in a rush.

"What?" John's tone was grim as he looked at me in disbelief. "You had prior warning this was gonna happen and you didn't tell me?"

"Not exactly," I denied. "All I had was a vague reference to 'a companion' being taken by the Wraith and Diamantia's warning that I had to be there when it happened. How was I to know it'd be Teyla or that being there would be so literal? I thought she just meant I'd be able to stop them from being taken in the first place!"

"And you didn't tell me because you thought I'd restrict your off world travel," John concluded blandly.

"That was part of it," I agreed, "but not a big part. _Honestly_," I emphasised that, wanting him to understand. "I didn't believe her John ... I was sure the whole 'brought here from the past' thing was some kind of trick, even with what I found in the Ancient database. I'd decided I should do what I always would just in case it _was _true only because I'd have hated myself if it turned out I could have helped but I wasn't there. To be honest I didn't even realise part of what Diamantia predicted was actually happening until the moment Teyla was taken. Instinct just took over after that."

"Okay," John let go of his anger over my deliberately placing myself under Michael's influence. "What did he do to you?"

I told him everything ... how Michael had treated me as nothing more than a tool he struggled to work out how to use ... how he'd bombarded me with mental noise and confusion that still had my head aching. How I'd offered myself up deliberately to shift attention away from Teyla ... and how Diamantia had appeared at the end and stopped me from destroying Michael's work.

"So you _do_ believe her now?" John asked intently.

"Hard not to," I admitted. "I made the decision to believe her, gave up the chance to set Michael's work back months if not longer. The Daedalus destroyed his Cruiser so maybe it all got destroyed anyway but I don't think so. She was so adamant John ... so sure Michael would use what he'd stolen from me and that it would destroy him in the end."

"You think he escaped with his research intact," John concluded.

"I do," I agreed. "He downloaded everything after I spoke to Diamantia and then he took the Jumper somehow and was out of there before we even hooked up again. Sometime in the future he'll work out what I did and he'll come after me. And some time after that the genetic bomb will go off and he'll be gone."

I'd promised myself I wouldn't cry and I really thought after all those tears I'd off loaded on Evan that I could live up to that - that I wouldn't have any left to shed. So it surprised even me when my voice quivered at the tail end of that last sentence. Before I knew it tears were running down my face.

John didn't say anything as I leaned forward in my chair and dropped my head to his shoulder. His hand stroked my hair lightly, soothing me and reassuring me at the same time.

"_I'm sorry_," I got out eventually, sitting back up and wiping at my eyes impatiently. "I don't know why I've even crying ... we got away. Maybe Michael will never work it out ... never trace it back to me."

"He will never touch you again," John promised vehemently, his eyes fiercely determined, glittering with unnamed emotions. "I swear to you he'll never be able to hurt you again."

"John?" I looked at him in concern, my own tears forgotten instantly.

"Just ... give me a minute," John drew me down to him, wrapping his arms around me tightly and burying his face against my chest. It wasn't the most comfortable posture but I let him take all the time he needed ... I could feel my back muscles protesting before he let go, swiping at his eyes like a little boy.

"I really am okay you know," I reassured him softly. "In fact I feel pretty fantastic all things considered." I waited for him to nod, to be back under control, before I continued. "Now - you know everything that happened from my side ... don't you think you should tell me your side of it now?"

He began with the ending, telling me about the building collapsing and he and Ronon being trapped in the rubble. That explained the injury but not how they'd known to go there in the first place. That's when it got interesting. I'd expected a brief litany compressing four weeks of unsuccessful off world missions into a few words. Instead I got a tale straight out of science fiction – and that was saying something since I already thought of what we did as firmly seated in that realm.

"Let me get this straight," I held up a hand when he was only partially through his explanation. "You were transported forty eight _thousand_ years into the future?"

"Sounds incredible I know," John agreed, "but it happened. It was much like the future you say Diamantia described although obviously not exactly the same because you were part of it. But because we didn't save Teyla Michael was able to use her son's genetic material to improve his hybrids ... pretty much what he'll do this time around using yours. But then – no time bomb going off and eventually no humans left in this galaxy. This place was deserted and buried in half a desert of sand."

"That must have been pretty disturbing," I tried to imagine how I would have felt under the same circumstances ... and couldn't.

"It would have been even more so if I hadn't had company," John admitted, going on with his story.

It was upsetting to hear about the future that would have been if John hadn't returned to the right time ... Teyla, Ronon, Sam – all dead and Jennifer soon after. Rodney devoting his whole life to getting John back. John only gave me the bare bones of each story but that was more than enough for me to appreciate how grim that future had been.

"And what about me?" I asked. "Don't tell me you didn't find out because I know you would have ... not at first but before you went into stasis."

"You're right," John agreed. Scooting over in his bed, he patted the space beside his uninjured side invitingly. "I need you up here nice and close for this bit," he said intently.

"Okay," I raised an eyebrow in surprise, no longer sure I wanted to hear about a Sabina Sheppard with John MIA.

"You went back to Earth for my funeral," John began, putting his arm around me and arranging us so I could rest my head on his shoulder. "It all sounded very familiar ... in fact exactly like the vision Davos gave you."

"You think that's what he showed me?" I looked at him in surprise.

"It happened," John stated simply. "Rodney found a way to change it, to make it _not _happen but I think that's what Davos was showing you – a future that's already happened ... but won't anymore."

"Well that's a relief," I acknowledged, feeling that edge of dread I'd been carrying round for too many months finally ease. "It pretty much completes everything he showed me. So I went back to Earth ... then what happened?"

"You walked away from Arlington," John said in a low tone. "You were gone from the SGC for about seven months with no one hearing a word from you - Lorne looked but from the sounds of it you were pretty determined to stay hidden ... until you were forced to return."

"What would force me to go back if you weren't there?" I frowned, trying to anticipate the next bit.

"A baby," John revealed, our eyes meeting and locking as he delivered those words. "You were pregnant Sabina ... seven months after my funeral you came back to the SGC to have a baby ... _our_ baby."

"But ... I'm not pregnant," I sat up abruptly, looking back at John feeling I didn't know what. Scared? Frozen? Did I mention scared?

"You are," John was smiling now as he watched me try to understand something he'd already had time to digest.

"I think I'd know if I were pregnant John," I insisted grumpily.

"Not this early," John disagreed, taking my hands and holding them tightly. "We need a test to confirm it but you better believe it's true. We, my love, are somewhere around seven months away from being parents!"

"Oh God," I took my hands from his and covered my face as I realised what that meant. "God John – that whole time on Michael's ship! I _let_ him experiment on me! What if –,"

"Don't!" John pulled my hands back down. When I wouldn't look at him directly, he threaded his fingers through my hair and pulled my eyes up to his. "None of that matters ... and I know with one hundred percent certainty that the baby is fine."

"Tell me everything," I demanded, desperately needing something to counter the horrifying thoughts running through my head. Michael had wanted Teyla's baby and in offering myself up to stop that I'd almost given him mine. How that had been avoided was anyone's guess - I could only presume without the outward signs Michael hadn't thought to check for that kind of thing.

Had Diamantia known that aspect of my future? Was that part of what she'd meant by the benefits of me being outside my own time? And should I be feeling angry she'd seen fit to still have me risking myself when she'd probably known it wasn't just me I was risking? It was unlikely I'd ever know the truth ... another thing I'd have to bury in the 'no answer' box in my head. Shaking myself internally I refocused on John. "What are we having? What name did I use?" I asked impatiently. "Did you find out anything else?"

"You really want to know?" John asked, looking at me closely. "Keeping in mind that everything I found out about our future is gonna be different now?"

"But you know what we're having," I pointed out. "I would have wanted to know and you can't be sitting there for the next who knows how long keeping that to yourself."

"Okay, I'll tell you that, but nothing else," John insisted. "I don't think that future you, if she could be here right now, would want me to tell you anything else."

My eyes narrowed as I considered those words. His deliberate turn of phrase was uncharacteristic and there was one thing I knew for sure - he wasn't telling me everything. "John," I raised an eyebrow expectantly, that one word a wholly articulated question that said he better spill the beans or suffer the consequences.

"I _knew_ that wouldn't work," John muttered under his breath. With a sigh he shook his head. "This is gonna annoy you no end but ...," he hesitated before continuing, "you insisted I tell you nothing else - nothing beyond what I've already shared."

"_I_ insisted?" I repeated in confusion. "Pretty sure I'd remember that ... unless ...," I trailed off as possibilities for how that could be true began to occur to me. How far would I have been prepared to go to make sure John wasn't deserted all alone in that future Atlantis?

"You found a way to get a message to me in that future," John explained vaguely. "I agreed not to reveal too much, for fear that I'd stuff up this new future. I promised and in my mind it's a promise to _you_ ... I can't break that."

"Not even if I give you permission to?" I asked.

"Ha - nice try," John said with amusement. "Believe me when I say there is no one who can give me permission to break that promise. So ... I'll tell you what we're having since you'll find that out eventually anyway, but nothing else. Agreed?"

I looked at him thoughtfully ... I knew John. Once he'd given his word nothing was going to sway him. I'd have to accept that he couldn't tell me everything he'd experienced - there was no other choice, despite my burning curiosity to know. In the end it wasn't that much different from not wanting to hear about the visions Davos experienced. I believed the future was unwritten - that we could influence it with our actions. All that remained was for me to live that ... and I would, as soon as I'd confirmed one more thing.

"Nothing untoward happened?" I asked, watching him intently. "There wasn't anything disturbing or upsetting that you're gonna carry forward?"

"No," John said simply. "Even with all that tragedy you were exactly as I expected Sabina - _more_ than. In fact, your actions both awed and humbled me ... I won't forget it but it's not going to adversely affect our future."

"Um," I didn't know what to say to that, "I ah ... I guess that's a good thing ... right?"

"It's a _great_ thing," he returned, a slight smile indicating that he was amused by my reaction. "So - do we have a deal?"

"We do," I agreed abruptly. Future unwritten - no lasting negative effects. I could be comfortable with that. "Well – don't keep me in suspense here! Boy or Girl?"

"A boy," John laughed as I threw myself against him, wincing when I forgot about his injury. "Hey ... walking wounded here, remember."

"Sorry," I scooted back quickly, grinning madly. "A little version of you running around here ... it's just incredible. I can't believe it ... I don't feel any different."

"This is certainly an inside out version of how these things usually go," John commented. When I looked at him with a puzzled frown he elaborated. "You know ... girl suspects she's pregnant, does a test, sits on the positive result for however long and then finally shares it with whichever male got her that way."

"You could be the first male in the history of this sort of thing to get the news first," I suggested with a teasing grin. "Speaking for the rest of mankind, how was it?"

"I enjoyed it," John replied seriously. "I can understand why people keep it a secret ... anticipating your reaction and then seeing how you honestly feel about it because with that initial knowledge you can't hide anything. I guess it's all the things women feel in that space of time between finding out for themselves and then sharing it with their other half. The whole Michael thing aside your first reaction was very ... maternal - fear, concern, responsibility, wonder, pride ... happiness. I saw all that in you and it was ... amazing."

"Oh," he'd actually managed to get me speechless for a moment. "Is that how you reacted? Since it seems I got cheated out of seeing it for myself."

"Let's see," John replied thoughtfully. "Ah ... disbelief, worry, excitement, a bucket load more worry, fear ...," he trailed off. "I could go on but you get the picture. You being Michael's captive and me being forty eight thousand years in the future at the time kind of put a bizarre spin on the whole thing."

"Of course," I nodded, understanding that completely. "What about now?"

"I'm over the moon," John admitted, "especially now I can share it with you. You know how much I wanted this Sabina. That hasn't changed. I can't wait to tell everyone."

"Let me have a chance to enjoy it for a bit before we tell anyone else," I requested lightly.

"Ah ... Jennifer already knows," John looked at me worriedly, waiting for a reaction.

"You _used_ that to convince her to let you go to Michael's Cruiser?" I looked at him in disbelief. "John!"

"I had no choice," John insisted with little sign of remorse.

"You could have been sensible and stayed behind," I pointed out heatedly.

"Yeah, and then if it all went to hell I could have spent the rest of my life beating myself up about it," John retorted. "You know that's what I'd do. I'm sorry I couldn't check with you first before telling Jennifer you were pregnant but let's be honest – I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat."

"You would," I agreed, resigned to accept that as the way John was built. "It's okay ... and I don't mind you telling Jennifer. She'd have known in a couple of hours anyway when we ask for that test."

"So we're good," John commented, shifting lower in the bed and drawing me back down to rest beside him.

"We're good," I agreed, putting a hand over his heart with a sigh. "You know, all these different versions of the future are kind of confusing," I said after a moment's pause. "The first one Diamantia lived through where I wasn't even here, then the one you saw, and now the one we're gonna have which will be different again. Even the one from Rod's alternate reality."

"I know," John agreed. "But the only thing you'll get out of trying to get it all straight is a sore head."

"True," I laughed. "The only present ... the only future that matters is the one we're gonna have ... together."

We lay there quietly for a time, both thinking our own thoughts before I spoke again. "Wow ... a baby."

"It's big," John agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"You realise I'd be jumping you right about now if you weren't injured, right?" I shifted, raising myself up on one hand so I could look at him, my expression telling him I was quite serious.

"That's right, torture the injured man," John complained.

"Sorry," I looked at him for a moment before kissing his lips softly once and then again. "You know I love you."

"You know I love you back," John replied, hand at the back of my head so he could kiss me more forcefully.

We were managing to get a nice passionate buzz happening until a throat being cleared behind us announced an audience.

"That's enough of that you two," Jennifer was smiling when we broke apart and looked at her with guilty expressions.

"Ah .... sorry?" I began. "John was just filling me in on the news." Jennifer looked puzzled so I tried to clarify it. "You know ... _the news_!"

"Oh! Right!" Jennifer exclaimed. "Actually that's part of what I wanted to see you about. I took the liberty of running a test on the blood sample Doctor Cole took ... just wanted to give you the confirmation. I'd estimate you're about 7 weeks along. Congratulations!"

"Thanks Jennifer," John and I grinned at each other madly. "That's great news!"

"What's great news?" Rodney walked in, followed closely by Ronon.

"Nothing Rodney," John dismissed, ploughing right through Rodney's protests. "Did you hear about Teyla's baby's name?"

I grinned - nice distraction tactics there.

"Yes and as usual there's no justice in the world," Rodney took the bait instantly. "I was the one who had to deliver that baby and let me assure you there were parts that were frankly horrific. Sabina threw herself into a culling beam for Teyla so you know ... she earned it. What did you do except bleed all over the place? At the very least I should have gotten a middle name."

"Yes Rodney," we chorused. It was all so ... normal. That on top of talking things out with John finally had me feeling like I was truly home at last.

John and I shared a secret smile as the others talked over each other, sharing comments about their experiences with babies and naming them.

There were still things I wanted to know, things I needed to share with my friends but I knew there'd be time for that later. In fact I believed right then that I had time enough for everything I wanted to achieve ... and time enough to live happily ever after with John and our children. It was a hell of a trade off for being taken from my biological parents ... and I refused to feel guilty for thinking that way.

"You okay?" John asked quietly.

"Never better," I replied, resting my head against his chest with a happy sigh.

**The End!**

**Authors Note:**

Waaaaaaa ... it's over ... *sniffs*.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story all the way through the past 6 months. I hope I've managed to live up to the standard I set with the prior stories ... in fact, it'd be nice to think I've even exceeded it a little *grins*. A special thank you to my loyal reviewers who've once again made Fortunate Journey look mega popular by giving me feedback in their reviews for every single chapter ... all 80 of them! That's a lot of effort and I really appreciate the support. You guys rock!

So I guess that's it. I'll try to update my author page regularly to let you know what I'm working on ... I've got Happy Anniversary Baby and Forlorn Hope to finish and who knows what other ideas will occur to me after that. If I do decide to do something Sabina and John related I'll put a note on the author page to let you all know.

What?

Did you say season 5?

Is there going to be a season 5 story?

My mind isn't made up so ... you tell me ...


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